Letter to future husband (the world is easier for men) by Joy Oforka

Article written by Joy Oforka...you've read her other articles before on LIB. Read below...

Dear Future Husband,
Let me move a little closer so I can whisper this story to you. Rhoda married her husband after knowing him for seven years and dating him for four. Sure, their relationship was laced with the occasional couples' misunderstandings but it was beautiful enough that when wedding bells were heard, people said they couldn't have been better paired. After three years of marriage and two daughters, Rhoda found out what every woman knows is common but wishes not to be told - her husband was cheating on her.

Rhoda has left their house with their two daughters. She now speaks to him of divorce through her lawyer. To those who speak to Rhoda of reconciliation and forgiveness, she replies, "How do you forgive a man who cheated on you with a  man?"

That rhetorical summary of her deep hurt most times forces even the best orators to an understanding silence. But there are still some others who disregard the question entirely and tag Rhoda's reaction as "pure folly". They say, "Only a proud fool would reject her husband's apology and promise of a new start even when kids are involved". These are the same people who maintain that a man who still accepts his wife after finding her in a compromising position with another man is mercy personified. Dearest, I am stupefied. Rhoda's husband not only cheated, but with a man.

You see, dear husband, the world is a lot easier for men. Here's another example. Not long ago, some people were justifying a man who cheated on his pregnant wife. They said sex with a pregnant woman wasn't enjoyable. It makes me wonder: if women are told to avoid things that would lead their husbands to cheat, should they avoid getting pregnant so they could give him sex? If she doesn't get pregnant, she's a witch. If he cheats, she should understand?

I could offer more instances to support my claim. I could tell you of the gender-based variations in sanctions for the same offence; that where men are excused, women are ridiculed; that for every demand made of men, five more are made of women; that the women's list of dos and don'ts makes nothing of the men's list; that there is so much to tell were words enough. Funny how one genital organ at birth could make such a difference.

Though it is the majority's perception, I hope we would be different. I hope we get to teach our kids by words and deeds that rights are not demanded or wrongs justifiable on the basis of gender. There is a great difference between what is and what should be. I hope that my hopes are not too much to hope for. I  hope, dearest husband, we don't settle for good when we can have better.

With Love,
Your Future Wife.