I am 5 months old into marital life and it has been a smooth journey so far but there can never be a perfect relationship as we all know. What has been baffling me in this marriage so far is that whenever there is a misunderstanding between me and my wife, the next thing is to call her mum who then talks to me on the issue. Though she has never been biased in settling issues between us whenever there is an issue she is been involved with by her daughter.
The bottom line is that it is a situation I never liked and I have tried several times to put a halt into this but she never yielded to my concerns on involving her mum in our marital issues whenever there is a case to settle. Continue...For an example, if I decide not to attend a church service on a Sunday maybe because I am tired for that matter, the next thing is for her to call her mum to report me that I've refused to attend a Sunday service. And before I know it, her mum is calling to ask why I have decided not to go church. Though she never authorized me forcefully to go to church on such occasion but do persuade me or even plead atimes.
If she has been calling my mum the way she calls her mum into our issues, maybe it would have been a different case entirely. There is nothing that happens in our marriage that her mum doesn't know about. And if there is an argument, she also threatens to call her mum immediately and it would be done unrepentantly.
I am sick and tired of these occurrences and I believe the way things are going, it could lead to a situation that might cause the unexpected. I love and care about my marriage but not with my mother in law involvement irrespective of her motherly role. I never involved my parents in our marital issues so I believe she should not involve hers too. What do you think I can do because I am loosing it already.
187 comments:
Nutin.......prolly she grew up like dat, running to mum to help solve her probs! Ndo oh dibe!
My dear, sit her down and explain why you think a third party shouldn't be involved if she disagrees then call your mother inlaw and talk to her. Third party is only allowed when the case gets out of hand. Na wa oh, women should stop doing this otherwise, your husband will later lose respect for your mom and her opinions
Talk 2 her abt it,seriously,no 1 likes unnecessary parental involvement on marital/relationship issues..it sucks!
Did you guys really go for marriage counselling at all before you marry? Coz am sure if you do,the counsellor should have told you about the ills and dangers of involving a third party in a rlshop.I'm sure your wife exhibited this xteristics when you guys were dating but you were too blind to see or too in luv to complain.
Well,I suggest you guys go for a post wedding marriage counselling.Go meet a clergy,he/she is in a better position to advice her.She seems to have a licking/porous mouth and only a thread and needle from a counsellors hand can change her .Goodluck
I feel for you o. How old is your wife?
Tell her to ask her mom to move into your house and share your marital bed with you. Since your mother inlaw is having a part of all matters, she needs to be getting sexed too. BJ must be part of the package o. And she must wash your clothes. Ewu gambia, all of una.
GidiGirl
In totally unrelated news, there's one guy on this blog. Any post he comments on, he will put 'Thanks' at the back. Even if na bomb blast, he will put thanks. I'm confused.
GidiGirl
Mummy's girl, keep on talking to her make her understand dah u are not comfortable with it.
You are very weak, why not tell her to stop ?
Tell her to ask her mom to move into your house and share your marital bed with you. Since your mother inlaw is having a part of all matters, she needs to be getting sexed too. BJ must be part of the package o. And she must wash your clothes. Ewu gambia, all of una.
GidiGirl
Fuck off already!!!First to comment!!!!!!!
In my opinion, as a gentleman that u are, and as a married man that u have become, and also as a loving father that u will hopefully be.
Sit down with her mum and express urself. Settle things with wisdom...
U married a mummy's girl.Tell her to choose btw you and ur mom.U can threaten to leave the house for a while if she continues wt her girlish attitude. And summon up the courage to do so.I believe there must've been a lotta talking on this issue. Sometyms action does more than talk.By the tym she sees u're serious abt leaving the house, she might adjust.
It is obvious she is very close to her mum and they both skipped the part of the bible that says you shall leave to parents and cleave to your spouse…Okay I think she doesn't understand that about marriage but her mother should na …it is time you put it to her straight that you cannot stand it and will not take it anymore, explain how it is affecting the relationship and I hope she will change… visit www.bride2mum.com
sit her down and tell her point blank that you are tired of her constant reporting attitude to her mum, and that she must stop this minute, that you ain't finding it funny anymore
Talk to Ur wife. Make her see reasons with U.
My personal advise is for you to call your wife when you guys are in a HAPPY MOOD and sort it out her. May be she has a develop a strong bond with her mum for her to sort her advise. Work it out with her and move on bro!
Talk to her n make her see reasons with you. It's well 'Sergio Frankie'
She is your wife and your woman.the only advice i give you is to call her and talk to her like a mature man.tell her that what she is doing is wrong.you guyz can solve any problem by yourself.you can giving give her example.try and ask her that when her mom and dad quarrel at home when she is small does her mom call her mother to complain.am very sure the answer will be no.so why cant you guyz be like them and solve your problem or issue together without interfering her parent.the moment you tell her this she will come to her sense and you will see changes soon
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If you are loosing it already, the best thing to do is call your wife and have an open and honest conversation with her (if she wouldn't tell her mommy!)
Marriage is about openness, honesty and compromise and she should stop airing your business with other outsiders.
Fait enough her mom has experience, but he needs to remember that it is both of you that will have to live and deal with the consequences and benefits of your decision
Marriage is about learning and growing together through thick and thin, not through the constant and incessant advice of a 3rd party.
if you are loosing it, let her know ASAP because bitterness and resentment will start brewing, and trust me, 5months into a marriage is not the best time to have ill sentiments in a marriage!
Hope this is honest enough :)
Marriage relationship should be between two MATURED minds. He should have a heart-to-heart talk with his wife and remind her that it was just both of them that were pronounced 'a man and wife'.......any other person is third party and should be considered as one. If that trend should continue, I'm afraid that relationship is heading to a brick wall.........#EnoughSaid.
Report her to your Mum.
U sound like u don't want 2 b disrespectful but u need 2 stand ur ground & let ur wifes mother know that she should stop interfering in ur marriage. Also make ur wife understand that she needs stop or there will b consequences. At times u need 2 do what u ve done b4 2 get a different result, even if it means showing em d other side of u. If u don't put it 2 a stop now 5months will turn 2 5years.
Ok, judging frm what i just read am convince that yu are the cool type that will like to give everyone what dey want just to see that peace reighn but is not always so, this is ur marriage we talking about and for that reason yu just gat to set the boundary and show her, her lmit and calling her mum in ur marriage is one... If i was yu, i will just call her mum (in a respectfull manner) to stop involving in matters concerning ur family and believe me, she will definately stop no doubt.... Ok, pay for my service nw.....
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Tell the mother to tell her daughter that she's a married woman, things are best solved between her and her husband, also tell the mother, you want to remain married to her daughter for as long as you're alive and that the best solution is for her, to stay away from you two as regards any issue that may arise
Just call your wife and explain to her. You are the head of the house anyway
She is ur wife hv a heart to heart talk wit her u guys shld state ur turn ons and turn offs. Knowing d type of person she is ensure u resolve issues quickly.
You married a mummy's girl. Sorry for you. You must have seen the sign while you were courting but you chose to ignore it. You should have curtailed the habit then.
Mummy's girl
Note to self: Be sure she has a mind of her own before you ask her out.
I've got nothing to say to the poster.
Tell the mother to tell her daughter that she's a married woman, things are best solved between her and her husband, also tell the mother, you want to remain married to her daughter for as long as you're alive and that the best solution is for her, to stay away from you two as regards any issue that may arise.
Tell the mother to tell her daughter that she's a married woman, things are best solved between her and her husband, also tell the mother, you want to remain married to her daughter for as long as you're alive and that the best solution is for her, to stay away from you two as regards any issue that may arise
My brother i perfectly understand what your passing through believe it aint funny this issue is very simple yet complicated as the man and head of the family u gat to seat ur companion down by that i mean ur madam and talk this over.
if ur madam is the outing type that likes hanging out once a while take her out for dinner or what ever trips her and have heart to heart talk with her make her see that its not all issues that her mum needs to get involved in how will she feel if ur own mom gets involved in issues that does n t concern her issues that you both can effectively resolve.
you need to put your foot down and get this resolved its not about shouting screaming using abusive words reason with your wife and if she does not put a stop to it the day you have issues and her mum butts in simply tel the mom politely mamma this is my home mind your business. its called THE DEAD DROP.
and if mama does not stop report mama to her husband and if she continues bring in ur mum.
if it does not stop then brother wahala dey ooo last resort call pastor oo
My dear set it straight to ur wife if nt she will continue calling her mum. I have a friend lik dat too n her hubby is fade up.
Explain to your wife the dangers of what she is doing and ask her to stop it and also call her mum and tell her in a very nice way that you appreciate her motherly advice each time she is involved in your problems but what you'd want her to do is to teach her daughter those skills so that she can learn how to manage you whenever there is a quarrel. Because her mother will not be there forever. After that, if there's another quarrel, and she involves her mum, and the mum calls you.. Don,t answer d call. She will get the message. Also learn how to avoid quarrels in your marriage. its easy... Good luck..
Easy,giv her a taste of her medicine...start calling ur mom to,buh let ur mom knw wots happening n tell her 2 play along. report her to ur mom especially d ones dat will embarrass her so much,dn let her knw as long as she doesn't allow u two settle urselves u too will involve ur folks
Lol.. Its obvious she's a spoilt babe! Just try and speak to her more. If not, go and talk to her mother in a polite manner.
Lol,mayb she has a Kris Jenner 4 a mom
Seat her down n talk 2 her in a calm way,she will change
Wooww...sounds like you married a baby. Talk to your wife and warn her seriously. You can also talk to her close friend or sister,anyone she also listens to maybe her pastor or priest. If it doesn't work,I think you should talk to her mum too. She should caution her daughter about it if she wants her marriage to last.
Let your mother-in-law know that you are not cool with her interference even though she means no harm.and as for your wife talk sense to her,to stop.
all u av to do is make ur wife undastnd dat its btw U nd her. nt a 3 party relatnship. tell her hw u feel abt her running to her mum alwys. am sure she will undastnd. be calm abt it.
all u av to do is make ur wife undastnd dat its btw U nd her. nt a 3 party relatnship. tell her hw u feel abt her running to her mum alwys. am sure she will undastnd. be calm abt it.
am very sure dat wen u r courtin ur wife she was exhibitin dis traits, u shld ve put a stop to it den, sit ur wife down n discuss how u feel abt d whole tin
just sit and talk to them nah
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The next time her mum calls u,politely tell her u dn't appreciate her getting involved in 'ur nuclear family issues.u can tell her that in 'ur wife's prescence since 'ur wife has startd threatenng u wt her,& if 'ur mother-inlaw doesn't listen,reduce d politeness & increase d pitch.remind her that neither u nor 'ur wife get involved iin her & her husband activites.that wld surely get her 2 mnd her home
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You're married to a class amebo so you'll need to force her to grow up & not have mummy fight her battles.
Man up and tell your mil you will not entertain such discussions & stop taking her calls, likewise tell your petulant child bride you're married to her not her mother so any issues are strictly bw u 2 & tell her mummy that too.
OLD HABIT DIE HARD
YOU BOTH SHUD GO 4 MARRIAGE COUNSELIN
Tell her the next time she calls her mother to discuss your marital issues, you will leave the house for her. And if she does it again, leave the house for a night or two. Make sure you switch off your phone so her mum doesn't call you to plead with you to go home. Make sure you don't call her while you are out. Make her sweat. Then she will learn her lesson. If she still doesn't, well guy, you don marry daughter and mother be dt.
ºнaĦaнaº°˚. This guy is my neighbor. Lols. Τ̲̅ђe lady in question call her mum time without number whenever they have issues and τ̲̅ђe mother inlaw is a politician. So she feel her mother is capable and highly connected. Lol. Women matter. Τ̲̅ђe lady is even mannerless. Sorry oo. Lol
Let mother-inlaw n wifey know you don't appreciate a 3rd party involvement in ur marriage,she should stay clear they same way ur mum stays clear orthewise send wifey to live with her mum for a month if she doesn't stop. Were u so blind or infatuated with her that u didn't notice this attachment to mama's apron string before ur marriage? Abi una no court? Well,poster,deal with it! Na ur cross every couple get dia own including moi.
The solution lies with your mother in law..since you have spoken to your wife on the need not to involve her mother and she still continues, pick up your phone and tel the mother,how helpful she has been in the past and how much u appreciate her effort in seeing you guys are happy..but you want her to allow you guys grow as a couple and find your way...u need a marriage devoid of interference.....she doesn't have to wade into issues like...oh he didn't go to church or oh he snores while sleeping..you are pleading she allows you both grow on your own and find your way...be nice,firm and assertive when speaking..
My dear we are in the same situation but reverse is the case for me, My husband won't let any argument pass by without calling his mum for advice. Am tired
Let's hope u have a Huge Cock, take one nite out and punish her wit ur cock, give her the fuck of her life and as u do it ring it into her ears the things u want her doing and the thing u don't want her doing
change if for them
Put a stop to it bro. My friend's wife's mother, partly caused their break up because of issues like this. Shhe became authority in their marriage and not too long his wife started misbehaving. Don't give her that chance otherwise it will continue like that and you will not be able to stop it.
Are you kidding me? Tell your mother in law to move out .
most hilarious thing I've read all day
Cut dt intimacy wit ur mum inlaw althou not disrespectfully.u might not pick her call for say a month and let her knw after dt period y u've refused talking to her,wit dt she will limit her comments and observation between her and her daughter.
NWANNE INO NA OOOFE......Anyway, i cant say it is a bad tin for her mom to settle some issues since u confirmed she is not biased about it. but to stop this, u have to call the woman urself and sit down, mek her understand what her daughter is old enough to take care of her marriage. instead of her calling u,,, she should advice the daughter well.....
you marriage is blessed that you have a type of woman that is jealous of you. i bet you some of those things you do are wrong and if that is way of correcting it, i encourage her seriously. cheers man, listen to her and a well be a modern man.
Your wife just needs to grow up, she's still a baby . The only way she can change is take an irrational action the next time she does it .
Pls sit her down and talk 2 her bcos ur marriage is 2 young to involve third party.
What is wrong with that your Wife na? That has to STOP! Handle the issue Maturely before she moves an inch towards her Phone.
Omo men, call them both and tell them ur mind. U are a man
Ultimatum time. Tell her to stop or you'll leave her. Don't stand for that shit! Call the mother too. Tell her in the strongest terms that you don't appreciate her meddlesomeness. If your relationship continues like this, you are heading to a life you won't like. Your wife is immature.
if you don't like it, sit her down. Do that wen in a good mood and tell her you don't rili like dat and its gona afect ur marriage. If she doesn't listen, I guess you let her mother know ur mind towards it politely
Five month into marital life and you have had problems with your wife severally? May God help you both.
.............PRAY4NIGERIA............
Communication is vital to any relationship,have you raised your concerns to your wife? well if you haven't done so,I'll advise you speak to your wife about not being comfortable with a third party.
I think you both are matured to handle your issues.
Goodluck x
Man up...
Fair enough !! Call her and make her see reasons for you guys to keep whatever happens b/w the both of you. If she fails to understand, then you will have no option that to do it your way..
This marriage is too young for all these man. Damn! Do you two have such a short memory that you cannot remember all the advises offered by well wishers who are often marriage experts on your wedding day? Alas, What kind of a woman is your wife by the way? The ever mummy's girl? Tell her to grow up man. The mother is not even helping matter here. For me, I think any misdeed you're found with should have been directed to your mom instead of her telling her mom. Iru wifu le le yi? Abi na they girl and her family marry you ni? U know what am sayin? Abeg make una dey sot una sef jare instead of mama mama every now and then. Shuuuu! Now to the question/advise. 1. Wake your wife up at the middle of the night and let her know how you feel whenever she takes "your" issues outside and that it need to stop. 2. You need to respect your wife dude 3. Always try to make sure you are never found with blames whenever any issue ensue. 4. Discharge your duties as the head of the house before you allow your wife take that from you. 4. Prayer, prayer and prayer. For more talk, hit me on daudaaliu@gmail.com
Hmmmm,I belive evrytin is understanding,sit her down nd talk 2 her,she is Ūя̲̅ wife or beta stil talk 2 d mother urself,she will understand beta
Sit her down and tell her not to involve her mum. No third party shld b involved unless the case is sooooo extreme.
Na wa oh mummy's girl.
U should be happy it's her mom she's calling, what if it's her frnds she's telling. I do same too n it's d best my dear
My dear, tell her to stop that nonsense immediately, parents shouldn't get themselves involved into their kids marital issues cus wen dey had diers no one was dere. I had to stop my mum cus she would be eavesdropping wen I visit her nd I have problems with my husband den she would send my husband a text message or even call him to stop it wen its non of her business. I had to rise to the occasion nd stop it.i dont also like third party. Pls warn her seriously to stop dat madness.
U'll have to explain, in details this time, the dangers of ALWAYS involving a third party WITH LOVE! All the best!
Ds is a whole lot of nonsense...what? Is she tryna deny him of hs privacy? 4rm wah I read ds dude still has a mum,if he dos anythn wrong,he shld be reported to hs mum not hs mother-in law...of wch der's a limit to everything,d union shld be bou 'em two not the whole extended family...he shld call her and explain to her dah he goh married to her not her mum and she shld keep der personal affair 4rm her mum
Tell mama do good u dnt like it jokingly,cos u dnt involve ur parent,the fact us this,let ur. Wife knw that when u r thru solving ur ish it wll Stll linger on her mom's mind...not just in the mood joor
Shes stil new. Talk to her calmly. I made d same mistakes shes makin except i reported him to his mom. His mom told me to try to settle our conflicts myself cos we r married and all dat. I mearnt my lesson. I only told my parents wen it came to situations i cant solve. So pls be patient wit her. If she dnt learn in the next 6months den giv her an ultimatum. Yu or her mom
You are a man,your decision should be final,it is nt a good idea to confront ur mother inlaw.The fault is4rm ur wife,there is no way a bell will ring wtout an external force,if she has not be involving her mum there will be no where she will know wots happening.Forget abt Luv&Confront your wife that you don't like the childish act she is exhibiting.
###############GOD##############################Punish##############################devil###########
Threaten to send her back to her mother if she's not old enough to decide for herself. Why you sef dey run away from the house of God?
She's still a kiddie, suckling. Send her back to the nursery school asap
Beloved it is very simple in my opinion, you should encourage your wife to understand the biblical principle of 'leaving and cleaving', i think that will go a long way bro!!
Smh. Hmmm. If I call my mom into my family affairs she ll ask me how many times she hz ever called me to settle hers. The guy should tell d gals mom how he feels.
I think your wife and her mother was very close before you married her; mummy's girl.
What you have to do is this:
Anytime your mother in law calls to settle whatever issue in your marriage, tell her politely that the issue is btw you and your wife, that both of you will deal with it.
You can equally talk to your father in law; he'll be more understanding, to speak to his daughter and then to his wife not to interfer in your marriage.
* My R1.50c comment *
the biblical principle of 'leaving and cleaving' works a great deal in issues like this, and i think you and your wife can apply it.
Address ur Mother-in-Law with all due respect not to interfere in ur marital affairs! Let her understand despite u appreciate her motherly concern nd all but that you cherish d privacy of ur Home. So she should kindly back off. Stand up to ur mother-in-law politely but STRONGLY. And cool down nd enjoy a bottle of beer *if MAMA permits, lolx*
I wish dat after all d comments has been, u ll refer her here so she can read too. Ur marriage is too young to be involving third party. She must know dat!
Sad your wife has to go that way. When a man and a woman marry, they become one. Have a heart to heart talk with her. Remind her that you never share your marital issues with your mum because you believe your marriage is your business and you expect the same from her. If she has an issue with you, she should discuss with you and not her mum.
Mine is the other way round as mother in law practically leaves with us since marriage. And pretends there is nothing going on even when the whole house is boiling. And expects me to be smiling when I am unhappy. Makes my arguments with her son her own. How can one be happy?
Try talking to her #bright bravo#
I think it would be of good if you call your wife and talk to her about it and make her know you really mean it.I think the best time for such discussion is mid-night.Give a try!
She is too close to her,talk to her n with time she will stop it.
Sum women need to pure fertilizer for dem to grow! Oga u beta stop dem bfor they stop u. Marriage is marriage n not village meeting.
Hmmm, marriage Wahala...
Your wife is aparently a child that paid no attention to the advice of the clerics and elders on your wedding day. I guess she concentrated more on the outcome of her photos and make-up. It cannot be over-emphasized that a couple should keep third parties out of their marriage. I know of many divorced couples who thread this same path your wife has chosen. What you can do is simply and complexly talk to her again. This time, you only wait for her to report the matter to you mum-in-law. Then you repeat the same to 'mama' and upon the next time you learn your wife has done as usual, you will 'gently' end the marriage. In a marriage, 3 is a crowd except your mum-n-law have decided to be your second wife. All the bes
How long was their courtship that he could not have sensed she was a Mummy's daughter? If her mother is a good type, let him stays and endures but if she is not Ga Gbosooooooo! Let him walk-away coz he is not safe olohun. They will both be giving him money to feed himself one day! I stand to be corrected.
D MUM OF UR WIFE SEF IS STUPID< BCUS IF SHE IS A GUD MOTHER SHE WILL TELL D DAUGHTER 2 HANDEL D MATTER HER SEF. AND U SEF TALK 2 UR WIFE ABT IT, DAT U DNT LIKE IT
your wife needs to to be taught the dos and dont of marriage.she needs a marriage concellor.
I understand how u feel cos am in a similar situation but in my own case, my husband is always callin my mum wen there's a situation, its so annoying knowing dat u can't just querrel n settle it all at home, don't know wat to do anymore , waiting for advice as well
for starters, I think u should add these words to ur dictionary, "ignore that call"!!!!!!! Biko are you 5yrs old???? start ignoring d calls after u have politely told ur mother in law to stop interferring. and then talk to dat ur tata wife.
U have to call and talk to ur wife. Let her understand dat is only u and her dat are involved in de marriage, not her mum, just try and make her understand.
U have to call and talk to ur wife. Let her understand dat is only u and her dat are involved in de marriage, not her mum, just try and make her understand.
SiT are down tell u don't like. Third party in ur home but, if it continues stop pickn her mummy's call wen eva u hv arguement.
tell her mum to stay away from u guys marriage, u can solve ur problem yoursef
Ahh I feel your pain bruv, not being able to exercise your right as the man of the house without outside interference. I can't imagine being dotted on cos I didn't go to church, what kind of juvenile shit is that. Next thing she's gona be calling her mom cos u wanted to eat something else apart from what she wanna prepare or she's gonna report u for changing the TV channel from nollywood to super sport etc. You gotta call your wife and be very serious ,she can't keep blackmailing you like that. Its like you are married but still living under your mother inlaw's roof and u are being dotted upon. I really don't know what kinda advice I'ld give u, cos if it was me in your position I for don dey over para for her sef. I hope your wife sees reason to the fact that she can't keep involving her mom in every little issues happening in your home. There must be consequences for her behaviour. Eg Hunger strike(ig makes them mad if u dont eat their food, less affection. Etc
As for me dat I cannot do,pls dear try stp her nd also threaten her dat she makin u fed up of d marriage express d way u feel for her,she shuld grow up,must her mum knws all wat is goin btw u guys,dats nt gud dr shuld b a little privacy,she shuld grow up pls,cos she's acting like a baby,pls just try nd discuss dis wit her wit serious attitude....##Cherry Campbel##...
She might be thinking you both are just early into marriage and need a third party for ur issues now...
sometimes silence is the best..
Bros,you are married to Chioma Chukwuka and her mother Patience Ozokwor.No let them turn you to Tony Umeh o
I am not sure but im guessing you guys are from wealthy parents who had their way to influence you and your wife financially before the marriage, or her parents soo rich u depended on them or leveraged on their wealth and compromised in the past on some matters. Another thing is im not sure you have displayed enough maturity and firmness to your wife which is why she calls her mum every time, Not sure but if that is the case or any other, be a MAN!!! CALL UR WIFE AND TELL HER you are married to her and not your mother, stop being an ajebo or mummys pet and be firm as the man of your home, discuss with your wife only and be loving and at thesame time stand ur ground and be firm with her on issues concerning your family, grow up and be a man,I wish you good luck my brother
Is her mum rich are u marrying her bcos of her family wealth people dat behaves like dat are mostly whose mum rule their husband. Just take it easy incase ur mother inlaw intrude again tell her to face her home and allow u to rule ur home
Tel her that if she calls her mum again to report you, you will send her to he mum's. And when she does that, refuse to pick her mum's phone call!!!
Maybe it is because you are 5 months into marriage that's why she needs to rely on her mom. Talk to her about it, if it doesn't work, talk to your father in-law, that ought to stop it.
The both of you need to see a marriage counselor again ( that's if you ever met one before the marriage).I understand that she might be very close to her mom (I was once like that). But she needs to learn how to make you her best friend.
Involving parents in marital issues is a NO NO.
Even if at all she needs to discuss some issues with someone it should be with a spiritually matured couple (that was what my marriage counselor told me) and believe me it is working really well.
The type of advise i get from them is so encouraging and they lead by example as well.
Bottom line is Visit a marriage counselor.
make her know u don't like her mum's involvement in d marriage,it's a marriage between a man and a woman nd not a man a woman nd her mother.
Obviously u married a mummy's gal..Since uv talkd to ur wife n she has nt changd try talkin to her mum to caution her daughter abt involvin her in ur issues..marriage is al abt understndn..gudluck
The both of you need to see a marriage counselor again ( that's if you ever met one before the marriage).I understand that she might be very close to her mom (I was once like that). But she needs to learn how to make you her best friend.
Involving parents in marital issues is a NO NO.
Even if at all she needs to discuss some issues with someone it should be with a spiritually matured couple (that was what my marriage counselor told me) and believe me it is working really well.The type of advise i get from them is so encouraging and they lead by example as well.
You also need to check your actions maybe if you do not do the things you do she wouldn't have to involve a third party
Bottom line is Visit a marriage counselor.
It's usually the other way round. But sometimes, you have to pay back in their own coin.
Tell your mum you want to play pranks on your wife and ask her to call her everyday to talk to her about things you complain about.
By the time your mum calls her 3/4 times, she will realize exactly how you feel.
PS: STOP picking her mums calls since you know that's why she calls
Your wife is still being quite childish. A married woman should learn to talk and work with her husband. That being said, you admitted that your mother-in-law is unbiased in her advice. Tell your wife you don't want her telling her mother everything about your marriage and also tell her mother the same thing IN HER PRESENCE. Tell them both if this behaviour continues, you will start telling your own mother issues in your marriage also. But please let that be a last resort oooo, because you don't want your own family to lose respect for your wife and her mother.
tell her to stop the rubbish or else you will do something that she will not like. you have write to say your mind. did the pastor not preach it to both of you not to involve third party in your marriage.
She is wanted to assume control of the home and put herself in a position where the yard stick stays with her. That is, she has the exclusive right to decide what is right and what is not.
She has attached a punishment / an inconvenience to such defaults, which is not to call her mom, but to call her mom and have her mom call you to son you. Thus by her mom soning you, you are now the wife's baby brother. That is what every woman wants; to have control over her home. That is what every mom in-law wants; for her daughter to have control of the home.
This issue is not a fluke or a bad habit of your wife. It is a meticulously planned coup and should be treated as such.
Set rules. Stop picking her moms calls. Block her SMSs, if you can't do so, give them the impression that you delete the messages without reading it but...make sure you read it first. However, do not react to the message but keep to your game plan.
Also, do not use the mirror tactic I.e. call your mom on her for every little thing she does. She'll beat you to the punch by disrespecting your mom and force you to action. If that's happens, then you will be on her turf.
Make her know that her actions are nothing shy of domestic/psychological/emotional abuse and if she continues, divorce is on the table.
Above all, visit shrink4men.com and read all the articles, especially that of abusive spouses. The series came out last October or November. There are very helpful videos on YouTube as well. Videos about the manipulative tactics of women. You will be amazed, but most importantly, you will be aware and wise.
Take care man and remember you are a person too so your feelings should count.
Sit her down and talk senses into her that if it continues, the marriage might crumble sooner than later. Your mother in law should now better too, she is meant to shut her up and tell her to sort thing out with you.
She seems to be a mummy's girl in a dumb way. How silly!
My friend go to church and stop complaining.
I knw of this issue very well, my husband those the same. Will call my parents to report me for everything. It is simply lack of maturity! It can break the marriage!
That's nonsense.wait,u the man lemme ask u this question.when u guys courted dint u see that coming?why dint u caution her?You are the man,u shld av authority over ur wife.u shld be able to tell her to stop.Are u scared of her?why shld a woman be controlling u like that.u dnt even need tell us.If truly u are the man u shld be able to caution her n if truly she sees u as the head she ought to stop that rubbish.Except if the case of cheating occurs she can report to ur mum not even her mum.*from iretioluwa*
My dear save ur marriage b4 its too late,have a heart to heart talk wit ur wife and explain to her d dangers of her action den call ur mother inlaw and tank her for her help so far in d marriage and tell her u don't want her to meddle in d marriage and dat u can handle ur probs wen dey arise but ll call her wen u need her help.
As a man u need to stand ur feet, tell her if she still want d marriage to go smoothly she should stop dat habit.
Y did u marry an a mature while dere r many matured once ova dere. Is only an a mature wl diclose ha family affair 2 ha mum
I am sick and tired of all these pathetic stories of newly weds. People do your research before you get marriedddd. My Goodness talk things over with your partner before taking the bold altar step. Having said that, your wife should not involve her mum in her marital issue. It seems like the fastest way to having issues in marriage.
I am sick and tired of all these pathetic stories of newly weds. People do your research before you get marriedddd. My Goodness talk things over with your partner before taking the bold altar step. Having said that, your wife should not involve her mum in her marital issue. It seems like the fastest way to having issues in marriage.
Talk to ur wife tell her how u feel
Maybe when u stop picking her mother calls anytime she reports maybe it will give her d common sense.
dis attitude ur wife is displaying shws dt she z kind of immature,u guyz shud b able to handle ur issues nd nt involve a third party except d issue z life threatening.nevertheless try to sit down and talk dis ova wt her,tell her ur mind nd dt u lyk ur marital matas to b btwn d two of u.jst calm dwn nd hv a hrt 2 hrt tlk.
Its not a good step, let her see reasons why u guys cannot continue that way. Wonder how she will tell her mum if u guys hv some issues concerning sex. Marriage should be between 2 mature people.
Good Communication and understanding would make even d worst of marriages turn out so good. Talk to her about it and make her unxstand that it really turns u off. U're the man of the house after all.
Make a new laws for her with an authority,,,give her ur own commandments,,if she fail one with out a real excuse,,then know that she is not going to change but will be more than worst if she has kids for you in future,nd also u should go out,meet any of ur good friend,call ur wife with another number nd give ur friend the phone to talk to ur wife,about those things she,s doing u dont like,,then go home nd watch her reactions about ur friend call to her,,then u will understand her kinds person,,goodluck
just let her know that not everything her mother must know
She dey craze?if she no get sense re mama no fit use re sense?dude Abeg try talk 2 ur wife again nd if she no listen to u Pls kindly call ur family nd her family member.
My husband used to report every little misunderstanding we had in d first year of our marriage to his mum..then I started reporting him to mine too after pleading with him to stop involving his mum in our affairs..then one day I realized he had stopped doing it..And till date(4yrs later) we don't have such issues anymore.
U r sick !!
the woman should grow up
Then stop doing things that would make her report you to her mum,case dismissed.... Ehen linda,this guys picture that you used for this story caption is sooo "eyemazing"... I can stare @ him all day long!!!#cheeZyjayne
Am pretty sure he has sat her down several times and expressed his dislike abt d situation, yet she persists; even to the extent of reporting he didn't go to church, lol! Na wa oo. Some women can actually brk up their homes wiv their own hands, later they wil say it's d devil. Woman if u are reading dis, betr wisen up and knw who u are marrying, mama or hubby???
D mother in law sef cannot advise her daughter dt its nt everything u bring to her ears, she sef dey encourage, wen e go shele naw...
Just 5mnths and mehn! Dis??? Damn! I doubt if u both attended counselling before marriage?? #VeryImportant...its nevr 2late
Nwanne nke'a ka li kwa ihe mmadu ga edi kwa..
Very sensible comment. Thanks to u on behalf of him.
from all u said ur mother inlaw sounds good.... talk to ur wife abt it...if she no hear tell her mama.... say u no like d idea.... though u respect her opinions and judgement.....den make u dey go church jor....to serve God dey help wella for marriage....me neva marry but naa so i hear
Not funny gidi...park well
Nice one!!!! Wanted to ask same thing
Talk to ur wife abt it
Her mother is part of the problem. Her mom shouldn't be listening to her daughter and she should not be calling you over silly bedroom talk. I beg her mom knows how good or bad you are in the bedroom. A good mother should know when to tell her daughter off. Stop answering your mother in-laws call and she will mind her own business.
Well said esp about pre and post counselling
*Gbam. U just hit it right. That's d correct dose
Well thought out girl.
This was the story of my Life until my mum disappointed me and had no choice but to cleave to my husband... I was also like that anything my mother this, my mother that.... Nothing he said made sense until my mother wanted to turn us to her puppet... Now I know better and would never bring anyone into our martial issues.... Unfortunately until she grows up or something drastic happens like in my case, she may never get it. Now I say thank you to my hubby everyday for opening my eyes
My dear, its same for me o.
When I have issues with my hubby, he calls my mum to tell and I really got sick of it.
Granted, its my mum but still, I'm not too keen on people knowing about my affairs cos I know my mum will gist my siblings.
I'd told him countless times to no avail- until I stopped picking my mum's calls whenever we had issues and he reported- then he called his own sister who had the sleaguts to open her mouth to say that we aren't supposed to be quarelling o, that if I give him a headache- he should just divorce me!
I was livid!
I replied her with a proper stinker- mind you, this is his elder sister who has been sent home from her hubby's house with three of her children for three years.
Suffice to say that I preferred him calling my mum than his stupid looser of a sis.
Agbaya.
Maybe the wife's parent is the one that is feeding them... Cause it doesn't make any sense why he can't put his foot down
You married a baby. I fear for you
stop taking her mum's calls....shikena
Then again, when she calls her mu and her mum in turn calls you, ignore her mum's call.
You can then call her mum back privately and explain that you'd rather the both of you were given the space to work at your relationship without interference.
Her mother should understand then, BUT if she doesnt- I suggest you should NOT pick her calls for a Long, Long time.
Abi jo, go sit down! Don't you know the moment you marry a woman, you are also marrying her mother?? At least you got two for the price of one!
Yes I believe he has Sha, what more can I say? Maybe both of them should go for counselling again. Hmmmm
sorry but your wife is really immature. your marital issues should never be her mothers business. u should sit her down and tell her never to do that again. gently explain why she should never do that. you have to be very firm and strict with her otherwise your marriage will crash faster than fast. if necessary, make her know what it feels like.
sorry u have to cope with such bs.
lesson to us ladies out there... never do this. if ur mum never handled her own marital problems u would have gone through hell and u probably wont even respect her. so handle ur own marital problems.
@sylvonce... nice comment.
Jessy Jessy !! It's fed up nah.. Let me pretend its a mistake..
Hehehehe. U no well..
You married a mummy's girl, now you have to be a man and take control of your home. Before that you are going to sit her down and have a serious talk with her. After that you will now go to your mother in-law and respectfully tell her to fuck off! No, just joking lol, gently let her mother know how you feel .
Deny her sex for a month....den let her mama com ask u how far......u ll tell her u need her to show her daughter ow to DO IT practically....im sure dat ll be d last of such nonsense....#tnk me later wiv a bowl of pepper soup and Snapp#
@ sylvonce, the guy asked for advice, you laid embargo on the adv anon 12:45pm gave with your comment but you didn't give your own advice. You were just chastising the wife on the 'off-chance' she reads this blog. Mr advice seeker, I'm guessing that's how your wife was raised, always taking all her problems with other siblings etc to their mother to settle- which might not have been a bad thing then, considering she doesn't take sides whenever she gets involved. I think you should talk to your mother-in-law. Tell her you appreciate all she does but you both need to sort some things out yourselves as a family to be able to grow together and that it hurts your pride that you can't seem to sort things out with your wife without her reporting you. Tell her you appreciate all she's been doing for you but you would like an opportunity to resolve things with your wife and grow together at this early stage because if you guys get too used to her mother always sorting things for you, how will you cope when it's only the two left?. Say all these with tact and choose your words wisely.
I'm sorry to say but your wife is a little whinny baby who grew to adult sucking her mumi's breast and is still apparently sucking d breasts cus it seems she cant do anything on her own. Mstcheew. Does she call her mum to ask what she shud cook for u for dinner as well? How old is she again? She needs to can the BS and grow the f*** up abeg. She seems totally clueless to me. Wonder what will happen when u guys start having kids. Lmao! Nollywood tinz!
Life tho. Thats exactly what my husband does. He must involve a third party and even judge in his favor. Well, with God all things are possible. Tell it to Him, He will make a way.
I was in a relationship like that for 5 year that was broken not only because of Motherly role her mother gives and also the control that coming in. Sooner or later whatever the mom says is going to be final and there's nothing you can do about it. You should have seen this before your got married and try to address it. Me addressing it broke my relationship I would you pray about it and use wisdom
Syvonce u took words right out of my mouth
Dear Poster-Thank you so much. I am a 56+ year old mother & my daughter has been married for under a year. She does this too. She is normally a secretive child, is pretty much independent-taking her own decisions.So I was quite surprised when she started calling me telling me things which cause or may cause issues in her marriage. Much as I would have loved to do, I found it difficult to tell her to try and sort things out herself and not involve me. I however never call her husband. But I try to direct her mind to keeping her home together. I understand my daughter so well that I know that her asking me for advice is because she feels less confident in marital matters and feels that I made a success of mine with all the challenges I faced. To her, Im a superhero-as she has said so many times & that she cannot stomach half of what I endured from and with her dad. she is certainly NOT a mummys girl- far from it. I interprete this behaviour as trying to make her own marriage succeed. What I never put into the equation is how her husband might be feeling about me knowing about their issues. Now you have really helped me. The next time such an issue arises again, I am going to ask her straight up-does your husband know you are telling me this? Then we take it from there. Thank you so much.
The way I see this issue, bruv, it seems like there may be some financial input that her mother has into your marriage. Or else, why would her mother find it easy to call you to ask why you didn't go to church? WTF? If you don't want to go to church, why should it be her mums biz? So man up and stop compromising. If there are areas her mother is helping you out with, then take charge and shoulder your responsibilities. Your wife should be satisfied with what you can provide. Then she wont find it easy to call mama everytime. After all, mama has no input whatsoever.! My 2 cents if this is the underlying case.
She's not ripe for marriage!
Marriage counselling is the remedy - she seems immature
Quit the marriage already...
LMAO.....CAN I ASK....DOES YOUR WIFE TELL HER MOTHER WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR MATRIMONIAL BED AS WELL?
NEXT TIME YOUR MOTHER IN LAW PUTS HER BIG NOSE IN YOUR BUSINESS, TELL HER VERY POLITELY THAT .......
"WELCOME AS USUAL MA, I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOU IN OUR FAMILY BUSINESS AS USUAL MA. WITH ALL DUE RESPECT MA, I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE, I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE NOTICED THAT I AM A MAN....OR, WOULD YOU RATHER I SHOW YOU THE EVIDENCE INSIDE MY BOXERS?, PLS MA, I DONT NEED BBC ADVISER TO RUN MY HOUSEHOLD FOR ME. CAN I ASK YOU TO KINDLY REMOVE YOURSELF IN MY MATRIMONIAL BUSINESS PLS? AND IF YOU CANNOT REMOVE YOURSELF FOR WHATEVER REASON, I WILL REMOVE YOUR DAUGHTER FROM THIS HOUSE. PLS MA, THIS HOUSEHOLD IS NOT THE BBC OR CNN BUILDING WHERE NEWS IS SREAD. MA, IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT STOP BEAST FEEDING YOUR DAUGHTER AT THIS AGE, THEN I THINK I BETTER STOP SUCKING HER BREAST MYSELF. MAMA, IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THAT JOBLESS OR YOU CANNOT ALLOW YOUR DAUGHTER TO GROW UP INDEPENDENTLY IN HER HUSBANDS HOUSE, THEN ITS BETTER YOU TAKE HER ALONG WITH YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS HOUSE. FINALLY ON A LIGHTER NOTE MA, WHAT CAN I OFFER YOU TO DRINK MA? ........OR WOULD YOU RATHER I TELL YOU ABOUT THE WAY I SPEAD YOUR DAUGHTERS LEGS IN BED?
LOL.........
OPK
hmmmmm, are you sure your mother in-law is not financially assisting you?
Maybe she's always being like that, the 'over spoilt, mummy-running to child' hehe.. But seriously since you've voiced it out that you don't like it, she should adjust naa, abii.. Btw why won't you go to church seff *straight face* lol
hello comrade, dont listen to very immature commentators with no experience in marriage...most young wives of below 30 years old do it.especially wives brought up by mum and dad only,they see their parent esp mum as their best judge....wrong.i experienced it within this 5 months u said so.its sad and heartbreaking,but it will be over soon...how keep telling ur wife how hurt u feel about her actions, 2) call ur mother inlaw to restrain from ur simple domestic issues point blank until u need her assistance otherwise she may loose her respect so soon.u are married to the daughter and not her....3)let ur father inlaw know. finally just calm down.i just celebrated 2 in my union before then,i experienced it.only u can solve it.just keep loving her.like u said before,i did asked my own wife,if i call my parents the way u do,they will loose their respect for u. stan.
As a married woman, my husband and I have agreed to keep our families entirely separate from our affairs, coming from a family like mine (am igbo and he yoruba) i found it really hard to do but it was for the best.
I will advice you to sit her down and talk to her, do not try and persuade her, you give her that order. And tell her that if it happens next time you wont find it funny.
My reason for this approach is that if you try to persuade her to stop, it would take longer for her to put an end to this. So do it once and authoritatively because you are the man of the house and the bible says your wife should be submissive to you (To all feminists, in a marriage one person must submit to the other for peace, and the bible has clearly stated who that person is). When i first got married i found it hard to be submissive but eventually i learned that your home will be a home of love and peace once each person does as expected.
I wish you the best.
My dear, I am a married woman and i need to tell you that "you have alot to do" because this kind of case has destroy so many homes. This is the step you will need to take:
1. sit hear down and talk to her (not with a harsh tone ooo), make her see why she needs to stop discussing her marital issues with her mother.
2. If she refuses to change, you two should see your church pastor for counselling or the person in charge of counselling in your church.
3. stop dragging issues with her or trying to prove that you're the man of the house all the time. always talk to her in a soft and romantic tone.
Now let me tell you, this time is a very delicate time in wedlock because this is the time two of you will have to adjust to eachother's difference (there will always be a change in character after marriage), so you have to learn to be soft with eachother.
if you wife is reading this, i think she needs to go for counselling if she's ready to keep her home.
The moment you start telling ANYONE about your home (good or bad), you have begun digging the grave for your marriage. I tell no one anything about my home, not even my mum. They believe it's permanently rossy and even use my home as example for my siblings and cousins.
LESSON: if you tell people good about your spouse , they begin to point your face towards the evil part of him/ her. If you begin to tell them bad about your spouse, they will magnify your trauma and fast forward your subsequent, definite exit from that marriage. Then they delightfully sit back and laugh at you while spreading the news of how stupid you have been
The secret of a long lasting marriage is to keep every one out of your business. Family or no family....
Ah! trouble in paradise, she needs to stop or you marry another babe jeje, shows she still omo Mommy, mcheww!!
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