'How my father died inside a swimming pool at 45' - Tunde Obe | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Friday 30 September 2011

'How my father died inside a swimming pool at 45' - Tunde Obe

The entertainer shared his story in his Inner Circle column in Yes! Magazine this week. Read below...
The story of my father, the late Amb. Emmanuel Oyeleye Obe, was one of success, by any standard. He’d been serving in Senegal, Gambia and Mauritania simultaneously, as Nigerian Ambassador, which necessitated me, my mum and three siblings, living in Dakar Senegal, the biggest country of the three, during that period.
My mum, as an ambassador’s wife, needed not do anything but play the perfect hostess and organise lunch and dinner parties at home for her husband’s associates in diplomatic circles, whilst we the children (aged between 3 and 12years) simply went on with our plush, rich lifestyle, having gotten used to same whilst dad served in Mali, Tokyo, Geneva, Rome, and Washington DC previously.

In Senegal, my elder brother, sister and I were chauffeur-driven daily to Dakar Academy, an American school largely attended by the children of  English-speaking expatriates, career diplomats and ambassadors.  The youngest, Segun who was still 3 at the time, stayed home with mum.
Mum was a strict, no-nonsense disciplinarian and simply would not over-indulge any of us.  Dad on the other hand, was the ultimate pushover. With him, we could get away with almost anything.  A very accommodating, unassuming and free spirit, my father was always the ‘life of the party’, wherever he went, for his laughter wherever he was, could be heard for miles! He trusted. A little too much, I might add, because he was never suspicious, and thought ill of no-one.

This was why we were able to convince him to take us swimming one Sunday afternoon on  June 11, 1978, at L’Hotel Teranga, despite the fact that a pool already existed in our backyard at home.  We’d felt that leaving home to go and swim at the Hotel would afford us the opportunity to indulge in the barbecues, ice- cream and whatever else was available.

At the poolside, I was busy chatting with my classmate whom I had bumped into minutes earlier, when he pointed out a man that was being carried out of the pool, with a bloodied gash on his forehead, not conscious.  Nonetheless, I could tell instantly that it was my father, so I ran towards him, only to be barred from getting too close by a male caucasian  guest, whilst officials and paramedics tried to revive him.
Ca c’est Ambassad de Nigeria.., ca c’est Ambassad de Nigeria..‘ I’d kept saying in my best French.
All I’d gotten in response was,  ‘it’s okay… take it easy…

After what seemed like forever at the poolside, I saw a white sheet being pulled over my father’s entire frame, including his face.  I shot forward and tried to uncover the face, protesting that he could suffocate with no air under the sheet. I was 10 years old.

The people around simply shook their heads and tried to pull me away from the scene, but I was having none of it. I began screaming and shouting, begging dad to get up for we no longer felt like swimming and just wanted to go home. But he didn’t.

And so from that very moment, our lives took an instant 360. An hour earlier, we had been chauffeur-driven with our dad in a limousine to our current location, and now were being sped off in separate vehicles – dad in an ambulance, and me with siblings in a family friend’s car, to anywhere but the mansion which we had left behind only a couple of hours earlier.

Mum, who had all the while been away in Nigeria burying her younger sister, had to emotionally withstand news of this second tragedy which instantly thrust her into widowhood, as she promptly made her way back to Senegal to pick her children, and what remained of her dear husband.

Months earlier, we’d all flown in first class to Senegal from Nigeria aboard an Air Afrique Airbus, and now we were on board a military fighter plane seated face to face on what looked like benches and hanging on for dear life, whilst my dad lay in a closed coffin on the floor nearby, en route back to Nigeria.

My father was a good swimmer and so it was hard to consider the possibility that he’d drowned.  Thus the cause of his death remains a mystery to this day.

Suffice to say his sudden and untimely passing at just 45, had unceremoniously pulled the rug of luxury from under our feet, when we least expected it.

Here was my mother, a young, pampered housewife with no working experience, running a house constantly littered with VIPs, family members, friends, hungry distant relatives and hangers-on, now left to raise four young children on her own in a much smaller, now empty house.

Yes, everyone left. For good.  No more calls, no more visits, no more lifelines, no more friends, no VIPs and no relatives – close, distant, hungry or otherwise. No one. A couple of my father’s close friends had agreed to help, but to my mother’s dismay, not without strings attached. Thus she was left with two options – wallow in self-pity or deal with it.

So determined not to let her children feel their father’s absence too much, she dusted her degree certificates (two), went job hunting and eventually settled in as a paid employee in the banking industry.
Mum worked very hard to keep us in school and at the same time give us some semblance of comfort, but understandably she couldn’t quite meet up with the highflying lifestyle to which we, as children of an ambassador, had grown accustomed.

Needless to say, it took my siblings and I quite a while to get over this rude culture shock, but get over it we did.  Being shunned by erstwhile close friends was even harder to deal with, rather than grow bitter, I grew mature and wiser, turning it into the tonic that got me out of bed every morning.
Somewhere along the line, I met a friend, sister, mother, lover and confidante, all rolled into one. Someone with whom I’d shared the same life experiences, after our families’ breadwinners had passed on. But one of the most important things we’d shared was the strong desire to succeed. Our victory would be in our success. And so I married her. Thus Tunde Obe and Wunmi Aboderin became T.W.O.
Looking back 33 years later, I cannot but give all Glory to God. With a wonderful wife, beautiful children and a flourishing career that I love, I can only thank God for teaching me life’s tough lessons and making me the better for it.

Of course, as would be expected, everyone’s back.  Lifeline-seeking hangers-on, name-droppers, long lost friends and relatives – distant and otherwise.

Like I said earlier, I’m not bitter – just wiser.  I’ve learned not to take anything or anyone for granted.  I’ve learned to take all ‘praise-singers’ at face value.  I’ve learned that life is full of fair-weather friends.  I’ve learned to help people without expecting anything in return.  I’ve learned that for every 10 people that rejoice at my success, at least 2 are pretending.  And I’ve learned to rely on no-one but myself, and my God.

72 comments:

Chipmunk said...

Nah correct lip gloss be dat oh

Anonymous said...

word.

Anonymous said...

dis va a voooooom boy. mtcheew!!!!!!! linda next!!

Anonymous said...

That's the summary of life...

Anonymous said...

Very touching story.I am happy for you.But did you change surname from Oluleye(what u said is ur Dad's name)?

Ama said...

Na wa 4 lip gloss oh!!!!!

Anonymous said...

lip gloss for a man, na waaah o

abbey said...

This story is touching.My dad is also an ambassador currently and it's great how Tunde's mum pushed the family through to success

Anonymous said...

but seriously waasup with the past glory stuff,firstclss,chaffeur driven,best of school in dakar bla bla bla...to me all this is PAST GLORY.to me i see it like he his trying to make a statement that he was also from a rich home so nobody shld think he married wunmi cos of her fathers wealth....he would have jes gone straight to the point..smh!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

very true story.
life is a bitch!!

Anonymous said...

How on earth can people talk abt lip gloss, rather than focus more on the issues in the content of his interview. Quite unfortunate! I now know where our priority lies..mschewww!

As for me, it is no doubt such an inspiring story. There's really no excuse for failure. No matter where we have been or what has happened to us, with God's grace and our determination, we can succeed pretty well.

Thanks Tunde for sharing your past with us.

I sign out now.

Adios!

Anonymous said...

mtcheeeeeew!!!he jst making mouth...first class....icecream....limosine.....rubish.....n yet he still dey usae lipgloss lyk woman............

Anonymous said...

very touching true story. he is Lucky his mother was a graduate. they didnt need to go back to the village and remain under a wicked uncle who would have enslaved them.

Lesson learnt, Education is very important in the life of everyone.

aw said...

Touching story. Actually made me cry! He is so articulate. The story was very well written. You can tell he is from a good background. Sad story but a good ending. Thank God. Always remain faithful.

Anonymous said...

Wow, impressive story, a lesson for us all.

jo said...

@anon 10:10am are u dumb!!!the guy said emmanuel oyeleye obe..and his name is tunde obe..chikena!!!
jackas!!his dad last name is obe so is his name..get that into ur thick empty skull full of 'paraga'.

Anonymous said...

this lip gloss can fry egg oh

Anonymous said...

very touching story, thank God for turning your story to glory. Amen...

Anonymous said...

who cares

sakara said...

anon 10.10 ao can Oluleye be his surname when ts obvious ts one of d man's initials....

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with bros tee o,it happened to us too when my dad died ehn my mum was even recounting last week my dads very rich friend that promised sending us out of the country to school thank God my mum dnt depend on that o they were just mere promises we cant but thank God for making us what we are today,i get emotional when i remember how people left us but wait is it a naija thing cos we had so many family friends ehn but where are they now smh

devour said...

thats to tell u na oada adigide ie nothing lasts 4 eva n time changes yesterday

Anonymous said...

Word.

This story brings back allot of old memories.
I also was born into a life of luxury only to be slapped in the face by reality went i lot my dad.
Their are situations in life that can never be imagined if you have not experienced it and guess the loss of the bread winner of the fam untimely is one of them
It was hard getting back on track but i thank God for his mercies and for the lessons learned along the way
Wish u all the best TWO and neva forget God loves us ''we the children of the fatherless tribe''

............99

kelly O. said...

eyah....but is this ororo on ur lipstick is too much now!!

Anonymous said...

That is the truth about life. If you are successful do not be decieved by all thepraise singers around you, if anything happens they will move on to the next person. Hold on to your God and do not overprovide for your kids even if you have the means always save up for them if you can.

Anonymous said...

So sad but happy u learnt

Anonymous said...

Wow what a touching story, I'm happy he didn't indulge in self pity..God bless him and his wonderful family.

Anonymous said...

why tunde obe no go clean the akara oil wey coat him lips..mtshewww

Anonymous said...

so proud he reached were he is today but that lipglozz tho

justSayin said...

Very touching!

On a side note: Homeboy's lipgloss is poppin

Anonymous said...

My question is this:

Does it mean that the looting of public treasury that is the norm in nigeria now, started way back in the seventies? I used to think that it started during Shagari's regime.

I have to ask the above question because I feel that your father as an ambassador could not have afforded the lifestyle you described based solely on his remuneration as a public officer.

The above is simply, just an opinion and I am in no way making any insinuations.

Anonymous said...

His lip gloss popping his lip gloss is cool, all the girls keep stopping him. They chase him after school

*ajalahtravel*

1976AD.com said...

360 turn means one starts and ends at the same place; I think he meant 180 degree...

"And so from that very moment, our lives took an instant 360."

Anonymous said...

Rubbish!!!! full of overly boasting statements. Have we not all lost someone along the roads in life? i thought the story was to be focused on how his father died instead he focuses on boasting about his upbringing...blah...blah...blah. mscheuw...abeg linda next!!! flourishing career ko, flourishing career ni...

truth said...

I totally enjoyed reading this. His father's last name is Obe, not Oyeleye as someone above assumed.

I must say that the lip gloss is very distracting though.

I first heard about Tunde when he acted The Gardner with Bimbo Akintola. I was totally crushed to hear he was married o.lol. And honestly, even more shocked when I saw his wife. But that was all in vanity, you know, thinking I sure would have looked better beside him. lol.And i was only what, like 16 or less then.

Wunmi is a pure jewel. It's sooo obvious. I'm happy they are doing what they both love and even happier that Tunde found wisdom through his childhood plight. Kudos to his mum for keeping life going, however hard it was.

I wish them all the very best.

Anonymous said...

crisco on da lipssses!

Anonymous said...

wow!I can imagine, cos the same thing happened to my mom when her father passed away.Women, you cannot sit at home at wait for a man to keep bringing home the bacon.You have to work or have a business

Beauty in DC said...

That lip gloss is on point, please what brand is that?

chichiluv said...

abeg, what is with the glossy lips? is he looking for a kiss? and he's got the lips pursed like he's ready for his close up LMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

chichiluv said...

His glossy lips distracted from the story sef

fannie said...

@ Anonymous 10:06 a.m: abeg which one be vavavoom boy??? *bbm confused face*

Meanwhile, this story is so touching! Eya...thank God say things don better.@ Anonymous 10:06 a.m: abeg which one be vavavoom boy??? *bbm confused face*

Meanwhile, this story is so touching! Eya...thank God say things don better.

Unknown said...

I appreciate the drive towards success and moral of treating people.

@Anonymous...He said "late Amb. Emmanuel Oyeleye Obe"

Lami said...

Sorry, I couldn't get past his juicy lips to read his story. His lip gloss is definitely popping

Anonymous said...

I did attend gregs with Tunde but never knew his history back then, shame what pain we all nurse without the world knowing, i am glad he didnt let his experience define him, and what he said about cronies is spot on.

Anonymous said...

wth? lip gloss on a dude. good lord. men be swinging for the other team this dayz. lol

Anonymous said...

I thank God for your lives o. I was touched and I hope somebody in a similar situation will be encouraged not to give up because life seem not to have treated you well.

Anonymous said...

Linda, if you don't publish my earlier comment, I will stop visiting your blogg. I know its not gonna make a dent to your readership, but I will still do it. I hope that you have not started getting over your head. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with my earlier comment, except if you are part of what is wrong with the country.

Buzzer! said...

is that lip gloss, or is it groundnut oil from puff puff? Fine boy no easy rara. lol.

Anonymous said...

such is life.u just hav to cari on...

Anonymous said...

Na so life be my brother but am glad you learnt from that experience to become a better person.
Am happy u are happy...

Also make una leave am and the lip gloss...If his lip too crack now una go say Vaseline cheap why en no rub, now en dey take care of his lip una still dey complain.

At least the lip balm no get color na there i for talk too....lol

Anonymous said...

What I wanna know is, why does he have lip gloss on???

Anonymous said...

Moral of this story... Get life insurance...

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @10:10am, does your question make much sense to you seeing as the Ambassador's last name "Obe" is clearly written after Oluleye? So where is the name-change coming from?

Anonymous said...

dang,...that lip gloss abi na lip glass

Anonymous said...

am not intersted in ur story joor....mai wahala is with ur lip gloss. why?

Bee said...

Sometimes I wonder if pple on this blog are retards.

How can he tell a story of how low he fell without first telling how high he was?

Rather than be jealous of his early life, rejoice with him that he was able to rebound despite his family's ordeal.

People please write A WILL the day you get married. you need to legally protect your family.

Anonymous said...

Do you know that the problem of Nigeria isn't caused by the government itself alone, but by thousands of Nigerians. Someone is sharing a story with you, A true life story and people are labeling it show off and focusing on the lip gloss. How old are some of you folks again?. I'll advise you understand the moral of the story and stop concentrating on other unnecessary elements. This thing happens... But off course if it has never happened to you or someone you know, you will find it difficult to connect with the story. Thanks Tunde Obe for sharing your story. Such is life.

doll (retired blogger) said...

nice one! i also liked how he described his wife

abisola said...

most pple on this site are just morons/.if he was actually showing off, he will only go on and on about his plush life he wont bother letting u know how they suffered when his dad died.did u not read d part where he said they flew back to nigeria in a militiary aircraft face to face with his dad lyng down dead on d floor?are u pple dumb arse?are u just some college dropout or plain illiterates?do u know how it feels to loose ur dad even if he was 100 yrs old not to talk of 45 yrs old man with four kids?

u all are busy typing about lipgloss trying to be funny.not even funny one bit.idiots!!!!!

CLF said...

Anon September 30, 2011 1:38 PM - in those days, when Nigeria was good, anyone could travel First Class. Also, as an Ambassador, his father may have been paid in dollars (if not, the Naira was strong then) and a lot of those things were his entitlements.

I kind of thought he was polished, but after reading this, i can say he is. His wife Wunmi also has a similar story of grief (Moyosore Aboderin of Punch.)

Thank God they have done well. Their late Dad's will be happy.

Anonymous said...

I love this blog and its readers, you all make me laugh and happy sometimes i roll over from the chair (hyperbole).

Obviously for us to enjoy the story he had to juice it up and that is exactly what all writers do.
But the fact is their lives changed instantenously, and we must commend his mum for not giving up....
Pls lets not be shallow minded, this should teach every man to allow their wives to work and also prepare for death (no one knows when he will die)so that ones family will not suffer....

Thanks, linda keep the flag flyin and readers thanks for contributing

Ikefirstlove said...

Skip the article.the comments are hilarious!!! LMFAO

Anonymous said...

dudes lip gloss be poppin*flips monrovian hair*

KasiraghiD said...

After Tunde shares his story, a story everyone can relate to, it must have happened to a friend,relative or one too and after reading the story all some people can see is the fact that he used lip gloss.I think some people just visit blogs to look at pictures abi what else can I say.(or maybe their husbands or boyfriends are not as handsome).
Linda if Tunde uses lipstick sef fine boy na fine boy abi no be so ni?

Anonymous said...

Glad this guy's mum was able to pick up the pieces after such a terrible event. The story was hard to shall I say tug at the heart strings due to all the glitz and glam he's pushing. Quite sure there's painful memories but at the end of the day the cars, houses and others materials can replace his father. Next time he tells this story I hope he shares more about the time he spent with his father rather focusing on letting the readers know how wealthy his family was prior to his dad's death. It's amazing how one reflects.

Anonymous said...

T.W.O...their collabo gives me quantum energy. I loves them 2geda.

Anonymous said...

Too many morons commenting. He's an entertainer, forget the lipgloss. That picture could be from anywhere. A lot of people commenting here are just the type that will disappear when things go bad.
How could he tell the story of the fall without telling how high he was. And to the person who questioned his father's source of wealth - really? Perhaps you were born recently and need to have a sit down with an older person who can share with you stories of Nigeria's past glory. Days when the naira was on par with the pound and with a good salary not spent on owambes, you could afford lots of good things.
For those who can't see beyond his description of how life was, ain't nothing that can be said that will enter your thick skulls.
Kudos to you Mr Obe! Some of us get the angle of your story and thank you for sharing it. People - don't get it twisted with the praise singers. Most of the people posting anonymous here to insult Mr Obe will see him tomorrow and be his loudest praise singers.

Ander said...

Sad to say this but truth be told, you my fellow Nigerians talking about lip gloss and attacking the man make up the 80% wicked Nigerians who's hearts have kept this country where it is till date,will not even bother stressing how dumb you all are and have shown to be,be you here anonymously or with your name I'm sure you'll read this and you'll get the message..whoever reads this story without getting hit by it belongs to that category..check yourselves,check your hearts, tomorrow you'll be quick to say it's IBB, Obasanjo or Goodluck that are killing your country...without a greater part of a nation operating in LOVE/COMPASSION and OPTIMISM nothing thrives...forget politics/corruption/economics, there is a realm that changes things above all those..seek LOVE my fellow Nigerians,51yrs no be beans. We don old without achievements..sit back and THINK!!!

sexy said...

nice one tunde. atleast i witnessed part of your life here in Nigeria cos we used to be neighbours, so how about the story of ur mum's death?

Anonymous said...

Uncle Tunde, this your lip gloss is popping o.

orange said...

Goodness gracious! Tunde Obe is an entertainer, so that picture with lipgloss is probably one of the ones he took while on stage. I knew a good number of Nigerians are dumb, but on Linda's Blog they are much more in number. Gosh, how can educated people like these be commenting on irrelevant things like lip gloss. And be oozing jealousy and bad manners about his past. He just told a story of grace to grass and back to grace. Be happy for him, encourage him, emulate his doggedness and his astuteness. Now I know why Nigerians are backward and difficult to Change and to rule. Most of the people are set in their ways. Wickedness and bitterness has eater deep into the receess of their being. I am most pissed. I cannot imagine sharing nationality with backward people like some of these dumb commentators. It's a big shame. C'm om!

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