Another email...
Let me rephrase that Toks. Should you marry a man who doesn't love you? I wouldn't! But that's me. I'm weird. Let regular folks answer that question for you. Over to you guys...!
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Should I marry a man who doesn't believe in love?
Let me rephrase that Toks. Should you marry a man who doesn't love you? I wouldn't! But that's me. I'm weird. Let regular folks answer that question for you. Over to you guys...!
dont sell urself short, walk away and dont look back...
ReplyDeleteAsk him why He has chosen to start a Family with 'you'.
ReplyDeleteLove is not the only reason to get married. Security could be a Factor, desire to reproduce could be another. So different strokes for different folks...
ReplyDeleteGet married for reasons that are right for you, not because of what society says. Love comes and goes btw, friendship, respect and ability to communicate doesn't...
Hmmm....so how does he plan on loving the kids when they arrive if he does not believe in the concept of "love"? He may be nice, responsible and have a good heart, but he clearly has unresolved issues within him that wud come out in full force when u two get married.
ReplyDeleteLet him work out his inner wholeness first b4 he puts another man's daughter into unnecessary wahala. Marriage already is not easy.
But that na my two cents, ask God, He'll definitely have something to say to you
I am a man who heard this first from my cousin when I was 17 and I got very confused. I knew something was not right but I could not figure it out. Anyways I kept my distance. I grew older, lived in various parts of Nigeria and now live abroad and have many friends from different walks of life and of diverse ethnicities/ races and all I can say to you is that love does exist. You are hanging out with the wrong kind of man and probably the wrong kind of crowd.... Do not put yourself in the position of desperation because of what society feels(naija I mean), even the bible talks about LOVE if you are christain. My advise to you is to get a hold of your emotions and take a hike from this control freak... sorry if you love him.The Truth as the cliché goes is bitter!
ReplyDeleteNo, don't marry such a man.
ReplyDeleteplease don't if he doesn't believe in love, it means he doesn't love you and there is no way you could change that. your life isn't a nolly/hoolywood movie where these kind of "impossibilities" turn to "possibilities".
ReplyDeletelike chidinma said, please don't sell yourself short. you are too good for that man.
by the way, he believes in love deep down inside of his so called hard exterior. he just hasn't meet THE ONE yet.
marriage is not the beginning and end of a woman. you would always get someone who loves you, cherishes you and wants to be with you everyday and is sooo glad to have you.
please SAY NO and go get yourself a HUMAN BEING because what you have is a SELF TRAINED ROBOT who has being hurt (all kinds) and is scared to put himself out there again.
To me I think he loves you but would rather not tell... Don't know if that makes sense...
ReplyDeleteif he treats u right why not. love is overrated.
ReplyDeleteA BIG FAT NO... if there is no LOVE.... what will keep y'all together when the challenges come...
ReplyDeleteplease don't if he doesn't believe in love, it means he doesn't love you and there is no way you could change that. your life isn't a nolly/hoolywood movie where these kind of "impossibilities" turn to "possibilities".
ReplyDeletelike chidinma said, please don't sell yourself short. you are too good for that man.
by the way, he believes in love deep down inside of his so called hard exterior. he just hasn't meet THE ONE yet.
marriage is not the beginning and end of a woman. you would always get someone who loves you, cherishes you and wants to be with you everyday and is sooo glad to have you.
please SAY NO and go get yourself a HUMAN BEING because what you have is a SELF TRAINED ROBOT who has being hurt (all kinds) and is scared to put himself out there again.
Love is overrated!! It doesn't have to be like the 'Nollywood- Emeka Ike and Rita Dominic kind of love before you say it is love. Perhaps he feels it but he doesn't want to agree that it is love.. Does he treat u nice? and like a lady? do you love him.. Those are the questions u should be asking....
ReplyDeleteWe were debating this the other day on my blog. Whether it was compulsoty to say I love you. Some might not believe in the words or saying it, but what do their actions say? There are books that provide questions you can ask to be sure if you two to live together as a married couple.
ReplyDelete@Chidimama,it doesn't matter because women will always sell themselves whether short or long.Marriage is a business arrangement and inviting love into it is being unreal. 9ja women know what they want and they go for it. If women are not materialistic like most of them claim, all the alayes in the streets of lagos would have married miss Nigeria.
ReplyDelete-Gbenga
sell urself short, dont walk away and look back.
ReplyDeleteI posted last comment.
ReplyDeletejust the rite guy 08062517510
ReplyDeleteI think the mis-understanding here is what this guy means by Love. Maybe he's referring to all the clinging he sees in the movies.
ReplyDeleteEvery human being loves someone or something.
For me, "Like" is a stronger feeling. Its more permanent and is the foundation for what we call Love, and if the foundation is right and strong, everything works well. If the guy is God fearing, not selfish or self-centred and treats her right, then she should marry him. She may turn out to have a better marriage than most people who started out clinging like what we see in the movies.
Some people might be lying blah blah blah dat love has definition, it is just God's devine nature btw mother and children, husband and wife etc which nobody can explain.
ReplyDeleteIn my own perspective, i think the Guy loves u but he doesn't want to accept that wot he felt for you was love which he can attribute to his own believe since he doesn't believe in the word "love", wot matter most is the cordial or mutual relationship btw both gender.
What if the guy is telling you that he loves you with his sugar-coated mouth and it doesn't reflect in his behaviour towards you.
D GUY IS JUST A LYER AND A FUCKIN ASSSHOLE
ReplyDeleteHmmmm some guys proposed "in love" and after marriage the lady became their most loved punching bag.
ReplyDeleteMy dear it depends on his character, His faith in God and Values and as someone said why did he choose you.
There is nothing like falling in love. Falling has always been a bad thing.
Growing in love is sweeter and if you marry him this could be the sweetest marriage ever. Especially if he is a good man who fears God.
i'm sorry but is dis really a question??...deep down inside u, u knows the answer to this question.u've probably heard people whine and complain about marrying the wrong person so really why would u want to follow the same path...So i'm guessing if u do eventually get married, give urself 6mths..u'll probably come on here again venting about how ur marriage has hit the skids or how ur husband doesnt give u the time of the day?....Please do the needful(DO NOT MARRY HIM)...u have a right to be happy, LOVED, Appreciated, so why settle for less.
ReplyDeleteMany of us don't knw d meanin of love. Which wuld u prefer? Wen a man repeatedly says "i love u" but beats u evriday or wen he says notin yet treats u wit care,honesty,respect,affection & evn adores u...ofcos ull choose d latter.
ReplyDeleteU women easily get carried away by wat u hear, but in reality wat matters is d DEED not empty WORDS. Many end up openin dia legs for mere words...*smh. Most tyms i refuse to admit dat am in love,but still i treat my woman better than wat u read in d fairy tales & sumtyms wen am filled wit so much emotions i tell her how much i love her wit all my heart. One may av feelins but refuse to admit it,but still express in ACTIONS...wit tym it comes out in WORDS. So pls,we all av our differences,atleast he was honest. Ask urself,does he av d qualities of respect,care,affection,sincerity,attention,romance...den its ok. Wat mataz is d friendship,compartibilty & understandin...bliv me dats wat kept many old folks together till today.D ACTION,not d WORDS...is LOVE.
Dats my dime,all in all...PRAY
Let us define "love" first. The Only love in existence is the bible love (agape love) all other love starts from liking the person and then loving the person.
ReplyDeletewhen i proposed to my wife,did i love her? NO
Did she love me?....i don't know/care
But now,i love her and every rubbish she does dearly.She is my friend and soulmate....
so if u dey wait for mills and boons, abi bones love before you marry.....dey there!
if there's one thing ive come to know is that advice is just other people saying out loud what you're already thinking. this girl already knows in her heart what she should do, and what she's going to do. the most important thing is that she be at peace with whatever decision she makes. i wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteif he doesn't love u then don't marry him cos he will throw u out 1 day.
ReplyDeleteTo the person who asked this question - You definitely know deep in your heart if he is the right person for you. For the guy to say he does not believe in love might mean that : 1, he has not found 'the one' he loves yet or 2, he's fighting whatever feelings he has for you. Pray about it, and ask God to give you direction.
ReplyDeleteThere is more to love than Hollywood/Bollywood/Nollywood abeg!!
To the person who asked this question - You definitely know deep in your heart if he is the right person for you. For the guy to say he does not believe in love might mean that : 1, he has not found 'the one' he loves yet or 2, he's fighting whatever feelings he has for you. Pray about it, and ask God to give you direction.
ReplyDeleteThere is more to love than Hollywood/Bollywood/Nollywood abeg!!
WHAT IS LOVE?
ReplyDeleteLinda ur really waiting for LOVE???SMH.Love is deep my dear,very very deep and i believe its only God that is capable of loving.
ReplyDeleteHuman beings are selfish by nature and can never love.That is one mistake people make over and over.
We claim to love someone when that person has got the looks, money, power, charisma and so on..that is not true love. Can you die for someone u claim to love??????(for God so loved the world that he died for our us.
A man can be on top of you and tell u he loves u a a million times lol,my dear he's just loving that p***y
Advice to all d single ladies...
Getting married because your inlove is not a good enough reason to marry.Women fall in love for so many reasons and it doesnt mean that the man they have fallen in love with, will be a good parter,choosing a good partner makes all the difference between having a harmoniuos marriage and a difficult marriage..
Question is how well can you work together for a life time???
*Had to write this, Linda and co need to know the home truth*
story!Just forming, I said so couple of times, but when i fell, i fell yakata in love. True story.
ReplyDeletesome people are just scared of showing it, but deep down they believe in it. Two can play dat game.
@ Uche,
ReplyDeleteHow does being sincerely honest about one's feelings make the guy a 'control freak'??? smh
If you are looking for someone that will express how they feel about you through both words and action then this is not the person for you. He has a right to feel how he feels, who knows what might have happened in his life but that is his personal truth which cannot be denied to him. You need to consider what is right for YOU! Ask yourself: WHAT IS MY DEAL BREAKER? WHAT CAN I LIVE WITH FOR THE NEXT 5, 10, 15, 20 YEARS? WHAT DO I WANT MY CHILDREN TO SEE THAT WILL INFLUENCE THEIR LIVES?
ReplyDeleteNo go follow people go enter trouble like the fly that followed the coffin to the grave O. You have one life to live, you need to live if fully or it would have been a waste.
Seek God's face, listen to your spirit and do what you feel is RIGHT FOR YOU and you alone!
Love is Overated Ojare! Love....love...love...loads of pol marry 4 love n yet na gbosa gbosa in the next few mnths or years. Marriage has loads of components. At least the guy is being real. Would u rather the Mr love that is a lie? Abeg let's get real with life as it is...still I love love. And if the guy says he doesn't belie e in love it doesn't stop him from caring 4 u...n if one cares 4 u wetin again. Love na word. Caring 4 smone is d real deal!
ReplyDelete@Gbenga: u re so on point. Hahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteAm very sorry to say that all of you are wrong because if this man did not love this gal in question he will not propose to her.
ReplyDeleteAgain if he did not love her, how does he intend to leave her in the same roof until death draws a line for them.
The guy or man is lying...
The man is lying
ReplyDeleteAm very sorry to say that all of you are wrong because if this man did not love this gal in question he will not propose to her.
ReplyDeleteAgain if he did not love her, how does he intend to leave her in the same roof until death draws a line for them.
The guy or man is lying...
Oga pls learn to write properly....
ReplyDeleteIlliterate wrote:
Many of us don't knw d meanin of love. Which wuld u prefer? Wen a man repeatedly says "i love u" but beats u evriday or wen he says notin yet treats u wit care,honesty,respect,affection & evn adores u...ofcos ull choose d latter.
U women easily get carried away by wat u hear, but in reality wat matters is d DEED not empty WORDS. Many end up openin dia legs for mere words...*smh. Most tyms i refuse to admit dat am in love,but still i treat my woman better than wat u read in d fairy tales & sumtyms wen am filled wit so much emotions i tell her how much i love her wit all my heart. One may av feelins but refuse to admit it,but still express in ACTIONS...wit tym it comes out in WORDS. So pls,we all av our differences,atleast he was honest. Ask urself,does he av d qualities of respect,care,affection,sincerity,attention,romance...den its ok. Wat mataz is d friendship,compartibilty & understandin...bliv me dats wat kept many old folks together till today.D ACTION,not d WORDS...is LOVE.
Dats my dime,all in all...PRAY
@ Anonymous 5:39...
ReplyDeleteHmmm...Linda pls permit me,how do u allow certain peeps access to your blog. Dey are simply pests. If not how would some Anonymous coward copy n paste someone's comment n tag it "illiterate"...*smh for you oh...My dear Anonymous,u dint profer any solutions by doin dat did u...so go sleep n stop hiding your foolishness under the cover of "anonymous"...lmao...ooops my bad
@ Anonymous 5:39...
ReplyDeleteHmmm...Linda pls permit me,how do u allow certain peeps access to your blog. Dey are simply pests. If not how would some Anonymous coward copy n paste someone's comment n tag it "illiterate"...*smh for you oh...My dear Anonymous,u dint profer any solutions by doin dat did u? U obviosly av ₪☺ idea of d topic in qstn...so go sleep n stop hiding your foolishness under the cover of "anonymous"...lmao...ooops my bad
@ Anonymous 5:39...
ReplyDeleteHmmm...Linda pls permit me,how do u allow certain peeps access to your blog. Dey are simply pests. If not how would some Anonymous coward copy n paste someone's comment n tag it "illiterate"...*smh for you oh...My dear Anonymous,u dint profer any solutions by doin dat did u? U obviosly av ₪☺ idea of d topic in qstn...so go sleep n stop hiding your foolishness under the cover of "anonymous"...lmao...ooops my bad
@Just being honest, ur a very smart person..love your sense of reasoning
ReplyDeletewho cares about love..d most importan t thing is u re marrried.wat if he didnt open up and pretended to love u.marry him so the society can respect u as a married woman and a mother.the man that love u might not want marriage u cant have two things at a time in this life of nowadays.if u wait for love u will die old and lonely..lol
ReplyDeleteMy name is Segun balogun, and I called that guy an illiterate. You have my name, do u also need my number or address?
ReplyDeleteI'll be glad to meet you face to face so u can call me a pest if you dare.
No rules for grammar exist here, but that guy's writing was simply atrocious!
well, love is a relatively new concept- in the past, parents arranged their children's marriage without giving much thought to love because they knew that love was not what marriage was all about- marriage is the joining together of two people in holy matrimony- love flows naturally. there are different types of love- the love that a man will have for his children will not be what he has for his wife or children. if the man treats you right and respects you, that is a lot more important than love. Remember, love does not put food on the table!
ReplyDelete@segun balogun,shut up there!!!!!foolish man
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with the guy. He is just GAY, and afraid to come "out of the closet". He hopes that by marrying a woman, his "gayish" feelings will disappear, or people will stop suspecting him.
ReplyDelete"My name is Segun Balogun" yet he's still Anonymous...hmmm,its like this man (if he's a MAN ohhh) is on drugs...what a shame.
ReplyDeleteAm disgusted because we still don't know what you've contributed to the issue at hand. Guy we would all appreciate if you start being creative or simply STAY AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD!!!
Much love folks...
I just gave my name, do you need my number too? Is that it?
ReplyDeleteHere are my #s... Etisalat Nil Seven Nil Five Three Six Eight Nine Six Three
Call me anytime, if my phone is on, I'll pick up and then we'll see who is anonymous and who isn't...
Wrong number (10digits,instead of 11) by the way,who gives numbers with 'nil'? Nil aint 'zero' it means 'space' 'blank' ...pls quit embarrassing yourself on blog. Me & my peeps are busy having a good laugh here. I love your sense of humour, but its not fair to have cheap fun at your expense & disadvantage. Again, take my advice & stay FAR from your keyboard.
ReplyDeleteLmao...
@deeflamez,i love u man,@balogun or whatever u call urself,ur just a wacko!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete