Sincerely? Absoultely not! I carry no grudge.
"To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee"
I'm somewhat confrontational...if you say something about me, or do something I don't like...I will probably confront you...and after that, it's over. I remember talking it over with Tee A and moving past it. I mentioned it because I wanted to sight an example and the incident with him stood out...
"What is forgiven is usually well remembered".
But I'm glad a few of you brought it up 'cos it brings me to what I want to talk about today...FORGIVENESS!
A few weeks ago, a friend who lives abroad called me on the phone to tell me her 8 year old marriage was over. She told me she found out her husband had a serious relationship with another woman. Serious as in...rented a flat for her, bought her a car, spends some days in her house when he had to 'travel' and so many other things...
After finding out, she 'threatened' to leave with their three kids if he didn't clean up his act. Two days after the threat, like he was waiting for a cue... he moved out of their home. A week later she found out he had moved in with his mistress, five weeks later, he filed for divorce.
I was very depressed when she was telling me the story. I could almost feel her pain and anguish through the phone. Then in the midst of tears and wailing...she started saying "I wish him death Linda. I wish him death. Oh God please make him die, that's the only way I can be normal again...he's ruined my life. Someone pls kill him. Pls die...I wish him death, I wish him death, I wish him death". She said 'I wish him death' more times than I could count and it was at that point that I also started crying.
I wasn't crying because her marriage was over...I was crying because she carried a hatred so deep, so raw, so sated, that it will probably destroy her! Her hatred for her husband had taken her to a point of no return..and for a fleeting moment I was scared for her and her children. Her? Because she sounded like her life was over and she just might want to end it. Her children? Because sometimes when we want vengeance and can't touch the one who hurt us, we turn to the next best thing...what they love...in this case...his children!
I have another friend who hates men. When I say hate...I mean Hate with a capital H. Why? She's 30 years old with an 11 year old daughter and a five year old son, from two different men who promised her the world and gave her nothing. Whenever I talk about men, love, sex etc, she tries her damnest to talk me out of falling in love or letting any man touch me or ever getting married. To her all men are evil and she's vowed never to have anything to do with another one for the rest of her life. The sad part is...she's only 30!
...easy to write, easy to spell, easy to pronounce, even easy to say but one of the hardest things to do. Forgiveness is something some of us are incapable of...giving up resentment, anger and a sense of betrayal is almost impossible for some of us...mostly because we think we are entitled to it.
I'm not perfect...oh I'm far from it! There are things I do that I'm not proud of...but if there's one thing I know how to do and do well...it's to forgive! If you apologise to me, I don't care how deep, how damaging or how much I was hurt...I let it go.
About my married friend, I'm sure there a few other married women out there who might understand a little of where she's coming from...the hatred she feels for a man she once loved and who betrayed her. I have been let down...but nothing so deep that I would wish anyone dead, so maybe I don't understand that pain. Do you understand it? Have you been there? Still there?
All of us, at some point in our lives, have been hurt and wounded by the actions or words of someone else. Sometimes the hurt is so great, the thought of forgiving never crosses our minds.
How do you forgive someone who's hurt you so deeply? How do you let go when you're consumed with a hatred that you can't even control. How do you shut your eyes at night and not feel that resentment, that bitterness, that anger towards someone for something they did to you knowingly or unknowingly.
Besides forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. It makes you the bigger, better person.
And like someone once told me...you can never know how much you have been forgiven...until you forgive.
I will leave you with the words of Mahatma Gandhi
If one by one we counted people out
For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long
To get so we had no one left to live with.
For to be social is to be forgiving.
See y'all later