Dear LIB Readers: How do I get my in-laws out of my home?
From a LIB reader
Dear LIB readers, I married my husband in December 2010 and moved into a four bedroom duplex he owns but shares with other members of his family. My husband's mother, sister and brother lives with us. They've been living with him long before I married him but after I moved in he promised me he would eventually get them their own place. It's been over one year and a half now and they are all still living with us. It is not like they give me any problems but I want my own space, my own home. I've tried to get my husband to ask them to leave but he hasn't done anything about it. He's too attached to them and it's making married life very difficult for me. How do I get my in-laws to leave my house? Should I confront them since my husband has refused to do himself? Please help!
You have to keep working on your husband and praying for God to work on him and his family. You can't confront them under any circumstances! You will get answers to this with prayers
U com from no whr and u wnt to kick his mother and siblings out of the house...whr was she wen d guy was struggling with d mother and siblings. U jst com out from nowhr and stat making. Rules
Give them some more time...I understand ur plight..I love my family members,but I love my privacy more...jst don't push it so hard so it won't look like u re crazy...and no one shld judge her biko...its only normal to want to ve ur home and ur husband to urself...
Confront them for what exactly? This is how people bring unnecessary problems into their lives oh. The person you need to be discussing it with is your husband as he is the one to get them a place as they where there before you and if not carefully handled may be there after you are asked to leave. It's his family and it is a delicate issue for him and you. How you treat them will also determine how your own family members are treated. So, talk to your husband calmly and rationally and explain why you think it's best to look for a place for them and ask him what is holding him back from getting this done.
HAVE YOU ASKED YOURSELF ABOUT THE FINANCES OF THE PEOPLE YOU CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE TO DISAPPEAR OUT OF YOUR SIGHT? YOU ARE JUST A SELFISH IDIOT! WITH THE WAY YOU ARE GOING,YOUR MARRIAGE MAY NOT LAST MUCH LONGER
You must be silly! You met them in the house before you entered, now you want to drive them away. You must be joking. Learn to live with them dear, you'll get used to it.
this woman is been unfair to the husband's family. why should they move out if they are not giving her any problems? there is no justification for this as far as am concern. i will only support her if there's any trouble within.
wetin u wan stay d do for four bedroom duplex alone??? well u need ur space agreed, but u also need ppl around u! u said it urself! they are not giving u problems, his sister will eventually get married and the brother too so they will leave, u shld be thanking God that they are not giving u problems instead of asking them to leave, if u do what u have in mind, u will loose ur peace without anyone judging u.
М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ dear, ve been married for Five yrs now. And ΨђåƮ ever am gonna say now Ȋ̝̊̅§ out of Experience. Dont let Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я husband do this and dont do it urself. If they aint giving U̶̲̥̅̊ probs, then condition Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я mind as if U̶̲̥̅̊ r living with Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я mum and sibblings. I know and understand Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я feelings i.e wanting Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я man's full attention to urself. But JƱڪτ̲̅ get dis straight and right, "they r never gonna live with U̶̲̥̅̊ forever". Also, keep praying for God's guidance. Its only his grace dat can keep U̶̲̥̅̊ going.
All i can say is pele!! But can he afford to move out, or move them out or not? If he can then he is nothing but a goat. Which kain rubbish attachment is that?! Guess being married was more important than your peace of mind cos u shdv made sure u had a home to go to after the wedding. Cant see myself living with anybody...esp at such early stage in the marriage. But his family no get sense oh! Cant they jst excuse themselves and let the young couple be? So no sex in the kitchen and all that stuff? Cheii! What a life. Abeg talk to ur hubby again cos i dnt think he understands how big of a deal this issue is to you. If he still refuses---that's if he can afford it oh!!---then maybe have a word with his sis...get her to understand, and talk to her bro. Good luck
Tule tule, is ur hubby u shud face or betterstill u move out with ur hubby, some women sha u went into it wiv ur eyes wide opened now u want to scatter the family, u shud neva av Agreed to move in wiv dem initially, that's marriage for you, now u want to "daleru" gudluck wiv dat
Do that at your own peril. Firstly, count yourself lucky as one of the few that have no issues with the in-laws. Since they are not giving you any problem, why not let the sleeping dog lie? In an attempt to eject them from the place they've always known as their home, your family life will be seriously affected - remember, your husband is attached to them.
My candid advise to you - let time take care of the situation. Mama may eventually go to your husbands sibling, the younger ones will go to school or get married, etc. Good luck to you.
Don't confront them! It shouldn't be a permanent situation, so I advise that you speak with him and tell him it is too uncomfortable for you!
The Word commands that he leave his father and mother and cleave to you; that includes not living together! Speak to him and tell him you are tired; don't fight or shout, be calm and honest and tell him why they should go and explain the benefits it would bring to him and to you as a couple!
Pray about it and also tell your Pastor about the situation and he can also advise your husband! All the best dear
It's the Celebration of Marriage Week- Appreciate your spouse today
No in law shud stay in ur matrimonial for less than a month. I hate wen in-laws stay more than their time.. If she and her discuss about them having their 'time' I think he will understand.
ONOME says....... My dear,I can feel your pain o:( It is really a great inconvenience.You should have made sure they had left the house before you even married him.His mother,sister,brother????
You try.I don't thinking would have been able to stay put for this long.I dont even want my own relations to stay over for more than 3weeks at a stretch,after that they need to go back to their respective homes eiiiiisssssshhhhh.You need to leave me and my husband and children to stay by ourselves o,thank you very mussssh.
I can't advice you o,that is the African abi na Nigerian way for you.I really do empathise with you but i'll like to read other "wiser" individuals take on this.
No! If you confront them, you will regret it later on in your marriage.
It is very easy for any one to ask you to let them be, since they give you no trouble, but I think you deserve to enjoy your marriage.
In laws who give you no problems are the best family you've got there. Many are looking for what you have on a platter of gold!
Continue to be nice to them, so that when they eventually get their own place, they won't turn against you. Your husband could be the bread winner of that family. Do not forget that this is Africa! He had them before you and getting married to you does not make them lesser family members. They are still his flesh AND BLOOD TOO.
What if money to set them up is the little challenge your husband is having? Be patient with him.
Do not nag about his family staying with you! Give him convincing, realistic and and genuine reasons why you want him to get a place for them. Sacrifice pays. Do not keep a distance. Remain friendly to every body in your home. OK.
I suggest that you visit: wives townhall connection and read more on marriage tips.
You r a wicked girl... So your husband's relative can't leave with u??? Do u know if he has the money to rent another apartment for them??? Self Centered girl..
U want to bring problem to your own life. if you are leaving with them without problem as you have rightly said your self then why do want to create one by your own hand.
I empathize with this lady. I don't think she should confront them, it would only make them hate her and her husband might never forget such confrontation. I just think she should speak to her husband again and tell him how important it is for them to have their own private lives together and also tell him that if he doesn't move them she might quietly move out eventually as she has had enough.
its not rilly ur duty as a woman 2 drive dem out.dats ur hubby's. H/w shud try 2 reason more wi ur hubby.d home its 4 u and ur husband. Sorry jst endure until dey leave.if u use force dey wil label u n hate u 4 dat.
dont try to confront them. that would backfire. why dont you pray about it then discuss it with your husband especially before sex or during his favorite meal..
It's best you handle the situation through your husband since he gave you his word before marriage. Insist he gets an apartment for them and equally furnish it if he's capable of doing so. If he does not get them another place, they're definitely not leaving.
i understand were you are coming from... but this is something you should have ironed out before you got married while still engaged. you waited too long now if you speak up you're going to be the bitchy wife! and also its isn't in your place to ask them out! that's his mother! look at it this way your son's wife asking you to leave? and siblings! he will resent you if you do, also the beginning of the end of your marriage. so be patient, keep asking your husband. it will happen with time, he cant just do it so suddenly ,he's probably trying to protect you so it doesn't seem like you're the reason he is asking them out...... in the mean time learn to love them being with you. as the saying goes if life throws you lemons make lemonade
This is sad, one mistake you made though was to move into the house in that condition. It will be very difficult to make the go and NO you cannot tell them unless you want that house to me a war zone for you.
If the reverse is the case, ur brother married and asked u and your mother to leave the house even when there is no place to go, how will u feel? Most people are just intolerant.
They should have moved out before they got married. Seems like the man can't let them go. It's going to take a lot of prayers and kabashing to make them move.
my dear, u are not the only one leaving with ur in-laws. the good tin dir is that , he owns the house. so, plead with him before you start having children
Can be truly difficult indeed,you feel monitored and cant freely express yourself like you would love to.I wont advice you to ask them to leave but if you are a praying woman I would advice you to go on your knees and sort it out with God.One thing I know is the bible says for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.If God said it I believe he'l help you achieve it.
Sorry dear, learn to live with them cos u met them there. U shld av sorted dt out before moving into d house. If u try to confront them on dt issue, dts a step outside d door for u.
firstly seek God intervention, this situation you are into is somehow critical, most especially when hubby is attached to families, dnt try any form of confrontation or else life would be more difficult for you, my advise is to stay more calm and find easy way of persuading hubby to get them their own home thanx
Confronting them your self will be the biggest mistake & might ruin your marriage.....there's no need for that,he's attached to them like u said & have been living together long before u got married,since they giving u no trouble just be patient and let your husband play his role as the man of the house & do it at his own time,he has already promise u he will do it so please don't go above him & avoid listening to friends advise,it's dangerous and can break ur marriage.....say bless from kings in UK
No sweets, you don't confront them. Instead, find out what is keeping your hubby from resetteling them, then sit with him and find solution to it. Its probably financial. So u can come up with suggestion on getting a place you and your husband can afford. Remember to be cautious, sensitive and pray for the guidiance of the holy spirit while at it so you don't cause yourself more harm in the process. Goodluck. Ify.
I wouldn't advise you to confront them b4 u become the wicked new wife that wants to separate them from their son/brother.... keep pestering your husband till he gives in
I KNW U NID UR OWN SPACE..Buh abeg take am easy..@least dey r not giving u problem..dey r his family and part of his life even long b4 u..my advice is dat u shud pursue moving out wit him to anoda place..maybe you've not started having kids ,dats why he's delaying..
Dear LIB reader, the truth is, the day u ask them to leave that house is the day u start having problems in that family. My advice will be that; u sweetly talk your husband into getting another apartment, no matter how small it is so u and ur husband can leave the apartment for them so could have "your space". The apartment u'll leave for them is still yours since its your husband's. I wish u luck and great wisdom...
haba... they are not ticking you off and you want them to leave ? did you not see them before you got married to him ? a promise is a promise oh just leave them jeje, how can you evict tenants who happen to be there before you... sister look not for trouble when there is none.
Don't make the mistake of confronting them o I beg of u. The best way out is for ur hubby to get a 2-bedroom flat for both of u to move into. One would expect that they would have moved out even before ur wedding but since dy have not just get ur own apartment. I know dis will require a lot of prayers n patience on ur part. I pray that God will strenthen u n give u wisdom.
I have just one question for you; If it were your mother, sister and brother living in that house, would you kick them out of it, even when they don't give you any problem whatsoever?
confront ba wo!!!? u had beta start making him see reasons why. You don't have to go all emotional all the issue has he wont understand. Men think logically; hence you have to give him logical reasons why. eg. 1. how it would be good for only both of u to walk nacked in the house. or during sex you feel some1 is watchin or listening 2. how cost of living of your household would drop; even though he gets a place for them. everyman likes to spend less. 3. how you need to prepare for your kids.
There are loads off option, just dont approach the situation with emotions... cos he will not understand
Please, save us this blah blah blah. You knew he was living with his family before you got married to him and still went ahead to move in. You should have sorted that out before marriage. Now you want them out. Like this is fair.You better don't go asking them to leave otherwise you will end up on the streets. Family bonds are hard to break. It still beats me why you didn't settle that affair before marriage. You were in a hurry right? The important thing "is to get married joo. We will settle the rest on the way". Things don't work that way. That's why it is key to define every thing in your relationship before going ahead with marriage. However,I feel for you sha.It's really a difficult thing to be living with family.What a pressure.Your husband is the only solution here.Don't put to much pressure on him sha so you don't lose the game.Rather than wait for him to secure a place, tell him you are willing to support him in getting them a place.Raise some cash to contribute.Maybe this may work.
Madam dont try it at all because when you married him it was not just hime you married it was his whole family same as yours, good thing he's family does not give you trouble, from my experience they would all leave except his mum and she would be of help most times.
you sef no check am say na family house you pack enter! if na you u go pursue them/ check am na.
You said they don't give you trouble. if truly they don't give you trouble and you don't foresee any trouble why hurry your husband. Be wise and don't get into unnecessary problem with your husband. Don't quarrel with him to send them away rather persuade him. Be wise
U caused it. Y would u move in with them to start with? Now moving them out can create friction amongst yall. I wish u well tho, cause dis whole inlaw thing can b annoying.
Speaking frm experience, dont confront them pls. Its between u and ur hubby. Use the woman in you to make him get them out. Dont give him deadlines and dont nag. Apply wisdom!
What you should have done is to see if he would move them out before the marriage. I think if someone is behaving one way before a marriage, don't expect the person to change after the wedding ceremony.
It is not your place to confront them since you met them there. You need to work on convincing your husband to help them find their own place. If he disagrees, then you have to bear it.
Hello, since they are not disturbing you, their is no point. Moreover if they have where to stay am sure they will go and it will be very wrong of you to send them away. Just be patient and be friendly with them.
Confront ke? That is the last thing you want to do. As you said they are not giving you any problems, its best you pray about it and just hope things gets better for them so that they can afford their own place. If you ever make them think that you are the root cause of your husband telling them to move out, you'll regret it. They will make like difficult for you and eat you raw like eja tutu.
my dear since they dnt gv u headach as u said so y being greedy?afteroll they are nt going to be there wt u for ever,u can only ask them out had it been they are making trouble bt since they dnt y bothering?pls dnt be wicked,linda if u lk post if u dnt swallow d advice.
ONOME says..... Lindooooo.First times am gonna ask you for a favour:)
Could you put up the article on the Nigerian couple who have been jailed in England for the "corporal" punishment they meted out to their children?I would really love to read your readers views on this.Kinda like a research for me.Thanks hun.xoxoxo
U don't ve to confront dem, whatever ever happens to "patience"? ...marriage that is not even up to 2yrs? Let me ask u a question, if it were to be ur mother n siblings living wt u n ur husband,will u raise an eyebrow? Do u know how they started in life? Do u know how they started in life? Do u know if they had to deprive thers of gud n quality education as to giv ur hus d best which ofcourse has placed him in d position he is today? Do u know the amount of sacrifies this family has put in to be a "FAMILY". I don't live in a dupe at d moment but I grew up in 1 and I know its large enough to contain u all. I understand d fact u want ur privacy,but I advice u be patient wt dis situation n thread wt caution, don't be the one to confront dem n don't let ur husband be in enemity wt his family else...u will loose him cos he will never be a happy man again(even if he tries so hard to convince himself he could do wtout dem) n he may later in yrs to cum despise u for dat.. Be wise n ask God to direct u
My dear you just have to find a way and get them out of your house especially if they make your home uncomfortable. Do it yourself if you have to because most men are cowards in such situations.
Selfish woman you will soon shoot yourself in the foot,you won't calm down and enjoy your husband,you are already scheming on how to set your home ablaze.Go ahead jare afterall its your house and you bought 5 bags of cement.
Hi,please whatever you do,do not ask them yourself! You will only open pandora's box and start a war you will fight too hard and end up burnt(there will be no winner)... I can understand the need to make your home personal,but if they are really not giving you stress,relax and pray about it. I know its not easy,but trust God. It is well.
my dear don't confront them o! you would ve made sure they were not living with him before you walked down the aisle. you have to pray about it and whenever you bring it up to ur husband try not to nag.All the best.
...hey trust me on this, the more you want them outta of the house, the more angry and irritated you get seeing them. As soon as you start seeing it as a temporary thing, the moment you settle it in your mind that you will be happy in your marriage with the presence or non presence of inlaws, trust me, you will be amazed at how things would unfold.
Meanwhile, you had mentioned that they dont disturb you, so relax and wait for time to take charge. dont worry girl, i know how it is when you want to live your marriage and have hurdles. Stay blessed and keep praying...
What u tolerated from day 1,be ready to tolerate on. If he really wanted them to move,he would hav started the move b4 u guys got married. And you too shd have insisted on that. Sorry! U didn't say whether u hav kids. Family expansion. That's one reason,ur hubby will Agree with you easily on their leaving.otherwise,wit 4 rooms $ no issue yet,it will be hard for ur hubby to get an accomodation 4 them now.
If u really love ur husband,his family will be ur family,u will love them too and over look their short comings coz no1 is perfect even u,but confronting them is bargaining for a life time fight that might affect ur marriage.since ur hubby said that he will get a place for them just pray and be patient abt it. Tomo is pregnant.
But you say they don't give you any problems, not so?
I guess I know how you feel. Every woman likes her own tuff where she can call the shots. I guess you want a situation where you don't have to thread softly all the time. Well, you do have a point.
But have you considered your husband's financial position and how it'll affect you in future should he start keeping two homes? If he can afford it he should get his extended another place. If not you should find a way of accomodating them.
Some questions though. Who runs the house? I mean who does your husby give house keeping money? Are your husby's sibblings disrespectful to you? Or pointedly, who exactly is in charge?
If you have a good relationship with your in-laws, why change a winning atmosphere? I also think issues as you raise are a mindset thiing and if you decide to accept the situation calmly in your heart you maybe surprised that it's not a big deal.
However afterall said, it's good to let newly married couples be. If you can't bear it anymore find a day and time to revisit this with husby. Subtly let him know how you feel and the dangers ahead to your relationship. Also you may have to go through any of his close friends to talk to him without making it seem as if you sent him. Finally, do pray about it. Who knows? They may just all decide to pack and leave without your prompt. God works miraculously.
you have to be wise my dear,if you confront them,your husband might support them and you know what you might be the one to leave eventually,Use wisdom and just keep telling your husband you need your space until he listens,no need to rush afterall they are not creating problems in your home,MY 2 CENTS..
YOU ARE A VERY SILLY WOMAN. LOOK AT YOUR MOUTH AND MY MARRIAGE. YOU THINK YOU CAN BREAK A FAMILY APART. GET LOST WHORE. YOU EXPECT YOUR HUSBAND TO CHASE HIS FAMILY AWAY WHILE YOU RELAX. WHO ARE YOU? YOU ARE NOBODY. IF HE HAS ENOUGH MONEY HE WILL SURE RENT AN APARTMENT FOR THEM. BUT BECAUSE HE CAN'T AFFORD IT HE DECIDED TO SHELTER THEM. AND HERE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO THROW THEM OUT. I WISH SAME THING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN YOUR SON IF YOU HAVE ONE WHICH I DON'T EVEN WISH YOU HAVE WILL MARRY; AND HER WIFE WILL PLAN ON HOW TO KICK YOUR OLD ASS OUT. USELESS WOMAN. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS RESPONSIBLE MEN PICKS SUCH WICKED WOMEN FROM. DON'T LET ME LAY A CAUSE ON YOU BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL WORK WHERE EVER YOU. DON'T EVEN THINK OF SUCH THING: ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE THE DECISION: FOOLISH WOMAN; EWU HAUSA..KEEP GIVING YOUR HUSBAND PRESSURE AND THE NEXT THING HE AND HIS FAMILY WILL KICK YOUR SMELLING ASS OUTTA OF HIS HOUSE..
Whoever this woman is, she's a big fool. Confront them and you will be the one packing out.
She better just shut up and bare it, cos if she was wise, she wouldn't have married the guy until they had their own place.
Just because she is married now, all the pretense has ended abi, cos I am 100% sure she went with the flow when they were courting. Hahahaha, Nigerian women will never learn that men cannot change over night.
Just keep talking to your husband, and please don't confront him else na so your marriage don end oh. Like you said, he is very attached to them, and na you be the visitor as e be now oh.
Ur jst being plain stupid imagine tho it's hard buh pushn ur husbnd 2do so paints u in a bad lite b4 him v soon he wl implode nd ul sufa it continue listenin 2ur friends nd ruin ur home go nd confront them idiot nd watch them throw u lyk dirty water
Why do you want to cause problems where there is none ? You said yourself that they do not give you any problems ,so what is the issue ? I advise you let them be,and try to live at peace with them, you may just need this same people tomorrow, beleive me i am speaking from experience. Good begets good , if they are not troublesome, please do not stir up unnecessary conflicts.
My sisto,if you want peace in your life. DO NOT TRY TO CONFRONT THEM!!!!! get on your knees and pray that whetever bond should be broken by God, trust me it works
Never do that!Just keep praying for God to give them a place and make them desire to leave by themselves.Asking them to leave could bried enmity between you and your inlaws and trust me u dont wish for that,atleast for the sake of your kids.So my kind advice is keep enduring and keep praying.
Human are attached to their families and trust me, most promises don't get fufilled after marriage. Best advice, NEVER confront his family members because he will choose them over you since u could not convince him to ask tem to leave in the first place. Just leave it as it is with time they will all leave anyay
Dear, you can't do anything about it cos the family was there before you ever dreamt of being with your husband. It's a good thing you are not having problems with them, else you would have had hell with you while alive. Use this opportunity to create a one-big-family environment rather than planning to break it up. Besides, you were not blindfolded when you moved into that house to find out your husband lives with his family.
nah wah for this woman ohhh for wanting dem out abi you did not know that before. this is how we women look for trouble when trouble dey sleep him own jeje
Its not done that way,as long as they are not disturbing,why not have a child first for your husband and see as things turn out. If they are in their right state of mind they would get a place of their own before you know it..Please don't bring hatred into your family at dis early stage of your marriage.
Never u confront them. All u need to do is ask ur husband why he hasn't gotten a house for them and also keep on pressuring him to rent a house 4 them. Or may be he shld rent a house where u n him would live and leave his family 2 occupy that one. But i think his problem is wasting of finance.that is paying 2 different people's rent.
Believe me d moment u confront dem is gonna b d beginin of ur problem. Is his Mom, Siter and Brother we r talkin about here ohhh. These r his blood. If they were som distance relation it wld hav been a different case. Besides u said it ur self dat dey don't giv u problem so y don't u b alitl bit more patient till he gets dem a place like he said he wld!!! Well ofcuz cept if u r ready to take d risk of askin him to choose btwn u and his family which even u know very well d side he'll rather go with.
one thing my mama told me is ' never get involved wen the family of ur hubby is involved'. 'this is to ensure that u dont look like u re an enemy to them'. my advice is pray. nothin is impossible for GOD. ask him in prayers like Esther did, then talk to ur hubby abt how uncomfortable u re. tell him this wen ur sure he's havin a blissful moment with u. tell him calmly and explain ur reasons. if he luvs u ( i'm sure he does), then he'll yield. just rmbr that prayer must come first
there's nothing you can do,since you agreed to move in with him, you have moved in with the family, the only thing you can do now is to get your husband to get a smaller place so you can move out with him(maybe a two-bedroom apartment; they are not giving you problems, so you just have to adapt to them or move with your husband but you cant move them out.
All am gonna say íڪ dat Ʊ should be patient atleast it was not when Ʊ got married to him dat he brought in his family! Ʊ jes sit ur hubby down n talk to him abt it! Dnt jump d gun by taking matters into ur hands! Ʊ neva can tell if ur hubby has other plans for Ʊ! So babe relax, Ʊ've been enduring for a year plus now,its jes a matter of time!lin lin post my comment o
If they are not disturbing you, let them be. You have a happy marriage and your husband does not want them to leave, don't rock the boat. If he eventually forces them to leave, they will knw its bcos of u and that may be d beginning of problems for your marriage. If they were ur mum and siblings, wld u insist they leave?
since they are nt giving u problems, let sleeping dog lie or is dere sometin u ar nt tellin us like dem sleeping in ur mat bed? if nt, pls show dem more love & let dem b.
u are u?to send ur mother-in-law,sister,and brothers out of their brother's house?for what?u are only a wife.since they are not giving u problem then let them be .and moreover u meant them in the house u are married to the family and not ur husband allow okay?so pls dont let ur husband to see u as a bad wife.u may not no his mind.
Wow... This is a tough one sha. In as much as they r not giving u any probs, u can still live with them na. I understd u want ur space buh try n accommodate dem. Prolly they have this strong family tie. Betterstill, pray that ur hubby builds/buys another house so u both can leave.
Better still why don't u suggest u and ur hubby move out to a 2 bed flat and he continues to pay for the duplex till he cannot afford to any more .....that way you have ur own space and it us not like ur chasing anyone out
i was vry angry at you, but was calm when i saw d sensible comments frm follows readers. U b MUMU????? be patient oh.. it is a virtue. They will see the need to leave your home with time. If you are wise, u will get on your kneels more nd pray to God oh.. prayer is the ONLY solution, nd keep the good relationship the family ve with u.. NO MUMU urself ooooh
Jeez! the first person to comment here was really bitter...kinda like u r d mother of the boy, take it easy abeg...d lady is only asking becos she is uncomfortable in her own house...sometimes u respect some pple so much dat u always try to please dem even wen pleasing dem could affect u and maybe dats how she feels around dem....it happens.
dear writer, pls dont confront ur in-laws, let ur husband do dat and if he cant do dat due to financial probs dat u knw abt, den learn to be comfortable arnd ur in-laws.
My inlaws have lived with me from the very beginning, they are good to me so whats the fuss. Right now they help takecare of my kids while i go to work , i have a househelp yes, but nothing like a reliable family member around to keep an eye on your kids .
If they are good as you have said, then relax and live in peace with them.
You must be mad for this your stupid reply and i doubt if you are married and know what it means for grown-ups mostly in-laws to live with young couple.my dear try as much as you can to make ur hubby see reason with you cos it usually leads to disaster at the end of the day.
Alot of people here have told you the truth.They are not likely to leave, and if you do anything to force the situation, you will have longlife enemies on your hand.
This is what you should have insisted on before you got married and since you did not, you should learn to live with it. The brither and sister will go with time, but the mother you have to live with.
If you pressurise your husband too much, you will rsik enstrangement from him. Learn to be patient, more so they are not troubling you. You try putting yourself in their shoes and see how you will like it.
The probs with some ladies is that they find it difficult to Accommodate, share n Tolerate. Shouldn't b that way. Since they aint giving u probs, my dear, let it go. Thnk God its even a duplex. If na one n parlour nko? Confronting them will b the biggest mistake u will ever make on mother earth. I though I rily feel n understd u dear, buh pls take a chill pill.
My thought exactly, why not suggest to your husband that both of you should move out, even if its to a 1 bedroom apartment, start from there. But do not ever ask them to leave, shikenan!
The German Immigrant says...my own problem is that i don too stay abroad so i would find that quite irritating cos i've been so used to doing everything per head. But wait, after reading all the comments here it sounds like a unified naija voice saying dont start yawa. meaning if u do anything heroic ur fully on ur own in a naija setting. over to you lady. be wise...says The German Immigrant
Dear Poster, please don't confront them; that will be a very great and costly mistake; something that they will keep using to haunt you and might extend the ill feelings to your children. Please tread softly.
You never can tell, you might never their assistance one way or the other later in life; so please apply wisdom in handling this matter.
The bulk of the blame lies with your husband; he started this right from the beginning. He should have settled this accommodation issue before settling down.
My mom's sales girl and her siblings were staying with their eldest brother when he as still single; he was feeding them, paying the rent etc. When he was ready to settle down, you know what he did? He got himself another apartment and left his former apartment for his siblings, which means the expenses will be borne by them and them only. He'll only chip in when his assistance is needed.
He did this to avoid unnecessary tension for his wife and incoming family and also for him and his wife to have their OWN SPACE.
My take on this is this: your husband is your jackpot in handling this very fragile and sensitive matter. Beckon on him to get another accommodation for them. Let him handle this alone, please don't interfere. Ask him how he would feel if one of them barges into you two while having intimacy/when having your bath or dressing up.
In addition to this, I want to use my uncle's wife as an example of a woman who uses gentle persuasion to get what she wants. If any of her in laws do something that is really really getting to her, she won't confront them. She will relay her mind on the matter to my uncle. He will then be the one to take action thereby saving herself from unnecessary enmity that might have happened if she had done it her done.
Just have enough points to support yourself in convincing him lovely and gently. Please don't go the fighting, malice, no intimacy route. It might worsen it. Please include prayers also. I wish you the best as you handle this matter; this is a test of marriage and you have to pass it excellently well.
They were living together way long b4 he got married 2 u so y do u wnt 2 separate dem????????? See Women nd their wahala oooo........... Didn't u use 2 see dem wen u use 2 come 2 his house as his girl frnd????? Or did he marry u witout u coming 2 his house or meeting his family members??????? Ofcus u did.... Now he marries u in nd u wnt 2 chase his families away. Better leave a happy family alone. Join d peace or leave in pieces.
I will advise you to go with anon 12:47 & 12:57...try to be manipulative and you would end up manipulating yourself out of that house and marriage for good, also try to know who really owns that house knowledge is power your husband can tell you that it is his when it is not, only for you to find out he is also an occupant like the people you are trying to chase out. Please remain humble its too early to start showing yourself.
That was rather hash. The fool here is YOU! She was honest enough to admit they don't give her troubles. What's with all the insults huh. Meanwhile, what's with the CAPS!!!!! Phewwwww. Stop it already.
Abeg no confront dem as all readers have said above ... The only thing you need to dos ince they aint giving u issues or attitude is to pray fro ur husband to be more successful to rent an apartment for them .. chikena
No dear, dont confront them. its too early for that. just give them a chance.I believe your husband, though attached to them will sort things out. meanwhile try an be patience, since they dont give you trouble. Also remember they are also your family, so that your quick action does'nt degenarate to family scuffles and fueds and probably hatred. pls allow your husband handle it. just keep giving your husband positive reason why they should own their own apartment. wish U SUCCESSFUL FAMILY AHEAD
Rent an apartment for them now :( I would love to live with my husband ALONE! But occassionally take in family members temporally!!! Soo if u think u have can help them, why not.. I mean sex with ur husband should be wild and fun lol experimenting in different corners of the house.. Family will be spoiling show lool .... Just wait and see dear.. Don't start any wahala though
Linda you sure say this story na true. any how sha the woman way wan pursue im inlaws commot for house na wahala and trouble im dey find oooo na duplex dey live so the house suppose reach all of them if she chase dem away the day way im and her husband go get wahala who she go run go met for settlement i dey laff this girl she no no say na Africa we dey nuclear family na im we dey pratise
I understand the need to have ur own space infact ur "own home" cos with inlaws around it makes it feel like u dont have total control of ur living environment. its a very delicate matter as it involves ur husband's family. since they are not giving u issues i would advice u take it easy, NEVER confront them as u will only make yourself look bad before them. all u need to do is try to talk to your husband in a calm manner; remember they are his family, his blood. things will fall into place. it is going to be good.
Knows someone in your shoes,hubby said they would move out 1st year in marriage,its 7yrs now and they still havent left. The worst mistake u made was agreeing to marrying him in that condition. They would never leave oh! The earlier you embraced the situation the better for you. All you can do is pray about it, that they are successful in life,that ur br inlaw gets a good job n moves out n ur sis inlaw gets married n has kids so ur mum inlaw wld be goin 4 omugwo. Above all be patient and endure.believe me they would scrutinize your every move n might make nasty comments but just love them n be nice to them. Dont go harrassing your hubby for them to move out oh,it might cause serious enemity between the two of you.be really close to God,it would help you a great deal. Goodluck
My dear, i thank God they are not giving U problems. I"m also in yr shoe nd my hus. supported their living but meanwhile pray,keep calm ,respect all of them including yr hubby nd apply wisdom nd it work 4r me as well.
My dear, i thank God they are not giving U problems. I"m also in yr shoe nd my hus. supported their living but meanwhile pray,keep calm ,respect all of them including yr hubby nd apply wisdom nd it work 4r me as well.
Abet go & have several sits jare, if they whr giving you wahala then I'll be like ok you have to get them out. You better not forcefully try to get them out becuase the last thing you want is for your in laws to hate you.
Idiot ...You are the trouble kind of lady I guess ...Listen this trouble you are about to bring ..If it starts ,,,I gurantee that you are the one to lose..... Them staying there doesn't make the house less of your own...So be wise
Wow i can't imagine dis,confront ur mother-in-law and ur husband's siblings cos u want privacy?Now i kw some women r enemies of progress,i want 2ask u my own question?do u want 2tell me u wuld v also ask ur husband 2 eject ur own mother n siblings if they r d ones staying wth u pple?Do u want 2tel me dat u'l rather b hapi seeing ur own husband in enemity wth his own family jst cos of u? Do u also kw how far they family v come?now cos u'r a wife now,ur husband shld eject his pple cos u'r who? And d same u said they r nt giving u pblem, they privacy u'r looking for is it not 2control ur husband? Cos u can tell me ur mother-in-law sleeps in d same bed or room wth ur husband? Or does she stops u frm fucking ur husband as many rounds as u want? Y can't u allow them 2 at least enjoy d peace and 2gatherness God v blessd them wth, ova possessiveness is vry bad,
IT'S EASY! GIVE HIM CHILDREN AND HE WILL BE FORCED TO MOVE THEM OUT. BE HAPPY NONE OF THEM SHARES YOUR BEDROOM WITH YOU, I WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE SAID. PATIENCE SISTER!
IN OUR NIJA CULTURE YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO THE FACT THAT WE THOROUGHLY BELIEVE IN THE EXTENDED FAMILY, AND THERE IS REALLY NOTHING U CAN DO..JUST PRAY THAT THE SISTER AND BROTHER GET MARRIED SOON AND LEAVE..THIS IS OUR CULTURE WHERE THE EXTENDED FAMILY COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE...ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP WE WERE NEVER ALONE...IT WAS ALWAYS ONE UNCLE, AUNTY, COUSIN, COUSINS, YOU NAME IT STREAMING IN AND OUT EITHER FOR DAYS, MONTHS, OR YEARS.....IN NIJA THEY CAN ACTUALLY BE USEFUL WITH HOUSEWORK.....
Anonymous August 15, 2012 12:44 PM you are very funny o. whats she being greedy about. my dear i understand what you are going through. its annoying having to live in your new husbands house with family. this time is meant for just you and him. not the whole family. but still the economy is sort of bad right now so it may be more difficult for him to get a place for them. i feel you should just be patient and pray cause you do not want to confront them or give him an ultimatum. that would only make matters worse. you can like to use your woman ways to let him know the things he has to forfeit because his family lives with you guys. *wink*
people should please stop condemning this lady jor. she wants her privacy, she needs it sef. i can relate to that. as i am i dont really even like having my own family over for more than a month not to mention his. i am not a mean person or anything bt i cherish my privacy. her marriage is only a yr old and she is having to live with his whole family. it is annoying now. you too sef put yourself in her own shoes. growing up i lived in a duplex with my family members and it still wasnt enough for me to have that privacy all the time. there can never be privacy when she is living with other people. A new couple for that matter. but yet she needs to be comfortable. first things first you should have let him know the sort of person you are. that you dont like things like that before marriage so you wouldnt have been in this situation, he would have found a solution before marrying you. since you ddnt do that, all you can do now is be patient. pray and do not nag or act cruel towards them. do not give him an ultimatum. infact start telling yourself that you like them being around. maybe soon you would believe it. try to see it as temporary and by Gods grace they would leave sooner than you know it
I understand t could be choking ESP if u have never had a free moment wt ur man, but patience my dear, pray that GOD wl move their heart away from ur home and long for a place of their own, confrontation has never done anything positive, so don't even try t
You want to confront your in-laws? In Naija? You wanna die early? Lol even a European thinking man like myself knows that's a no-no in Africa. Yet, it must be done. You cannot share your house with your in-laws. If you feel uncomfortable, probably because you can't fully express yourself the way you want due to the others being there, then yes, you should relay the problem to your husband. Don't go to his family. You're just gonna start a fight, and trust me, this is one fight you will not win. They were there before you came.
Also, be patient. Consider the fact that maybe your husband isn't as wealthy as to afford another house for his fam, and from the sound of it, he's the breadwinner in the family, which means he can't just toss them out like a rubbish bin.
Be cool. Be calm. In fact, help your husband speed up the process of moving your in-laws out. Get a job, if you don't have one. And if you do, put some money down (along with him) towards building a new home, or whatever. Just don't go around cooking up shit you can't handle.
Princess of Zion na u get talk jor and some others who spoke in ur direction.'A man shall LEAVE his family n cleave...' So all those judging her did u see that in your bible.PLZ dear your feelings are right but I will advice you don't confront them but keep on talking to your husband camly and pray also,because God will give you your heart desires cause your heart desires aint bad at all.
Hmmmm, some people can throw words anyhow sha. somebody is asking for advice nd pple ar busy hating. Well, I will advice that you discuss with ur hubby, find out why they are not moving out yet,you can even on ur own check for vacant apartments nd discuss them with ur hubby, do it privately nd jokingly find out if he really wants them out or not. Dnt give him so much pressure abt d whole tin @ all. Nd dnt 4get 2 put it in prayers.
i don grab my guguru and ekpa with fanta cola to read all these clowing messages from you LIB readers chei see batching. well the woman in question ole oloju kokoro ni e so you did not see that they were in the house before you married and you could not make sure that they left before you moved in.
you would stay put there and don bring wahala upon yourself as you said dem no dey give you trouble so why pure pertol in burning fire ehhh don say dem no warn you ohhh
you for kuku pack all their bags outside and lock the house and sit inside before your hubby come and if he talks you park his things out as well nonsense just stop complaining and put up with it. if you hubby no get money rent accomodation for dem unkor
All of you on this blog you are all so so so so funny and pathetic! do you all have the slightest idea about what it means to live in the same house with your inlaws?. i guess you don't, because that is why you are all wagging your white coated tongue about her being selfish and all that. let me warn you, you can never know what she is going through until you wear her shoes. and i pray you never ever experience it, because then you may never ever get out of it. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i am so disappointed at the way most people comment, they do it as if they are under the influence of Marijuana, heroine, cocaine all at once and i have noticed that ugly people dish out the worst comments on this blog.
August 15, 2012 3:01 PM thank you this is how we women create problems for ourselves. family that have been in existence for years she now wants to split them oga ohh lady you best think well before dem kick you out of your luggae don say you were not warned.
babe, my mum lived wit all my dad's siblings cos he trained dem. I grew up seeing uncles nd aunts in our 4 bedroom Duplex but today dey are all well placed, an aunt of mine whose husband my dad trained entered d family mouth first (as in she said things like 'i want us to be left alone' i'm telling you na she dey beg for r/ship now nd unfortunately 4 her,my uncle works in an oil company but is very stingy, whole family now says she is d one finishing his money nd d man keeps gvng pple dat impression, my mum keeps using her to advice us oh. convert the energy you'll use to drive dem away into praying dat God settles them nd 4 ur Mother-in-law hmmm Iya ni wura ooo. Linda abeg post my comment
my dear, i feel your pain, i can understand the need for space. though i am not married, i live with my siblings and yes they do not give me problems but sumtyms its just gets annoyin, as they are always in my space, using my things and making a mess of everything especially my brothers. fact is i love them but sumtyms i just need my space and me time wch i cant get cos someone is always in my space. that said, i think it should have been an agreement before stepping into the marriage, cos the timing sorta makes it difficult nw. as for those castigating the lady, dnt u know ow it is to be newly we, how you just wanna touch, and do stuff all around your house without three pairs of eyes watching you, and people keeping tabs on everything you do, being very cautious not to step on toes in your own home again, abeg free the babe, am sure they arent giving her any problems because shes trying her best to get along with them, trust me there is a limit and if she cannot be free in her own home, wher can she be. all said please do not confront them but have a serious conversation with your husband and let him know your fears and thoughts and also pray to God abt it and please do not nag, cos this is a sensitive isssue, his family so tread carefully. all trhe best dear! my 2 cents
If may say you my dear married friend is very selfish. First of all you knew his family lived with him before you married him. In Nigeria or most african and third world countries immediate families live together. You said they are not bothering you so why do you want to create a problem where ther is none. I believe you are just selfish and should buckle down and enjoy your marriage before you anger your inlaws, and as you noticed his always going to side his family, dont forget that you are not yet a 100perecent part of that family until you give him a child, so thread softly.
I'M tired of all these cursing..please what has the lady done to you that would make you call her names...she just has issues cant you talk like civilized humans??? Linda as much as u try to check comments you are not doing a good job...a lot of comments posted here should nOt have been...pls be more strict with ur screening.. people are just nuisance...they see this as an avenue to rain abuses on people they don't even know its insane..people that u see outside and u are not up to the shoes on their feet, you come here and insult them. no form of decency..this blog is becoming razz please check it
I couldn't be more angered by this crap and all the I-need-privacy tutors here. Thank God you confessed they are not troubling you. You young irresponsible ladies think its all over once your claim you are married. Someday remember friend, you will be a mother with a son married to a another woman..
Things like this make me wonder if people really know what marriage is all about. Common this is Nigeria; the people raised, trained and packaged this man to who he is today. Years of sacrifice and one fool things she alone deserves to enjoy the benefits of their labour. Listen, if you can’t cope, divorce him; himself and his family will be better of without you.
Leave them the place then, rent out the other rooms and go find a home of your own. I understand the need for newly married couple to have the sense of being on their own and building their life together. Sometimes you just wan tto get down and dirty in the kitchen or living room, you can't really be free in that way. I wouldn't stir up any strife because the parents would be there to help with children when you do decide to have them. The situation sucks, but do the best to make it work if he has no plans to make a move. Look for the positives.
My brother I tire o!! All these girls wey dey find ready-made guys and now she wants to reap where she has not sown. Does she know how the house was acquired? Rubbish!!!
my candid advise is for you and your husband to get a 2bedroon flat or bungalow and leave them in that duplex, dont listen to useless friend that will mislead you. dont ever misbehav to them, leave them alone, sometimes we woman are so self fish, we dont wnat in law to come near our husband, u dont knw what mama had suffered to bring up that man (ur husband).
dont play with fire. u guys can pack out for them to stay. or have weekend in hotel with your husband.
People r so quick to use insultive words. Jeez! Dnt be so qick to bash this lady pls. I know wat it feels like to live with ur in-laws esp if u just got married! its not easy! Evry1 nids deir space/privacy! I think som pple here hv said some sensible tinz already... Please jus be patient.. i doubt if they'll live with u forever(at least not all of them)..
Madam it drives me crazy wen I hear stories lyk dis. U saw dat n u stil decided 2 move in. Manage o n don't cause wahala 4 urself Sinx de r nt givin u issues.
Hmmm, babes!!! If I'm to be completely honest with you, you are to be blamed. You knew his family was living with him before you got married to him and u accepted to move in with them and join them. That only shows to say that u were cool with the whole idea. So why the sudden change of mind? And to even think u want to confront them? That's not an issue to be considered at all. It's not in your place to confront them and ask them to leave. If anything, your hubby should do that and that's if there's somewhere else suitable for them. I mean you can't ask them to leave and go live ond streets. The responsibility of a married man is to his wife and kids an also his immediate family. And the truth is no matter how much a man loves you, you can't compare to his mother. He sees and loves you differently. You said yourself that they ate nostressing you so you just have to endure for now bearing in mind that nothing is permanent in life. They can't live with you forever, it isn't possible. You can also look at it from a bright side, you will always have people around and when you start having kids, you will be rest assured your child is in good hands. Having said that, I understand what you're going through in terms of having your own space but my dear, you didn't object before marriage and didn't think about that, so you have to
haaaaaa, easy o. you have to exercise wisdom. First and foremost you met them there, you knew wht you were going into before you married him. Understand that they wont be there for ever,bt if really its affecting your marriage, you can offer to share the expense of getting them a befitting house with your husband......please make it sound as if his mother deserves more than a room to herself, make it look as if she deserves a house she can call her own and do her own thingy....he is more prone to listen to you better.
WOW MY SISTER IN LIVED IN FAMILY HOUSE WITH MY HUSBAND FOR A WHILE....ITS A NO NO NO
HERE ARE THINGS AM GETTING THAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE MENTIONED...THE CONSTANT MANIPULATIONS AND INTERFERENCES... MY HUSBAND MADE IT SEEM IT WAS A TEMPORARY SITUATION BUT ITS WASN'T TRUE. WHEN I EVENTUALLY FOUND US A PLACE TO MOVE AND I EVEN HAD THE MONEY IN HAND HE KEPT GIVING EXCUSES UNTIL IT DAWNED ON ME THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PLAN OF MOVING.
WE COULDN'T EAT WHAT WE WANTED COS I HAD TO COOK FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY AND WE COULDN'T AFFORD IT.MY HUSBAND COULDN'T SAVE COS HE SPENT HIS MONEY ON THEM NOT EVEN PRIORITIZING ON ME.
IT WAS HORRIBLE!! I HAD TO PAY FOR A PLACE AND TELL HIM IF HE WASNT MOVING THEM HE SHOULD STAY, BUT ME I CANT CONTINUE. BUT I NEVER CONFRONT HIS FAMILY ONCE DESPITE ALL THEY SUBJECTED ME TO. YOU MUST TAKE A STAND THAT IF HE WANTS A HAPPY HOME HE NEEDS TO TAKE A STAND AND DONT STOP PRAYING ABOUT IT
Endure and talk calmly to your hubby explaining the importance of intimacy to newly weds. All d best dear. PS: what you won't take in marriage, don't agree to it while dating. Love is no longer blind, it now wears contacts. Lol.
we alwaiz under-estimate the power of prayer, i advice u not to confront them, bt pray to God over it. look for a gud time to talk to ur hubby esp wen he is happy in a lienient way.all d best
I feel your pain. Don't mind those calling you a selfish person. My advise is to be patient and prayerful. My situation was worse. At a point in my marriage, my husband had no income at all and he went ahead to bring three of his cousins to live with us in our flat. I had to use my meager salary then to feed myself, three children, husband and his three cousins!. I also had to borrow money from my parents to pay the house rent! But I endured by the grace of God. So my Dear, please endure, the situation will change after some time. That is marriage for you.
U wld done dat during courtship not now well i understand u need space but dere is nothing u can do ˚NƠ̴̴̴̴͡wº° just pray dat God give u d spirit of patience to live with dem thk God dey are not giving u problem.
Yemi said... The first mistake you made was moving in when you were already aware of the situation on ground. It is also obvious that your husband is not a man of his own that is why he continues to hold on to his family despite the fact that he is married. I don't know if you're a Christian but the Bible says a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. At least you are both supposed to spend the early part of your marriage without interference from either family so that the foundation of your home is solid. You can only sort this out on your knees because it is also obvious that your inlaws are not sensitive. Would his mother or sister be able to take what you are taking if they found themselves in the same situation? I pray God gives you the wisdom and patience you need at this time
U guys shudnt judge her, my advice is not to make d mistake of confrontin his family but talk to ur husband! Dey r not havin problems but I can bet dat eventually dey will ve problems!so try to avoid it now
Thunder fire the girl that will tell me to kick my family out of our home...I will not think twice before I kick her out. Shuo, you wey them add to family to train wan come turn vampire. Holy ghost fire will burn you. People of the world....its not a one size fits all oh. All fingers are not equal. Make him a better man if you truly love and build a new home.
My advice is to persevere, you cant confront them and if i were you i wont bring it up with your husband, instead i will tell him to book weekends away occasionally so that you can have him all to yourself for at least a few days. Gradually he will start seeing the sense in having your little privacy. If you bring it up with your husband, you will surely put him in a dilenma as he will be caught between you and his family. Most men that house their family are already olori ebis. When they eventually leave which they would , you dont want your husband to feel you are now happy especially as it will take him sometime to get used to being without his siblings and mum.
Have you been to Mexico before or Latin American countries...a whole generation of family live together, and thats because the understand the value of Family...You have now the best gift ever, dont spoil it
Keep ur mouth shut... What do u knw? What was she thinking when she was dating him? Didn't he bring her home? Didn't she see the family members? Weren't they having sex while dating in the same house with family members? Don't give advice to some one and ruin her home cos I don't see anything wrong.. She didn't say they are causing problems cos if she did,the advice would be different. But she didn't complain about that so she should find a way to leave with them,cos if she talks to her hubby 2much,he will just start getting angry and there marriage will just start suffering or if she confronts them her self,she would just bring an end to the marriage cos men don't joke with there mom.. Besides none of them would stay with her for so long,the sis would get married,likewise the brother.. All she need do is get there love and attention and the man won't be able to do anything to her or they whole family will gang up on him,and she needs to love them genuinely cos it wud help a lot.. So woman,keep ur home so that it doesn't crash. U are just newly wed,don't spoil it
Shut it.. She met them there,she agreed to marry him knowing he was leaving with the mom,so what are u saying,if u have nothing to say pass the mic pls#lame
Am sure 99% of u commentin here are not married, dats y u all can talk bullshit! D only mistake she made was to accept to move in d first place but at d same time its not her fault cuz she can't delay her marraige just bcus she wants her husbands fam to leave! He told her he wud get dem deir own place and she agreed but most men find it difficult to fulfil dat wen u guys. R already married! I ve bEen married for a year and my husband left where he used to stay with his brother and got another apartment for us but stil an elder bro of his came and acted like he was comin for a visit and d next tin, he started leavin with us and I and my hubby already agreed dat no fam member wud stay to avoid issues!and my own case a a little different cuz dis one is bossy, very bossy just bcus he is my husbands elder bro, trust me its annoyin and frustratin! Don't relax much bcus dey r not givin problems, its been just a year and still fresh! Look for a way out by talkkin to ur hubby about bcus eventually, u will definately have issues! Definately!
people can be wicked, you mean you cant shealter a homeless person, provide food and clothing...talk more of your husband family. Where is all this western ideas getting us to, disintegration of family value and lack of love. Thats why we have such crime rate and useless society because of all this western idea..what kind of sex do you mean....is sex everything...Haba, i love privacy, but not above Family..Family is all there is.
THERE IS NO NEED TO CONFRONT THEM. YOUR HUSBAND IS YET TO REALIZE THAT FOR THIS REASON, A MAN SHALL LIVE HIS... AND CLING TO HIS WIFE. HE IS STILL A BON-BOY. SINCE YOU SAID HE'S ATTACHED TO THEM, HE WILL NOT OBLIGE YOU THE REQUEST NOW. YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD IT AS A PRECONDITION TO MARRYING HIM. SORRY, YOU JUST HAVE TO LEAVE WITH IT AND PRAY THAT ONE DAY, THE VEIL WILL BE LIFTED OFF HIS EYES...
simple advice...when he's good and ready, he will get to it before then all you'll gain is a bad headache and very pissed off in-laws. Do not misunderstand, you have more right to him but you see, in this case, what you need is strict diplomacy. Set your space but do guard it jealously and all the best.
since dey r not giving u problems what is peeling ur skin, did u not c dem b4 u moved into d house or r u jealous of their closeness. If u make them quarel and leave d house, u will not find peace in ur home.
first mistake was moving in when his family was still with him, love must have blinded you then, so its understandable, apparently he enjoys his family being around, but what you can do is sit him down from time to time and make him realize through subtle hints that you are his primary family now..he has to detach from his immediate family,what about when kids start coming,is he planningon living an ecomog existence all his life.and my sister your surest bet is prayr, the Lord will not turn his ears from his children, seek his counsel on what to do..it is well...hipsy
No dear, dont confront them. its too early for that. just give them a chance.I believe your husband, though attached to them will sort things out. meanwhile try an be patience, since they dont give you trouble. Also remember they are also your family, so that your quick action does'nt degenarate to family scuffles and fueds and probably hatred. pls allow your husband handle it. just keep giving your husband positive reason why they should own their own apartment. wish U SUCCESSFUL FAMILY AHEAD
madam house owner... how wud u feel if the table is turned around; your daughter in-law comes from no whr and decides that she wants u out of your son's house. the son u struggled so had to make him who he is. don't create problems for urself,pls.
Don't you think you shld find out why they have been living with him that long first? you met them there, you guys live in a $bedroom Duplex and they don't give you problems, what the hell is your problem???why don't you enjoy the peace you have instead of starting an unnecessary fire. in a Four bedroom house, what do you want to do that you possibly cannot???Get over it my dear and accept your family....
Girls? Na wa! If she had behaved like she wanted her space will this guy marry her? why does she expect this guy to throw his family away especially as they r not giving her any problem? God pls protect my sons frm girls like this missy.
HEY MISSY .NO ONE IS DISTURBING YOU,SO WHY ARE YOU BOTHERED. YOU SHOULD HAVE WANTED YOUR SPACE BEFORE MOVING INTO THAT HOUSE BY NOT MOVING IN AT ALL.THAT IS THEIR HOUSE NOT YOURS. IF YOU NEED SPACE LET YOUR HUSBAND GET YOU A ONE ROOM APARTMENT.HONESTLY WE LADIES LOOK FOR UNNECESSARY TROUBLE WHERE THERE IS NONE. MISSY JUS RELAX AN ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE .IT IS TOO EARLY FOR DRAMA.
Madam of the house... advise your husband to change the house to two 2bedroom apartment... you and your husband carry one his family carry one...simple... You must never confront his family to move out....
250 comments:
1 – 200 of 250 Newer› Newest»You have to keep working on your husband and praying for God to work on him and his family. You can't confront them under any circumstances! You will get answers to this with prayers
U com from no whr and u wnt to kick his mother and siblings out of the house...whr was she wen d guy was struggling with d mother and siblings. U jst com out from nowhr and stat making. Rules
Give them some more time...I understand ur plight..I love my family members,but I love my privacy more...jst don't push it so hard so it won't look like u re crazy...and no one shld judge her biko...its only normal to want to ve ur home and ur husband to urself...
Confront them for what exactly? This is how people bring unnecessary problems into their lives oh. The person you need to be discussing it with is your husband as he is the one to get them a place as they where there before you and if not carefully handled may be there after you are asked to leave. It's his family and it is a delicate issue for him and you. How you treat them will also determine how your own family members are treated. So, talk to your husband calmly and rationally and explain why you think it's best to look for a place for them and ask him what is holding him back from getting this done.
HAVE YOU ASKED YOURSELF ABOUT THE FINANCES OF THE PEOPLE YOU CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE TO DISAPPEAR OUT OF YOUR SIGHT? YOU ARE JUST A SELFISH IDIOT! WITH THE WAY YOU ARE GOING,YOUR MARRIAGE MAY NOT LAST MUCH LONGER
You must be silly! You met them in the house before you entered, now you want to drive them away. You must be joking. Learn to live with them dear, you'll get used to it.
this woman is been unfair to the husband's family. why should they move out if they are not giving her any problems? there is no justification for this as far as am concern. i will only support her if there's any trouble within.
wetin u wan stay d do for four bedroom duplex alone??? well u need ur space agreed, but u also need ppl around u! u said it urself! they are not giving u problems, his sister will eventually get married and the brother too so they will leave, u shld be thanking God that they are not giving u problems instead of asking them to leave, if u do what u have in mind, u will loose ur peace without anyone judging u.
М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ dear, ve been married for Five yrs now. And ΨђåƮ ever am gonna say now Ȋ̝̊̅§ out of Experience. Dont let Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я husband do this and dont do it urself. If they aint giving U̶̲̥̅̊ probs, then condition Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я mind as if U̶̲̥̅̊ r living with Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я mum and sibblings. I know and understand Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я feelings i.e wanting Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я man's full attention to urself. But JƱڪτ̲̅ get dis straight and right, "they r never gonna live with U̶̲̥̅̊ forever". Also, keep praying for God's guidance. Its only his grace dat can keep U̶̲̥̅̊ going.
All i can say is pele!! But can he afford to move out, or move them out or not? If he can then he is nothing but a goat. Which kain rubbish attachment is that?! Guess being married was more important than your peace of mind cos u shdv made sure u had a home to go to after the wedding. Cant see myself living with anybody...esp at such early stage in the marriage. But his family no get sense oh! Cant they jst excuse themselves and let the young couple be? So no sex in the kitchen and all that stuff? Cheii! What a life. Abeg talk to ur hubby again cos i dnt think he understands how big of a deal this issue is to you. If he still refuses---that's if he can afford it oh!!---then maybe have a word with his sis...get her to understand, and talk to her bro. Good luck
Tule tule, is ur hubby u shud face or betterstill u move out with ur hubby, some women sha u went into it wiv ur eyes wide opened now u want to scatter the family, u shud neva av Agreed to move in wiv dem initially, that's marriage for you, now u want to "daleru" gudluck wiv dat
Do that at your own peril. Firstly, count yourself lucky as one of the few that have no issues with the in-laws. Since they are not giving you any problem, why not let the sleeping dog lie? In an attempt to eject them from the place they've always known as their home, your family life will be seriously affected - remember, your husband is attached to them.
My candid advise to you - let time take care of the situation. Mama may eventually go to your husbands sibling, the younger ones will go to school or get married, etc. Good luck to you.
Don't confront them! It shouldn't be a permanent situation, so I advise that you speak with him and tell him it is too uncomfortable for you!
The Word commands that he leave his father and mother and cleave to you; that includes not living together! Speak to him and tell him you are tired; don't fight or shout, be calm and honest and tell him why they should go and explain the benefits it would bring to him and to you as a couple!
Pray about it and also tell your Pastor about the situation and he can also advise your husband! All the best dear
It's the Celebration of Marriage Week- Appreciate your spouse today
www.princessofzion.wordpress.com/2012/08/15/sex-and-marriage
No in law shud stay in ur matrimonial for less than a month. I hate wen in-laws stay more than their time.. If she and her discuss about them having their 'time' I think he will understand.
ONOME says.......
My dear,I can feel your pain o:(
It is really a great inconvenience.You should have made sure they had left the house before you even married him.His mother,sister,brother????
You try.I don't thinking would have been able to stay put for this long.I dont even want my own relations to stay over for more than 3weeks at a stretch,after that they need to go back to their respective homes eiiiiisssssshhhhh.You need to leave me and my husband and children to stay by ourselves o,thank you very mussssh.
I can't advice you o,that is the African abi na Nigerian way for you.I really do empathise with you but i'll like to read other "wiser" individuals take on this.
If they don't give u problems, why are u then in a hurry to push them out of the house? Give ur husband time to get them a place jor
are you sure the house is his or his parent´s?
No! If you confront them, you will regret it later on in your marriage.
It is very easy for any one to ask you to let them be, since they give you no trouble, but I think you deserve to enjoy your marriage.
In laws who give you no problems are the best family you've got there. Many are looking for what you have on a platter of gold!
Continue to be nice to them, so that when they eventually get their own place, they won't turn against you. Your husband could be the bread winner of that family. Do not forget that this is Africa! He had them before you and getting married to you does not make them lesser family members. They are still his flesh AND BLOOD TOO.
What if money to set them up is the little challenge your husband is having? Be patient with him.
Do not nag about his family staying with you!
Give him convincing, realistic and and genuine reasons why you want him to get a place for them.
Sacrifice pays. Do not keep a distance. Remain friendly to every body in your home. OK.
I suggest that you visit: wives townhall connection and read more on marriage tips.
All these parasites that don't know when to leave people's houses. So irritating........the man is married abeg make them leave joooo
You r a wicked girl... So your husband's relative can't leave with u??? Do u know if he has the money to rent another apartment for them??? Self Centered girl..
U want to bring problem to your own life. if you are leaving with them without problem as you have rightly said your self then why do want to create one by your own hand.
DNT CONFRONT DEM, B PATIENT..
I empathize with this lady. I don't think she should confront them, it would only make them hate her and her husband might never forget such confrontation. I just think she should speak to her husband again and tell him how important it is for them to have their own private lives together and also tell him that if he doesn't move them she might quietly move out eventually as she has had enough.
its not rilly ur duty as a woman 2 drive dem out.dats ur hubby's. H/w shud try 2 reason more wi ur hubby.d home its 4 u and ur husband. Sorry jst endure until dey leave.if u use force dey wil label u n hate u 4 dat.
dont try to confront them. that would backfire. why dont you pray about it then discuss it with your husband especially before sex or during his favorite meal..
I hope you are not a Nigerian...
It's best you handle the situation through your husband since he gave you his word before marriage. Insist he gets an apartment for them and equally furnish it if he's capable of doing so. If he does not get them another place, they're definitely not leaving.
i understand were you are coming from... but this is something you should have ironed out before you got married while still engaged. you waited too long now if you speak up you're going to be the bitchy wife! and also its isn't in your place to ask them out! that's his mother! look at it this way your son's wife asking you to leave? and siblings! he will resent you if you do, also the beginning of the end of your marriage. so be patient, keep asking your husband. it will happen with time, he cant just do it so suddenly ,he's probably trying to protect you so it doesn't seem like you're the reason he is asking them out...... in the mean time learn to love them being with you. as the saying goes if life throws you lemons make lemonade
You are really insane..
This is sad, one mistake you made though was to move into the house in that condition. It will be very difficult to make the go and NO you cannot tell them unless you want that house to me a war zone for you.
If the reverse is the case, ur brother married and asked u and your mother to leave the house even when there is no place to go, how will u feel? Most people are just intolerant.
They should have moved out before they got married. Seems like the man can't let them go. It's going to take a lot of prayers and kabashing to make them move.
If I was faced with the situation I wouldn't confront them. Instead I would suggest to him that we both move out and into our marital home.
my dear, u are not the only one leaving with ur in-laws. the good tin dir is that , he owns the house. so, plead with him before you start having children
Can be truly difficult indeed,you feel monitored and cant freely express yourself like you would love to.I wont advice you to ask them to leave but if you are a praying woman I would advice you to go on your knees and sort it out with God.One thing I know is the bible says for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.If God said it I believe he'l help you achieve it.
Sorry dear, learn to live with them cos u met them there. U shld av sorted dt out before moving into d house. If u try to confront them on dt issue, dts a step outside d door for u.
firstly seek God intervention, this situation you are into is somehow critical, most especially when hubby is attached to families, dnt try any form of confrontation or else life would be more difficult for you, my advise is to stay more calm and find easy way of persuading hubby to get them their own home thanx
your husband is the only one that can make that decision and execute it. your in-laws will not move until your husband makes up his mind
learn to tolerate their short comings
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Confronting them your self will be the biggest mistake & might ruin your marriage.....there's no need for that,he's attached to them like u said & have been living together long before u got married,since they giving u no trouble just be patient and let your husband play his role as the man of the house & do it at his own time,he has already promise u he will do it so please don't go above him & avoid listening to friends advise,it's dangerous and can break ur marriage.....say bless from kings in UK
No sweets, you don't confront them. Instead, find out what is keeping your hubby from resetteling them, then sit with him and find solution to it. Its probably financial. So u can come up with suggestion on getting a place you and your husband can afford. Remember to be cautious, sensitive and pray for the guidiance of the holy spirit while at it so you don't cause yourself more harm in the process. Goodluck.
Ify.
I wouldn't advise you to confront them b4 u become the wicked new wife that wants to separate them from their son/brother.... keep pestering your husband till he gives in
I KNW U NID UR OWN SPACE..Buh abeg take am easy..@least dey r not giving u problem..dey r his family and part of his life even long b4 u..my advice is dat u shud pursue moving out wit him to anoda place..maybe you've not started having kids ,dats why he's delaying..
Deal with it. They are his family were there before you
Dear LIB reader,
the truth is, the day u ask them to leave that house is the day u start having problems in that family. My advice will be that; u sweetly talk your husband into getting another apartment, no matter how small it is so u and ur husband can leave the apartment for them so could have "your space". The apartment u'll leave for them is still yours since its your husband's. I wish u luck and great wisdom...
haba... they are not ticking you off and you want them to leave ? did you not see them before you got married to him ? a promise is a promise oh just leave them jeje, how can you evict tenants who happen to be there before you... sister look not for trouble when there is none.
Don't make the mistake of confronting them o I beg of u. The best way out is for ur hubby to get a 2-bedroom flat for both of u to move into. One would expect that they would have moved out even before ur wedding but since dy have not just get ur own apartment. I know dis will require a lot of prayers n patience on ur part. I pray that God will strenthen u n give u wisdom.
I have just one question for you; If it were your mother, sister and brother living in that house, would you kick them out of it, even when they don't give you any problem whatsoever?
From @Ojaysimpson85
confront ba wo!!!?
u had beta start making him see reasons why. You don't have to go all emotional all the issue has he wont understand. Men think logically; hence you have to give him logical reasons why.
eg.
1. how it would be good for only both of u to walk nacked in the house. or during sex you feel some1 is watchin or listening
2. how cost of living of your household would drop; even though he gets a place for them. everyman likes to spend less.
3. how you need to prepare for your kids.
There are loads off option, just dont approach the situation with emotions... cos he will not understand
dont b hash on dem just tel ur husband evry day even in d midnit
Please, save us this blah blah blah. You knew he was living with his family before you got married to him and still went ahead to move in. You should have sorted that out before marriage. Now you want them out. Like this is fair.You better don't go asking them to leave otherwise you will end up on the streets. Family bonds are hard to break. It still beats me why you didn't settle that affair before marriage. You were in a hurry right? The important thing "is to get married joo. We will settle the rest on the way". Things don't work that way. That's why it is key to define every thing in your relationship before going ahead with marriage.
However,I feel for you sha.It's really a difficult thing to be living with family.What a pressure.Your husband is the only solution here.Don't put to much pressure on him sha so you don't lose the game.Rather than wait for him to secure a place, tell him you are willing to support him in getting them a place.Raise some cash to contribute.Maybe this may work.
Madam dont try it at all because when you married him it was not just hime you married it was his whole family same as yours, good thing he's family does not give you trouble, from my experience they would all leave except his mum and she would be of help most times.
you sef no check am say na family house you pack enter! if na you u go pursue them/ check am na.
You said they don't give you trouble. if truly they don't give you trouble and you don't foresee any trouble why hurry your husband. Be wise and don't get into unnecessary problem with your husband. Don't quarrel with him to send them away rather persuade him. Be wise
U caused it. Y would u move in with them to start with? Now moving them out can create friction amongst yall. I wish u well tho, cause dis whole inlaw thing can b annoying.
Speaking frm experience, dont confront them pls. Its between u and ur hubby. Use the woman in you to make him get them out. Dont give him deadlines and dont nag. Apply wisdom!
Since u said they are not giving u problems, why don't u let it lie fallow & let nature run it's course? *amrra*
What you should have done is to see if he would move them out before the marriage. I think if someone is behaving one way before a marriage, don't expect the person to change after the wedding ceremony.
It is not your place to confront them since you met them there. You need to work on convincing your husband to help them find their own place. If he disagrees, then you have to bear it.
Hello, since they are not disturbing you, their is no point. Moreover if they have where to stay am sure they will go and it will be very wrong of you to send them away. Just be patient and be friendly with them.
Confront ke? That is the last thing you want to do. As you said they are not giving you any problems, its best you pray about it and just hope things gets better for them so that they can afford their own place. If you ever make them think that you are the root cause of your husband telling them to move out, you'll regret it. They will make like difficult for you and eat you raw like eja tutu.
my dear since they dnt gv u headach as u said so y being greedy?afteroll they are nt going to be there wt u for ever,u can only ask them out had it been they are making trouble bt since they dnt y bothering?pls dnt be wicked,linda if u lk post if u dnt swallow d advice.
ONOME says.....
Lindooooo.First times am gonna ask you for a favour:)
Could you put up the article on the Nigerian couple who have been jailed in England for the "corporal" punishment they meted out to their children?I would really love to read your readers views on this.Kinda like a research for me.Thanks hun.xoxoxo
U don't ve to confront dem, whatever ever happens to "patience"? ...marriage that is not even up to 2yrs?
Let me ask u a question, if it were to be ur mother n siblings living wt u n ur husband,will u raise an eyebrow? Do u know how they started in life?
Do u know how they started in life?
Do u know if they had to deprive thers of gud n quality education as to giv ur hus d best which ofcourse has placed him in d position he is today?
Do u know the amount of sacrifies this family has put in to be a "FAMILY".
I don't live in a dupe at d moment but I grew up in 1 and I know its large enough to contain u all.
I understand d fact u want ur privacy,but I advice u be patient wt dis situation n thread wt caution, don't be the one to confront dem n don't let ur husband be in enemity wt his family else...u will loose him cos he will never be a happy man again(even if he tries so hard to convince himself he could do wtout dem) n he may later in yrs to cum despise u for dat..
Be wise n ask God to direct u
My dear you just have to find a way and get them out of your house especially if they make your home uncomfortable. Do it yourself if you have to because most men are cowards in such situations.
Be patient dear.
That's the worst mistake you will ever do by confronting them. Sweetheart just pray to God to give you wisdom on how to go about it. Wish you LUCK.
Selfish woman you will soon shoot yourself in the foot,you won't calm down and enjoy your husband,you are already scheming on how to set your home ablaze.Go ahead jare afterall its your house and you bought 5 bags of cement.
Hi,please whatever you do,do not ask them yourself!
You will only open pandora's box and start a war you will fight too hard and end up burnt(there will be no winner)...
I can understand the need to make your home personal,but if they are really not giving you stress,relax and pray about it.
I know its not easy,but trust God.
It is well.
my dear don't confront them o! you would ve made sure they were not living with him before you walked down the aisle. you have to pray about it and whenever you bring it up to ur husband try not to nag.All the best.
...hey trust me on this, the more you want them outta of the house, the more angry and irritated you get seeing them. As soon as you start seeing it as a temporary thing, the moment you settle it in your mind that you will be happy in your marriage with the presence or non presence of inlaws, trust me, you will be amazed at how things would unfold.
Meanwhile, you had mentioned that they dont disturb you, so relax and wait for time to take charge. dont worry girl, i know how it is when you want to live your marriage and have hurdles. Stay blessed and keep praying...
What u tolerated from day 1,be ready to tolerate on. If he really wanted them to move,he would hav started the move b4 u guys got married. And you too shd have insisted on that. Sorry! U didn't say whether u hav kids. Family expansion. That's one reason,ur hubby will Agree with you easily on their leaving.otherwise,wit 4 rooms $ no issue yet,it will be hard for ur hubby to get an accomodation 4 them now.
If u really love ur husband,his family will be ur family,u will love them too and over look their short comings coz no1 is perfect even u,but confronting them is bargaining for a life time fight that might affect ur marriage.since ur hubby said that he will get a place for them just pray and be patient abt it. Tomo is pregnant.
Hello sweetie,if these people are not giving you any trouble in your home, LET THEM BE!
You might see them as constituting a nuisance now but with time they will be valuable to you. Please learn to live with them. TRY HARD!
But you say they don't give you any problems, not so?
I guess I know how you feel. Every woman likes her own tuff where she can call the shots. I guess you want a situation where you don't have to thread softly all the time. Well, you do have a point.
But have you considered your husband's financial position and how it'll affect you in future should he start keeping two homes? If he can afford it he should get his extended another place. If not you should find a way of accomodating them.
Some questions though. Who runs the house? I mean who does your husby give house keeping money? Are your husby's sibblings disrespectful to you? Or pointedly, who exactly is in charge?
If you have a good relationship with your in-laws, why change a winning atmosphere? I also think issues as you raise are a mindset thiing and if you decide to accept the situation calmly in your heart you maybe surprised that it's not a big deal.
However afterall said, it's good to let newly married couples be. If you can't bear it anymore find a day and time to revisit this with husby. Subtly let him know how you feel and the dangers ahead to your relationship. Also you may have to go through any of his close friends to talk to him without making it seem as if you sent him. Finally, do pray about it. Who knows? They may just all decide to pack and leave without your prompt. God works miraculously.
you have to be wise my dear,if you confront them,your husband might support them and you know what you might be the one to leave eventually,Use wisdom and just keep telling your husband you need your space until he listens,no need to rush afterall they are not creating problems in your home,MY 2 CENTS..
the only way is if u guy get a new apartment, if u ask them to leave, it will cost u a lot..........
YOU ARE A VERY SILLY WOMAN. LOOK AT YOUR MOUTH AND MY MARRIAGE. YOU THINK YOU CAN BREAK A FAMILY APART. GET LOST WHORE. YOU EXPECT YOUR HUSBAND TO CHASE HIS FAMILY AWAY WHILE YOU RELAX. WHO ARE YOU? YOU ARE NOBODY. IF HE HAS ENOUGH MONEY HE WILL SURE RENT AN APARTMENT FOR THEM. BUT BECAUSE HE CAN'T AFFORD IT HE DECIDED TO SHELTER THEM. AND HERE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO THROW THEM OUT. I WISH SAME THING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN YOUR SON IF YOU HAVE ONE WHICH I DON'T EVEN WISH YOU HAVE WILL MARRY; AND HER WIFE WILL PLAN ON HOW TO KICK YOUR OLD ASS OUT. USELESS WOMAN. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS RESPONSIBLE MEN PICKS SUCH WICKED WOMEN FROM. DON'T LET ME LAY A CAUSE ON YOU BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL WORK WHERE EVER YOU. DON'T EVEN THINK OF SUCH THING: ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE THE DECISION: FOOLISH WOMAN; EWU HAUSA..KEEP GIVING YOUR HUSBAND PRESSURE AND THE NEXT THING HE AND HIS FAMILY WILL KICK YOUR SMELLING ASS OUTTA OF HIS HOUSE..
Whoever this woman is, she's a big fool.
Confront them and you will be the one packing out.
She better just shut up and bare it, cos if she was wise, she wouldn't have married the guy until they had their own place.
Just because she is married now, all the pretense has ended abi, cos I am 100% sure she went with the flow when they were courting. Hahahaha, Nigerian women will never learn that men cannot change over night.
Just keep talking to your husband, and please don't confront him else na so your marriage don end oh. Like you said, he is very attached to them, and na you be the visitor as e be now oh.
Ur jst being plain stupid imagine tho it's hard buh pushn ur husbnd 2do so paints u in a bad lite b4 him v soon he wl implode nd ul sufa it continue listenin 2ur friends nd ruin ur home go nd confront them idiot nd watch them throw u lyk dirty water
Why do you want to cause problems where there is none ?
You said yourself that they do not give you any problems ,so what is the issue ?
I advise you let them be,and try to live at peace with them, you may just need this same people tomorrow, beleive me i am speaking from experience.
Good begets good , if they are not troublesome, please do not stir up unnecessary conflicts.
U made a big mistake dear. dey shld hv packed out b4 u got married. i feel ur plight.
You should have insisted before you got married!
My sisto,if you want peace in your life. DO NOT TRY TO CONFRONT THEM!!!!! get on your knees and pray that whetever bond should be broken by God, trust me it works
Never do that!Just keep praying for God to give them a place and make them desire to leave by themselves.Asking them to leave could bried enmity between you and your inlaws and trust me u dont wish for that,atleast for the sake of your kids.So my kind advice is keep enduring and keep praying.
I feel for u as every woman wants her own space. I think it may be easier for you and ur hubby to move out than for the rest of his clan.
Human are attached to their families and trust me, most promises don't get fufilled after marriage. Best advice, NEVER confront his family members because he will choose them over you since u could not convince him to ask tem to leave in the first place. Just leave it as it is with time they will all leave anyay
when u married to a man, u should know that u are married to the whole families. Pls madam, give ur husband more time. From Radio Biafra presenter.
Dear, you can't do anything about it cos the family was there before you ever dreamt of being with your husband. It's a good thing you are not having problems with them, else you would have had hell with you while alive. Use this opportunity to create a one-big-family environment rather than planning to break it up. Besides, you were not blindfolded when you moved into that house to find out your husband lives with his family.
nah wah for this woman ohhh for wanting dem out abi you did not know that before. this is how we women look for trouble when trouble dey sleep him own jeje
Hello dear,
I understand ur frustration completely, but U must NOT confront his family.
U have to work on ur husband to get them out.Please fill free to use all measurer's possible including manipulation and even depriving him of sex.
You are a woman na u should now ho to handle ur man.
igbayi la ro
Its not done that way,as long as they are not disturbing,why not have a child first for your husband and see as things turn out. If they are in their right state of mind they would get a place of their own before you know it..Please don't bring hatred into your family at dis early stage of your marriage.
Never u confront them. All u need to do is ask ur husband why he hasn't gotten a house for them and also keep on pressuring him to rent a house 4 them. Or may be he shld rent a house where u n him would live and leave his family 2 occupy that one. But i think his problem is wasting of finance.that is paying 2 different people's rent.
Don't confront ooo a beg,if confront them there will trouble in your home. all you need is divine intervention from above....pray hard
Believe me d moment u confront dem is gonna b d beginin of ur problem. Is his Mom, Siter and Brother we r talkin about here ohhh. These r his blood. If they were som distance relation it wld hav been a different case. Besides u said it ur self dat dey don't giv u problem so y don't u b alitl bit more patient till he gets dem a place like he said he wld!!!
Well ofcuz cept if u r ready to take d risk of askin him to choose btwn u and his family which even u know very well d side he'll rather go with.
one thing my mama told me is ' never get involved wen the family of ur hubby is involved'. 'this is to ensure that u dont look like u re an enemy to them'. my advice is pray. nothin is impossible for GOD. ask him in prayers like Esther did, then talk to ur hubby abt how uncomfortable u re. tell him this wen ur sure he's havin a blissful moment with u. tell him calmly and explain ur reasons. if he luvs u ( i'm sure he does), then he'll yield. just rmbr that prayer must come first
there's nothing you can do,since you agreed to move in with him, you have moved in with the family, the only thing you can do now is to get your husband to get a smaller place so you can move out with him(maybe a two-bedroom apartment; they are not giving you problems, so you just have to adapt to them or move with your husband but you cant move them out.
Sorry, they are not going to leave, especially the mother. You should have ensured that before you got married.
All am gonna say íڪ dat Ʊ should be patient atleast it was not when Ʊ got married to him dat he brought in his family! Ʊ jes sit ur hubby down n talk to him abt it! Dnt jump d gun by taking matters into ur hands! Ʊ neva can tell if ur hubby has other plans for Ʊ! So babe relax, Ʊ've been enduring for a year plus now,its jes a matter of time!lin lin post my comment o
If they are not disturbing you, let them be. You have a happy marriage and your husband does not want them to leave, don't rock the boat. If he eventually forces them to leave, they will knw its bcos of u and that may be d beginning of problems for your marriage. If they were ur mum and siblings, wld u insist they leave?
since they are nt giving u problems, let sleeping dog lie or is dere sometin u ar nt tellin us like dem sleeping in ur mat bed? if nt, pls show dem more love & let dem b.
If you deprive him of sex, which is his right, he will look outside. Try to love them, accept them as yours. You never know when you will need them.
All the very best
u are u?to send ur mother-in-law,sister,and brothers out of their brother's house?for what?u are only a wife.since they are not giving u problem then let them be .and moreover u meant them in the house u are married to the family and not ur husband allow okay?so pls dont let ur husband to see u as a bad wife.u may not no his mind.
Wow... This is a tough one sha. In as much as they r not giving u any probs, u can still live with them na. I understd u want ur space buh try n accommodate dem. Prolly they have this strong family tie. Betterstill, pray that ur hubby builds/buys another house so u both can leave.
Better still why don't u suggest u and ur hubby move out to a 2 bed flat and he continues to pay for the duplex till he cannot afford to any more .....that way you have ur own space and it us not like ur chasing anyone out
i was vry angry at you, but was calm when i saw d sensible comments frm follows readers. U b MUMU????? be patient oh.. it is a virtue.
They will see the need to leave your home with time.
If you are wise, u will get on your kneels more nd pray to God oh..
prayer is the ONLY solution, nd keep the good relationship the family ve with u..
NO MUMU urself ooooh
u are a big fool mumuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Jeez! the first person to comment here was really bitter...kinda like u r d mother of the boy, take it easy abeg...d lady is only asking becos she is uncomfortable in her own house...sometimes u respect some pple so much dat u always try to please dem even wen pleasing dem could affect u and maybe dats how she feels around dem....it happens.
dear writer, pls dont confront ur in-laws, let ur husband do dat and if he cant do dat due to financial probs dat u knw abt, den learn to be comfortable arnd ur in-laws.
My inlaws have lived with me from the very beginning, they are good to me so whats the fuss. Right now they help takecare of my kids while i go to work , i have a househelp yes, but nothing like a reliable family member around to keep an eye on your kids .
If they are good as you have said, then relax and live in peace with them.
You must be mad for this your stupid reply and i doubt if you are married and know what it means for grown-ups mostly in-laws to live with young couple.my dear try as much as you can to make ur hubby see reason with you cos it usually leads to disaster at the end of the day.
Alot of people here have told you the truth.They are not likely to leave, and if you do anything to force the situation, you will have longlife enemies on your hand.
This is what you should have insisted on before you got married and since you did not, you should learn to live with it. The brither and sister will go with time, but the mother you have to live with.
If you pressurise your husband too much, you will rsik enstrangement from him. Learn to be patient, more so they are not troubling you. You try putting yourself in their shoes and see how you will like it.
The probs with some ladies is that they find it difficult to Accommodate, share n Tolerate. Shouldn't b that way. Since they aint giving u probs, my dear, let it go. Thnk God its even a duplex. If na one n parlour nko? Confronting them will b the biggest mistake u will ever make on mother earth. I though I rily feel n understd u dear, buh pls take a chill pill.
My thought exactly, why not suggest to your husband that both of you should move out, even if its to a 1 bedroom apartment, start from there. But do not ever ask them to leave, shikenan!
why not concentrate on having babies, so they know you need the space! greedy woman!!!
The German Immigrant says...my own problem is that i don too stay abroad so i would find that quite irritating cos i've been so used to doing everything per head. But wait, after reading all the comments here it sounds like a unified naija voice saying dont start yawa. meaning if u do anything heroic ur fully on ur own in a naija setting. over to you lady. be wise...says The German Immigrant
Dear Poster, please don't confront them; that will be a very great and costly mistake; something that they will keep using to haunt you and might extend the ill feelings to your children. Please tread softly.
You never can tell, you might never their assistance one way or the other later in life; so please apply wisdom in handling this matter.
The bulk of the blame lies with your husband; he started this right from the beginning. He should have settled this accommodation issue before settling down.
My mom's sales girl and her siblings were staying with their eldest brother when he as still single; he was feeding them, paying the rent etc. When he was ready to settle down, you know what he did? He got himself another apartment and left his former apartment for his siblings, which means the expenses will be borne by them and them only. He'll only chip in when his assistance is needed.
He did this to avoid unnecessary tension for his wife and incoming family and also for him and his wife to have their OWN SPACE.
My take on this is this: your husband is your jackpot in handling this very fragile and sensitive matter. Beckon on him to get another accommodation for them. Let him handle this alone, please don't interfere. Ask him how he would feel if one of them barges into you two while having intimacy/when having your bath or dressing up.
In addition to this, I want to use my uncle's wife as an example of a woman who uses gentle persuasion to get what she wants. If any of her in laws do something that is really really getting to her, she won't confront them. She will relay her mind on the matter to my uncle. He will then be the one to take action thereby saving herself from unnecessary enmity that might have happened if she had done it her done.
Just have enough points to support yourself in convincing him lovely and gently. Please don't go the fighting, malice, no intimacy route. It might worsen it. Please include prayers also. I wish you the best as you handle this matter; this is a test of marriage and you have to pass it excellently well.
Zinnia
They were living together way long b4 he got married 2 u so y do u wnt 2 separate dem????????? See Women nd their wahala oooo........... Didn't u use 2 see dem wen u use 2 come 2 his house as his girl frnd????? Or did he marry u witout u coming 2 his house or meeting his family members??????? Ofcus u did.... Now he marries u in nd u wnt 2 chase his families away. Better leave a happy family alone. Join d peace or leave in pieces.
Be mature man!! I'm 18 and I know not to insult someone just because I want to get my point of view across! Jheeze
God bless you. That lady is just being selfish. Try that with me I will put u to ur place.
May the lord help u overcome ur condition in jesus name!
I will advise you to go with anon 12:47 & 12:57...try to be manipulative and you would end up manipulating yourself out of that house and marriage for good, also try to know who really owns that house knowledge is power your husband can tell you that it is his when it is not, only for you to find out he is also an occupant like the people you are trying to chase out. Please remain humble its too early to start showing yourself.
Lmao @ she bought 5 bags of cement.. Hehehe
That was rather hash. The fool here is YOU! She was honest enough to admit they don't give her troubles. What's with all the insults huh.
Meanwhile, what's with the CAPS!!!!! Phewwwww. Stop it already.
Abeg no confront dem as all readers have said above ... The only thing you need to dos ince they aint giving u issues or attitude is to pray fro ur husband to be more successful to rent an apartment for them .. chikena
www.gamugaza.blogspot.com
God bless you for this comment.
No dear, dont confront them. its too early for that. just give them a chance.I believe your husband, though attached to them will sort things out. meanwhile try an be patience, since they dont give you trouble. Also remember they are also your family, so that your quick action does'nt degenarate to family scuffles and fueds and probably hatred. pls allow your husband handle it. just keep giving your husband positive reason why they should own their own apartment. wish U SUCCESSFUL FAMILY AHEAD
Rent an apartment for them now :( I would love to live with my husband ALONE! But occassionally take in family members temporally!!! Soo if u think u have can help them, why not.. I mean sex with ur husband should be wild and fun lol experimenting in different corners of the house.. Family will be spoiling show lool .... Just wait and see dear.. Don't start any wahala though
See smashing. Damn lol
Linda you sure say this story na true. any how sha the woman way wan pursue im inlaws commot for house na wahala and trouble im dey find oooo na duplex dey live so the house suppose reach all of them if she chase dem away the day way im and her husband go get wahala who she go run go met for settlement i dey laff this girl she no no say na Africa we dey nuclear family na im we dey pratise
Gold diggers.
God bless you for this comment.
THIS MESSAGE IS FOR ANON 1:03 PM THAT WROTE IN CAPS AND WRITES LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD...FYI as you 'cause' people so shall others curse you. shikena
I understand the need to have ur own space infact ur "own home" cos with inlaws around it makes it feel like u dont have total control of ur living environment. its a very delicate matter as it involves ur husband's family.
since they are not giving u issues i would advice u take it easy, NEVER confront them as u will only make yourself look bad before them. all u need to do is try to talk to your husband in a calm manner; remember they are his family, his blood. things will fall into place. it is going to be good.
Knows someone in your shoes,hubby said they would move out 1st year in marriage,its 7yrs now and they still havent left. The worst mistake u made was agreeing to marrying him in that condition. They would never leave oh! The earlier you embraced the situation the better for you. All you can do is pray about it, that they are successful in life,that ur br inlaw gets a good job n moves out n ur sis inlaw gets married n has kids so ur mum inlaw wld be goin 4 omugwo. Above all be patient and endure.believe me they would scrutinize your every move n might make nasty comments but just love them n be nice to them. Dont go harrassing your hubby for them to move out oh,it might cause serious enemity between the two of you.be really close to God,it would help you a great deal. Goodluck
hmmmm first of its kind. a sincer story on LIB and then no insulting replies or hateful comments. welldone guys in *mama joke silvas* voice!
Linda i can't find my comment... biko upload it joor i gave her good advice.
Anonymous 12:47 I dey feel you. It is only fine if it is the woman's family that are staying with the couple. Woman check yourself.
My dear, i thank God they are not giving U problems. I"m also in yr shoe nd my hus. supported their living but meanwhile pray,keep calm ,respect all of them including yr hubby nd apply wisdom nd it work 4r me as well.
My dear, i thank God they are not giving U problems. I"m also in yr shoe nd my hus. supported their living but meanwhile pray,keep calm ,respect all of them including yr hubby nd apply wisdom nd it work 4r me as well.
Abet go & have several sits jare, if they whr giving you wahala then I'll be like ok you have to get them out. You better not forcefully try to get them out becuase the last thing you want is for your in laws to hate you.
Idiot ...You are the trouble kind of lady I guess ...Listen this trouble you are about to bring ..If it starts ,,,I gurantee that you are the one to lose..... Them staying there doesn't make the house less of your own...So be wise
Wow i can't imagine dis,confront ur mother-in-law and ur husband's siblings cos u want privacy?Now i kw some women r enemies of progress,i want 2ask u my own question?do u want 2tell me u wuld v also ask ur husband 2 eject ur own mother n siblings if they r d ones staying wth u pple?Do u want 2tel me dat u'l rather b hapi seeing ur own husband in enemity wth his own family jst cos of u? Do u also kw how far they family v come?now cos u'r a wife now,ur husband shld eject his pple cos u'r who? And d same u said they r nt giving u pblem, they privacy u'r looking for is it not 2control ur husband? Cos u can tell me ur mother-in-law sleeps in d same bed or room wth ur husband? Or does she stops u frm fucking ur husband as many rounds as u want? Y can't u allow them 2 at least enjoy d peace and 2gatherness God v blessd them wth, ova possessiveness is vry bad,
Abeg are you the in law? Take am easy, all you had to do was advise her not insult her.
I wonda! some people ar jst too insultive•
IT'S EASY! GIVE HIM CHILDREN AND HE WILL BE FORCED TO MOVE THEM OUT. BE HAPPY NONE OF THEM SHARES YOUR BEDROOM WITH YOU, I WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE SAID. PATIENCE SISTER!
IN OUR NIJA CULTURE YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO THE FACT THAT WE THOROUGHLY BELIEVE IN THE EXTENDED FAMILY, AND THERE IS REALLY NOTHING U CAN DO..JUST PRAY THAT THE SISTER AND BROTHER GET MARRIED SOON AND LEAVE..THIS IS OUR CULTURE WHERE THE EXTENDED FAMILY COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE...ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP WE WERE NEVER ALONE...IT WAS ALWAYS ONE UNCLE, AUNTY, COUSIN, COUSINS, YOU NAME IT STREAMING IN AND OUT EITHER FOR DAYS, MONTHS, OR YEARS.....IN NIJA THEY CAN ACTUALLY BE USEFUL WITH HOUSEWORK.....
Anonymous August 15, 2012 12:44 PM you are very funny o. whats she being greedy about. my dear i understand what you are going through. its annoying having to live in your new husbands house with family. this time is meant for just you and him. not the whole family. but still the economy is sort of bad right now so it may be more difficult for him to get a place for them. i feel you should just be patient and pray cause you do not want to confront them or give him an ultimatum. that would only make matters worse. you can like to use your woman ways to let him know the things he has to forfeit because his family lives with you guys. *wink*
Girl, give your in laws sometime, they will finally end up being your closest ally
people should please stop condemning this lady jor. she wants her privacy, she needs it sef. i can relate to that. as i am i dont really even like having my own family over for more than a month not to mention his. i am not a mean person or anything bt i cherish my privacy. her marriage is only a yr old and she is having to live with his whole family. it is annoying now. you too sef put yourself in her own shoes. growing up i lived in a duplex with my family members and it still wasnt enough for me to have that privacy all the time. there can never be privacy when she is living with other people. A new couple for that matter. but yet she needs to be comfortable. first things first you should have let him know the sort of person you are. that you dont like things like that before marriage so you wouldnt have been in this situation, he would have found a solution before marrying you. since you ddnt do that, all you can do now is be patient. pray and do not nag or act cruel towards them. do not give him an ultimatum. infact start telling yourself that you like them being around. maybe soon you would believe it. try to see it as temporary and by Gods grace they would leave sooner than you know it
I understand t could be choking ESP if u have never had a free moment wt ur man, but patience my dear, pray that GOD wl move their heart away from ur home and long for a place of their own, confrontation has never done anything positive, so don't even try t
You want to confront your in-laws? In Naija? You wanna die early? Lol even a European thinking man like myself knows that's a no-no in Africa. Yet, it must be done. You cannot share your house with your in-laws. If you feel uncomfortable, probably because you can't fully express yourself the way you want due to the others being there, then yes, you should relay the problem to your husband. Don't go to his family. You're just gonna start a fight, and trust me, this is one fight you will not win. They were there before you came.
Also, be patient. Consider the fact that maybe your husband isn't as wealthy as to afford another house for his fam, and from the sound of it, he's the breadwinner in the family, which means he can't just toss them out like a rubbish bin.
Be cool. Be calm. In fact, help your husband speed up the process of moving your in-laws out. Get a job, if you don't have one. And if you do, put some money down (along with him) towards building a new home, or whatever. Just don't go around cooking up shit you can't handle.
Peace, girl. ;)
Princess of Zion na u get talk jor and some others who spoke in ur direction.'A man shall LEAVE his family n cleave...' So all those judging her did u see that in your bible.PLZ dear your feelings are right but I will advice you don't confront them but keep on talking to your husband camly and pray also,because God will give you your heart desires cause your heart desires aint bad at all.
Hmmmm, some people can throw words anyhow sha. somebody is asking for advice nd pple ar busy hating. Well, I will advice that you discuss with ur hubby, find out why they are not moving out yet,you can even on ur own check for vacant apartments nd discuss them with ur hubby, do it privately nd jokingly find out if he really wants them out or not. Dnt give him so much pressure abt d whole tin @ all. Nd dnt 4get 2 put it in prayers.
August 15, 2012 12:02 PM my exact thought
i don grab my guguru and ekpa with fanta cola to read all these clowing messages from you LIB readers chei see batching. well the woman in question ole oloju kokoro ni e so you did not see that they were in the house before you married and you could not make sure that they left before you moved in.
you would stay put there and don bring wahala upon yourself as you said dem no dey give you trouble so why pure pertol in burning fire ehhh don say dem no warn you ohhh
you for kuku pack all their bags outside and lock the house and sit inside before your hubby come and if he talks you park his things out as well nonsense just stop complaining and put up with it. if you hubby no get money rent accomodation for dem unkor
All of you on this blog you are all so so so so funny and pathetic! do you all have the slightest idea about what it means to live in the same house with your inlaws?. i guess you don't, because that is why you are all wagging your white coated tongue about her being selfish and all that. let me warn you, you can never know what she is going through until you wear her shoes. and i pray you never ever experience it, because then you may never ever get out of it. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i am so disappointed at the way most people comment, they do it as if they are under the influence of Marijuana, heroine, cocaine all at once and i have noticed that ugly people dish out the worst comments on this blog.
mtsheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
August 15, 2012 3:01 PM thank you this is how we women create problems for ourselves. family that have been in existence for years she now wants to split them oga ohh lady you best think well before dem kick you out of your luggae don say you were not warned.
babe, my mum lived wit all my dad's siblings cos he trained dem. I grew up seeing uncles nd aunts in our 4 bedroom Duplex but today dey are all well placed, an aunt of mine whose husband my dad trained entered d family mouth first (as in she said things like 'i want us to be left alone' i'm telling you na she dey beg for r/ship now nd unfortunately 4 her,my uncle works in an oil company but is very stingy, whole family now says she is d one finishing his money nd d man keeps gvng pple dat impression, my mum keeps using her to advice us oh. convert the energy you'll use to drive dem away into praying dat God settles them nd 4 ur Mother-in-law hmmm Iya ni wura ooo. Linda abeg post my comment
my dear, i feel your pain, i can understand the need for space. though i am not married, i live with my siblings and yes they do not give me problems but sumtyms its just gets annoyin, as they are always in my space, using my things and making a mess of everything especially my brothers. fact is i love them but sumtyms i just need my space and me time wch i cant get cos someone is always in my space. that said, i think it should have been an agreement before stepping into the marriage, cos the timing sorta makes it difficult nw. as for those castigating the lady, dnt u know ow it is to be newly we, how you just wanna touch, and do stuff all around your house without three pairs of eyes watching you, and people keeping tabs on everything you do, being very cautious not to step on toes in your own home again, abeg free the babe, am sure they arent giving her any problems because shes trying her best to get along with them, trust me there is a limit and if she cannot be free in her own home, wher can she be. all said please do not confront them but have a serious conversation with your husband and let him know your fears and thoughts and also pray to God abt it and please do not nag, cos this is a sensitive isssue, his family so tread carefully. all trhe best dear!
my 2 cents
If may say you my dear married friend is very selfish. First of all you knew his family lived with him before you married him. In Nigeria or most african and third world countries immediate families live together. You said they are not bothering you so why do you want to create a problem where ther is none. I believe you are just selfish and should buckle down and enjoy your marriage before you anger your inlaws, and as you noticed his always going to side his family, dont forget that you are not yet a 100perecent part of that family until you give him a child, so thread softly.
I'M tired of all these cursing..please what has the lady done to you that would make you call her names...she just has issues cant you talk like civilized humans??? Linda as much as u try to check comments you are not doing a good job...a lot of comments posted here should nOt have been...pls be more strict with ur screening.. people are just nuisance...they see this as an avenue to rain abuses on people they don't even know its insane..people that u see outside and u are not up to the shoes on their feet, you come here and insult them. no form of decency..this blog is becoming razz please check it
I couldn't be more angered by this crap and all the I-need-privacy tutors here. Thank God you confessed they are not troubling you. You young irresponsible ladies think its all over once your claim you are married. Someday remember friend, you will be a mother with a son married to a another woman..
Things like this make me wonder if people really know what marriage is all about. Common this is Nigeria; the people raised, trained and packaged this man to who he is today. Years of sacrifice and one fool things she alone deserves to enjoy the benefits of their labour. Listen, if you can’t cope, divorce him; himself and his family will be better of without you.
Leave them the place then, rent out the other rooms and go find a home of your own. I understand the need for newly married couple to have the sense of being on their own and building their life together. Sometimes you just wan tto get down and dirty in the kitchen or living room, you can't really be free in that way. I wouldn't stir up any strife because the parents would be there to help with children when you do decide to have them. The situation sucks, but do the best to make it work if he has no plans to make a move. Look for the positives.
My brother I tire o!! All these girls wey dey find ready-made guys and now she wants to reap where she has not sown. Does she know how the house was acquired? Rubbish!!!
my candid advise is for you and your husband to get a 2bedroon flat or bungalow and leave them in that duplex, dont listen to useless friend that will mislead you. dont ever misbehav to them, leave them alone, sometimes we woman are so self fish, we dont wnat in law to come near our husband, u dont knw what mama had suffered to bring up that man (ur husband).
dont play with fire. u guys can pack out for them to stay. or have weekend in hotel with your husband.
People r so quick to use insultive words. Jeez! Dnt be so qick to bash this lady pls. I know wat it feels like to live with ur in-laws esp if u just got married! its not easy! Evry1 nids deir space/privacy! I think som pple here hv said some sensible tinz already... Please jus be patient.. i doubt if they'll live with u forever(at least not all of them)..
Madam it drives me crazy wen I hear stories lyk dis. U saw dat n u stil decided 2 move in. Manage o n don't cause wahala 4 urself Sinx de r nt givin u issues.
Hmmm, babes!!! If I'm to be completely honest with you, you are to be blamed. You knew his family was living with him before you got married to him and u accepted to move in with them and join them. That only shows to say that u were cool with the whole idea. So why the sudden change of mind? And to even think u want to confront them? That's not an issue to be considered at all. It's not in your place to confront them and ask them to leave. If anything, your hubby should do that and that's if there's somewhere else suitable for them. I mean you can't ask them to leave and go live ond streets. The responsibility of a married man is to his wife and kids an also his immediate family. And the truth is no matter how much a man loves you, you can't compare to his mother. He sees and loves you differently. You said yourself that they ate nostressing you so you just have to endure for now bearing in mind that nothing is permanent in life. They can't live with you forever, it isn't possible. You can also look at it from a bright side, you will always have people around and when you start having kids, you will be rest assured your child is in good hands. Having said that, I understand what you're going through in terms of having your own space but my dear, you didn't object before marriage and didn't think about that, so you have to
haaaaaa, easy o. you have to exercise wisdom. First and foremost you met them there, you knew wht you were going into before you married him. Understand that they wont be there for ever,bt if really its affecting your marriage, you can offer to share the expense of getting them a befitting house with your husband......please make it sound as if his mother deserves more than a room to herself, make it look as if she deserves a house she can call her own and do her own thingy....he is more prone to listen to you better.
WOW MY SISTER IN LIVED IN FAMILY HOUSE WITH MY HUSBAND FOR A WHILE....ITS A NO NO NO
HERE ARE THINGS AM GETTING THAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE MENTIONED...THE CONSTANT MANIPULATIONS AND INTERFERENCES... MY HUSBAND MADE IT SEEM IT WAS A TEMPORARY SITUATION BUT ITS WASN'T TRUE. WHEN I EVENTUALLY FOUND US A PLACE TO MOVE AND I EVEN HAD THE MONEY IN HAND HE KEPT GIVING EXCUSES UNTIL IT DAWNED ON ME THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PLAN OF MOVING.
WE COULDN'T EAT WHAT WE WANTED COS I HAD TO COOK FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY AND WE COULDN'T AFFORD IT.MY HUSBAND COULDN'T SAVE COS HE SPENT HIS MONEY ON THEM NOT EVEN PRIORITIZING ON ME.
IT WAS HORRIBLE!! I HAD TO PAY FOR A PLACE AND TELL HIM IF HE WASNT MOVING THEM HE SHOULD STAY, BUT ME I CANT CONTINUE. BUT I NEVER CONFRONT HIS FAMILY ONCE DESPITE ALL THEY SUBJECTED ME TO. YOU MUST TAKE A STAND THAT IF HE WANTS A HAPPY HOME HE NEEDS TO TAKE A STAND AND DONT STOP PRAYING ABOUT IT
Endure and talk calmly to your hubby explaining the importance of intimacy to newly weds. All d best dear. PS: what you won't take in marriage, don't agree to it while dating. Love is no longer blind, it now wears contacts. Lol.
chei we naija we wicked ohhh see how dem don take talk finish this woman nah wah ohhh
we alwaiz under-estimate the power of prayer, i advice u not to confront them, bt pray to God over it. look for a gud time to talk to ur hubby esp wen he is happy in a lienient way.all d best
My Dear,
I feel your pain. Don't mind those calling you a selfish person. My advise is to be patient and prayerful. My situation was worse. At a point in my marriage, my husband
had no income at all and he went ahead to bring three of his cousins to live with us in our flat. I had to use my meager salary then to feed myself, three children, husband and his three cousins!. I also had to borrow money from my parents to pay the house rent! But I endured by the grace of God. So my Dear, please endure, the situation will change after some time. That is marriage for you.
U wld done dat during courtship not now well i understand u need space but dere is nothing u can do ˚NƠ̴̴̴̴͡wº° just pray dat God give u d spirit of patience to live with dem thk God dey are not giving u problem.
smdh....i must marry pple
Yemi said...
The first mistake you made was moving in when you were already aware of the situation on ground. It is also obvious that your husband is not a man of his own that is why he continues to hold on to his family despite the fact that he is married. I don't know if you're a Christian but the Bible says a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. At least you are both supposed to spend the early part of your marriage without interference from either family so that the foundation of your home is solid. You can only sort this out on your knees because it is also obvious that your inlaws are not sensitive. Would his mother or sister be able to take what you are taking if they found themselves in the same situation? I pray God gives you the wisdom and patience you need at this time
U guys shudnt judge her, my advice is not to make d mistake of confrontin his family but talk to ur husband! Dey r not havin problems but I can bet dat eventually dey will ve problems!so try to avoid it now
Thunder fire the girl that will tell me to kick my family out of our home...I will not think twice before I kick her out. Shuo, you wey them add to family to train wan come turn vampire. Holy ghost fire will burn you. People of the world....its not a one size fits all oh. All fingers are not equal. Make him a better man if you truly love and build a new home.
My advice is to persevere, you cant confront them and if i were you i wont bring it up with your husband, instead i will tell him to book weekends away occasionally so that you can have him all to yourself for at least a few days. Gradually he will start seeing the sense in having your little privacy. If you bring it up with your husband, you will surely put him in a dilenma as he will be caught between you and his family. Most men that house their family are already olori ebis. When they eventually leave which they would , you dont want your husband to feel you are now happy especially as it will take him sometime to get used to being without his siblings and mum.
Have you been to Mexico before or Latin American countries...a whole generation of family live together, and thats because the understand the value of Family...You have now the best gift ever, dont spoil it
Keep ur mouth shut... What do u knw? What was she thinking when she was dating him? Didn't he bring her home? Didn't she see the family members? Weren't they having sex while dating in the same house with family members? Don't give advice to some one and ruin her home cos I don't see anything wrong.. She didn't say they are causing problems cos if she did,the advice would be different. But she didn't complain about that so she should find a way to leave with them,cos if she talks to her hubby 2much,he will just start getting angry and there marriage will just start suffering or if she confronts them her self,she would just bring an end to the marriage cos men don't joke with there mom.. Besides none of them would stay with her for so long,the sis would get married,likewise the brother.. All she need do is get there love and attention and the man won't be able to do anything to her or they whole family will gang up on him,and she needs to love them genuinely cos it wud help a lot.. So woman,keep ur home so that it doesn't crash. U are just newly wed,don't spoil it
Shut it.. She met them there,she agreed to marry him knowing he was leaving with the mom,so what are u saying,if u have nothing to say pass the mic pls#lame
Am sure 99% of u commentin here are not married, dats y u all can talk bullshit! D only mistake she made was to accept to move in d first place but at d same time its not her fault cuz she can't delay her marraige just bcus she wants her husbands fam to leave! He told her he wud get dem deir own place and she agreed but most men find it difficult to fulfil dat wen u guys. R already married! I ve bEen married for a year and my husband left where he used to stay with his brother and got another apartment for us but stil an elder bro of his came and acted like he was comin for a visit and d next tin, he started leavin with us and I and my hubby already agreed dat no fam member wud stay to avoid issues!and my own case a a little different cuz dis one is bossy, very bossy just bcus he is my husbands elder bro, trust me its annoyin and frustratin! Don't relax much bcus dey r not givin problems, its been just a year and still fresh! Look for a way out by talkkin to ur hubby about bcus eventually, u will definately have issues! Definately!
She asked for an advice not insults in CAPS..As you have wished her,so shall it be with you.
people can be wicked, you mean you cant shealter a homeless person, provide food and clothing...talk more of your husband family. Where is all this western ideas getting us to, disintegration of family value and lack of love. Thats why we have such crime rate and useless society because of all this western idea..what kind of sex do you mean....is sex everything...Haba, i love privacy, but not above Family..Family is all there is.
No harm meant,you just spoke like an igbo man from outside delta though.I understand ur plight .
THERE IS NO NEED TO CONFRONT THEM. YOUR HUSBAND IS YET TO REALIZE THAT FOR THIS REASON, A MAN SHALL LIVE HIS... AND CLING TO HIS WIFE. HE IS STILL A BON-BOY. SINCE YOU SAID HE'S ATTACHED TO THEM, HE WILL NOT OBLIGE YOU THE REQUEST NOW. YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD IT AS A PRECONDITION TO MARRYING HIM. SORRY, YOU JUST HAVE TO LEAVE WITH IT AND PRAY THAT ONE DAY, THE VEIL WILL BE LIFTED OFF HIS EYES...
simple advice...when he's good and ready, he will get to it before then all you'll gain is a bad headache and very pissed off in-laws. Do not misunderstand, you have more right to him but you see, in this case, what you need is strict diplomacy. Set your space but do guard it jealously and all the best.
since dey r not giving u problems what is peeling ur skin, did u not c dem b4 u moved into d house or r u jealous of their closeness. If u make them quarel and leave d house, u will not find peace in ur home.
Babe take it easy,take them like ur sisters and brothers okay,dey won't be with you forever .its not so easy,but chill okay
first mistake was moving in when his family was still with him, love must have blinded you then, so its understandable, apparently he enjoys his family being around, but what you can do is sit him down from time to time and make him realize through subtle hints that you are his primary family now..he has to detach from his immediate family,what about when kids start coming,is he planningon living an ecomog existence all his life.and my sister your surest bet is prayr, the Lord will not turn his ears from his children, seek his counsel on what to do..it is well...hipsy
No dear, dont confront them. its too early for that. just give them a chance.I believe your husband, though attached to them will sort things out. meanwhile try an be patience, since they dont give you trouble. Also remember they are also your family, so that your quick action does'nt degenarate to family scuffles and fueds and probably hatred. pls allow your husband handle it. just keep giving your husband positive reason why they should own their own apartment. wish U SUCCESSFUL FAMILY AHEAD
madam house owner... how wud u feel if the table is turned around; your daughter in-law comes from no whr and decides that she wants u out of your son's house. the son u struggled so had to make him who he is.
don't create problems for urself,pls.
No harm meant,you just spoke like an igbo man from outside delta though.I understand ur plight .
Big common problem. My parents never hung around anyone's house. You literally had to beg them to come visit.
some of these relations come and 'ibu ewu' (you are a goat) starts, next thing no maraige.
Good luck. Ask God to relocate them for you. he will do it
Don't you think you shld find out why they have been living with him that long first? you met them there, you guys live in a $bedroom Duplex and they don't give you problems, what the hell is your problem???why don't you enjoy the peace you have instead of starting an unnecessary fire. in a Four bedroom house, what do you want to do that you possibly cannot???Get over it my dear and accept your family....
Girls? Na wa! If she had behaved like she wanted her space will this guy marry her? why does she expect this guy to throw his family away especially as they r not giving her any problem? God pls protect my sons frm girls like this missy.
HEY MISSY .NO ONE IS DISTURBING YOU,SO WHY ARE YOU BOTHERED. YOU SHOULD HAVE WANTED YOUR SPACE BEFORE MOVING INTO THAT HOUSE BY NOT MOVING IN AT ALL.THAT IS THEIR HOUSE NOT YOURS. IF YOU NEED SPACE LET YOUR HUSBAND GET YOU A ONE ROOM APARTMENT.HONESTLY WE LADIES LOOK FOR UNNECESSARY TROUBLE WHERE THERE IS NONE. MISSY JUS RELAX AN ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE .IT IS TOO EARLY FOR DRAMA.
Madam of the house... advise your husband to change the house to two 2bedroom apartment... you and your husband carry one his family carry one...simple...
You must never confront his family to move out....
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