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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Pressure To Marry

I don't know how many of you single girls are under pressure to get married...but I am.

Pressure from family, friends and 'people' who just can't mind their own business.

The pressure is so intense right now, I feel like going to a 'husband market' (if there's any such thing) to buy myself a husband, just so I can have some breathing space. lol

Give me a break you people. I just turned 27 and people are already wondering why I'm not pregnant with my second child.

I turned down a marriage proposal two days ago, and one of the man's relation said "You think you're young enough to turn down marriage? Think you still have that much time? Sorry for you!". I wanted to, but I didn't slap her lol!

Why the hell should I consider marrying someone I can't even imagine tolerating for long. I don't even know this guy. Saw me in a newspaper and asked his sister to meet with me...I've not even gone on a freaking date with him. I look at him and I feel nothing for him. And the sister looks at me like they are doing me a favor and I should be grateful.

At 27, I'm too old to turn down someone I can't even imagine sleeping with? Lord have mercy!

Today, I was discussing the issue with another female and she said at 27, I have only two more years to go before it becomes 'late marriage and childbirth'.

According to her doctor, the best time for a woman to have her first kid is between 22-29. After that, she might have complications. Her views got me thinking "What an idiot!" lol!

I have been hearing so much about marriage in the last two weeks that if I hear it one more time, I'll go crazy.

Please don't get me wrong. I want to get married someday, who doesn't? But am I ready now? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year? I don't know.

I know I have been saying I wanna get married, blah blah, but when I really think about it, I was looking forward more to a wedding than a marriage...and there's a big difference between the two.

Am I ready to be dictated to? Ready to cook everyday I get back from work for my husband? To take care of him the way a wife is expected to care for her husband? Ready to have sex with him anytime he's in the mood? (Ok, yes I'm ready for that...lol), ready to deal with in-laws? Ready to care for a home? Ready to be a mother? Ready to put someone else into consideration before making decisions? Ready to carry all the baggage that come with marriage?

Maybe! If I find the right guy!

There's just so much marriage gives you and some things it takes away from you. If you have dreams, depending on the man, he could stifle your dreams! In essence, you have to look before you leap. When you're under pressure, you don't look, you just leap. And that same pressure keeps you in it even when you want to pack your bags and walk away.

The society tells you a woman isn't complete without being married and that same society tells you to ignore your husband's 'bad habits' because according to it, 'it's a man's world'. As long as he comes home to you...?

People marry for different reasons nowadays, and one reason I know is rampant is the need for some women to join 'the club'. And do you blame them? The society pressured them into it.

Why won't you be pressured into it when your mother wants a grandchild? When your father wants a son-in-law? When your younger sister is married? When all your classmates are married? When people keep asking you why you're not married? When the likes of Frank Edoho tell married women not to befriend anyone who isn't married? Like being single is a curse.

Why won't you start getting desperate? Even at 25, 26. And at 29, you become so desperate you start dating Tom, Dick and Harry, hoping one of them will pop the question, so the society will applaud you.

I am very ambitious. I have dreams. I want my magazine to be a force to be reckoned with one day on this continent. I'm working on a TV programme and working on starting a fashion, modeling and beauty school. So much I wanna do. I haven't even started. And yes, at one point I want a man to walk with me, someone to go home to but I have to be careful who I choose as a life partner 'cos not all men can tolerate ambitious women. They act like they are okay with it initially, but a few years down the line, they start giving ultimatums.

Marriage is beautiful I know, I'm even looking forward to it, but I also won't be made to think I'm not much of a woman because I don't have a ring on my finger. And I won't be made to believe my life is incomplete because I'm not answering a man's name.

When the time is right and I feel I've found the right person, then I will get married.

Until then, there's nothing 'the society' can do abourrit!!!!

If you want to make it your business, then you're welcome to keep counting the years for that single girl you know. All I know is that it's not how long you've been married, it's how well you married!

Seriously, there are lots of women under pressure to marry. Especially from this part of the world. What advise do you have for them?

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

No rush ladies, u rush in u rush out.

Anonymous said...

My sister at least they even tried for u, am just 20 and my mother already wants to know if i have someone, i sha told her to gerrout cos she aint well.
its not how fast but how well. i hear of so many marriages breaking up in Nigeria now like in the western countries so being married is not a guarantee that u will stay married for long.
Look b4 u leap oh, u know nija is not like abroad,here if a woman divorcs she gets d house and nobody looks down at her oh. In nija u get thrown out lol and with nothing to hold on to and no one else wants to date u cos u are damaged goods.
LINDA ABEG NO MIND ANYBODY, UR OWN WILL COME ONE DAY.

judith.
p.s if i fail its becos of u, i am constantly reading ur blog instead of studying.

shola pacheco said...

hey linda,i feel you on this issue,even though marriage is every womans dream,u have to be ready and with big dreams like u have u need a confident man by your side,one that will not feel threatened at ur success,and its left to u not to allow ppls pressure get to u,how many miserable mrs do we have out there,who were so desperate to join the club,at least we have recently read about a woman who has become a punching bag,and in this day and age nobody match makes anyone when it comes to marriage,for one linda a friend is best suited for a husband cos a time always comes when it gets boring,ur friendship and a good sense of humour will keep u going,just take it easy babes the right guy who will fit into ur destiny and help u achieve ur dreams and goals,will soon come ur way. thot u were going on holiday linda abeg enjoy ur being single on the way to being a MRS

Anonymous said...

According to her doctor, the best time for a woman to have her first kid is between 22-29. After that, she might have complications. Her views got me thinking "What an idiot!" lol!

the lady and her doctor are quite right. so u might wanna rethink the use of the word 'idiot'

IntellectualDiva said...

This is one of the few reasons I'm glad I don't live in Nigeria. The mentality is effing backward! lol

Anyway, blanket advice: Be yourself, believe in yourself and stay that way. Like that, having a man would not be an issue or make you feel like you are getting lost in somebody else. Furthermore, all the nonsense pressure would not even make you jump into the hands of a man you're not ready to be with because you understand the whole enchilada. And eventually when you decide to be married, you will stay married because you believe in yourself and what makes you and everything around you the way they are. That's faith on another level. It makes you cross leaps and boundaries others cannot, especially in the whole marriage idea. Even the Bible says anything that is not done in faith is a sin so yeah, believe in what is important and you'll be fine. That's what I believe at least!

'married woman' said...

My advice to single ladies is that they should not rush into this marriage thing o.
Im talking from experience. I was pressurized into getting married at 28 and i'm now paying for it. All those ppl that pressured me are not suffering with me now. Infact d marriage is a nightmare and i'm looking for all ways to get out of it.
Please please and please choose carefully ladies.

SET said...

I totaly understand where you are coming from. I am not pressure and thank God my parents are not pressuring me either. God is my provider I am waititng on my God.

Anonymous said...

Its imperative to develop thick skin when it comes to pressure to get married, i had to. Though do have it in mind that family members do mean well but it must be irritating.

However, its also crucial that you don't abandon your love life for a career (or vice versa). Be open minded, if you meet someone fine,embrace them. A decent partner encourages you to develop and pursue your dreams not abandon them.

Delaying things wether relationship for career or career for relationship is just ridiculous. Life will pass you by and you'll end up miserable.

I'm a professional and entrepreneur and i gained many of my achievements after i met my husdand, we've been together for six years. I had my child this year at the age of 29 and i'm still soldiering on with my company. I can't have it all but i can organise and juggle all LOL!

Chioma.

Anonymous said...

Lets see.....Linda, lemme break down my own life so u know that i feeelll u gal and am behind u 100%. Some mite think mine is a bit extreme but hey???

- Am currently an associate project manager along this line i discovered my speciality to be a business analyst

- I was offered that position yesterday.God is kind.Always.With a higher renuretion ofcourse plus i start my MBA as the org is also an affiliate's of Business school of nederlands.By the way, its a management position. Yipppeeee!!!

-I am an associate of institute of chatered economists of nigeria, A student Chatered institute of administration, student International institute of business analysts, currently writin exams on institutional and organisational analysis(Inter american develoment bank).

- I am going to do my Ph. D after my masters

- I run my business consultancy outfit on the side

-Have been heartbroken 4times cos i was tryna be someoneelse and marry cos society says so, cos all my mother's friends daughters are married, cos most of my friends are married, blah!blah!blah.........

Should i continue.................
I am 29years old, i believe in values,integrity. I will wait for my Mr. Right and he will love me jus the way i am

U go GAL!!!

A.G......

Confessions of a moody crab said...

I feel you on the'not all men can tolerate ambitious women'

My dad once said...of all the men in this world, only 5% are willing to take a step back and allow their wives to shine. That number is even lower in Africa and Nigeria most especially!

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,this is my first post. I stumbled on your blog by accident really,a link from Funmi Iyanda's blog.On an article you wrote about The BBA2 'sex scandal'.I commend your creativity and humour.I have spent the last two nights reading your posts.Kudos to you,don't take offense,but I don't know who you are and what you look like.You sound popular (smile and thumbs up)

Now,to business. So many women are crucifed everyday for being single.Having hit the big 30's league recently,everyone views you as a leper if you are still single. The question is always when are you getting married?! No one is asking WHO do you intend to marry, Nope, that question is just beneath them as long as you have a man with a penis/dick/phallus.
I must confess my folks aint that bad. They have always known me to be fiercely independent and ambitious,and respect that. But the pressure from society,friends,colleaugues and asssciotes is highly nasuaeting.

Does a woman propose to herself,walk down the aisle herself?.It's these sort of constant pressures that make women become desperate and settle for anything that breathes and calls itself/himself a man.
What if you have a different orientation and feel comfortable in a relationship that does not prescribe marraige as the ONLY way to a happy life (just yet) In these parts you will be stoned and accused of fornication and adultery.

My opinion is to do whatever makes you happy. By the time one settles with one wolf in sheep clothing who turns out to be a sleaze ball.These so called advocates of the marriage institution will be the first to cry how you made such a wrong choice. Don't get me wrong,I respect marriage and everything that comes with it, but must we lose sleep over it?
I hope my long ramblings made a little bit of sense.

Kiibaati said...

I think men actually face more family pressures to "settle down" . Most women are wired to get hitched as soon as possible.

Anonymous said...

A G u re on ur own oGod help ui mean its not bad to want to moe up in life and all but com on take it easy on ur self God help ui wish u well.Linda let no man rush u into what is not i m married to the most wonderful man madei wish nobody less i got married at 27 by which time we d been to gether for 7 yrs it s howeer not the rule.my sister s 25 and presently not in any relationship but i panick not i know God will bring my kind of man her waymarriage with the wrong man/woman is a disaste puttting it mildly prayerfully wait on God for the right man and moe on with lifedont put ur life on hold 4 him but then dont be too engrossed and allow him to pass u by mean while kathy has forgien her hubbythey e moed on u guys should let them be and stop taunting them

Anonymous said...

Everyday, I thank God for my parents who don't pressure to get married and give them grandchildren.Infact, my dad event thinks i'm too good for any man.

My advice to single men under pressure to get married: Dont do it if you don't feel ready or havent found someone's who will love you, respect you and encourage you to pursue the dreams God has placed in you heart. DONT DO IT!!

SassyCassie

Anonymous said...

rubbish utter rubbish thank goodness Naija is a distant memory! i have friends at 35 who are single and dating happily! I have a friend who married at 34 and is so happily married after being patient
the time is right
i also know people who rushed into marriage due to pressure so my dear pls ignore them when the time is right

Nwanyi Ocha said...

Lawd, so much pressure.

My dad told me on my 21st birthday "you don't have too rush into marriage, take your time, achieve your goals, we are always here for you. - gotta love him."

One of the few Nigerian men who recognize.

abie said...

I av plans and ambitions and am not ready 2 settle 4 a man that is nt compatible wit me just bcos I want 2 b MRS. Its not about gettin married, its gettin married to the right man. My dear, it could be irritatin, this pressure, but pls dont settle for just anybody. Make sure u get the right person. @ Linda, just got to know about this blog and I just luv it. Wld really like 2 meet u, is dat possible?

Anonymous said...

Linda

I am Vitastraka Lord of disappoointment, Prince of the rejected and heartbroken.

I want my wife to be my wife, I am not marrying to have another man in the house

If a woman cannot or will not do what I have been brought up to expect a marrriage partner to do, then no marriage. Period

I suspect that to varying degrees for Nigerian men (and African men for that matter) this is very true.

Every man grows up with certain expectations and needs ingrained. If these are not met in a spouse, that man will remain basically unhappy.

Given your cosmopolitan outlook, perhaps you should consider marrying a European. Someone whose cultural leanings will match your natural tastes

Lord Vitastraka

Icy said...

Okay please tell me you are a virgo. Cuz your thinking pattern is starting to freak me the hell out oh my gwad. lol! Get out of my head Linda. wut???? lol~

Marriage from what I understand is many many oh! So many things. And these days a lot of ppl are into the WEDDING not the MARRIAGE. Recipe for a divorce in 1.5years. it never fails.

The divorce rate statistics are ridiculous I know 4 gurls one 28 the rest 29 already divorced. Am like wuts the damn point really.!

Women these days are ambitious, super ambitious and like you said a lot of men can not deal. But there has to be a balance you can work all day and build all night but eventually you tire of it, so finding the right partner requires patience, prayers and looking fabulous lol!

Do what you gotta do, build your empire Linda, but like my mum tells me while you're at it don't close the door and leave the window slightly open. ;) STAY RAWKING MAMASITA..

Anonymous said...

SHould you rush into marriage just to be married? NO. Does society look down on you/ feel srry for u if u r not married at a certain age? Yes. There is no right or wrong way, u just have to do what's right 4 u personally.

Meanwhile what ur friend said is true, i hrd abt it recently on 'a modern girl's guide to life' they show it every day on style tv (dstv) and i recommend all girls to watch it.

Anonymous said...

linda,

i feel u on this but the truth of the matter is that for a fact u are old enof for marriage but the truth is that it aint late.

sincerely, people confuse career with achievement and fuilfilment. do u feel me on this? at ur age u really should sit down and watch the guys that come around u carefully, u cant find it all in a man,u gotta learn how to compromise on somethings u know. who says those that have sucessful careers cant have sucessful marriages as well, look all those talks about u not being ready to take orders or answer to a man is rubbish.

u are an african woman and should think like one, as u grow older, no matter how successful u are, ones u dont have a man to call ur husband , the society looks down on u.

go ask those so called single big lagos girls out there, they sure feel terrible about it but will come out telling u other wise as a means of consoling themselves.

am 24 will be 25 next year and u know wat, am already praying and looking around me carefully for one, oh ! u think i dont ve ambitions and dreams or i ve not achieved anything? look, i ve got my B.SC Economic, member of ICAN, run a blog as well, work in a bank, tryin to write a book am publishing in the nearest future and yet i crave a man's company, to me more precise, i crave marriage.

peoples marriages fail fine, but most marriages dont. all u ladies in the house, do u know that a woman or man whose marriage fails is actually a failure? as in a failure like when u fail in ur career? so get a grip girl, put ur head down and look to find a man that is deserving of ur love and not mr perfect girl for their really is no such thing. i tell people this... this life is too short hence carab happiness in which ever way u can.

ciao

Anonymous said...

I feel you. My parents were cool about the marriage thing especially my mum, She has always encouraged me to go for my dreams and not get married to any ol thing just in name of being called MRS...., however my older cousins(most are divorced by the way)have hounded me with questions like you are not getting younger, why dont you like this particular man bla bla bla.I actually asked one the benefit of being MRS at 23 and divorcing at 30 cause you rushed in? To be honest, our society repects the Mrs Title even if you get beaten or maltreated as a Mrs. Hold your head up and dont let anyone push you into anything you dont want to do. Pursue your dreams.Too many women abandon their dreams and make finding MR a dream because mummy or daddy or aunty is pressurizing them

Anandu said...

right on girl!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't agree with you more. Thoughts like these will help in curbing the ridiculously high divorce rate.

Free to be me... said...

ok, bite me but i think marriage is so overrated...especially in nigeria. I personally don't care abt getting married and yes i'm a nigerian!!! i don't see why i wuld wana get married to some man that will someday become an aristo father in the future...pls, men r jus so full of it...especially nigerian men...

oh and Linda...pls take ur time...do wot u hve to do...make all that money...do u...find happiness within u and not a man or some wedding or marriage...goodluck!!!

BOBBY said...

I got married at 21, all my friends called me LUCKY and while i do consider myself LUCKy cause the man is simply out of this world, lets me be me and doesnt have a problem with me doing what th ehell i want, I just simply didnt understand what the FUSS was about.

I have two friends that got married last year and are filing for Divorces already (it hasnt been a year yet)

Linda, the right man will come...when you meet him, you will know its him...

My mother married my pops when she was 30, and she was still able to have my brother and I, so please all that, after 30 you cant have you no babies, is a phucking lie.

My Aunt had a baby last two weeks and she is 46.

Abegi jare...take your time and find the right man...and then have your family.

If you are going to do something, do it well. And i trust you for that. And doing it well means no rushing.

God knows i didnt rush. Before he proposed, marriage didnt cross my mind ONCE...and when he did, i was like, i cant phucking live without this guy man...why not!

BOBBY said...

Oh and to AG...all that statistics you put up there is for what exactly? I am not sure i get your point?

BOBBY said...

And i hear a lot of poeple saying, I am not marrying, or I am too ambitious to find a husband?

I am begining to wonder...do we feel that being ambitious, takes us off the radar for a possible wife?

Is it not possible to be an ambitious mother and wife?

Trust me there are many Naija men out there that will not mind a Powerful and Ambitious Wife...

Abegiii!

Being ambitious is not a set back ooo! cause its begining to sound like folks think that its a setback!

Linda please have a talk show session and invite us all to argue this thing out. hehehehe.

YankeeNaija said...

Don't fall under the pressure! Don't do it. Stick to your guns and get married when YOU want to get married. Don't let anyone tell you you're over the hill, no man will want you, you'll have complications while trying to have children. Don't buy any of that palava. Trust, I know from experience. I rushed because I was told it was time and it's ruined my life, or at least almost. I married the most evil man in the world. The true personification of evil, all to please others. Don't do it. Just pray and God will show you who belongs to you.

Anonymous said...

lol at whoever is dating happily at 35 that one na your own cup of tea. me i want to have kids oh, and sorry having ur first kid at 35is just plain stupid ... female fertility doesnt last forever and ever. if you want to have kids, dont think you will be able to have them forever. do you know whose egss j.lo and co bought to have kids, do you know the risks of a dangerous pregnancy and downs syndrome. im not saying u must have kids early by force, but life is compromise and sacrifice lol.

hmm
i dont know why u have to be self made to get married, what about doing things together, and it is wrong for ppl to think your man wont or s houldnt support u, what kind of men are u marrying lol. the same man that wont support u is the same man that wont marry u because of your achievments

not saying u should rush into marriage, but u have to open eye well well for the thing that you want early on.

Kpakpando said...

Your auto response should be "God's time is the best!" Because it truly is.
Marriage and goals are however not mutually exclusive, if you marry the right man for you he might be the one to help you achieve all of your goals, just as if you marry the wrong man after all your accomplishments he can also destroy you.
Goodluck o, I more than feel you on pressure.

de'tente said...

im a lawyer,on my second masters degree,run a consulting firm and a business.I have very high hopes and aspirations.i am under 30.
Right now i am under intense pressure to get married.i cant seem to blink without someone telling me something relating to marriage.my aunts and uncles have been match making for ages.
Dont get me wrong,im not complaining.I do want to get married,but just wont be pressurised into same.
I dont share the school of thought that looks only at the disadvantages of marriage though.I quite believe marriage is a good thing,as a matter of fact i look upon the institution as yet another stage of life with various challenges.However,i refuse to yield to pressure and get married for the wrong reasons.I also do not believe there is an age restriction on marriage.(i met a lady who is in her 40's and has never been married.She got married a few months ago, to a single man.both have kids though)
Ladies, I think its important to keep it real.
-Recognise that marriage is important,marry for the right reasons and work towards making it work.

Unbiased said...

Advice you ask linda?
Dont rush. I know friends who thought they were on the right path and ended up in brutal punching bag relationships. Imagine being divorced at 29? I would rather be single because the same society that pushed marriage on you will call you second hand.
Imagine marrying an impotent man because you didnt take the time to know him well. The is only so much you can hide for a time. So my advice is WATCH AND TAKE YOUR TIME!!! And dont forget like in all things PRAY.

Anonymous said...

Ini I must say you are a great actress.
Just follow your dreams and the right man will show in good time.

Smith Bam said...

Linda, You are great at what you do.
Please keep it up. Its good to find skillful people in a country where idleness and irresponsibility are almost national pastimes espesially among the youths.
Work on your dreams and dont be forced into marriage

Anonymous said...

you rock girl.
marriage may be a key to divorce.
Only go in when you are ready
No one will keep your home for you.
They will only advice you to rush in............
www.smithbam.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

nwanne,

I believe majority of the people here have spoken my mind but i will still say something. 'Be at peace' The will of the Lord will not take you where the grace of the Lord cannot keep you. There's nothing to rush for. Don't mind all these people; when the wahala comes, they will all be in their own homes watching Celebrity Take 2 or whatever!!!
I've been down that line, abused and battered and some idiot had the guts to tell me to remain there.I walked o jare!!! I'm just blest to have met someone who loves me as i am, loves my children dearly and encourages me to be the best that i can be. if it can happen to me, then why worry? Chineke adighi ehi ura. Wait on Lord but get on with your life; do not compromise your heart, why would God give you a good job, career, life etc and a bad husband??? He that has promised is faithful and He doesn't delight in wickedness. Open your heart to Him and Him alone... but also give room for the people that come your way. You will be at peace with the right one and he WILL come, promise

Anonymous said...

First and foremost Linda, knowing your opinionated self via this blog, no one can put pressure on you to get married, lets keep it real, let me know if anyone is doing that to you so we can get them arrested (lol). I agree that you may feel hurried because of talk, insinuations and opinion of people around you, but by all means no one's put a gun to your head or subjected you to any form of duress.

Our world is rapidly changing and so is our lifestyle, beliefs and opinions, modern folks would appreciate the fact that marriage is no longer a sine qua non for women to be respected and wholly accepted into society as worthy contributors. What we lack in our Africa is appreciation and education. I personally appreciate people for who they are and what right choices they have or may have made in their lives. You fancy getting married at 89? Good for you, it don't rub a skin off my nose, if anything at all you become a good role model for others. A lot of africans are polluted by the biggest insult to our development called "tradition", hang on, before you puff off, I am not against tradition per se, but what i do fuss over is those people who think they have the God given right to hold doggedly to certain beliefs and events which are completely irrelevant in our own todays existence, for crying out loud, some of these held traditions and beliefs are over 200 plus years old, and as such should be subject to modern day adaptation and interpretation. But no, the deep rooted ones will say "no way! we have been doing this blah blah blah since before ya mother was born we cannot abandon it now" Wake up guys Jesus came to save the world by changing beliefs. Open your minds, seek the truth and you will be free indeed. Do what you have to do to make paradise, that's the key, love, live and love more.

Pete

Anonymous said...

In everything, always know that your own family especially your parents wish you well. Make and put marriage the central in ur affairs. Its good to get marriage and climb the ladder together with ur man, than to be made b4 marrying

Meadows j. said...

OK LINDA, TO HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD; AT 27 U SHOULD DEFINITELY START THINKING OF SETTLING DOWN COS ITS UR PRIME AGE TO HAVE ANYONE U DESIRE AS HUSBAND. ONCE YOU BECOME 30 IT BECOMES HARDER TO FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE HOWEVER AT 35 A WOMAN BECOMES SUSCEPTIBLE TO SOME PREGNANY COMPLICATIONS AND IN THE WORST CASE SCENARIO,NO PREGNANCY.

MY ADVICE: PUT IT TO GOD IN PRAYER, BE HONEST AND TELL HIM YOU ARE READY TO SETTLE DOWN.

DO NOT GET URSELF INVOLVED WITH ANY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP THE WONT LEAD TO MARRIAGE, BELEIVE U'LL KNOW WHEN U SEE ONE.

BECOME SELFISH COS ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. I AM PERSONALLY PRAYING FOR U TO SETTLE DOWN TO THE RIGHT GUY SOON, IT WONT STOP U FROM SHINNING COS HE'LL BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU ALL THE WAY.

REMEMBER JANE WONT LIE TO U NO MATTER WHAT SO DONT LISTEN TO ANYONE TELLING U THAT U HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AND DONT LISTEN TO ANYONE ASKING U TO RUSH INTO IT.

LOVE U LOADS

CALL U SOON I HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY WITH SCHOOL WORK.

Anonymous said...

To Bobby:
The statistics are to say these are my achivements. I have recieved a lot of not so encouragin views about my ambition/vision if u like. With all that, i do not believe its a deterrant to marriage neither does it support opinions like, '[one's drive for ambition(women that is) is why the men have not come calling. Or thats y women have not yet settled down or cant settle down

To Anonymous:

I make no apologies.I am who iam. I am living my life like its golden.If i had 101 acivements it wouldnt stop love and marriage from happening.By the way someone's proposed.
A.G......

Gbemi's Piece said...

My advice for them is to find love first. Don't ever let yourself get desperate thinking years are passing by - that would be a tragedy. Instead, have fun, put yourself out there and build a solid relationship before you start talking marriage. I would rather be single, in love and happy than unhappily married. People need to BACK OFF and let others be.

Orikinla Osinachi. said...

My Darling,
I think being away from Lagos is giving many pretenders ideas to harass you.

Any man who cannot help you to fulfill your dreams globally is not worth your company, talkless of your matrimony.

You should put on a ring to show them that you may be single, but not available.

If you give up your dreams as you stated, I will never be seen in your company again.

We have a lot to do for Nigeria.
Imagine that South Africa is miles ahead of Nigeria in the print and electronic media?

It is a disgrace that Nigeria can only boast of only one fashion and style magazine, FM&B.

Cosmpolitan sells over 1 million copies monthly and Vogue sells more.

The style magazines in New York alone are over 500.

I have two magazines in the pipeline.
When I come to Lagos, we can separate the sheep from the goats sniffing at your behind.

Don't ever make the mistake of falling into the hands of the Nigerian men who kill the dreams of women once they marry them.

See what happened to all the Nigerian beauties who married Nigerian men?

Where are they now?
What happened to their dreams?

Only few Nigerian men can measure up in the global arena.

Tell them, you are not available.

If you marry anyone of them, I will still come to eat the wedding cake.

Life goes on.


As at present, when will you be distributing your FM&B online so that people can order copies from anywhere.

Cheers and God bless.

Orikinla Osinachi. said...

Watch the Tallest Christ Tree on my blog.

Simi Speaks said...

Don't give into the pressure sweetie...Marriage takes hard work.. It's the most rewarding and joyful thing when you marry the right person.. I took my time and married at 29 to a great man who fuels my ambitions. Had my child at 30.. So forget the whole 22 - 29timeline thing..

The best advice I can give is to PRAY for your OWN husband. And HE will answer in due time.

Waffarian said...

Reading all these comments have been entertaining. Life is overrated, we shall all be rotten one day with maggots crawling out of reproductive organs.....what the hell is the big deal? Live as you want, life is too short.

Belema said...

In other words the comments Im reading state you cant have healthy kids if you patiently select your mate no matter how old you are,infact women are expected to run around town proposing to uninterested men because they are getting older infact it is important to satisfy onlookers in the community by throwing a wedding with a man that might not add any joy or fullfilment to your life.
So after you quickly wed does that solve all life problems ????
-like sickness,accidents,childlessness,birth defects,domestic violence,adultery,sickle cell anemia,financial problems,unexpected death,wayward children etc

Nigerians have a long way to go in terms of understanding what life is really all about.

Infact someone told me today her ex-boyfriends mother didnt want them married because she was married and divorced before (divorce reason- a severely abusive man)


Will it take that mother having a daughter of her own who faced similar unexpected experiences to understand that people have no control of some sad life circumstances they face in their past ?

Sherri said...

interesting views!
i find it quite hillarious sha...
the bootom line is, it is possible to have it all. no one can kill ur dreams unless u let them!
the problem is and has always been us women! cos in most cases, the men do not even try to hide who they are, it's us women who turn a blind eye to their crap, just to be married!

one very important advice is:seek to know and love urself dearly.
once u love urself, u'll never let anyman maltreat u..

TJ The Actor said...

Niaja mentality! Telling a Lady that she's too old or getting older for marriage age..It will take another two centuries to flush out this kind of primitive mentality from our culture. Those who are presurissing u to rush into marriage will they be there 4 u when all the chips are down? I think when one reaches d age of 18 be man or woman one should be able to make any decision especially pertaining to his or her life without employing no busydodies or poke nosers...


U know what Eddie Murphy once said..when asked about his advice for youth and those who wanna toy his line...." Don't take advice from nobody but yourself" cos at the end of d day u won't have anybody to blame for ur bad or good decision...

For me, i listen to what some people have to say but i don't swallow everything they advised me.. i follow my instinct..sometimes d decision i have made worked out and sometimes they didn't..nobody will or can live ur life for u..impossible!

shally said...

hi linda.i love ur blog.u seem like a free minded somebody,really funny and creative.i guess u r someone with a mind of her own.don't bother bout the pressure to marry.ur dreams is enogh to keep u occupied till the right man comes.god didn't give u those dreams 4 notin.and that crab bout delivery complication @ 29 or sumtin like that is notin but that-crab.sarah in the bible had a baby at 99.its better to be patient for a marriage that really lasts.am 40-50years.

shally said...

hi linda.i like ur blog.u must be a creative,smart,funny and independent woman-i like that.pls dunt be bothered bout the pressure to marry,its too important and sumtin to be rushed into.ur dreams are enuf to keep u occupied till mr rite comes and that crab of delivery complications btw 25-29 id just nonsense.sarah of bible times had hers at 99.achieve ur dreams and be all god made u to be.he didn't give u those dreams for notin.

Anonymous said...

may we please ask for your consent to use most of your pictures and other relevant topics and pictures in our magazine sparkles magazine .i will also have to call you on sunday to know how far
cheers onyedikachi deputy editor sparkles magazine

Anonymous said...

am 31 and definitely want to get married ASAP but at the same time i want to get married to my soulmate, friend, lover, brother the list goes on. i would say, fortunately, we come from a part of the globe where if u re not married by say ur mid twenties there s sumthin seriously wrong with u... i personally dont keep in touch with mani of my childhood friends simply becos most times b4 the geetins they ask where s he, ur children nko?
i havent met any1 yet, i have had proposals b4 at the time they didnt feel right... i pray some day soon the Heavenly Father will brg him my way but in the meantime am goin to hav fun, so gal @ 27 and lookin good as u do, that man will appear on ur radar when u least expect, luv ur blog, i found it by accident! really mus say am really impressed ciao gal

uche said...

Okay now im scared . Like so scared. Im 23 but im praying hard like real hard.People are saying stuff like i shldnt hangout too often, i shld manage but mehhhhn i nid some cool guy. Im hardworking so i expect him to be too. Then the inter cultural aspect comes in
IBO+ YORUBA= No
IBO+ HAUSA = Impossible
IBO+ NIGERDELTA= Manageable.
IBO+ EDO= A tOTAL NO NO
I hope ur gradually seeing my predicament

linda we love you