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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Unmarried friends

When asked by an Encomium magazine reporter what will change about her now that she's married and just had a baby, Maryam, the new wife of dance hall artiste, African China replied "I will keep away from my old friends that are not married and face my family squarely."

When asked "Do you think old unmarried friends will stop you from taking care of your family properly, she replied "Not really, they won't hinder me. I'm just not who I used to be. I don't want to have divided attention from my family. My family comes first now"

When we read things like this, we can't help but LOL. How can you be enlightened and say things like this?

Is there anything remotely wrong with being married and having unmarried friends?

34 comments:

marilyn said...

she said that out of ignorance to please the press.she surely has offended a lot of people. Linda,have you seen SEX AND THE CITY>

Anonymous said...

WOW! FOOLISHNESS. sounds to be like she has some skeleton in her closet o!

Anonymous said...

Her comment does not come as a surprise to me. Its something a lot of married women do despite the fact that they constantly deny it. In her case I think it all boils down to insecurity, especially becos of her hubby's popularity.
I think its just BS to alienate urself from single friends. I realised that a lot of married friends change after marriage. Infact right after the wedding day. Perhaps I will never really know why until I get married. Its almost like a "sin" to be single in Naija at a certain age. The stigma is getting worse by the day. Lord help us.

myself said...

maybe she feels that's what the husband would love to hear.her leaving her unmarried friends and all the other lies that will follow....
she's married now so simple unnecessary lies should give way to reasonable ones, not this.

Anonymous said...

sounds like the anonymous post needs a man. well, i need a woman too but this isn't a dating site so how can we pull ourselves off here? together?

ifeoma odogwu said...

that answer is so retarded. sounds 2 me like she got skeletons in her closet 2

ifeoma odogwu said...

that answer is so retarded. me thinks she got skeletons in her closet 2.

Anonymous said...

well need i say more. just cos she nowseing a few dollars than her single friends, she thinks she has made it t heaven.....god bless u mama and i hope it last

Anonymous said...

ohh 4th, i think its coz they know her former paroles and now she wont want things coming up from her past life into her marriage.

or maybe their gist wont be flowing on a kentro level anymore. They are talking boyfriends, madam is talking husband. She has forgotten they once gave her a shoulder to cry on. its a matter of time before loneliness starts catching up with her

Tokunbo said...

I think that statement came from something deep within. How can you abandon your friends because you are married. methinks she and her friends are up to some paroles that she wouldnt want to continue with, only in that light does it make sense. However, when you marry, some of your friends take a voluntary exit from your life, that happens every time but for those who stick around, why not keep the friendships. Marriage is not a prison, you know, you can still express your self within the confines of moderation. A lot of people have misguided perception about being a different person after marriage,it depends on one's view. The rule is know your limits. I will advise Mrs China to take things easy, those unmarried friends are not as dangerous as some old acquitances whom she still has their numbers in her mobile phone....you catch my drift.I've been on that lane myself,so I understand. There is nothing remotely wrong with keeping Unmarried friends,
At the extreme, would she also keep away from Colleagues because she's now married, it doesn't make any sense my sister. Other things may actually ones time that you almost forget to nurture your friendhips, but you still find a way to keep the flag going.Relationship is a potent currency, we all need it dont we? Life is beautiful, Have a lovely day.

Sean said...

Some times the particular back ground that someone comes from can make one talk in certain ways... for one we really do not know what she was up to b4 she got married or who her unmarried friends are... so Linda dont be too quite to pass a vote.

Anonymous said...

I know her statement sounds ignorant and surprising, but that is the mentality of a lot of Nigeria women even though some of them don't say it, they act it out. Then, when they start having problems in their marriages they start look for the friends they neglected. My believe is that if someone stops being your friend because she got married then you were not friends in the first place, just a crutch. I'm still LOL though.

StandTall-The Activist said...

seriously?

Anonymous said...

I pray the day will not come when you all blasting the Mrs. will have to eat your words. She is married and that is that. You all don't seem to know stuff that goes on between married and unmarried friends. And yes, she is now on a KENTRO LEVEL, so should she apologise for that? Anyway,keep your single friends close, but not that close.

A single woman will have nothing but shadows and dust as advise or what-have-you to offer her married friend(s).

If you need financial investment advise, do you lay your cards out to a bus conductor or a seasoned financial analyst? Just food for thought,people.

Oyinkan said...

I don't think she meant it as harshly as she put it. I would say she used the wrong choice of words.

I take it that most people who gave a long hissssssssssssss at reading her comments are unmarried.

If you are married (and especially when you start having kids), you will find that you have dissimilar interests (no matter how close you were with them) with your single friends.

How one relates to a husband is different from a boyfriend and how one starts to nurse and manage a family is not the same as having a relationship.

We all find that when we are newly married, we tend to stay a lot in touch with our single friends, but this gradually becomes history as the marriage progresses esp if the kind of friends we kept were those that were really into clubbing etc (kind of things married women with families won't necessaily have the time to do).

So please don't frown on her comments, but try to understand her reasoning behind her (not so well put) comments.

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling that all the comments on this blog concerning her simple answer to a simple is somewhat skewed(I am sure most of the comments are from single ladies, even the owner of this blog is a single lady. She is not wrong for feeling the way she feels, that's why we have choices and opinion, and she never made any negative assertion about unmarried ladies.

Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong with what she said and plans to do. She knows the kind of friends she has.

Anonymous said...

To Ms Linda and too all who commented against African china’s wife……..I am really disappointed at your comments, it show that you girls don’t reason before commenting or giving a verdict am not surprise because am sure u all are single and you all plan to get married some day. Linda you of all people shouldn’t have made that comment you made considering the fact that you want to find a good man and get married someday.
Imagine if the tables were turned and your husbands was the one always hanging out with is single friends he spends 50% of his time at home with you and the kids and the other 50% with is single friends let’s see what all your reactions would be? Am sure you girls would be the first to crucify him like they crucify Jesus Christ………………………………..am really disappointed at all your comments

Anonymous said...

She is a proper ORIGINAL BUSH GIRL

Anonymous said...

SHE MUST BE A DAMN BORDERLINE ILLITERATE FOOL.

BETTER REMEMBER THAT YOUR PRECIOUS HUSBANDS HOUSE IS NOT YOUR BIRTHRIGHT..AND THOSE THAT ARE MARRIED TODAY CANBE DIVORCED OR WIDOWED TOMORROW..AND THOSE THAT ARE SINGLE TODAY CAN BE MARRIED TOMORROW.
FOOLISH GIRL...NAIJA GIRLS DEY ANNOY ME WITH THAT YEYE ATTITUDE...

!!Estella!! said...

Very interesting how girls get married and all of a sudden, their single friends become a taboo!

Do people think that there might be single girls who are not desperate to get married till they find the man they know is truly their husband? How many married women married just for marrying sake? Just to become a Mrs, or just to silence 'their biological clock' from ticking to death?
Such comments sound really dumb to me, because in our culture, it is a fact that so many women marry men they dont even love or know, but just to fulfill societal expectation!

Anonymous said...

and those single friends must have been forced to buy 'bridal train wear' and aso ebi for her wedding. bush gyal

tyna said...

Everyone is entitled to their opinions,as for me it doesn't matter single or married a good friend will always remain a friend btw i have loads of single friends remember i used to be single too.

Anonymous said...

@ anon 9.07pm

u are a real olodo.so it is a problem if a man hangs out with his single friends for 50% of d time but will not be a problem if he was hanging out with a married friend.
big fail.
i was once in d car with my dad n his also married who was encouraging him 2 chat up a lady we had just met.
d argument aggainst single friends is stupid.

Anonymous said...

@ anon 11:40 - no need to get nasty. Give your opinion and leave it.

Everyone is entitled to one. If her single frineds find her like that, they too have other friends to hang out with.

Anonymous said...

@ anon 11:40pm. I was also reading the comments- please look before you leap! This thread i belive is about single friends and NOT married friends. All anon 9.07pm said was about married guys hanging out with thier SINGLE male friends...simply reiterating the topic being discussed. Pls read!

Linda, I think you owe AFICAN CHINA and his wife a sincere apology. You don't come out and blast a man's wife in public like that! besides, it's mos't unbecoming of a true lady.

Can you boldly and truthfully tell the world that your consience will be at peace should you meet them at an event, etc?

You are hurting people and that is so, so not cool.Never!

Anonymous said...

@ anon 11:40pm

I am an olodo abi? It would be unwise, for me to respond to your comment and blasphemous statement to my comment, considering the fact that you just proved to the readers of this blogs that your ability to comprehend is at a horrendous rate. Before you make any comments try and understand what you have read before commenting because if you don’t, you just look more foolish than you already are right now.
Ms Linda nothing personal at you but can you kindly please have a topic on comprehension so as to educate your stooges/followers before they throw shots at my comments because next time I would not be so nice

Anonymous said...

@ anon 9.07,this is what we call der (unterste schublade)of lowest niveau.meanwhile who is not sure that u met that man while he was still with another woman 2gether and now ur afraid cos he spends 50% at home and the rest with friends.what a man sows so he reaps.i guess u were born married not as a single.besides why is it that every small thing u people blame linda and is either ur dissappointed or what have u,who even appointed u?abeg leave that lady alone .Afterall this is a free world and everyone is entitled to speak his mind .so pls let her be.insecurity just after how many yrs of marriage?du hast nich mal alle.........arant nonsense!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Most of you commenting are single and depressed. LMAO!

Linda Ikeji said...

@marilyn, no sweets, I havent...the movie u mean?

Anonymous said...

@ anon 11:04 & 9:09 PM

Hey shortie, am a dude and frankly am not married....... so your pointing being i am disrespecting Linda, “no am not”. And based on your last comments if you father’s friends decides to be a dog and pound any female that walks about while his wife is home well that’s their problem. To buttress my first comment do any of you know African China’s wife or her single friends? if the answer is know I believe you all should shut the f*7k up and move on with your life. If she feels that now that she has a family and her single friends would bring grief and problem to her life because you all do not know her friends and what they are capable of Shut the f*7k up again. Let me repeat my comments again and read carefully if put ur self in her shoes you are married and your husband spends 50% of his free time with you and the kids at home and the other 50% of his time with is single friend parading joints, bars, clubs, strip clubs, and doing what single friends tell me you will not have a problem? If you don’t have a problem with that get ready for mistresses all around town sharing your guy with you. capish!
And too Ms Linda sorry once more for my comments

Anonymous said...

this is my 2cent on what Linda wrote and comments. We need to be less judgmental about people. I don't think what Linda wrote is insultive to warrant any apology. she expressed an opinion. What the married woman said shouldn't be taken as an insult, I don't think she intend to bash unmarried women, her statement might have to do with her lifestyle before she got married. I have been on both side of the fence and I understand her point as well as very other person with a different opinion than hers. When you are married, your priority changes and then with child(ren) it is a different story, which some single friends don't understand why you can't hang with them as before. It doesn't nessarily mean they are bad influence. You are just not on same page which can but a strain on the relationship. When I was single, it was hard staying friends with my married friends because we were at different point in our life, but I was glad for good married friends who understood what friendship is all about and kept in touch, involve me in some of their activities and found time to hang with us once in three months for ladies night. It doesn't have to do with insecurity or she has something to hide. In my single days I was wild, I club from Wednesday's nite to Sunday's morning. I could go as I like without putting anyone into consideration. Now as a married woman, I don't have time for most of the things I did back then and I lost some good single friends because we were no longer on same page. I have two single friends who I have be friends with for over decade but I hardly get to see them or else they stop by or drag me to one of their outing. We keep in touch most by phone and I get filled with all the jist of what happening in their life and vice versa.

9ja_Kuti said...

people taking alabukun because of other peoples toothache.

PS: if after you are married, you cant keep any of your non-married friends. it says quite a lot about the friends you keep/kept and about who you are.

PSS: whats the difference between married and non-married? who says a married friend cant help steer marrige towards the rocks?

read more...

Ade Ebimomi said...

Linda asks how can you be enlightened and say things like this? I ask, in response, how can you be enlightened and question the validity of another person's innocently expressed personal opinion? And how can you lay claim to ettiquete and want to laugh out loud at someone else's comment? You owe Mrs China some deserved apologies, Linda...Ade Ebimomi.