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Sunday, September 14, 2008

So What?

I'm in my 30's and I'm not married...so what?

I have been married twice and my marriages didn't work out...so what?

I've been married for five years without a child...so what?

I have five female children and no male child...so what?

My husband left me for another woman...so what?

I walked out of my marriage...so what?

I have a child and no husband...so what?

I'm dating a younger man...so what?

I don't have a boyfriend...so what?

I'm in my first year in the university when all my mates have graduated...so what?

I graduated with a third class...so what?

All my mates drive cars and I don't have one...so what?

You earn more money than I do...so what?

You have a house and I don't...so what?

I lost my job...so what?

I'm not pretty and curvy...so what?

I limp in one leg...so what?

I'm fat...so what?

I like to dress weird...so what?

You don't like me?...so what?

I have an album out and no one's buying...so what?

I started a business and it collapsed...so what?

I have made a lot of mistakes...so what?

I'm not who you want me to be...so what?

I'm not perfect...so what?

So freaking what? I ask you.

How's my life and the way I choose to live it any of your business?

Most of us don't know how to mind our business, I'm guilty of it sometimes, but it's not about the other person now, it's about you.

To everyone reading this today, no matter what your situation is, I hope when people remind you of it, you're confident enough in who you are to say 'SO BLADDY WHAT?'

Despite your circumstances, the bad decisions you made, wrong turns you took, despite your anger, pain and disappointment, despite your failures and successes, despite what anyone thinks or says about you, I hope that when you look in the mirror, you love the person staring right back at you.

I hope you find the goodness inside of you and wrap it around you to protect you from all the craziness around you.

I hope you don't live in regret.
I hope you don't wish you could change your life.
I hope you don't wish you were somebody else.
I hope you appreciate God's work in your life
I hope you discover who your true friends are.

I hope you find that your strength supersedes your weakness.
I hope you find that you've done more good than bad.
I hope you realise that people carrying bad stories about you don't know shit about you.
I hope you believe in your strength and in your truth
I hope you discover who you really are and master yourself.
I hope you realise you only have one life to live and living it to the fullest is the best way to do it.

I hope you face your fears, because that's the easiest way to gain strength, courage, and confidence in who God has made you.

I hope you love the person you are despite what people say is wrong about you.

If for instance you're attracted to men and you're a man, people like me will talk.
I hope you find the strength inside of you to face me and say 'I like men Linda, so what? SO BLADDY WHAT?"

Have an incredible week everyone.
God Bless
L

51 comments:

YankeeNaija said...

Thank you.

Red Sapphire said...

Great weekend i guess....interesting stuff...

Anonymous said...

Exactly Linda, so bloody what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm MADLY in love with a married man....and hope to be his second wife. So wat!!! My happiness matters. What if I'm married to a single man and he beats me everyday, some peeps will say so what! Kini big deal.

c said...

Emmm I was feeling the post till the second anonymous came with her wahala. Na wa, i don't if I am feeling the so what for home-wrecking but to each his own.

Anonymous said...

linda this is beautiful

wendu

Ayomide said...

Linda,
you are soooo inspirational.....

I pray that ur mag receives the recongnition it deserves cos babe...u are TALENT!!!

thanks for this piece uve written...i have been feeling so unlucky becos i tick atleast 3 of the list...married once, walked out on the marraige and no child....i am doing okay career wise...but am realy struggling to keep depression in a distance....not becos am not happy but i feel pple may look at me and judge me....but you know....SO WHAT!!!!
thanks Linda....will love to host you when u come to Toronto.....

Anonymous said...

I am a graduate and am a baby mama to a primary school dropout. SO WHAT.

Paris said...

huh @ anonymous who's inlove with a married man....how did it even get 2 that point?? u know me im an Aproko.
LOL ok o! i guess we'r on a so what mode abi.

Paris said...

i guess Osama bin laden 2 can say "so what i kill billions of pple b'cos they'r not muslims"

everythng that has an advantage almost ALWAYS has a disadvantage.

lol im sorry that comment threw me off.
nice post tho Linda.

de'tente said...

my sentiments exactly linda. nice one

Anonymous said...

Hi,gf(I hope),
So Bladddy What?
I like that phrase and I am going to use it next time someone makes a 'bladdy' statement about my life!
Thanks Linda and I like the new you!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda, so bladddy what! Word up girl; loved ur piece; it was inspirational. Nothing even matters @ d end of d day. Why should I live 2 please society when society doesn't live 2 please me?

WALE said...

INDULGENCE INDULGENCE. so bloody what you asked. i know our people buy everything without asking questions. this is one of those things i dont buy. every human being must ask themselves some powerful soul searching questions at various junctions and stages of life. those that dont are either going nowhere or are mainly spectators.
as for anon (Sept.)14,08 8:58PM sorry to spoil your party many women are marrying single men who dont beat them even in the dream land. note you will not be the last wife and if they have to pray against you or visit babalawo to get there hope you will ask so what! kini big deal. do i still love you linda? big yes and even so what?

Anonymous said...

Gal, that stuff is hot and a real booster to everyone with low self esteem.............keep it up gal!

Anonymous said...

love is blind marraige will open your eye. 2nd wife ko! hope ni!

enjoy it while it last cos wedding is one day marraige is for life

Anonymous said...

Life is about "LOTS OF SO WHATS AND WHAT IFS".

I choose "SO WHAT", or as they say in the UK "WHATEVER"

Have a blessed week ahead of you Linda.

Anonymous said...

@anon:even as you decides to kill the joy of another woman by being a second wife. even if you are the most wicked person so what? no linda it is not done I think there are some things I can comprehend on your page.

Anonymous said...

I think I'm all dat and more! So Freaking what?

Anonymous said...

Linda, I love you but please some of your 'so what'? questions are so not justifiable... I hope you can see that from the response of the 4th comment....

Since when did breaking up someone's home become so what? Na wa oh! Perhaps if you were the wife of that married man... you wouldn't have kept silent on that comment after pasting it...

Is it okay to say, I'm a paedophile, so what? I'm a prostitute, so what?

Girl, some questions are justifiable, some are not?

If you're in your 30's and people are asking why you're not married? Don't so what them...because let us be real... it really isn't so what????

Flowers and Poetry said...

Thanks Linda, you are the best! This was just what I needed to hear, I had a really bad day, someone just kept pressing my "temper button" all day!

Arewa said...

LINDA!! I love this!

allow me to add,

I quit a job i hate, that made me depressed, so what?

I'm moving back to Nigeria cuz i hate the US, so what if Nigeria is not perfect?

So what if i won't settle for someone that is a bad bad fit for me even if everyone is getting married?

So what if I don't believe love comes AFTER marriage?

Great post!!

http://musingsofanaijagirl.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Linda you are fantastic. I am married and fancy my ex.... YEAH RITE SO BLOODY WAT

Linda Ikeji said...

@paris, wale...my so what? is for something we or other people consider as failures in our lives, not for evil things we do. if u kill someone, so what? doesnt cleanse ur soul. but if u leave an unhappy marriage or u fail at a career...then its so what? because as long as u're alive...u can try again.

@anon 8:58, if u consider marrying another woman's husband a failure on ur part, a weakness thats beyond ur control, then its 'so what?', but if u consider it a good thing, a success, then it's 'what's wrong with me?', that's when u need to start asking urself some deep questions...
i hope u find a single man to marry who will never lay a hand on u, there are many of them out there...im sure u deserve that and much more. be good.

my younger sister told me yesterday morning that my former school daughter drives a bigger car than mine...i turned to her and said so what? thats what inspired me to write this, hoping that some of u realise that some of the things u consider as failures in ur lives really aren't failures, and even if they are...SO WHAT???
u have another chance to succceed at it.

sometimes other people's success in life make us feel like failures because we feel we haven't achieved what they've achieved. if the person next to u is more successful, im saying, SO BLADDY WHAT? ...love who you are regardless...do u even know what God has in store for you?

@anon 2pm, if u're in your 30's and ure not married, it's not so what? it's so bladdy what?

seyi (not my real name o) said...

MY TURN..my turn....!!!!
I had an affair with a guy that gave me more attention and love than my husband.....but i chose to end the affair...but still love the memories....YES...SO BLADDY WHAT!

wienna said...

loool...so many secrets are unveiling on this post o.

theicequeen said...

so first of..LOL at all the anons..this is the highest number of anons i've seen commenting on one post!

and then, i have to say that i'm in love with this post and sense that i'll be back over and over again to read it because it does that thing of raising your spirits and making you see that you're not a freak because you've done a few wrong things.and that reassurance is a very special thing!

loved this post, will most definetely be blogrolling and returning!

Anonymous said...

Some people have turned this so what? campaign and perverted it. Na wa. it is not supposed to be a triumph when your actions hurt others. the so what? thing is supposed to be a thing of consolation as in, i have cellulite in my butt, so what? I live with it. It is not supposed to be i am a dropout, so what? If you are a dropout, go back to school and finish it.So what? is supposed to be for the things you have to deal with and mostly cannot change.

Yewande Atanda said...

He married 86 wives, so what?

Linda,
nice piece, very inspirational.

i used to be angry with myself about so many things, but now i've learnt not to worry about them. the truth is that 'nobody is perfect' and 'nature gives what u don't want'; you hav to turn those weaknesses to opportunities.

Anonymous said...

I luv u Seyi for being so real. Some of the pple here are either sad or have serious skeletons in their cupboards. Wat makes some of them think that being married brings happiness? I bet as humans if God says it's ok to have two or even three wives as long as you love and treat them equally...so many peeps will jump at it.

I know so many people who realise they married the wrong person some months after their wedding but decided to stay put bcos of some silly reasons. I know of one who knows there's no spark and there can never be any spark in her marriage but will NEVER leave because of wat society will say.

The man in this case is left with no option than to find solace elsewhere...she does the same.

I know of a couple in their sixties who both admit they stayed together this long because of their kids. They haven't had sex in...wait for this...15yrs!!! And they sleep in separate rooms. But you know wat, they are best of friends. I know, the man adores his wife but they were never in love.

Now tell me, if this man takes a second wife do you think it will cause trouble? Why would you decide to live your life in misery because societal rules say so?

My brodas and sistas, pls let's fix up and look sharp. Our elders say that only you and you alone knows where the shoe hurts. Chikena!!!

adaeze said...

ok...so i dated this "liar and cheat" in my office(yeah! rite now i feel like i was stupid to be with him in d first place, office et al)..we were practically engaged...but it didnt work....and i hear d idiot is with someone else...in d office!!!!

you must imagine how i feel..and what i think every other colleague thinks of me...but yeah! SO BLADDY WHAT??

I made a mistake and dated a jerk!
but so fxxxxxg what????

linda, more of this..
lawd knows i need it!

Anonymous said...

lmao at all the comments. nice one lin. i'm proud of you as usual. love ya loads.

hugs

gloria. xx

Anonymous said...

The things i consider "so what", to are things that are vain. Like if my friend has a bigger car than me, if a friend has a better job than me, if i don't want to be sleeping around with different guys just bcos my friends do it, then it a "So What". It's not so what, when a man likes another man or a woman/man is involve with a married couple. We can't trivialize many wrong things happening in our society.

Anonymous said...

I've had a threesome so bladdy what!!!! Can't a girl try new things???

Bimbe (atlanta) said...

GOD, loads of people are soooooo 2 faced, finger pointing hypocrites!!!.....

Choices are there to be made...and the reason people feel bad about some choices made is becos of peoples judgement...e.g anonymous @5:35am...if a person is a drop out its not a failure...if the person feels comfortable with it....therefore its her choice...you saying that person should go back to school is the fingerpointing judgemental self that needs to hear this: 'So BLADDY WHAT!! Bill gate is a drop out...
Linda clarified the position of things....and babe I am feeling this post sooooooo much

Thanks !

'J' said...

UHNNN.....

okay...I QUIT my job of 8 years in a top Bank!(yardy yardy yardy....)

to go abroad and start a new life....why...

I got pregnant for my boss and refused to terminate it....

...regret the affair in hindsight but was in love...at 23...now am 31...and I have moved on...

dont judge me....otherwise..SO BLADDY WHAT!

chaarly said...

cant imagine linda ikeji in d rest room poopooing. what if she does?? so what!!! i'm crazy about linda ikeji, so what!!!!

Anonymous said...

i'm crazy about linda ikeji....so what!!!!. call me her number one fanatical fan...so what!!!!can't imagine linda ikeji in d rest room "poopooing". what if she does? so bloody what!!!!

princekay123 said...

Linda,

Do you know you have lifted a burden out of my head with this write-up.
I'm presently crazily in love with a babe who is 5 years older than me. My friends are discouraging me everyday, yet I can die for this chic.
After reading your write-up, I forwarded it to my friends and gave them reasons why I feel I cannot leave the lady despite the age gap. They all apologised except one.
I am just happy that at least there is no big deal...So What?

Wild Boy said...

This is tha bomb...however, i wish we would all see from this perspective. The 'so what'..'s supposed to be in response to questions about the errors or 'seeming errors' in your life that you dont seem capable of helping at such points in your life. You probably could have done it better iof you were given a second chance, but you certainly needn't do some stupid thing to prove a right... like you've just been in school while your counterparts are in camp...the most important thing is that you're in school racing for a degree...to that, it should be " so freaking f**king what?" Peace.

bisola said...

he is married and i'm married.we both love each other from childhood and we still do.kini big deal?

!!Estella!! said...

That is DEEEP! Linda.
Good write up!

I just wonder why some people sometimes wanna kill themselves over what they cant change!

Anonymous said...

princekay123...u have liver o....

declaring that with your full picture!!!!!


no shaking....

got back from nija said...

lovely piece i can tell u are a very deep and centered young lady...but i have to say i'm somewhat concerned about those who bcos they dont care about what people will say will then decide they can date a married man and say so bladdy what!!!that was not the essence of this piece...and it is not meant for u... the key point of note is be confident of urself..if u find urself in a dire situation due to no fault of yours hold ur head high....but dont be a menace to urself and society, by being a thief, adulterous, backbiter etc...and have the nerve to say so what!!...if u fall into this category then this piece is not for u....

Anonymous said...

Ok people, LISTEN!! Just jokn... Life is full or ups and downs... who the *%^& are you to judge anyone? If one say she follow married man and that's who she likes, good for her. Im not for datn married men( the mEn in my family r dogs and I see how their wives sufer at home)so I wudnt do it. But I have friends that do. Does that make me better than them? Hell 2 the NO!!!

U need to sit down and put urselves in other peoples shoes sometimes and "neva say neva".

@ Anon 4:05 PM- I aint even mad @ you!!

Anonymous said...

Bimbe, I wonder where all that anger is coming from, so much so that you could not make a point without resorting to childish name calling.
I do not recall attacking anyone personally when i gave an "example" of the things you can change as opposed to the things you cannot.
Bill Gates is an exception, behind every Bill Gates are millions who know and regret that they cannot get back in the game. While formal higher education may not be for everyone, to attack someone else for saying go back to school as being hypocritical makes me wonder about you.
You claim to live in ATL where majority of the black race are struggling and living below the poverty line and most of the succesful ones are the educated ones esp. the Nigerians.

Little girl, I would hate to be your friend, in all your non-judgmental and non-hypocritical self,I deliberately stayed away from the ridiculous so whats? because it is so easy to justify doing the wrong thing,and gave "an example" of a situation that can be changed and that offended you that much?. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

truth said...

A good read. You rock Ms L.

Bimpe (Atlanta) said...

anon @ 9:32pm....

I aint mad at you....however..u still sitting on that high horse...

dont get it twisted...what i am saying is that if someone drops out and he/she is fine with it...then thats their perrogative..so it doesnt matter if stats show that people without educatn lives under poverty line (yardy yardy yardy) ...if she/he is happy ....why then should anyone judge them?!...

My friends will tell u that yes i dont judge nor discriminate....what I do is support my firends on decisions they have made...yes I advise, I wont impose....so 'big' girl....i want to see who ur friends are....
...for your information (not that u asked)...i am a US trained Nurse...

No hard feelings...none given and none taken...

NaijaCougar said...

Im a 37 yr old divorcee and my boyfriend is 25 ...we compliment each other the sex is unbelievable.
I feel alive and so happy ,inspite of the 12 yr difference. Deep down I feel he is heaven sent. nIts unusual but - so what !

Anonymous said...

Tyra Banks did a show a while back cos she was called fat.I wonder if some of the crack heads here (cos some of y'all be smoking sometin') saw that show.Some of our people will justify anything. And we are angry about the older generation.SMH.

Nurse Bimpe - ROTFLMAO - You really do not see the big picture do you?

Me, my father has a big, big, house and we have a lion in the basement.

Kemi said...

Thanks for that piece. That's amazing.