I need advice from matured minds please.I will make the long story short..I married at the age of 18yrs, and my husband is 19years olders than me. I already have 2 boys and 2 girls for him. We both came from a very rich family so money it not the issue here.
His
own problem is that his ego is as big as the mountains. Maybe young age
those days made me over looked a lot of things. Now I am older I have
come to realize that we are not meant for each other at all. His choice
of words are zero. He stopped me from work and said as long as he is
living I will never work. I should take care of the kids. Bear in mind
people he doesn't treat me badly physically. Actually he is those kind
of men that tells you how every Eve out there wants to have a piece of
him.. Bla bla bla!! Hope you now understand his type.
What
do I do? I am very unhappy living with a man I don't love anymore and
with 4 kids? Will I continue to live like this for the rest of my life?
People
please do not advice me to kneel down and keep praying, I need a
realistic advice not that I don't believe in the powers of prayers..
Most important I have no other man in my life and I am thinking about no
one. Check out just 33 yrs of my life living like this till when?
Somebody please help me..pleaseeeeeeeee.. I am living for my kids now, I
am about dying due to stress
of this issue..
444 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 444 of 444Linda dear! I am still trying to figure out why u did not post my earlier comment on this post, same thing also happened, the day before yesterday, on the post that talk about a married LIB reader that can't stop thinking about her ex and the ex shared a pics of his penis with her, and you know some of this comments I really take out valuable time to compose them, and its so painful sometimes when you make comment that's not harmful but you don't get to see them
anyway I don't want to believe u did not post them I just suppose its some technical error that made the post not to appear in the comment section, because I do know you always post even the worst of comments, I mean u approve and post every comment on a post, but incase u can still locate my earlier comment on this post, I would appreciate it if u make it visible after approval
Thanks dear
Your comment will be visible after approval
Biko! Nigerians will never stop being Nigerians. You married early is your fault and 18 year old is able to determine her right from wrong. The big question is did u ever love him? If your answer is No how come you agreed to marry him or better still aw come you stayed till now to leave after four kids. Wake up my dear, single people without kids sef in the naija of today never find love and the man of their dreams it's now you dat is thinking of walking out of your age old marriage that would find. Another question is how do u think any guy would react to that if told. Well let's imagine you find that unimaginable man that can marry you, what if after a while u grow out of love for him too would u leave again or what makes you think he would be better than ur current husband. Well in my opinion which you don't have to take you are left with just two choices sit down and plan your life and see how to make it work and talk to your hubby about it. Am sure he would reason with you. The next option is leave but the truth is in Africa the man owns the kids you may loose then completely or partially and as someone said if you run away with them it's only a matter of time before they start asking for the whereabout of their dad which ever way you still loose them and they may never forgive you for denying them of their father's love. From an unrealistic point of view your happiness comes for before that of your home so you can take time out to spend time with age old friends and mess around just don't get prego and see if it's worth it out there than where you are. But trust me you are better off working on your relationship with your mind than exploiting options out there. The only reson you feel this way is cos you never really got the chance to be heart broken by so many men. Maybe you would appreciate what u have now. All the same it's ur choice follow ur heart. But Biko if na because one bastard is forming lies 4 you don't let him deceive you. But Sha a trial will convince you. And please come back to feed us back on how it went.
You people go and read your bible very well before you start chatting balls
1st tym to write bt alwz on ds site..well its so sad but pray to God for peace of mind..marriage is all about prayers and any decision you take now, try and think how it going to help or destroy your kids future cos broken home is a thing that no one prays for esp when kids are involve..children are very fragile esp when there are still under age. I always tell ladies, pray before you go into marriage because its not something you can easily walk out unless you are not a God fearing person..think about your decision before you go ahead
This is not what you would want to hear but you know what there is nothing you can do about this situation. 50% of all marriages that last is not because they luv their spouse all thru. Its alright to talk but most times it only changes thing for a week or month tops. Sometimes luv wears off. Re-trace your steps and you will reach a balancing point where you don't hate yourself ans him.from what you said his not the worst husband. look for his good side and dwell on them not just thinking of his ego. Let him know his ego is a bit too much for his age, and that your not happy about it.
His your husband you should know the best way to bring out the best in him.
All in all you need to find a common ground where you can accommodate each other.
And i think if you luv your family you should work on being happy and finding peace in your in-perfect husband.
What you needed most is to cling to God and pray always........and when you pray ask for: heart full of joy.. B'coz it seems happiness brings love with an instant."Happiness conquer Hate..."
Yea..maybe an arranged marriage!..
wow four good children where do you go from there? dats why we preach family planning oh. u dont even have a job. its all messed up. How did you let yourself into such a mess? my dear if u leave who will feed the children abeg stay oh de and manage oh
I dnt like 'advising' on marriage matters since I've never experienced it myself. But since this seems to be the only thing holding you back let me say this much as the child of someone who has stayed in a marriage for the sake of her children:
NO LOVING CHILD IN THIS WORLD WANTS TO SEE THEIR PARENT UNHAPPY.
No loving child wants to bury their parent with the thought that they lead an unhappy life for their sake. That would be leaving them with unnecessary guilt and regrets .Your children are watching you think of the example you would want to give them.To stay unhappy for the rest of your life in a unfulfilling relationship for the sake of-for the sake of what?
If you see no chance of loving him again and this is the only thing holding you back by all means be brave and go ahead. You seem to have the financial means to provide for your children Come to an agreement and separate and go and make yourself and your kids happy. Leaving your husband will not/should not stop either of you from being a loving parent and that's all these children need. As for finding love again you are still so young God willing you can find a loving partner and a good stepfather all the best.
ps: as for caring for them if you were to leave you should not shoulder the burden alone the father should still be very much present in their lives and seek help from family.
Abi oooo...abeg let this woman take several seats jorrrr
Give him an old tomatu, either he changes or u leave. If he does not change, leave. Put up feet of the ground, especially as it relates to having a job. If he's still head strong, leave him. Life is too short to live it in perpetual mourning.
Wicked advice so far. Can't stop laughing
My heart goes out to you. I can feel the reality of what you are going through. I have worked with a some people with similar situation. I subscribe that divorce is not a wise option because children are already involved. If you leave your husband, what would happen to your children whether or not you left with the children would make you regret your action. Love and the sexual feelings are nature's trick to bring men and women together for procreation. It takes a lot of work to keep love aglow for long enough time. However, most couples stay on because of their responsibility to the children and family united critical for security and orderliness in the society.
The generation gap between you and your husband is also an issue.
You need coaching. You need to make decisions now. You need help making those decisions. How much you love and appreciate your children would be a great deal and help here. If you love those children and want the best for them, then, seek coaching on how you can respond to what is happening at this time to save yourself and children of more worse traumatic experience in the future.
Inbox me for recommendations.
Good luck.
U re frm a rich home and u married @18? You aint serious! Ur huzy is full of ego,,nd so?? U want him to be a woman in his huz? Nawaoooo!!! MESH
Let me add something here. Woman you need to distinguish between what you need and what you desire.
Is it that your love for him has finished or that there is no more space in him for your love to enter?
You can stay and you can go but remember that this is marriage( a forever Contract) and those are your kids(given to both of you). And if you feel you can't tell it to God then you haven't seen the worst. Think twice.
Read that 'See-finish' article by Charly Boy.
I really don't know why people are sounding like ebb getting married at 18 is an abomination....what of omotola she got married early and she is doing fine Dan most that got married late age isnt an issue cos a lot of grown ups can't manage Thierry home.my advice is dat she should learn to enjoy her home talk to her man and pray do things dat keeps both of them together and dress well cos she needs to be dat chick he saw in her to keep me going.marriage is fun and meant to be enjoyed ...
Pls because of u kids stay. Nobody can act as another mother to them stay and pray hard & God bless.
I think you shld go and watch ... MR and MRS.... serzly.. it deals with ur issue.
Ayayayaya! Abeg park yur load,ai go marry yu,wt yur 4kids. Se be yu stil get plenty money? Dt settles it. Lols! Anywys, "It's a higgi hagga of matrimonia home sprantum that visuals our young girls future into vladus hagapudia. Let me say the maradonic higihaga that have enveloped marital homes in the period now elude yu real love of the inefitable cricumcracum affection of an ododoriferious husband luv cumcakacumkaka.
To this end, it is sadonic, it is lugubrious, it is a state of disma pisma that yu lost the ododoriferious affection to the egocentric higgi hagga husbannd. Yur husband must be oloriburuku person for oversighting yur luv bcs of his maliciousbohaha ego. Divorce is nt option dear. Jst bcs of dose kids. Shikenna. Datawa.
When a woman starts complaining in a relationship where financial insecurity, impotency, infidelity, battering , child abuse and domestic negligence are not issues and her problems are egocentric behaviour, wrong choice of words and age difference on the part of the man; believe me there's another man the picture.
I dont believe that this writer is telling the truth about not seeing another (younger)man who will distroy her marriage and still leave. My advice is that you seek the face of the Almighty, forgive yourself and learn to love your man.
From all you've explained,your major problem with your husband is his 'ego',every man has his ego, thats why he's a man. You were young, agree but there must have been something in that man that made you marry him, look for it, its still there- somewhere, harness it. Stop looking for an easy way out, what makes you think you'll find the happiness you so desire in the arms of another. You alone can guarantee your happiness none other, not even the next man!
i married a man 15yrs older than me.he was so damn loving when we met infact every woman dream man. 3mths b4 our marriage,he lost his job but he has saved some money. we got a2bdroom apartment and did a low key wedding. he said I sudnt work,bt wit the mind dat he was gonna get a job soonest.i had to get a job when his job wasn't forth coming. Fast forward to 3yrs later,stil no job and he has lost hope.he wouldn't even look for job again so I av been the sole provider @home. he is stil a very loving husband, always helping out at home, love our son so much. he makes me feel so loved. but the expenses is becoming unbearable for me to handle alone. I av spoken to him several times and all he will say is "it will get better by Gods grace" and then will promise to look for job which he will for a month after which he will result back to sitting at home. I am beginning to fall out of love with him cos he is not being considerate about me. I keep encouraging him and I had to call his parents attention after 3years of doing it all alone.the mum confided in me that it is a spiritual attack and that she has been praying about it. Am so confused and honestly don't know wat to do again
Read Omotola Jalade's story. Maybe you'll learn a thing or two from it.
Your husband is not abusive, so i guess you need to do some work on your mind. There's nothing out there to run to and most of all, think about your children. What happens to them. Divorce does tear don the children. It leave them confused and no one knows how long; their self confidence too will be battered.
if you or your children's life were in danger, i would have advised you leave.
Lastly, pray for wisdom.
Dear Sister, got your story and I quite understand what you are going through. Please I want you to understand that no marriage on earth is perfect, its never easy for 2 different people from different upbringing to live together. We all tolerate each other to live together. Its like that in most marriages, say 99% but once children have come into the picture it is wicked for anyone of the 2 parents to fissle out, and yours is 4 there is nothing else you can do than to try and love your spouse more, tolerate more and stay in the marriage for your children because your single happiness cannot supercede that of 4 children. Don't be deceived about marriage that its all bed of roses, we all pretend to be happy publicly and hide and endure the varying shortcomings. The devil you know is better than the Angel you don't. May God bless you as you remain faithful to your husband and marriage.
Hun 18 years... that man took your youth and is a bad man too acting like he's all that. 33 is still very young in my opinion. God does not love divorce but yours was a youthful mistake - I say leave him co-parent and find another man who will worship the ground you walk on. If every Eve outs there wants him tell him they can come get him - move on
U LUV HIM B4 U MARRIED HIM, SO Y R U NT LUVIN HIM ANYMORE,OR WERE U FORCED TO MARRY HIM. MY DEAR IT BIN 15YRS WHICH IS A VRY LNG TYM,U DNT AV TO LUK BCK NW, DAT WILL MAKE U A FAILURE, IF U LEAVE UR MARRIAGE NW HOPIN TO MEET ANOTHER MAN SINCE IN FAILED IN THIS 1ST PHASE U WILL FAIL AGAIN, WAT U AV TO DO IS SIT DOWN THINK OF THOSE TIME U LOVED HIM SO MUCH DAT U CN WAIT FOR HIM TO GET HOME,THINK ABT THE HAPPY TIMES U GUYS AV SPENT TOGEDA NT THE SAD ONES,TINK OF UR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN DO U KNW DIVORCE AFFECT CHILDREN MENTALLY IMAGINE WAT IT WILL DO TO DEM ND WAT IF UR CHILDREN HATES U BCOS OF DIS WAT IF DEY CHOSE UR HUSBAND OVER U. THERE IS A LOT OF THINKING TO DO BEFORE U EMBARK ON WAT EVR U PLANNING TO DO. REMEMBER WEN U WERE YOUNG THOSE THINGS U LOVE DOING, THOSE DREAMS U HAD ABT URSLF,THE KIND OF PERSN U PICTURED YOURSELF TO B IN FUTURE TRY ACHIEVING THOSE GOALS, BCOME CREATIVE U MIGHT GO INTO FASHION, DESIGNING, MAKE UP ETC SET UP SUMTIN FOR URSLF THAT WILL KIP U BUSY ND BUZZING. BT IN DOING DAT DNT LOSE UR FAMILY COS IF U THINK OUTSIDE IS BETTER I WILL TELL IT A LIE EVR MAN HAS A BUT IT DEPENDS ON US AS LADIES, WOMEN, MOTHERS, WIVES TO FIX IT
from all that i can see, i think you you still have little love for him. for you to have FOUR kids for him, there should still be some love left in there. Marriage is a life contract and there is no expiring date. with little patience and lot of prayers, you can make this work. And try to persuade him to allow you to do something. cos i feel after bearing all your children now, there is gap begging to be filled.
i pray that your marriage work oh
'Stay with him because of your children' was the same thing they told our our mothers and grandmothers in those days and as a result of that they lived in sadness and bondage.
I will always say that children are better with happy single-parents than sad and bitter parents living together
wetin carry u go marry am in d first place?
U no get point.
go sit don for dirty joo!
I have read other people comment, some say for the sake of your kids you should stay,let put that aside, I will say for your sake stay,he is not cheating on you, he is a loving husband and the only problem you have with him his da ego thing,Calm down lady,go back to when you were 18 and remember that spark that made you guys unique find it again.remember most men out there are heart,spirit and soul breaker.....I believe you can still make this work...Pray to God about it sincerely,look deep inside of you,that love you had for him at first is still there,look at those 4 kids you gave him and find your husband in them....Sis I believe in you,make this work please.
Pls watch the film 'temptation'. I'm sure you'd av a re-think.
hmmmmm lol, anwser this question,
1. are u see some you love, 2. did your husband bit you, if NO i don't see any reseason to leave your husband, yoruba side, OKO WON LODE OOOO
hmmmmm lol, anwser this question,
1. are u see some you love, 2. did your husband bit you, if NO i don't see any reseason to leave your husband, yoruba side, OKO WON LODE OOOO
Take your problems to God
I am married to a man 24years older than I am and i have by choice chosen to be happy. My dear, all men are the same, old or young. What I think you desire is some sort of freedom, you're at a point if self discovery. Hollywood, nollywood and impression people often paint are not true. Every marriage has its own unique challenges. I have gone through worse with my husband and us now so thankful to God that I have him. Just sit him down and talk things over. Then reevaluate the situation. My sister, don't be deceived, only fuckers exist out there, ask Jeta Amata's ex, she'll tell you better
I fink is because ur idle thats why ur finkn dis way......divorcee is not an option ciz u hv 4 kids already.morover why did u hv 4 kids 4 him knowing you dont love ur husband... ur just a confuse woman...get busy nd face reality
HMMM,SO MANY POSTS,SO MANY ADVISES,SO MANY.
QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU- CAN YOU CONVINCE YOUR HUBBY THAT YOU WANT TO RUN A BUSINESS NO MATTER HOW SMALL?
IF YES - SCHEDULE FOR CLASSES AT LAGOS BUSINESS SCHOOL OFF LEKKI/EPE EXPRESSWAY AND THE REST WILL BE HISTORY.
This is not as difficult as you think. First count your blessings. Enumerate all the good things about him you may take for granted.Give thanks over and over and a miracle will commence. Even your man's attitude will change and you will both find the magic that seems to be missing. Cherish what you have. The children are part of the package. Try to imagine life without them.I promise you you can find profound happiness in your marriage. It is up to you.Love conquers all. Love is a commandment.
Claire
This is not as difficult as you think. First count your blessings. Enumerate all the good things about him you may take for granted.Give thanks over and over and a miracle will commence. Even your man's attitude will change and you will both find the magic that seems to be missing. Cherish what you have. The children are part of the package. Try to imagine life without them.I promise you you can find profound happiness in your marriage. It is up to you.Love conquers all. Love is a commandment.
Claire
Dog when wan loss no dey hear wistle of im owner... I bet there are a thousand and 1 ladies out there praying to be in their husbands house. Some women dont have the fear of GOD in them sha. Later when she has left she'll start sayin had i known
I would advise you watch a movie titled temptations by Tyler perry.it will help you to decide on the action to take.God bless you
I have a deep feelings for you my dear, but time they said waits for no man, if you have decided to take a new lift; what about your own children?
For God Sake, The time may be too late but if you may decide; think well of your children future in the hand of another woman before your final decision.
My God help you in your decision making(Amen)
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