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Sunday, April 21, 2013

Dear LIB readers: Should I keep waiting for my husband or re-marry?

From a LIB reader
I got married in 2006. A year later in 2007, my husband relocated to the US. The plan was for him to settle there and then bring me and our only son to join him. It's been six long years and he has been giving us excuses upon excuses. He confessed that he married a white woman there but only to get his papers but I later found out he was living with this woman. When I called him a few months ago I heard a child crying at the background, so I'm suspecting they also have a child together though he says the child is the lady's child and not his. I don't believe him.
I have no way of finding out the truth because I have no one in the US to help me investigate. He has only returned home once since he traveled and this was in 2010. I feel like I'm wasting my life waiting for him especially now that I met someone else who wants to marry me. I'm not divorced from my husband so marrying another man would be illegal. When I suggested divorce to my husband he flipped and told me to give him more time that he will come home as soon as he's stable there. I'm tired of waiting. I need a man in my life. Can I remarry because I think my husband is also married.

236 comments:

1 – 200 of 236   Newer›   Newest»
The Nigerian said...

my dear what state does he live in? I have people that can help you track him down in the US.

Anonymous said...

Please remarry as soon as possible. Time waits for no man.

TOLUWALASHE'S BOO said...

Quit waiting.
File for divorce.
He's a stupid man.
The only clause is the new guy.
You sure you know him very well?
'cause the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.
Make a wise decision

Anonymous said...

Personally I would advice you to file for a divorce and move on ....abeg why should you suffer and wait for a man that is living the life in America?...what if he finally comes back whats the guarantee that you people would still love each other after his games?.....move on my dear

Anonymous said...

Dear single mother, you dont have a husband. You have a penpal. Complete your divorce proceedings and get along with your life.

Anonymous said...

Eyaaa! I feel ur pain and u sound like Ibo, na dem fit d talk of waiting, if na yoruba she for don marry like two times since forget d jand hubby( Abeg no hating oo, na true I dey yan )

Anonymous said...

If you need to investigate, simply get in touch with the US embassy with your marriage papers. Having said that, if he did marry the woman to get his papers, it is required by law that they live together for him to get the documents.

You can let him know you're willing to approach the US embassy with your marriage pictures and certificate and he may fess up to his current situation.

Wish you all the best and God's guidance and blessings.

Anonymous said...

EyaaAa pele! But it looks like your husband don marry iyawo oh because it doesn't take this long to collect papers and bounce!...... Please what's his name? Yeah yankee is big but there is someone who will know someone who knows everybody.

Anonymous said...

Wow! That's a tough 1 but I'll advise you to wait. It will pay off in the end. Think about your son also.

Anonymous said...

Take ur case to God in prayers and fasting for a week to fight for you and you'll see what He'll do.

Anonymous said...

breast fish like you sitdown there and wait till you reach menopause then you will know weda to marry or not

Anonymous said...

Just go ahead n remarry simple cos if u didn't bet me in d next ten yrs he will not come bck.

Anonymous said...

Go to his family,return the. Bride price and move. On with your life.

Anonymous said...

Pls do and gladly move on. He is surely wasting your time.

Anonymous said...

You need to let your husband know that you have met someone and you would like to move on, if he is serious about the marriage then he will fight to make it work. when I say fight I mean fight seriously, not sweet talking

Anonymous said...

Marry jor. No waste ya time.

cecil amy said...

Na wa oh! my dear please time waits for no woman.A man can get married at any age but women can't.Don't let him waste your time and strength of given birth at early stage.

kbrown#Dench said...

Tell God! He won't Tell anoda ,he won't judge u,he won't remind u anoda day,above all he will Fix it!

Anonymous said...

Dis is a serious one

Anonymous said...

WeLl u can still give him more time cos u ve a child for him.for d sake of ur son pls wait.moreover all men r d same dey will promise u heaven and earth and nt fulfilling it.u can atleast give him two months to sort out watever is delaying him.

Anonymous said...

If U̶̲̥̅̊
ar a christian, U̶̲̥̅̊
jst av 2 wait and pray. Dats pray wifout siezing and beliv coz derez nofin God cannot do. What if he's telling d truth? Its 50 50 buh if U̶̲̥̅̊
pray, God will send answers. Its a promise

By4nk said...

I ve never supported all these janded marriage arrangement. Most of our ladies are wasting their fruithful yrs in naija, waiting for husbands who are hustling abroad. My dear I advise u to move on,start d divorce process and stop denying urself true happiness. Make sure whoever u decide to be with loves and accepts ur son. Life is too short to leave ur happiness in d hands of another man. Good luck and God bless!

palo said...

My dear re-marry with speed, don't discuss divorce with him any more, just send him †̥ђε̲̣̣̣̥ papers and move on with ur life, ur husband is just being selfish,he obviously has a family in †̥ђε̲̣̣̣̥ states,1 visit in 6years kind of spells that outrighly,move on sister! Goodluck

Anonymous said...

Pls wait for him for the sake of ur son.moreover d devil u know before its beta than the angel u just met.give him some time to sort himself out.

Pregnancy Concierge said...

Contact me at pregnancyconciergeusa.com. I will help you investigate...you can file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment, I think. Lawyers, over to you...
Is he sending money and calling? Otherwise 6 years is too long. Marry the new guy after getting a proper divorce if the guy is not doing his job. You're not getting any younger, and you companionship and sex.

Anonymous said...

If u can give me ur full names n ur husbands full names n location,I'll help u investigate.I'm good at it

Anonymous said...

If he got married to another woman for paper, pls remarry for happiness. You alone know what is good for u. Follow ur heart.

Anonymous said...

Follow your heart. I don't you love your husband that much cos you are already seeing someone else

Anonymous said...

God please forgive me for saying this but my darlyn plz LEAVE HIM and marry another. I thot u wanted to say u want to leave him and find another only to read "THERE IS A MAN THAT WANTS TO MARRY ME" plz plz plzzzzz dont waste ur life/time and the man's time....divorce ur husband and marry the man at hand.

May God guide u!

Lala said...

Hmmm. You get your traveling documents right after you get a green card . And if he has been married for so long I believe he already has one if not citizenship self. I wonder why he has not even tried to vissit you. That's a red flag.... Maybe the guy has moved on. Marriage records are available online if u have his name and the state he lives u can see if he has kids or not.

ayomide adeware said...

Sister Ruth, Pls Pray & fast for six more years!

Anonymous said...

I think u shouldnt remarry,cus it doesn't mean another man wnt give u a bigger problem! I think u shld just stand up to challenge of making yourself happy by working hard to earn,love and serve- for your God, son and you!.....'De'a

Anonymous said...

REMARRY ABEG N STOP WASTING UR TIME

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Hmmmm quite unfortunate u found yourself in such precarious situation.If u feel convinced u're ready to moveon I'll suggest u seek a legal end to ur union by going to the court,there u will get to hear from experts.
Av never been in support of this my husband in diaspora type of marriage.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

Anonymous said...

Wanaski

Anonymous said...

My sister where is this guy. Lemme go investigate for U. People have a plan b4 U travel. The whole marriage for papers thing is a no no. But to each his/her own.
Thing is if everything goes right he shld have his US citizenship 3 yrs after he gets the green card (takes btw 12 to 18 months to get) so do some calculation and find out if he's married for papers or for real. As for the pikin. I don't know ooooo

Anonymous said...

Are you a learner?

ExoticEyez MiMi said...

What's the point of being married when ur more or less living the life of a single woman. If you keep waiting you will eventually find out years later that you only inheit your enstranged husband after his viable years have passed and all that's left is for you to nurse an old wrinkled sickly man you barely know anything about. Get out while you can still get another start to happiness.

janet J said...

Some men are bastards. He will do everything he can to keep u from progressing while he is married and having kids.

Divorce him, state "Desertion". A judge will grant a divorce. Marry this new guy and move on.

Or u can wait for ur eggs to dry up while ur visa-seeking husband is happy.

Anonymous said...

Life is all about happiness my dear. Do what your heart wills. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Ur husband is straving u from fucking. And he is enjoying himself. U berra get a fuck mate if u feel so pity 4 him and u don't want to divorce him

valushi said...

I think this is height of stupidity,keep wasting your life,while he is having a ball.If you must sacrifice,do it with eyes wide open.Don't give anyone,what you'll regret later.

titoseen said...

Men cld b wicked at tymz...go ahead nd marry d dude before U̶̲̥̅̊ ls him.

Anonymous said...

When they leave wt such promises, they usually don't come back or either forget they made d promise, as for me if u give me such promise, I'll send u my wedding IV no long story

That guy wants to eat his cake and have t, he wl not marry u again but waste ur time tl u r off market and not appealing to anyone to marry u again then he wl come wt his shocker

Forget this 'am using her for my papers' u can actually do ur papers abroad without getting intimate to d extent of having a baby at ur arrangee

So na d tin wey he wan do he don do, divorce his sorry ass and move on, u'll be glad u did

6whoopin years??? OMG I can't - am sory

HYBunny

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahahahahah...are u a Learner?

boobeeleecious said...

Its simple.... Give him an ultimatum!!!!!!! With that,no one's gonna blame no one... Cappeish???

Anonymous said...

Sit down there and be waiting o.....wait til Jesus returns. Mtschewwwwwww

T.......... said...

Are u a waiter?.........T

Anonymous said...

Its only weak n lazy men that belive traveling out n gettn married to a white lady is d only way to make money...so if u r a man n u r in dis category,u r a dissapointmnmt n a disgrace no matter hw much mny u hav,n women who let their man go abroad for greener pastures or marry dos livn abroad r jsta bunch of desperate n ignorant fellows.

Ify said...

Well, I don't support divorce. Just put evryth in prayer nd wait for God's intervention nd am sure almighty God won't forsake u. U v waited dis long, y nt wait a little more? He could be working on his last plan now. Just put God first nd evryth wl work according to his plan.

Anonymous said...

REMARRY ABEG N STOP WASTING UR TIME

Anonymous said...

Yes u need to remarry ok

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmmm, wat a mystery! Men and deceit! God wld show u d way, and seek elders 4 counsel.... Rutee

Apple said...

Hahahahaha..hehehehehe.. First of all, you are one of the most STUPID WOMAN IN LOVE i know, second of all, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME!! third of all, your so called 'husband' is eating his cake and having it! ( just as MOST Nigerian men do! ) Last of all MADAM! MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmmm, wat a mystery! Men and deceit! God wld show u d way, and seek elders 4 counsel.... Rutee

Anonymous said...

Waitin is lyk wastin ur tym... U deserve 2 be hapi too.let him knw abt ur decision & how serious u r wt d bold step u wanna tk. God wil grant u wisdom 2 sort d issue.

nnete said...

You need to get a lawyer, a private investigator or contact the US embassy. Frankly i think you know you've been played you just have to sort yourself out and move on.

datvalerie said...

Your a big fool. stupid question. Read wat u typed and if you cant find your answer then your a dense. Linda post dis o.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am truly sorry for what you are going thru and I suggest you move forward with your life. If your he has not settled down in 6years he's lying and he's using both u and d woman in the US.

Anonymous said...

come and marry me now,,some thing you knew very good before you inter into it,,and now you are asking the publics advice to decide for you?menh never carry things u are not really stronger to carry

Ela Nneka Mbaomah said...

Its a pity oooo. Sorry nne. But grls of this age, anyi anaghi anu ihe, maybe na hurry you hurry marry. Now see were it landed you. U can't go forward, u can't go backwards either. Ndo ooo. There is nothing you can do ooo. U will wait for him. Its till death do you path.

Anonymous said...

This is really a touching story,my dear,it's obvious he doesn't care about you and your son,you are just his home based wife,the one that services his dildo when he returns,was your marriage customary or both traditional and white wedding?I don't support divorce,but by all means,he has seperated from you for long,divorce him,you can't be a slave to this institute,you didn't say if he has been taking care of you based on finacial source,if he hasn't,that's another reason to end this charade...chima.

Anonymous said...

Dump ur sorry excuse of a husband n marry a real man who accepts u wit a son.
D most annoying part of the gist is he has come 2 home to u n ur son jus once sice 2006!!! Babe, pls move on..

Anonymous said...

Move on wt ur life dear,he has moved on. He's a wicked person 4 trying 2 pause ur life while his is playing well

Austine Onyedibe said...

Abegi if u ar working better remarry n" that should be me just call 08064481345.
-I will be there for u babe •°.OogaooooO.o°•

Anonymous said...

Hey, you are wasting time o. what do you mean you do not have anybody in the USA so you do not know hoe to find out if he is truly married.

Get a private detective in the US and PAY for the service. They will findout for you whatever you need to know, so that you can make a decision and move on with your life.

GO and google private detective, and start talking to one of the.

GoodLuck.

Chi Nwa said...

B4.....u better divorce and re marry....wait for him ndi obodo ebe? my dear I no go fit wait dat long and stil keep waiting bcos? abeg if he is serious he shld come back dem they take paper cook soup?

Anonymous said...

tym is precious my dear. He might come bck now nd begin to tell u stories or am sori I can't continue with dis marriage. Move on with ur life while u still can since he's married to a white woman nd dat baby is his he just don't wanna tell u d truth so move on girlie

Anonymous said...

My dear tym waits for nobody so beta marry d man u see nw cos delay might b dangerous

Anonymous said...

marriage is forever.....for better for worse; so pray hard and work on yourself, so that he'll be gingered to return

Anonymous said...

My opinion is, you should just chill for a while, tell your new found guy ur working on gettin urself a divorce paper......you'll be fine.....

Anonymous said...

my questn is did u pray b4 marrying him,nd u neva consult anybody then bt God,pls go back to God in prayer.

Anonymous said...

save money, get a visa, buy yourself a ticket even if it is for one week, and go and see things for yourself. if after seven years your husband has not been able to gather enough money to send to you to atleast visit him, he is either doing something illegal in which case you dont want to have anything to do with him, or he is not planning a future with you. Either way, you would know whats up. goodluck

Anonymous said...

Seek the Face of God in this Matter. In all, I'll also advice you to WAIT! You've ur Son(a Man) forget others...

Anonymous said...

This is really sad,but let's be honest,it possible d guy is married to d white lady,and dey hv a child together,I won't blame u if u decide to move on,the charade has gone on long enough biko.

Anonymous said...

my questn is did u pray b4 marrying him,nd u neva consult anybody then bt God,pls go back to God in prayer.

Anonymous said...

Are u a learner?? Come on go and marry de young man. Your hubby is married with a child abroad so my dear get married when he comes back to make problem with U my dear come and call me I will stab him 2 death Lol.

Anonymous said...

‎​Ʊ better dhl divorce papers to his US address and marry someone else sharpaly. A word is enuf for the wise.

Davida said...

Girl, you better leave him! 6 years? Are you living a peaceful life now trying to find the truth? Look for peace

cherish said...

My dear...go ahead and marry..he is not worth having you...thank God u v someone in ur life that is ready to marry u.pls marry him..time is not on urside...the only thing ,u JUst let him know the whole story...let the óther man fuck off.u v tried by waitíng for him this long..

ReviewNaija said...

Honey, follow your heart. Marriage is sacred, no doubt. But you've been waiting all this while. If your husband were telling the truth, do you think you guys could work things out? And if he weren't telling the truth, would you forgive yourself? I think you should weigh your options. Also consider your son..it would be nice for him to have a father figure growing up. It's a tough decision, I understand and feel for you. I pray God will direct you in making the right decision. Amen.

PS One thing I'd say though...if you decide to re-marry make sure your husband is aware. If not, there'll be little difference between what he did and what you'll be doing. Even if he flips, at least he'll know. Good luck lady, and God be with you.

Checkout ReviewNaija to read/contribute to reviews of organizations in Nigeria!

Anonymous said...

Okunriin!!! I feel ur pain. U are a good exaample of a virteous woman (waiting for ur Romeo to come bak to his juliet) but I must say you are also a fool, a very foolish fool at that. You are not remarrying because you have not divorced your husband but you allowed your husband to marry a white woman because of papers am not pitying you on this at all because you have just shown that you are very wicked, cruel, carlos and heartless for wanting for husband back. How? Just put your self in the white woman's shoes (u now know why right?). Your husband's marriage to you is still intact and you allowed him marry another woman (I don't care about Y) and because of this same marriage to your husband you don't want to remarry u are stupid and if you vez me I keep hurling insults and curses on you told you. See go and remarry (maybe as "iyawo sara"/Alhaji's 22nd wife and stop wasting OUR time. Linda berra paste my comment for her own good. For further counsel, advice, prayer or curse. Moral lesson: you can't see ur cakke and have it. ...2715926F. Don mikel

Anonymous said...

Babe Please remarry... Don't watch your life pass before your eyes because you are waiting for a man who is selfish. Insist on a divorce and move on.

my kk said...

What a sad story! I am sure your husband still have parents,let them be aware of your intentions since you guys are legally married and there is a child involved, I wish you well my sister.

Anonymous said...

Sure dis is a lot of women's story!mdam best remarry cos am sre u re already fuckin anoda man(nt judging u)

Anonymous said...

Remarry plizz

Ezinne Anyaoha said...

Mcheeeeeeeew! Annoying story! Wat does it take to b invited to the US Naa... Even if its ordinary visit. Odiegwu rily! D kind of tins women face in marriage dese days..pls giv him an ultimatum,we r not here to joke! No time! Rubbish!

Ijjoy said...

My dear girl its obvious that ur husband is married and living happily wit d other woman, u beta marry d guy that is coming to marry u and move on wit ur life b4 it's too late.

uyii said...

My dear,move foward ooooo!!! Dats all I have to tell u,distance relationship hardly works out talk more of distance marriage...

Ameriestyle said...

Sweetheart, please move on with your life before you grow grey hair waiting for one man...don't waste your precious time, just move on if you can..Nigerian Men are just too useless *kmt
www.ameriestyle.com

Anonymous said...

Divorce him as soon as possible n remarry someone better

Alicia says... said...

You are one of the many reasons why Nigeria is stagnant.

Alicia says... said...

You blind docile Christians irritate the hell out of me!!

Anonymous said...

IM a Christian....so my Dear DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE HOLIER THAN THOU PEOPLE......IN The bible you are allowed to divorce on grounds of adultery ...not only has your husband sinned he has remarried....abeg move on ...waiting for ho? ...MOVE ON

Alicia says... said...

Mtchewwwww

Alexis said...

Seriously!!!! Come and suck breast since u still a kid. Can't you go apply for America visa? If dis story is real then you need to be slapped. Waiting for which hubby? My dear that white woman is in love with him just as you are...she won't let him go. You be learner? Biko Nne wake up and get pregnant for any available guy. Mama gee sikwa ANYA SAA.

I am the NoSender. said...

Na wa. Telling this lady to remarry may not be as easy as that,depending on the type of marriage contracted. I believe she ought to have proof of her husband's status in the U.S to make her plans for divorce succeed. Else she could commit bigamy which is a serious crime. So my dear I suggest you pray hard.
Hopefully some ladies will learn from these foreign based contractuals that leave women married but single and hope to God to mingle.

Ijjoy said...

Woman which kind advice u want? It's obvious ur husband is using ur head.u either move on or wait for him till eternity.

Anonymous said...

You are a fool, for insulting yoruba. If u have respect for your family and tribe, u won't be saying such rubbish.

Alicia says... said...

Lmao

Anonymous said...

Move on honey, get married, get settled with another decent man, forget bout him and his paper tins, forget all the investigations n stuffs, just move on. When he finally carries his white dick back u can then attend to him. Then it will be u did me, I did u, so den u can settle ur differences, dat is if d white old woman will release him from white prison.

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Anonymous said...

Pls stop hating yoruba people ! What is your problem? Tribalistic animal

Anonymous said...

My dear,return the bride price and re-marry.....but,you should really know this new guy o. Gdluck.

Anonymous said...

Quit waiting my dear

Anonymous said...

Madam, that stupid man is ruining your life already, but don't allow him to accomplish his mission to the fullest. Six years is not a joke, you have over waited. Please, you don't need to tell him anything again, move on with your life. Just let his family and your family bear your withness. He's living his life with his "oyinbo" wife, why denying you to live a good life.

Anonymous said...

Pls divorce d motherfucker nd go on wit ΰя life joor.he is jst a bloody bastard.some men can be Śϑ wicked..*mtscheew*

Anonymous said...

Na wa o....It is nt by force 2 marry biko..he shud choose btw his oyinbo wife n u...make dat known 2 him and give a an ultimatum..my dear if he doesnt meet it..live ur life..yeye men..want 2 continue eatin dier cake n havin it.scheeeeewwww.

Anonymous said...

Re u stupid? Even d bible supports divorce on d grounds of unchastity?En dis Man has def bin unchaste..If he truly loves u,he wudnt put u thru dis.Six years is a lot en u jest wasted it waitin 4 sm1 wu isn't komn 2 u.Get a divorce nt bkos u want 2 marry sm1 else bt bcos u re tired.Mak an honest decision 4rm ur mind en u wnt regret it.

Anonymous said...

Whether for papers or not dude is remarried prob has kids, move onnn to d next, plz don't waste ur precious years

Anonymous said...

Lool best comment so far. As in the woman is sooo stupid? Hah. As in what r u thinking? The guy fucks and cuddle with a woman every night nd ur der suffering urself. Okay naww. Bee:)

wasiu said...

Wait for him. He should return when you are 40. And since life really begins at 40, u should be good

Anonymous said...

have you prayed about it?

Anonymous said...

It hurts so much when a mere bf treats women dis way,not to talk of a man u exchanged Vows wit @ the Alter of God.. Well,my candid advice is if u know the man u want to get married to is willing to love ur son as his own then u shuld go ahead nd marry him..seek God also..all will be well dear......

James said...

He has played you.

Did you know that the world "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?

Queen Bee said...

Like seriously u put up ur no?
So what If she's not working,you won't be interested right?haha!
yeye golddigger like u,see ur glasses like pick_pocket,may God deliver u....say amen!

Anonymous said...

LOL Ruth abokoku

Anonymous said...

I can be of help. I reside in U.S.

Ezinne Anyaoha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Pls state the site.

Anonymous said...

Am sure he's nt planning to settle down finally wit a white lady,this place is a long process especially for foreigners to get their green card.Maybe he's stil trying to convince d lady,and to make it right.its weird bt am talking out of experience, wit a lot of prayers &devotion am happy wit him nw in US ...so pls for d sake of God &ur son who is the bond,give him time and pray ceaselessly. I had temptations too wit men bc at this point they wil come to be the best bt tnk God I conquered.Just listen to a little tiny voice dat always says TRUST. Remain in God's grace &be blessed. Good luck.
Jenny

Anonymous said...

Do you know if she is financially bouyant?

Anonymous said...

My dear, what you need to do is call your family and your husband family for a meeting. let them know what you want to do and give them time and date if there son did not do the right thing you will divorce him.But did you real love your husband seeing someone else before you talk about divorce.

Anonymous said...

Nawah for u ooo,contract marriage is the easiest way to get green card and nationalization .ur advice sounds lik a bomb be nice pls

Anonymous said...

just prayer to God, as you can see Linda still waiting for me after ten year.lol.....after two baby mama in U.S.

bitchplis said...

@toluwalashe I pity d guy dat'l eventually marry u

Anonymous said...

@anon 3:34, that is disrespectful, i have actually had enough of you igbo people thinking that u r the best, you guys do as if u can do no wrong pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. That isn't true , u ignorant sod fucking moron . you guys r all hypocrites

Accuratetravels said...

This case is simple and it depends on you. Call your husband he should return home and you will be ready to weather whatever storm that may arise with him. And you must do that in all sincerity. If he comes home and you fail to make him happy whether rich or poor, know god will judge you. He is where he is at the moment to make you and your son happy and he is telling you the truth. Life in America is exactly as he described to you. Be patient and prayerful. A patient dog eats the fattest bone.

Anonymous said...

Sybil Sufan aka Laila is this you? Mr Otunba is married for real o not just papers he has his kids in d states already my dear u need no help u re doing worse than him already women can be funny o you cheated in him too with your son in d next room stop acting innocent babe!! Benin girl things u Thot being mixed race was gold right?

Anonymous said...

My mom waited for my dad for 10 years and 3 of my sisters, I and mom are now in the USA , one big happy family. I'll say 50/50 though my mom had all 4 of us in Naija, she still had to wait 10 years for her hubby. It really depends.

Anonymous said...

Dear Linda,

I really pity this lady, it's very unfortunate. This same issue actually happen to me , I travelled abroad to further my studies leaving behind my wife and two sons back home in Nigeria, we the hope that she's going to join me here but things does not work the way we plan, so unfortunate. While abroad met a white lady, we started going out and before you no it she's pregnant and later deliver a baby boy, so unfortunate.

NB: I got married in 2006 and travelled abroad in 2009, my advice to this Lady is that she should try and talk to his husband on this issue to know how to solve the matter, keep praying.

My advice to your readers, for those who are married and thinking ol leaving thier wife's back in Nigeria should think twice its not a good thing, if both of you cannot go together its better you don't go at all. A lots of guys and ladies are into this predicament simply because of paper issue which at the end of the day one might not even get it.

Anonymous said...

Abeg go remarry b4 konji and loneliness send u 2 untimely death.

★★PRINCE CHARMING™★★ said...

End it! Reasons; You have just become an option.

Anonymous said...

Lol @ penpal. So rite tho. U don't hv a husband. Quit wastin ur lyf. Get a divorce n move on!

Anonymous said...

Send his detail , age and this information can be secured discreetly. Would need his name, location, occupation state of origin etal can be secured within a week

Anonymous said...

Do not act out of assumption. Like one of the readers advised,get in touch with the US embassy with your marriage papers and see for yourself but tell him your moves and observe his reactions.

Anonymous said...

Just as an FYI the way Yankee papers work is 2 yrs temp green card. After 2 yrs, you can file for a permanent green card. You can file for citizenship after 5 yrs or 3 yrs if you're living with your 'spouse'. Most ppl doing papers don't live together (even though its required by law). So it's not like he HAS to live with d lady talk less of having a child with her. Lets assume he did t start his papers immediately, ha ha, 6 years is still a long time. And yes, he can travel with his temp green card.

So in conclusion, 'alatise lo ma mo atise ara e'. U know in your heart what u should do. If you don't, ten pray for god to lead you but be very wise my dear. You shouldn't be married yet living single while your hubby is married and living married (with another woman).

Anonymous said...

Legally speaking a lot wiould have to do with his legal status and its current state of adjudication, however, I would suggested having an Ernest discussion to get a clearer picture of the issues and write back, wold be able to give you better legal resolutions with a bit more details.
Hanye Ejiofor, Esq.

Anonymous said...

Here are some of his option depending on his current legal status in the US.

Immigrant Visa for a Spouse or Fiancé(e) of a U.S. Citizen
PrintEmail
Spouse
If you are an American citizen you have two ways to bring your foreign spouse (husband or wife) to the United States to live. They are

Immigrant visa for a Spouse of a U.S. Citizen (IR1 or CR1) - An immigrant Petition for Alien Relative, Form I-130 is required.
Nonimmigrant visa for spouse (K-3) - It is important to note that application for the nonimmigrant visa for spouse (K-3) who married a U.S. citizen must be filed and the visa must be issued in the country where the marriage took place. After the visa process has been completed, and the visa is issued, the spouse can travel to the United States to wait for the processing of the immigrant visa case. Two petitions are required:
Petition for Alien Relative, Form I-130; and
Petition for Alien Fiancé(e), Form I-129F
Fiancé(e)
If you are an American citizen, you may bring your fiancé(e) to the United States to marry; and live here.

Nonimmigrant visa for fiancé(e) (K-1)- To travel to the United States for marriage. An I-129F fiancé(e) petition is required.

Immigrant Visa for a Spouse (IR1 or CR1)
Nonimmigrant Visa for a Spouse (K-3)
Nonimmigrant Visa for a Fiancé(e) (K-1)


Regards,

Hanye Ejiofor, Esq.

Anonymous said...

I have a cousin in the same situation and I am Yoruba, the lady (wife) left behind in Nigeria here still lives with the parents of my cousin, the boy had gone now for seven years and even married a with lady and they have a baby girl whose picture he brandish any time he calls home on video call. Thou in his case he had not come to Nigeria since he left the shores of this country, no body wants to gives the poor girl a sincere advice in the family b'cos we did know that she is wasting her time. Maybe when the boy (my cousin) comes back after twenty something years the poor girl will be waiting and hoping that the boy will not come back with the oyinbo!

Anonymous said...

What Is a "Spouse"?
A spouse is a legally wedded husband or wife.

Merely living together does not qualify a marriage for immigration.
Common-law spouses may qualify as spouses for immigration purposes depending on the laws of the country where the common-law marriage occurs.
In cases of polygamy, only the first spouse may qualify as a spouse for immigration.
Same-sex marriages are not recognized by immigration law for the purpose of immigrating to the U.S.

Haney Ejiofor,Esq.

Maureen Prince said...

Which street, which state is he staying people we no can track himm, he is a player.

Anonymous said...

Hope this gives ou some insight


Same-sex marriages are not recognized by immigration law for the purpose of immigrating to the U.S.
The First Step toward an Immigrant Visa: Filing the Petition
The first step is to file a Petition for Alien Relative, Form I-130, with the Department of Homeland Security, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) for your spouse (husband or wife) to immigrate to the United States. For instructions on how to file a petition, including where you should send the petition, see the USCIS website.

In certain circumstances, a U.S. citizen living abroad can file an immigrant visa petition outside of the United States. Review Filing Immigrant Petitions Outside the United States to learn more.

U.S. Sponsor Minimum Age Requirement
There is no minimum age for a U.S. sponsor (petitioner) to file a petition for a spouse. However, you must be at least 18 years of age and have a residence (domicile) in the U.S. before you can sign the Affidavit of Support (Form I-864 or I-864EZ). This form is required for an immigrant visa for a spouse and other relatives of U.S. sponsors.

Is Residence in the U.S. Required for the U.S. Sponsor?
Yes. As a U.S. sponsor/petitioner, you must maintain your principal residence (also called domicile) in the U.S., which is where you plan to live for the foreseeable future. Living in the U.S. is required for a U.S. sponsor to file the Affidavit of Support, with few exceptions. To learn more, review the Affidavit of Support (I-864 or I-864EZ) Instructions.

If You Were an LPR and Are Now a U.S. Citizen: Upgrading a Petition
If you filed a petition for your spouse when you were a lawful permanent resident (LPR), and you are now a U.S. citizen, you must upgrade the petition from family second preference (F2) to immediate relative (IR). You can do this by sending proof of your U.S. citizenship to the National Visa Center (NVC). You should send:

A copy of the biodata page of your U.S. passport; or
A copy of your certificate of naturalization
Important Notice: If you are now a U.S. citizen, you must file separate immigrant visa petitions for each of your children. If you upgrade a family second preference (F2) petition for your spouse and you did not file separate petitions for your children when you were a lawful permanent resident (LPR), you must do so now. A child does not receive derivative status in an immediate relative (IR) petition. This is different from the family second preference (F2) petition where a child is included in his/her parent's F2 petition. A child is not included as a derivative in his/her parent's IR petition.

Children born abroad after you became a U.S. citizen may qualify for U.S. citizenship. They should apply for U.S. passports. The consular officer will determine whether your child is a U.S. citizen and can have a passport. If the consular officer determines your child is not U.S. citizen, the child must apply for an immigrant visa if he/she wants to live in the U.S.


Haney Ejiofor,Esq

Anonymous said...

My dear hmmmmm oh mennnn marry my o my sis I knw fit shout.man alwys feel its their world but it doesn't work dat way anymore.

Anonymous said...

Sorry but she should wait for how long?? 6 years is not long enough abi. She should wait till she hits menopause, grows old and starts using walking stick. SMH

Anonymous said...

Heaven helps those who help themselves. That is all.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, Toluwashe, I'm impress...

Jeny-alorah said...

i soo feel 4 dis chick...poor innocent gal. pele shogbo

Anonymous said...

Wow! See comments oooooh! There is a lot more to this story : does he send you money or even for his child & how often?
Does he get in touch regularly ?
Do you still share any bond of friendship ?
You alone can answer this questions!
Becos, I know someone here in the UK who only got the first temporary part of his papers after 10 yrs of being married to a very wicked British woman who even after 2 kids refused to help him with his papers! And although the guy can travel to Nig or anywhere he likes.... But the paper given to him requires a total of 6 yrs temporary stay b4 being granted the permanent one! So think well my dear! I would have suggested you keep dating this new guy for now and take things easyyyy! Focus on ur son and how to prosper ur own future! I know ur husband is in the united states & not UK, but trust me some guys Stupidly go thru hell and back to get their papers ...............

Anonymous said...

The best pple to ask are other nigerians who live in the states! Someone must surely know him , besides they will know about the types of paper people can get by marriage and the duration. Also if you have a good job , they why not apply for an American visa to go see things for yourself!
Even this new guy, pls still pray pray ! And make ur son, ur own progress and happiness ur priority........ All d best

Anonymous said...

Those of you insulting this lady are just plain heartless, how insensitive of you guys. This is a matter of the heart, envy you feel she is so naive, why must it result to insult. A little kind word of advice would not hurt.

Please my dear, the guy is obviously taking you for a ride bcos he knows you are willing to wait for him. Even if he is willing to leave that lady, trust me, she won't let. She will make his life miserable. He's scared that's why he's still with her. So my dear, instead of wasting your time, get a divorce and be a happy, free woman. Cheers!!!

Anonymous said...

1- u married a man u knew was already married(for whatever reasons) your marriage to him is therefore null and void ab initio

2- I am not sure u married him for the right reasons, probably the lure of leaving abroad

3- my main problem is with the goat proposing marriage to u knowing u are a married woman, if he has no scruples about your status, you can't be sure of his fidelity when you eventually marry him

Finally, I don't think you have any impediment moving forward as the so called marriage is a sham with no legal foundation


Don Tee

Osasumwen Igbinoba said...

divorce his ass!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lmao!

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous 3.34pm,I'm in the same situation as this lady and I'm a full yoruba lady. The only differnce is, I live in London while he stays in America. I have not remarried, we married like almost 8yrs now. You are very wrong about what you've just said....

Esta said...

Madam Alicia stop sounding dull

Anonymous said...

Sybil Sufan is this your story ? Maximus

Anonymous said...

1. Report dat bitch ass nigga to the authorities
2. File for divorce in the USA, get you that alamony
3. File for child support
4. Find ya ass a real man!
That's all!

Anonymous said...

My dear heaven help those who help them selves...of cos u av2 pray buh dnt xpect God2 come down frm heaven nd fix tins for u. U av waited long enough. PLZ MOVE ON

Cynthus said...

Lol @ 1st anon, u r badt!

Anonymous said...

Na wa 4 u anon Oº° make her puna get cobwebs first??

Anonymous said...

Please my dear sister divorce the man and move on with ur life with a new man coz that child needs a father figure in his life and u need a companion. Am talking from experience my dad left my mom too wen I was five ,my younger brother was barely six months wen he traveled abroad saying he was looking for greener pastures.just imagine the loneliness we felt growing up no dad just mom,coz of the love she felt for the lying man she never remarried or had an affair with another person buh still he got married ,he has two kids with another nigerian woman .so please please if u really love urself and ur child file for divorce and get ur life together . I wish my mom had moved on too pls don't make the same mistake hmmmmm. Men like that are stupid he has already moved on , whatever that comes out of his mouth is. Lies and deceit pls ooooooooo

Anonymous said...

my dear am in US and am welling to help find that up,linda pls send d lady contact to me.give me an email i can give you my details

forensic brain said...

Ayo, is dat you?

latifa said...

Let us be truthful for once na.....this man married another woman while still married to her....she can divorce him based on adultery and there is nothing wrong with that...everytime pray of course she shld prayer but that doesn't mean she shldnt take any action. 7yrs haba!!! Na by force to go yankee???

Anonymous said...

Sometimes,i wonder why girls like abroad men than 9ja men.@ 1st,i will tell u no 9ja guy that went there and come back and marry here and goes back without u,that is not mmarried there.That's the fact for them to get a green card. Well,i will advice u to wait for a month and then no show,babe remarry jare.

Nikky said...

Sadly, shit really does happen from time to time. Its too late to rehash the past so why not contact 2 divorce lawyers and get some professional advice. I believe a marriage can be dissolved on certain grounds unless you did just traditional or white wedding. Marriage can be very antifemale sometimes in Naija so be prepared to be strong and ready to do the necessary to come out of this situation.

Anonymous said...

It takes a very long time to stay settled in the US, first of all. He has to HAVE the money to file for you and your son and do all necessary documentations and preparations. It isn't easy.
Now, as for him possibly having another family, it might be in fact true because he has to somehow convince the "white woman" that he isn't in the relationship for papers. As sad as it is, but beneficial for you and your son, when he gets his papers, and is stable, he'll most likely divorce the other woman.
All you need to do is communicate and dig deep as to how close he is to getting his shxt together. It's taken some women 10years to reunite with their husband abroad. He sends you money right? Be patient :)
Or, you can take the other route and file for divorce if you really have to have a man.
P.S. it took my dad 8years to bring my mom over...he wasn't with anyone for papers, however. He worked hard for his citizenship.

Anonymous said...

You are not a serious somebody

latifa said...

Let us be truthful for once na.....this man married another woman while still married to her....she can divorce him based on adultery and there is nothing wrong with that...everytime pray of course she shld prayer but that doesn't mean she shldnt take any action. 7yrs haba!!! Na by force to go yankee???

Anonymous said...

tell us where he stays i can find out for you, when you are ready i will give you my email and u can send the details

Anonymous said...

Any need for d insult?I hope u feel beta wit urself.

Anonymous said...

Lmao! Penpal...u get bad mouth abeg...buh true tho...she. Shld move on!

Anonymous said...

Lmao! My dear Alicia,it works!!!!...if u don't blive it,let others be...

Anonymous said...

Lmao! Penpal...u get bad mouth abeg...buh true tho...she. Shld move on!

Anonymous said...

You mean "Till death do you Part" thank me later

Anonymous said...

Rotfl! Alice wetin Christians do you na?

Anonymous said...

What will pay off in the end jackass.America na do or die? Rubbish.

Anonymous said...

I will advise you to remarry.......same thing happened in my family...20 years later my father is still married to the Oyinbo and my mom is single in her 50's

Anonymous said...

I dont mean be funny but i know someone this same thing happned to. the only difference was she didnt have a child for the man abroad and she lived with his parents/inlaws. she saw hell and the man refused to come back or send for her.
anyways she is happily remarried to someone else today and has a baby for her new husband. i think she had a quiet divorce. i am not asking you to do the same but seek God before making any such decision. all the best.

Anonymous said...

I wish my mum could learn from people's comment here as well. My mum did 22years waiting for my dad and now he is happily married in the states with 2kids with a nigerian. How heartless couldmen be? Now my mum is already used to not loving any man again to the extent that even if they show her love, she doesn't even know it. I pray for her all the time but she is just too strong to realize she needs a man.

Anonymous said...

women suffer to much in the hands of men and this is not just fair.....tears

Anonymous said...

Pls remarry o.wake up from ur foolishness.re u a benin lazy?

Anonymous said...

Your son needs a father figure in hs life and to all who are saying for the sake of her son she should stay. To be honest, if it were for the sake of her son she would leave because the longer she stays, the longer her sn stays without a man/father figure in his life.

I pray God comforts you and reveals to you what you should really do.

Anonymous said...

That's a god one! I like that!

Anonymous said...

file for divorce and move on with ur life, if u r guys r igbos return d brideprice. the man is an idiot.

Anonymous said...

And I perceive ur Igbo.Igbo gurls and abroad based hubby. U guys will do anytin for dem, u don't care what he does for a living,Dish washer, gardner, drug peddlar, When dem say obodo oyibo una Antenna don stand and Money reading radar don on.Una go marry picture una knw knw weda na cripple, Na so dem go keep una here come once in 5yrs 2 give una belle den go back for another 10yrs. And u call dat marriage. Greedy ppl wen will u ever learn... Linda u berra post ma comment

OlᵘwᵃDᵅᵐ!lᵒlᵃ said...

What daaa? Gerrof mhan!

OlᵘwᵃDᵅᵐ!lᵒlᵃ said...

For better for worse ko, mtcheew! Wo ologbeni (for better for worse, for worse to go) beeni! bo shey ma jeni yen.. Move on madam.

OlᵘwᵃDᵅᵐ!lᵒlᵃ said...

What daaa? Gerrof mhan!

Anonymous said...

Dear you have also waited in adultery so why complain now anyway feel you wanna make your bf official and remember you have a son with ur US man but make sure ur bf loves ur son as his own so sit again at the end wat u want is in ur heart

Anonymous said...

For a foreigner in the U.S, life is very difficult. He may have to take on a woman to help him finacially. I am not even sure if that is the answer. But it will legalise one's stay in the country.If u go over there unless one or both of you can find job, u will regret going to the U.s. My suggestion is that if u can find a quality man in NIgeria go for it.

Bunmi said...

Its a difficult one, some men can't be trusted. Trust them to always go for the easier option, in this case American girl! I suggest get people to investigate really and confront him with facts and see if he will deny or want to make amends. Good luck- Not Jonathan.

Fabulous Booty Shake

Anonymous said...

D man is a player!! He is so confused! Him no even sabi wetin him want sef!! Abegi forget d fool dumb ass and move on wif Ūя̲̅ life!! God know say υ̲̣̥
M̶̲̥̅̊ɑ̣̣̝̇̇ don try!! Stephanie Greeny

Hajjo said...

I agree wit u. N pls dis is nt abt being tribalistic o. Its more abt hw d average woman sees herslf in dis modern age of gender equality.igbos easily n more readily stick to culture or wareva. Yoruba women r free-spirited independent n dey jst dnt hv tym for nonsense. Wen oda men r there? Abegi. Dats hw I see his comment, so I agree. Plus I dnt think dis person meant it in a bad way.

Okezie Nwabueze said...

My dear, is he taking care of u and his son? If yes, he still loves u. Wait awhile more. Who knows his complication with the woman over there, his effort to break out for u? The devil u know is better than angel u dnt know. If this man still loves u, you'd know. So, follow ur discretion. It might be that the new man is giving u sweet sex u've missed, bt dnt let it get into ur head.

veeon said...

pls, sorry to inform you he is no longer your husband, only by law... he is fooling you. dont be fooled dear file for divorce and move on

Anonymous said...

My dear ooo no b small thing oo..I bliv God works wonders buh come on u jst dnt sit dr nd xpct him 2 cm dwn frm heaven nd do d wonders...my dear sis go 2 d embassy buh b4 u do tell ur husband..he eida cms bk home or he tls u 2 go on wt d divorce proceedings..he cnt eat his cake nd have it..linda abeg biko post my comment

Anonymous said...

U re a lunatic!! Finish

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