Here is story and your advice is welcome.
Three days ago, I met the fiancée of my very close pal from Nigeria, she had come to the UK for a medical checkup. Seeing her face to face shocked me to the marrows as I realized she was someone I had known way back in my University and early working days in Naija. I would spare you the dirty details, but basically she was a slut.
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She was known for a lot of bed hopping in those days with married and single men alike. She even had various dirty escapades with expatriates from the company I worked for in naija back then, where someone had filmed her on a mobile phone having a foursome with three guys. This recording was passed round and saved on phones, computers and so on amongst other crazy ones by those expatriates of their escapades. It clearly shows her face and some distinctive futures on her skin.
Two weeks ago my friend had told me his fiancee was coming for a checkup and for some shopping here in the UK, he had told me a lot about her, that she was a virgin, honest, caring girl and a whole lot of stuff and desperately wanted me to meet her to boost his opinion as he knew nothing of her past which she has kept from him. Now as we met for me to send some stuff to Naija through her, it was obvious that she was equally shocked to see me.
Now my problem is this, do I tell my friend about who she really is and save him the heartache of finding out himself as the video recording are still in circulation even with some colleagues in various parts of the world. I suspect she might have come here for the "re-virgin" operation now gaining popularity in the UK as she claimed to have spent several thousand on the said "Check up". Or do I just keep quiet and pretend not to know anything. I am to play an important role in the wedding come mid next year.
Please I need constructive advice and even if you must yab try make it subtle , thanx.
31 comments:
I can understand ur diff position, but honestly its not ur place to tell him, her past is past, so coz she had some crazy times in d past means she cant be settled n married again? let him find out himself, at least give her the chance to tell him herself. U wanna be a good friend n save him, well no one likes a home breaker as well. If u tell him, u're breaking his heart too! I say keep ur trap shot.
this is a tough one..I will say you let him find out himself,because nemesis will definately catch up with her very very soon.
I feel for your friend though.
Eyah...this your situation get as e be o. I probably would have someone send the video anonymously to the guy....lol. Whatever you do good luck.
this one get as e be o! this story paints the woman too dirty and the man too innocent, middle ground no dey therefore i think this story is a bad fake.
Now if this friend of yours were a woman, Ill say keep your mouth shut because women tend to view everything as jealousy/"hater" related,...so it will definitely backfire, but being that he happens to be a man, I say HINT IT!
Hint being d keyword here.
U don't hv 2 say anything to say a lot really.
Ur expressions alone can speak for themselves.
U do not hv 2 tell him every single lil dirty secrets of hers, but do tell your friend to ask her more about her past.
Example of some hint words:
Hmm! are u sure this was d girl u were telling me abt?
she looks really familiar shaaa
U may want to ask her MORE about some of the things she told u
....
Basically u be creative! jst kinda go with d flow.
Now b4 the preachers come on board. I am aware that we all have a past BUT what struck a nerve in me is d fact that she's a bold face liar.
Seriously Why do women lie about their virginity? And why would a man who is not a virgin himself care if a woman is one or not?
This is why relationships fall apart these days! LIES LIES LIES & MORE LIES! People stay living pretentious lives.
While we don't hv 2 discuss every little detail of our past with our partners, we also do not need to tell lies like so.
Wouldn't u want for ur partner 2 accept u for who u are?
I mean that only makes sense to me, bcos he/she will eventually find out d truth. Best believe that! We live in a very very very small world.
Now some people may not agree with what I have said (which is fine) but at the end of d day, your loyalty lies with ur friend and NOT homegirl.
Knowing d truth from d jump might save him years of heartache.
#justsaying
And to be honest really, it seems as though ur friend has no clue who he asked to be his wife, so I wouldn't feel too bad for him either.
U've gotta walk before u jump.
Anybody can play d good girl/boy role once a hubby or wifey material comes along, but it is up to both parties to dig deep, in order to decipher if he/she is really just putting up a front.
wish u luck on whatever u decide to do.
um did i lose my comment?
I agree with everything $Dith said.
What got me most about this story is the picture she painted of herself now is 180 degree removed from who she was in the past.
It's not as if she is suger coating the truth about her past, no, she is telling bare faced lies and probably spending thousands of £ to keep up the lie!
I think you should not tell the guy anything about her past. You can say though, that u saw her around school back in the days, but nothing about her bad side......So U don't end up being the bad guy eventually in the matter. You cant say how DEEP in love your friend is with his fiance. He could be so into her that anyone saying any bad thing against her is considered enemy. and then u loose your friend. So just let him discover it. (if he ever does)
As for the girl lying about her virginity.....is that a necessary lie? Maybe she is remorseful for the 'wide pit' she has become, and wants a 'narrower' start for a better tomorrow!....so lets believe she had a reason to tell that lie......At least we all do consciously or unconsciously.
the guy is definitely not a virgin either. 9ja pple alwways overlook guys that sleep around. who knows whether he was even a bigger man- whore. mind your business and stop taking panadol for other people's headache.
Mind your own business pls. thanks
Pls mind your own business.For all you know the man may know the girl's past but is just painting a good picture of his bride to be to you.
Everyone has a past and something they are ashamed of, just because hers has to do with sex doesn't make her less than anyone. Her past is her past and it is up to her to tell him.I am sure the guy too has skeletons in his closet and has slept around to.
@ $Dith. Girl, you said all what was running thru my mind. It's like we think alike or smth. When is your birthday? lol
Anyway, I still don't get the whole thing, lying about your virginity. If you had sex maybe couple of times(if you can count it), you can get away with it a lil bit, but if you are a certified slut, that's just a BIG NO NO. And then spend all that money to reconstruct your V-jay to look like what? seriously!
If I was her friend or acquaintance, and know of her past, call me a bad friend, and put in a position to say smth about her, I guarantee you I will say smth about her past maybe not the details.
guy wat is gud is gud.......just tell ur friend b4 is 2 late and dnt mind losin d friendship...evry1 sayin u shld not tell him .....if it was der bro how wld dey feel
I really think you should HINT as $Dith adviced. Men do perceive things differently. If he discovers later and finds out you knew all along, that could/would severe your friendship. All his fiancee has told him is bold faced lies. Best wishes.
Everyone's got a point. But isn't it a little to late to be asking for someone's past after your engaged? The reason we date is to get the know the person before the next major thing==>MARRIAGE!
What ur friend shd do I "think" is to let the girl knw dt her hubby-to-be is asking abt her past and leave the rest to her. *she shd knw, dt nuttn is hidden*.
As a matter of fact, if he's your very close friend as you mentioned in the post, it's in your place to tell him. You might just save him years of regret when he finds out later in his marriage. You see, there's visual proof and sooner or later he will see it.
I wonder how many people he has told about his virgin fiancee? He needs to grow up. Just as men have needs, women also have needs, but her lies are extreme. A successful marriage is always built on trust and understanding, once that is gone, wahala don start. If i was your friend and i find out in the future you prevented me from making a decision about my marriage, i will completely lose my trust in you.
One of the most important lessons ive learnt growing up as a man is not to make decisions for others. If he did not ask i'll expect you to shut up, but he did and the truth you shall tell him.
Like everyone said, this is a very delicate matter o, almost like a movie....I would say send your friend an anonymous email and make sure it's never traced to you. Good luck!
This is a tough one, everybody has got a past but the fact that she went to the extent of I dont know how she did it? of becoming a virgin again has totally put her in my opinion in the category of the worst women on earth list. For Christ sake how can you deceive a man to that extend? Please to save your friend's life tell him, but tell him in a way he will understand. He will definitely get over her. she is not worth it, am not judging her, everybody has got a past, but she is has no let go of her past rather she is living a lie. Save ur friend please.
Dude, sit your guy down and tell him what it is... Your conscience will always haunt you whenever you see the girl and the lie she is living with your friend...
If it were my closest pal, I would tell simple. He needs to know. Tell the chick that she either spills her gut to him or you'll do the spilling. Just make sure she ain't some psycho chick that will go to any lengths to make sure that marriage holds eg MURDER.
BTW the only reason why I'm telling in this case is cause HER LIES DON PLENTY! She plainly out to deceive this guy like no man's bsuiness!
Seeing as you use your real name for your Blog, your friend has probably read this and put 1 and 1 together. If however he hasnt - send him the video of his virgin in action. Anonymously of course. just the fact that she lies about her past means she hasnt changed, she's willing to drag a man down the aisle based on a lie. Anyway i digress. do him this favour, it will hurt now but will save him much bigger heartache in the long run.
What's all this..
If the girl was an A1 student, won't he talk..
Anyway, this one is not news, I remember one story like that sha.. the boys told the guy.. see that your girl.. If u marry ma, we go dey screw am when we visit you.
We are boys, If this boy is your real boy.. why are you bothering wasting your time... do you want him to carry Aids? .. so you will help carry him from one hospital to the other.. or don't you know even if she doesn't have now, she has a good tendency to have later.. as once debe, always debe..and since she come dey lie abt am, d game done finish be dat..
@ anon June 8 :)
so you're a Gemini Dith. nice. just like moi.
PLLLEEEAAASSSEEEEEEEE!!! In the name of God, TELL YOUR FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
Please i beg you! TELL HIM!!!
pls do unto others as u want them to do unto u......how would u feel if ur pal watched u walk down the aisle with that kind of gal.... pls think
pls do unto others as u want them to do unto u......how would u feel if ur pal watched u walk down the aisle with that kind of gal.... pls think
hmmm....wat is d meanin of d word frnd?i'd say u tell ur frnd pls,dat is if u c d gurl hasnt changed n is just tryin to tie ur frnd to her unfortunate life...tryin to "revirginalise"doesnt evn speak well...b d bad frnd now if he takes it wrongly n d good frnd later wen he realises d truth n know u were only lookin out for him,not gonna b easy bt do specially wen d lady is unrepentent!i agree past is past n pple shouldnt b judged based on it bt her not tellin her husband-to-b today n kipin it til tomorw it stil becomes d past,"past lie"n it kips increasin and as d days go by wat we call "d past"is her livin in d present n d day passes n it becomes "d past"dat doesnt mean she's changd!lets all wear d husband-to-b shoes,wat will u do if u found out abt her later and also dat ur frnd u told abt her knew all dis tins n didnt tell u,d frndship ur tryin to save by not tellin him will now b in"d past"or ladies if it was ur brother ?i will tell my BROTHER!n if its abt me sumone should pls do same to me,if am able to defend myslf dat am a diffrent person fine bt if nt shit happens!tell him and let evryone move on n those dat nid to learn frm deir past do so...n dose dat nid to b more observant too do!dats my bit!
Wow, this is a position that i pray i never fall into as a man, my advice for the guy that asks the question would be to get some of your friends that know about the girl and that know the groom and you guys should go to the groom together and then tell him together, telling him yourself could backfire but when it come from more than one he is most likely to listen and if you still have the video of her awesome foursome then you can show him and save him from a life of regrets and pain.
One thing you should know is that everything that happens in life happens for a reason and the reason why her escapades in the past where brought to your knowledge could be only for you to save this guy from a lifetime of sorrow and pain. what will you tell God when He asks you??
If she was really sorry about her past she would not lie about her past, the first step to victory in any form is confession so if she can lie to get a man to marry her, remorse is far from her soul.
Finally, if the guy finds out about it when he is married and knows that you know about it then that is double trouble for you and una click that knew all along. As for me i prefer to be in conflict with 1000 female friends and be str8 with one male friend.. just me.
and remember everything you learn in life is to help another person, not neccesarily yourself.
she already settled the case with her lies.
How old are the people in question? If they are all young adults say early 20s, then by all means. If they are late 20s/ over 30 and all this happened ages ago (and it seems they are and it did), then what's his friend's headache?
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