'I felt ashamed as a woman after I lost my baby' Bez' wife Bolatito opens up on painful loss | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Tuesday 29 September 2015

'I felt ashamed as a woman after I lost my baby' Bez' wife Bolatito opens up on painful loss

Today, I watched Bolatito Idakula, wife of singer Bez Idakula speak on the loss of her child and I could almost feel her pain through the TV. She was a guest on Moments on EbonyLife TV where she talked about how she dealt with the loss of the baby girl who died just a day after she was born in May this year, and dealing with the pain and disappointment that came afterwards.

Bolatito, who was sometimes in tears while narrating her experience, said she felt a little ashamed initially for not succeeding at childbirth unlike most of her friends who had successfully given birth before. I recorded her interview and transcribed some of the things she said after the cut...



"I felt like I lost a battle. Maybe I focused on the wrong things. I thought about the people that will have negative things to say. I had a bit of shame which is what happens to a lot of women,. They feel ashamed and a lot of my friends had had children successfully. So I thought why am I not the one having a child successfully? These were the things going through my mind. So I was very ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed. I felt like I lost a battle and I remember I was told that in this world, we are fighting a war and there are many battles in the war. but guess what, you have lost this battle, you will win the war. and I just held on to that and even till today I have held on to that, that I will win this battle and I will win this war"she said
On whether she suffered any form of blame game after the incident, Bolatito said she did initially, asking herself if there was something she did wrong while she was pregnant. The doctors reassured her it was nothing she did. It was a medical condition that was detected while she was pregnant.

Mrs Idakula said some relations even asked her if she drank while she was pregnant, while some questioned her about her lifestyle. Bolatito however says she got over the blame game by talking it through with her husband, writing a lot and also seeing a life coach. She said talking and writing about it was good therapy for her and her story helped other women who were going through same.

On how she and her husband got through the experience, she said the grace of God and the fact that they were best friends
"Once again it is God's grace. My husband and I are friends. We are best friends. We could literally talk as friends, so there wasn't anytime I felt I couldn't be myself. We also understood each other. We deal with things differently. So I still had to do what I needed to do while he needed to do what he needed to do. We understood each other from our friendship"she said
She said she hopes to get pregnant again and hopes for the best the next time around.

61 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Time and again, as d saying goes mak hay while d sun shine. Ladies per use ur time judiciously while u r still younng so dat there wouldn't b regret later in life.

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    2. Time and again, as d saying goes mak hay while d sun shine. Ladies per use ur time judiciously while u r still younng so dat there wouldn't b regret later in life.

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    3. Nothing to be ashamed of dear. You'll have kids that will live henceforth.

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    4. God knows best


      OKORO UPGRADED

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    5. It is well. God will do it for you again and again dear and you will testify. Just take heart and give God the glory, no matter the circumstances.






















      #TeamBlessed#

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    6. Eyi to da ni olorun mashey

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    7. Ehyah! I can relate. U just don't get over it.

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    8. Madam Idakula don't worry about it. The next time you'll have twins. God will surely give you a big testimony.

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  2. Aww I felt her pain, there's nothing to be ashamed of,God knows better. Just remain $ strong and focus.

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  3. her story is very painful I ready the story on dis blog olaniyidavid71@yahoo.com

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  4. Aww I felt her pain, there's nothing to be ashamed of,God knows better. Just remain strong and focus.

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  5. There's nothing to be ashamed of my Dear. Linda take note!

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  6. Eiya











    #IT will ONLY get BETTER
    #it MUST end IN praise

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  7. Abeg make she stay one side jare...... Jor oh

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    Replies
    1. May you never have to find yourself in this situation and hear someone tell you to "stay one side jare". From your comment, you're certainty an immature kid who certainly doesn't have a kid yet and probably is not even due for marriage. Gird your guts that you may not regret irretrievably. #voiceofamother

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    2. Oya lick honey mixed with brown sugar. Oloriburuku somebody

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  8. God will do it for you ma. It shall be double for your trouble... Amen!

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  9. Hmm its never easy to lose anyone,a child or a mother.

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    Replies
    1. Have you lost your mum ? If so sorry about it Bonita.

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  10. God will give her another one.

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  11. awww! so heart-rendering. God will give you another child dear.


    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

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    Replies
    1. Bonario do you even know when to use the word heart-rendering? Go look up the meaning and its application properly.

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  12. Time and again, as d saying goes mak hay while d sun shine. Ladies per use ur time judiciously while u r still younng so dat there wouldn't b regret later in life.

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    Replies
    1. So Mr man, what is this your comment supposed to mean?



















      #TeamBlessed#

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    2. I don't know why u always sound so stupid, Get a life!!

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    3. Very disappointing comment. Please stop being so ignorant and disrespectful at some else's loss. Same goes for you Obietrezy. Smh!

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    4. And how is this your comment related to this post? What is this? What are you insinuating?

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  13. May God bless you Royal Priest,take heart woman,God is an awesome God,you shall have triplet IJN. TIMILEYIN BLESSING

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  14. For you shame, you will have double Isaiah 54

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  15. Sorry Dear! I can feel your pain! http://www.bummyla.com

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  16. It's a very painful experience, I and my wife have gone through it four times, the last one was twins, after days and all the incubator nonsense, just to save their lives but still we lost them....

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    Replies
    1. I am very sorry to hear that. I also suffered a loss at 16weeks. The pain is unbearable. I can't imagine what you and your wife may have gone through. My heart goes out to you

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    2. It is well with you
      Please be strong for each other

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  17. We act like we re Americans dat go through traumas such thing happens to most women and they move on, while hold on to something dat has pass and make people as someone wick madam if u want publicity talk and let d issue died Abi ewo ni karamo gan

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    Replies
    1. May you never experience what she experienced. If talking about it helps her heal, let her talk

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    2. May b it has never happened to u b4, then u wud knw u nvr really move on. We don't just talk about it. May u nvr have to know such pain. U sound very ignorant n childish. U shud probably spend more time brushing up ur grammar, got headache trying to decipher all d nonsense u wrote.

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    3. May you experience it soon and let see if you will move on

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    4. May you experience it soon and let see if you will move on

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    5. May you experience it soon and let see if you will move on

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    6. May you experience it soon and let see if you will move on

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    7. You are a very stupid person...may you experience such and never get any sympathy...bastarrd

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  18. May the baby that died not be your last mrs. bolatito. IJN. I had to comment cos she got my mom name and she also her first child before my older sisternow for 6 months. what a Great was it 4 her. As a man with no wife and child, i can join to share the pain losing one without being married.

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  19. @Royal Priesthood, what is the point of your comment on this story? You lack intelligence and insist on the world knowing just how dumb you are with your dumbass comments.

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  20. Abeg dis Bez wife werin happen, Pple dey loss babies everyday person hear word. Y is urs such a Headline. Abeg take dis time Ure using 4 unnecessary popularity to screw ur Huby well n stop d Propaganda na Hm b say if na Twins na CNN we 4 dey hear am everyday. Mchewww

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  21. Abeg dis Bez wife werin happen, Pple dey loss babies everyday person hear word. Y is urs such a Headline. Abeg take dis time Ure using 4 unnecessary popularity to screw ur Huby well n stop d Propaganda na Hm b say if na Twins na CNN we 4 dey hear am everyday. Mchewww

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  22. Lot of insensitive comments here, @Eniola wanted to pray for u but let me jus say may u never experience such thing cos am sure u are talking out of immaturity, something that has passed? U carried a pregnancy for nine months, u have bought baby things, made plans went to the hospital to go and give birth and u came back empty handed with no baby, that's one of the worst kind of pain for a mother, even if the pain goes u can never forget, @eniola u will know the karamo if it ever happens to u.

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  23. Joy cometh in the morning my dear. ... its well.... The sun will shine again

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  24. Eyahhhhh!! Mr.Ogbodu Kingsley if u can read this. Plz continue to be a pillar to ur wife just like u have alwz been, she must be going through a very hard time. Its not going to tarry anymore dearie. God is surely going 2 do it for guys in Jesus name!! AMENNN!!! Babies shall surround ur table. I'm just so touched. God bless ur family!!!

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  25. of course she will loose her baby, her father is a thief and big Fraud star.
    her father did no primaries for his pary ACCORD, and in the process my aunt died MRS BOLA AMOLE, a very nice and big woman in england and respected by all.
    so of course your family will reap what they sow.
    YOUR Father RASHID Ladoja caused your BABAY DEATH BOO...

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  26. @eniola Lawal if you watch the moments show you will know they call people to talk about their experiences to help other people... Does she look like someone craving for fame? You are the fame hungry one!!!!!!!!! Anyways God would help you not to feel any Loss. Sad human Being...

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  27. Wow. Pple can be so insensitive. Smh

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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the comment writers alone and does not reflect or represent the views of Linda Ikeji.

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