Dear LIB readers: My aunt's husband won't leave me alone | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Wednesday 26 November 2014

Dear LIB readers: My aunt's husband won't leave me alone


From a female LIB reader
I'm 18 years old, I'm living with my aunt. Recently, I notice the way my aunt's husband looks at me, like he gives me this look that always make me feel uncomfortable even when I look away and look back he still does it. Whenever we are alone in the living room, he starts asking me questions that I don't expect him to ask me. For example, "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I really want us to be close, like I always want you to be honest with me when we talk" and am like, "Is he really serious right now". At times when I'm upstairs in my room, he calls me to come downstairs & stay with him, so that we can talk

At end of the day, he goes on in wanting to know everything I do, who calls me, who hangs out with me, if I have a boyfriend, I generally try to avoid the conversation with him.
The other time when I was watching a movie on my laptop and was lying down on the couch in the living room, he came in and started touching me on the legs as he was asking me what movie I was watching, I told him, but he still kept touching me on the legs and the next thing, I felt his hands on my laps,  I didn't know what to do, I was looking for the courage to tell him to get his hands off me, but it wasn't there. Then I got uncomfortable and left the living room.

Another time I was in the kitchen eating cucumber, he came in and asked me to give him, but i told him that I've already put in my mouth, and he said he doesn't mind, but i told him no and left, ever since then i created an attitude of hate towards him, i respond rudely to him and ignore him at times, he even noticed it, but didn't say anything. Rather he went to my Aunt and was reporting me, saying bad things to her about him that i never did to him, he even went ahead to tell her about the Cucumber incident, but this time around, he twisted the whole situation, saying that i was yelling at him and told him to get out! that i won't give him my cucumber, he didn't even say the part of me putting in my mouth already.

My aunt confronted me about it and i said to her that i thought he was joking when he asked me for the cucumber and i decided to joke back at him by telling him that i won't give him (But i never said the part that i already had the cucumber in my mouth) Initially, that was what happened, it was a joke all together, but he wanted to get to me, since i decided start ignoring him. My aunt yelled at me and i didn't find it funny, it made me hate him more and he could see it and my aunt also testify to that.  Another issue we had was the time i put gas into one of his cars to use for my driving lessons, he knew that i used my money in putting the gas in the car, and he decided to use the car and ended up using all the gas, so My brother told me he was the one who used up all the gas, i went to him and told him politely that he used up the gas i put in his car, and i was going to use it for my driving lessons, he started  acting like he doesn't even know what i was talking about, then my aunt walked in and he started laughing saying that i was asking him to pay for the gas he used in his own car, i got mad and left.

My aunt called me again asking me why i confronted him without telling her, saying that i have no right to ask him to payback for the gas he used, that it's his car, and i should never confront him, i should come and tell her, that what i did was so dis-respectful She also said that the way i confront him at times always makes her wonder if i hate him, that what gives  me the audacity to confront him like that, but she doesn't even know it's because of what happened between us, when he touched me and also how he said he wanted us to be close. i left her and kept asking myself how was my action dis-respectful, i only ask him to pay me back the gas he used.   now a bigger problem went on today, one of his cousin came to stay with us, she normally goes to work in the morning, and it's his job to be dropping her off every time, but at times my brother drops her off when he drops me off to school. i was almost getting ready for school, and i told my brother i was done, the woman was actually sleeping  when i was telling my brother i was ready to go to school, but she overheard us and came out saying that her brother(My aunt's husband) wasn't around, that she didn't know i was going to school today that i should please wait for her let her get ready, so that my own brother could drop us all off, so i told her fine i''ll wait for her, even though i was very late to go to school and it's h an hour drive to my school.

Patiently waiting for her, my aunt's husband came back immediately, i greeted him and i was happy that he came back, at least he will drop his sister off, i ran upstairs to tell her that her brother was back and he will be the one dropping her off since she's still in the shower and can't wait anymore, immediately, my aunt's husband was downstairs, and he heard me when i was talking to his sister, he started shouting saying, what do i even mean that he will be the one dropping her off, that he just came back this and that, so i said politely to him, that i know but i'm late for school, my class has already started as i'm talking to u right now, he replied saying that he doesn't care if my class has stared that it's none of his business, that his sister whose job starts like in the next 2 hours must follow us and i and my brother should wait for her. i got mad, but i didn't say anything it was my brother who started shouting saying that he is not waiting for anybody and i was late for school, telling him if i'm waiting for her, it's mine business and I'll go to school late, my aunt's husband still shouting and yelling, i came downstairs saying that i won't wait and i don't care too. When my aunt came back he told her everything saying that i insulted him, by saying "i don't care too" and am like you were the one who started shouting unnecessarily when you're not suppose to shout, saying you don't care if i go late to school, he never denying saying that to my aunt, but annoyed me most wad that my aunt ignored what he said and was more focused on the reply i gave to him, which i never said in his face, she was shouting, they were both shouting at me, my aunt started saying that she doesn't understand why i hate him, she came up with gas and cucumber incident again, she just painted me black in front of him  making me feel like it's my fault, my aunt's husband said that he if ever insult him again, i'll leave his house. So i got mad and told my aunty everything, that he touched me! he wanted the cucumber in my mouth! he wants us to be close!, then when i looked at him, his jaw was dropped he couldn't believe i'll say something like that. My aunt's face changed, she started asking me what really happened and i told her everything, she now said no wonder! that she always wonder why i hate him, she started asking her husband, the idiot did not deny touching me rather he called it a playful touch, saying things like can't he joke with me, and i replied saying by touching me on the legs is now a joke, my aunt didn't find the allegation that i was accusing her husband, she even asked me to come and demonstrate how he was touching on her own body, i refused, he said, oh! you see" she doesn't want to, so i got angry and went over to my aunt to describe the touch, she asked me what i wearing that day, i told her i wearing a short, she asked me if it was an innocent or sexual touch, i didn't even know what to say to her again, at the otherhand her husband was shouting saying if it was like that i''l leave their house, he got angry and left the house, my aunt now said to me, i should tell her exactly what happened and i did, she ended up concluding that if it's like that i'll leave their house, because there is no way i and her husband will never be in peace together, even if i said it was an innocent touch, am  wrong for trying to use that against him because of how he said i insulted him, on the other hand if it was sexual, then am leaving their house to avoid trouble between them. i said nothing to her, but she has concluded her mind that am leaving their house, she told i should go to bed tomorrow morning we will talk about it again, i really don't know what to do or even who to talk about it with,  i really need help, please!

226 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Disrespectful child, even though what the man did is totally wrong you have no right to talk back at your aunts husband. You no know ur mate? Leave the house b4 ur immaturity breaks that home

Anonymous said...

Lmaoooo...Agbaya...baba fe je cucumber smh

Anonymous said...

I swear, I just dey laugh,i almost fell off the chair at the cucumber part...He wants to kiss u via the cucumber...lmaoooooooooooooooo

Anonymous said...

"Another time I was in the kitchen eating cucumber, he came in and asked me to give him, but i told him that I've already put in my mouth, and he said he doesn't mind" LOL i swear it feels like am reading a porn novel

Anonymous said...

My dear i take God beg you oooooo leave that house because what lies ahead is bigger ooooo!!! this is somthing CharlezB will solve in less that 10seconds. May his soul rest in peace Amen. We miss you Charles.

Anonymous said...

Anon 9:36am, Fighting back doesn't solve the problem? All she has to do is watch? Really? Watch until she gets raped? Do you have sawdust for brains? Now I'm starting to understand why and how nigerian men treat their women in such despicable manners. When you act like you have shit for brains and you just leave yourself wide open to assaults in compromising situations without acting like you're human, you should be treated as such, you have feelings and you're not just an inanimate object to be used up and chucked out when done; why won't the men use you anyhow and discard of you whenever they're tired? If that girl had been nice and polite all the time the dirty man tried stuff with her, he would have interpreted that as a "come-on" and situation would have probably escalated by now; plus, when the truth finally came out, the Aunty wouldn't have believed her, it would've been easier for the husband to claim the girl had been making passes at him etc, the fact that she's always shown disdain for him helped the aunt believe her more because she had been wondering about the reason for a while too. I think she believes her niece and wants to help her but also doesn't want to lose her marriage, that's why she keeps grasping at straws and pretending not to quite understand. So stop giving young people stupid and daft advice, thereby exposing them to further harm and potential assaults. Can't believe you would advocate for things to be left unsaid in this day and age were we are trying to encourage victims of rape to speak out. Can't believe some Nigerians still think out of their butts!!

Anonymous said...

are y both out of ur minds. ...u must be high on fake cocaine. how do u expect an 18 yrs old to handle a sexual assault case?
Anonymous 9.36 n Jenny zee must be sexual molesters.....wat do u expect an 18yr old to do....handle wat maturely????....if madam aunty says leave my house, that does not mean leave the world oooo.
even the aunt has been suspicious of her husband, if not, she would not have asked the poor gal to come n demonstrate how the idiot was touching her, she wouldn't have asked her for the details....
my dear, u did the right time, u will definitely get another accommodation, leave the house but u know wat that ur aunt's marriage will never be d same again cus u have given her a reason to be vigilant as pertains to her ' horseband'

Unknown said...

I totally agree. Nthn more 2 add. Men will alwayz b men it now balls down 2 how u handle the situation.

Unknown said...

I totally agree with you. Men will alwayz b men, it all balls down 2 how u handle the situation. Your rudeness has cost u ur free accommodation lol! Next time u apply wisdom.

Unknown said...

What kinda marriage is she 'saving' with a prevert? What purpose does the marriage still serve? I cant deal with some of our naija men though...the thirst is real! That being said, Anyone who stays married to a sexual predator has no standards... contact gbemi.malette@gmail.com for ur spy cams, nanny cams n more.

yao said...

I will hit any man who makes an unwanted physical advance at me, in however fucking form he comes. I'll Hit him hard with a tool...Some men belive 'no' means 'try harder' however, a blunt trauma to head trauma will definately get the message across.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE TAKE A TIME TO READ THIS SWEETIE.I wonder why people don't think it's necessary giving you a more realistic advice,Look sis what am gona say might trill u aswell,but it's the gospel truth.You and your brother have exhibited a really poor manners there,you mostly,You don't become rude to Ur aunts husband,u don't confront him in those manners,asking him to pay u for gas directly or telling him to drop his sis,wow,u got gots.so unAfrican...he has done very shamefully throwing adverses on u,but all u had to do was avoid Being alone with him till u are bold enough to sit him down for a grown up talk on why he needs to stop disturbing u and his marriage Not becoming rude,being rude is suspicious and abnormal,that would draw ur aunts attention,and she can't harbor a threat. My dear Ur aunt will never ever chose u over her home,and right now the deed is been done...am afraid u have to leave for ur father's house at least for a while,and don't try to pay ur aunt back,believe me what she's doing is the only way.just bare with her,it will be over soon,I wish I could talk to u,dnt listen to people telling u crap here aii sweetie

Vacancies in Nigeria said...

Sweetie you need to leave the house asap. God is your strength.

Anonymous said...

leave that house before he rapes you. You can clearly see that your aunty won't do anything about it. And as you know the guy is a creep abeg dont wear shorts in the house and leave his car for him and avoid him at all costs. And respect yourself because you are in his house. he will do what ever he likes and shouting at him isnt doing anything for you. you'll just seem rude and disrespectful and you'll give him what to use an lie against you

Anonymous said...

I don't think she's up to puberty yet...don't grow like this young girl ok,and for the record your mom is not doing a great job on raising you

amazeballs said...

Nicely said!

Anonymous said...

U are an insensitive ignoramus prick

Anonymous said...

U are an insensitive ignoramus prick

Unknown said...

Can someone read it up for me

Mims said...

Igbo people say: obu nwayo ka a ji eli ofe di oku. Its gently that one should eat hot soup. There were more diplomatic ways to handle the issue my dear. And I dont mean letting him violate u in any kind of way. U should have comported urself and told him off. At least he doesnt seem bold like smone who would forcefully do anythn to u. I understand that you are young and peharps u didnt know better but there is no way that ur aunt would choose u over her husband. U should have found time to calmly tell ur aunt what was going on. At least u have ur brother in the house with u. Anyway what has happened has already happened. I would advice u to go on ur knees and thank God. Note that I didnt say pray, I said thank God because this may be His way of delivering you from your Egypt into your promised land. His plans for you are perfect and I can assure u that there is nothing absolutely nothing that would happen to you that He isnt aware of. So calm down. I pray that God gives you His peace this night. Dont worry my dear it will be well cos ur God neither sleeps nor slumbers.

Anonymous said...

Where will she move to? She probably sent this in because she has no where else to go.

Anonymous said...

Your mindset needs to change today. Your comment worry well well

Walata said...

Ahh I feel for u gurl albeit ur aunt's hubby was wrong but u shudnt have insult him in his own house

Anonymous said...

She is just 18! She's reacting naturally to an absurd situation! Geez..

Anonymous said...

wilhemina u're preety stupid, even more stupid dan ur name sounds...u sound like a complete illiterate that just discovered the internet nd is polluting it with lame ass dumb fucked up opinions. hug transformer biko!

Anonymous said...

your aunt is smart

sexual touch - leave the house so as to avoid temptation

non sex touch - leave the house so as to avoid further fight

get acc in school. let ur aunt and ur bro help out. talk to church committee to also help out

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