Flamboyant Psychologist - When you're 25 & your Bae is 57

This article was written and Illustrated by "DoktorMofin" The Flamboyant Psychologist. Read below

Is it ok or acceptable for a young lady to date an older man, senior citizen or someone old enough to be her father? This article highlights the reasons, characteristics , justifications some ladies have for dating older men. The cultural and societal views, why some ladies tagged as " runs girls" or " opportunist". Is fair to tag them as these names or can their relationships be based on love?

(1) Maturity ( Chronological Age Vs Mental Age)
(2) Finances
(3)Pressure & competition amongst friends
(4) sex
(5) Sponsors
(6) Love
(7) Rough patch / economy
(8) Trend ( A trait that eventually develops into a behavioral pattern)

(1) Maturity ( Chronological Age Vs Mental Age) : Chronological Age is a measure of an individual's age based on calendar days, months and years I.e an individual's actual age, Mental age is the ability of an individual's mental attainment I.e how smart or intellectual a person is without age being a factor . This being said, a lot of young ladies today attribute their dating older men to Maturity. They claim that they can't date guys/men of their own age because they are immature, self centered and their priorities are misplaced eg all young guys are interested in are buying bottles, champagne in the club, going out every Friday night, sex everytime without intimate conversation. On the other hand older men are more understanding and they can relate very well with them. The mentality of an older seasoned man makes them be themselves and be free.

(2) Finances : One of the major reasons why people frown at young ladies dating older men is because of money. When we see a pretty young lady at the mall or a restaurant with an older man we automatically develop a bad perception about her saying she's a "runs girl", "SideChick" "slut" etc. Is every lady who dates an older man a runs girl? What if the man is single? or divorced?. Obviously there some ladies out there who throw morals aside and are motivated and fueled by money, cars , shoe, designer bags , foreign trips so they don't mind dating someone who is 30 or 40 years older as long as they are living a luxury lifestyle and financial needs are met. I've heard of a story where in a Private University in Nigeria; a girl ( student) stole her friends dads number at night in the hostel to pursue her friends dad for financial needs or recruit him as a "sugar daddy".


(3) Pressure & Competition amongst friends : Studies have shown that women hold their friendships very dearly and are more likely to succumb to pressure by their friends than men. In Nigeria today the competition amongst young ladies for who travels to Dubai, London the most in a year, who has the most Chanel bags, Brazilian hair, iPhone 6, red bottoms, new cars has led ladies to misplace priorities based on the mentality of " if Tola has it I must have it to" . Some ladies get drawn into competitions that their family, parents, husband, bank account or assets can't cope with. As a result of this , they find older men married or unmarried to provide them with these essentials or luxury

(4) Sex : This is very debatable but some ladies who have been with both younger and older men say older men have more experience and "know-how" than younger men in bed. As a result women who are driven by sexual satisfaction may find comfort in an older man. But the irony is that some ladies who claim to be with an older man because of sex and the man is 67 years? How does sexual satisfaction come into play given the physique or stamina or such men. 

(5) Trend ( A trait that eventually develops into a behavioral pattern ) some ladies have been dating older guys from their first boyfriend. A scenario : When Pamela was 16 her first boyfriend was 21, when Pamela was 21 her second boyfriend was 29, when Pamela turned 27 her current boyfriend is 45. Some ladies have never dated someone their mate and don't intend to. They believe only a much older man can handle or cope with them because of their dating track record. 

(6) Rough Patch / Bad Economy :

 "I will find you a job" , 

" I will open a shop/store for your business" ,

 "I will get you students visa" , 

"I wIll upgrade your car"

"I will pay for your hostel / school fees"

These are the many lines and words repeatedly used by older men on young ladies who are going through a tough with no jobs, funds and support to live the lives they always dreamed of.  This is no justification because there are a lot of ladies out there going through hardship and are not selling their body's to make ends meet but these lines are classic in drawing the attention of most ladies going through hard times or a bad economy. In some Nigerian Universities on visiting day some young ladies have about 4 daddies to come visit them. Their biological dad comes at 8am in the morning and other daddies come  later at night with evenlopes of cash and new phones, tickets to Dubai.

(7)Love : A lot of people won't agree under these circumstances which is the age gap between some ladies and their man ( 25 - 55) (23-40) (29-58) . Love is actually determinant factor. A prominent neurologist once said ; love is like a cold no one or age is immune to it . Some couples  who fall under this age bracket may actually be more into each other than a (25 - 32) couple. 

Culture and Society frowns at young ladies dating older men because of the negative outcome of these relationships. Some men involved in these relationships are married and these younger ladies breakup marriages, bankrupt men, or come in as second wives. On the other hand some of these men use these ladies as a tool for different seasons to exploit their naivety. Do what works for you in your own clime, age is just a figure when it comes to affairs of the heart.

QUESTION OF THE DAY : As a parent or when you become a parent ;  Would you allow your daughter date or marry someone 35/40 years older than her?

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