Thursday, November 22, 2007

How can you tell? + Miracles

Let me start by saying happy thanksgiving to everyone who lives in the US, especially YOU!

How can you tell?
She dated him for three years and not once did he lay hands on her, even when she really provoked him. She shouted at him so many times and all he did was smile, apologise and walk away.

He was gentle, sweet and hardly raised his voice. The perfect candidate for a life partner she thought.

Five months after they got married, while she was seven months pregnant, her knight in shining armour beat the living daylight out of her, just because she reprimanded him for keeping his toothbrush carelessly in the bathroom.

After that day, the beating continued.

She never saw it coming!

Now ladies, how can you tell that the man you are dating or about to marry won't turn you into a punching bag after you marry him?

When he's so sweet and swears he's never touched and will never touch a woman, how do you know for sure that he won't be abusive towards you 2/3 years down the line?

Are their signs to look out for?

If you married a guy who was beating you when you were dating him...then I'm not talking to you abeg! I'm talking to women who think they've found that guy who they thought will never raise his hands, only for them for realise later that they thought wrong.

How can you tell without any doubt that he will never hit you?

Miraculous stories of people in coma
If you don't believe in miracles, then read this stories.

Peter Sana
A Hawaii man who spent seven years in a coma regained consciousness in September, 2002. Peter Sana slipped into the coma after contacting meningitis. He spent most of those seven years in a nursing home, unresponsive to all contact. But during the summer of 2002, he began to respond to commands from the nursing staff. Throughout the seven years, Sana's father visited every day. The nursing home staff believes those daily visits played a large part in Sana's eventual recovery.

Ryan Atencio
A 9-year-old boy was taken off life-support systems (only a feeding tube was left in place) after receiving a massive head injury in a December 10, 1988 car accident. "There was no brain function," said Dr. Eustaquio Abay at St. Francis Regional Medical Center in Witchita, Kansas. "Three or four times we'd seen the pulse go down to zero -- no circulation at all to the brain for 30 minutes on end." Yet, on January 19, 1989, Ryan squeezed his mother's hand and opened his eyes. ["Boy who was 'gone' opens his eyes and squeezes mom's hand", Seattle Post-Intelligencer (United Press International Report), 1/26/89, p. A3.]

Mitchell Berman
A 9-year-old, comatose for 5 months due to hemalytic-uremic syndrome, was not expected to survive. On May 31, 1991, Mitchell spoke his first I words since he went into a coma December 31, 1990. "1 want a hot dog," he told his mother. Since then, his progress has been phenomenal, said Dr. Geof McPhee, director of pediatrics at New Medico Rehabilitation and Skilled Nursing Center of the Gulf Coast in Slidell, Louisiana. "If he does have residual deficits, I don't think it's gonna slow this kid down," said Dr. McPhee. ["Boy's complaints welcome after coma," The (FargoMoorhead) Forum (AP Report), 6/9/91, p. A17.]

Yolanda Blake
A 53-year-old New Jersey woman woke from a coma on December 15, 1990, just one day after a judge ruled that the hospital need not follow the request of the woman's friend and her sister that she be given life-support measures, including the insertion of a naso-gastric feeding tube. Yolanda, Who had been diagnosed with colon cancer in 1987, suffered severe blood loss for unknown reasons and collapsed on November 30, 1990 while vacationing. She was taken to Pocono Medical Center in East Stroudsburg, PA. Contending that Yolanda had told them not to use any .. extraordinary measures" to keep her alive, doctors at the medical center did not insert either a feeding tube or a urinary catheter. When her friend, Richard Harley, protested the lack of treatment, the hospital took the case to court. A Monroe County judge ruled in favor of the hospital, saying that Yolanda should be allowed to "die with dignity." When she awoke, Yolanda was asked if she wanted to live. "Of course I do," she replied. She also insisted on "the best possible" care and a transfer to another hospital that would provide it. ["Woman Denied Food Awakes From Coma", Liz Townsend, National Right to Life News, 1/8/91, pp. 1 and 24.]

Mary Kay Blakely
In 1984, Blakely, national essayist and "Ms" magazine editor, lapsed into a 9-day diabetic coma. She then published a book -- Wake Me When It's Over -- about the extraordinary experience that "saved and transformed my life." Blakely described her-comatose body as like a broken transmitter: she could receive, but not send any messages. She experienced sound and touch, but could not respond. The coma altered her view of what's important -- and what's not. She now understands the critical need to slow down, and enjoy some of life's pleasures. ["Author recounts nine-day coma that 'transformed my life", Leslie Walters, Minnesota Women's Press, 7/16-29/ 89, p. 9.] (Note: This item may not appear to belong with this list of cases, but it points out that people in coma may have experiences we can know nothing about because they do not respond to outside stimuli. Furthermore, at least one state (Colorado) has a dangerous "living will" law that allows life-sustaining measures, including tube-feeding and intravenous fluids, to be discontinued from patients who have been in a coma for as short a time as seven days.)

Barbara Blodgett
A 24-year-old Yakima, Washington woman had been in a coma for more than five months before giving birth to a healthy, 8-pound boy by Caesarian section. Barbara was injured in a June 30, 1988 car accident when she was three months pregnant. After the birth, a hospital spokesman said, "Her prognosis for recovery [from brain stem injuries] is very guarded." ["Rare procedure helps comatose woman deliver healthy baby", The Billings (MT) Gazette (AP Report), 12/11/88, p. A4.] Nevertheless, "Barbie" began emerging from the coma on December 10, a day after her son Simon was born. Doctors aren't certain why she regained consciousness, but speculate it may have been hormonal changes after the birth. On February 14, 1989, USA Today reported this message from Barbara Blodgett, spelled out by pointing to letters written on a piece of paper: "Never give up." (See case of Nancy Klein for more details.)

Patti White Bull
After sixteen years spent in a coma [persistent vegetative state] Bull, age 42, awoke on Christmas day, December 25, 1999. The case has been described as "absolutely extraordinary." Bull slipped into a coma during the birth of her youngest child, and for the past ten years had been kept in a Boston-area nursing home and required "total care." Specialists comment that most patients spend only two to four weeks in a true coma. Bull required intensive speech and physical therapy and, contrary to expert opinion, is not severely cognitively impaired. ("Extraordinary awakening,", 1/4/2000)

Christine Busalacchi
A 20-year-old woman, severely brain damaged in an automobile accident nearly four years ago, was diagnosed to be in a persistent vegetative state. Her father wants her feeding tube removed and has been fighting the state of Missouri in court since December 29, 1990 to move her to the state of Minnesota because Minnesota, unlike Missouri, does not require "clear and convincing evidence" of a patient's wishes before tube-feeding can be stopped. Christine's condition has been steadily improving, yet her father claims to see no change and says, "I know my daughter is damn full gone. 100 percent gone." Two doctors who separately examined Christine in early January 1991 disagree. They say she smiled, laughed and said "Hi" to them. ["Woman in right-to-die case 'is better"', Karen Brandon, Kansas City Star, 1/11/91.1 Dr. Harvey Edward Cantor, a Missouri neurologist, on January 6, after spending two and one half hours examining her and reviewing her medical records, submitted an affidavit to the Circuit Court of St. Louis County, saying, in part: "Christine is definitely not in a persistent vegetative state .... She is conscious, she is aware, she is learning to speak and follow verbal requests .... her present skills have shown improvements and one might expect further improvement in the future." In addition, nurses who cared for Christine on a daily basis at the time Dr. Cantor examined her said she makes sounds to indicate which soap opera she wants on her television. A videotape showing Christine with therapists and nurses in her hospital room was filed in St. Louis County Probate Court in February. Dr. John R. Bagby, Jr., the State Health Director, told reporters at a press conference and showing of the videotape after the court session: "You'll see that Christine is alert, looks at and is very much aware of those around her, laughs appropriately at jokes, sounds and even staff making funny faces at her." ["State Makes Public Videotape in Right-to-Die Case", The New York Times National, 2/5/91, P. A16.] Current reports are that Christine is being weaned from the feeding tube, is now taking most of her food by mouth, but still requires the feeding tube for administration of liquids.

Curt Coleman Clark
Doctors were about to remove the organs of a 22-year-old North Carolina man they thought had been killed in a traffic accident when his foot twitched. Curt was pronounced "brain dead" and his family agreed to donate his organs. But, after his foot moved, he was taken to the intensive care unit of Baptist Hospital in WinstonSalem where more signs of life were detected. ("Surprise for doctors - organ donor still alive", Orlando Sentinel, 9/29/90.)

Jacqueline Cole
A 44-year-old Maryland woman lapsed into a coma when a blood vessel burst in her brain. Only a respirator and tubes kept her alive. The doctors diagnosed her as being in a "persistent vegetative state" and said her chance of recovery was perhaps one in a million. Weeks passed and, finally, her family petitioned a court for permission to disconnect her life support. Permission was denied because, the judge later explained, "She was not legally brain dead. I was dealing with a live person." Only 6 days after the judge announced he was withholding his consent, and 6 weeks after she lapsed into the coma, Jackie Cole woke up. On May 15, 1986, a friend came to pay his last respects to Jackie. He took her inert hand and said, "Hello." To his surprise, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. Since then, Jackie has almost totally recovered, except for long-and short-term memory problems. ["Her Family Was Ready to Pull the Plug -- Then Jackie Cole Suddenly Awakened from Her Coma", David Van Biema, People Magazine, 10/86, pp. 43-44.]

Carrie Coons
When this 86-year-old stroke victim, who had been declared to be in an "irreversible" vegetative state, began talking and eating on her own, a New York state judge had to withdraw his permission for removal of her feeding tube. Mrs. Coons baffled her doctors, her lawyers and her 88-year-old sister, who had sought approval for removal of the feeding tube. Mrs. Coons had not shown any signs of alertness for four and one half months. When she awoke, her doctor described her legal case to her and asked what she would wish to be done. She replied, "These are difficult decisions." She later told her court-appointed attorney that she would "like to wait" on any decision about the feeding tube. Her doctor, Michael L. Wolff, a gerontologist, said he was at a loss to explain what had happened other than to wonder about "the existence of miracles or the resilience of the human spirit." ["Right-toDie Order Revoked As Patient in Coma Awakes", Sam Howe Verhovek, The New York Times, 4/13/89, p. B3.]

Tonya Cotton
A Minnesota girl was not expected to survive after she was injured in a car accident when she was 9 years old. She stopped breathing twice and lay in a coma for a month and a half. Her recovery was slow, her shortterm memory was affected, and she had to attend a special education class for the mildly mentally handicapped, but she graduated from high school, in June 1988, with the rest of the seniors, at age 19. ["Coma victim recovers and finishes high school", The (Fargo-Moorhead) Forum (AP Report), 6/5/89, p. A8.]

Paul Cullinan
A 39-year-old Canadian man who was gunned down over a suspected drug deal and left for dead began to speak after being in a coma for 17 months. Doctors gave him little chance of recovery after he was shot once in the forehead at close range on December 5, 1987. ("Shooting victim out of coma", The Toronto Star, 7/28/89, p. A8.]

Brent Doyle
An 18-year-old Colorado man who suffered a severe brain injury in a motorcycle crash regained consciousness after 2-month coma. Doctors maintained that Brent's chances for recovery were poor and his father said, "A lot of doctors had really given up on him." Days after the accident, his brain showed no activity, but his parents never lost faith. Don Doyle talked to his son incessantly and played a tape-recorded pep talk from Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino two or three times a day. Brent's mother credits his recovery to the "talk therapy". ["Man wakes from coma", Kris Newcomer, Rocky Mountain News (Denver), 4/13/89, pp. 1 and 36.]

Brittany Eichelberger
A 3-year-old Pittsburgh girl who was revived after being found "clinically dead" in a snowdrift was well enough to sit up in her hospital bed and fight with her nurses a few days later. ("Toddler found nearly frozen in snowdrift recovering", The (Fargo-Moorhead) Forum, 12/28/90, p. 1A.]

Helen Francoeur
A medical examiner pronounced an 82-year-old Massachusetts woman dead at her home. When funeral. home workers arrived to remove her body, they discovered she was alive. An embarrassed Dr. William J. Dean, Hamden County associate medical examiner, said, "There was no pulse. She was cool and there was no heartbeat that we could hear.... It's the first time this has happened to me in my career as a medical examiner." ["Holyoke woman revives after being declared dead", Joe Heaney, The Boston Herald, 4/14/89, p.

Don Hamilton
A 32-year-old Minnesota man accidentally shot himself in the thigh, severing an artery, while deer hunting. Doctors at St. Joseph's Hospital in Park Rapids, MN reported that Don had lost almost all his blood by the time he arrived at the hospital. They recorded no pulse, no blood pressure. They gave him blood in massive transfusions, attempted to mend the wound and ordered a helicopter to take him to North Memorial Medical Center in Robbinsdale, MN. Doctors there said that all appearances pointed to brain death. His lungs filled with fluid and tubes were inserted to drain them. A tracheotomy tube and respirator were necessary. His kidneys failed, requiring renal dialysis. And still he slept. Don lay in a coma for 5 weeks, and then, responding to voices of nurses and his parents, he awoke. He recognized his family members, talked intelligently and smiled. Then he cried. "I have never, ever seen a person come back and live from that deep," said Dr. Bruce Norback, a neurologist. "I've thought a long time about how he could have survived it all," said Dr. Norback. "He received excellent care at the Park Rapids hospital and some marvelous nursing care here. At every stage where something had to be done to save him, it was done aggressively .... I really don't know for certain how he came back. I don't think any of us does." Dr. George Nemanich, Don's surgeon, said, " we are less than two months after he looked brain dead and gone, and he may be able to retain 80 to 90 percent use of his leg. He'll walk. He may be able to leave the hospital in five or six weeks." On December 14, 1987, Don regained consciousness, and at Christmas he celebrated with his family. ["All the mysteries of life and death aren't covered in medical books", Jim Klobuchar, (Minneapolis) Star Tribune, 12/26/87, p. 1A.] Postscript: "With a limp barely detectable, Don Hamilton walked into a Wayzata photo studio this weekend with the woman he will marry in June." ["He was well inside death's door before returning to a new life", Jim Klobuchar, Star Tribune, 2/26/89, p. 1A.]

Conley Holbrook
A 26-year-old man, comatose since he was beaten eight years ago (11/27/82), regained consciousness and gave authorities the names of his alleged attackers. The recovery occurred while Conley was being treated for pneumonia at Lexington Memorial Hospital in High Point, North Carolina. "I was astonished," his mother said. "I never gave up on him. This is just a miracle. It's good to have him home talking." ("Beaten man beats coma, fingers pair of suspects", Press-Telegram (AP Report), 3/6/91.)

Yung Hsu
A 47-year-old California woman was struck by a truck June 2, 1988, suffered massive head and chest injuries and was in a coma for 2 months before she woke up and spoke her husband's name to her doctor. ["Woman emerges from 2-month coma", The Plain Dealer, 8/14/88.]

Fernando Ibarra
A professional boxer, Ibarra awoke two months after a knockout punch caused him to undergo brain surgery in January, 1999. Doctors had predicted that Ibarra might never regain consciousness, and that if he did, his mental abilities would be severely curtailed. However, after his awakening, Ibarra could pedal a stationery bike, walk up and down stairs, talk and write thank you cards and pay visits to Spanish- speaking students. Ibarra had a complete memory of the fight and the accident that caused his brain injury. ["Boxer will continue recovery with Family," St. Louis Post Dispatch, 3/25/99]

Jennifer Keough
A 15-year-old Florida girl's parent were asked to donate her organs after a car accident. Two days later, Jennifer scratched out a message: "I want to talk to my mom." After the car crash, police said she was dead. Jennifer's eyes were fixed and dilated when she was brought to the emergency room at Memorial Hospital in Hollywood, Florida, said Dr. Francisco Pons. When he learned of her progress, he said, "That's a miracle." ["Parents asked to donate girl's organs, but she'll be needing them after all", The Modesto (CA) Bee (AP Report), 10/19/89, p. A4.]

I have a lot of gists for you all. Will find time to deliver it. See you soon.


Sha said...

OMG.. the first story is so sad.. damn mehn sha.. unpredictable! who would have thot that kinda man could turn into a wife beater. Very sad!

Nice blog tho..

Peppersoup said...

People make mistakes, that's what we need to understand. If he has no violence in his history and he does it for whatever reason, I don't think you should just consider him a wife-beater. Maybe at that point what the woman should be looking into is the cause of the sudden aggression. I mean, he's your husband. His problems are your problems, work through it together.

shola pacheco said...

hey linda true talk,its hard to tell,its better to know a guy at his worst at least u can tell what he is capable off than for surprises to spring up fron nowhere,its baffling these days with the divorce rate ,wife battering and stuff we can only pray we dont fall into wrong hands.

miracles still happen if only u believe

nyways hows FM&B sales doing,hope great

have a supercolour fregelistic especialidocious weekend (according to mary poppins)

Ms. emmotions said...

hullo linda,

this is my kind of topic alot. you see,there really are not much signs to look out for in a man thats physically abusive. a man that "hits" or has the tendencies to hit has just one give away, when this kind of man is pissed or is provoked by his partner or any woman at all, there is always a visible restraint, an agressive control of temper that keeps him from going physical. he always tends to raise his hands from his sides even if little or might hit at something and then he realises and then walks away from u at that point in time. his fist at this time will be clenched, his muscles pulled tight. he stays alone for sometime and then regains his veiled control and comes back to beg or something.

he walks away not just for walking away sakes, he walks away cos he knows he would hit u at that point.
a voilent man or relationship shouldn't be encouraged. i tell people that for flexibity sakes, if ur man hits u ones, forgive him if he is truely remorseful, but if he dose that again,,,then u might consider walking away cos u really ve to make the decision urself.
soon i will gather enof material & do an extensive teaching on my blog on this very topic, its quite sensitive.

be guided accordinly dear.

Anonymous said...

I'm seriously trying to get the hang of this blog! I want to be a part of every gist, you get. And I do believe in miracles... yeah baby and I am one myself. Love what you are doing and hmmmmmmm... you've got it... going on tight.

Anonymous said...

I'm seriously trying to get the hang of this blog! I want to be a part of every gist, you get. And I do believe in miracles... yeah baby and I am one myself. Love what you are doing and hmmmmmmm... you've got it... going on tight.

Anonymous said...

And you never can tell about who turns out to be a wife beater, cos really these things just happen mostly out of bottled up emotions that cannot be held down anymore. Whereas, some dudes can handle the situation better than others but hey, even some batterers can't explain what overcame them!
It's just like we tend to shock ourselves atimes with some decision we take... So,there's no way we'd ever know who turns better or bitter.
Love you girl

Ladybrille said...

@ the miracles: Then they say there is no God, especially intellectuals but once push comes to shove,they cry God. This is a testimony of how awesome God is and that man can say it's over but it ain't over till God says so. Outstanding miracles!
@ the topic of abuse when he was so nice to you for 3years: If there were no signs, I don't think you agonize over not knowing. I think you do what a Naija close friend of mine did. Her husband in thier initial onset of marriage tried hitting her. She fought him physically like her life depended on it. After that day, they both realized the fighting/beating thing did not work for them and he has never hit her. The alternative but similar is the Tyler Perry recommendations in his comedies. If you are in the West, especially, tell him you will call the police. If he stops. Then lock the door and beat the crap out of him too. Duke it out. He will never touch you. If he does not stop then pack your things and run for your life.

For me, it is very personal. I am incensed with abuse that I witnessed in Naija. Like beyond incensed I have rage over that ish. People beating wives till the point of death? Even here in the States. Some of these make headlines and come from the Naija community. Like one who beat his wife, stabbed her in front of the kids and tied her body to the bumper of the car driving all over town till the police caught him. That was so personal for me since I know the kids. He is serving a life sentence.

I know that in Yankee if a man hit me once, no shaking, he will be locked up b/c I will not rest until he is incarcerated for however long that takes. If in naija, I will fight back and if that means making sure I hire areaboys to beat his ass for touching me, then that's what I'll do. Yes o! Think of the Nollywood films and how rich Naija families dey send people to beat up men who beat their daughters. Na so I go do am o. A dick b/t your legs does not give you the right to hit me.Lai lai! The topic always gets me riled up.

BTW, some women take advantage of respectful men and atimes hit them. Not okay!

Anonymous said...

This has really made me think. It's made me want to write up a legal document that insists on continuous life support for me if anything ever happens to me. My only worry is the toll it might take on my family. Gosh 16years is a long ime to be in a coma. What strikes me in some of the cases is the onstant unrelenting support of the loved ones.

This reminds me to continue to pray for London Buki (a blogger) whose mum has been in a coma for a few years. LB's continuous love and care for her mum coupled with God's healing hand will see her mum wake up when God says the time is right. London Buki see why you must never give up. It is well with you in Jesus' name. Amen

Anonymous said...

Your work load must have changed; good, taking a couple of days off will be like someone without a caffeine fix from coffee for this loyal reader of your blog.


truth said...

LB's mum definitely comes to mind. She remains in my prayers. Nice post.
Sad if a man turns out to be a woman beater. I've heard of several cases. God help us, afterall noone still knows 2moro, we can only pray that we see the signs prior to and have enough strength to walk away.
A woman beater is a total no-no for me! Nothing can change my opinion of them.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

@peppersoup: i do not agree that a violent man's problems are mine. God forbid, but if a man hits me, you best believe I am about to make the 9 0'clock news for murder.
Violent men always give themselves away. No matter what. Maybe they walk away. maybe, it's not even you they are agressive towards...any small thing and they are ready for a fight but because they are not directly attacking you, you think it will not happen.

Coma: God, please take me when it is my time to go and give my organs to someone who needs it.

de'tente said...

wife beating aint right no matter how one looks at it.i for one shan't take it lying low.A man should pick on someone his own size and of the same sex.But this pales beside girlfriend beating.that one's so sick its alost laughable.A classmate's live in lover used to batter her till i literarlly saved her.i got her to move in with me.Can you believe he started stalking her?saw him a about a year ago at the airport and he approached me and tried to threaten me(that i made her leave him).
well i think i did a good job of telling im not a lawyer for nothing!

Anonymous said...

i think that wifebeater is some insecure dude....the worst type.