14 years after, I saw the man that molested me - by Tosin Silverdam

Tosin is the guy with feminine look that I have posted here a few times. He shares his story below...

"Growing up with a single parent has never been the reason for my mistakes in life, my mother taught me and my brothers well, she gave us the best education, she made sure we never lacked. My mother did all these in the absence of my father who abandoned us at the tender age of 5 years old. It was difficult for us but we survived, yes we survived. How I wish I had a father figure, how I wish I had four eyes to watch over me. My mother can't do it all, she's a superwoman but she's also a human being.

I still remember clearly how it all happened, it was 14 years ago. I was only 11, in my JSS class, I was naïve, I was young and scared. I should have told my mother about it, how he lured me to his room, how he hit me again and again and how he brought out knife threatening to kill me if I tell anyone. He was a neighbour, he was nice and friendly, I call him Uncle K, he's a son of a rich Alhaja in my street. A fresh graduate, still in his twenties, he helped me with my assignments cos my brothers were not always around to help me. Uncle K gave me chocolates, he gave me money, my mother liked me because of his very reserved attitude, she believed I was safe in his hands, my mother was not always at home, she was a Nurse, she was very busy working to fend for us. My elder brothers were not always at home they were schooling in another state and my father was no where to be found. I was always home alone but I found joy in Uncle K.

I found joy in Uncle K. Joy? It was joy in the beginning not until it turned out to be sorrow for me, it turned out to be my darkest secret but no more a secret, what he did to me still haunts me. I was in his place as usual, he was home alone, he was always home alone. I was playing a video game in the living room, while he was in his room, then he called me to come take "Goody Goody" a chocolate candy, I quickly rushed to his room, I found him naked on the bed, watching porn on the TV screen. I was nervous, he got up from the bed, gave me chocolate, locked the door and told me to sit down. What did I know? I was naïve, I sat down watching the pornography with him, he kissed me unexpectedly, I wasn't bothered or shocked cos that wasn't the first time Uncle K would kiss me on my lips, so I thought it was nothing.

Uncle K said I should touch his erected penis, I declined, I was scared, he forced my hands on his penis. I told him I can't but he eventually had his way. My hand was on his penis already, he asked if I liked it, I couldn't give an answer. He wanted me to give him a mouth action, I know nothing, I was young, I gave him the mouth action, while he was moaning. He touched my buttocks, instructed me to pull off my trouser. I totally declined, that was when I realised something bad is about to happen to me. I told him I wanted to go home, I wasn't comfortable anymore, I was nervous. He forced me to undress, I struggled, I cried, then he gave me a dirty slap, I cried louder, screaming I want to home, he hit me again and told me to keep quiet. I wasn't strong enough to fight someone who is way older than me. Uncle K forced me, pulled off my trouser, pushed me on the bed, trying to penetrate me, I screamed louder, he was unable to penetrate me probably because
 my anus was too tight. He quickly got up, begging me, told me to wear my trouser. I cried bitterly, threatened I was going to tell my mother. He begged me not tell her, he said he was sorry, he continued begging but I insisted I was going to inform my mother about it. Immediately he rushed out of the room and came back with a knife threatening to kill me if I tell my mother, Uncle K became a monster all of a sudden.

I couldn't tell my mother about it, I stopped visiting Uncle K but my mother insisted I go to his place for my assignment, she even invited him over and instructed him to follow him to his place, I was scared, I cried, screamed that I don't want to go to his place neither do I want to see him. My mother was shocked, she asked Uncle K what happened between us but he said nothing happened, she even apologised to him for my behaviour as he left.  My mother tried to know the reason for my sudden hatred towards Uncle K whom I cherished so much. I couldn't tell her, probably because I was ashamed or I was scared of dying. Few weeks later, Uncle K travelled out of the country, I regained some peace, freedom and courage to walk in my street without stumbling unto Uncle K.

14 years later, I'm now a graduate, matured enough, 25 years old, strong and wise, now living in a new environment. I was actually in a filling station queuing to buy fuel for generator, then I heard a voice from behind, that voice sounds so familiar, I turned back and I saw him again, after 14 years, he was in his Jeep, I was surprised when I saw him. I saw the man that sexually molested me when I was young, I saw the man that made me scared of keeping male friends, I grew up having female friends, I wasn't comfortable in the midst of boys ever since that terrible ordeal. It made me loathe boys, I can't even go naked in the presence of a guy, I'm still fighting with this low self esteem. Uncle K couldn't recognise me cos I've grown fatter but he was staring at me, while I was smiling instead of me to be scared, crying and screaming that I don't want to see him again, I guess I'm now matured and strong.

Now, how would you feel if you see someone who sexually molested you as a kid after so many years? Cos I know so many people are going through this psychological trauma. Its not easy to forgive and forget, I've already forgiven Uncle K but I can never forget that day, I don't know if I still hate him anymore but I've forgiven even though he never asked for forgiveness.

Please parents, especially single parents, please watch over your kids, they might not be in safe hands as you think."