This light skinned writer says she has more white friends because black women are harder to befriend | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Thursday 23 April 2015

This light skinned writer says she has more white friends because black women are harder to befriend

Say what? Lol. Writer Kim Lute says most of her female friends are whites because black women are difficult to befriend. In an article titled 'The Problem with Black Women' which was published on Huffington Post, Kim explained her instance and experiences being of lighter complexion. Read what she wrote below and tell us if you see her point...
Welcome to the plight of the light African American woman navigating the “darker the berry the sweeter the juice” cosmos, where mere physical differences (fine hair to thicker locks and thin lips to billowy pouts) serve as the basis for generational division. Sadly, I recently learned that these divisive lines, created generations ago, remain frustratingly in place.
In all fairness, this “mulatto” (which technically I am not) has led a far easier life simply because I lack darkness. The unwritten rule is that the darkest women are the most burdened while lighter black women are, I suppose, damned to “house Negro problems” that equate to mere hiccups in days that are perpetually long with happiness, job promotions and our pick of viable suitors.
Dark or light, black women are long overdue to finally own up to our deep-rooted resentment toward one another. No, I may not have lost out on a promotion, but when I walk into a room I am still deemed an “other.” It’s not clear to most to what extent I am unlike the majority, but it’s enough to ensure my piece of the American pie is unfairly smaller than non-blacks.

Allow me to join an already uncomfortable conversation. I’m going out of my cotton-picking mind trying to convince my darker sisters that I’m not their competitor, and that loving who I am, and what I look like, isn’t a condemnation of darker women. If I’ve made great strides in my career it is because I’ve faltered, failed and tried again, ad nauseam. But is also because society finds me less threatening. I do not believe I’m prettier than any other woman, and know that my finest qualities have nothing to do with my “funny-colored eyes” or “fine hair.” I’m saddened that we have imposed a self-defeating value system based mainly on our exterior differences. And contrary to certain beliefs, I too have experienced the most blatant racists insults, perhaps more so than others because I’m a writer who targets her subjects indiscriminately. Don’t let this “light, damn near white” complexion fool you.
She then explained that she had an  easier time befriending white women because Black women tend to be more negative towards one another (Do you agree?)
As a journalist, author and the designated “light girl” in my coterie, I’m frankly “Fanny Lou-Hamer tired” of the nitpicking among black women. Since moving to Atlanta in the millennia, I’ve befriended mostly white women. Why? The unvarnished truth lies somewhere between my own emotional hang-ups and the fact that most of the darker black women I’ve met are competitive, strident, pushy and critical of my decisions. As such, it’s been easier to socialize with those women who value my friendship without stipulations and constant backtalk. Thus, my friendships with white women are neat, unfettered and based solely on our likes and dislikes.
And instead of forcing my friendship on black women who want nothing to do with me, I’ve allowed my other relationships to develop organically even if it meant there was a glaring absence of color that would cause my ancestral foremothers to spin in their unmarked graves. So why is it so hard for some black women (myself very much included) to foster and gain positive long-term friendships with each other? The initial response would be petty jealousy, arrogance and confrontational behavior, systemic roadblocks that were put in place long before this generation was born. The whole truth, I suspect, harkens back to slavery, in which blacks as a whole were forcibly pitted against one another; no group more so than black women. Lighter mothers, daughters and sisters were given an unfair, unjust and amoral advantage over so-called jezebels, mammies and jigaboos which fostered disheartening prejudices that continue to stain and cripple our modern day relationships.
You can read the full article Huffington Post

75 comments:

Unknown said...

Who cares

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Her brain seems as light in content as her skin.
So dumb the dark women will be thanking God they don't even have her as friend.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

Unknown said...

K na

Unknown said...

Good for her.

Davido's driver said...

Yes! I totally agree

NaijaDeltaBabe said...

Bla bla bla...

Bishop Dammy said...

Not true now.. do your searching well. Phil 2:3

Walata said...

Lol black women una hear am haha but black women dey stubborn sha

Alabekee said...

We're all entitled to our opinions. She chooses who her friends will be and that's her business.
www.alabekee.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

Yes, I agree with her on the part where she says black women are always competitive. Black women are about the competitive life. For example, you'd see a typical Nigerian girl and tell her her skin is fine, what cream does she use so you could use it to help yours too, she's tell you "nothing really, I use olive oil or I drink tea" ask her the name of her weave or extension and she'd give you an attitude. The attitude would discourage you from continuing with the conversation thereby ending the friendship that would have started off from there. Then even the ones that are already friends always compete among themselves and you'd see that there is really no real friend after all. Jealousy always come in. We black women are difficult. I can't talk about white women being easy to befriend because I do not have a white friend yet.

Anonymous said...

Election period really aided this blog. Now there is a serious issue in the bid to continually engage the readers

Unknown said...

Can't blame her
she's entitled to her opinion.

Bisi-ola said...

I live in UK and I know what she's talking about trust me....That's very very true, black women are harder to befriend....

Unknown said...

She's an hag

Anonymous said...

I agree. We have so much hate. its bad enough that we have racial discrimination, we still discriminate amongst ourselves based on physical appearance forgetting that white people still see us all as blacks. you never hear of discrimination amongst white people just cos one is too tan and another is too pale

Unknown said...

a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
.
True talk though, gals are so jealous of each other no doubt....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

MADE IN NIGERIA said...

Who be dis one?? Please, take several seats back.

Unknown said...

Her opinion

Unknown said...

I love dis question, and d response thereof dat accompanied it:
"Why is it so hard for some black women (myself very much included) to foster and gain positive long-term friendships with each other?".

"The initial response would be petty jealousy, arrogance and confrontational behavior, systemic roadblocks that were put in place long before this generation was born".

Abt her truth of slavery, and all dat I don't believe in dat. Often times its a personal choice dat is built around personality.

Livvsreamblog said...

That is her problem...everyone with their problem

Anonymous said...

Well in all honesty it's true...as someone who is well travelled and hv experienced different cultures, the white folks are more open and free if they are cool with you..The black folks are always on defensive,if a white folk says hello it's racism?If they express dislikes we feel it's an attack..back in England I hv always advocated that racism is a thing of the mind..open your heart and accept every1 for who they are...no your worth is all that matters

Unknown said...

This view from her own Retarded mirror got me thinkin that her experience fashioned her World view of the average Black American Woman, which I don't think deserve my precious debate on the Discourse.
This is not to say that I totally agree with all her reasonings on the subject despite her arguments being valid to some extent.
I will still say 'Fuck her' though.

Anonymous said...

She looks fragile and demanding. To make friends with black women you need to look rubust and pretend not to be in need of anything. ......they will come to you on their own.......bloghed

Anonymous said...

True...



*** mynameisSkelewu

Unknown said...

Her opinion, it doesn't count anyways

Unknown said...

@least you want us to notice madam oyibo...now we have.

Unknown said...

Eyaaaaah blacks naturally dy find it hard 2 trust pple so I don't blame dem sha cos whytes pple don 2 show dem pepper.

Anonymous said...

I strongly doubt , whites are more difficult to mix with , I know that better living abroad , I don't give them any chance to feel important or snub me, let her speak for herself alone, my dear they nice to U bcos they not sure if Ur black or white and probably the black girls avoid U bcos they think U will later treat them like trash , we blacks love strangers

ary said...

Oh really?!! SMH

Erm_Eye said...

Black women do have issues. Even here in Nigeria, it is easier for me to approach to and talk to white women than Nigerian women. You cant tell a black/Nigerian woman "Excuse me one moment miss, you looking really pretty" She will walk out on you. A white woman will smile and thank you and the conversation starts. That's just by the way sha, Black women do have issues. Never the less, our black women can be great, sweet, loving etc and when they are good, they are the epitome of it.

Unknown said...

I agree with her on the bolded. The black race can't help jealous each other no matter where they are from. It's a gene that comes wit black woman.

Emmynado said...

She is wrong.

Anonymous said...

NA UR PALAVER B DAT...TOMJERRYSWIT

Juliebabe said...

Black women tend to be more negative towards one another, 'I think people differ'.

And instead of forcing my friendship on black women who want nothing to do with me, I've allowed any other relationships to develop organically even if it meant there was a glaring absence of color that would cause my ancestral foremothers to spin in their unmarked graves, 'very funny'.

Subomi said...

her opinion, she is entitled to it

Anonymous said...

It's true tho

Unknown said...

Na she sabi.

Linda Cogitate

Juleslouis said...

I don't agree its only black women that r negative towards another, i think its women generally. Its in most women's genes. Thatsbjust females for u. They r never entirely happy for u. Just very few (with d grace of God anyway!)

AppleofGod'seye said...

Who u help?

Unknown said...

I totally agree wif her! Nt just black women! Black's generally example is d current xenophobia issues c'mon ppl! Nigerians self among ourselves we hate!

Missy_Luchy said...

Cos we black women dnt take shit...ddnt av d tym to go thru d article tho...I jst tlk my own as e de do me

Alpha said...

Clearly, she is referring to "African American" women, when she says "black women". Don't start drawing parallels from what she's saying to relationships among Nigerian women. The American race problem is in a league of its own.

Anonymous said...

Don't blame her! I live outside nija and I keep away from black churches and black people in general. It is sad as I'm also black but after 13 years here i now see that we blacks especially women need reorientation and FAST! We have no empathy, always suspicious even amongs believers(irrespective of the religion). We are quick to condem and write people off. The list is endless. Very sad!!

Anonymous said...

while in Atlanta; and i repeat while in Atlanta... the black women she met.... Linda stop misquoting people to have an attractive headline.!!! abeg!!

thatgirlyouwant said...

Truth dot com....

Unknown said...

100% Linda take a look at our own settings here in Nigeria most men prefer the light skin ladies over the black once the lighter you are the more happier you tend to be!!if not y the increase of bleaching creams??Anyway it also has to do with mind set my opinion though.Jc

Unknown said...

to an extent sha.

Unknown said...

Hmmm!!!

linda said...

Sad to say buh it's true. D kain inferiority complex dat dey av 4 white women is appalling. In ther movies, u cn evn notice it. By d way, dey are always so loud n i tnk dats wt i hate d most bout dem. If Ur better dan sme1 or see urslf as sme1 ' s equal, u dnt av to antagonise urslf over wt dey do.

Jules said...

She's right...I think inferiority complex causes it

Anonymous said...

E too long abeg

Anonymous said...

#Fact...Most dark women hate fair women believe it or not Linda.

Victoria said...

So true

Anonymous said...

I agree with her the effect of slave masters turning blacks against each other still affects our modern day relationships to some extent but I am pretty sure there are a lot of black women that she can still befriend.

Anonymous said...

The woman is right- I am black and living in London but find it difficult to make friends with fellow black women- abeg, black people in this country get too many wahala! Why can't we all just be simple and content with ourselves??? One friend I know has a complex

Anonymous said...

Too long for an irrelevant write up. Who cares pls stop judging people based on the color of their skin. Different people different personalities.

Anonymous said...

Ermm Linda why you mad??...even you can't stare at the truth...Remove all sentiments,I am brown very brown to an extent I think I am racist...But I must tell you this All she wrote is the bitter truth.

Funky baby said...

she has valid points.

Unknown said...

She said it right coz its same in my school,state etc... Infact Nigerians are worst,they behave in a way i cant explain without abusing so i rather keep my peace. But shes right

Anonymous said...

Black american women problems. Im tellin u those guys have serious inferiority complex abt their appearance. The way they act n attack everything abt blk hair, light skin n white women. So sensitive.

Pls african women are not like dt. We do not consider ourselves inferior in anyway. To them its like a serious stronghold. I think a major factor is dt most of those women didnt grow up wt loving fathers dt made them feel protected or special. The reverse is d case wt africans. Growing up wtout a father is an anomaly here.

Unknown said...

Olodo.

Hey have u seen the shit disposal truck that answers heavenly dews? Hurry to naijacarlovers.blogspot.com and see 4 urself

Unknown said...

To an extent, it's true.

Unknown said...

#Yawn#.....her choice. Whatever rocks her boat.



#TeamBleesed#

Unknown said...

I'm with her on this one

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought maybe you are the problem?

TAMARA SPLASH said...

I agree with her to some point

Anonymous said...

Please This is sooo true. I ve been living in the UK. The only people I ever have problems with are fellow black girls. Most of my friends are white bcos they are easier and simpler to befriend and live with. Black people in general has got issues. Sad but true

Anonymous said...

Ur right. When ur family life is not stable, u have so many insecurities. Theyre always blaming white pple n slave trade. Dt shit happened generations ago. But they kp passing dt inferiority complex down to their kids.

lola said...

A black woman cannot walk around the mall with a white husband without getting sized up by other so-called 'sisters'. We are haters, period! I don't befriend blacks myself for so many reasons. I especially stay away from the Nigerian Women...they are the Eze one of haters!

Pretty tricky said...

Bonario, you hit the nail right in the head

ASAMPOKOTO said...

I agree funny enough. Once you are pretty, you are a snub, bitch or have mad issues. They get defensive and start picking at shit. I try my best to avoid black females. Especially those from my beautiful country naija :)

ASAMPOKOTO said...

Tooo fucking true. Even ordinary workout regime "I don't workout, God is my laxative" HISSSSSASASA

ASAMPOKOTO said...

Everywhere my dear. Once you are pretty you are the enemy

ASAMPOKOTO said...

Lmfaooooooo!

ASAMPOKOTO said...

Lola hey, nice to meet you. Lmfaoooooo! You literally typed my words. Only have male friends, sad I really want female friends but God forbid in this country Id rather be a loner

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