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Tuesday, 5 June 2007

Developing a thick skin.

My younger sister got back from a salon this evening and told me something she found odd, but I found amusing. Apparently, the girls in the salon were talking about a certain Linda, at first she didn't know they were talking about her big sis, until someone mentioned my surname...she said she heard stuff that stunned her. It got to a point where she was wondering if they were actually talking about me or another Linda.

She eventually did ask them which linda they were talking about and they described me, my career and even talked about my blog and modeling agency. Then my sis asked them if they have ever met me and they replied no! She let them say and listened carefully but as she was leaving the salon, she turned to the girls and said that was my sister you were talking about but I'm not angry because you are talking out of ignorance, if you know her, you would not have said any of the things you said...

I used to care so much about what people think and say about me, until I came across the word 'Bias', and realised that people will think and say whatever they want, regardless of what you say and who you really are.

The first time I was written about as a model was in 1999 by my late publicist, Kayode fayemi, and after that first write up, I became one of the first celebrated models in Nigeria. In those days no journalist was interested in interviewing models, if you weren't an actress, musician, socialite, nobody wanted to hear what you had to say...models weren't celebrities.

But with time, we started getting recognition. We started getting Magazine front covers, headlines, interviews on TV etc. People started asking for autographs...it was cool until some people started believing that reading about you was enough for them to tell the KIND of person you are. They now think they KNOW you.

I've heard all kinds of things said behind my back and some to my face...I've heard people say I'm an 'aristo' babe, heard that I slept my way to the top, heard that I have men giving me money because I have a mag and run my own business...sad story!

Because you are a model, they think you are wayward...it doesn't matter what you say, they will believe what makes them happy. When they don't see you around town with men, they conclude that you are doing your thing underground, they'll believe anything but the truth that you are just a decent girl doing decent things.

I remember reading several articles about Genevieve Nnaji. Alot of people speculated she was dating a top politician who was spoiling her with money. All these rumour started after she bought a jeep and moved to the Lekki area of Lagos. No one cared to remember she was a top actress, making alot of money and also got paid millions of naira for her Lux advert. If you are successful, have your own business, they automatically think there's an alhaji bankrolling you. Once again, Sad!

Whenever I heard those hurtful things, I used to always try to explain myself to anyone who cared to listen, hoping to convince someone that I'm not that 'kind' of girl. But then I realised that when you allow people's opinion matter so much to you, especially if they have nothing good to say about you, you're only making life more difficult for yourself.

I also realised that people like to think negative of others because it makes them feel good about themselves, especially if they think they have failed in their own lives...if they haven't achieved anything at all, and they feel that you have, they try to make themselves feel better by believing that you did something unholy to achieve success, so why bother with what these people think or say? Especially if you know they are wrong. Especially if you are proud of the person you are, especially if your family and close friends are proud of you, but most especially if you know God in heaven is proud of you...he knows and sees everything we do, his opinion is the one that matters most.

People will say, it doesn't matter how good you are, they will say! Some people derive joy from badmouthing others...these are people who don't like themselves. If they don't like themselves, how the hell do you expect them to like you? Some people have made up their minds about the kind of person they think you are and nothing can convince them otherwise, nothing!

I've developed a thick skin...the only people who's opinion I care about now are of those who know me well...how can you judge me from afar? Some people have never even met you, they've never spoken to you, but they will tell what they think is your life story like they are family.

If you don't know me, don't talk about me, don't condemn me, don't spread false, hateful rumours, don't judge me, don't say what you don't know. On a second thought, you can say...but it means nothing to me...why should it? You don't matter...

Get to know someone first before making up your mind about who you think they are. And don't judge, who are you to judge? Who died and made you king?

Only a small minded person will judge another based on hear-say or what they read in the papers...that's not enough for you to think you know...

Live and let live people, no one is perfect, not even you!

What people say shouldn't bother you, it doesn't bother me...not anymore.

22 Comments:

  • At 6 June 2007 at 00:34 , Blogger TJ The Actor said...

    As we all know many naijas sabi hate no be small....amercans, Brits civilized people celebrate their owns..but in naija or africa as whole our slogan is to bring our own down to d lowest gutter, fucking mutherfuckers, playa haters, unprogressive animals....I’m a man of passion, great passion, my story is a peculiar one, my life has been a complicated one, but my focus has been a constistent one. I have always had fun with whatever I choose to throw myself into, never had time for people’s misconceptions, misgivings or lack of understanding about my approach or tactics. I have always believed in my God given abilities and capabilities and above all, I have always believed in myself and the sincerity of purpose.
    You have to be mad sometimes to achieve some things, once you have achieved it, come back to normalcy. And making a mark is a continuous process....I don’t even want people to know everything about me. The world is like layers, when you lift one, another one surfaces. In fact, I am still discovering myself. So, I don’t think there will be an end to discovering myself.

    Bill Gates Quotes:

    “[Smart] is an elusive concept. There's a certain sharpness, an ability to absorb new facts. To ask an insightful question. To relate to domains that may not seem connected at first. A certain creativity that allows people to be effective.”

    “Life is not fair; get used to it.”



    Linda sista, I guess in a lot of ways, that ur pedigree laid the foundation of who u are today, because u were brought up on an overdose of morality, spirituality and from an early age, the word character was defined by ur parents for u to emulate which u did!.
    It's fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”

    Pls, never ,never listen to those lazy disgruntled elements of progress.....they will always remain on d same spot without no ticket 4 them to successed ! Did Claudia Chiffer, Naomi Campbell, kate Moss, Tyra banks, Brooke Shields, Alek Wek, Cindy Crawford ,Gisele Bündchen,Christie Brinkley,Amanda Swisten,Almudena, Anna Hichmann etc slept their ways through ? The way we do things in naija sometimes makes me laugh and shake my head in astonishment and in shame compared with d way civilized ppl do things.... we sabi too much 4 naija...once u are successful enemies are in ur backyard like parasites... ya ' ll playa haters i say FUCK U ALL ...Linda is here to stay ! u Punks!

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 03:06 , Blogger Diva-sta said...

    Its nt just nigerians dat hate...every1 hates truss me i no....in different countries...but no matter how much u desire to be loved...u'll always gt haters..frm all kinds of ppl nt just nigerians...it's a sad world we live in...y cant every1 just b happy 4 u and ur achievements...bt u no the root of all this is - jealousy...so i would take it as a compliment wen dis tings happen or i try 2...lovin yr blog seriousli..loolz u gt ma dream job (modelling) damn!!

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 03:59 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    My dear,

    I'll give you this advice as an older female and as a sister.
    if your intention is genuine and your heart is right, please learn to ignore the idiocy of human beings especially those in the society you live in.

    So as a young woman, you have held your forth and become the person you are and paid your dues, what do you care what people say.

    Listen, you do not matter if nothing is said about you. So hold your head up and don't ever for one instance relegate in your passion for what you do, posterity will never forgive you if you do!

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 05:18 , Blogger Im A Babe said...

    very well written my sis!
    if u werent important...no-one would want 2 talk abt u....PERIOD!
    im learning 2 develop a thick skin 2 but sumtyms negativitiy gets d best of me.
    why o why! do nigerians believe that any young woman thats doing good 4 herself fucked her way up. i remember vividly when a similar rumor was spread abt me..u kno, the aristo thing.
    these grp of gurls 'assumed' that cos i wore nice outfits and watnot that it had 2 be from aristos...funny thing is i was stl a virgin at d tym d bullshit went around.
    did i find it offensive??...nope! i actually found it flattering and ofcourse hilarious.

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 08:24 , Blogger ibiluv said...

    hey girl i guess it is just the way the world is, even amongst ur kin u would find a few disgruntled elements,just keep being u, i do agree with u ,most of the tyme the people that try to bring u down would love to be you.i like ur guts girl, its good to find sistas like you doing great things,and the stereotype really is because some sistas sleep to get to the top, so some humans get narrow minded...the only people u have to explain urself to most probabbly know u on a personal level so tell them all biased m******f****** to BITE themselves..love u gal...keep being u

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 08:31 , Blogger ibiluv said...

    hey girl, even amongst ur kin i am sure u would find a few disgruntled elements...and it is thru most of the people that badmonuth u would secretly love to be living ur life or are jobless,idle .a busy person usually doesnt have tyme for such thots.just keep being u..i personally think we only have to account ourselves to God,any other person can go dig a grave if the way u live your life doesnt please them.......keep being u....u go girl...keep doing great things

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 10:36 , Blogger Nyemoni said...

    It's so not a Nigerian thing... it's the wicked ways of the world...people from all over do it. My oyibo ogas sabi gossip no be small! Linda, remember you are in the limelight and a lot of people will always want to bring you down... TRUTH!
    Some will be your peers,competitors, rivals, some will be people you call friends! The saddest is when people who have never met you start to talk about you...it's a good thing, deveoping a thick skin..just dust them off and do your thing!

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 11:15 , Blogger Ugo Daniels said...

    Almost synonymous with what i blogged about yesterday. It can get ver irritating when people talk about you in negative manners but how we handle the matter simply tells more about who we are adn the kinda upbringing we had.

    You have handled the rumour like a matured mind, which oyu are and i must comment you for that.

    Just lyk someone said, It's only important people that make the NEWS. NObody talks about you if you ain't important.

    There are so many examples, Lindsay Lohan, Beyonce, Jay Z, even Oprah, Britney, etc. They all make the news, cos they're important. Acts that other peeps do everything becomes Breaking News on Newspapers frontpages just cos its them.

    So, my dear, you are BIGGER and BETTER than all the aprokos. Believe in yourself and don't listen to disgruntled elements bent on tarnishing people's image just cos they can't get there through hardwork.

    Hope your day's moving along well, o jare.

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 12:54 , Blogger ExcitedJade said...

    Linda, let them say, u know what av learnt people will always talk sbout important pple..u r bigger and better than them,.

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 13:46 , Blogger NIGERIA POLITRICKS said...

    Linda, that's deep!...and you're soooo true. Just keep doing you and dont mind the olofofos jare'.

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 15:22 , Anonymous jadedjune said...

    Then good for you girl! There isn't any need for peoples comments to bring you down. As long as you are happy inside with the way you live your life, then everyone else can go fuck themselves.......

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 15:56 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    wen people are up there..those down there will alwayys bitch and as u said one needs to develop a thick skin....anywayz linda pls check out my page or miss okpeke's page on the upcoming blogville idol contest...Will u be interested?pls say yes!we just trying to spice up stuff on blogville....

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 16:02 , Anonymous ladybrille said...

    Girl, it is what it is. Ppl do talk and say what they say, Naija or not. Just had this convo. with a friend last night, American girl, she was upset despite being one of the most brilliant legal minds I know with a successful practice. I told her, it is the highest form of flattery when ppl talk about you. Think about it, you become so important ppl have something to say about you, no matter what it is they say. It applies whether you are on celeb status or not.

    I chuckle when ppl do say things b/c it is quite funny and take it as flattery. However, if it's a situation where they say things that adversely affects my livelihood or inhibits my ability to earn a living-esp. in yankee, you best believe I will find the source and take legal action against them. I don't play like that. Again, it is if it applies not trivial things on whom am with or I think am all that or I got a sugar daddy blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, try as hard as they want, haters can't touch you. You've got what they want and they do not have an ounce of strength, imagination or guts to pursue their dreams as intensely as you do. Laugh it off, make some more money and like a song I've heard says, "give them something to talk about." BTW, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER apologize for the wealth you or your family has accumulated, obviously I speak of legitimate accumulation of wealth.

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 16:17 , Anonymous Ms. O said...

    Linda, pls develop ur thick skin jare...do not care about what anyone says...like "im a babe" said, if u weren't impt, no one would want to talk about you...pls keep doing your thing and NEVER mind what people say or think...just as long as you know you are doing the right thing...ppl will always talk and are always going to be jealous....like u said, its just so sad but there is nothing you can do about it other than to keep doing your thing and make them even more jealous...keep doing your thing sista...

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 16:18 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Forgot one thing, make sure you practice what you preach. you've had gossips and gist on ur blog. They are fun but unless u r absolutely sure they r true, then don't post them because you end spreading hear-say which as you know can be hurtful. Not everyone has developed thick skin yet.

    Ladybrille

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 16:39 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Well said. Just do you Linda. I realise that as you succeed in life so many haters crawl out of the woodwork. Especially in Nigeria. I'm glad you've developed a thick skin

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 18:04 , Anonymous Afam said...

    if that's the case then why were you so keen to explain yourself to Stella Dimoko Korkus when she was writing stuff about you. Okay, she called you to 'confirm'... but why write something you're not sure of? and then call the person to confirm? I find your defence of her a bit ???? if you know what I mean. It seems a bit one-sided that you want to develop a thick skin; yet you're going out of your way to defend someone who sees nothing wrong in writing unconfirmed gist about other people.

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 20:53 , Blogger Kiibaati said...

    Look at the bright side, any publicity is good publicity. Pray that may it never happen that they will stop talking or writing about you.And the more they talk, the bigger you get... Just look at Genevieve!

     
  • At 6 June 2007 at 22:13 , Blogger classybabe said...

    one doesn't even have to be popular to have haters.Some pple just find it easy to beef others,as 3 little women said in their song "haters, they gonna hate,Ballers, they gonna ball".
    I say don't be bothered about the thoughts pple that don't know you personally,Even with pple that know u,just keep doing whatever rocks your boat,one cant please everybody

     
  • At 7 June 2007 at 15:23 , Blogger Linda Ikeji said...

    @afam...i said i used to try to explain, not anymore.

    @anon.there's a difference btw gossip and malicious gossip.if i say i heard tosin dekalu is getting married, im gossiping but im not tarnishing her image.i wont judge nike osinowo based on write ups on her, all i said was she was stopped by the police.i wont say tuface is a bad person bcos he has two kids, that doesnt define him, all i can say he wasn't very careful in the past.ive gossiped i admit but i dont think ive badmouthed anyone...

     
  • At 8 June 2007 at 20:34 , Blogger Toni Payne said...

    its sad to say that we still have cave people dwelling amongst us. People who dont think women cant be successful by themselves. I noticed something last time I was in NIG and it kinda annoyed me, its like if you are a sharp woman they assume a man is feeding you One thing I took note of whenever scheduled a meeting with a guy, when I arrive at my destination the reception people would give me this maybe she is another one of his GF's look. Its kinda unconfy but I know its ignorance and a lot of our girls are not helping either. This whole runs girls thing is getting out of hand.

    So all u cave dwellers, yes this is 2007 and women are working just as hard as men to be successful and doing a darn good job too.. by themselves, no help from any man.

     
  • At 15 June 2007 at 20:05 , Blogger Hollywood Mama said...

    True words Linda..

    Thats life...

    Lmao @ the Alhaji thing... it is true maybe not for you but there are some people that decieve themselves by the lifestyle they live...

    In america it can be translated to buying expensive stuff when your in debt!

    Theres a difference in being successful and totall decieving yourself

    Wish you the best...

    Hollywood Mama
    Nigerian and Proud

     

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