Letter to the Ladies Vol. 11. This article was written by Flamboyant Psychologist Adejoro Olumofin.
(Learn Assertive Training and Diplomatic means with your Mother-in-law)
What is Assertive Training?
This is a Psychological process in which you learn how to
express your views without being rude or suggestive to second or third
party. This being said, the Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law "beef" or
dispute is a Universal Phenomenon which has caused a lot of problems and
ended a lot of happy marriages and relationships. Some of these
disputes have led to verbal abuse, shouting matches, fights over
territory in the kitchen, disagreement over naming of children and even
Physical confrontations between Mothers and Daughters-in-law.
For you to
understand any situation you have to go to its origin, ladies take
note, before you came into the equation, the apple of your bae's eye and
his number one protector was his mother who he showered with love and
affection and then you came into the picture and suddenly all the
attention shifted from his mother to you. This change is a process,
naturally there will be some tension because it takes some time for
mothers in-law to get used to the fact that their sons are no longer
100% theirs and they have to share him, or permission has to be sort on
certain things in his life which they usually did directly or without
question.
Ladies, you need to learn to be diplomatic with your mothers
in-law because you have more to lose than them. Pick your battles, most
times, your boyfriend or husband will take his mom's side if any dispute
arises. Let me also say that no amount of Diplomacy or Assertive
Training will help you if your man is a "Mommy's Boy" and can't handle
his mom or if his mom doesn't like you. Therefore, if you're in this
situation where your man can not defend you or hold your hand, you need
to develop a thick skin, have patience and most importantly PRAY.
Studies have shown that the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship
is one of the most difficult in social psychology and there isn't any
clear cut solution or approach towards this, because the variables
always differ i.e different mothers/daughters-in-law have different
cultural backgrounds, personalities and family structures. Dear Ladies,
may you not fall into a bad mother-in-law situation. However, learn to
adapt to your environment and also learn how to manage such delicate
relationship in a diplomatic way. Dear mothers in-law, with due respect,
I appeal to you to use your wealth of experience to deal with your
daughters in-law in tactful ways, for the benefit of your son towards
maintaining a happy married life..
Read More Articles on Adejoro Olumofins Instagram : @joroolumofin
Email : olumofinj@yahoo.com
Adejoro is also giving out 1500 of his star studded "Doktor" Mofin SnapBacks to his fans and well wishers from February 14 2015..
First. Ib
ReplyDeleteOk
DeleteSpotted another well dressed guy that likes to pose and take selfies like ladies do. True definition of someone in touch with he's feminine side, in other words he got Gay mannerism. I'm sure he's married to a man in d usa
DeleteFortunately, joro, as much as I love the topic of this article, unfortunately, you have missed out a lot of key points in regards to this MIL and dIL relationship.
DeleteWhat about MiL's that are using jazz on their sons to be able to control who he dates/marries?
Trust me...some women are pure gold to a man. Unfortunately, due to the jazzy MIL who sniffs that her wicked ways will be revealed through the gold wife...begins to look for every way to get rid of her
How do you tell your man that his mum is a witch and out to destroy his life without him trying to get rid of you as the gold wife? In turn, she has caused a beautiful and successful marriage or relationship to go down the drain...and yes, some mothers are out to destroy their sons as they have used them as covenants in their devilish world. Some, it's just to flex the power and hold they have over their sons.
It's either one of two things...either the guy loves you enough to fight for you if he's spiritually strong enough or he let's go because his mother has reigned enough curses on him forbidding the relationship, to last several generations to come.
As the golden babe, you decide to stay God fearing and be praying along with the patience. Remember, the golden girl could turn into a witch too just to fight the MIL.
Going the prayer route...you dream, you have visions, you're told left right and centre that this is your husband but his mum doesn't want to make life easy for you and the only time you'd enjoy each other is if she's dead. Tell me why you wouldn't be praying for her death every second of the day?
Yes, the aspect is there that that means the female siblings don't get to have their mother at their weddings etc. but what will it profit every one to have an evil MIL alive?
What about the MIL's you appeal to with gifts, patience, kindness and love and still chose to have a heart of stone?
When the son eventually becomes a wreck due to his mothers actions, poor and lonely, what say you then, joro?
Some would ask...shouldn't the guy know by now that his mother is the one "doing him?" Maybe not...depends on the intensity of the jazz which is probably being topped up regularly
You also have the aspect of girls who use jazz to tie a guy down for whatever reason. In this instance, a mothers instinct or research will automatically turn on operation "chase out" by the MIL.
Some mothers...the only reason why they are nasty is because the daughter was out of order ONCE and find it very hard to forgive but yet, claim to be a Christian around town rather than to correct in love.
Some MIL's are not interested in their own marriages because they've turned their husbands into a mugu. So anything she says goes.
There are many more aspects joro. This volume will need several sub articles to help the real ladies out there. A lot of men end up marrying a woman who has pretended to be quiet till she gets into the home. Not all can be like that.
Hmmm, sense making letter... Thumbs up
ReplyDeleteMehnn this post over make brain.. *noted
DeleteOk
ReplyDeleteTrue words!
ReplyDeleteDis is just ur own opinion but gone are the days wen husbands used to take their mama's side.
ReplyDeleteWen my mother in law tried it with me, I put her exactly where she belonged and my hubby didn't take sides
@gracie offor, really??? Good that it works for you. One man's meat maybe another man's death trap. Not all mother-inlaws are daft, some could just be looking out for a thing to use against you. Cool but not so cool an advice by "doktor". I wonder if this is from experience?
Deletehmmm.....
ReplyDeleteGod bless U.....is all i gat for U.
ReplyDeleteSome mother inlaws can be over bearing
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteyou this guy again...
ReplyDelete--------------LIB prince--------------
--------------LIB prince-------------
--------------LIB prince--------------
Okay..seen.
ReplyDeleteIt is "sought" by d way...not sort.
I think both parties should stay within and learn to respect boundaries. Afterall, mother-in-laws too once "stole" their "husbands" from their mothers!!
Very true but women are thier worst enemies..when the son marries some mothers in law want to rule and control but if its thier daughter, they tell her how to control her MIL..if you marry a mama's boy, na one chance you enter...no woman wants to be bossed in her territory...when your son marries, respect the fact that its not your control to tell them hiwxto sleep or eat biko..
ReplyDeleteThank you Chi. A mother in law wants to rule in her son's home but teaches her daughter to rule in her own home. It is a very frustrating dynamic. I teaching my daughters not to marry a man who cannot respectfully stand up to his mother. Your husband should support you in the public eye. You can disagree behind closed doors.
DeleteLol why always the "flamboyant" before his profession Lindiway?
ReplyDeleteDats. War dat will go on forever
ReplyDeleteOk..next
ReplyDeleteSome mother inlaws have an estate in HELL,especially d patience ozokwor kind of mother inlaws,,, and d writer is very right,d wife has alot to loose if she pass her boundary,no guy will leave his mom for his wife,especially naija guys! Taah,can never happen
ReplyDeleteNICE ONE...
ReplyDelete#Royal Priesthood#
Nice piece ladies need to be diplomatic with their mother inlaws.
ReplyDelete~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
Bonario and Onyx please take note, it's *Mothers-in-law*.
DeleteNext post pls...
ReplyDelete#Royal Priesthood#
True talk.
ReplyDelete$.
$.
@Mr Endowed via Lumia phone
I just love this guy. He talks lotta sense. Keep it up bro, u have a fan here.
ReplyDeleteWhat does free cap have to do wt marital advise. Nigerians and their free publicity tactics. Oga gan sit down!
ReplyDeleteYea that's y some ladies pray make their mother-in-law dies b4 them enter house but that's not the solution. It has to do with being prayerful and having a lot of patience cos he is right when he should the daughter -in-law. Is the one that has a lot to loss.
ReplyDeleteI'm so grateful to GOD that I have the best mother in law in d whole world... she's d best thing that can happen to any lady in marriage.
ReplyDeleteNice!
ReplyDeleteLol. This post does not even begin to capture the problem at all. The mother/daughter in-law issue is an age old battle, its been there for eons and probably won't go away regardless.
ReplyDeletewell said my brother well said. honeydo
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe writer didn't mention the way forward
ReplyDelete¤
¤¤¤GUTS OVER FEAR¤¤¤
¤
¤¤¤QUEEnMAYA¤¤¤
ReplyDeleteOk
Realistic Article!!!! Nice Job
ReplyDeleteNigerian mother's are witches!!!!! I'm happy you wrote about this.. My friend saw Hell in her marital home. It was disgusting
ReplyDeleteCongrats Joro!!
ReplyDeleteCool Article Sir
ReplyDeleteGood advice
ReplyDeleteNigeria mothers no sabi Diplomacy oo.. See this big fool.. Commot
ReplyDeleteVery mature way of thinking Busayo.. Nice Job
ReplyDeleteGood.......
ReplyDelete⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥♡thanks ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥
100 Kobo snapback.. Lmaoooo
ReplyDeleteFine Boy.. Hehehehe
ReplyDeleteNice one! Well said
ReplyDeleteBeginning 2 like diz dude
ReplyDeleteSome young ladies have no respect.. This article is one sided pls
ReplyDeleteGood Job!!
ReplyDeleteFirst article that isn't ignorant.. Lol
ReplyDeleteNo Pot Belly issue today..
ReplyDeleteAll na packaging.. Lool Flamboyant lomo
ReplyDeleteDead!!
ReplyDeleteDaughters in-law should possess all d patience in d world if they are to live amicably with their mothers in -law. Its vry possible for peaceful coexistence between the pair. If u want d best from your hubby, then tolerate d mother. If u don't pray for her to be alive when u married her son, then u won't be alive to witness ur own son's wedding. Its as simple as that.
ReplyDelete@SOPHIA STEPHEN
Love this!!!!!!!! I've been waiting for someone to speak about this.. Well written Mr Adejoro
ReplyDeleteThank you for this
ReplyDeleteThat relationship is very delicate.. True
ReplyDeleteBiko naija sha.. Why would mother and daughter in law fight? After what?
ReplyDeleteThis guy again.. Mr instagram
ReplyDeleteAssertive Training doesn't work in naija abeg.. Carry your theory throway
ReplyDeleteFresh!!!
ReplyDeleteVal's day bonanza
ReplyDeleteInteresting Read!
ReplyDeleteExcellent writeup...may God help our mothers and daughters.
ReplyDeleteOlujoro Adebusayo.. Foolish Boy oshi
ReplyDeleteWhy so pained!
DeleteDr mofin this is an improvement from your previous article. Keep doing it, u can only get better.
However can you always provide more solution, e.g what can the daughter inlaw do other than bee patient. Thank you
Take your personal beef elsewhere biko.
DeleteWell said.
ReplyDeleteWe have heard u oga
ReplyDeleteMiss indomie says so
This psychopath of a psychologist is paying so much for attention
ReplyDeleteWe've heard.. Thank you! Mr Adviser
ReplyDeleteOshi
ReplyDeleteI believe every words he said.
ReplyDeleteJESUS CHRIST!!!! My mum raised us up all alone, shes our support system, shes our world and everything we are today we owe to her.
ReplyDeleteSo hell NO!!! Am not having that wedding on that day cos part of the plan was taking alot of selfies and dancing around with her. That day will be a day of mourning all through.
Dear lord please dont let this happen to me ooo...Mum will be with me on my big day and she is sooo taking me to the altar.
Babe slow down and check the post under which u are commenting
DeleteReal life talking.. Real life
ReplyDeleteYes oooo, true talk
DeleteDaughter inlaw take note.lol
ReplyDeleteEvery naija guy na Mommy's boy.. No exceptions
ReplyDeleteLovely Sir
ReplyDeleteThis Ode is the number one Mommy's boy oo.. Lmaoooo
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThis is a class that mums and ladies shld attend.........
»»Says De-Champion««
Ladies gat problems..ya its natural
ReplyDeleteEverybody wants to be a celeb. Abeg e
ReplyDeleteGud of you 4 d lovely messages!
ReplyDeleteNawa ,dis na suspense na jst bit around d bush, next told us to go chk some places,is well tho
ReplyDeleteTrue talk
ReplyDeleteOkiie o, u shld try being a daughter-in-law den u go understand. Linda take note!
ReplyDeleteWow.. Lovely!!
ReplyDeleteNicely written.
ReplyDeleteAn Atom of truth.. Nigeria mother's are very self absorbed and selfish, they should face their husband's instead they will be focusing on their sons marriage.. Nice Article
ReplyDeleteThat is ehn, they should face their own marriage and not be prying about in their son s house all in the name of helping out. Mtshew
DeleteJoro Nigga raw.. Gbammm!!
ReplyDeleteU wrote an intelligent article
ReplyDeleteWats with the face cap and all
Ur character mr mofin contradicts ur writing
Hence making it unbelievable u wrote all this
Work on ur self first dress and act as matured as ur writtings are if u tend to climb ur psychological career ladder with ease
Nice article
I'm happy for you Joro
ReplyDeleteReally good.. Nice work!!!!!
ReplyDeletePick your battles.. Love that, so much sense
ReplyDeleteWell said... I have learnt from thiss article.
ReplyDeleteOn Point!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMassive!!!!! Mr Dapper
ReplyDeleteErrrrr..... remind me who this guy is again.
ReplyDeleteErrrrr. ...A psychologist!
DeleteThis happens only with Yoruba people.. Igbo mothers are well behaved and mannered..
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. I've noticed that a lot. You just had a baby and your Yoruba mother in law will never lift a finger to help you. She will be busy trying to find what you're doing wrong and how you're not respectful. ..even with your postpartum bleeding and pains! All my ibo friends enjoy their Omugo because their mothers-in-law are always proactive and supportive with baby seating, cooking and all. Theyou don't break their heads over this nonsense eye service respect that my Yoruba people give
DeleteI totally agree with you. I've noticed that a lot. You just had a baby and your Yoruba mother in law will never lift a finger to help you. She will be busy trying to find what you're doing wrong and how you're not respectful. ..even with your postpartum bleeding and pains! All my ibo friends enjoy their Omugo because their mothers-in-law are always proactive and supportive with baby seating, cooking and all. They don't break their heads over this nonsense eye service respect that my Yoruba people give
DeleteI second you my sister, Yoruba mothers-in-law are veeeeeeeery wicked! Even the educated ones among them could make your life miserable when they turn Yorurazz on you
DeleteI can totally relate to this. Very wicked souls. They dont help you with omuguo yet they fight to be the one to come look after baby. They want to control their son's home, yet they have their son in law under their arm. The uneducated are worse. Talking from experience
DeleteNice Job still.. Bless
ReplyDeleteWho wants this ones cap? Hisss
ReplyDeleteAin't gonna hate.. This fellow is coming up. We'll done
ReplyDeleteLove the caption.. Ghennnn Ghennnn! Rambo Vs Bruce lee
ReplyDeleteI was initially happy about this initiative but after reading through, I got disappointed.
ReplyDeleteWhy must it be a competition between the mother in law and daughter in law. The mothers should learn to love and let go!
What does Genesis 2:24 say!? Ehn! It was very clear! Not sure what the Quran says, so my Muslim brothers and sisters can help me here. We as Nigerians can be so hypocritical :(
Almost every mother in law thinks the daughter in law "has come to take my son away"!
I have way too much to say about this but I will stop here.
Thank you, you are right. My mum in law is a devil in human form. She is also very well disliked amongst relatives and friends.
Deletemy dear...thats d nonsense we find ourselves...take their sons to where sef , when u are busy reseting all d rubbish they taught their sons.
DeleteMy own MIL is a devil incarnate...the woman will smile n laugh with me but will be inciting my hubby against me...imagine her telling hubby not to be telling me everything that he does...meanwhile she was angry with her niece's husband because he was keeping things away from her...i was like ooo, so i fit pain u....
Anyways, im done with pretending, we both know we dont like each other, we are only accomodating each other cus of the common factor we share : my hubby.
No family member likes her....d ones that accomodates her do so cus of d money dey want to collect from her...all d wives in the house avoids her like a plague...
Huuby has told me to stay on my lane and her stay on her own...i have told them..dis is my home, hubby n i make decision in this home, she cant rule and control my home. I wonder sef if she knew better than me, she will still be married now....no man wants her under the same roof....God knows the intent of my heart towards her but if she continues planning evil for me...she will reap her evil in Jesus name
well said....
ReplyDeleteI Love you..
ReplyDeleteExcuse me are you Bi?
ReplyDeleteAmen!!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my biggest fears.. Mother in law wahala.. Not my portion o.. Amennnn
ReplyDeleteAmen o Biko
ReplyDeleteNice write - up. ..I like
ReplyDeleteYes, nice advice, pick ur battles cos if u decide to drag mat things with her then u end up quarreling all the time, some of them re nice while some are plainly difficult to please
DeleteSome mothers are just plain difficult and it is not just about losing their son, they just love making the life of their daughters in law hell! They strive on it!
ReplyDeleteChioma Okonkwo you're very silly for that statement.. Yoruba mothers only have drama.. SmH
ReplyDeleteYoruba mother in laws are very troublesome. Believe it or not.
DeleteAwesome piece!!!
ReplyDeleteYagaaaaa... Adejoro I don't know you but i love you for this
ReplyDeleteBomb!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful way of thinking.. Good job
ReplyDeleteAre you based in Lagos or PH? We need to talk..
ReplyDeleteOloron ma ke e Adejoro
ReplyDeleteBig ups Bro!!
ReplyDeleteeither this guy is delusional or he has absolutely no idea of what he talks about.
ReplyDeleteWats exactly are u trying to say???
DeleteLinda, some mother in laws r so cruel that all u think about when u see them is murder. D best solution that has worked so far is living far apart from them and showing them all the neccessary love from afar. And ladies, pls forget love, if υ̲̣̥r̲̅ fiance is a mommy's boy, run for υ̲̣̥r̲̅ ϑε̲ãr life. Simple.
ReplyDeleteI married a mommy's boy and I regret till today.
DeleteLiving far apart? Does that always work? We live as far apart as you can get, well transatlantic still she perpetuates via views over the phone. All her in-laws don run from her side. Impossible to please. The deal is, I'm okay to loose it really doesn't matter to me. I chose sides and I took life over them matter, make them dey there.
DeleteOk o we don hear.
ReplyDeleteNonsense
ReplyDeleteGod no give me bad mother in law sha
ReplyDeleteI am in it already u no what mother in law battle can not separate my marriage not now not ever
ReplyDeleteWell said
ReplyDeletesorry I dont agree, men no longer automatically jump to the mother's side in times of conflicts, haba, some of us actually do love our girlfriends, some of these girls are actually proper good girls and cos a woman is our mother dont immediately make her a perfect person or a god, me I dont know how to do eye service, I respect and love my mum but when she is wrong, I tell her she is wrong, dont matter who she is fighting.
ReplyDeleteTell this flabby fool that he is a lair. How can a married woman with a husband expect 100 percent attention from her soon to her? This Y our society is messed up. This is Y men will continue to suffer inferiority complex forever. To flabby psychologist, tell your mother that you have now grown into the man she wants you to be, thank her and beg her to now pay full attention to your father and her marriage. Her marriage did not end because you were born. But if you want to give 100 percent of your attention to ur mama, please don't lisend to the bible; don't marry because you won't be able to cling to or become one with your wife. FYI... it is a man's responsibility to sit his mama down and tell her he wants to marry and when he does, his attention to mama will decrease or diminish. Stop putting all marriage responsibilities on women. Gosh, what all yall good for besides penis.
ReplyDeleteNot all u said is true bro **DOPEY SAID SO**
ReplyDeleteAbeg joro, take several seats back. I hope you have finished psychoanalysing your self before spewing rubbishbfrom your mouth. Asewo oshi, hope you habe stopped buying postinor 2 for all the random flings that you have. Psychologist my ass!
ReplyDeleteTrue
ReplyDeletecan you stop referring to him as flambuoyant psychologist. it is becoming cliche
ReplyDeleteGood one.
ReplyDeleteJoro Joro Joro. Which kind abe igi psychologist you be? hahaha. I think is it very disgraceful that a psychologist used the word 'PRAY'! It is comparable to a GP telling you to use traditional medicine to treat an ailment (unless you refer to countries like ours that believe in diabolical powers)as doctors strongly believe in the power of science and the fact that they have the answer to everything. He keeps writing the obvious shy of any new perspective or thought-provoking opinion. Dokita Mofin, take several seats and think deep.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!!! Was thinking the exact same thing. That's the Nigerian in him.
DeleteThis Yoruba nigga shud pack one side Abeg... He should write a topic for us about why he's still single and sleeping around with all the single girls on Instagram ... Psychologist my foot
ReplyDeleteLinda This is your bf admit it....stylishly tryna make him a celebrity (NOBADBELLE..)
ReplyDeleteFortunately, joro, as much as I love the topic of this article, unfortunately, you have missed out a lot of key points in regards to this MIL and dIL relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhat about MiL's that are using jazz on their sons to be able to control who he dates/marries?
Trust me...some women are pure gold to a man. Unfortunately, due to the jazzy MIL who sniffs that her wicked ways will be revealed through the gold wife...begins to look for every way to get rid of her
How do you tell your man that his mum is a witch and out to destroy his life without him trying to get rid of you as the gold wife? In turn, she has caused a beautiful and successful marriage or relationship to go down the drain...and yes, some mothers are out to destroy their sons as they have used them as covenants in their devilish world. Some, it's just to flex the power and hold they have over their sons.
It's either one of two things...either the guy loves you enough to fight for you if he's spiritually strong enough or he let's go because his mother has reigned enough curses on him forbidding the relationship, to last several generations to come.
As the golden babe, you decide to stay God fearing and be praying along with the patience. Remember, the golden girl could turn into a witch too just to fight the MIL.
Going the prayer route...you dream, you have visions, you're told left right and centre that this is your husband but his mum doesn't want to make life easy for you and the only time you'd enjoy each other is if she's dead. Tell me why you wouldn't be praying for her death every second of the day?
Yes, the aspect is there that that means the female siblings don't get to have their mother at their weddings etc. but what will it profit every one to have an evil MIL alive?
What about the MIL's you appeal to with gifts, patience, kindness and love and still chose to have a heart of stone?
When the son eventually becomes a wreck due to his mothers actions, poor and lonely, what say you then, joro?
Some would ask...shouldn't the guy know by now that his mother is the one "doing him?" Maybe not...depends on the intensity of the jazz which is probably being topped up regularly
You also have the aspect of girls who use jazz to tie a guy down for whatever reason. In this instance, a mothers instinct or research will automatically turn on operation "chase out" by the MIL.
Some mothers...the only reason why they are nasty is because the daughter was out of order ONCE and find it very hard to forgive but yet, claim to be a Christian around town rather than to correct in love.
Some MIL's are not interested in their own marriages because they've turned their husbands into a mugu. So anything she says goes.
There are many more aspects joro. This volume will need several sub articles to help the real ladies out there. A lot of men end up marrying a woman who has pretended to be quiet till she gets into the home. Not all can be like that.
How does his dressing his dressing counter his write-up. How else do u want him 2 dress biko???????
ReplyDeleteHmmm,honestly after going through the comments here I can't help but agree in totality with the Igbo adage which says dat"ihe di be oke di be ogini" which I can interpret to mean that we have similar cases of MIL/DIL wahala almost evrwhr, I could go on and on,but will rest my case for now.
ReplyDeleteHmmm,honestly after going through the comments here I can't help but agree in totality with the Igbo adage which says dat"ihe di be oke di be ogini" which I can interpret to mean that we have similar cases of MIL/DIL wahala almost evrwhr, I could go on and on,but will rest my case for now.
ReplyDelete