Wales shares his own story of the abuse he suffered in the hands of his own father growing up, how he didn't speak to the man for 12 years and how he eventually forgave him. See all that after the cut...
P.S: If you hit your child frequently or even verbally abuse them, you need to stop. They remember when they grow up, and they may never tell you but they carry that resentment for a long time.
234 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 234 of 234Look at who is talking..you don't even know the drug he took or maybe he even took any drug before that unfortunate incident..u're making it sound like he induced himself with cocaine and heroin..just rochi and codine that 75 percent of students in our higher institution takes just to forget their sorrows and from our demented parents..agreed tolani does drugs,,sorry Nigeria is so messed up more and more youths will do drugs just to get away for once from the mess of this country...the dad is dead yes,,did he deserve to die? Like I care...
Haba the father over reacted. The 21year old person is no more child but young adult.
I had same brutal experience. My mum treated me like outcast. If I am laughing and i see her I frown immediately. I had no friends when I was growing up, my mm beat till I started writing the Sad events on dairies. I tore and burnt the diary 2009 when I was in 3rd year in the university
What illicit acts? Drugs? Please take several seats....some of u who think u holy than this dude be posting shit..and am sure some of u snapped too but there was no knife around or u had no guts.there are numerous cases of those who fought back..my dad fought his dad and broke his nose....so tolani was sick and tired of him and he was like "pls let me kill u,,pata pata dem go kill me too". poor dude will have to face the judiciary system that failed him..if there was a law that prohibits parent from abusing their kids,,they will still have their lives.
Thanks to wale... totally killed it! Some parents need to actually differentiate
jenniferanthonella@yahoo.com
The number of times my brothers and I were beaten mercilessly by our father was ridiculous. I can't even remember certain events because everything was bad. We were slapped and beaten for hours for stepping out of the house. Playing football downstairs in a gated estate was taken like a criminal offence. My brothers and I weren't terrible kids and did well in secondary school with good grades, all prefects with my elder brother being an HEAD BOY. Since our mother was abroad, we got into the University without his help and totally abandoned him with his trouble. Fast forward a few years, he's still stubborn and arrogant but wants to get close. I know deep down he wants a relationship and he knows he had messed up in the past. I can't say I have entirely forgiven him because I don't think he is sorry for what he has done. I can't say I love him either but I respect the fact that he's my father. I definitely know how I'm going to treat my kids thanks to him.
My mum put pepper in my vagina twice cos of offences like I came home from university by 5pm. 1hr past my 4pm curfew. Dad will throw u up aand leave u to hit d ground bcos u broke his plate. Put u in a dark room and fix his torchlight on ur face and beat d living daylight out of u. Horror! Nigerian parents shaa
I grew up in a village in Naija that had no electricity until I was about 14. Presently, I am a professor in the USA. I look back now, and I say THANK YOU to my dad for not "sparing the rod" It was not pleasant, but it played a role in shaping a future for good! If I had killed him, what would I have become today?
You are rite Wale. I had the same experience growing up with my Uncle. He put the fear in me. Then one day i attacked him back. He took a nail stick and i took a knife. But thankful to the Adult around. Who knows what would have happened that day. We lived together but i couldnt share my daily challenges, my problems, troubles, worries with him. I grew up making decisions by myself which has lead me to making some decision that i regret today.
You can never correct a child by putting fear in him or giving him the beating of his life. He will soon get used to it. when he grows he will burst out and put up an attack. The best way to correct is with love. Tell him the negative outcome for is wrong actions and positive outcome if he does the right things.
I am sorry this family at to go through this.
Abi oo. I can even imagine Linda's hypocritical headline. I hope the religious bigots can understand it's really not about the religion but rather the individual.
THERE ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF CHILDREN. SOME TAKE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS FROM THEIR PARENT, TEACHER, ETC; AND OBEY THEM . WHILE FOR SOME IT HAS TO BE WAR AGAINST INDISCIPLINE N EVEN THEN , THE CHILHREN WHAT TO ASK, WHY? MOST CHILDREN OF NOWADAYS, DON'T RESPECT AND OBEY THEIR PARENTS.THE WANT TO DO THINGS THIER OWN WAY EVEN WHEN IT MAY NOT LEAD THEM TO A WONDERFUL N HONORABLE END.NO PARENT WILL WANT HIS CHILD TO BECOM WAYWARD OR BRING DISGRACE TO THIER FAMILY. HENCE THEY WILL DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO CORRECT THIER CHILDREN BACK TO TRACK.
FOOLISH BOY! YOU ARE A STIL A STUDENT AND U'VE D MIND TO KILLED UR FATHER FOR ANY REASON(S). ANY GOOD FUTURE FOR YOU AGAIN? I PITTY UR MOTHER N OTHER SISTERS N BROTHERS FOR DEPRIVING THEM THEIR JOY.
Hummm••there is no reason to justify his action••but parent also must be careful with the way they treat their kids cos I also have experiences about maltreatment while growing up after I lost my dad when I was just 9month••my mum had to be the father nd mother of my sister nd i••despite the fact she loves us beyond doubt she sometimes get frustrated nd pour her anger on us,it got to a stage when I was just 14 I drank ba3 water and almost lost my life cos I will rather kill maself than to kill my mum and that changed my mum to a very lovely mum••she had no idea how much suffering she was inflicting on us back then nd she apologized after the incident••am just 20 but independent in my catering career••she is my best friend now and all decision I make today nd in future are always in a her favour#GiftedDiva#281d27a4
I THANK GOD FOR MY PARENTS, GUARDIANS N TEACHERS FOR NOT SPARING ANY DISCIPLINE ON ME. I WONDER WHAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN NOW, IF NOT THEM.
At 25, my mum slapped me. I was almost gonna hit her back. It was God's grace dat helped me
well said Wale............. Say NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND CHILD ABUSE...... God bless your ministry @ All ..... he who has ear let him hear
Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa..... oooo my God!!! LIB readers, una no go kill person... jst cnt stop lafin... bu kaaai, dis babe no try at aallll.... "RIP in advance"??????? My belle oooooo
Na true sha....
C.E.O
I sincerely and absolutely agree with Chris. It happens to most children and I can say this based on my experience. Through this, I hope that we, as offsprings of our various parents DO NOT emulate such terrible "upbringing". It sure leaves the child(ren) with terrible memories, almost throughout his or her life. Linda Ikeji...nice work on your blog.
Have a lovely weekend all.
The problem with most African parents is that they take it too far with the children all in the name of discipline. Comparing your children with other children who you do not know are worse than yours, speaking harse demoralizing words to a child, physical beating & torturing, etc... all these result in resentment by the child and it affects the child psychologically, morally, socially and otherwise. the child grows up with so much hate in him.. HOW MANY AFRICAN PARENTS HAVE TRAINED A CHILD WITHOUT BEATING THEM AT LEAST ONCE? I experienced the beating, demeaning words,comparism.. till today I still say that if not for my high-spiritedness and self-motivation, I would probably had low self-esteem.. The above disciplinary measures never worked for me until my parents began to use another approach which was subtle.. waking me up in the middle of the night & talking with me... I do not support the boy but please let us mind the kind of words we use for our children. Words kill them slowly and they grow up with so much anger in them.. thank you!
21 is way too late for that kind of discipline and dangerous especially from a very obviously disturbed Young Adult...by 7 years old if discipline hasn't worked then it can never work at 21!!....there must be other means of bringing them into line..I do agree with the majority and you can see on here how Domestic abuse of wives and children is rampant in 9ja
Having said that I would never have killed my Dad..my own I like watching the movies late as a Teenager and my Dad hated the fact that when he came in from his Social Club... I was still awake..how did he know??...by touching the TV Screen was still very warm..knew beating was in order..
all that was to change one night..think I was 14 by mistake the koboko he used hit the side of my face had a scar but lied at school..but vowed he did never touch me again by not doing wrong..I matured at 14...and that was it..but other kids have behavioural problems...and would still do it and go on to do worse things..
Me and the Old man..cool as ice these days..didn't want me travelling to the UK(many moons ago) thought I would go AWOL like some other kids had ..but he's well proud of what I have managed to achieve!!
End of the day...2 wrongs don't make a right...and shame something so tragic had to happen in order to address this issue!!
i totally relate to this...several times, it could have been me. african parents cannot differentiate between discipline and punishment
i totally relate to this...several times, it could have been me. african parents cannot differentiate between discipline and punishment
yours is a different case plzzz..
i disagree completely with bonario. we all have different levels of tolerance and the guy got to his limit and did what he did. I am not trying to justify his actions but i can only state that this should be a wakeup call for parents who torture their kids and drive them to resentment all in the name of discipline.
Hahahaha this girl u funny sha!@chidimma
The best post by Linda in the many years i've been reading this blog and the most responsible comments ever. Nice one Wale. I feel you die!!!
Yes Linda don't really pay attention to majority of your posts but as someone did say..This was The Best Post...Best Comments...very real..other Bloggers def slept on this..
This took me back many years and really surprised how much I did remember..vowed my kids would never go through this..
I read ur comment thoroughly but i'll only emphasize on the school part...Need I remind u,u said headboy. Students respect a headboy/headgirl..The headboy or headgirl is like a principal of a school but in this case,its the head of all students under him or her...It's like u disrespecting them means u disrespect the principal aswell....U can't compare a normal prefect to that position......I attended a boarding school too frm yr1-6
Bona sumtyms u don't fink b4 ritn, d boy didn't tk anifn dt day. And u don't liv wiv dem, u don't know why he must v bn going tru or u expect him to start saying all dt nw wen d did is done. Yes he could v escaped but he 'snapped' u need sum1 to define dt for u or go watch d programme. D accumulated anger made him fink differently. U need to think b4 u comment bonario. Think!
I cant believe you all. Judging a situation based on the view of one of the parties. He never once mentioned what he did to deserve whatever he got. If it was nothing as he claimed he would have mentioned it.
I am not for abuse of kids in the name of discipline. But I turned out very well and had my fair share of discipline. At the time we the kids thought our mum was wickerd. But today let anyone come try to abuse my Mum in front of me and see wahala. For example the child may have been turning to sodomy, robbery,rituals, etc we will never know. Most criminals in court plead their innocence to the end. ALL IAM SAYING IS DO NOT JUDGE BASED ON ONE VIEW ONLY as it will be distorted one way to suit the writer...
GBAM!! Sense has spoken!! so many African children remain voiceless and with all this resentment stored up, they plan very wicked things towards their abusers. if this kind of discipline worked, it wouldn't be so. At the end of the day, if the pikin go spoil e go spoil, don't use discipline as a means of expressing anger, this is what parents ( ESPECIALLY RELIGIOUS ONES) are using to cover up abuse. the bible says use a rod,not ur fingers, a bottle, or a belt. because u were disciplined in such violent ways doesn't mean someone must suffer the same before u move on. Even people who live in the land where the bible was written don't abuse children like this. you see adults walking around with scars as if they are survivors of war, meanwhile its their parents tactics of discipline that caused this. this cannot go unheard of oh!!! if not, there will be more dead parents. what this boy has done has triggered fire, and note, fire no go commot fire, use water and save a parents life today!!
ROTFL
I know parents do hit there kids with the different frustration they are facing in life, my mum was a hard one too, very strict and I had to deal with so much battering from her and abusive words, I nearly got derailed but thank God for His mercies. But all the same I tried to understand it is frustrating being a single mother, that helped me to love her more. Thanks to her am an independent man who can compete with any woman in the kitchen. I gave birth to my kids in the UK and should them more love than I got, even when my eldest daughter goes wrong and I smack her she comes back to give me a hug because she understands how much I love her. Tolani Ajayi has no excuse for killing his father, he was just insensitive and selfish, if he had not been rebellious his father will not had to use stick on him, He stabbed his dad and could have stopped at that and run out of the house,that's self defense, but he went ahead to butcher him and disposed his remains, he has guts. He is a serial killer!! He needs to pay for his actions.
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