There are more women than there are men, and whether you know it or not, "your" man probably has another woman...or two. Stop being naive to these facts. A man has to both love and be in love with a woman in order to be faithful. Majority of you have men that only love you and that's makes all of the difference.
Most men are not in love with their women. I am using men as the end all, be all because society is patriarchal and it is fitting and very true for my assessment.
Do you ever, ever hear men saying "I can't wait to get a ring!" or "I can't wait to get husbanded up!"? No. Most marriages are initiated by women as are most divorces. Society has convinced most women that the pinnacle of their existence revolves around marriage to a man and bearing his children.Because of society brainwashing most women this way, men can generally get away with whatever they want to because they are the prize in the relationship, not the woman. What a lot of women do not understand is that they are nothing more than live-in maids, cooks, and sex partners. Of course a man can love a woman who cooks, cleans, and fucks him. But the magic is with the man BEING IN LOVE with the woman. Love and being in love are two different blurred lines and people like to gloss of this fact in order to save face and their feelings.
I think that infidelity is rampant because most men are not in love with their women. I could also argue that forcing most people in monogamous relationships also creates infidelity, but I do not feel like explaining all of that right now. Anyway, yes, the "being in love" part of relationships do not last long at all. Do you ever hear people say "The spice is gone"? or "I'm bored in our relationship"? Yeah, that's where these sayings come from.
244 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 244 of 244I'm sure there's one in your kitchen. The writer is so so on point. I love my girl but am not in love with her.
Nope its not the same. I'm a guy and I know what I'm saying speaking from experience
hmm...i have read comments from most LIB readers and sincernly you would almost be convince with the writer, i'm a lady and married for over 10yrs at least, love i'll says is a beautiful tin but our society has made women really tink their existence revolves around marriage! there are so many tins that make a man to LOVE a woman, i know my hubby loves me BUT i'm beginning to see it was for certain reasons and achivements i have brought into his life....maybe my tots,, but if u're in love with a woman you should be able to take the bullet for her no matter what! some men's defination of love is weird....he doesn't cheat on me that i'm 100% sure off but then is that all der is ??? that a man doesnt cheat on you does that means he's in love with you? dont be deceived not all men cheat ...it takes discipline and the fear of God and respect for your partner...enough said jor
Queen Linda, I will be restless if I don't say something here with regards to the question above. Let me state this in simple terms...Loving your woman is a conditional affair, while being in love with her is an unconditional conscience regulated affair. Let me illustrate this: Men love their women because of the physical attributes that sparks that feeling of love in men, and that's the situation that breeds infidelity.....(sight)!! But men are in love with their women because they've realised the potential that lies beneath which the eyes cannot see, therefore will stick to that one woman who has her beauty on the inside, and their conscience will never allow them to cheat on such a woman, but when they go offline, such men come home to confess their sins with a firm promise of not repeating such.
Queen Linda, I will be restless if I don't say something here with regards to the question above. Let me state this in simple terms...Loving your woman is a conditional affair, while being in love with her is an unconditional conscience regulated affair. Let me illustrate this: Men love their women because of the physical attributes that sparks that feeling of love in men, and that's the situation that breeds infidelity.....(sight)!! But men are in love with their women because they've realised the potential that lies beneath which the eyes cannot see, therefore will stick to that one woman who has her beauty on the inside, and their conscience will never allow them to cheat on such a woman, but when they go offline, such men come home to confess their sins with a firm promise of not repeating such.
That's how my boyfriend of whom we dated for 3 years, broke up for 2 years,reunited again, he professes love to me all the time, even on New Year's Day, he was tellig me be loved me and dumped my ass two days later for his ex, men are deceivers my dear, but thank Jesus if yours is true
Hmnnn...u dnt just end up in bed wit smbodi...it takes d same amount of time and energy spent on the person u r currently with, to woo and eventually cheat with whoever you cheat with. The question we should b askin then is 'what did u stop doin 4 ur partner that made him/her start loosing interest in u?' Cos truth is thr wz a time when u had him al to urself, nd then (not suddenly) things started changin...I tink women shld ansa dis...
Ladies, women, wives, mothers. Listen up. I am a man and we can love and be in love with one woman and dedicate our lives to that woman. Some men have the disease and some are result of failed relationship and the shame of getting out of it. Use the carrot and the stick approach. treat a good man well and don't follow that voice from your friend who has a routine of treating her man and is acceptable to that man. One solutions don't fits all. You will have to shape him into your man. We have ego and we are under constant attack by other women. You treating him like nobody in the house while others treat him like Royal won't get anyone nowhere. We agreed to get married to forsake all others and be with you, then because he is not able to do what you want, you now use access to your precious mat as a weapon. You start nagging and maltreating him, sexual deprivation and starvation is not the right approach. Treat a good man with carrot and "wisely" use the stick on a man not do well enough in your own way and not your friend's approach.
THIS SAYS IT ALL...We can all come here and leave comments trying to dispute all the facts this guy has pointed out. But, I am so sure that when we are alone in our beds at night...we know he said the truth.
P.S. AM A WOMAN AND MARRIED
Mr writer, STFU!!! Husbands, love your wives' wives be submissive to your husbands' the phrase didn't say 'husbands,be in love with your wife in other not to cheat. Some Men cheat cos they are selfish,weak,and lack self control but dat doesn't mean dey don't love n respect their wives,cos no matter wat, dey try to hide der unfaithfulness. While some cheat out in the open without caring if their wives catches them or not..now these are the men who do not love their wives. It's either u love or u don't love..u do not hurt wat u claim u love n dats d reason y most men will try as much as possible to hide der infidelity so as not to hurt their wives..cos to them she'll only feel hurt n suffer emotionally if she is aware of it. And not to forget that women also cheat as much as men but not on same ratio.
remain blessed for this comment, don't know why some people enjoy twisting things around. İts only someone who does not have the fear of God that utters such statements.
Ok 1st of all, can people stop saying marriage isn't d ultimate etc,I'm not saying it is but with d level of fornication in our society marriage is actually important, not dat it stops people 4rm committing adultery anyways, if people get d spiritual implication of sleeping with different people they won't ever do it, and a man can be in love and still cheat, it takes God not to cheat, d understanding of d Love of God and and having d holy spirit,thanks, Linda pls post my comment na,wetin I do u, uve not been posting my comments, God bless.
Most times being in love alone isn't even enough in marriage,understanding, tolerance and etc is required, u can be in love and still have tolerance issues, and any lady dat doesn't see herself as d price needs counselling, we are bold, fierce, strong and brave!!! We are the price, i 4 sure know that, linda pls post dis
He is 100% right bcos am a guy and i can understand it,but women will always argue that he is wrong...hate it or love it
Well,his opinion is both right and wrong. the part of society putting pressure and making most women feel incomplete without a man, is very correct. marriage is beyond a necessity or a status, it should be about "oneness". secondly, being "in love" is very different from loving someone. loving someone is always attached to certain qualities and characteristics but "being in love" is much deeper, its less about you and more of the other person. lastly, i ll like to say, cheating and unfaithfulness in a relationship, has little or nothing to do with love, it takes discipline, principle and respect for ur "urself" not to cheat. its really not about ur partner but yourself,"discipline and contentment" is a virtue and only this can prevent a man/woman from cheating.
Loving a woman is about maturity . marriage is for two mature people. About 70% of men and women are not mature for love. No body should talk about love if your not mature sincere. What we have global is technology!
An African man just behaves as he pleases because women are enablers and take their crap. Women have also refused to accept that they are equals in relationships and should be partners. Well I do not blame the men, when women will refuse to share the bills and all that. If a man bankrolls you and the household, you are his maid, his kept woman, his responsibility, his child, he can order you around and come and go as he pleases. Women take note, date and marry your peer, be equally responsible and accountable to each other.
When a man loves his girlfriend or wife, he treats her as he would treat a responsibility; behave some days, take a break on others, but will always remember to "act" as expected e.g call her before he boards a flight, remember to buy a present by 4pm on her birthday, or inform her that he just got that job which will make him move to another state, and increase his salary.
When a man is in love with his woman, he puts her first! She is the centre of his universe, he wants her to be happy and treats her with respect and unabashed affection.He buys that flight after conferring with her, he actively searches for a birthday present for her in line with her likes even a month or so before the birthday, he makes a solid emotional effort, he seeks her opinion before applying for that job to see if she would like to move or not, if it is in line with their goals as a unit, he even forwards the offer letter to her to read before he accepts the offer of that new job.
That, my friends, is the difference.But then again, it looks like women in Naija are more concerned with how much he brings or what gifts he brings, they equate love with financial affiliations.
Na lie!!! loving a woman and being in love with a woman is all bullshit!!!---y'all should go read your bible. was boaz in love with ruth. was the king in love with esther? was joseph in love with mary? was adam in love with eve? keep quiet jor! you guys talking about being in love and loving-->sound so cosmetic! *rolling my big eyes*.. if you want to love just refer to 1 Cor 13:4-13
rabbish write-up by this pesin!!
Am a man and i agree being in love and living ur wife are 2 different fings FACT!!
The fact about men being Unfaithful is bcos its in mens DNA to be able to genuinely love 1 woman and still be attracted to anoda. Its in the Blood even men that try to be faithful still fall short at some point. Dont get me wrong this is not an excuse for men to cheat ooo!!!!
The secret to staying faithful in marriage is friendship. If your wife is your best friend (i,e. more than just the woman that cooks for you and sleeps with you) no amount of temptation will be strong enough to make you want to throw that away. The basis of every true frienship is respect. If you respect your wife, once again the idea of infidelity will simply repulse you. People need to learn more about friendship and respect in marriage counseling courses. So much has been said on what women need to do or be to be a good wife. But in order to be good husbands, men need to learn how to become friends with their wives. While single, instead of simply jumping into bed with the first woman one meets, a man should try and develop a true friendship that goes beyond the physical (sex, good home cooking) but also feeds the inner being. He neesd to make his woman his friend. This obviously needs a lot of work and is by no means easy. I recommend this book by American Pastor Mark Driscoll which explains all of this in painfully honest detail.
http://www.amazon.com/Real-Marriage-Truth-Friendship-Together/dp/1400205387
Fidelity isn't a myth don't believe that lie.
Loving your woman and being in love with your woman....... Well to me, they are two different things. As it were, different strokes they say, to different folks. Whatever anyone chooses to do with his/her life, its their call.
Very well said
Friendship is the secret to being faithful to one's wife. If your wife is your best friend i.e. more than just the woman that cooks for you and sleeps with you, then no amount of temptation will make you want to throw that away. The basis of every friendship is respect. If a man respects his wife, once again, the idea of cheating on her will repulse him. Our society has not taught men to respect women, and it certainly hasn't taught men how to be friends with women. While single, men need to learn to befriend their ladies, instead of immediately jumping into the sack with them and having things progress from there, they need to develop a relationship that goes beyond the physical to something much deeper. This is hard work and involves finding shared passions and activities, being open and communicating clearly with one another. These are things men have been conditioned to avoid and it is no surprise that fidelity is suffering for it.
I lay no claim to these gems, lest I be accused of plagiarism. American Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace Driscoll penned this New York Time bestseller that explains what I've just said in much better detail. I advise you all to check it out. http://www.amazon.com/Real-Marriage-Truth-Friendship-
Together/dp/1400205387
I am so very pleased that this is coming from a man. The way girls hustle to become married women is shameless like dey dont have self respect 4 demselves expecially wen the guy dey r dating is rich. They actually forget dey have a purpose in life but dey dont give a f**k cos dey just want the money n fame. They stop working n start depending on d guy 4 everything. when d guy eventually leaves dey will say he broke deir hearts. Y wont he? who wants a burden? Anyways all am saying is a guy can only see u 4 what u show him.and 4 d rest of us single ladies, better show dem ur a princess n should be treated as 1.
U are right
This has inspired a blog post out of me
Anonymous said @ January 9, 2014 at 6:56 PM
Please take what this man said seriously, because it is 100% fact , whether you choose to acknowledge it or wade in ignorance.... my take simply ....Find a man that is IN LOVE with you. Gbam !
The truth about life is u can't and shouldn't depend on anybody for your happiness, whether the man on the woman, or the woman on the man. We are all humans, and that explains the fact that we are subject to changes occasioned by circumstances, time and people around. True love is that that flows from God to man, not even the other way around, and can never be. Love between man and woman is emotional and can be fleeting cos anything can happen to the feelings they have for each other over time.
The above piece is contradictory, especially in the last paragraph. To love or be in love, all na grammatical constructions in different shades of wording. I would agree with the writer nevertheless in that it's a patriarchal society, anywhere in the world, but many women will find it hard to come to terms with this timeless reality. In fact, God has EVER placed the man above the woman, though to love and to cherish her. That said, when it comes to the issue of marriage, you, the woman, must know yourself and try to be honest with yourself. Am I marriageable? Can I stand a man in marital union? Can I really do his bidding, without trying to compete with him? Can I face the realities of especially the present evil and adulterous world? Unless your answer can be in the affirmative to all these questions, please stay out of marriage. The man may seek more than one wife to marry; if he does, I would advise you prayerfully allow him because the alternative, which is sleeping around, is much more dangerous. The man's heart is more accommodating than that of a woman!
Marriage is meant to be God-driven cos it has to do with your life's authoritative mission and purpose, which may be safely called destiny. Any misstep can do serious damage to the essence attached to your existence here on earth. You must not be unequally yoked, remember; and can two work together except they agree? As such, you must before going too far in any serious relationship seek divine direction and guidance.
Bottom-line: Men, these days especially, can hardly be trusted with one woman. Too hard to reconcile with? Well, that's just the excruciating fact! So as the woman u should be well-advised before venturing into marriage cos the man, maybe so societally determined or naturally wired, or both, will wanna try some new woman at some point or the other, unless he is handicapped, financially, etc. Forget about being "God-fearing" and be realistic! A man can be faithful to one wife and yet be evil in some more grievous instances. Even some pastors, human as they are, sometimes lend themselves open to the natural and/or societal dictates. The man and the woman together in love should be communicative enough to know each other, and be honest with each other in what either is capable of. And lest I forget, maybe we need to redefine what cheating is. The man cheats when he doesn't admit that he has another woman outside.
this is crap...making stupid excuses for.being weak and undisciplined..mtcheww
i totally disagree with dis guy. first, society didnt make marriage, God did. So for him to say society has brainwashed women into accepting dat thier lives revolves around them getting married is complete bullshit. God has said it dat a man or a woman shall leave their parents and cling to thier partners. God instituted a long time ago before we even had a society. The basic reason we have infidel men and women is their insatiable appetite for SEX and MATERIAL THINGS. A good relationship depends solely on the discipline of both persons involved. The more disciplined and principled pple are in their relationships, the more disciplined our society will be.
Well im a man, i love ma grl and even tho i love her and i cant think of spenin d rest of ma life with anyoda grl i still find myslf playin arnd once in a wyl esp when hangin out wiv d bois and truth is it doesnt and has never changed d way i feel abt her both when im in and out of d country..so in ma opinion cheatin 4 men is.....usually not dat easy 2handle.
Take a chill pill Phaeton Phoenix with the adding of a gay twist to every relationship riddle. While you might enjoy a stiff one or two, all men isn't you.
He's not saying you can't have a faithful man. In essence, what he's saying is that a lot of women settle for less (the less being a man who loves u but is not in love with you) just to meet societal demands of getting married.
I'm standing behind u kissing ur neck as i caress ur nipples, gently kissing ur ear as my tongue probes it while u stroke my thick dick. I pull up ur skirt n slide ur panty to the side and proceed to tongue caress ur clit from the back sucking softly on it as i spread ur ass cheeks wide open, getting ur pussy moist n lubricated.I rub my hard dick on ur pussy lips as i slap it on ur clit n then u feel the 1st gentle thrust as it stretches ur pussy open n i pick up d pace, fucking u hard doggystyle as i spank ur ass cheeks...u feel my dick balls deep in u as u moan with intense pleasure as u reach behind to caress my balls while i drill, pulling ur hair n nibbling on your ear n back of ur neck as i feel ur pussy juice running down my balls.U try to move away as ur legs weaken but i hold ur waist to restrict ur movement while i continue to pound ur moist pussy hard n fast and u slip into a frenzied state of orgasm n squirt all over my dick n abs getting me all wet in the process and still very hard ;)
Perfect example
Still laughing at the fling spontaneous girl saying a man is clearly and madly in love with her...than the Gf or her confuse statement. Actually, when u look at such human animal type of gal u see desperacy and Something not normal and can only run from hand to hand cos no man can marry such lifestyle..not all u call the cheaters in dis case can settle for dogs ..
There is a degree to most things like sexual attraction and all, before you moved into his house you took time to do the make ups and clean ups he likes that and sensuality is bourne by what he saw. Love is ignited by what he felt and then by the time you move in...WRAPPER... He with love talks about it, you on the other hand with negligence grumbled about it. Sex reduces and then he is getting it else where pops up.
Still not an excuse tho, but think about it
Being in love is wen u consistently see that special person in your partner, while loving your partner is wen u consistently see that person who is your responsibility.
Wow! Am in love wit whosoever wrote dis already
See this woman sha, don't u know that if u women treat themselves as the price it won't change anything cause they are more prices out there too. Just get a man that has integrity!!!!
U better don't go and spoil ur marriage, better get advice from your pastor than one Godless writer giving excuses for his unfaithfullness and lack of integrity.
Are they unfaithful with their fellow men. It's stupid humanity in general. Better don't enter marriage with that fact.
Dear writer thanks so much for that splendid write up. Nigerian men are the most promiscus on planet earth....sad but the painful fact.
You can choose to hate tyhe author and spew your venom at him cos he hasnt written a piece on what you would want to hear.
As a woman i completely agree with his views. At least 80% of women particularly African women are raised with the mentality that your ultimate goal to happiness is been married and raising a family, and women would do anything to answer that title of Mrs. infact you are not respected if you do not have a wedding band on your finger. The men know this and are milking it. However, a man who truly understands that his wife is an extension of him would treat her with dignity and respect....
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