Dear LIB readers: Do I sit home & have all my kids before going back to work?
From a LIB reader
I am a lawyer who had a baby last year and I have been at home since. I decided to go back to work
since my baby started walking and my husband suggested I stay and have
all my kids, nurse them till they can all start school before going back
to work. The problem with this is as a lawyer new laws, rules and codes
keep coming up and I am scared I won't meet up after like five years at
home. Also, my self esteem is slowly fading away. Please I want advice
from the women. What do I do?
You and u both know as lawyers you cannot just wait and have your kids and go back to work. This profession needs you to be able to juggle both or choose one! Why should he suggest rich? Please don't lope your identity. The process if you becoming a lawyer wasn't an easy task! Hd should respect that
Well..he's ur husband, find a way to convince him otherwise. Going back to work is almost impossible except a higher power intervenes. D rate at which young intelligent folks are flooding d labour market now, i doubt any employee will be interested in someone who took a long brk from work.
Well..he's ur husband, i'd suggest you find a sooting way to convince him otherwise. Going back to work is next to impossible. The rate at which young intelligent folks r flooding the labour market, i doubt any employer will be interested in someone that took an extended break from work.
So madam after spending 5years in uni 9 freaking months in law school and am sure lagos campus# having sleepless night in reading 4 bar finals cracking your brain 4 evil oh sorry cvil litigation! Oh and the money spent you want advice still? Dear even we who are still working find it hard to keep up to date with d law not to talk of staying 5years away from practising! Sha. Do wat u like o me ll just tell u to b working still. Take 4 example our sweet SAN mrs.adekoya she is a moda and a practising lawyer look up to her as your model Biolsamu.blogspot.com
Am sure she didn't study law to be paid for having kids.what happens to fulfilment? My dear u can combine both work n having kids, the only problem is dat its tasking n stressful so let ur hubby understand dat working makes u fulfiled. God help u. Some men tho.
Τ̣̣ђё decision is yours and that of ur husband to make. If he can take care of all τ̣̣ђё bills alone, fine g☺ ahead, stay and have ur kids and if not, look 4 something else like business that will give U̶̲̥̅̊ time if U̶̲̥̅̊ don't want to get bored staying at home.
Dats not a good idea at all! Try en sit ur hubby en talk tins out wit him,if possible involve ur pastor or his parent, buh if he still insist, pls obey him! Gud luk!
5 years from now, it would be much harder to blend back into the corporate world so factor that in ...... Also if not working is affecting ur esteem , I suggest u find a good daycare immediately for ur child and go back to work , even if it is working part time .
Personally I believe every woman should work , two income is better than one .
Time spacing between kids is another factor you gotta consider, can you wait that long? I believe your husband can let you mix family life and work, the contemporary society doesn't give a chance for only family life, you gotta juggle the mix of both. You can work during the time you are spacing your kids, that should be about two years at least.
Please there is nothing wrong with a working mu if you can make the combo and prioritize appropriately and considering that your self esteem is dwindling i advice you head back to what makes you feel like you because quite frankly when you lose yourself everything else starts to go downhill even that marriage because you will never be the person your husband fell inlove with and married. Lastly I wouldn't advice any woman in this age and time to be a stay at home Mum.
You have to do what's best for you. There's no point sitting at home with your self esteem fading, and building resentment towards your husband and child. Men rarely realise the toll pregnancy takes on a woman not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Go back to your life. You'll need to make adjustments for your baby and maybe after a while you'll decide to have more kids. Till then I wish you all the best.
HI THERE. I AM A LAWYER AND A MUM. I AGREE WITH YOU THAT CATCHING UP WILL NOT BE EASY. I WAS ON MATERNITY FOR JUST 4 MONTHS AND I FELT LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER WHEN I RESUMED WORK...HOWEVER I WILL ADVICE YOU TO DO WHAT'S MOST CONVINIENT FOR YOU. ITS NOT EASY RAISING KIDS AND HAVING A CAREER. AS LONG AS YOUR HUSBAND CAN CARE FOR YOU ALL....
Sweetheart, i hope you are a rich wife? simple, get a good creche preferably in a calm part of where you reside ie state of residence.preferably VI and Ikoyi. LOL Drop your babies off after maternity leave usually 16 weeks. nowadays in some creches you can drop off babies as young as 6weeks. Dust your butt and get to work. Thank me in future.
This is not a difficult matter....women r havin kids n going to work ,they giv women maternity leave of 3months afterbirth atmost n u work half day until 6mnths..chevron does dat....its not a serious matter for u to seek public opinion...a wise woman knows ahow to handle such simple matters...
U started seriously and ended up silly.... How dare you behave superior like u know it all? She is confused that's y she needs opinion to weigh her options, only a fool thinks they know all...there is no perfect and all knowing wise woman anywhere so pls next time don't mock anyone who seeks opinion
go back to work!!! if and when the next baby comes you'll cross that bridge!! Do not sit at home like you some baby making machine! its necessary to work for balance and respect!! and in case he fucks up (they always do) you'll be ready
Go back to work woman but please make sure you talk it out with your husband first. just give him reasons why its not a good idea for you to stay home. don't quarrel or nag bout it. make sure you are respectful and choose the best time to approach the issue.
Ask him if he married you for you or so you can have and rear kids. Its possible to have and train good kids and still work. He just may be insecure. Let him know how you feel.
as a lawyer and a young woman who has to face this challenge i think this is something only you can answer. your husband may sound a bit selfish saying this but that means you guys never had this discussion about how to grow your family. there is no right or wrong way about this its based on what you want for your self and what you and your husband can agree is the best way to grow your family. there is no reason for your self esteem to tumble.he didn't force you he simply suggested. i think you should think through what you want to do and then speak to your husband and tell him how you feel and have a heart to heart. we can always advise but you live with him and he is your partner and he is the one you should try and seek advice from. don't forget the beauty about being a lawyer is that you can always be independent. even if not working you can still attend all workshops and conferences and keep up to date with the rules. consider part time employment also. there is really no reason you can't do both. please don't be discouraged you can juggle all balls at the same time if you are strong enough to handle it. good luck
Sowwwweeeeee 4 saying dis! Here is best place 2 get advice 2 U̶̲̥̅̊? I don't thinks so! Call U̶̲̥̅̊r hubby tell him ΨђåƮ you hav in mind make him Ơ̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡ reason wit U̶̲̥̅̊ n stop allowing ppl 2 run U̶̲̥̅̊r home 4 U̶̲̥̅̊, he's U̶̲̥̅̊r husband talk him....♍γ̲̣̣̥ advice am sure U̶̲̥̅̊ knw τ̅Ħ̀ε̅ meaning of privacy!!! A word is enof 4 a wise
Men and their selfish ways sha. Pls I'll advice U̶̲̥̅̊ go back to work coz 5yrs wld b lyk foreva in your field*Law* buh U̶̲̥̅̊ can also merge childbirth n Work instead of staying almost idle for 5yrs.
My dear same thing iam also doing o. My husb suggested I stay home and nurse all the kids. It was so had to accept and would lead to quarell and even malice. Until I decided to accept and lay my terms. Now he gives me monthly pay as what I was receiving from my previous job and a separate house keeping allowance. While I make the best by bonding with my kids, going out with them. Its fun how they share all the funny stuff going on in their lil mind.I also have time for church activities and hanging out with my girlfrends and going on family vacation without thinking of my job. So you can either talk it out with your hubby or make the best of it
Ur brain wud be almost stale after such a long time bt its a sacrifice,its 4 u to decide if it is worth it.law is abt the books, and 4 d procedure in crt,if there is any change u can ask colleagues to put u thru,tho it wudnt be easy or in d quest for leniency, u can attach urself to a friends chambers while havn ur kids,so u can shuttle office work and home stuff,ur hubby shud understand.
Yes you are married but you also are an individual to be considered. You dont sound too happy being at home and raising kids this is okay. Not everyone is meant to be a full time housewife. Iworry about your self esteem, raising kids shoudl be satisfactory to a certain point but it should make you lose your self. Talk to you man and tell him how you feel and your concerns. He may give you some time to do what you love and then with a promise of you getting back to bear more kids for him you may agree. I hope he is not trying to keep you barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen at home, discuss this before its too late, if you self esteem is not what it was you may soon be depressed and may resent your family for it. Find a balance and in this issue, communication is key dear.
Honestly this is a very tough choice to make but I will say personally for me as I am in ur shoes about to have my first baby..... GO BACK TO WORK. Ur child will love you for it and in the end ur hubby will respect you for it. One of the problems I find is that men tend to lose respect for women who stay at home and hhat for me hurts more.... people forget.... they forget u used to be that go getter lawyer and all when u stay home all u become in the end just a stay at home mum. Another piece of advice from me is that well its tough but it is what we have to do as women YOU MUST FIND THE BALANCE yup yup no one can do that for you but you... yellllzzz u must be the working mum, the mummy at home, the wife and the freak between the sheet.... this is what we as women have to do and that balance must come from you and you alone.... nurse ur baby till he/she is older get back to work when the next comes do the same and look at how in the long run u can be self employed in ur field and then u can free some more time for ur fam and kids...... but now u are young make use of that energy u have and that doesn't mean use it all to have ur kids and nurse em...... it maybe too difficult and late to get back into the swing of things...... Hope this helps!
U want to wait for d kids to grow up? That will be like wen they will be teenagers. Most people combine the two..career n motherhood successfully. I bet housewife isn't you since u r complaining about self esteem… look around u, everyday people r called to d bar n they all want to be relevant.so create ur own niche now u r young n ful of zest. Ur inner strenght will see u tru juggling family n career.
Noooo! That will be a lopsided arrangement. You are not the first to go through such in your and successfully balanced things up. Have u considered how u would be like five years down the line? Moreover you are not in marriage just to rear children!
Please make ur hubby undrstnd that we re no longer in d period wen u sit wt kids @ home till they can walk.No one knws tomorrow.U need to get back to work nd support ur hubby in case of rainy days.@ least there re good schs out there if ur baby is upto 6 mnths.
Madam, sit ur hubby down and discuss with him... There shld be a way out
Linda I tire for dis ur diary session, small time people would start asking shld I give birth through normal delivery/ Caesarean section? Shld I have sex with hubby 3X daily or Once a week... Hian
Nna my sister, go back to work jor and take the required breaks in between each kid.
I just had my first baby and I'm currently on maternity leave. While I'm enjoying the break from work and bonding with my baby, I CANNOT imagine being a house wife.
Regardless of how rich your husband is, you do need your own income. It helps with the self esteem you mentioned.
Imagine having to depend on a man for EVERYTHING. Tufiakwa!
Minus the financial aspect, I am one of those people who need a CONSTANT dose of mental challenges. I need to extremely task my brain. I get some sort of high from it..
But you know, I've been thinking of what will happen to my baby once I'm back to work. The thought of a nanny is TERRIFYING! And because she's too young to go to a creche already, the only logical option I have thought up is starting my own business...and I don't mean opening a boutique or shop to sell baby clothes (no disrespect to those who do).
Think of something you can do on your own that is related to your profession....something that'll give you money and also enable you control your time....goodluck :)
How rich is your husband? Can he comfortably provide your needs and that of the kids without complaining? Go back to work my dear,women no longer quit jobs to have kids okay? Speak to your husband and let him see reasons as to why you can't waste your years@ home just to have kids...Get a help,it could be a relative or just someone that you can pay monthly to help you out @home...Like i said hun,go back to work,if your husband truelly loves you,he'd respect and support what makes you happy
let him stay at home whil u go to work. at least uve nursed ur baby for one year. now it is his turn let him stay wiht the baby for another year. thn by the thrid year you will put to bed and stay wht the baby for anothe year whihel he too will do same for the uper year and so on and so forth
I think u shd try to explain ur fears to ur husband. For sum1 who has worked b4 i don't think it will b easy to stop or 'pause' working. Besides,is ur job gonna wait 4 u too? IMO, u shd kip working as dat will mk u a lil independent of ur hussy. Also,it will help u space ur children well. If u stay @ home till u're done giving birth,i dnt think u'd space dem well cos u'll just want to finish n go back to work. It'll b lyk u're on child-bearing contract. Rememba to tok amicably wit ur husband. Gudluck!
I personally think its not a good idea to do so. Its not even about work, but how can u handle like 3 or 4 bambinis at the same time wif just a year apart, eww, its gonna be mad and too much work. I think space the kids out men, like 3 years. That way, the older ones can already listen to instruction and give u peace of mind.
Instead of changing bottles, diapers and breastfeeding all at the same damn time. Too much stress and pls dont say nanny would help cus u cant rely on them and fam would only help2 a certain extent and ur hubby would be at work, so at the end of the day, u r alone in this, u do not wanna end up with depression do u, i say go back to work and space the kids age.
Why should you come for advice on a social media? This is personal as such should be kept within your home. If you take advice from here and it turns out bad will the readers face it with you? And also deep in your heart, you already know what you want so....
Jacqueline ple like u are an irritation to society ... So do you now know who dis person is? So how is she exposing her family to the social media??? Even if she has decided, hearing other point of views can help her weigh her options properly... Personal my foot, as if you know her name and face mscheeew
In life u have 2 strike a balance in all u do. U can't stay @ home since u d condition of ur work. Talk 2 ur husband nd try 2 have equal time 4 work nd family, dnt let ur home suffer cus of work dats ma advice 4 u. Nd secondly u shld read works watch gd movie nd a lot on style 2 build brc on Esteem cus ur carisma is ur beauty.
My sister go back to work if it will make u happy...that is why u are a woman...we marry, av kids and av successful careers..it is called multitasking...u can do it dear..
My friend go and work! Ur nt d first woman to get married and hv a baby, many of us r shuttling both. Dnt ask us, cus u will still do wat ur husband says, besides it shld hv been something u two discussed before marriage. Questions like dis get on my nerves! Mschewwww
I understand how u feel.I have two kids and they have both started school,so am looking for a job now.but it wasn,t easy at all staying home.I used to be miserable,but u have to keep urself occupied with sometins so u don't feel so bad.I want one more child but I don't tink I can stay home anymore or I will run crazy.although everyone is saying I shld have d last baby and then look for a job,but I don't tink so.u can't trust maids these days,so its safer taking care of d baby till he starts school.it will be hard but its for d good of ur family unless ur mum can come take care of d baby.God is ur strength okay.
U need prayers o my sister,hw on earth will ur hubby say u shouldn't work,please u need psalm 91 seriously to move ur life.if u demand much he go start to give attitude and tell u that is all I can afford.
My DEAR u can work and stil have ur kids, I went tru dat and its not been easy, havnt been able to get any job since 2yrs afta my last child. Talk to ur husb and make him undastand u can cope wit work and family
Bringing up ones kid is a beautiful thing, but that does have to make u quite ur job. U will be able to balance both. All you need to is do the job that allows you time to go home to your kids. Don't take up assignment that will take you out of town for weeks. The truth is staying home does not make one a good mother, but the impact you make on them the little time ou spend with them. Good luck. By the way l have kids too. I leave home at 10am after bathing, feeding and putting things in place, l close at 5pm and get home at 6 that gives me ample time to make dinner, play with them, feed, bath, put them to sleep and have time for myself and my hubby.
Hmmmm! What struck my mind was the word " SELF ESTEEM". With all sincerity and modesty I must plead that you speak n plead with your husband again to see reasons with you why u need to go back to WORK. Having children and raising a home is not all....... Secondly, even if ur husband's financial muscle is strong,is still not all about money. I advise you joggle your career with your home front if u have the will power....which I think u can as I can feel the pulse of the tone your letter. Best of luck!!! I KNOW U CAN.
pls if u can persuade him go back to work ooohh . dis is not a long story ansa der r times u wanna do stufs 4 ur sef witout askin ur husband 4 everytin, also after 5yrs work mite not b dsame as it used 2 b nd u mite not cope nd trust me u wud resign ursef . in d end na housewife u go b .
I suggest he stays home half the time too to play his part. Who be fool? Trust me u'd neva catch up in five years. Its like repeating a class five times. Other unmarried LIB readers shuld take a que and discuss these terms before u walk down d long aisle of marriage.
if that is what will bring your marriage peace, pls do. but u dont v to loose ur value.Having kids and being priviledged to take care of them is great joy,so do all u v to do wt joy.
u dnt need people comn her to tell u what u n ur husband shud talk about. go to God in prayers and like a wise woman that u are,tell ur husband hw much what u thnk is good for u( returning to wrk) means to you, he shud understand u. cheers
From your mail, it's obvious you already know what to do my sister. Get back to work! You don't have to wait and loss touch with reality. You are suppose to space your children so if you plan to have 3 you will probably be home for minimum 6 years. Ok now. Take your tongue count your teeth o. Ehhn!
this is something u shd hv discussed wit ur husband wen u guys were still courting! you're his wife and shd submit to him...if he wants u to stay home till u'v raised all ur kids,u hv to do so,on the other hand, u can gv him a better option on how u cn run both taking care of ur kids and working at the same time...pray before you do! good luck...ZODIAC
It all depends on the no of children you intend having. Five years is a whole lot of time to stay back home doing nothing. That is what I did too. But in my own case, I only had two kids. But its always ok when you don't have to worry about child bearing again and all you have to do is to just focus on raising them and your career. So my advice is that you go back to work if you're gonna have more than two kids. www.it-wab.com
I'll suggest you talk calmly with your husband n make him see reasons with you returning to work asap. God forbid he goes broke for a lil while, you might be of help to him. You can't just stay at home doing nothing but staying with d kids except u have a business sha. Pls get back to work asap n make arrangements to take care of your kids while your away. Miss Oyin
Men are so selfish nd self centerd,dey dnt want to see dier wife progress,dey want to turn us to nanny while they live like oba!pls my dear sis go to work nd let ur baby start a gud day care befo u go turn to his maid for huse.
Commit to continuous learning. 1.The internet is there for you daily 2.You have friends in the field working, connect with them & stay connected. 3. Get Professional Certification 4. Exercise alot, meditate. 5. Love your kids & husband cos there is more to life than career. Family is one gift only God gives.Money cant buy you that. 6. Volunteer for a worthy cause- Volunteer Aid & other NGO's. 7. Mingle with other women e.g Awesome Treasures Meeting. 8. Imagine your ultimate goal in life, imagine what you would like to do if you had all the money in the world, start living it in your mind, write it down. 9. IMAGINE yourself in your new office & career daily(practice before the mirror & your kids). 10. KEEP YOUR MIND WITH ALL DELIGENCE 4 YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT & LOOOVE YOUR FAMILY SILLY!!!
I think u should think properly n do what's best for u n ur family, pple myt give diff n confusing advices which myt make things worse. Talk it over with ur husband.explain how u feel to him
You don't need a traditional to be fulfilled. You can look for part time work or start building your profile as a corporate lawyer on a consultancy basis. You can mentor online to stay relevant and attend trainings when you can. If you'd like to talk more feel free to email me at info@insitefulsolutionsconsult.com or follow me on twitter: @nikkytheminx
Like seriously?!!! Wats wrong with working n having babies @same time? Huh??! †ђξ women doing it, sebi they ve two heads ni? Pls darling, dont bring urself down. I mean, imagine, u already feeling low. If u put a hold on ur career, u'll hate uurseelf, ur husband, ur kids n den u'll Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡ ur marriage falling apart. Seeat. Ur hussband down n tell him u want to G☺̣̣̥̇ back to worrk and dat u can hanndle motherhood n ur career. Ook, if na so, him sef shud pausee working sef! Soori to say o, but its either he senseless or delibrately beinng icked. Abi ya husband na sparre parts dealer wen dey fear ur goals?#GAIL#
Pls I advice you to Go back to work and take a career break whenever the other babies come
Or Stay at home but keep developing yourself by enrolling in an online MBA or courses relevant to your career. You could also do volunteer work that will not take up a lot of your time while you are home with the kids.
You should be giving this exact speech to your husband.. If its something you guys can work out.. why not? I am a female lawyer so I can identify with you.. Lawyers always feel the need to be needed in the corporate sphere..
Don't seek for advice on how to run your home from places like this, otherwise you would get advice from devil and your home would be doomed. seek the face of God. Also know that Family happiness is far more than job satisfaction!
My dear listen to ur husband nd do as he said since he is d one dat came up wit it bcos he is d head of d farmily, for ur wk God will always see u trow nd will help u out remember there is nothing d lord can not do.
If you decide to stay home for maybe 5 years before going back to work, your self esteem will just vanish...and that job'll become history. Start work now that your baby can walk. If you decide to wait, na you sabi. Your hubby, sorry to say is just insecure.
There's nothing as beautiful and rewarding as taking time to raise ur kids. My questions are: will ur hubby be financially generous to you? Considering u were earning ur own money before. Second,how sure are u that it won't take more than 5yrs for u to stay at home? You cld learn some skills while at home to boost ur self esteem.
as a lawyer as well with kids, staying at home wasnt easy, but you can stay at home and still keep up with current ongoings, may be you can take up small jobs from home
Good afternoon Linda, The advise that I can give you is to ensure that you read books regularly in relations to Law. Thanks to Google it easy to retrieve new information about Law. Keep on reading and do research, learn how to manage your time with the kids put some time aside for studying. Communication with you ex class mates and join a law forum where you can chat to people working in law or studying Law. And finally voluntary work or paid employment for 1 or 2 days will be good for you. You need a break away from the motherly experience and going into work, will make you feel good about yourself. Although you love your child it can be depressing if your at home constantly looking after the kids. Strike a balance hopefully your husband will be an understanding man and not just thinking of his career. Unfortunately these experiences can cause conflict between couples . Be strong and pray.
Darling do that and watch your life pass you by. You will start feeling old and looking old in no time. You can have kids and work at the same time. You wont be the first woman to do it and you surely wont be the last. You can get a maid if you need to.
Same husband that is telling you to have all your kids will be the one to complain about your look and you turning to an old hag.
Look for the best time to talk to him about it and like you said yourself, you have low self esteem already and your profession is not the type you can stay away from for five years and not practice. All the best.
Go to work joh wetin,many women hv bn juggling career n raising kids so u also can do u want to stay at home and be getting fat? With time ull start lookin scattered
i think you should work most men always prefer their wives to stay at home which i think is not fair, but if you don't want to disobey him stay and have all the kids you want
Sorry Ma'am, I don't know if anyone here is able to give you advice. Reasons being:
1. We don't know about your marriage or live in your home to know what you and you husband discusses on how to run your lives.
2. If your husband says stay home and start a family, I'm sorry but that is the final stay unless you want to outsource your wifely roles to another woman.
3. I don't mean to sound harsh but that is my opinion and I'm sure your husband means well. U can try talking to him first as LIB don't hold any stakes in your marriage.
You will be fine and u can go back to study after kids. Be safe!
Madam sorry 2 say ur husband is just so selfish, if U̶̲̥̅̊ stay at home for 5 years just forget it, as a lawyer you can't catch up. There are lots of career women out there and they're managing their home front well all you need do is plan your time well.
i am a guy and i will sincerely advice u to keep on with ur work no matter how little just to stay abreast with issues. people have kids while working. ur carrier is equally important. even if ur hubby has all the funds to support u.
if you have people that can help you at home with the kids, i'll advice that you continue with your job. once you break off, going back to work is difficult.
Thts the opp of saying quit ur job! Imagine after a 5yr gap of wrking who will want to employ you? Who will want to employ a dormant worker.?
Am a lawyer too n am meant to travel upcountry to wrk there for the gov(am not nigerian), the job offer came shortly after i got married las yr dec, come feb i ws ofered to wrk for the gov, after yrs of wrkng in the private sector, toiling myself like a donkey, wth no plenty bonuses as much as one gets in the gov, i thot ths is it i shld just relocate upcountry while i make steps to ask to be transfered bak to the city i live wth my hubby. I told my hubby abt it, n he said no i sholdnt move! I swear tht was the biggest blow in my life! i told him, am doing it for the sake of the two of us n my family too,tht he shld let me go whileam there i will make a request frm the ministry cincerned to relocate me, aftrr all gov jobs r much more secured n last a life time! It ws a tough one week for us, untillwen he just came to my terms n agreed! I ws the hapiest woman!
I tgink men like to play wth our minds! Emotions n progress! Mayb just to make us stay stagnant n not progress wth achvng a good life thts upto standards! At the end of the day after baring say 5 kids for him, wth no job, no savings in ur bank acount u will have to stick up wth all tge headaches n heartbreaks, heartattacks, bllod pressure n torture tht a husband will have to give a wife! Simply bcoz one has no where to go, n establish her life afresh wth her kids, bt to depend on ur hubby on food, shelter n clothing.
Ur a lawyer, think like one, act like one! Be smart, lawyers r smart, n alwys think outside the box, we tend to have answers for both kinds of examinations be it answers fr the defence or plaintif! Ur going to get free off charge opinions in here today, so be smart engh to wrk on the best wrld class opinion u will get!Goodluck hon
I'm a mother of a 7 month old baby and another one is on the way. It's very hard combining work with child care, even with the help of a maid. I suggest u set your priorities straight; which is more important? Your career or your family. Trust me, it's not easy at all.
This is the same thing my dad told my mum. But now she is a senior officer in a govt parastater. I am d first. She started working when I was in secondary school. My dear marriage is all about sacrifice. If u don't listen to them now trouble. Make him understand. If he doesn't don't stay idle at home. Do a business that will not take u faraway 4rmur family. That's my candid advise. If u don't do anything bordom will finish u........
As a fellow young female lawyer though unmarried my advice to you is this: talk 2 ur husband, tell him ur fears and exactly how u feel. With his support, u can get a firm on a part time basis. Let them know that the money is not that important to you, but ur more interested in gaining the experience/knoweledge. If he loves youu he will understand and support you. Being idle for 5 years won't favour you @ all, cos by the time u get back 2 d labour market u'll be stale and a lot of ur mates will be ahead of you. Am of the school of thought that you can be a good mum and still work. (Am not saying it's easy) but it's possible. All the best dear. OBY
My dear,get your baby into a good crèche and get back to work. I had my two children while working and even did my masters program in between. A woman should work and earn her pay irrespective of who her husband is. Life has no guarantees,and staying at home could result in more unwanted pregnancies. You can do all,just put a balance in it. God will help you.
Go back to work dear, you don't need to have all your childern before looking for a job..unless your husband will be paying you what the coy pays u Then u can sit at home www.ameriestyle.com
Dear,don't mind ur husband that's hw men are this days very selfish. Having babies doesn't stop u frm working dnt be surprised that after u might have all ur babies u will be put off frm working or he might come up with unreaasonable issue again.
Indeed you will have a low self esteem if you depend solely on your husband educated or not.Most working mother's acknowledge with regret the opportunity lost by not being around their kids as much as they would want to.Law is a profession and that means that you can watch them through their formative years(0-10),possibly board them at the secondary level and then kick start your career.Be careful not to have too many kids so that you have a shorter time to achieve this.Of course you will have to start all over but its a sacrifice worth taking for the bible says"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he grows he will not depart from it".In the mean time,get busy;start a biz or b a part time consultant,learn a skill or a craft.*kisses*
My dear do wat pleases U̶̲̥̅̊ ,who says U̶̲̥̅̊ cnt work n av babies?there re gud nannies,creches etc buh no one can take care of ur babies like U̶̲̥̅̊ !am a housewife 4nao too n av bin so 4 7yrs nao,I av 3kids aswel and tank goodness my baby wil be 2 in september and wil be starting skul,I must confess its not bin easy buh its fulfilling,so darling if U̶̲̥̅̊ can pls do but if U̶̲̥̅̊ can't abeg don't cos ur kids n hubby won't be comfortable wit an unhappy n grumpy housewife!cheerz n gudluck...juu!
I don't see any big-deal in your situation. It's for you to make your husband see reason(s) with you. Who says female Lawyers can not practice and have babies?
My dear, you can raise your kids and work at the same time. I did same. It is important for women to work and be independent. Even if your husband is the richest man in the world, he will still respect you if you have some kind of independence. Besides, no one knows tomorrow. It is good to work and remain up to date in one's field, cos if the bread winner is no longer there, you have got to fill his shoes.
Do d right thing nd go back to work I have 2 kids nd only nursed them for 3 months before I resumed.though I hv d help of my mother. U better not let a man take ur pride away from u. Well except u married to extremely rich fellow. Who u re certain will not get irriated along d line
Hello madam, am not a woman but if you won'd mind, i will suggest you stay at home and finish having your children before going back to work full time. Firstly, as a woman, you have limited time for this BIZ( child bearing). Secondly, you can work from home depending on the work load you handle and still be updated with work updates on laws,codes and etc. Thirdly and most importantly, you get to BOND with the children before they start growing. You also set the foundation for them. Work will always be there but the kids? I beg you in God's name, do the right thing.God will see you through,it is well, GOODLUCK. Daniel from ikeja.
Hello madam, am not a woman but if you won'd mind, i will suggest you stay at home and finish having your children before going back to work full time. Firstly, as a woman, you have limited time for this BIZ( child bearing). Secondly, you can work from home depending on the work load you handle and still be updated with work updates on laws,codes and etc. Thirdly and most importantly, you get to BOND with the children before they start growing. You also set the foundation for them. Work will always be there but the kids? I beg you in God's name, do the right thing.God will see you through,it is well, GOODLUCK. Daniel from ikeja.
My dear ur husband is trying to kill ur career indirectly. He hates ur job and wouldn't come out plain wit u, but d truth still remains d same family first b4 anytin, but if there is any way u can convince ur hubby to let u handle tins ur way and assure him dat his kids will get all d attention and love dey nid frm their mum even wit u still holding on to ur career jst do it. Wish u d best of luck!
So will he stay at home and nurse the kids with u??? Rubbish. Anyway sha for the sake of peace in ur home, listen to ur husby and at d same time be considering a career change cos u will def not be able to keep up with d changes in d legal system. Shikena!
I have a lawyer friend that just resumed back to work after nursing her 2nd baby for 6mths,she has her own chambers thou. Get a nanny,if possible an elderly one who will help you in taking care of the children n help round the house. My advice dearie,you don't have to stay at home n have kids at once,have ur kids,work n ask for the grace of God combined with the help of the Holy spirit. Its well
At home you can do consultancy, also hold briefs maybe even earn some income by running a home business, catering or otherwise where you can supervise the cooking and do take away. You can ask friends to supply you with products while you make a profit off that.
It's a pity that during your courtship you were busy talking about how much you love each and how you can't do without each other instead of how you plan to have babies n your job and important things that makes any marriage work. It's too late now, you must obey your husband so enjoy!
please do not even try it. if you do, you will end being a full time house wife as your husband will always bring up other reasons for you to remain at home.
My dear, it depends on if you can handle taking care of the kids and working... Sitting at home idle is not the best. If it takes 5 years to have all your children, will you be home all the While?
Some men suggest this for their own selfish reasons, others out of genuine concern....
Are u kidding me? Its either u want 2 become a full tyme house wife or..... Please u can go back 2work & still hv ur kids & take care of dem. Dere are millions of working class mum's & dere families are still intact. U should kn hw well 2 manage work & family if actually u hv passion 4 ur job. 5yrs isn't 5 days maaam & trust me u mite even exceed 5yrs considering family planning & hw many kids u wanna have. plz tink abt it & discuss with ur hubby. personally its going 2b boring. Do wat makes u happy
I am seriously laughing at all those suggesting she stay at home and do "consultancy", small business and shit like that! Sweetheart, you need to wake up and go to work. Years from now you will look back and regret being a stay at home mum. I understand the benefits of staying home with your kids but going to work far outweighs being a stay at home mum.
My dear I believe you know the answer to your question. Go back to work. You can work and still have children. The more you stay off work, the backward you become. we all resprect our partners but as a woman, we are the most vunerable sex, therefore try to have a mind of your own. Discuss your intension with your husband in a reasonable way and if he really respects you and your career, he will consider your plea.
My sister pls go back 2 wk put ur baby in a gd crench or get a nanny jut wk somtin out I had a baby last year she is a year n 4months old nw n I am back 2 square 1 as in loking 4 a job pls if u can go bak I suggest u do jut space d kids at lest 3yrs n 2yrs
Dear woman,In my own opinion,I suggest you work,and train ur children as well..you are a woman,and God has given us the gift of handling multiple tasks at once...ur job and child bearing,are 2 crucial parts of ur life.you don't have to stop 1 to be able to do the other..you can run both tasks simultaneously and perfectly..afterall,the heart doesn't stop beating cos the liver,kidney,or pancreas is functioning.they all function simultaneously.God forbid it,what if after 5 years,your husband passes away??..what will happen??..you will live on his wealth??...besides,law is a professional course,and the number of years you spend in practice matters.Y cut it down??...5 years is a lot of time,and so much can happen within this space of time...Nevertheless,DON't let this cause problems between you and your husband....if u try convincing him to let u continue with your work,while you bear children as well,and he refuses,then obey him,he is your husband,and you are meant to be submissive to him(be careful,situations like this often end peoples marriages.pray about it,and follow your heart)..And before I end dis message,I will like you to know of a couple(that I am familiar with) that are separated now,because the husband wanted the wife to be a full time house wife when they Got married initially,and she accepted.Now things are rough for the man,and he is blaming the woman for being idle,and therefore,they separated.I leave you in God's hands.Pray and have faith.God solves ALL PROBLEMS!!!linda,postukwaa my comment
Please go back to work. m̶̲̥̅̊Ɣ mum had 7 of us and is a working mother. We share our bond with her and grew up good. Staying at home will make you unhappy if you are the career oriented type. But if not, you can stay at home and take care of your kids.
My dear u re a woman nd ofcos u knw hw it is 2 give birth, u can't give birth 2 all your children in 5years u need more strength nd space nd u can't sit ideal @ home, so dear u ve 2 go back 2 work nd let ur husband understand dat u re a lawyer nd nt a housewife. God is ur strength.
In my own opinion, I think this issue shud had been discussed during ur courtship/dating properly before the marriage. But then both of you can still come to the round table and discuss it. Perhaps, if you can convince him, he might allow you to resume back to work. Segun 4m Sango Ota.
Hi dear. I have been there and I promise you, it is the best thing to do. I am a lady engineer and I had to leave work through the childbearing years. Now my children are all graduates and I can't but be thankful to God for that decision. I promise you, you won't regret it. Just keep reading and developing yourself while at home. Motherhood is by far the best profession that gives eternal rewards...
My LO is 6months and am considering goin bak to work coz its damn boring to stay @ home...My husband wnt me to get a job coz he undastnds hw boring it is to stay @ home, even my lil one needs to meet n interact wit new pple(age _wise) pls go bak to wrk coz u ve ur own career o.
My dear, i speak to you with a lotof love. i have been in your shoes, and right now i am struggling to get a job. My husband kept complaining about my work hours all the time, i resigned my bank job and i stayedhome had 4 kids - 7 years later i still cant find a good job, my colleagues who i started my career with re all managers atleast, some of my surbordinates are even Mds of coys. i suffer alow self esteem. I am backward on all levels. And to make matters worst my husband's business is not doing well, the kids have styed home for almost two terms because we cant afford fees. we have relocated to the surbubs of lagos from Ikoyi because we can no longer afford the rent. I am full of regrets, i cant give my kids the best they deserve. if only i had kept my job- things will be different. My advice if u want something that will give u time, start itfirst before u quit work. All the best. regards Delphin
But you guys must have discussed this before you got married, nau? and why can't you do both? I mean, have your children and still keep a job?
This is the problem with most Nigerian women. They dive head first into marriage so fast, that they just agree to everything without voicing their own opinion. Then later, when they realise, the complaints come. Though must times the guys lie that they are okay with their wives working, then once they are married, the talk go change.
My mum was a working woman (still is BTW), when she had my brothers and I. My dad, being the amazing man that he is, supported her all the way. She respected him as the man of house, and though she was busy most of the time, she still made sure she was there for us all any time, any day, and we all turned out great.
How many children do you plan to have? four? five? and then add that to waiting for them to get into school...Honey, at that age, how easy would it be to get a job? talk more of being in tune with the changes happening rapidly with the work environment.
Fact is, your husband wants you to be a stay at home wife/mum. This isn't bad at all, if you're okay with it. But since you're not, perhaps, you should talk to your man, albeit, calmly about your situation. Tell him how it's affecting your self-esteem.
PLEASE GO BACK TO WORK IF U LOVE YOURSELF. YOU KNOW WHY? THAT IS BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND MAY LOSE HIS JOB ONE DAY(GOD FORBID) AND WAT HAPPENS? THINK TWICE MY DEAR LAWYER FRIEND. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
they bring everythin to LIB..cant people have a mind of thier own and consult professionals rather than a bunch of faceless people?My dear Wisdom is the principal tjhing..there is no right or wrong,good or bad....check what works for you and apply it.You can combine work and home and you can also stay at home without your hubby disrespecting you..it all depends on your current circumstance...Gods grace
Am a woman and is telling you to go back to work do not stay at home if not you would regret it and trust me your self esteem would vanish. Bearing kids is a wonderful thing and I have two. So please go back to work. Men change don't ever forget that
Uhm I want to believe your husband met you while you were working in which case I will say, girl you should better ignore your selfish husband and go back to work.He's trying to kill your career. are there no working mothers in your profession? even if he has a lot of money, don't give up your profession, in the coming years, it will be your source of pride. Moreover, if anything should happen to him let's say he had an accident and died,what would you do? Women better watch out for the type of guys you marry, Country men, if you know say you no wan marry woman wey go school or dey work, no marry am, no try to stop anyone destiny.
The obvious is to say it depends on your priorities. The disadvantage of staying away from work for extended periods of time, isn't only that code of practice, legalisation etc may change. These can always be re-learnt, the bigger issue is that you may become irrelevant, the credibility that you've built up with peers, in your firm, with clients will dissipate and this is much harder to regain, particularly as there are many others capable of taking your place. Some other people have already suggested nannies, finding a crèche etc, if you can afford it, you should definitely look into these options. As one woman to another, I'd also like to mention (and I don't mean to be condescending) that your identity and potential extends far beyond your ability to bear and look after children. This is only one part of your identity; an identity which is yours, not your husband's to decide. Marriage should enable you to reach your full potential, not shrink it and make you smaller! So I’d say, go back to work, full or part time, continue to build your career and get the support you need at home to look after your family. Good luck! My office is littered with older women who sacrificed their careers for their families; they aren’t happy. Some of the most successful and happy women I know are the ones who decided, and did have it all. If your career is very important to you, let your husband know. If he loves and respects you and all you stand for, he won’t want to derail a very important part of your life, and you should both be able to find a solution that allows you to map out a solution, which allows you BOTH to pursue your careers while raising a young family.
Truthfully, sit down and clear things with ur hubby. If he can provide comfortably for family and will support u when u r ready to work, then stay at home, or if so difficult for u, do a less challenging/demanding job or consultancy. It is very important u bond with ur kids and give them the right foundation eg, values, fear of God. Wen they advance in school they will make u a proud mum and u will be glad u were home with them. Just keep on reading.
My dear your husband is selfish enough to turn you into a full time house wife,pls don't deceive yourself!Except you are a baby breeding machine,there's no way you will have all your kids in 5 years,I work at a bank & most of the aggressive marketers are married with 2 or more kids.You can work & have your kids comfortably abeg,your husband just wants you to be dependent on him!I wish my mother can lecture you on this, she had 8 of us & she recently retired.
Linda, am really sorry to say this, but I realised today that half of your readers are quite shallow people.
First, you must understand today that Motherhood is a Higer calling. whether this woman's husband is asking her out of selfishness or not, nothing can make up for the sacrifice a mother makes for her children at this early age.
Career can always be picked up later especially with upgrading urself educational wise, tnk God for the world is now a global village but nothing can give back those years you missed watching ur children grow under YOUR OWN supervision.
The society is filled with too many uncultured, irresponsible, shallow, ill mannered children/youth/ adults today cos thier foundation was rotten as a result of the absence of both parents.
Please, dear think wisely, God expects you to be. what exactly is ur vision for ur family? Allow God lead you. You can still find fulfilment working from home for now & caring for ur kids. Find a way.
these children r ur future, if u want peace when u grow old, u better stay with them at ds early age.
Remember, however our kids turn out at the end, we answer to the ONE who put them in our custody...God. and the fear of Him is the beginning of wisdom.
Changing the world starts with our immediate family. The Lord is your strength.
U didt post my comment Linda ikeji!!!!!! That's y I HATE reading and commenting on ur blog!!!!!!! Wasted energy. I'm done here. Mschewww. If u like post, at least u hv digested it!
Nice one. The greatest career anyone can boast of is a successful family. If you are pursuing a career in law,medicine,engineering,accountancy,digging into businesses,traveling for shows,musicians and actors inclusive,I don't see anything in these professions I mentioned as great if you don't have a full filed family. Your husband probably want the best for the family you never know.
My dear u can be workn n still hav ur kids. Am a mother of 3, 34yrs of age. My 1st Child is 6yrs and my last child wil be 2yrs in sept. I wok in a bank, I have a nanny and I bond well wit ma kids. I personally inspect dia homewok daily. Just follow ur hrt, don't let ur hubby influence u selfishly. But also rember dat family is alwaz 1st. But u can combine the two excellently. Cheers Amara.
its not hw much he can provide for u or the family. its more about you as a person. the need to be happy and develop and challenge yourself and still have the joy of motherhood. evn after the kids r born n have started school, more attention needs to be paid on what they do especially i this very corupt age... evn kids know wat murder is. wats d point of being a bitter woman, wife and mother without any self esteem, always wishing u had sumthing more in ur life... my dear think well....the answer u seek is staring at u in d face.
We've gotten very selfish cos of what we've seen happen to women who took care of kids and let careers slide.Find a balance dear work n care for ur babies.
an American once said to me, and i quote "Nigerian women are very beautiful and desirable and smart. recognizable anywhere in d world. but they are quick to lose themselves and all they should be in life." i can never 4get that day. a frnd of mine is divorcing his co-law school wife bcos after law school, they got married, she stopped work, had a kid and does mad shopping and traveling while he goes 2 work and meets smart, intelligent, uglier than his wife women that evn the rich and old listen to them... EVENTUALLY, u will wish u did more wen u cld.... i learnt from my mother
madam,me personally cannot stay without working oh. so i suggest u get sometin doing certainly what will not take your time at all so u can have enough time for ur family. wisdom is profitable to direct oh.pls when u want to discuss with your husband make sure u are humble abt it.i wish you well and stay blessed.
Hi dear,pls pray and have a nother discussion with your hubby and am sure God will touch him because its not an easy road i must say unless he was born into wealth then you can open ur own chambers or a consulting firm or any other enterprise where your interest lies. i married when i was unemployed but as God will have it, i got a job within a year of marriage and as @ then he takes care of all my needs but 3yrs down the lane,am now d 'breadwinner'and i believe things will soon turn out for good for him but picture the scenario of both of you out of job and with little ones to fend for??? i pray that the wisdom of God will rest on u and ur household ijn.
Its annoying when others want to Lord their decisions to housewives over others using the guilt trip, etc
That said, Please dear woman, go back to work if you still have one waiting...
I did same with 2 children and believe me I regretted it, couldn't get a job for 5 yrs...now i do have one, and I can't tell you it has been easy but there is some extra strength that God grants us women and if you scratch the surface a little, you will find its there.
As for your husband, try to get him to agree with your going back to work and have a plan to juggle your responsibilities and know when to be 100% of each when it matters. Believe me, you will make some sacrifice and mistakes but you will definitely be better for them.
May God help you to find strength to make the right decision for you, Amen!
Your self esteem is fading away because you were told to care for your child? Can you tell your kids in future that you lost your self esteem caring for them? Who told you that becoming a successful lawyer will guarantee inner joy and fulfillment in future? The only reason women should be away from home/ work is to increase their chances of caring for their families in the event of loss of husband/ his job. What does it profit you to amass all the wealth only for your child to be a ‘terrorist’ on the street of London? The pride/esteem of a mother is in her caring for her family. There is no job that can compare to the joy of being there for your kids (and not giving up your role to a nanny).
I am from a family of 6, and my mum raised us well and she was going to work too, but she was a God fearing christian, that was how she was able to overcome both, put it in prayer and you will see it through and I am a guy.
TO D ANONYMOUS STAY AT HOME MUM.....Plz u are entitled to ur opinion & u dont hv 2 call people shallow cuz dey hv a diff view 4rm urs. D trends & times hv changed. One can still be a succesful career woman, excellent wife & loving mum. Its takes wisdom 2 merge all dese & at dsame time, its very possible. Staying at home dsnt go dwn well with every one. If it worked 4 u, it just mite not work 4 another. Trust me its Boring..
It's funny how people think a stay at home mom or like Nigerians would call it "full time house wife " involves cleaning cooking laundrying and doing housework from morning to night. Times have changed, stay at home moms don't stay at home doing all that. I am a stay a fabulous stay at home mom who shops, travels, and do anything I want. Ain't nobody got time for cleaning and cooking and all. Men are more respectful this days, and times have changed. For the fact he is bringing home the money does not mean he has power over you. Also, you and your spouse need to plan for the rainy days. Save save save. To each their own.
I'm a young mother and lawyer living in Lagos and I feel your pain. My advice is start with a small-medium level law firm during the years of child bearing and nursing, and then move on to a faster paced organization. If you leave work for the period ur husband suggests, I'm afraid u may never catch on. You'll probably loose the motivation!!! Hope this helps.
please, my candid advice as a wife,career woman & mother,please go back to work,if he is giving you all the millions you will be in obscurity.all he is saying is simply cos of his selfish reason so he can cut U off.pls kindly work n run ur home as well.it is an herculean task but you will be respected & appreciated.
For the anonymous stay at home happy and fulfilled mum, i totally disagree with you. i have friends whose mothers worked since they were born and they all turned out right. my mum is a house wife, she also quit her job to have all her kids and nurture us cos my dad advised her to. when we were all of age, it was very difficult for her to get a job having spent all those years at home. Yes she loves us all dearly and she does not regret taking care of us, but i know there are sometimes she wishes she did not quit her job.
You have to be open, at the end of the day if this is what you want to do (go back to work now) you have to convince him the idea is a good one. present to him the financial reasons why it makes sense and explain how for the sake of your self esteem it will be good for both of you, there is no point having a partner who is unhappy that just throws the balance of the relationship off. Think about all of these things then present it to him like it were a job presentation, he cant refuse a good presentation. Once you have him on your side then you can work on the inlaws and parents who are often the ones pushing more than the husband. Good luck and remember a good marriage is not about loosing yourself whilst making everyone else happy eventually the cracks to that start to show in resentment and acting out, whichever way that may be. A note to woman and men, let the person you intend on marrying know how you feel before you marry, how many kids, will you stay at home, what will you be opened to. Things can change of course but don't compromise everything about you for what your feeling at the time you say 'I DO'
It can bring abuse and disrespect in if u are a housewife, pray to God and find a good nanny who can help, you are a lawyer and you need to be praticing, he will admire you more that you can juggle both things well. I am a doctor and the thought of me wasting all my college years to sit at home scared the hell out of me, I have 3 kids, working , a nanny and a cleaner, my children are living the best life that I and my husband can afford. What if your husband dies( God forbid) can you stand on your two feet. Please help yourself.Read Proverbs 31, that woman was successful.I wish you the best.
sometimes its not about money as some people think, if you wish to develop a career, then its not a good idea to stay at home for like five years before getting a job. Things change and you cannot compete favourably with a fresh graduate who has the age advantage and possibly more informed. Motherhood is a worthy career though, if you are ok with it, please go ahead, all the best
I will suggest you go back to work in between having your kids, u never know, you can just become a long term decoration in your matrimonial home where you would have to depend on your husband for every damn thing. Also, having an aside business can be good, maybe your own law chambers to keep you updated on new laws and stuff.
Another of the many scenarios women lawyers face. i have a lot of them as friends and i used to tell them while we were in law school that they may have to face that option. shes not alone in it, the dictum is that "if you leave law, law will leave u" . she has to decide and make a full swoop at it. family or career. truth is eitherway, none is totally bad. my advise, you cater for your family and do Pp (Personal Practice on the side).
this is not abt monthly salaries, or ur husband being rich. its abt u and u alone. Im talking out of xperience, sitting at home doing nothing just kills ur self esteem,u begin to lack behind n loose self confidence. So get ur ass up n be a working mum, u be will glad u did trust me.
You need advice from the women. What makes you think that men cannot give you better advice. Anyhow, I'm a man, if you don't mind, this is my advice. Let your husband realized what it takes to stay at home, and plead with him to reason with you. All in all, go back to work as soon as possible.
This Linda you just like posting things that cause problems for families. And you know more ladies read your blog.Not every lady wants to make money like you ok. Some are ok with being the woman God created them to be... taking care of the family and being cherished by their husband and children. Go and marry and stop bringing up stupid topics and claiming they are from LIB readers. I think she should go back to work and leave her kids for nannies to breastfeed
don't stay home, if you think it will lead to resentment later. To rebuild yourself after such a long hiatus will take so much time. that is time you could be with your children when they are fully aware of your presence. in the next five years, if you stay with your firm, you wouldn't have to put in so much time to prove how good you are at your job.
You better not fall into this trap! How long have you stayed at home that your self esteem is already vanishing? Wait until you have to ask him for money to buy sanitary pads! You are not raising invalids. A lot of women have combined their jobs with their families. My mom raised us as a working nurse and we turned out alright. Granted, you might not be able to go far in your career or you might have to take a lower paying job/ lesser opportunity job just so you have the flexibility and time to raise your family, but it can be done. There is more to working than amassing wealth. There's a satisfaction/ sense of dignity that going to work provides. This is not a diss at stay at home Mum's.
Lastly, the proverbs 31 woman that we all aspire to was a working mum. Not only was she working, she was an entrepreneur, mom, manager, and all!
You and u both know as lawyers you cannot just wait and have your kids and go back to work. This profession needs you to be able to juggle both or choose one! Why should he suggest rich? Please don't lope your identity. The process if you becoming a lawyer wasn't an easy task! Hd should respect that
ReplyDeleteWell..he's ur husband, find a way to convince him otherwise. Going back to work is almost impossible except a higher power intervenes. D rate at which young intelligent folks are flooding d labour market now, i doubt any employee will be interested in someone who took a long brk from work.
Delete--Teeteelahyo--
Well..he's ur husband, i'd suggest you find a sooting way to convince him otherwise. Going back to work is next to impossible. The rate at which young intelligent folks r flooding the labour market, i doubt any employer will be interested in someone that took an extended break from work.
Delete--Teeteelahyo--
1st to comment...yes pls hav d kids 1st aiiii
ReplyDeleteSo madam after spending 5years in uni 9 freaking months in law school and am sure lagos campus# having sleepless night in reading 4 bar finals cracking your brain 4 evil oh sorry cvil litigation! Oh and the money spent you want advice still? Dear even we who are still working find it hard to keep up to date with d law not to talk of staying 5years away from practising!
DeleteSha. Do wat u like o me ll just tell u to b working still. Take 4 example our sweet SAN mrs.adekoya she is a moda and a practising lawyer look up to her as your model
Biolsamu.blogspot.com
I guess ure a guy see ur mouth yas or wat! U think is easy to be a lawyer. My dear pls go back to work
Deleteis ur husb rich? tell him to pay u monthly. simple
ReplyDeleteAm sure she didn't study law to be paid for having kids.what happens to fulfilment? My dear u can combine both work n having kids, the only problem is dat its tasking n stressful so let ur hubby understand dat working makes u fulfiled. God help u. Some men tho.
DeleteIt may be difficult to get back to work. If you can get support and extra hands to help with the kids, better now than later
ReplyDeleteΤ̣̣ђё decision is yours and that of ur husband to make. If he can take care of all τ̣̣ђё bills alone, fine g☺ ahead, stay and have ur kids and if not, look 4 something else like business that will give U̶̲̥̅̊ time if U̶̲̥̅̊ don't want to get bored staying at home.
ReplyDeleteDats not a good idea at all! Try en sit ur hubby en talk tins out wit him,if possible involve ur pastor or his parent, buh if he still insist, pls obey him! Gud luk!
ReplyDelete5 years from now, it would be much harder to blend back into the corporate world so factor that in ...... Also if not working is affecting ur esteem , I suggest u find a good daycare immediately for ur child and go back to work , even if it is working part time .
ReplyDeletePersonally I believe every woman should work , two income is better than one .
Time spacing between kids is another factor you gotta consider, can you wait that long? I believe your husband can let you mix family life and work, the contemporary society doesn't give a chance for only family life, you gotta juggle the mix of both. You can work during the time you are spacing your kids, that should be about two years at least.
ReplyDeletePlease there is nothing wrong with a working mu if you can make the combo and prioritize appropriately and considering that your self esteem is dwindling i advice you head back to what makes you feel like you because quite frankly when you lose yourself everything else starts to go downhill even that marriage because you will never be the person your husband fell inlove with and married. Lastly I wouldn't advice any woman in this age and time to be a stay at home Mum.
ReplyDeleteI won't advice dat... Bt u av 2 obey.
ReplyDeleteAm sorry am lost obey who? If ur husband tells you to jump in the ocean will you obey....pls give correct advice, which 1 is obey. Bisi
DeleteWhat a silly question. Sit the fuck down at home and pop out before heading back to your workplace!
ReplyDeleteUr own is too much. Must U̶̲̥̅̊ curse? Is she ur mate? If you can't talk sensibly den keep quiet biko. Try n be reasonable smtyms, k?
DeleteSilly response from a silly brain and typed with silly hands on a silly device!!!
DeleteU ppl who respond to PJ annoy me. Cant u just ignore him
DeleteYou have to do what's best for you. There's no point sitting at home with your self esteem fading, and building resentment towards your husband and child.
ReplyDeleteMen rarely realise the toll pregnancy takes on a woman not just physically but mentally and emotionally.
Go back to your life. You'll need to make adjustments for your baby and maybe after a while you'll decide to have more kids.
Till then I wish you all the best.
HI THERE. I AM A LAWYER AND A MUM. I AGREE WITH YOU THAT CATCHING UP WILL NOT BE EASY. I WAS ON MATERNITY FOR JUST 4 MONTHS AND I FELT LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER WHEN I RESUMED WORK...HOWEVER I WILL ADVICE YOU TO DO WHAT'S MOST CONVINIENT FOR YOU. ITS NOT EASY RAISING KIDS AND HAVING A CAREER. AS LONG AS YOUR HUSBAND CAN CARE FOR YOU ALL....
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, i hope you are a rich wife? simple, get a good creche preferably in a calm part of where you reside ie state of residence.preferably VI and Ikoyi. LOL Drop your babies off after maternity leave usually 16 weeks. nowadays in some creches you can drop off babies as young as 6weeks. Dust your butt and get to work. Thank me in future.
ReplyDeleteGo back to work
ReplyDeleteThis is not a difficult matter....women r havin kids n going to work ,they giv women maternity leave of 3months afterbirth atmost n u work half day until 6mnths..chevron does dat....its not a serious matter for u to seek public opinion...a wise woman knows ahow to handle such simple matters...
ReplyDeleteU started seriously and ended up silly.... How dare you behave superior like u know it all? She is confused that's y she needs opinion to weigh her options, only a fool thinks they know all...there is no perfect and all knowing wise woman anywhere so pls next time don't mock anyone who seeks opinion
Deleteare you a baby making machine?
ReplyDeletego back to work!!! if and when the next baby comes you'll cross that bridge!! Do not sit at home like you some baby making machine! its necessary to work for balance and respect!! and in case he fucks up (they always do) you'll be ready
ReplyDeleteGo back to work woman but please make sure you talk it out with your husband first. just give him reasons why its not a good idea for you to stay home. don't quarrel or nag bout it. make sure you are respectful and choose the best time to approach the issue.
ReplyDeleteAsk him if he married you for you or so you can have and rear kids. Its possible to have and train good kids and still work. He just may be insecure. Let him know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteas a lawyer and a young woman who has to face this challenge i think this is something only you can answer. your husband may sound a bit selfish saying this but that means you guys never had this discussion about how to grow your family. there is no right or wrong way about this its based on what you want for your self and what you and your husband can agree is the best way to grow your family. there is no reason for your self esteem to tumble.he didn't force you he simply suggested. i think you should think through what you want to do and then speak to your husband and tell him how you feel and have a heart to heart. we can always advise but you live with him and he is your partner and he is the one you should try and seek advice from. don't forget the beauty about being a lawyer is that you can always be independent. even if not working you can still attend all workshops and conferences and keep up to date with the rules. consider part time employment also. there is really no reason you can't do both. please don't be discouraged you can juggle all balls at the same time if you are strong enough to handle it. good luck
ReplyDeleteSowwwweeeeee 4 saying dis! Here is best place 2 get advice 2 U̶̲̥̅̊? I don't thinks so! Call U̶̲̥̅̊r hubby tell him ΨђåƮ you hav in mind make him Ơ̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡ reason wit U̶̲̥̅̊ n stop allowing ppl 2 run U̶̲̥̅̊r home 4 U̶̲̥̅̊, he's U̶̲̥̅̊r husband talk him....♍γ̲̣̣̥ advice am sure U̶̲̥̅̊ knw τ̅Ħ̀ε̅ meaning of privacy!!! A word is enof 4 a wise
ReplyDeleteMen and their selfish ways sha. Pls I'll advice U̶̲̥̅̊ go back to work coz 5yrs wld b lyk foreva in your field*Law* buh U̶̲̥̅̊ can also merge childbirth n Work instead of staying almost idle for 5yrs.
ReplyDeleteMy dear same thing iam also doing o. My husb suggested I stay home and nurse all the kids. It was so had to accept and would lead to quarell and even malice. Until I decided to accept and lay my terms. Now he gives me monthly pay as what I was receiving from my previous job and a separate house keeping allowance. While I make the best by bonding with my kids, going out with them. Its fun how they share all the funny stuff going on in their lil mind.I also have time for church activities and hanging out with my girlfrends and going on family vacation without thinking of my job. So you can either talk it out with your hubby or make the best of it
ReplyDeleteUr brain wud be almost stale after such a long time bt its a sacrifice,its 4 u to decide if it is worth it.law is abt the books, and 4 d procedure in crt,if there is any change u can ask colleagues to put u thru,tho it wudnt be easy or in d quest for leniency, u can attach urself to a friends chambers while havn ur kids,so u can shuttle office work and home stuff,ur hubby shud understand.
ReplyDeleteYes you are married but you also are an individual to be considered. You dont sound too happy being at home and raising kids this is okay. Not everyone is meant to be a full time housewife. Iworry about your self esteem, raising kids shoudl be satisfactory to a certain point but it should make you lose your self. Talk to you man and tell him how you feel and your concerns. He may give you some time to do what you love and then with a promise of you getting back to bear more kids for him you may agree. I hope he is not trying to keep you barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen at home, discuss this before its too late, if you self esteem is not what it was you may soon be depressed and may resent your family for it. Find a balance and in this issue, communication is key dear.
ReplyDeleteHonestly this is a very tough choice to make but I will say personally for me as I am in ur shoes about to have my first baby..... GO BACK TO WORK. Ur child will love you for it and in the end ur hubby will respect you for it. One of the problems I find is that men tend to lose respect for women who stay at home and hhat for me hurts more.... people forget.... they forget u used to be that go getter lawyer and all when u stay home all u become in the end just a stay at home mum. Another piece of advice from me is that well its tough but it is what we have to do as women YOU MUST FIND THE BALANCE yup yup no one can do that for you but you... yellllzzz u must be the working mum, the mummy at home, the wife and the freak between the sheet.... this is what we as women have to do and that balance must come from you and you alone.... nurse ur baby till he/she is older get back to work when the next comes do the same and look at how in the long run u can be self employed in ur field and then u can free some more time for ur fam and kids...... but now u are young make use of that energy u have and that doesn't mean use it all to have ur kids and nurse em...... it maybe too difficult and late to get back into the swing of things...... Hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteU want to wait for d kids to grow up? That will be like wen they will be teenagers. Most people combine the two..career n motherhood successfully. I bet housewife isn't you since u r complaining about self esteem… look around u, everyday people r called to d bar n they all want to be relevant.so create ur own niche now u r young n ful of zest. Ur inner strenght will see u tru juggling family n career.
ReplyDeletefirst to comment looolz, i think you should make your husband understand that, you can practice it at home and get colleague to update you.
ReplyDeleteNoooo! That will be a lopsided arrangement. You are not the first to go through such in your and successfully balanced things up. Have u considered how u would be like five years down the line? Moreover you are not in marriage just to rear children!
ReplyDeletePlease make ur hubby undrstnd that we re no longer in d period wen u sit wt kids @ home till they can walk.No one knws tomorrow.U need to get back to work nd support ur hubby in case of rainy days.@ least there re good schs out there if ur baby is upto 6 mnths.
ReplyDeleteMadam, sit ur hubby down and discuss with him... There shld be a way out
ReplyDeleteLinda I tire for dis ur diary session, small time people would start asking shld I give birth through normal delivery/ Caesarean section? Shld I have sex with hubby 3X daily or Once a week... Hian
Nna my sister, go back to work jor and take the required breaks in between each kid.
ReplyDeleteI just had my first baby and I'm currently on maternity leave. While I'm enjoying the break from work and bonding with my baby, I CANNOT imagine being a house wife.
Regardless of how rich your husband is, you do need your own income. It helps with the self esteem you mentioned.
Imagine having to depend on a man for EVERYTHING. Tufiakwa!
Minus the financial aspect, I am one of those people who need a CONSTANT dose of mental challenges. I need to extremely task my brain. I get some sort of high from it..
But you know, I've been thinking of what will happen to my baby once I'm back to work. The thought of a nanny is TERRIFYING! And because she's too young to go to a creche already, the only logical option I have thought up is starting my own business...and I don't mean opening a boutique or shop to sell baby clothes (no disrespect to those who do).
Think of something you can do on your own that is related to your profession....something that'll give you money and also enable you control your time....goodluck :)
dear friend friend not this modern world, go and get a job, unforseen circumstances are everywhere
ReplyDeletetalk it out with your husband and make him see reasons...don't do agidi with him ooo
ReplyDeleteHow rich is your husband? Can he comfortably provide your needs and that of the kids without complaining? Go back to work my dear,women no longer quit jobs to have kids okay? Speak to your husband and let him see reasons as to why you can't waste your years@ home just to have kids...Get a help,it could be a relative or just someone that you can pay monthly to help you out @home...Like i said hun,go back to work,if your husband truelly loves you,he'd respect and support what makes you happy
ReplyDeletePRETTY GIRL
Career women still kip their home nd their job.. thatz all i knw nd hav to say.
ReplyDeletePls tell him u can balance it!don't stay at home if u don't want to otherwise u will be depressed!
ReplyDeletelet him stay at home whil u go to work. at least uve nursed ur baby for one year. now it is his turn let him stay wiht the baby for another year. thn by the thrid year you will put to bed and stay wht the baby for anothe year whihel he too will do same for the uper year and so on and so forth
ReplyDeleteLooool
DeleteI think u shd try to explain ur fears to ur husband. For sum1 who has worked b4 i don't think it will b easy to stop or 'pause' working. Besides,is ur job gonna wait 4 u too? IMO, u shd kip working as dat will mk u a lil independent of ur hussy. Also,it will help u space ur children well. If u stay @ home till u're done giving birth,i dnt think u'd space dem well cos u'll just want to finish n go back to work. It'll b lyk u're on child-bearing contract. Rememba to tok amicably wit ur husband. Gudluck!
ReplyDeleteI personally think its not a good idea to do so. Its not even about work, but how can u handle like 3 or 4 bambinis at the same time wif just a year apart, eww, its gonna be mad and too much work. I think space the kids out men, like 3 years. That way, the older ones can already listen to instruction and give u peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteInstead of changing bottles, diapers and breastfeeding all at the same damn time. Too much stress and pls dont say nanny would help cus u cant rely on them and fam would only help2 a certain extent and ur hubby would be at work, so at the end of the day, u r alone in this, u do not wanna end up with depression do u, i say go back to work and space the kids age.
what u wil hv to do is to stay hum nd look afta ur children nd also make research on d new rules,code guidin ur office as a lawyer
ReplyDeleteWhy should you come for advice on a social media? This is personal as such should be kept within your home. If you take advice from here and it turns out bad will the readers face it with you? And also deep in your heart, you already know what you want so....
ReplyDeleteJacqueline ple like u are an irritation to society ... So do you now know who dis person is? So how is she exposing her family to the social media??? Even if she has decided, hearing other point of views can help her weigh her options properly... Personal my foot, as if you know her name and face mscheeew
DeleteIn life u have 2 strike a balance in all u do. U can't stay @ home since u d condition of ur work. Talk 2 ur husband nd try 2 have equal time 4 work nd family, dnt let ur home suffer cus of work dats ma advice 4 u. Nd secondly u shld read works watch gd movie nd a lot on style 2 build brc on Esteem cus ur carisma is ur beauty.
ReplyDeletei suggest you go back to work actually for ur career sake
ReplyDeleteMy sister go back to work if it will make u happy...that is why u are a woman...we marry, av kids and av successful careers..it is called multitasking...u can do it dear..
ReplyDeleteMy friend go and work! Ur nt d first woman to get married and hv a baby, many of us r shuttling both. Dnt ask us, cus u will still do wat ur husband says, besides it shld hv been something u two discussed before marriage. Questions like dis get on my nerves! Mschewwww
ReplyDeleteYou are obviously a frustrated and angry wife, pls don't pour out Ur anger on her madam I too know....
Deleteu can if ur hobby will pay u monthly take home from work
ReplyDeleteI understand how u feel.I have two kids and they have both started school,so am looking for a job now.but it wasn,t easy at all staying home.I used to be miserable,but u have to keep urself occupied with sometins so u don't feel so bad.I want one more child but I don't tink I can stay home anymore or I will run crazy.although everyone is saying I shld have d last baby and then look for a job,but I don't tink so.u can't trust maids these days,so its safer taking care of d baby till he starts school.it will be hard but its for d good of ur family unless ur mum can come take care of d baby.God is ur strength okay.
ReplyDeleteU need prayers o my sister,hw on earth will ur hubby say u shouldn't work,please u need psalm 91 seriously to move ur life.if u demand much he go start to give attitude and tell u that is all I can afford.
ReplyDeleteGet back as soon as u cn pls
ReplyDeletePls go to work, take maternity leaves as the babies come. You can also get a nanny. Trust me, going back after 5yrs will be a huge challenge.
ReplyDeleteMy DEAR u can work and stil have ur kids, I went tru dat and its not been easy, havnt been able to get any job since 2yrs afta my last child. Talk to ur husb and make him undastand u can cope wit work and family
ReplyDeleteBringing up ones kid is a beautiful thing, but that does have to make u quite ur job. U will be able to balance both. All you need to is do the job that allows you time to go home to your kids. Don't take up assignment that will take you out of town for weeks. The truth is staying home does not make one a good mother, but the impact you make on them the little time ou spend with them. Good luck. By the way l have kids too. I leave home at 10am after bathing, feeding and putting things in place, l close at 5pm and get home at 6 that gives me ample time to make dinner, play with them, feed, bath, put them to sleep and have time for myself and my hubby.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm! What struck my mind was the word " SELF ESTEEM". With all sincerity and modesty I must plead that you speak n plead with your husband again to see reasons with you why u need to go back to WORK.
ReplyDeleteHaving children and raising a home is not all.......
Secondly, even if ur husband's financial muscle is strong,is still not all about money.
I advise you joggle your career with your home front if u have the will power....which I think u can as I can feel the pulse of the tone your letter.
Best of luck!!! I KNOW U CAN.
pls if u can persuade him go back to work ooohh . dis is not a long story ansa der r times u wanna do stufs 4 ur sef witout askin ur husband 4 everytin, also after 5yrs work mite not b dsame as it used 2 b nd u mite not cope nd trust me u wud resign ursef . in d end na housewife u go b .
ReplyDeleteNO gree o, its a way of makin u turn to a houz wife, u depend on him and later he starts comparing u wit workin class women
ReplyDeleteNO gree o, its a way of makin u turn to a houz wife, u depend on him and later he starts comparing u wit workin class women
ReplyDeleteA woman's major work is to take care of her home but on the otherhand let ur hubby know u can't be a liability. Take care
ReplyDeleteI suggest he stays home half the time too to play his part. Who be fool? Trust me u'd neva catch up in five years. Its like repeating a class five times. Other unmarried LIB readers shuld take a que and discuss these terms before u walk down d long aisle of marriage.
ReplyDeleteif that is what will bring your marriage peace, pls do. but u dont v to loose ur value.Having kids and being priviledged to take care of them is great joy,so do all u v to do wt joy.
ReplyDeletePlease go to work. You can balance the two. Gain experience while you raise your kid. Sitting at home will ruin your brain cells
ReplyDeleteu dnt need people comn her to tell u what u n ur husband shud talk about. go to God in prayers and like a wise woman that u are,tell ur husband hw much what u thnk is good for u( returning to wrk) means to you, he shud understand u. cheers
ReplyDeleteFrom your mail, it's obvious you already know what to do my sister. Get back to work! You don't have to wait and loss touch with reality. You are suppose to space your children so if you plan to have 3 you will probably be home for minimum 6 years. Ok now. Take your tongue count your teeth o. Ehhn!
ReplyDeleteyou forgot to mention your age for one to be able to offer better advise
ReplyDeletethis is something u shd hv discussed wit ur husband wen u guys were still courting! you're his wife and shd submit to him...if he wants u to stay home till u'v raised all ur kids,u hv to do so,on the other hand, u can gv him a better option on how u cn run both taking care of ur kids and working at the same time...pray before you do! good luck...ZODIAC
ReplyDeleteWhat ever you decide please don't leave your children with house helps! THEY ARE EVIL!
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on the no of children you intend having. Five years is a whole lot of time to stay back home doing nothing. That is what I did too. But in my own case, I only had two kids. But its always ok when you don't have to worry about child bearing again and all you have to do is to just focus on raising them and your career. So my advice is that you go back to work if you're gonna have more than two kids. www.it-wab.com
ReplyDeleteI'll suggest you talk calmly with your husband n make him see reasons with you returning to work asap. God forbid he goes broke for a lil while, you might be of help to him. You can't just stay at home doing nothing but staying with d kids except u have a business sha. Pls get back to work asap n make arrangements to take care of your kids while your away. Miss Oyin
ReplyDeleteMen are so selfish nd self centerd,dey dnt want to see dier wife progress,dey want to turn us to nanny while they live like oba!pls my dear sis go to work nd let ur baby start a gud day care befo u go turn to his maid for huse.
ReplyDeleteCommit to continuous learning.
ReplyDelete1.The internet is there for you daily
2.You have friends in the field working, connect with them & stay connected.
3. Get Professional Certification
4. Exercise alot, meditate.
5. Love your kids & husband cos there is more to life than career. Family is one gift only God gives.Money cant buy you that.
6. Volunteer for a worthy cause- Volunteer Aid & other NGO's.
7. Mingle with other women e.g Awesome Treasures Meeting.
8. Imagine your ultimate goal in life, imagine what you would like to do if you had all the money in the world, start living it in your mind, write it down.
9. IMAGINE yourself in your new office & career daily(practice before the mirror & your kids).
10. KEEP YOUR MIND WITH ALL DELIGENCE 4 YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT & LOOOVE YOUR FAMILY SILLY!!!
please ff ur husband's advice
ReplyDeletedatz d only way for now
choose either ur work/family?
I think u should think properly n do what's best for u n ur family, pple myt give diff n confusing advices which myt make things worse. Talk it over with ur husband.explain how u feel to him
ReplyDeleteYou don't need a traditional to be fulfilled. You can look for part time work or start building your profile as a corporate lawyer on a consultancy basis. You can mentor online to stay relevant and attend trainings when you can. If you'd like to talk more feel free to email me at info@insitefulsolutionsconsult.com or follow me on twitter: @nikkytheminx
ReplyDeleteLike seriously?!!! Wats wrong with working n having babies @same time? Huh??! †ђξ women doing it, sebi they ve two heads ni? Pls darling, dont bring urself down. I mean, imagine, u already feeling low.
ReplyDeleteIf u put a hold on ur career, u'll hate uurseelf, ur husband, ur kids n den u'll Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡ ur marriage falling apart. Seeat. Ur hussband down n tell him u want to G☺̣̣̥̇ back to worrk and dat u can hanndle motherhood n ur career. Ook, if na so, him sef shud pausee working sef!
Soori to say o, but its either he senseless or delibrately beinng icked. Abi ya husband na sparre parts dealer wen dey fear ur goals?#GAIL#
Trust me go back to work. Don't say I no tell u oooo. Msm.
ReplyDeletePls I advice you to
ReplyDeleteGo back to work and take a career break whenever the other babies come
Or
Stay at home but keep developing yourself by enrolling in an online MBA or courses relevant to your career. You could also do volunteer work that will not take up a lot of your time while you are home with the kids.
You should be giving this exact speech to your husband.. If its something you guys can work out.. why not?
ReplyDeleteI am a female lawyer so I can identify with you.. Lawyers always feel the need to be needed in the corporate sphere..
Shouldnt be that big a deal!
teamDIALOG#
Don't seek for advice on how to run your home from places like this, otherwise you would get advice from devil and your home would be doomed. seek the face of God. Also know that Family happiness is far more than job satisfaction!
ReplyDeleteMy dear listen to ur husband nd do as he said since he is d one dat came up wit it bcos he is d head of d farmily, for ur wk God will always see u trow nd will help u out remember there is nothing d lord can not do.
ReplyDeleteIf you decide to stay home for maybe 5 years before going back to work, your self esteem will just vanish...and that job'll become history. Start work now that your baby can walk. If you decide to wait, na you sabi. Your hubby, sorry to say is just insecure.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing as beautiful and rewarding as taking time to raise ur kids. My questions are: will ur hubby be financially generous to you? Considering u were earning ur own money before. Second,how sure are u that it won't take more than 5yrs for u to stay at home? You cld learn some skills while at home to boost ur self esteem.
ReplyDeleteas a lawyer as well with kids, staying at home wasnt easy, but you can stay at home and still keep up with current ongoings, may be you can take up small jobs from home
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon Linda,
ReplyDeleteThe advise that I can give you is to ensure that you read books regularly in relations to Law.
Thanks to Google it easy to retrieve new information about Law.
Keep on reading and do research, learn how to manage your time with the kids put some time aside for studying.
Communication with you ex class mates and join a law forum where you can chat to people working in law or studying Law.
And finally voluntary work or paid employment for 1 or 2 days will be good for you. You need a break away from the motherly experience and going into work, will make you feel good about yourself. Although you love your child it can be depressing if your at home constantly looking after the kids.
Strike a balance hopefully your husband will be an understanding man and not just thinking of his career.
Unfortunately these experiences can cause conflict between couples . Be strong and pray.
Good luck
Darling do that and watch your life pass you by. You will start feeling old and looking old in no time. You can have kids and work at the same time. You wont be the first woman to do it and you surely wont be the last. You can get a maid if you need to.
ReplyDeleteSame husband that is telling you to have all your kids will be the one to complain about your look and you turning to an old hag.
Look for the best time to talk to him about it and like you said yourself, you have low self esteem already and your profession is not the type you can stay away from for five years and not practice. All the best.
Go to work joh wetin,many women hv bn juggling career n raising kids so u also can do u want to stay at home and be getting fat? With time ull start lookin scattered
ReplyDeletei think you should work most men always prefer their wives to stay at home which i think is not fair, but if you don't want to disobey him stay and have all the kids you want
ReplyDeleteWhy didn’t you wait until you retire before you start having babies?
ReplyDeleteYour esteem is slowly fading away? Because your taking care of your baby?
Don’t forget to tell your kids when they grow up that your esteem was at the lowest because you quit job to care for them.
Tell them that you really valued your job far more than them and couldn’t afford to lose out on the ever changing/development in Law.
One word, Shame!
Sorry Ma'am, I don't know if anyone here is able to give you advice. Reasons being:
ReplyDelete1. We don't know about your marriage or live in your home to know what you and you husband discusses on how to run your lives.
2. If your husband says stay home and start a family, I'm sorry but that is the final stay unless you want to outsource your wifely roles to another woman.
3. I don't mean to sound harsh but that is my opinion and I'm sure your husband means well. U can try talking to him first as LIB don't hold any stakes in your marriage.
You will be fine and u can go back to study after kids. Be safe!
Madam sorry 2 say ur husband is just so selfish, if U̶̲̥̅̊ stay at home for 5 years just forget it, as a lawyer you can't catch up. There are lots of career women out there and they're managing their home front well all you need do is plan your time well.
ReplyDeleteMy own opinion tho
i am a guy and i will sincerely advice u to keep on with ur work no matter how little just to stay abreast with issues. people have kids while working. ur carrier is equally important. even if ur hubby has all the funds to support u.
ReplyDeleteif you have people that can help you at home with the kids, i'll advice that you continue with your job. once you break off, going back to work is difficult.
ReplyDeletePlease go back to work and take the maternity leave like every other woman. Try and explain all to your husband first and pray about it.
ReplyDeleteYou can stay abreast new laws/rules/et al online! And if need be, do a refresher course before resuming work!
ReplyDeleteThat's if you must practice...
Plenty drama on LIB biko!
Go back to work!!! Or find something you can do from home to do you will not be a good mother without self confidence..
ReplyDeleteTry n talk to ur husband I don't think u shld stay @ home for 5yrs,make him understand everything without argument..
ReplyDeleteThts the opp of saying quit ur job!
ReplyDeleteImagine after a 5yr gap of wrking who will want to employ you? Who will want to employ a dormant worker.?
Am a lawyer too n am meant to travel upcountry to wrk there for the gov(am not nigerian), the job offer came shortly after i got married las yr dec, come feb i ws ofered to wrk for the gov, after yrs of wrkng in the private sector, toiling myself like a donkey, wth no plenty bonuses as much as one gets in the gov, i thot ths is it i shld just relocate upcountry while i make steps to ask to be transfered bak to the city i live wth my hubby. I told my hubby abt it, n he said no i sholdnt move! I swear tht was the biggest blow in my life! i told him, am doing it for the sake of the two of us n my family too,tht he shld let me go whileam there i will make a request frm the ministry cincerned to relocate me, aftrr all gov jobs r much more secured n last a life time! It ws a tough one week for us, untillwen he just came to my terms n agreed! I ws the hapiest woman!
I tgink men like to play wth our minds! Emotions n progress! Mayb just to make us stay stagnant n not progress wth achvng a good life thts upto standards! At the end of the day after baring say 5 kids for him, wth no job, no savings in ur bank acount u will have to stick up wth all tge headaches n heartbreaks, heartattacks, bllod pressure n torture tht a husband will have to give a wife! Simply bcoz one has no where to go, n establish her life afresh wth her kids, bt to depend on ur hubby on food, shelter n clothing.
Ur a lawyer, think like one, act like one! Be smart, lawyers r smart, n alwys think outside the box, we tend to have answers for both kinds of examinations be it answers fr the defence or plaintif! Ur going to get free off charge opinions in here today, so be smart engh to wrk on the best wrld class opinion u will get!Goodluck hon
I'm a mother of a 7 month old baby and another one is on the way. It's very hard combining work with child care, even with the help of a maid. I suggest u set your priorities straight; which is more important? Your career or your family. Trust me, it's not easy at all.
ReplyDeleteThis is the same thing my dad told my mum. But now she is a senior officer in a govt parastater. I am d first. She started working when I was in secondary school. My dear marriage is all about sacrifice. If u don't listen to them now trouble. Make him understand. If he doesn't don't stay idle at home. Do a business that will not take u faraway 4rmur family. That's my candid advise. If u don't do anything bordom will finish u........
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow young female lawyer though unmarried my advice to you is this: talk 2 ur husband, tell him ur fears and exactly how u feel. With his support, u can get a firm on a part time basis. Let them know that the money is not that important to you, but ur more interested in gaining the experience/knoweledge. If he loves youu he will understand and support you. Being idle for 5 years won't favour you @ all, cos by the time u get back 2 d labour market u'll be stale and a lot of ur mates will be ahead of you. Am of the school of thought that you can be a good mum and still work. (Am not saying it's easy) but it's possible. All the best dear.
ReplyDeleteOBY
My dear,get your baby into a good crèche and get back to work. I had my two children while working and even did my masters program in between. A woman should work and earn her pay irrespective of who her husband is. Life has no guarantees,and staying at home could result in more unwanted pregnancies. You can do all,just put a balance in it. God will help you.
ReplyDeleteAll there re family comes first.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be in court to be seen as a lawyer.
Most lawyers work from home.
famliy, one day you will need it.
Babe u r own ur own if u do dat,u shld try nd b successful jst as ur hubby want not sit down to nurse children alone
ReplyDeleteGo back to work dear, you don't need to have all your childern before looking for a job..unless your husband will be paying you what the coy pays u
ReplyDeleteThen u can sit at home
www.ameriestyle.com
No comment.
ReplyDeleteplease you combine the both remember what Bey said- strong enough to bear the child, and strong enough to make the millions
ReplyDeleteyou can do it!!!
Dear,don't mind ur husband that's hw men are this days very selfish. Having babies doesn't stop u frm working dnt be surprised that after u might have all ur babies u will be put off frm working or he might come up with unreaasonable issue again.
ReplyDeleteIndeed you will have a low self esteem if you depend solely on your husband educated or not.Most working mother's acknowledge with regret the opportunity lost by not being around their kids as much as they would want to.Law is a profession and that means that you can watch them through their formative years(0-10),possibly board them at the secondary level and then kick start your career.Be careful not to have too many kids so that you have a shorter time to achieve this.Of course you will have to start all over but its a sacrifice worth taking for the bible says"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he grows he will not depart from it".In the mean time,get busy;start a biz or b a part time consultant,learn a skill or a craft.*kisses*
ReplyDeleteDnt b a learner!!! Better go back 2 work, dnt wait 2 av all ur kids...
ReplyDeleteMy dear do wat pleases U̶̲̥̅̊ ,who says U̶̲̥̅̊ cnt work n av babies?there re gud nannies,creches etc buh no one can take care of ur babies like U̶̲̥̅̊ !am a housewife 4nao too n av bin so 4 7yrs nao,I av 3kids aswel and tank goodness my baby wil be 2 in september and wil be starting skul,I must confess its not bin easy buh its fulfilling,so darling if U̶̲̥̅̊ can pls do but if U̶̲̥̅̊ can't abeg don't cos ur kids n hubby won't be comfortable wit an unhappy n grumpy housewife!cheerz n gudluck...juu!
ReplyDeleteStart a business you can run from home
ReplyDeleteI don't see any big-deal in your situation. It's for you to make your husband see reason(s) with you. Who says female Lawyers can not practice and have babies?
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you can raise your kids and work at the same time. I did same. It is important for women to work and be independent. Even if your husband is the richest man in the world, he will still respect you if you have some kind of independence. Besides, no one knows tomorrow. It is good to work and remain up to date in one's field, cos if the bread winner is no longer there, you have got to fill his shoes.
ReplyDeleteDo d right thing nd go back to work I have 2 kids nd only nursed them for 3 months before I resumed.though I hv d help of my mother. U better not let a man take ur pride away from u. Well except u married to extremely rich fellow. Who u re certain will not get irriated along d line
ReplyDeleteHello madam, am not a woman but if you won'd mind, i will suggest you stay at home and finish having your children before going back to work full time.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, as a woman, you have limited time for this BIZ( child bearing).
Secondly, you can work from home depending on the work load you handle and still be updated with work updates on laws,codes and etc.
Thirdly and most importantly, you get to BOND with the children before they start growing. You also set the foundation for them.
Work will always be there but the kids? I beg you in God's name, do the right thing.God will see you through,it is well, GOODLUCK. Daniel from ikeja.
God Bless you for this comment.
DeleteYou better go back to wrk b4 you get covered wth dust. You can cope wth child bearing n work, we r all doing it, you can do it too.
ReplyDeleteHello madam, am not a woman but if you won'd mind, i will suggest you stay at home and finish having your children before going back to work full time.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, as a woman, you have limited time for this BIZ( child bearing).
Secondly, you can work from home depending on the work load you handle and still be updated with work updates on laws,codes and etc.
Thirdly and most importantly, you get to BOND with the children before they start growing. You also set the foundation for them.
Work will always be there but the kids? I beg you in God's name, do the right thing.God will see you through,it is well, GOODLUCK. Daniel from ikeja.
Go back to work ... Space your ... Children... I'm a working mum as well my first will be 3years old in another 2 months and I just put to bed .
ReplyDeleteMy dear ur husband is trying to kill ur career indirectly. He hates ur job and wouldn't come out plain wit u, but d truth still remains d same family first b4 anytin, but if there is any way u can convince ur hubby to let u handle tins ur way and assure him dat his kids will get all d attention and love dey nid frm their mum even wit u still holding on to ur career jst do it. Wish u d best of luck!
ReplyDeleteThats not fair. She said he suggested. U dont know the background. Dont make such unfair statements. Her turmoil seems more internal
DeleteSo will he stay at home and nurse the kids with u??? Rubbish. Anyway sha for the sake of peace in ur home, listen to ur husby and at d same time be considering a career change cos u will def not be able to keep up with d changes in d legal system. Shikena!
ReplyDeleteI have a lawyer friend that just resumed back to work after nursing her 2nd baby for 6mths,she has her own chambers thou. Get a nanny,if possible an elderly one who will help you in taking care of the children n help round the house. My advice dearie,you don't have to stay at home n have kids at once,have ur kids,work n ask for the grace of God combined with the help of the Holy spirit. Its well
ReplyDeleteRonkkie
At home you can do consultancy, also hold briefs maybe even earn some income by running a home business, catering or otherwise where you can supervise the cooking and do take away. You can ask friends to supply you with products while you make a profit off that.
ReplyDeleteIt's a pity that during your courtship you were busy talking about how much you love each and how you can't do without each other instead of how you plan to have babies n your job and important things that makes any marriage work. It's too late now, you must obey your husband so enjoy!
ReplyDeleteplease do not even try it. if you do, you will end being a full time house wife as your husband will always bring up other reasons for you to remain at home.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, it depends on if you can handle taking care of the kids and working... Sitting at home idle is not the best. If it takes 5 years to have all your children, will you be home all the While?
ReplyDeleteSome men suggest this for their own selfish reasons, others out of genuine concern....
Lol wt a question,my advice is 2go work its very important,get a nanny to take of ya babies.infact y did I comment this a dumb Q go 2work MANN!!
ReplyDeleteAre u kidding me? Its either u want 2 become a full tyme house wife or.....
ReplyDeletePlease u can go back 2work & still hv ur kids & take care of dem. Dere are millions of working class mum's & dere families are still intact. U should kn hw well 2 manage work & family if actually u hv passion 4 ur job.
5yrs isn't 5 days maaam & trust me u mite even exceed 5yrs considering family planning & hw many kids u wanna have. plz tink abt it & discuss with ur hubby. personally its going 2b boring. Do wat makes u happy
JOY
I am seriously laughing at all those suggesting she stay at home and do "consultancy", small business and shit like that! Sweetheart, you need to wake up and go to work. Years from now you will look back and regret being a stay at home mum. I understand the benefits of staying home with your kids but going to work far outweighs being a stay at home mum.
ReplyDeleteMy dear I believe you know the answer to your question. Go back to work. You can work and still have children. The more you stay off work, the backward you become. we all resprect our partners but as a woman, we are the most vunerable sex, therefore try to have a mind of your own. Discuss your intension with your husband in a reasonable way and if he really respects you and your career, he will consider your plea.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Dr Barbs
My sister pls go back 2 wk put ur baby in a gd crench or get a nanny jut wk somtin out I had a baby last year she is a year n 4months old nw n I am back 2 square 1 as in loking 4 a job pls if u can go bak I suggest u do jut space d kids at lest 3yrs n 2yrs
ReplyDeleteDear woman,In my own opinion,I suggest you work,and train ur children as well..you are a woman,and God has given us the gift of handling multiple tasks at once...ur job and child bearing,are 2 crucial parts of ur life.you don't have to stop 1 to be able to do the other..you can run both tasks simultaneously and perfectly..afterall,the heart doesn't stop beating cos the liver,kidney,or pancreas is functioning.they all function simultaneously.God forbid it,what if after 5 years,your husband passes away??..what will happen??..you will live on his wealth??...besides,law is a professional course,and the number of years you spend in practice matters.Y cut it down??...5 years is a lot of time,and so much can happen within this space of time...Nevertheless,DON't let this cause problems between you and your husband....if u try convincing him to let u continue with your work,while you bear children as well,and he refuses,then obey him,he is your husband,and you are meant to be submissive to him(be careful,situations like this often end peoples marriages.pray about it,and follow your heart)..And before I end dis message,I will like you to know of a couple(that I am familiar with) that are separated now,because the husband wanted the wife to be a full time house wife when they Got married initially,and she accepted.Now things are rough for the man,and he is blaming the woman for being idle,and therefore,they separated.I leave you in God's hands.Pray and have faith.God solves ALL PROBLEMS!!!linda,postukwaa my comment
ReplyDeletePlease go back to work. m̶̲̥̅̊Ɣ mum had 7 of us and is a working mother. We share our bond with her and grew up good. Staying at home will make you unhappy if you are the career oriented type. But if not, you can stay at home and take care of your kids.
ReplyDeleteMy dear u re a woman nd ofcos u knw hw it is 2 give birth, u can't give birth 2 all your children in 5years u need more strength nd space nd u can't sit ideal @ home, so dear u ve 2 go back 2 work nd let ur husband understand dat u re a lawyer nd nt a housewife. God is ur strength.
ReplyDeleteIn my own opinion, I think this issue shud had been discussed during ur courtship/dating properly before the marriage. But then both of you can still come to the round table and discuss it. Perhaps, if you can convince him, he might allow you to resume back to work. Segun 4m Sango Ota.
ReplyDeleteHi dear. I have been there and I promise you, it is the best thing to do. I am a lady engineer and I had to leave work through the childbearing years. Now my children are all graduates and I can't but be thankful to God for that decision. I promise you, you won't regret it. Just keep reading and developing yourself while at home. Motherhood is by far the best profession that gives eternal rewards...
ReplyDeleteMy LO is 6months and am considering goin bak to work coz its damn boring to stay @ home...My husband wnt me to get a job coz he undastnds hw boring it is to stay @ home, even my lil one needs to meet n interact wit new pple(age _wise) pls go bak to wrk coz u ve ur own career o.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, i speak to you with a lotof love. i have been in your shoes, and right now i am struggling to get a job. My husband kept complaining about my work hours all the time, i resigned my bank job and i stayedhome had 4 kids - 7 years later i still cant find a good job, my colleagues who i started my career with re all managers atleast, some of my surbordinates are even Mds of coys. i suffer alow self esteem. I am backward on all levels. And to make matters worst my husband's business is not doing well, the kids have styed home for almost two terms because we cant afford fees. we have relocated to the surbubs of lagos from Ikoyi because we can no longer afford the rent. I am full of regrets, i cant give my kids the best they deserve. if only i had kept my job- things will be different. My advice if u want something that will give u time, start itfirst before u quit work. All the best. regards Delphin
ReplyDeleteBut you guys must have discussed this before you got married, nau? and why can't you do both? I mean, have your children and still keep a job?
ReplyDeleteThis is the problem with most Nigerian women. They dive head first into marriage so fast, that they just agree to everything without voicing their own opinion. Then later, when they realise, the complaints come. Though must times the guys lie that they are okay with their wives working, then once they are married, the talk go change.
My mum was a working woman (still is BTW), when she had my brothers and I. My dad, being the amazing man that he is, supported her all the way. She respected him as the man of house, and though she was busy most of the time, she still made sure she was there for us all any time, any day, and we all turned out great.
How many children do you plan to have? four? five? and then add that to waiting for them to get into school...Honey, at that age, how easy would it be to get a job? talk more of being in tune with the changes happening rapidly with the work environment.
Fact is, your husband wants you to be a stay at home wife/mum. This isn't bad at all, if you're okay with it. But since you're not, perhaps, you should talk to your man, albeit, calmly about your situation. Tell him how it's affecting your self-esteem.
You never know, he might change his mind.
PLEASE GO BACK TO WORK IF U LOVE YOURSELF. YOU KNOW WHY? THAT IS BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND MAY LOSE HIS JOB ONE DAY(GOD FORBID) AND WAT HAPPENS? THINK TWICE MY DEAR LAWYER FRIEND. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
ReplyDeletethey bring everythin to LIB..cant people have a mind of thier own and consult professionals rather than a bunch of faceless people?My dear Wisdom is the principal tjhing..there is no right or wrong,good or bad....check what works for you and apply it.You can combine work and home and you can also stay at home without your hubby disrespecting you..it all depends on your current circumstance...Gods grace
ReplyDeleteAm a woman and is telling you to go back to work do not stay at home if not you would regret it and trust me your self esteem would vanish. Bearing kids is a wonderful thing and I have two. So please go back to work. Men change don't ever forget that
ReplyDeleteUhm I want to believe your husband met you while you were working in which case I will say, girl you should better ignore your selfish husband and go back to work.He's trying to kill your career. are there no working mothers in your profession? even if he has a lot of money, don't give up your profession, in the coming years, it will be your source of pride. Moreover, if anything should happen to him let's say he had an accident and died,what would you do? Women better watch out for the type of guys you marry, Country men, if you know say you no wan marry woman wey go school or dey work, no marry am, no try to stop anyone destiny.
ReplyDeleteThe obvious is to say it depends on your priorities. The disadvantage of staying away from work for extended periods of time, isn't only that code of practice, legalisation etc may change. These can always be re-learnt, the bigger issue is that you may become irrelevant, the credibility that you've built up with peers, in your firm, with clients will dissipate and this is much harder to regain, particularly as there are many others capable of taking your place. Some other people have already suggested nannies, finding a crèche etc, if you can afford it, you should definitely look into these options. As one woman to another, I'd also like to mention (and I don't mean to be condescending) that your identity and potential extends far beyond your ability to bear and look after children. This is only one part of your identity; an identity which is yours, not your husband's to decide. Marriage should enable you to reach your full potential, not shrink it and make you smaller! So I’d say, go back to work, full or part time, continue to build your career and get the support you need at home to look after your family. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMy office is littered with older women who sacrificed their careers for their families; they aren’t happy. Some of the most successful and happy women I know are the ones who decided, and did have it all. If your career is very important to you, let your husband know. If he loves and respects you and all you stand for, he won’t want to derail a very important part of your life, and you should both be able to find a solution that allows you to map out a solution, which allows you BOTH to pursue your careers while raising a young family.
u can go back to work my dear or get into full corporate practice from your home. u can do it,most especially if u are mobile.
ReplyDeleteTruthfully, sit down and clear things with ur hubby. If he can provide comfortably for family and will support u when u r ready to work, then stay at home, or if so difficult for u, do a less challenging/demanding job or consultancy. It is very important u bond with ur kids and give them the right foundation eg, values, fear of God. Wen they advance in school they will make u a proud mum and u will be glad u were home with them. Just keep on reading.
ReplyDeleteDat ur husband must be a killjoy.i dnt want to smell such a man near me oo.
ReplyDeleteMy dear your husband is selfish enough to turn you into a full time house wife,pls don't deceive yourself!Except you are a baby breeding machine,there's no way you will have all your kids in 5 years,I work at a bank & most of the aggressive marketers are married with 2 or more kids.You can work & have your kids comfortably abeg,your husband just wants you to be dependent on him!I wish my mother can lecture you on this, she had 8 of us & she recently retired.
ReplyDeleteIf ur husband will provide everything for u,then u have to stay and take good care of ur babys.
ReplyDeleteLinda U̶̲̥̅̊ sure knw how to skip comments* mcheeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww
ReplyDeleteMy dear,except if ur not physically fit. Am a working mum. I have 3 kids and 34yrs and I wok in a bank. All d best dearie.
ReplyDeleteAmara.
Linda, am really sorry to say this, but I realised today that half of your readers are quite shallow people.
ReplyDeleteFirst, you must understand today that Motherhood is a Higer calling. whether this woman's husband is asking her out of selfishness or not, nothing can make up for the sacrifice a mother makes for her children at this early age.
Career can always be picked up later especially with upgrading urself educational wise, tnk God for the world is now a global village but nothing can give back those years you missed watching ur children grow under YOUR OWN supervision.
The society is filled with too many uncultured, irresponsible, shallow, ill mannered children/youth/ adults today cos thier foundation was rotten as a result of the absence of both parents.
Please, dear think wisely, God expects you to be. what exactly is ur vision for ur family? Allow God lead you. You can still find fulfilment working from home for now & caring for ur kids. Find a way.
these children r ur future, if u want peace when u grow old, u better stay with them at ds early age.
Remember, however our kids turn out at the end, we answer to the ONE who put them in our custody...God. and the fear of Him is the beginning of wisdom.
Changing the world starts with our immediate family. The Lord is your strength.
Frm: a stay at home mum, happy & fulfilled.
U didt post my comment Linda ikeji!!!!!! That's y I HATE reading and commenting on ur blog!!!!!!! Wasted energy. I'm done here. Mschewww. If u like post, at least u hv digested it!
DeleteNice one. The greatest career anyone can boast of is a successful family. If you are pursuing a career in law,medicine,engineering,accountancy,digging into businesses,traveling for shows,musicians and actors inclusive,I don't see anything in these professions I mentioned as great if you don't have a full filed family.
DeleteYour husband probably want the best for the family you never know.
"Shallow people??".....I think that word "shallow" best describes the author of this COMMENT!!!
DeleteMy dear u can be workn n still hav ur kids. Am a mother of 3, 34yrs of age. My 1st Child is 6yrs and my last child wil be 2yrs in sept. I wok in a bank, I have a nanny and I bond well wit ma kids. I personally inspect dia homewok daily. Just follow ur hrt, don't let ur hubby influence u selfishly. But also rember dat family is alwaz 1st. But u can combine the two excellently.
ReplyDeleteCheers
Amara.
its not hw much he can provide for u or the family. its more about you as a person. the need to be happy and develop and challenge yourself and still have the joy of motherhood. evn after the kids r born n have started school, more attention needs to be paid on what they do especially i this very corupt age... evn kids know wat murder is. wats d point of being a bitter woman, wife and mother without any self esteem, always wishing u had sumthing more in ur life... my dear think well....the answer u seek is staring at u in d face.
ReplyDeleteWe've gotten very selfish cos of what we've seen happen to women who took care of kids and let careers slide.Find a balance dear work n care for ur babies.
ReplyDeleteTell him what you just wrote here...
ReplyDeleteShikena
ReplyDeletean American once said to me, and i quote "Nigerian women are very beautiful and desirable and smart. recognizable anywhere in d world. but they are quick to lose themselves and all they should be in life." i can never 4get that day. a frnd of mine is divorcing his co-law school wife bcos after law school, they got married, she stopped work, had a kid and does mad shopping and traveling while he goes 2 work and meets smart, intelligent, uglier than his wife women that evn the rich and old listen to them... EVENTUALLY, u will wish u did more wen u cld.... i learnt from my mother
ReplyDeletemadam,me personally cannot stay without working oh. so i suggest u get sometin doing certainly what will not take your time at all so u can have enough time for ur family. wisdom is profitable to direct oh.pls when u want to discuss with your husband make sure u are humble abt it.i wish you well and stay blessed.
ReplyDeleteHi dear,pls pray and have a nother discussion with your hubby and am sure God will touch him because its not an easy road i must say unless he was born into wealth then you can open ur own chambers or a consulting firm or any other enterprise where your interest lies. i married when i was unemployed but as God will have it, i got a job within a year of marriage and as @ then he takes care of all my needs but 3yrs down the lane,am now d 'breadwinner'and i believe things will soon turn out for good for him but picture the scenario of both of you out of job and with little ones to fend for??? i pray that the wisdom of God will rest on u and ur household ijn.
ReplyDeleteIts annoying when others want to Lord their decisions to housewives over others using the guilt trip, etc
ReplyDeleteThat said, Please dear woman, go back to work if you still have one waiting...
I did same with 2 children and believe me I regretted it, couldn't get a job for 5 yrs...now i do have one, and I can't tell you it has been easy but there is some extra strength that God grants us women and if you scratch the surface a little, you will find its there.
As for your husband, try to get him to agree with your going back to work and have a plan to juggle your responsibilities and know when to be 100% of each when it matters. Believe me, you will make some sacrifice and mistakes but you will definitely be better for them.
May God help you to find strength to make the right decision for you, Amen!
Your self esteem is fading away because you were told to care for your child? Can you tell your kids in future that you lost your self esteem caring for them? Who told you that becoming a successful lawyer will guarantee inner joy and fulfillment in future?
ReplyDeleteThe only reason women should be away from home/ work is to increase their chances of caring for their families in the event of loss of husband/ his job.
What does it profit you to amass all the wealth only for your child to be a ‘terrorist’ on the street of London? The pride/esteem of a mother is in her caring for her family. There is no job that can compare to the joy of being there for your kids (and not giving up your role to a nanny).
I am from a family of 6, and my mum raised us well and she was going to work too, but she was a God fearing christian, that was how she was able to overcome both, put it in prayer and you will see it through and I am a guy.
ReplyDeleteTO D ANONYMOUS STAY AT HOME MUM.....Plz u are entitled to ur opinion & u dont hv 2 call people shallow cuz dey hv a diff view 4rm urs.
ReplyDeleteD trends & times hv changed. One can still be a succesful career woman, excellent wife & loving mum. Its takes wisdom 2 merge all dese & at dsame time, its very possible. Staying at home dsnt go dwn well with every one. If it worked 4 u, it just mite not work 4 another. Trust me its Boring..
JOY
Plz my Sister...it ur husband u can talk to him and let him understand tht will not work out fine cos 5yrs no be small thing....
ReplyDelete@ sharon i'm sure you're still single,don't expect good advise from peoplelike you
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how people think a stay at home mom or like Nigerians would call it "full time house wife " involves cleaning cooking laundrying and doing housework from morning to night. Times have changed, stay at home moms don't stay at home doing all that. I am a stay a fabulous stay at home mom who shops, travels, and do anything I want. Ain't nobody got time for cleaning and cooking and all. Men are more respectful this days, and times have changed. For the fact he is bringing home the money does not mean he has power over you. Also, you and your spouse need to plan for the rainy days. Save save save. To each their own.
ReplyDeleteI'm a young mother and lawyer living in Lagos and I feel your pain. My advice is start with a small-medium level law firm during the years of child bearing and nursing, and then move on to a faster paced organization. If you leave work for the period ur husband suggests, I'm afraid u may never catch on. You'll probably loose the motivation!!! Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteplease, my candid advice as a wife,career woman & mother,please go back to work,if he is giving you all the millions you will be in obscurity.all he is saying is simply cos of his selfish reason so he can cut U off.pls kindly work n run ur home as well.it is an herculean task but you will be respected & appreciated.
ReplyDeleteFor the anonymous stay at home happy and fulfilled mum, i totally disagree with you. i have friends whose mothers worked since they were born and they all turned out right. my mum is a house wife, she also quit her job to have all her kids and nurture us cos my dad advised her to. when we were all of age, it was very difficult for her to get a job having spent all those years at home. Yes she loves us all dearly and she does not regret taking care of us, but i know there are sometimes she wishes she did not quit her job.
ReplyDeleteYou have to be open, at the end of the day if this is what you want to do (go back to work now) you have to convince him the idea is a good one. present to him the financial reasons why it makes sense and explain how for the sake of your self esteem it will be good for both of you, there is no point having a partner who is unhappy that just throws the balance of the relationship off. Think about all of these things then present it to him like it were a job presentation, he cant refuse a good presentation. Once you have him on your side then you can work on the inlaws and parents who are often the ones pushing more than the husband. Good luck and remember a good marriage is not about loosing yourself whilst making everyone else happy eventually the cracks to that start to show in resentment and acting out, whichever way that may be.
ReplyDeleteA note to woman and men, let the person you intend on marrying know how you feel before you marry, how many kids, will you stay at home, what will you be opened to. Things can change of course but don't compromise everything about you for what your feeling at the time you say 'I DO'
It can bring abuse and disrespect in if u are a housewife, pray to God and find a good nanny who can help, you are a lawyer and you need to be praticing, he will admire you more that you can juggle both things well. I am a doctor and the thought of me wasting all my college years to sit at home scared the hell out of me, I have 3 kids, working , a nanny and a cleaner, my children are living the best life that I and my husband can afford. What if your husband dies( God forbid) can you stand on your two feet. Please help yourself.Read Proverbs 31, that woman was successful.I wish you the best.
ReplyDeletesometimes its not about money as some people think, if you wish to develop a career, then its not a good idea to stay at home for like five years before getting a job. Things change and you cannot compete favourably with a fresh graduate who has the age advantage and possibly more informed. Motherhood is a worthy career though, if you are ok with it, please go ahead, all the best
ReplyDeleteI will suggest you go back to work in between having your kids, u never know, you can just become a long term decoration in your matrimonial home where you would have to depend on your husband for every damn thing. Also, having an aside business can be good, maybe your own law chambers to keep you updated on new laws and stuff.
ReplyDeleteAnother of the many scenarios women lawyers face. i have a lot of them as friends and i used to tell them while we were in law school that they may have to face that option. shes not alone in it, the dictum is that "if you leave law, law will leave u" . she has to decide and make a full swoop at it. family or career. truth is eitherway, none is totally bad. my advise, you cater for your family and do Pp (Personal Practice on the side).
ReplyDeletethis is not abt monthly salaries, or ur husband being rich. its abt u and u alone. Im talking out of xperience, sitting at home doing nothing just kills ur self esteem,u begin to lack behind n loose self confidence.
ReplyDeleteSo get ur ass up n be a working mum, u be will glad u did trust me.
pls go and get a job
ReplyDeleteYou need advice from the women. What makes you think that men cannot give you better advice. Anyhow, I'm a man, if you don't mind, this is my advice. Let your husband realized what it takes to stay at home, and plead with him to reason with you. All in all, go back to work as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteThis Linda you just like posting things that cause problems for families. And you know more ladies read your blog.Not every lady wants to make money like you ok. Some are ok with being the woman God created them to be... taking care of the family and being cherished by their husband and children.
ReplyDeleteGo and marry and stop bringing up stupid topics and claiming they are from LIB readers.
I think she should go back to work and leave her kids for nannies to breastfeed
I WONDER Y LIB READERS WILL LEAVE TOPIC AND START ANOTHER TOPIC, ANYWAY UNA DEY KEEP MY COMPANY
ReplyDeletewhat about reading on your free time?
ReplyDeletedon't stay home, if you think it will lead to resentment later. To rebuild yourself after such a long hiatus will take so much time. that is time you could be with your children when they are fully aware of your presence. in the next five years, if you stay with your firm, you wouldn't have to put in so much time to prove how good you are at your job.
ReplyDeleteStay with your job.
You better not fall into this trap! How long have you stayed at home that your self esteem is already vanishing? Wait until you have to ask him for money to buy sanitary pads!
ReplyDeleteYou are not raising invalids. A lot of women have combined their jobs with their families. My mom raised us as a working nurse and we turned out alright.
Granted, you might not be able to go far in your career or you might have to take a lower paying job/ lesser opportunity job just so you have the flexibility and time to raise your family, but it can be done.
There is more to working than amassing wealth. There's a satisfaction/ sense of dignity that going to work provides. This is not a diss at stay at home Mum's.
Lastly, the proverbs 31 woman that we all aspire to was a working mum. Not only was she working, she was an entrepreneur, mom, manager, and all!