Dear LIB readers: Help me make sense of this!

A letter from an ardent LIB reader and commenter. She needs your advise. Read below...

I’ve been having this dilemma for quite some time now. Advice me please... albeit bluntly. Of course its a ‘guy’ issue. The only problem is that this ‘guy’ is my in-law.

I meet guy last year, while I was on holiday in Abuja. He’s married to my cousin, a lady I hadn’t seen in like 18 odd years.  When I met him, I greeted him like I would any other relation. After our first meeting, we would all go out together, to family parties and general outings. Through that, guy and I exchanged BB pins.

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When I eventually got back to the US, we maintained a cordial relationship; even though on BB, he was one of those contacts that would never have a display pic or update his status, almost like he wasn’t there. We never really chatted....it was mainly a ‘how is family, how are things’ sort of chat.

Then one day, I displayed a picture of me...a rather sultry one. With that the compliments flooded in; surprisingly this guy that barely talked to me, ping me saying ‘you’ve forgotten me shey’. At first I thought he mistakenly sent the message to the wrong contact. So I replied, ‘me ke? (my name) cannot forget you oh, you’re family now’. He then laughed it off and asked for my number. I was baffled, but then I thought, he is family. What harm could he do? (How wrong was I).

I sent him my number and he called almost immediately. I thought it was weird, but I blew it off. After all guy was family..... He told me he liked me, that he was attracted to me and had been from the moment he set his eyes on me. I was flabbergasted. I’m not the kind of woman to shut someone down, even if they’re blatantly wrong, so I told him I was flattered but nothing would ever amount from what he’d just told me, because he is a married man. We ended the conversation on a nice note, and I thought we were done.

  

After that phone conversation, our chats on BB became more frequent. We chatted every single day. He would compliment me constantly....telling me the sweetest things, calling me beautiful and special. This went on for several months and soon after I started to fall for him. I would get butterflies whenever i got a ping, thinking it was him. I would get agitated it he hadn’t pinged me all day.  I became emotionally attached.  He visited the US a couple of times and would ask me to meet him and I would. The last time I met him, one thing led to another and we both stripped to our undies. When I told him I couldn’t go any further and that it wasn’t inappropriate, he ushered me out....as if to say, ‘you’re useless get out’. (That still didn’t stop the sweet messages and compliments).

He asked me to send him pictures of me and I did without hesitation, he even once asked me to send him an x-rated pic. His exact words were ‘show me what you’ve got’. I told him, that I couldn’t do that. (That didn’t stop him from continually asking).
 

I kinda felt really special...like out of all the girls it was me he chose (ODE). It was so easy to disregard my cousin after all I hadn’t known her that long and she was a stranger.

A few weeks backs, I found out that his wife had a baby. She didn’t tell us she was pregnant because she wanted to surprise us, as it was her first child.

Since she’s put to bed, the chats are not as frequent as they used to be. Before it was like he was pestering and bothering me....now it’s like i’m the one doing the bugging.

I’m at a loss; I’ve accumulated feelings for this man....something that I know is too damn wrong. I’m trying to escape it. Sometimes i’m mad at him for being so selfish...but when he pings me, I forget everything.

Recently, I’ve been feeling like a piece of shit. I feel like I was used to appease his sexual desires while his wife was pregnant. All the compliments and sweet things were just a ploy to get me exactly where he wanted.  I also feel like he played on my naivety as he is an older (6yrs) man. I feel so easy. I feel like he sees me as a ‘non (motherfucking) factor. Someone he can pick up and drop whenever he likes. This has made me lose focus on what’s important in my life.

I sometimes feel so annoyed, like he has his beautiful wife, he’s beautiful child and a lovely home and here I am, no gain. How could I allow myself to fall for this nigga, knowing full well that he was never on the market?

In the process of all this, we exchanged various details. From phone numbers to work and personal emails to skype ID to home address. I’ve attempted to delete him from my BBM. When I did, he emailed me and when I didn’t reply, he skyped me.

I don’t know what to do. I want to cut him off completely, but then I think I will see him one day, how do I answer his questions? Would he attempt to pick up from where he left off? I am actually afraid of what might transpire if we meet again.

LIB readers, what do you make of this, have any of you ladies had such experiences? Men, have you done this kinda thing to girls before? Help me make sense of this issue please. Before I lose my mind!!

Regards.

D. x