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Saturday, December 19, 2009

My sex-maniac husband

I got an email from a reader of this blog. She wants your advice for an usual problem. She's married to a man whom she says loves to have sex...A LOT! She says to put emphasis on A LOT!

I never hear this kind wahala before o... lol. (Not funny I apologise :-))

Anyway, she said when she used to live in Nigeria with her husband, she'd leave home to go visit her mother for days mostly to escape his sexual demands (which she says is driving her to insanity) then they relocated to the UK and now she has nowhere to run to.

She writes "He wants it every time, morning, afternoon and night. Just whenever we are alone. The nights are the worst for me. He could go on and on all night long. He can't seem to control his urges and he's never satisfied. What do I do? The situation is making me so unhappy"

I'm not married so I really can't give any advice. If you have any words for our dear wife, please share. She really would appreciate it.

48 comments:

Fredrick chiagozie Nwonwu said...

I rather think this lady is lucky. she is in possesion of a commodity most women will give anything to own. probably she is of the frigid kind, if so, i think it is just a pity. perhaps she wont mind to exchange with others.

Aribaba said...

I mean... I never see where person go tire for someone who likes to have sex, but hey... I think it might be that he gets pleasure from sex and she doesn't get the same from him so the sex might not be fun for her... I'd say spice things up so u enjoy it, and if that fails... just dedicate one day and give him the nyashing of his life and he'll tire....lol

wavemasta said...

I do not want to sound rude, but the woman has issues.
She's meant to satisfy her husband. If the guy went looking outside, everyone would crucify him. Now because he, as a virile male, wants sex with his wife all the time, he's a "sex maniac"? Please abeg...
If she told this to her pastor, she'd be rebuked severely.
I seriously doubt this woman's love for her hubby...most women I know are even more eager than their husbands, to enjoy that part of their marriage.
She should go see a therapist.
My 2 cents..
Gosh..the poor dude! Making love to someone who doesn't want you!

Anonymous said...

Scenario 1:
Let us believe the woman is old enuff to differentiate between a sex maniac, a hi libido and a normal appetite.
A sex maniac is a whole world distant from a man with a high libido.
She said he cannot control his urges and he goes on and on..u knoww those kinda men hu never cum(pardon me...dat is not normal..
For those that are saying she is lucky, what is nice about having a man hu has no control over his body????
Maybe hed rather have sex to the detriment of all other activities,work,family,church,outings
If this is d case,d man may be suffering from a medical condition and should consult his doctor plus a therapist cos we kno sex addicts exist..

Scenario 2:
Maybe she dosnt like sex wi d man)..he doesnt hit the right spots...bla bla..
Imagine not enjoying sex wi ur hubby and having to endure it every waking second???
I've never really seen a chick dat runs away from sex wi her hubby..dats kinda odd.i smell underlying problems..
U shld talk wi him oo and tell him hes battering ur cooch or better still,see a therapist

Anonymous said...

I really don’t think people should attack this woman or assume that she doesn't love/want her husband anymore. The truth is that too much of everything is bad and the "law of diminishing returns" applies to everything.
Besides us women know how the female body works. If we are honest to ourselves, we will agree that it’s not everyday/all the time that our bodies are geared up for sex, especially for those who experience period, pre-period or ovulation pains. No doubt, the lady should do some work on herself to try and meet his demands, but the man should also be more understanding. If he wants sex ALL the time, to the point that they can't have a decent night's sleep - he might actually be a "sex maniac" and might need some therapy himself. What would happen if the wife has to be away (unavoidably) for a while? Would it be right for him to go wild because he can't control his sexual urge? Sex addiction is a real disorder, just like drug or alcohol addiction. If this is the case with this man, then some of the comments I’ve read here are grossly unfair on the woman. Things are not always black or white. Let’s apply balance to our thoughts to avoid bigotry.

marilyn said...

Shes not the kind of woman who likes good sex.She shouldnt complain.At times it could be boring but hey,a good marathon does no harm.bring it on dude,u get it all night long.

Anonymous said...

this sound like one of those write-ins on Ikeba Super! lol!!!

juiceegal said...

Goodness Gracious!!!!...i'm amazed at the level of ignorance displayed in the comments above mine. So the man has automatically become the hero because he has a high libido and the woman, ungrateful cuz she can't keep up. Okay y'all lemme educate you a bit:
''Sexual addiction refers to a phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behavior. It has also been called "sexual dependency," and "sexual compulsivity." The term "sexual addiction" is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.
Now i'm no sexologist neither am i a sex therapist, but from what i've read, the husband seems to be suffering from a sexual disorder. I mean there is having a healthy sexual appetite and there is having an abnormal sexual appetite. This seems abnormal to me.
What y'all should be suggesting is that this couple should both go and see a therapist instead of sitting your ignorant asses down and condemning the woman, calling her frigid and what not. Someone said they think the lady is rather lucky, lucky??? blank fucking stare, sympathising with the man, really?? Basing her love for her husband on this situation,i'm so speechless. Again i'm amazed at the level of ignorance displayed here.

Anonymous said...

she should talk to her husband about it, maybe she is not getting as much from it as she could, and from his description, the guy sounds like he would be keen to 'work' at it. She should do some research first and try to figure out what's wrong, but please oh please she should not give the man the impression that she doesn't like sex, or else everything will go downhill from there

Ms. K said...

so much for not wanting to sound rude...
Maybe,I'm the one who's getting this wrong but didn't u hear Linda say ALL the time,as in morning, afternoon,evening?? It's not a matter of being frigid,abi you guys masturbate all d time ni?? It's not like she's sounding like a mean woman, just someone who wants a break, or is she not allowed to be sore?? Kai!

In other news, how are u Linda??

Anonymous said...

Lmao wtf?!?! I'm just here to say all three of the above commenters are ignorant and have lost their damn minds. You don't deserve the brains with which you thought up those comments. Wtf? Jeez this is freaking 2010 for heaven's sake, not 1881!

ttlolla said...

Young men, have you lost ur minds?
You are saying a woman whose husband decides sex every morning, afternoon and night ( neva ending) nights does not have a problem?
He needs therapy for sex addiction not her the wife who has had to suffer this.
Its sad Nigerian men have not been enlightened, so because she doesnt want to have sex every minute of the day, she does not love her husband?

The husband needs help, u guys need to be informed , women r not sex objects, u shud love nd care for them.
What happened to thrice a week (twice ) is d average all over the world

I feel sorry for the women that will marry ppl like u

Anonymous said...

wow shocked at the comments here especially since they are coming from women.Has anyone thought for a second that maybe the sex might be on the rough side.Of course i would love to have sex with my husband whenever we can but not to the detriment of my being.I think that she should have a talk with her husband and tell him,how she feels and maybe they can work things out.

Dr. Chinedu said...

This is not a problem at all. there are so many women who complain that their husband don't have time to have good sex with them. On this woman's issue, she has to learn to live with it. Nobody can advice her on this issue, she is in position to take any decision she wants.

Anonymous said...

Ok let me get this striaght. Ur husband finds u sexually attractive and ur complaining? Maybe there's more to the story, does he mk u do things ur not comfortable with? are u not enjoying the sex? maybe its just sex without intimacy? wat exactly is the problem? coz having sex with ur husband as many times as a freaking rabbit isnt a problem, but a blessing okay! many couples cant find time for that these days, u know...
Maybe u're the one with an issue, so instead of running away from ur beloved husband that still finds you sexually attractive, talk to him on wat u would like more so u too can enjoy it, or seek sex therapy since u are in Uk, they have that there.
U better appreciate n work with it b4 he tries to satisfy his pleasures somewhere else, coz na u go still cry !

Anonymous said...

You all should not be so quick to judge this lady. Sometimes too sex is bad. I mean come on. Question is, does her husband attempt to carry her along or is he busy banging away ?I am very interested in finding out exactly what the issue is with this "Too much Sex"

juiceegal said...

Dr Chinedu..and u seriously call urself a doctor??? Enough said...Many people here have spoken my mind. I'm seriously wondering why people choose to display their ignorance on the world wide web..smh.

Guccib3ll3 said...

@juiceegal..thank you so much for expaling it..just wat I was about to say

Dith said...

WHOA! Why is everyone bashing the lady?? Get a grip people WTF??
Sex is cool and all but people get tired of it.
A relationship does not revolve around sex. If a man wants it every day, minute, and second, then he is definitely a sex maniac and needs therapy.

Not wanting to hv sex all d freaking time does not equate to her not loving her partner. Habba! Kilode?

Our v-j-j needs rest u know?? Besides the anticipation and longing of sex is often times what leads to great sex. If u hv it all d damn tym, U'll get bored senseless and i dont care how u "spice" it up.

Lady I say talk your hubby and tell him how u feel jare. U guys can try other things instead of going all d way all d time.
Best of luck.

βã∫-ζ said...

Hello Our Dear Wife,
This is unusual situation.. ;) But i will try to keep it short and sweet!!
::: But if your husband loves sex A LOT!, you shouldn't run away/prevent him because things would never change.
Besides lots of women would pay to have a husband like that. So count yourself lucky :)
Suggestions:

1) After a nice intercourse (Not mandatory but he is more likely to listen), sit him down and tell him how you feel and how you intend to handle it.

Create rules: aka handling scheme

2) Tell him each time you tell him that you do not want sex and he doesn't agree that it HURTS you and you want that to STOP. Ask him if he can do that!!?

If NO- I do not think he is willing to sacrifice/tune himself into what you want which in my opinion is unfair.. GoodLuck..

If YES- Great.. Read on

3) Schedule/Create other activities that would keep you guys occupied when it is initial sex time.

4) You should by now know his schedule on his sexual adventure Surprise him one day and give him the good sex.. Do not always make him ask for it..

5) Doing the above will not instantly solve this. it will take some time and effort too.

Don't(s)
Do not paint it on his face and make him feel abnormal e.g by calling him on his way back from work and telling him no sex when you get home!!!

βã∫-ζ

βã∫-ζ said...

Hello Our Dear Wife,
This is unusual situation.. ;) But i will try to keep it short and sweet!!
::: But if your husband loves sex A LOT!, you shouldn't run away/prevent him because things would never change.
Besides lots of women would pay to have a husband like that. So count yourself lucky :)
Suggestions:
1) After a nice intercourse (Not mandatory but he is more likely to listen), sit him down and tell him how you feel and how you intend to handle it.
Create rules: aka handling scheme

2) Tell him each time you tell him that you do not want sex and he doesn't agree that it HURTS you and you want that to STOP. Ask him if he can do that!!?

If NO- I do not think he is willing to sacrifice/tune himself into what you want which in my opinion is unfair.. GoodLuck..

If YES- Great.. Read on

3) Schedule/Create other activities that would keep you guys occupied when it is initial sex time.

4) You should by now know his schedule on his sexual adventure Surprise him periodically and give him the good sex.. Do not always make him ask for it..

5) Doing the above will not instantly solve this. it will take some time and effort too.

Don't(s)
Do not paint it on his face and make him feel abnormal e.g by calling him on his way back from work and telling him no sex when you get home!!!

βã∫-ζ

Anonymous said...

Oh!! Please; I see this has turned into battle of the sexes here. Women get all academic on the discussion and the guys getting all cynical. I personally feel this talk raises more questions than answers. Did the lady only discover her husbands love for sex after marriage or has he had that tendency in a long while now. If the woman had known this much earlier and still went ahead and married him, I feel it is absurd for her to be making these claims now because she knew what she was getting into. Him wanting it everyday all night, thats abit farfetched if you ask me, because I am assuming this is an average family where the man is working, has a long day at work, gets home and would rather have sex all night and then head to work again? Is that humanly possible? I honestly feel there is more to this story.

marilyn said...

I agree with some people.If a man loves wild sex and his woman loves same,there may not b so much problem.But at the same time sex could be boring when a man just mounts you and fuck you till you are sore without asking if you cum or not,and still wants to go on and on.Its possible shes not the "sex kind of woman"lets not be quick to judge.

jumzy said...

OMG there was a time my husband wanted sex everyday just for fun, i simply told him that this cant happen cos it will lose its sweetness when there is no "agro" and just like an everyday routine,

the wife should simply talk to him or maybe she can book a surgery with the plastic surgeon to make her G spot more accessible cos i sense the woman isnt enjoying this sex, neither is she reaching climax, all the best

Anonymous said...

I was reading this book once and it said a study showed that men think of sex every 20minutes while women do so twice a day, now this may be wrong but the point is men are more sexualy active than women. So there may be nothing wrong with this man being sexualy attracted to HIS WIFE, if however he is obsessed with sex then he needs help. The wife should talk to her husband abt her feelins ( i mean is that not the basis for a healthy marriage? Communication ). Then they can make out a plan, say 3times a week but just incase either party gets in the mood then it can be accomodated. But then thats just my opinion.

oc said...

if d guy did this wit another woman d wil say he cheated..nw wit his own wife he married & paid her pride price...he can't ve sex wit her, d way he want..dis really weird...d lady has a funny character....i taught ladies luv sex..wow...bt i guess her case s different...Lol.!
s she a lesbian?

Anonymous said...

I don't believe this story at all. Before marriage he must have showed his sexual interest so why marry him and complain?

He may have to start having secret affairs to satisfy himself or get a second wife. Maybe that's why African men are polygamous. He is young and virile and that is wonderful.

Anonymous said...

@OC... you're comment is the dumbest ..why not just say u paid the birth price for a sex machine, since that wat u've turn ur wife into.I'M A MAN MIND U..

Mrs. Marek said...

Thanks Juiceegal for your very intelligent comments. Too much of a good thing is just that too much! I don't think this woman has a problem with sex on the whole but listen, there is life outside of the bedroom and if this man is also using her has a receptacle, that is an issue as well. There is a different between a healthy appetite and a demand for sex that borders on dependency. The women didn't even say "love making," she said "sex" and in conjunction with the issues of demand, it sounds like the man is just about himself, the sex isn't about a physical expression of their love but more about scratching his itch...I could be wrong but that is what I am deducing from this story. The woman should sit with her husband and discuss her needs as well as his so they can both be on the same page with regards to their sex lives and sexual health. I don't think she is deprieving him and being negligent of her wifely duties but I do think that there is a LACK OF COMMUNICATION between the two of them. If talking does nt work then they need to seek counseling with a certified therapist...not the Pastor, please because this is might be more of a psychological not a spiritual issue. They can go to the Pastor after they have worked her their communication palavers.

Anonymous said...

Too much of something, less of something is a problem, balance is the way to go. Sex is what comes with marriage. I will say couples need to be talking about all of these things, but I do understand that sometimes, there might not be room for it.
Naturally, men are more physical than women, but does not mean women don't love and enjoy sex too, especially when both are satisfied. Women like to be catered to emotionally, but men liked to be catered to physically, so that's why they might initiate and want sex most of the times. So, I will say it's natural for men to ask and want sex more. When a man wants sex in the morning, afternoon, evening, and wants to do it anytime, anyday, he might want to slow it down, control himself, and try to show his affection in other ways other than sex.
My hubby wants to make love than me most of the time, I love and enjoy making love with my babe, but there are times he will ask, and I'm not feeling it, because I want us to communicate, not just sex all the time, hug, kiss, cuddle, and sleep good with no sex involved, because the woman's body can only take so much .
I talked to my hubby about it, that instead of having sex all the time, we can show affection in other ways, and he should try to cater to me emotionally.
I will say he understood, because he started listening to me more( know when to be quiet, bcos men can easily tune out), and we started doing other things in the times, when we would have just had sex, and we still make love a lot of times, I even initiate it sometimes, with both of us feeling good afterall. So, I will say this woman should try to bring other suggestions to her husband, so he won't feel shut down, or go see a therapist, because this might be a problem.

Anonymous said...

OC
Am shocked at your response.... it says a lot about ur level of ignorance. So becos a man has paid a woman's bride price, she automatically becomes his sex object??? Common...and u are in no position to judge her by saying she has a "funny character"and even suggesting that she might be a "lesbian" Gushhhhhhhh. Even if Sex is good too much of it could become boring. I think u need to change ur views about women and sex.For my dear lady pls try discussing this issue with learned professionals.Wish u all the best.Mwah

Anonymous said...

OC
Am shocked at your response.... it says a lot about ur level of ignorance. So becos a man has paid a woman's bride price, she automatically becomes his sex object??? Common...and u are in no position to judge her by saying she has a "funny character"and even suggesting that she might be a "lesbian" Gushhhhhhhh. Even if Sex is good too much of it could become boring. I think u need to change ur views about women and sex.For my dear lady pls try discussing this issue with learned professionals.Wish u all the best.Mwah

Anonymous said...

OC
Am shocked at your response.... it says a lot about ur level of ignorance. So becos a man has paid a woman's bride price, she automatically becomes his sex object??? Common...and u are in no position to judge her by saying she has a "funny character"and even suggesting that she might be a "lesbian" Gushhhhhhhh. Even if Sex is good too much of it could become boring. I think u need to change ur views about women and sex.For my dear lady pls try discussing this issue with learned professionals.Wish u all the best.Mwah

Anonymous said...

my dear i really feel for you, but you see i would die to have a husband like yours.

elsie olson said...

i am a married woman who is thoroughly attracted to her husband.. and has a healthy sex life...and i have to admit the man has serious issues..he is compensating sex for other problems he has...emotional and otherwise..no normal functioning man has sex throughout the day..it is totally absurd...he has literally turned his wife into an object and commodity!!!...he is insatiable and i can swear he seeks sex outside the marriage...he needs therapy and shld go into rehab....guys pls speak the truth u know u dont have sex every day and how much more throughout the day...

Anonymous said...

where the heck is this last guy from? Jupiter? so f!*king what,if he paid a bride pric? was the woman sold to be a sex machine or married to be a wife and partner? Geez if she said she's fed up with his demands then she is, stop flogging a dead horse and find a solution for her,if you don't have any good advice then shut up!

Anonymous said...

where the heck is this last guy from? Jupiter? so f!*king what,if he paid a bride price? was the woman sold to be a sex machine or married to be a wife and partner? Geez if she said she's fed up with his demands then she is, stop flogging a dead horse and find a solution for her,if you don't have any good advice then shut up!

Anonymous said...

My people,
morning, afternoon, evening, night!!!
Haba!! Na he-goat?? Even he-goat dey tire.
I think that's taking it too far. The woman fit get bow leg join sef.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm!!! This is a really deep topic.
Am reading a book Open Heaven by Pastor Adeboye which says it is a sin to refuse your spouse intimacy. if you sexually starve your husband, there will be a room for strange women to fill. I'll advice you to be a wise woman. I'll advice you to talk to your husband if there he'll prefer other option e.g. Blow Job (BJ)or you guys can spice things up like doing it in different area e.g Bathroom, shower or run a bath with essencial oils, light a candle to create a great atmosphere to start with.do something that will put you int the mood.
Finally, ask for an advive from your mentor or pastors wife.
Good luck.

H2Magazine said...

Na correct man.

Dee said...

If the woman were the one with the high sex drive, she would be called a nympho...most of these guys are all talk.Im a pro and know how the boast outside and how they perform inside. it's a blessing dude(the great sex drive) but save it for old age when you'll be looking for viagra.

Anonymous said...

try to make him concentrate on some other thingsthat u do together like watching of films that is not romantic,going on picnic which may tire him.Most of all PRAY about it.things will definitely turn out beautifully well for the two of you.Sex is a thing to be enjoyed.Talk to GOD about it.I love youFROM SUSAN AROSO.MY emailis shekinah2house@yahoo.com

Gypsyz said...

First of all a BIG THANK YOU 2 juiceegal!!(one of the few people that made sense)...im AMAZED by the ignorance...AMAZED!!...i feel sorry for the woman but it's not enough to cry about it online...NOT enough to run away...Her Husband is a SEX ADDICT!!..CERTIFIED...and it's NOT a myth..it's in the same ranks with Drug Addiction and Alcohol Addiction and people go to rehab for each and EVERY one of these things...HE NEEDS HELP!! because ALL OF YOU that say ''if he goes 'elsewhere' he will be blamed also'' WHAT makes you think he's not going 'elsewhere' already??..if an Addict can't get it when it's not there(e.g when she's able to extract herself from him)..HE WILL GO ELSEWHERE!!! Can't you people see that he CAN'T help himself???..she CAN'T talk to him about it!!! except she's a professional therapist..because thats ALL he needs!!...all of you supporting his sickness can YOU go on NONSTOP 24/7 ?? COME ON!!! at some point there is a LIMIT!! ANY human that blames this woman and supports the man is PLAIN IGNORANT!! NO MORE NO LESS!!

Anonymous said...

This is what I think. THE WOMAN NEEDS TO BE FREED FROM THAT MONSTER! YES, HE'S A MONSTER! I'm a guy, and I know that this situation is far from good sex. In fact, at this point I'd call it sex -and - emotional abuse. Sex every damn time can't be that good.. at some point it becomes utterly useless, a burden so to speak. So, IMO the lady should confront this sex beast, and tell him that he should get help or buy an artificial V-j-j so he could hump away to Neverland!

Anonymous said...

Haha, what a dilema!!! I say send him to the bathroom with a magazine hehe, or give him a good head (s'cuse me) somethings must work, if he actually gets some relieve at the time and wants more again it's normal but if he's that persistant then brother needs to go to some sort of meeting... but our lady's got to tell her hubby how she feels, no point running away all the time. i hope she gets to orgasm too cause that would suck. Poor chica, i say if it goes on just go down on him at least you get a rest down there haha

Anonymous said...

Haha, what a dilema!!! I say send him to the bathroom with a magazine hehe, or give him a good head (s'cuse me) somethings must work, if he actually gets some relieve at the time and wants more again it's normal but if he's that persistant then brother needs to go to some sort of meeting... but our lady's got to tell her hubby how she feels, no point running away all the time. i hope she gets to orgasm too cause that would suck. Poor chica, i say if it goes on just go down on him at least you get a rest down there haha

Anonymous said...

FINALLY! And thats why men need more than 1 woman. Don't hold a grudge, they still love you, they just need to have a lot more sex that you can offer.

alfarid said...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?