Someone wants to know if it's OK to date their friends ex. The friend's moved on long ago and this person's on the verge of saying yes to this relationship, but wants to know if she's not breaking any rules.
She says she's crazy about him, but he used to belong to someone else, who she's still good friends with.
So should she go ahead? Does it matter? Please share your thoughts.
35 comments:
why not, if the friend is no more with boy/girl. but they will never be friends again.
tell your friend about it... let ur friend kno u not sneakin anything behind her back, it is a hard thing to do. personally i dont want to ever be in such a situation but its... just talk to ur friend.
Hell No!
If she does - she'll definitely lose her friend and some others (who wont trust her anymore)
If she doesnt really care about the friend - then she can go ahead
I have been there and believe me no matter how you feel about him now,in the long run it wont be worth it and your friendship with your friend will never be the same.
awkwaaaard! that's al...
I'm in this exact situation. Its not a nice or comfortable place to be. Sucks really bad
i would advice NO but yet again if she is that persistent then maybe she should check with her friend if she'd be OK with it but seriously.........its really awkward.
I would not go there but if said friend is ok with it then go right ahead. He is not the friend's property and we as women are so guilty of forbidding anyone who even makes eye contact with us to date our exes. He is an ex, no longer yours. I would be ok with my friend dating an ex if it did not work out for me and him. Ex husband, no but ex-boyfriend...sure. Like I said in the beginning, I can't date a friend's ex but I wont mind if my friend wants at mine.
i would advice NO but yet again if she is that persistent then maybe she should check with her friend if she'd be OK with it but seriously.........its really awkward.
She should not be asking us, she should be asking her friend, especially since she's still good friends with her.
I think that if it is an acquaintance you should just do your thing.. But if it is a close friend you should talk to your friend about it before engaging into it and make sure she or he is comfortable with it.
There is a popular cameroonian french say that goes "qui a bu boira" meaning who has drunk can definitely drink again. You can never know what was in their hearts when they broke up, it could be an unfinished business that no one wants to confess and eventually by bringing them close again you actually trigger it, or provoque even jealousy from your friend.
My thing is to talk about it with your friend and assess her reaction both verbal and physical to the idea of you dating that EX before you engage into it: sometimes the body says things the mouth wont.
If you already started creeping with him then just come clean, your friend could be angry but she will appreciate the honesty eventually especially if you dont get dodgy with her...
I've been in both positions:
In one case my friend was playing hide and seek with the guy... i called her and I was like look I actually think you would be better for him than I was.. And i meant it.She was embarassed but she got over it as i constantly reached out to her. Of course I did not hang out with both except when they were other people, but we were fine.
Just as I dated a friend of one of my Ex and I called my ex to let him know. He did not like it but I told him it had nothing to do with him and I was just trying to be upfront. he had too much pride to go start anything with his friend so he just had to live with it...
In the 3rd situation a friend of mine went out of her way to and by that I mean went all the way overseas to seduce a guy I was talking to and who was flying over to romance me. Thou I was kinda playing hard to get, when i found out, I waited for her to come clean and she tried denying it when the guy had already confessed so our friendship just ended right there.
There is one thing i have about my ex's. Even though we both know we belong to someone else. We both know that giving a conducive environment, the two of us can hit it off. That is why we restrain ourselves to fbs and text messages only.
The same goes to you. You would have to make some difficult choices. You would have to forget about your friendship with your friend and keep it just simple. Cos when your friend and your husband to be or boyfriend for now are alone together somewhere. You would never be comfortable. Cos they can always spark some minutes of fun with each other.
hey linda, r u sure u r not the "friend?" jk. the girls should talk abt it.
http://lookingglassofanimmigrant.blogspot.com/
She just needs to be very truthful to her friend...sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with (I have never fallen for anyone so I wouldn't know how it feels he he he Lol)...On a serious note, she needs to sort of talk to her friend and the guy she is interested in, to alert them on the situation.... I believe it is okay to date your friend's EX if you aren't doing it behind her back.....Plus her friend and the guy broke up a long time ago ...it is not as though they broke up yesterday.....She needs to tell her friend and the guy about the whole ordeal....However, if the couple is mutually in love, and want to be together, they should go for it and not let people's opinion affect their relationship.
ur not providing for details here baby: the boyfriend of my friend who has been married 4 the past 10 years? absolutely 'kini big deal' are u saying l need her consent 2date this guy 10yrs after? HELL NO....., l don't.
Welldone Dlapikin.
I like what you said.
She should talk to her friend but even that is not enough.
This people may have unresolved feelings for each other just waiting for an oppourtunity to manifest. In life we appreciate/covet things more when we see them with other people, so she may be extremely jealous but will try to be quiet about it for friendship sake.
My point is your friendship is at risk.Would you lose friendship over a guy who may not love you tommorow as he loves you today? Or for all you know you might just be helping reconcile with his Ex.
My ex(married at the moment) told me very recently i am one person he wouldnt hesitate to start anything with. This is someone i havent even set my eyes on in two years!(I knelt down and praised God for allowing us to be far apart) So your friend should be very wise.
Well I would say each situation has its own peculiarity, I just got married to my friend's ex and as i type, am chatting with the same friend on another tab. She's equally married with two kids and has totally nthing against my husband and I. My case might be diff though cos i lost contact with both my friend and husband when their rship ended and I only got back in touch with my friend after i started dating my husband.
I agree with the rest of u who think the girl shd check with her friend, if the friend has moved on,pls she shd feel free to date the guy.if it does work out fine, if it doesnt, so be it!
Y'all dont know what ur saying until ur friend starts dating ur ex.....until then u will be able to know exactly how it feels.
I hate to admit it to myself but i still dont trust "friends" around my boyfriend. after my best friend took the last one "na anya ocha" for those that dont speak ibo i mean "with clear eyes" lol
That's what i love about being a guy!..Guys don't have problems dating their friends' ex...and the beauty of it is that they still remain friends. I have been in,and i still see such scenarios working.
But for babes...you would lose a friend for life!
my advise,as long as you'd end up married to ur friends ex, then it's all good...your friend has to live with it.BUT, if the ex just bangs you and moves on....i no fit shout!
anonymous 2:11: once debe, everlasting debe *wink*
No that is all i can say. Any way you look at it, you would have lose a friend. So QED
in this kind of situation love matters,n wht if they r meant to be,will d idea dt ur friend has dated him prevent that frm happenin?no i dnt think so,bt in my opinion as the law will always state it"ït depends on the fact of each case" my dear wht will be will be
in this kind of situation love matters,wht if they r meant to be n are mutually in luv,will the idea that he had dated her friend stop it from happenin?no i dont think so, n we ladies knows abt dis our friendship stuff,whn most of us breaks such friendship whnever we get married,its only men thier own lasts,n in my opinion as the law states it"ït depends on the fact of each case" my dear wht will be will be
in this kind of situation love matters,wht if they r meant to be n are mutually in luv,will the idea that he had dated her friend stop it from happenin?no i dont think so, n we ladies knows abt dis our friendship stuff,whn most of us breaks such friendship whnever we get married,its only men thier own lasts,n in my opinion as the law states it"ït depends on the fact of each case" my dear wht will be will be
Ha! this is really a sensitive matter o....hmmmmm....ok,
NO! SHE SHOULDN'T BECOX HER FRIEND WOULD SEE IT AS BACK-STABBING. IT WOULD COST HER THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
Are you soooo, such she had moved on?
No, I don't think she should date her friend's ex- it could cause problems with their friendship in the long run.
The truth is ppl are different! While it would not be a big deal to me.. if my close friend dates my ex...( as long as it is not immediately after we broke up cos that will be a diff story- it would hurt but being the person i am.. i believe everything happens for a reason and will let it go!) If i did that to another close friend they may not find it funny even if they broke up 10years ago.
Tell your friend.. but the most important thing is being sure of the guy's feeling and yours.. cos it might end in a fight with your friend and you might loose both the guy and your friend
However, if the guy is over the girl and ready to stand by you and make the relationship work.. go for it.. your friend is married anyways.. She'll get used to it... I dnt believe in all these crazy rules we come up with- its not like you are snatching her hubby from her.. it was just her ex.. and life happens
NO, IF SHE VALUES THE FRIENDSHIP.
@Kiky
Like many said people are different and react to things differently...
I'm one to think every Ex has that status for a good reason.I believe in destiny and wasting the least time possible cring over spilled milk.
If he follows your friend then you are not exactly what he wanted or he does not know what he wants. So instead of wasting your time crying over it just thank goodness for this riddance because you don't know how much time you could have wasted on that fool! It is always better for your mental health to be with a man who knows what he is there for than one that still has wild oats to sow unless of course you are fond of emotional rollercoasters.
Besides, just because it did not work out with me does not mean it will not work out with my friend... Is there a rule out there that says somebody must love me? An Ex who leaves you for your friend could leave her for another friend... In that case you say good riddance!You've just cut your losses and she just gambled her stakes...
Only if the friend is married to another guy! Then she can't talk. lol cause her husband will get mad at her. lol
I was once in a fix like that. This guy wanted marriage. He broke with ma friend over 12 yrs and my friend is married but upon telling her about it she flared up because he jilted her and she can never forgive him. She told me to choose btw her and him. She is a childhood friend. Then I applied wisdom, men can be funny at times what if the marriage is not rosy tomorrow, my friend will say it serves her right. If the friend gives heartly consent go ahead. If not, she will blacklist you before every moving creature. Be wise!
ok what if you didn't even know? suppose u move from london to NY; you meet this guy, you get serious; and then before wedding, you realize that at one time, he used to date one of your closest friends back in london. the reason she doesnt know is cos u haven't really been keeping in touch but she still remains ur friend.
Bn there ...
Bn there.....Done dt
Its such and awful thing to do and blv me.....long run you wld say wat was i thinking.....so nt worth it!
I am in the same situation and it has not caused problem. If they are truthful about the whole thing, the friend will realise that they really luv themselves, she will be happy for them, moreso if she has a new relationship as well. But if its just a fling, it wont help the friendship one bit! Nuff said...
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