Hey everyone, this is my scenario;
There are two of my schoolmates (couple) who just moved into our (school) residential estate. The guy beats the girl constantly, and i have personally heard it at least twice, but our neighbors (who live closer to them, and don't attend our school) say the chilling screams and cries from the girl keeps them awake sometimes.
In the first occasion i witnessed, i heard her SCREAMING for help! At first, i thought they were getting attacked, and i was about to call for help, then i saw him come out of the house swearing at her and throwing curse, derogatory words at her. I was shocked and didn't know what to do. I wanted to do something, but i didn't, and to be candid (and i know it sounds so unbelievable), but calling the police did not cross my mind at that point...i was too shocked to even think!
This guy is well known in school for having the shortest fuse ever, and for verbally abusing the girl in public. Recently it has gotten worse...almost every night(according to their neighbors). Funny thing is that their "friends" live in the estate too, frequent their place and hang out with them all the time, so i am sure they are aware of this...but they cover it up and keep laughing with this guy, indirectly condoning his actions. The most recent screams i heard was so bad that i couldn't take it, and i had to report to an authoritative figure in school that day for them to get her some help. Now i am being castigated for it.
Even my roommate whom herself suggested for us to report to a school authority and encouraged me to do so when i suggested whom to tell, is now backpedaling on me, claiming that she just wants "an amicable, peaceful relationship" in the estate. *smh*--> Learned my lesson there. Pressure indeed reveals true character huh? You won't believe how people(some students) who have blood running through their veins are treating this matter. Basically, instead of putting the blame where it should be, and showing this guy how wrong he is, i am getting the heat instead for trying to help a fellow human being. People are more concerned about "who told" than "what was told", and of course the girl is sticking up for him big time, claiming they were just arguing, meanwhile she comes to school caked up with bruises sometimes showing thru and always excessively covered up in layers.
The authority i told didn't tell them i did, but they went asking neighbors, and when the girl asked me, i couldn't deny it. I told her i did. She said its not my business, that what happens between couples should stay between them and that i am making her man look bad etc. She even went on to put the blame on herself! She didn't admit to the physical abuses, neither did she deny them. I am not mad at her tho because i know she's in denial, and is going through phases of an abuse; all i can do is pray for her, her well-being and that someday she will see her worth and leave! She told me that she is worried about him getting kicked out of school, or blacklisted by profs, and asked me to go back and tell the authority that what i said was a lie.
For some reason, more than i am with the coward that beats her, I am more outraged with their so called friends who i am so so sure know of this, and still keep quiet about it, and are even giving me stares and making snide remarks about me.
What are your thoughts on my action? And what would you have done if you were in my shoes?
Thanks for your inputs!
19 comments:
Well Rihanna rightly sang, ''I love the way you lie'' maybe she loves the way he abuses her. People have serious issues to deal with these days. Nyways lets pray that she realises how useless this man is b4 he kills her. I think she suffers from insecurity else why will she be with such a useless fella. She aint even married to him and he's giving her black eyes already...mschew. Some men just have nerves on them.
I normally like to mind my own business, but I would be absolutely gutted if God forbid, the girl dies and I didn't try hard to help her.These girls that put themselves through this infuriate me so damn much. Why would you stay with, and even stick up for someone who treats you like that.
I say report to the necessary authorities. If the screaming continues, call the police under any pretext. Say you thought they were being attacked or that it was constituting a public nuisance. Do your possible best. If all this fails, and anything happens to her, at least you can be sure of a clear, guilt free conscience.
You did nothing absolutely nothing wrong and everyone treating you like a pariah should be ashamed of themselves. As for the girl I hope she gets smart enough to get herself out of that situation.
I think that a man who hits a lady is no man at all...if he were, he would exert his physical strength on a person of equal physical strength (i.e. another man)...
You have done the right thing by reporting the situation to a person of authority who hopefully can help...@ least now you can say that you tried your best...
One more thing you can do is to speak directly to this lady in question...who knows, she may feel un-empowered to leave Mr Hitter, and only needs someone to talk some sense into her...encourage her to seek protection from him, and him to seek help...
Weldone.
You did the right thing. I commend you. Nigerians have a history of silence and turning the other way on issues of women abuse. You are a maverick for standing up against the establishment and doing what had to be done. Well done.
http://lookingglassofanimmigrant.blogspot.com/
Thank God you had the courage to report it, it's a very serious ill in our society. Unfortunately we have too many people that just conveniently follow the crowd instead of taking a stand. Definetely wouldn't bother about the stares and snide remarks (no send them) as long as I did the right I felt compelled to do.
u did the right thing.
my dear u did the right thing....but the truth is that most nigerians are liverless. everyone knws something is bad but they wont do anything about it and secretly hopes someone else will do it for them. Its good the way u tipped off the authorities anonymously but u should have remained anonymous for ur own protection incase the boy came charging to ur house like an enraged ram.
That girl has obviously signed her own death warrant.....u will see the day that boy will kill her or maim her badly that would be the day every one will remember that someone told the authorities and they did not thing about it.
truth be told a lot of women in abusive relationships just love it...dont know how good a fuck a guy can be to make a girl remain with him despite how he beats the crap outta her...i must say it must really be a wonderful fuck....
Hmmmm! You all should google "emotional abuse" and learn a few things. A lot of people who are wondering what the matter is with the girl are in the same situation themselves. If your husband/boyfriend has ever physically intimidated you by poking or grabbing u, smashing objects, blocking ur path, driving erratically/terrifyingly with you in the car because he was angry, towered over u during arguments then u are in the same situation as this woman....you have been physically abused. He may also make veiled threats like "u are pushing me too far o" "u are provoking me" or "u don't want to mess with me". If you are in this category, then you are not far from physical abuse and you are definitely being verbally/emotonally abused.
As horrible as it is, physical abuse is only one part the long process of emotional abuse.....and emotional abuse is rife in our society.
Most of the victims are actually the nicest people ever, with the biggest hearts..........which is why they put the other persons interests (i don't want him to be kicked out of school) ahead of their well being and also why they are quick to forgive. The girl has been brainwashed by her abuser (look up Stockholm syndrome) and denial can be a big prison. This is a complex issue but NO ONE should even think about blaming the girl for "liking/loving the way he treats her".
The gist of the whole matter is that she CANNOT help herself. We have to help her and so you were 1000% correct in doing what you did. The problem is that silly people still insist on treating this as "man-woman palaver". Of course when he kills her they will sing a different tune!
And that is where this is heading. He will kill her one day because he is obviously very violent. We were all wondering how that Yankee Professor could kill his wife. And what about the pharmacist who killed his wife? Lets not stand by idly and condone this kind of behavior from anyone we know. No more making up of excuses.
Again the bottom line is that all these variations of intimate partner violence do not start in 1 day....it all begins with subtle emotional abuse. Girls, lets educate ourselves so we can learn the subtle signs of abuse and do not tolerate this kind of treatment. If u cannot help urself get away from his web, try and reach out to someone who can help u. Nuff said.
Hmmmm! You all should google "emotional abuse" and learn a few things. A lot of people who are wondering what the matter is with the girl are in the same situation themselves. If your husband/boyfriend has ever physically intimidated you by poking or grabbing u, smashing objects, blocking ur path, driving erratically/terrifyingly with you in the car because he was angry, towered over u during arguments then u are in the same situation as this woman....you have been physically abused. He may also make veiled threats like "u are pushing me too far o" "u are provoking me" or "u don't want to mess with me". If you are in this category, then you are not far from physical abuse and you are definitely being verbally/emotonally abused.
As horrible as it is, physical abuse is only one part the long process of emotional abuse.....and emotional abuse is rife in our society.
Most of the victims are actually the nicest people ever, with the biggest hearts..........which is why they put the other persons interests (i don't want him to be kicked out of school) ahead of their well being and also why they are quick to forgive. The girl has been brainwashed by her abuser (look up Stockholm syndrome) and denial can be a big prison. This is a complex issue but NO ONE should even think about blaming the girl for "liking/loving the way he treats her".
The gist of the whole matter is that she CANNOT help herself. We have to help her and so you were 1000% correct in doing what you did. The problem is that silly people still insist on treating this as "man-woman palaver". Of course when he kills her they will sing a different tune!
And that is where this is heading. He will kill her one day because he is obviously very violent. We were all wondering how that Yankee Professor could kill his wife. And what about the pharmacist who killed his wife? Lets not stand by idly and condone this kind of behavior from anyone we know. No more making up of excuses.
Again the bottom line is that all these variations of intimate partner violence do not start in 1 day....it all begins with subtle emotional abuse. Girls, lets educate ourselves so we can learn the subtle signs of abuse and do not tolerate this kind of treatment. If u cannot help urself get away from his web, try and reach out to someone who can help u. Nuff said.
Hmmmm! You all should google "emotional abuse" and learn a few things. A lot of people who are wondering what the matter is with the girl are in the same situation themselves. If your husband/boyfriend has ever physically intimidated you by poking or grabbing u, smashing objects, blocking ur path, driving erratically/terrifyingly with you in the car because he was angry, towered over u during arguments then u are in the same situation as this woman....you have been physically abused. He may also make veiled threats like "u are pushing me too far o" "u are provoking me" or "u don't want to mess with me". If you are in this category, then you are not far from physical abuse and you are definitely being verbally/emotonally abused.
As horrible as it is, physical abuse is only one part the long process of emotional abuse.....and emotional abuse is rife in our society.
Most of the victims are actually the nicest people ever, with the biggest hearts..........which is why they put the other persons interests (i don't want him to be kicked out of school) ahead of their well being and also why they are quick to forgive. The girl has been brainwashed by her abuser (look up Stockholm syndrome) and denial can be a big prison. This is a complex issue but NO ONE should even think about blaming the girl for "liking/loving the way he treats her".
The gist of the whole matter is that she CANNOT help herself. We have to help her and so you were 1000% correct in doing what you did. The problem is that silly people still insist on treating this as "man-woman palaver". Of course when he kills her they will sing a different tune!
And that is where this is heading. He will kill her one day because he is obviously very violent. We were all wondering how that Yankee Professor could kill his wife. And what about the pharmacist who killed his wife? Lets not stand by idly and condone this kind of behavior from anyone we know. No more making up of excuses.
Again the bottom line is that all these variations of intimate partner violence do not start in 1 day....it all begins with subtle emotional abuse. Girls, lets educate ourselves so we can learn the subtle signs of abuse and do not tolerate this kind of treatment. If u cannot help urself get away from his web, try and reach out to someone who can help u. Nuff said.
my dear, you did nothing and i mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. this chick has got it twisted. that guy is some low self esteem PIG and a CONTROL FREAK who only feels good about himself when he's in charge of something/somebody.
my dear, this is my advice to you. it might be evasive and unlawful, its the best.
that FUCKSTICK needs a dose of his own medicine and my dear, you have to get some area boys involved and the police at the same time. he has to be beaten to pulp and at the same time go to jail. if you don't do this, sooner or later, he's going to come after you.
when you start something, you have to finish it and this is one battle that needs to be won.
if he really cares about his education, he won't do the shit he's doing so he needs to pay for every pain he's causing that girl.
FORGET ABOUT YOU DOING THIS FOR THE GIRL and think of the bigger picture; do this for this women, do this for the human race and most importantly; FOR YOURSELF.
the day you informed the authorities, the day you became a part of that battle and you have got to finish it. THAT BOY HAS TO PAY. HE MUST PAY. THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE HATES YOU OR PEOPLE HATE YOU AND CALL YOU NOSY. THAT PIG HAS GOT TO PAY. it is your job right now to balance the society because he is a MENACE AND A NUISANCE.
i beg of you, get rid of him. throw him into to prison and make sure he is properly beaten before the police get's involved. if you don't and she dies; trust me you won't be happy with yourself.
please i beg you, DEAL WITH HIM.
i was also physically abused by my ex-boyfrnd bcoz i told him i was tired of the relationship n didnt want again.now everybody is tellin me to forgive him n not have him kicked out of the school.i am beginning to feel very guilty.wat shud i do?
i was also physically abused by my ex-boyfrnd bcoz i told him i was tired of the relationship n didnt want again.now everybody is tellin me to forgive him n not have him kicked out of the school.i am beginning to feel very guilty.wat shud i do?
Do not listen to them o! Has he changed in any way? Most likely he hasn't cos abusive men very rarely change. I know he is apologizing to you but remember all the other times he apologized and then went right back to doing the same thing. Also make sure u always remember why you wanted to leave him in the 1st place (before he even laid a hand on you).
If his behaviour causes him to be kicked out of school, how is that your fault? The coward should face the consequences of his actions so maybe next time (with the next poor woman) he will think twice. Nuff said.
Like you said she's still in denial and would unfortunately only come out of it when her body is 6ft under. I wouldn't mind contacting her parents too if I was the one BUT be careful oh. Make cult guys no come after you because you wanted to help someone who didn't want to be helped.
Call me heartless but i don't feel bad for women who are been abused for nothing. Until some women get some SENSE and do the right thing then you can talk to me.
Didn't Rihanna said,"i love the way it hurts" smth like that so i guess some women love it. Shuo, Rih probably needed that with the way she's been acting. And now, she's a hero for what? Seriously!!!
Is it that hard for men and women(yes, we ain't that innocent) keep their freaking hands to themselves.
You definitely did the right thing.since you've done your part leave the rest to the girl.if she doesn't want help then let them be.
I have a friend like that and there's nothing much you can do but pray that she wakes up one day and realizes the wrongs being done to her
Post a Comment