Letter to the Ladies Vol. 11. This article was written by Flamboyant Psychologist Adejoro Olumofin.
(Learn Assertive Training and Diplomatic means with your Mother-in-law)
What is Assertive Training?
This is a Psychological process in which you learn how to
express your views without being rude or suggestive to second or third
party. This being said, the Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law "beef" or
dispute is a Universal Phenomenon which has caused a lot of problems and
ended a lot of happy marriages and relationships. Some of these
disputes have led to verbal abuse, shouting matches, fights over
territory in the kitchen, disagreement over naming of children and even
Physical confrontations between Mothers and Daughters-in-law.
For you to
understand any situation you have to go to its origin, ladies take
note, before you came into the equation, the apple of your bae's eye and
his number one protector was his mother who he showered with love and
affection and then you came into the picture and suddenly all the
attention shifted from his mother to you. This change is a process,
naturally there will be some tension because it takes some time for
mothers in-law to get used to the fact that their sons are no longer
100% theirs and they have to share him, or permission has to be sort on
certain things in his life which they usually did directly or without
question.
Ladies, you need to learn to be diplomatic with your mothers
in-law because you have more to lose than them. Pick your battles, most
times, your boyfriend or husband will take his mom's side if any dispute
arises. Let me also say that no amount of Diplomacy or Assertive
Training will help you if your man is a "Mommy's Boy" and can't handle
his mom or if his mom doesn't like you. Therefore, if you're in this
situation where your man can not defend you or hold your hand, you need
to develop a thick skin, have patience and most importantly PRAY.
Studies have shown that the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship
is one of the most difficult in social psychology and there isn't any
clear cut solution or approach towards this, because the variables
always differ i.e different mothers/daughters-in-law have different
cultural backgrounds, personalities and family structures. Dear Ladies,
may you not fall into a bad mother-in-law situation. However, learn to
adapt to your environment and also learn how to manage such delicate
relationship in a diplomatic way. Dear mothers in-law, with due respect,
I appeal to you to use your wealth of experience to deal with your
daughters in-law in tactful ways, for the benefit of your son towards
maintaining a happy married life..
Read More Articles on Adejoro Olumofins Instagram : @joroolumofin
Email : olumofinj@yahoo.com
Adejoro is also giving out 1500 of his star studded "Doktor" Mofin SnapBacks to his fans and well wishers from February 14 2015..
159 comments:
First. Ib
Hmmm, sense making letter... Thumbs up
Ok
True words!
Dis is just ur own opinion but gone are the days wen husbands used to take their mama's side.
Wen my mother in law tried it with me, I put her exactly where she belonged and my hubby didn't take sides
hmmm.....
God bless U.....is all i gat for U.
Some mother inlaws can be over bearing
Hmmmmmmm
you this guy again...
--------------LIB prince--------------
--------------LIB prince-------------
--------------LIB prince--------------
Okay..seen.
It is "sought" by d way...not sort.
I think both parties should stay within and learn to respect boundaries. Afterall, mother-in-laws too once "stole" their "husbands" from their mothers!!
Very true but women are thier worst enemies..when the son marries some mothers in law want to rule and control but if its thier daughter, they tell her how to control her MIL..if you marry a mama's boy, na one chance you enter...no woman wants to be bossed in her territory...when your son marries, respect the fact that its not your control to tell them hiwxto sleep or eat biko..
Lol why always the "flamboyant" before his profession Lindiway?
Dats. War dat will go on forever
Ok..next
Some mother inlaws have an estate in HELL,especially d patience ozokwor kind of mother inlaws,,, and d writer is very right,d wife has alot to loose if she pass her boundary,no guy will leave his mom for his wife,especially naija guys! Taah,can never happen
NICE ONE...
#Royal Priesthood#
Nice piece ladies need to be diplomatic with their mother inlaws.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
Next post pls...
#Royal Priesthood#
True talk.
$.
$.
@Mr Endowed via Lumia phone
I just love this guy. He talks lotta sense. Keep it up bro, u have a fan here.
What does free cap have to do wt marital advise. Nigerians and their free publicity tactics. Oga gan sit down!
Yea that's y some ladies pray make their mother-in-law dies b4 them enter house but that's not the solution. It has to do with being prayerful and having a lot of patience cos he is right when he should the daughter -in-law. Is the one that has a lot to loss.
I'm so grateful to GOD that I have the best mother in law in d whole world... she's d best thing that can happen to any lady in marriage.
Nice!
Lol. This post does not even begin to capture the problem at all. The mother/daughter in-law issue is an age old battle, its been there for eons and probably won't go away regardless.
well said my brother well said. honeydo
Hmmmmm
The writer didn't mention the way forward
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¤¤¤GUTS OVER FEAR¤¤¤
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¤¤¤QUEEnMAYA¤¤¤
Ok
Realistic Article!!!! Nice Job
Nigerian mother's are witches!!!!! I'm happy you wrote about this.. My friend saw Hell in her marital home. It was disgusting
Congrats Joro!!
Cool Article Sir
Good advice
Nigeria mothers no sabi Diplomacy oo.. See this big fool.. Commot
Very mature way of thinking Busayo.. Nice Job
Good.......
⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥♡thanks ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥
100 Kobo snapback.. Lmaoooo
Fine Boy.. Hehehehe
Nice one! Well said
Beginning 2 like diz dude
Some young ladies have no respect.. This article is one sided pls
Good Job!!
First article that isn't ignorant.. Lol
No Pot Belly issue today..
All na packaging.. Lool Flamboyant lomo
Dead!!
Daughters in-law should possess all d patience in d world if they are to live amicably with their mothers in -law. Its vry possible for peaceful coexistence between the pair. If u want d best from your hubby, then tolerate d mother. If u don't pray for her to be alive when u married her son, then u won't be alive to witness ur own son's wedding. Its as simple as that.
@SOPHIA STEPHEN
Love this!!!!!!!! I've been waiting for someone to speak about this.. Well written Mr Adejoro
Thank you for this
That relationship is very delicate.. True
Biko naija sha.. Why would mother and daughter in law fight? After what?
This guy again.. Mr instagram
Assertive Training doesn't work in naija abeg.. Carry your theory throway
Fresh!!!
Val's day bonanza
Interesting Read!
Excellent writeup...may God help our mothers and daughters.
Olujoro Adebusayo.. Foolish Boy oshi
Well said.
We have heard u oga
Miss indomie says so
This psychopath of a psychologist is paying so much for attention
We've heard.. Thank you! Mr Adviser
Oshi
I believe every words he said.
JESUS CHRIST!!!! My mum raised us up all alone, shes our support system, shes our world and everything we are today we owe to her.
So hell NO!!! Am not having that wedding on that day cos part of the plan was taking alot of selfies and dancing around with her. That day will be a day of mourning all through.
Dear lord please dont let this happen to me ooo...Mum will be with me on my big day and she is sooo taking me to the altar.
Real life talking.. Real life
Daughter inlaw take note.lol
Every naija guy na Mommy's boy.. No exceptions
Lovely Sir
This Ode is the number one Mommy's boy oo.. Lmaoooo
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
This is a class that mums and ladies shld attend.........
»»Says De-Champion««
Ladies gat problems..ya its natural
Everybody wants to be a celeb. Abeg e
Gud of you 4 d lovely messages!
Nawa ,dis na suspense na jst bit around d bush, next told us to go chk some places,is well tho
True talk
Okiie o, u shld try being a daughter-in-law den u go understand. Linda take note!
Wow.. Lovely!!
Nicely written.
An Atom of truth.. Nigeria mother's are very self absorbed and selfish, they should face their husband's instead they will be focusing on their sons marriage.. Nice Article
Joro Nigga raw.. Gbammm!!
U wrote an intelligent article
Wats with the face cap and all
Ur character mr mofin contradicts ur writing
Hence making it unbelievable u wrote all this
Work on ur self first dress and act as matured as ur writtings are if u tend to climb ur psychological career ladder with ease
Nice article
I'm happy for you Joro
Really good.. Nice work!!!!!
Pick your battles.. Love that, so much sense
Well said... I have learnt from thiss article.
On Point!!!!!
Massive!!!!! Mr Dapper
Errrrr..... remind me who this guy is again.
This happens only with Yoruba people.. Igbo mothers are well behaved and mannered..
Nice Job still.. Bless
Who wants this ones cap? Hisss
Ain't gonna hate.. This fellow is coming up. We'll done
Love the caption.. Ghennnn Ghennnn! Rambo Vs Bruce lee
I was initially happy about this initiative but after reading through, I got disappointed.
Why must it be a competition between the mother in law and daughter in law. The mothers should learn to love and let go!
What does Genesis 2:24 say!? Ehn! It was very clear! Not sure what the Quran says, so my Muslim brothers and sisters can help me here. We as Nigerians can be so hypocritical :(
Almost every mother in law thinks the daughter in law "has come to take my son away"!
I have way too much to say about this but I will stop here.
well said....
I Love you..
Excuse me are you Bi?
Amen!!
This is one of my biggest fears.. Mother in law wahala.. Not my portion o.. Amennnn
Amen o Biko
Nice write - up. ..I like
Some mothers are just plain difficult and it is not just about losing their son, they just love making the life of their daughters in law hell! They strive on it!
Chioma Okonkwo you're very silly for that statement.. Yoruba mothers only have drama.. SmH
Awesome piece!!!
Yagaaaaa... Adejoro I don't know you but i love you for this
Bomb!!!!!!
Beautiful way of thinking.. Good job
Are you based in Lagos or PH? We need to talk..
Oloron ma ke e Adejoro
Big ups Bro!!
either this guy is delusional or he has absolutely no idea of what he talks about.
Linda, some mother in laws r so cruel that all u think about when u see them is murder. D best solution that has worked so far is living far apart from them and showing them all the neccessary love from afar. And ladies, pls forget love, if Ï…̲̣̥r̲̅ fiance is a mommy's boy, run for Ï…̲̣̥r̲̅ ϑε̲ãr life. Simple.
Ok o we don hear.
Nonsense
God no give me bad mother in law sha
Yes, nice advice, pick ur battles cos if u decide to drag mat things with her then u end up quarreling all the time, some of them re nice while some are plainly difficult to please
I am in it already u no what mother in law battle can not separate my marriage not now not ever
Wats exactly are u trying to say???
Thank you, you are right. My mum in law is a devil in human form. She is also very well disliked amongst relatives and friends.
Yoruba mother in laws are very troublesome. Believe it or not.
I married a mommy's boy and I regret till today.
Well said
Babe slow down and check the post under which u are commenting
Yes oooo, true talk
I totally agree with you. I've noticed that a lot. You just had a baby and your Yoruba mother in law will never lift a finger to help you. She will be busy trying to find what you're doing wrong and how you're not respectful. ..even with your postpartum bleeding and pains! All my ibo friends enjoy their Omugo because their mothers-in-law are always proactive and supportive with baby seating, cooking and all. Theyou don't break their heads over this nonsense eye service respect that my Yoruba people give
I totally agree with you. I've noticed that a lot. You just had a baby and your Yoruba mother in law will never lift a finger to help you. She will be busy trying to find what you're doing wrong and how you're not respectful. ..even with your postpartum bleeding and pains! All my ibo friends enjoy their Omugo because their mothers-in-law are always proactive and supportive with baby seating, cooking and all. They don't break their heads over this nonsense eye service respect that my Yoruba people give
I second you my sister, Yoruba mothers-in-law are veeeeeeeery wicked! Even the educated ones among them could make your life miserable when they turn Yorurazz on you
sorry I dont agree, men no longer automatically jump to the mother's side in times of conflicts, haba, some of us actually do love our girlfriends, some of these girls are actually proper good girls and cos a woman is our mother dont immediately make her a perfect person or a god, me I dont know how to do eye service, I respect and love my mum but when she is wrong, I tell her she is wrong, dont matter who she is fighting.
Mehnn this post over make brain.. *noted
Living far apart? Does that always work? We live as far apart as you can get, well transatlantic still she perpetuates via views over the phone. All her in-laws don run from her side. Impossible to please. The deal is, I'm okay to loose it really doesn't matter to me. I chose sides and I took life over them matter, make them dey there.
Why so pained!
Dr mofin this is an improvement from your previous article. Keep doing it, u can only get better.
However can you always provide more solution, e.g what can the daughter inlaw do other than bee patient. Thank you
That is ehn, they should face their own marriage and not be prying about in their son s house all in the name of helping out. Mtshew
my dear...thats d nonsense we find ourselves...take their sons to where sef , when u are busy reseting all d rubbish they taught their sons.
My own MIL is a devil incarnate...the woman will smile n laugh with me but will be inciting my hubby against me...imagine her telling hubby not to be telling me everything that he does...meanwhile she was angry with her niece's husband because he was keeping things away from her...i was like ooo, so i fit pain u....
Anyways, im done with pretending, we both know we dont like each other, we are only accomodating each other cus of the common factor we share : my hubby.
No family member likes her....d ones that accomodates her do so cus of d money dey want to collect from her...all d wives in the house avoids her like a plague...
Huuby has told me to stay on my lane and her stay on her own...i have told them..dis is my home, hubby n i make decision in this home, she cant rule and control my home. I wonder sef if she knew better than me, she will still be married now....no man wants her under the same roof....God knows the intent of my heart towards her but if she continues planning evil for me...she will reap her evil in Jesus name
Tell this flabby fool that he is a lair. How can a married woman with a husband expect 100 percent attention from her soon to her? This Y our society is messed up. This is Y men will continue to suffer inferiority complex forever. To flabby psychologist, tell your mother that you have now grown into the man she wants you to be, thank her and beg her to now pay full attention to your father and her marriage. Her marriage did not end because you were born. But if you want to give 100 percent of your attention to ur mama, please don't lisend to the bible; don't marry because you won't be able to cling to or become one with your wife. FYI... it is a man's responsibility to sit his mama down and tell her he wants to marry and when he does, his attention to mama will decrease or diminish. Stop putting all marriage responsibilities on women. Gosh, what all yall good for besides penis.
Not all u said is true bro **DOPEY SAID SO**
Abeg joro, take several seats back. I hope you have finished psychoanalysing your self before spewing rubbishbfrom your mouth. Asewo oshi, hope you habe stopped buying postinor 2 for all the random flings that you have. Psychologist my ass!
Ok
True
@gracie offor, really??? Good that it works for you. One man's meat maybe another man's death trap. Not all mother-inlaws are daft, some could just be looking out for a thing to use against you. Cool but not so cool an advice by "doktor". I wonder if this is from experience?
Take your personal beef elsewhere biko.
Errrrr. ...A psychologist!
can you stop referring to him as flambuoyant psychologist. it is becoming cliche
Good one.
Thank you Chi. A mother in law wants to rule in her son's home but teaches her daughter to rule in her own home. It is a very frustrating dynamic. I teaching my daughters not to marry a man who cannot respectfully stand up to his mother. Your husband should support you in the public eye. You can disagree behind closed doors.
Joro Joro Joro. Which kind abe igi psychologist you be? hahaha. I think is it very disgraceful that a psychologist used the word 'PRAY'! It is comparable to a GP telling you to use traditional medicine to treat an ailment (unless you refer to countries like ours that believe in diabolical powers)as doctors strongly believe in the power of science and the fact that they have the answer to everything. He keeps writing the obvious shy of any new perspective or thought-provoking opinion. Dokita Mofin, take several seats and think deep.
This Yoruba nigga shud pack one side Abeg... He should write a topic for us about why he's still single and sleeping around with all the single girls on Instagram ... Psychologist my foot
Bonario and Onyx please take note, it's *Mothers-in-law*.
Linda This is your bf admit it....stylishly tryna make him a celebrity (NOBADBELLE..)
Spotted another well dressed guy that likes to pose and take selfies like ladies do. True definition of someone in touch with he's feminine side, in other words he got Gay mannerism. I'm sure he's married to a man in d usa
Fortunately, joro, as much as I love the topic of this article, unfortunately, you have missed out a lot of key points in regards to this MIL and dIL relationship.
What about MiL's that are using jazz on their sons to be able to control who he dates/marries?
Trust me...some women are pure gold to a man. Unfortunately, due to the jazzy MIL who sniffs that her wicked ways will be revealed through the gold wife...begins to look for every way to get rid of her
How do you tell your man that his mum is a witch and out to destroy his life without him trying to get rid of you as the gold wife? In turn, she has caused a beautiful and successful marriage or relationship to go down the drain...and yes, some mothers are out to destroy their sons as they have used them as covenants in their devilish world. Some, it's just to flex the power and hold they have over their sons.
It's either one of two things...either the guy loves you enough to fight for you if he's spiritually strong enough or he let's go because his mother has reigned enough curses on him forbidding the relationship, to last several generations to come.
As the golden babe, you decide to stay God fearing and be praying along with the patience. Remember, the golden girl could turn into a witch too just to fight the MIL.
Going the prayer route...you dream, you have visions, you're told left right and centre that this is your husband but his mum doesn't want to make life easy for you and the only time you'd enjoy each other is if she's dead. Tell me why you wouldn't be praying for her death every second of the day?
Yes, the aspect is there that that means the female siblings don't get to have their mother at their weddings etc. but what will it profit every one to have an evil MIL alive?
What about the MIL's you appeal to with gifts, patience, kindness and love and still chose to have a heart of stone?
When the son eventually becomes a wreck due to his mothers actions, poor and lonely, what say you then, joro?
Some would ask...shouldn't the guy know by now that his mother is the one "doing him?" Maybe not...depends on the intensity of the jazz which is probably being topped up regularly
You also have the aspect of girls who use jazz to tie a guy down for whatever reason. In this instance, a mothers instinct or research will automatically turn on operation "chase out" by the MIL.
Some mothers...the only reason why they are nasty is because the daughter was out of order ONCE and find it very hard to forgive but yet, claim to be a Christian around town rather than to correct in love.
Some MIL's are not interested in their own marriages because they've turned their husbands into a mugu. So anything she says goes.
There are many more aspects joro. This volume will need several sub articles to help the real ladies out there. A lot of men end up marrying a woman who has pretended to be quiet till she gets into the home. Not all can be like that.
THANK YOU!!! Was thinking the exact same thing. That's the Nigerian in him.
How does his dressing his dressing counter his write-up. How else do u want him 2 dress biko???????
Fortunately, joro, as much as I love the topic of this article, unfortunately, you have missed out a lot of key points in regards to this MIL and dIL relationship.
What about MiL's that are using jazz on their sons to be able to control who he dates/marries?
Trust me...some women are pure gold to a man. Unfortunately, due to the jazzy MIL who sniffs that her wicked ways will be revealed through the gold wife...begins to look for every way to get rid of her
How do you tell your man that his mum is a witch and out to destroy his life without him trying to get rid of you as the gold wife? In turn, she has caused a beautiful and successful marriage or relationship to go down the drain...and yes, some mothers are out to destroy their sons as they have used them as covenants in their devilish world. Some, it's just to flex the power and hold they have over their sons.
It's either one of two things...either the guy loves you enough to fight for you if he's spiritually strong enough or he let's go because his mother has reigned enough curses on him forbidding the relationship, to last several generations to come.
As the golden babe, you decide to stay God fearing and be praying along with the patience. Remember, the golden girl could turn into a witch too just to fight the MIL.
Going the prayer route...you dream, you have visions, you're told left right and centre that this is your husband but his mum doesn't want to make life easy for you and the only time you'd enjoy each other is if she's dead. Tell me why you wouldn't be praying for her death every second of the day?
Yes, the aspect is there that that means the female siblings don't get to have their mother at their weddings etc. but what will it profit every one to have an evil MIL alive?
What about the MIL's you appeal to with gifts, patience, kindness and love and still chose to have a heart of stone?
When the son eventually becomes a wreck due to his mothers actions, poor and lonely, what say you then, joro?
Some would ask...shouldn't the guy know by now that his mother is the one "doing him?" Maybe not...depends on the intensity of the jazz which is probably being topped up regularly
You also have the aspect of girls who use jazz to tie a guy down for whatever reason. In this instance, a mothers instinct or research will automatically turn on operation "chase out" by the MIL.
Some mothers...the only reason why they are nasty is because the daughter was out of order ONCE and find it very hard to forgive but yet, claim to be a Christian around town rather than to correct in love.
Some MIL's are not interested in their own marriages because they've turned their husbands into a mugu. So anything she says goes.
There are many more aspects joro. This volume will need several sub articles to help the real ladies out there. A lot of men end up marrying a woman who has pretended to be quiet till she gets into the home. Not all can be like that.
I can totally relate to this. Very wicked souls. They dont help you with omuguo yet they fight to be the one to come look after baby. They want to control their son's home, yet they have their son in law under their arm. The uneducated are worse. Talking from experience
Hmmm,honestly after going through the comments here I can't help but agree in totality with the Igbo adage which says dat"ihe di be oke di be ogini" which I can interpret to mean that we have similar cases of MIL/DIL wahala almost evrwhr, I could go on and on,but will rest my case for now.
Hmmm,honestly after going through the comments here I can't help but agree in totality with the Igbo adage which says dat"ihe di be oke di be ogini" which I can interpret to mean that we have similar cases of MIL/DIL wahala almost evrwhr, I could go on and on,but will rest my case for now.
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