Hi Linda. I usually dont do this but i like the way your bloggers give advice, so i need help. I come from an ok family from the south east, but am dating a son of wealthy south-western man. I am an educated woman in my own rights i have two bachelors and a masters and currently working on my mba. I work for fortune 500 company abroad, but I get to see my man when ever i can. We have been together for three years now. I know he is madly inlove with me, and i thought i was inlove with him too, but after i spent christmas with him and his family, I found myself falling for the brother. I was attracted to his brother's sexy brown chocolate features, smile, eyes, character, my sister, the guy is truly a well groomed prince. His younger brother on the other hand is cute and fair, very funny, very outspoken( his take attitude and intelligence are what attracted me to him at first). Am in my early twenties, very cultured, and i know its a taboo, at least in my culture to date two brothers. The guy I have been dating happens to be the junior brother who is closer to my age, but whenever am around his older brother, my knees get weak, and i get butterflies in my stomach. I still hold my Vcard, and for some strange reason my friends told me maybe that's why the older brother has interest in me, since i guess his brother spilled he hasnt touched me during a truth or dare game we played during the holiday. I hear so many rumors about how my boyfriend carries girls around when am not around, but i dont do rumors, I trust him, so i feel its wrong that I am having such feelings for his brother. I mean I want his brother to the extent that i would even let the guy pop my cherry. His older brother and i share same birthday month and the guy got me a gift of poems, very thoughtful, and since then we have been texting, video chatting, its like we have become best friends, I feel i can tell him anything, and worst of all I have continued to fall even deeper inlove with him. He sent me a text yesterday saying "If I only had met you before my brother did, then i would be the happiest man right now." I didnt know what to say. I just loled it. Like i said I believe in traditions, I want to tell him how i feel, but I come from ngwaland and its a taboo, to promise a man that you will marry him, then turn around and dump him for his brother. I dont want to destroy their relationship, I feel overwhelmed. I feel like i should just leave the family alone and just go my own way, because i dont want to be the force that divides them. I have spoken to one of their sisters whom I am closed to, but she told me to stay with the brother who gets the biggest part of their father's empire. Its like she thought i was dating her brother for their money. I beg , money isnt everything. I dont want his family's money, am a content hard working independent woman, who makes her own money, so i aint gold digging.I dont know what to do, I have been dodging my man's calls, texts, for three days now, but when ever his brother texts me I jump for the phone. So advices please. I feel like am emotionally cheating on the guy am currently dating with his older brother. What should i do, because I dont think I can control myself around his older brother when i go home this summer. Help!!!! Thank you Linda!!
237 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 237 of 237South West means that he is Yoruba. The family of your boyfriend will NEVER allow you to marry your boyfriend's brother because it is a taboo. They can never respect you but call you a whore or free hooker.
This is a silly story because you knew the answer already...
1. Date his brother and lose both of them.
2. Stick with your boyfriend.
3. Dump your boyfriend and cut off all members of his family and move on.
All you want is sex from his brother. He may turn out not to be as good as his brother in bed anyway.
You are not in love with any of them. It is lust. His brother cannot respect you at all. Maybe he fell for you because you work for a foreign firm or just your beauty. Maybe he is yet to date a free-show like you.
Buckle up and sort yourself out. Girls like you normally end up mocking up their lives and blame childlessness to witches in the family; instead of series of useless abortion. Rubbish!
Sometimes, you think you find the ONE, then you meet another potential ONE. You are just in love with his physical, after all he might be a jerk, you don't know. So, get to know him more(not sexually) and see where his head is at.
Why are some people so jealous and full of low self esteem? Cos u live in a country like Naija where getting into sch at every level is a challenge that means the writer is a liar?
Y'all are the dumb idiots....it is very possible to have two bachelors degrees, a masters and be pursuing an MBA in ur early twenties. Some degrees only take 3yrs to achieve assuming she did two of those, that's 6years and she cld've been doing her masters concurrently with her second bachelors degree. If she got into uni at 15 or 16, what is the lie there? Open ur minds and stop being so myopic.
Stop insulting the girl too, nobody forced you to comment, if you don't have any advice for her then shut the fuck up!
Linda it is so possible. My sister was inlove with two cousins, and had to marry the one that she met first. She says she still loves the other one, and I feel sorry for her. They have been married for five years now with two kids, but the oldest son looks like a carbon copy of the cousin she didn't marry. Many people in the family thinks she cheated, but if she did i dont blame her. The cousin of her husband still hangs around her as her "best friend," and i think they are more than that. Her husband loves her to the point that he thinks she can do no wrong. I feel if you love two people, tell them the truth.Plus just let go of both. Give them 6months to 1year and see who comes after you, then make your decision.
No matter how hard, how depressed and how empty you may end up feeling inside, you MUST leave them alone. I know its really cliche and you may not want to hear this, but time heals all. Leave that family alone, if not your future will be unbearable.
Julie
Like!
Anonymous April 25th at 1:16, the one claiming to be the bf; I hope that you are not some idiot sitting in front of a computer thinking that it is funny to mess with someone's head. It is not at all, so if you are not the guy, get a life. If you are the guy, ndo.
Either way, please go learn how to write. Sometimes I get a headache trying to decipher what an LIBer is trying to say. #jussayin.
First of all your feelings makes you only human! Second of all it is WRONG!! Third of all his brother knows very well u like him and he's just pushing it with all the text and all,and its very bad of him... Plus you should know what is right from what is wrong as a woman and a christian so turn OFF your silly fellings before he 'pops ur cherry' and dump u eventually.
sweetie, ur relationship with the younger brother got boring because u saw smfin exciting in d elder, its just a fling, go back to d guy that u love and u've trusted for 3 years and both of u shd look for d spark that's missing, if not leave them alone and go get anoda man that will make u happy. pls dont destroy a happy family with some silly fling.
sweetie, i think u r in love cos u trust him enuf not to blv rumours and u ve bn togeda for 3 years with the younger one and what u ve with d elder one is just a fling, u r attracted to d eyes and d way he pops ur cherry and u ve probably lost d spark between u and d younger brother because u r distracted, u ve been busy popping cherries, so pls before u become a girl that spoils d happiness in a lovely family, go back to ur boyfriend and try to look for the spark u ve pushed away, if u cant pls go look for anoda girl..........Linda!!!!pls post my comment. Thanks.
young lady it seems like you respect and love your boyfriend or you wont be asking for advice on this. I personally believe its a trick on the family's part. You remba the joke wey guy's fiancee sis come trying shag guy,but guy run outside meet him inlaws, I think this na your test. I know someone whose inlaws tricked and she fell for it and tried dating the younger brother of her fiancee behind his back and the younger brother shagged her and told his whole family and the girl was quit from the family. I dey recomend you stay with the guy you don spend 3years with. My mama tell me it is better when a man loves you pass, because if you love am pass he go play you tube and tire. So i dey warn make you stay with the boyfriend and try forgetting the brother. I bet na this be a plan wey the whole family done join. So be careful. I am glad you asked for help and I commend you. I can see you get brain. Remba na the devil be liar. Him want destroy ur happiness by tempting you. I suggest you tell you man wetin dey for ground, and pray for the best. A good relationship starts with trust and honesty. If una don last 3years, it must mean there is value in this ur relationship.
Just leave the brother be, and do not say anything to either. If you do tell your boyfriend about your secret love for his brother just imagine how he would feel! That may still cause a rift between the two!! Be wise and pray...
You are 22 with 2 Bscs a masters a MBA on the way ?!? You must be a pretty smart lady!! How can you need advice on something as obvious as this?!?!!!
I have one simple question: How did you earn THREE degrees with such appalling grammar/punctuation? Sheesh.
Do u have to insult the chic? Just give advise and move on. Such a dark and evil soul
What are you up to young lady? Are you all right?
Your case seem to be a classic one. Infatuation that is! No be true love.
It seems that you no longer love your boyfriend. May be you let the rumour mongers talks about his cheating get the best of you. Call the relationship off peacefully and respectfully and walk away. This man waited for you so act like a lady. Let's be real you won't find a man on this planet who would be willing to wait 3 damn years without sex!
As for your little fantasy you better think twice. Your boyfriend's older brother is shady. Do you know his past? Try to find out what happened with his former relationships. For him to backstab his own family, his blood, who wouldn't he sell out? This won't lead to marriage he doesn't even respect you. You actually saw through him. He wants your V card simple. Rest assured his family will deal with you quickly. You'll be left with your tears not to mention your forever tarnished reputation. Don't forget you're an african woman.
You have so many degrees and you could not see that was clearly a typo or the fact that maybe the computer am using as a result of corrections changed what I wrote. And of course I did not proof read it. And "small mindedness" is vey correct. With all ur so called chewing gum degrees you don't know this. who is the fool now idiot. If you know how many degrees I have and what I have them in, what schools I went to and how old i was when i graduated and where i work you would shut the fuck up. I shan't respond to you if you reply cos you are big fool and I will not let you drag Me down with your experience.
You just showed yourself again when I said small-minded you are my example. LIB police. As if I am writing to pass an exam somebody asked for advice and first her degrees are picked on then her writing skills. Hisses wonders shall never end! We r doomed sha
Leave both guys alone period....you obviously don't love the younger brother.....and whatever feelings you have for the elder brother is not worth destroying the relationship between these brothers...
Move on with your life and cut all ties...you are gonna find someone else who's gonna love you.....and you'll be able to live with yourself
OKAY, THIS IS SOME HARD SHIT. BUT I MEAN THESE THINGS HAPPEN EVERYDAY. I'M GLAD YOU KNOW YOUR LEFT FROM RIGHT AND YOU HAVE A SENSE OF WHAT'S GOOD & BAD.
MATTERS OF THE HEART ARE TERRIBLY SERIOUS AND I FIND IT ALMOST ANNOYING THAT PEOPLE WOULD CALL YOU A GOLD-DIGGER OR TELL YOU, YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR BOYFRIEND JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU MAY LOVE SOMEONE ELSE BE IT BROTHER OR RANDOM PERSON.
1- IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE 2 PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE THEY ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND THEY PROBABLY CHALLENGE YOU IN DIFFERENT WAYS. SO CALM DOWN, YOU ARE NOT COMMITTING ANY GRAVE SINS HERE.
2-CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT YOU STARTED FALLING FOR THE ELDER BROTHER BASED ON HIS LOOKS AND CHARM AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NOT SURE OF BEING ABLE TO STAY IN CONTROL AROUND HIM, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU'RE PROBABLY ONLY IN LUST WITH THIS MAN AND NOTHIG EVER DEVELOPS FROM LUST. THE 'FIRE' BURNS RIGHT AFTER THE 'DEED' IS DONE. IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT YOU ARE FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
3-I'M SURPRISED THAT NONE OF THE COMMENTS ARE ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT SHE SAID SHE HEARS RUMORS ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND CHEATING, ARE Y'ALL DUMB? Lol, Excuse me. RUMORS DON'T JUST COME UP.THEY ALWAYS STEM FROM A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. NOT THAT THEY ARE ENTIRELY TRUE BUT THERE'S ALWAYS AN OUNCE OF TRUTH TO THEM. SEEING AS HE'S NOT GETTING ANY FROM YOU, HE MIGHT JUST BE GETTING FROM OTHER PLACES.
4. YOU REALLY CAN'T GO ON EVADING YOUR MAN'S CALLS/TEXTS. THIS IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO FACE SOONER OR LATER.COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
5. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU STAY OUTTA TOUCH WITH Mr. ELDER BROTHER, HE WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE. I MEAN HE IS YOUR POTENTIAL HUSBAND'S BROTHER. ASKING YOU TO STAY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A LITTLE BIT SILLY CAUSE UNRESOLVED FEELINGS REALLY NEVER GO AWAY. IF YOU DO MARRY YOUR GUY, IN THE LONG RUN YOU & THIS ELDER BROTHER WOULD 'MISTAKENLY' UNLEASH YOUR HIDDEN FEELINGS AND THEN KASALA GO BURST!! Lol.
6. TAKE A BREAK PLEASE. FROM BOTH THESE MEN. I CAN'T IMAGINE THE KINDA EMOTIONAL TOLL THIS HAS TAKEN ON YOU.
7. YOU ARE NOT A GOLD-DIGGER. OR A WHORE. OR DUMB. YOU ARE JUST A WOMAN IN AN EMOTIONAL DILEMMA.
8. YOU ARE YOUNG, YOU HAVE A LOTTA TIME TO START ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP AND FALL IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN. THIS FAMILY IS DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE GOD WANTS FOR YOU.
LASTLY, I REALLY CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOU. NEITHER CAN ANY OF THESE OTHER PEOPLE. WE CAN ONLY ADVICE YOU. TAKE TIME TO THINK THIS THROUGH.
BLESS. x
Stop talking to both guys. End of.
how do you know it is not a set up? maybe the brothers are setting you up to see how faithful u are. especially when the sister is telling u to go with the brother who will get the biggest share of wealth. Think girl.
"I feel like am emotionally cheating on the guy am currently dating" u just answered urselve well i dont blame u are from ngwa were history made us believe they eat human flesh please leave dat family alone before u eat two brother....
Babe, you need to grow up. You are definitely acting silly. Love? Don't make a mistake. Better you take time off and go decipher your thots. Don't go causing problems just because you are immature.
Hey babe, i won't mind u bcos such is bound to happen in life but blv me honesty is still d best policy in life. Wat if u married d elder bro and later saw anoda man dat is better dan him, wil u also jump on him too. Everybody has their own uniqueness. Love ur man 4 him. I can only smell lust and not love around here. Let ur head control u. Better stil, leave d family or u'll av uref 2 blame at d end of d game. All dat glitters are not gold.
2 Bachelors, One Masters and an MBA on d way....all in early twenties???? Working in a Fortune 500 company with terrible grammar???
NA WASH!!!!! Linda, abeg stop insulting our Intelligence. If no news, just chill.
i would say leave the family alone, break up with the younger brother and loose both their details and change yours and start over because i don't think the younger brother will understand!
Nne! just leave the family. if u end up marrying ur man, believe me you must commit adultery one day.
try to love ur boyfriend again
see if u can discuss with him on this that is if he is the type that wont flip but listen
if u dont succeed in any of the above just leave the family!
u shld marry someone u love n dat someone shld also love u
u love someone becos d person is d person not bcos of their look,d way they talk etc,all those things can change.a person u love for who d person is will still ve that glow to u in a 100yrs
April 25, 2012 4:43 PM chei your own nah to murder the babe i don laugh tire sote sote i come fall comot from chair nawa ohhh
April 25, 2012 1:41 PM omo mehn you won't kill me with laughter which one is etisalat again as futse 500 chei nawa ohhh
April 25, 2012 1:16 PM are you sure you are who you say you are plase don't come here and start talking rubbish
April 25, 2012 1:03 PM ye pa this is tooo funy mehn you got me LOL
well let me say that you would cause enmity as this is a case i know where the lady left the younger bro to marry the elder bro and 30 whole years later the brothers don't see eye to eye so please get yourself i don't want to say wicked out of that family and do not destroy the peace that exist as it is obvious you don't like your bf that much as in if another man comes along, you still would not be able to control yourself TAKE A WALK GIRL!!!!!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with falling in love with your boyfriend's brother....I wonder why someone would say that it is evil. You say that you promised your boyfriend that you will marry him.... has he paid your bride price? No!!! so, you are not obligated to marry him. My advise is; follow your heart. Be with someone you know you can spend the rest of your life happy with him.
Babes i really think this whole thing is crazy,i will say you better watch your steps so you dont end up beaten. its either you kill woteva you feel for the elder broda or you walk away from the family.
Babe i think u should tell ur bf everything, if he truly loves u he would understand trust me. Pls don't, make the mistake of leaving ur bf for the older brother, if u do that u will forever regret it. pls think well
Ignorance is a disease that needs serious attention in Nigeria @anon April 26 12:28 and the rest of you so quick to insult her concerning her degrees nonsense! Funny thing is a lot of people In their ignorance believe they know best I wonder how we will move forward as a country. When even the youths bask in ignorance. Shame every time you hear some idiot saying na wash hissss.
i know the girl who posted this message to you.. i must tell her boyfriend.. she changed here details her.. her boyfriend must know that she has the intention to cheat with her brother
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