Dear Joro: young male writer replies Joro's 'have sex 16 times a week' open letter to men | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Tuesday, 11 July 2017

Dear Joro: young male writer replies Joro's 'have sex 16 times a week' open letter to men

Relationship consultant Joro Olumofin yesterday took to his Instagram page today to advice Nigerian men to have sexual intercourse with their wives '16 times' and oral sex '5 times' a week, in order to make their relationship work. A young writer named Mark Anthony Osuchukwu just replied him..


It is actually a wonderful feeling to know that someone graduated over the weekend with a first class in 'nacking' studies. Yesterday being Monday was the first day of this glorious week and the weekly motivation an uncle felt was the best was advising men to follow his footsteps in the porn industry.


Well, Joro listed eight things that he feels will make a wonderful marriage. I'd like to treat few of them one by one.

1: "Sex: You should have sex with your wife at least 16 times a week and oral sex five times a week. This is your DUTY as a man..."

First thing, many marriages that have stood the test of time for years are void of this madness above. How many times do you think our parents practiced oral sex? Did it stop them from loving themselves? No! It is not a criteria.
Now, 16 bloody times a week? As in how? What the hell is that for?

I'm sorry really but how is it 'doing' you? Sixteen times a week means 64 times a month which also means seven hundred and sixty eight times a year! Wow!

You spend such time on top of a woman in a year and you feel you're making progress?

In case you don't know, you are on your own. There are better things to do with time in this life. Having sex 16 times a week is a display of acute joblessness.

And, no, I will get married one day and I won't play that rough play because I'm not a pornstar and my marriage will not reach your inbox.

2: "You must not have passwords on your phone or any device. If passwords are necessary, your wife should have them all"

Smh. Dude, we all had a life before getting married. We have our privacy though marriage may breach the need for privacy. It is my phone, I will lock it. Our marriage is not inside the phone.She should lock hers too. Insecurity is what this thing is about. Two adults who decided to get married deserve their space. When it becomes suffocating, this is when a man begins to stay out late and the wife looking for a friends place to go. There should be limits in all we do. No boundaries should be crossed all in the name of marriage.

3: "You must not let her food waste. A happy married man shouldn't be seen eating outside only lunch at work is allowed"

Well, it is 'her' food when she's the only one cooking. The day I cook and don't feel like eating at home, I will take her out and we will eat and our marriage will not crash. Africans too like suffer. You cannot eat out again because of marriage? Smh

4: "Bring your wife breakfast in bed and bring back a gift from work everyday. Every single day. Even if it's fruit, wig, a painting and flower"

Joro the Joro! You have lost touch with reality. Look at you sounding like a character in a romance novel. I will buy gift everyday because I work in a gift shop? Wig? Flower? Painting? Halloween costume? Joro cam dan!

5: "Prayer schedule. Fix a prayer and fasting routine once a month with your wife to tackle personal issues."

Joro! After having sex 64 times in a month, you pray and fast 'once' in that month?

Wow. God is not mocked. God must have shook is head after he read your sex proposal.

Don't worry. Have sex 64 times and pray and fast once a month. Joke is on you!

6: "Even if she has a job, she deserves a weekly allowance of at least N100,000"

Bia, Joro, I don't understand you again honestly. Weekly allowance of a hundred thousand. Because I look like Evans? Abi I am a politician?
You seem estranged to reality. Snap out of this your mental hiccup. How many married men earn 200k a month? You're sitting somewhere telling them to give their wives  of 100k every week.

I am honestly tired of replying you and your written folly.

Our parents that have sweet marriages will see this open letter of yours and shake their head with a lingering pain in their chest. These things listed above doesn't guarantee a successful marriage. Especially the sex part.

I have never patronized you because you deal with two things I have no business with. Relationship problems and beard cream. I don't have a relationship neither do I have beard gang.

This is the first time we 'talk'. I like how you're entertaining girls on Instagram with your 'from my inbox' tales. Keep it up. Sell your beard oil. Remain a celebrity in the beard gang.

But, please, never display this brand of madness in this life again.

Hold your advice. Use it for your marriage only.

Thanks.
Mark Anthony Osuchukwu

Mark Anthony Osuchukwu is a young writer and critic who doesn't respect himself. You may wish to reach him via markanthonyfoundation@gmail.com

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mark Anthony. You are a correct man. Don't mind Joro

Alloy Chikezie said...

Nice one. Don't mind the sex starved porn man trying to force his sex lifestyle into our throat. Like sex is food.

Your comment will be visible after approval.

Chi Jeremiah said...

9ce 1!

Anonymous said...

Very well said Mark, I am still laughing over here at the joker called Joro. Your reply was just epic!

Anonymous said...

Looooolllllllll, this guy markanthonyfoundation@gmail.com you are MAAADDDD. I almost chocked laughing. You have killed and buried the mumu ojoro woman molester.

Anonymous said...

Good answer for a big fool.

B€£ said...

Lol, I think he nailed it

Anonymous said...

Nice reply, just didn't like part of using the words 'folly' and 'madness' but very lovely though.

Anonymous said...

Very nice reply. People like jolo will mislead young girls and destroy home.

Anonymous said...

If the Joro guy actually said all these, he must be as senseless as the advice he tries to give. Relationship consultant indeed!!!

Anonymous said...

You make sense die, that Joro is high on his beard cream

Anonymous said...

Mtchewwww


Iranu Abacha RadaRada






@Doro the party crasher, always forming stories to stay relevant

I careth not

Relationship expert indeed... ..

Can't forget all what you said to @Gbemi.. ..you are not a man at all





@Anonymous Orubebe

Anonymous said...

Well said my brother. Some people can be so jobless to kill themselves with 16x a week sex. Anyway I think the joro of a guy just wants to see people's reaction on the matter

Anonymous said...

Mr writer...ur so very stupid indeed,did he force u 2 reply him n again,ur so damn naive @ some things,ur knowledge is backword,but if d post ws all about women enduring pain n aLl,u wldnt reply him,but it comes down 2 u men,treating ur wife right n he has committed a crime...u r such a dump skull n I feel like slapping u thru dis msg...Ode oponu,

Anonymous said...

Dis respondent is very naive @ thinkn...like seriously,u shldnt av replied wen u kw so well dat u r a dump skull...

Anonymous said...

Same Mark Osuchukwu that sent Joy Isi Bewaji to hell with his stinker article?
Joy Bewaji was bleating on her facebook wall like a goat in labour. Lol
I was happy sha. She feels like the only writer good at throwing shots. I was glad she got fired to hell by Osuchukwu.

miss chika Duchess said...

Lol..bt as long u r married..nuffin. Stops u frm fasting n prayers...u cn dab after d prayers....u r married ..hence lincesed to carry on any time ..bt lol at dis 100k tin...I feel he meant to say Dat if ur wife is working...is nt reason enoff nt to give her a dime from ur own alc...n abt d password tin...there shld no be secrecy in marriage..u shld discuss eventually everytin n anything wit ur spouse....dats why u r nw called one....bt for d number of tyms u shld v sex...my oga at d top....d whole tin will become boring if u continue lik Dat oh...haba ..dis sex Mata just weak me sef....

Anonymous said...

This guy is gradually becoming controversial.
Joy Isi Bewaji has not recovered from the misiles you sent her way.
Madam "when i spoke at harvard", "i need a vacation in Newyork"(if you miss Newyork, take a damn flight back there and stop making noise) ranted for days about you.
Continue.

Anonymous said...

Mark,you so on point bro

Musingsofjudgejudyjudy..... said...

Lmao!
Very well written, Anthony, I laughed all through. Joro is a joker.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha... nice! The sex is even Eight Hundred and Thirty Two times a year!!!! Loool. Wake up to reality. 16 times Kwa? Na so "knack" sweet???

Anonymous said...

Finally! Someone to instill senses in all these crazy wannabe unrealistic people aka Joro and followers

Brown Obas said...

You re well informed and enlighten bro,Mr mark,You re the real deal,Imagine the yeye (joro)unmarried bachelor giving stupid marriage advise,Believing he knows it all

Brown Obas said...

Can you imagine the yeye joro giving such stupid advise when he is not yet married,Bro Mark,You re the real deal,Joro go and get married for at least a year before you can give marriage advise...MUGU

Uv David said...

bia Linda, why did you (allowing) dis sumall bwoi to be jaming doctor mofin like dis? Abi u get axe to grind with joro ni? Anyway, tell him to stop dyeing his beard black, its natural lustureless hue is more befitting of a sage thats living in fools paradise.....

Anonymous said...

Thanks for thrashing his Ass man...was that how his dad married his mom? He has lost it biko..smh

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Anonymous said...

Mark! You are the MVP. I like you already. Joro is just another hirsute scumbag that Linda tries To force down our throat. An unkempt bloke, Joro it was that said that that popular OAP's pussi is filled with cobwebs. Dude has cotton wools in the head in place of brain

Sena Job said...

This guy finish joro oooo but all in all he's making sense and facing reality

Papa Adindu said...

Which one is he doesn't respect himsef..he just said the fact..well the truth is bitter.nawa oo

James said...

Sense fall on them

JAO said...

Oh!so dude isn't married yet, he's speaking out of ignorance and not experience.

jatto queen said...

Abeg , 16 times in a week ? Wat are we doing?na tournament? U would loose interest with time

Adetola Odukoya said...

I know most of the points might not seem.realistic in our nugerian society however a lot of points he made are right.unless yiunare lazy in bed and you marrued the lady you dont really like is when you cant make love to her sixtewn times a week and thats thats if she wants it.some hypocrites here are acting up mean while they love sex more than porn stars.nigerian especually females can pretend in public but they are freaks behind clise doors.if you are lazy in bed you will be lazy in general only a birn lazy guy can say sex makes them not work, yiu need to check your self.some people need to start doing major cardios and exercise .why attacking him that his no married.seriously i dont think he needs to rush into marriage like all you naturally immune born lazy in bed hypocrites that are so repulsed to make love to your own wife 16times when you are not 50 or 60 years old.although marriage is a great thing its really not a pass or guarantee for you to make heaven so whats the big deal.you can notice this dude is just a cynical hating and irrational critic.common you cant tell he has a problem with all the advise joro gave on the list? If he did then i guess his just a condescending and sucess hating sociopath that feels women dont deserve to be treated with respect, total love and deep passion.

Adetola Odukoya said...

I know most of the points might not seem.realistic in our nugerian society however a lot of points he made are right.unless yiunare lazy in bed and you marrued the lady you dont really like is when you cant make love to her sixtewn times a week and thats thats if she wants it.some hypocrites here are acting up mean while they love sex more than porn stars.nigerian especually females can pretend in public but they are freaks behind clise doors.if you are lazy in bed you will be lazy in general only a birn lazy guy can say sex makes them not work, yiu need to check your self.some people need to start doing major cardios and exercise .why attacking him that his no married.seriously i dont think he needs to rush into marriage like all you naturally immune born lazy in bed hypocrites that are so repulsed to make love to your own wife 16times when you are not 50 or 60 years old.although marriage is a great thing its really not a pass or guarantee for you to make heaven so whats the big deal.you can notice this dude is just a cynical hating and irrational critic.common you cant tell he has a problem with all the advise joro gave on the list? If he did then i guess his just a condescending and sucess hating sociopath that feels women dont deserve to be treated with respect, total love and deep passion.

Adetola Odukoya said...

Mr critic or whatever your name is sef, if you cant treat the woman you loved and married at least one, a few or all of the advised he gave on the list then i guess you gat issues and it does not mean other cant treat thier wifey this way na

Adetola Odukoya said...

I know most of the points might not seem.realistic in our nugerian society however a lot of points he made are right.unless yiunare lazy in bed and you marrued the lady you dont really like is when you cant make love to her sixtewn times a week and thats thats if she wants it.some hypocrites here are acting up mean while they love sex more than porn stars.nigerian especually females can pretend in public but they are freaks behind clise doors.if you are lazy in bed you will be lazy in general only a birn lazy guy can say sex makes them not work, yiu need to check your self.some people need to start doing major cardios and exercise .why attacking him that his no married.seriously i dont think he needs to rush into marriage like all you naturally immune born lazy in bed hypocrites that are so repulsed to make love to your own wife 16times when you are not 50 or 60 years old.although marriage is a great thing its really not a pass or guarantee for you to make heaven so whats the big deal.you can notice this dude is just a cynical hating and irrational critic.common you cant tell he has a problem with all the advise joro gave on the list? If he did then i guess his just a condescending and sucess hating sociopath that feels women dont deserve to be treated with respect, total love and deep passion.

Adetola Odukoya said...

Dumb ass ibo boy wey no get sense.you just fell my correct ibo guys hands mr critic .you that is criticising joros advise even though i know you cant come up with two talk more of the six he gave .oya!!! please give us your own points and advise on how to treat a loving wife ? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Chinny said...

There's nothing wrong with Joro's marriage tips, nothing - seems more like the writer wants to trend. It's all about simple comprehension - doesn't mean you have to keep counting sex to 16 or if you miss a gift for one day the marriage will end, naah. In other words all he is saying to MARRIED men is - frequent intercourse, frequent gifts, no secrets between couples, enjoy her meals, be prayerful and be generous. Which coming from a guy in this Patriarchal society, is a very good thing. These are things men should do for their wives and even more. But Nigerian women are treated so badly that these normal things are now seen as 'special'. If you are not financially ready or able, maybe you could get married later - because even basic needs of survival for a family in today Nig should cost more than 100k. It's not a big amount anymore.

Thumbs up Joro. We need more of these tips for men. The world is already littered with advice for women. We currently have a high rate of Domestic Violence in Nig but we don't wanna hear stuff like this. Nigerian men NEED to treat their wives right pls!

Ogoo Onochie said...

Some people here after tongue lashing Joro will still run to him to solve their problems. Joro wrote it to mock men that expect much from women. This gigolo is just seeking attention

Anonymous said...

She killed Joy. The thing pain am ehn

felix emeka said...

Thanks Mark for placing him where he belong.Don't mind the mad bwoi, after sleeping with two girls he felt is a sex expert and can now advice married people with his lame, myopic,childish reasoning

Difu Victor said...

Joro you just got the attention you wanted from the media and I hope you will be making money out of it like JZee cheated on Beyonce that he used in promoting his multi million album.

Kj prime said...

Thanks Chinny! It seems you're the only one that understands what Joro meant. The rest took his write up literally.

Kj prime said...

Thanks Chinny! Seems like you're the only person that understood what joro meant. The rest took all his words literally.

elle said...

Dis Writer nailed it.wehdone

Anonymous said...

Una self. Joro just wanted to trend. Meanwhile this Mark, u fine o. How far?

Anonymous said...

Anon and ur point is?????

Anonymous said...

Dump skull??? As in dumb or dump??? B4 u yab people kindly check ur written English. Appalling!!!

Anonymous said...

Haba now, is he eating the beard cream? Lol

Kachi said...

Joro Olumofin WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED if you have so much advice to give to married couples on how to make their relationship work.....It's like a maths teacher giving me an appendectomy!

Vivian Reginalds said...

16 KE? In this recession?
7 days a week * 2 = 14 times + 2 extra rounds = 16
Oral = 5 times

Uncle Joro abeg the receiving pu*sy no dey hurt ni?
The d*ck no dey tire at all upon this recession???
Hmm abeg which time of the day will these activities take place?

-D great anonymous now as Vivian Reginalds

Haenergy said...

More common sense fall on you Mark. You're a rare breed.. Thank you for standing up to someone's sex starved nonsense.. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Haenergy said...

More common sense to you Mark. You're a rare breed. If Joro refused to be realistic with his advice, let someone else bring him back to reality.

Anonymous said...

Oshey Aunty slap slap
oya clap for yourself

Anonymous said...

You guys missed the whole point of Joro's article. It was a tongue in cheek admonition to men.

KINGSLEY AGWARAMGBO said...

Mark, daalα»₯. The dude is gradually lost touch with sanity. Nice critique!

Anonymous said...

Gbam!!! God bless you Chinny!!!

Chibuzor Ewuzie said...

i guess Joro was only trying to tell men the need to appreciate their spouse more. i feel there is more to that piece he put together. I just hope someone doesn't go shouting domestic violence after insulting Joro.

OneHead said...

Mark, Please borrow me diskain sense anytime you have spare one. Thank you Linda for publishing this. That sex analysis is awesome.

Goodness Michael said...

Hahahahahaha....

I Don die. Mark, are you sure this guy is a relationship coach? Pls tell him to come so I can give him small sense... His looking like a gangstar joor.

You reply am well. Am proud of you jare..

Anonymous said...

First ,,it's backwards not "backword", keep it up with the slaps,, jobless,

Blossom said...

OMG, Mark Anthony you get mouth...how can a man be riding me 16x a week..is he okay? Abeg allow me to laugh Linda ikeji

Escaper Dablackdude said...

Doro is just a fucking sex maniac. Strength you're suppose to use to hustle for money you dey on top woman dey sweat, hummm.... When you die another man will kontinu the ministry you left behind. I agree with Doro on giving your wife 100k cos it says the two shall become one and you dont need to be Evans or Politician to do it

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