Sunday, November 18, 2007

BBA Banned in Nigeria?

I was going to take a 2 week holiday starting from this weekend, but thanks to OA (wink!) and work at the office, I can't do that any longer.

Oh well, hopefully, I'll find time to do so soon. I'm sorta exhausted!

Anyway, I heard Big brother Africa has been banned in Naija. Banned as in, no more participation and no viewing in Nigeria. What are your thoughts on that?

The Naija Government are sort of peeved at the way Ofuneka was harassed by Richard. Is the Ban the best way to protest?

Meanwhile, here are some Lessons from Nollywood (Nigerian Movies)
1 . Every problem you have is spiritual.
2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo'/joining a cult/sleeping with rich men.
7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.
10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,*Spanner,
*Eran Iya Oshogbo ,
*Ta longbe mu.
11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not-'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is...
*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.
*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
13. An Igbo movie has been made if ...
* You visit a 'Babalawo'
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!!(Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!)
16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses-
* Stella Damascus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic
17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life.
18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks.
19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?
22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-a beautiful house, very good furniture, T.V., nice clothes, but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.
24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police-LOL!!!!
25. At the end of a three hour movie you'll be reminded that THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING...WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!
26. No matter the type of movie...TO GOD BE THE GLORY is always at the end

My blogging this week won't be regular. I'll be extremely busy at work. But I'll find time to touch base here as often as I can.

You take care of yourselves. Kisses!


CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

At least Nigerians are taking some kind of stand...I am glad

Anonymous said...

Linda i really think you are nuts!!! And i luv your "nuttiness" You got the real definition of nollywood. But what can we do now, Abi. About BBA i think the government is taking this thing too far. What's the point. Just let the babe sue BBA & Richie Rich for pete's sake and not get involved.

Anonymous said...

Linda i really think you are nuts!!! And i luv your "nuttiness" You got the real definition of nollywood. But what can we do now, Abi. About BBA i think the government is taking this thing too far. What's the point. Just let the babe sue BBA & Richie Rich for pete's sake and not get involved.

Anonymous said...

Nollywood stuff is funny as hell and so true. first time on your blog. pretty good!!! keep up the good work.

p:s you forgot to mention the rainbow coloured variety of suits (NASTY!!!)

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy the shege was banned.I think our government took the right decision. It's not like the show was adding anything positive to Naija and its people


Ajide Ogo said...

You have just nailed everything about Nigerian movies. Couldn't help but lol!.


dazzle said...

Gosh, Linda u r so funny. Your lessons learned from nollywood is hilarious. U had me in fits of laughter at work. look what u have done, everyone around me thinks i am insane. lol

nice blog, keep it up

Zahratique said...

I'm actually Happy BBA is banned! Especially after nothing was done to Richard after what he did to Ofunneka. It subliminally sends the message that in Africa, that isn't a crime. We all know its wrong but the organisers didnt do anything abt it!

Its just not a good portrayal of our lifestyle. I'm so glad it has been axed.

Nwanyi Ocha said...

lol, oh my lawd -all the reasons I dont watch naija films and then some.

Ayamatanga and Nneka creeped me out. It always has to contain some form of cult or blood money or something - che, lol.

shola pacheco said...

oh well good riddance to bad rubbish wat difference does it make to an average nigerian,as per nollywood them go arrive one day.

Uzo said...

Again, the Nigerian government is being petty and reacvtive. If Ofuneka had won, wouldnt she be the toast of the government, hosted to state dinners and being called a true paragon of women?

I just ask.....If the concern of the government is that Ofuneka was badly treated, then it means that they should should take such tough stances for all organizations that treat Nigerians badly right?

So what about the US, UK, Italian, French etc embassies in Nigeria, that insult and degrade Nigerians on a daily basis?

Sherri said...

newbie in da house!!
luving ur blog.

lol..@nollywood movies

as for bba, i strongly oppose censorship of any kind. if anything needs 2b done it shod be to protest the abuse of their citizen.

omolabake said...

Thanks so much for this comical relief....I needed that badly....

Yoruba movies still makes better sense than most of these English movies.....I've tried to no avail to make my hubby stop watching English movies but he won't......20 mins into it and he start complain at how much the movies sucks.....I have personally given up on them unless someone recommends it....

What is most baffling is how they make Part 1,2 &3 of a movie and then they continue the same movie again with another title....with another Part 1,2,3....

peppersoup said...

I beg to differ on the triviality you put on some very true and important points on here but funny post regardless!