Singleton
Every now and then, I meet and get messages, from ladies, who either lost their jobs, widowed, pregnant and no job, the guy who impregnated them absconded, or is around but doesn't give a hoot, or working but can't meet the financial demands of raising kids on their own, or the guy agreed to having the babies and to support with their upkeep... But things happened and he couldn't come through with the promised support. Continue
Single mothers are increasing in numbers consequent on one or two of the reasons mentioned above. And this always makes me ask, is it not possible to avoid being caught up in some of these tough situations? I know its impossible to know if you will be a widow and left with 2 or 3 kids to raise by yourself, as a mother. But when it happens, what is the solution?
Some ladies just want to have kids, because they attended a birthday party and they saw Kemi with her 2 lovely kids. They also know Kemi has no visible source of income. Wake up!!!!! Kemi has sources of income. Ruff n Tumble DOESNT dash kids clothes weekly... To be honest, you don't want to know what she does to make those kids look desirable enough to make you want to have yours. Maybe Kemi has a job. Maybe she has a rich husband. Or maybe she has a loaded boyfriend. Saved up wealth. She could be the "saving grace" of a guy who has been looking for a child. She may have rich parents. She could be a surrogate mum. Who bore the kids and is caring for the kids for the true parents.... Maybe, just maybe...
But, hey, nobody can stop you from wanting to have your own child or children. You ought to. And if they don't come naturally, adopt. There is no issue with that. Only problem is, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE CHILD OR CHILDREN YOU PLAN TO BRING INTO THE WORLD? What are your plans towards taking care of them as they grow... Knowing that it cost more to bring a child up now than it did when our parents had us. That is not to say it was any easy on our parents. But hey, kids' fees these days for a single school term, is a total of alllllllllllllll our primary up to university fees, plus allowances.
So lets say your bobo agrees to you getting pregnant. And you got pregnant. And he bails on you. What will you do? Lets even suppose you have a job. What will you do when you resume after your maternity leave... Good Nannies cost a lot. Bad nannies even cost more. Minimum subscription for a nanny now is about 25k... That DOESNT include her upkeep and consumables... Abi she no go dey chop for the house?
Okay... Before you guys begin to say WHATS ali baba's own sef... Let me just say, I get whatsapp, twitter, Facebook and text messages from single ladies who are pregnant or have kids, but do not know what to do to take care of themselves, not to mention the kid or kids they have... Because of some of the reasons I mentioned in my first paragraph. I have helped when I could and advised when it's advice they want. But, with the access and opportunities social media has opened up, these request for assistance based on the challenges of raising kids by single mothers, have become a regular feature in my inbox, DM, whatsapp and even one on one.
So I ask again, what can single ladies do, that will prepare them for when the kids come and there is no bobo, sugar daddy, father, husband or the equivalent... Or do to support what she earns even when there is such a person who is a significant other?
DONT get me wrong o... There are ladies who can hold their own and even still put the guy who they are with on a monthly allowance. They are not "among of" what I am about here. So zip it.
I know someone will think I have nothing to do, that's why I am writing this... But trust me. There is an epidemic out there. It's not EBOLA but single ladies are going through this daily. And it's how to be a single mum and still hold your head high in the face of school fees, house rent, parental demands, sibling responsibilities, looking good, career pursuit, peace of mind, remain sexy and responsible,...
You may call me whatever... But soon you will be wondering why abandoned children are flooding orphanage homes..
True word
ReplyDeleteGood nannies cost a lot. Bad nannies even cost more ...
DeleteVery well said Ali baba
ReplyDeleteAnd what's wit all dis " call me whatever u like" or u may think am jobless that's why am writing" am sensing u cum here to read all d comments written about u each time linda posts any news. U must be a liber, pls dnt make it too obvious . U talk tru but why are de sending u messages? Only u? Are u counselllor? Liar! Ur referring to someone joor..... Pack! U talk too much!!!!!!!
DeleteAll good, don't even know how u helped in this one oo..
ReplyDeleteToo long. *yawn*
ReplyDeleteThis "singleton" ish is really an epidemic. God help women!
ReplyDeleteHe is so rite! Dats y av promised myself dat I would make sure am very capable of caring 4 my child financially well b4 I attempt 2 evn try it. I don't want a situation whrby my kids will av 2go tru half of wat I did. Or dat my kids will b asking me y I brought dem 2 d world knowning well I couldn't takia of dem! So, help me God! Tufiakwa!
ReplyDeleteI think he's making some sense.
ReplyDeleteHe is
Deletetrue talk brother.especially among female celebs.
ReplyDeleteTrust me the rate of single parents now is alarming,the cause being mainly divorce.
ReplyDeleteAfter elaborate wedding ceremony,and sharing the lovely pix of engagement on the net,one begins to wonder how hate grew more instead of love. Asides the stress that the parents in charge of the kids inherited,the situation does the kids no good.
The institution of holy matrimony is a sacred one,deserving only those prepared for the challenge ahead.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
Tell them Bonario... Winks*
DeleteWow good to know
ReplyDeleteCldnt read d epistle though bu it starts from d CELEBRITIES @ D TOP...
ReplyDeleteAligbogbom! God bless you for hitting this nail on the head...!
ReplyDeleteGirls,women pls take it easy with men...many of them are as cunning as the devil!
Aligbogbom! God bless you for hitting this nail on the head...!
ReplyDeleteGirls,women pls take it easy with men...many of them are as cunning as the devil!
dondumex.com
I don't see anything in the piece that states how the challenges can be overcome. He was basically being critical and not advice.
ReplyDeleteMy point exactly, I was waiting for his solution on how to overcome the epidemic of single motherhood but there was nothing. I think the point of discussion should be on birth control, i think young people and even older adults both male and female should be educated about the consequences of unprotected sex. I'm not even sure we Nigerians talk about sex candidly as we should, sex is a pleasurable experience as we all know but there are great responsibilities involved in bringing up a baby that wasn't even planned for. Especially in the economic state Nigeria is in at the moment, I think people need to be thoughtful about consequences and practice safe sex. NO ONE WANTS TO BRING UP A CHILD THEY CAN'T FEND FOR.
DeleteThis is a very delicate issue. It is every woman's dream to be married .
ReplyDeleteAli baba is gradually going crazy
ReplyDeletethoughtful
ReplyDeleteBORN TO SHINE!!!!!
True talk my brother.
ReplyDeleteGreat one From the Master himself. Sir your thoughht Na your thought You no force Am for there throt...
ReplyDeleteImmanuel
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Great one From the Master himself. Sir your thoughht Na your thought You no force Am for there throt...
ReplyDeleteImmanuel
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Preach it brother!...truth is don't try bringing a child forth if there are obvious challenges of not being able to carter for such child. Single mothers have a special strength they alone can express.
ReplyDeleteGreat one From the Master himself. Sir your thoughht Na your thought You no force Am for there throt...
ReplyDeleteImmanuel
7f0C82D9 pls add on bbm
Pls Add me on bbm Immanuel 7F0C82D9
ReplyDeleteBest write up I've read in a long time
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteShutup pls..ur just an ignoramus ..go n sleep with ur stupid analysus
DeleteAnon *abi na pple from ur village dey tortori ur image dah side why are u so pained like ur late dad #hved removed it na, u see ursf actin like a mad man or woman now hw does it feel.
DeleteHe's right. #zip it# *** CROWD * PULLER * PLEASER***#
ReplyDeleteHow to avoid being a single mum: close your legs unless he's your husband. That is all.
ReplyDeleteKimmy*****
Dem ladies are causing it for demselves
ReplyDeletePls visit my shoe blog
www.glowysofiscated.blogspot.com
Food for thought without water...
ReplyDelete#baby mamas day
True talk. But someone needs to tell the men to stop being wusses and step up to their responsibilities.
ReplyDeletehttp://journalofapetitediva.blogspot.com
Kemi! I know of a kemi with a rich husband and I envy her. U 7
ReplyDeleteCould this be Linda's blog loading so fast? This is a miracle
ReplyDeleteLinda am enjoying this your blood...loading sharper sharper
ReplyDeleteThe truth just like alomo
ReplyDeleteIt is for this same reason that women will die and do anything to get married. Challenges come to everyone single and married.I have more respect for the single woman who plays the role of a provider and care giver, that's a role that A LOT of men can not fit into, so if you find single women going through a tough time, the best you can do is to help her stand, its a phase in her life.
ReplyDeleteShaaataaap, bottom line let her close her legs until she's married. Is being a single mom a way to show how strong one is??? #sidechic
DeleteI soo agree with you on this! Ladies need to wake up and stop allowing these riffraffs put them in such situations. Its so disgusting that the norm now is get pregnant then marry or not even marry at all or already have a child for a different man. Where have our values gone? Back in the days you never could try it. It was seen as an abomination to get pregnant out of wedlock but now the society has accepted it with wide arms. Of which there were more responsible guys back in the days than these young quick money finding yahoo plus boys that have no positive vision for their lives talk less of yours that you open up your legs to and then they dump you after and even discard the offspring. Ladies please and please wake up open your eyes and senses, set goals for yourselves and don't let it get terminated by one nuisance that doesn't even understand himself!
ReplyDeleteWhy will u get a baby wen u r nt married n why will u get married wen u can't take kia of a family na govt go train am? Abeg ladies should pack well o for d ladies who r widowed get a gud job. manner no dy fall again o good samaritans av all gone back to sameria so bucckle up. As a single lady u should nt plan on being a liability to ur future husband o my broda must marry a gal who z educated , working and Godfearing among other Good characters . Nobody dy settle for liabilty nw o me my dad z still alive buh I tell u wen u dy call single moda's I will ask my mum to join d line ! Buh am still living fyn all credits to my mum so no take say u b widow give excuse . And for d single ladies who think being a baby mama z d trend no worry God d see u!
ReplyDelete'YOUR BROTHER MUST', is he marrying for you abi na you go pay the bride price??? Park well abeg madam pearl gold, yeye dey smell.
DeleteSmall pikin talk, widow go & get work like say work dey easy to get. Continue to rush ur mouth after all ur mama still dey feed you.
DeleteWell said.
ReplyDeleteI pray that God should strenghten all them single momas and provide for them......in Jesus name amen
ReplyDeleteAli Baba, did you think all of these when you had children from 3 different women? When people are successful they will start sounding off. Abegi...You are lucky that your bow legged baby mama was steadfast and free die. That is why you have the audacity to come here and mouth off. Did you think of this 12 hers ago...Onye ogaziri nwe mba. They will survive just as the women you got pregnant survived when you were playing bobo with sugar mummy and didn't care about them. Adviser!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha... I stopped at good nannies cost a lot, and bad nannies even cost more. That was the highlight for me. Too funny
ReplyDeleteOur cultural values already answer in a major way some of the questions here. Before we started going crazy about white monogamy culture, our traditional polygamy settings took care of husbandlessness. People who engage in such things then were well to do businessmen and professionals who saw to it that their women and children were sorted. Similarly, in the case of widowhood, the woman will either go and remarry, probably a married man, after mourning and other formalities, or the extended family will take responsibility for the upkeep of the children. It worked for us then, even though with its own challenges, but they weren't anything we couldn't manage. It was the whites who came with their religion and started magnifying the negative aspect of our culture. Most of what you observed are prevalent in the southern part of the country. In the north, these stuffs are limited to so-called educated women who again are running away from their tradition.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the point of writing about women being left to bear the burden of child rearing alone if it's to scold them like they made the baby by themselves? How about a message to the men to handle their responsibilities? Or ask the justice system to put in place laws that give women more rights to garnish the wages of men who bail?
ReplyDeleteI think d ladies r d cause. Bt I love ur boldness to express ur feelings. Its gud
ReplyDeleteTIIIIAAAAUN. ALI BABA DON GBAGAUN. NA EPIDEMY. there is epidemy of single mothers. Overall you make good analogy and sense bro.
ReplyDeletehmmm
ReplyDeleteTrue Talk, Baba!
Good talk Ali Baba. Example is better than precept though; How many women have children for you out of wedlock Ali Baba?
ReplyDeleteThere is an epidemic of single mums out there but the article has not thought us how to deal with the situation or am I missing something?
ReplyDeleteAlibaba should go n sit down...has he forgotten so soon how he impregnated a lady way back without marrying her?....he later moved in with an aristo maama for many years...he just recently left his old mama n married his baby mama...does not know what she would have been through during those years he abandoned her?....he is here talking jazzz like a saint...no shame
ReplyDeleteWise words from a decent man. JL
ReplyDeleteAli baba you contributed to some single mothers
ReplyDeleteDon't critisize a single mother because you are happily married nor talk down on poor Man because you are rich,planet Earth is mysterious than we all thought.Some Issue are beyond human comprehension,it has been since the Creation of the Wold and so it shall be when our generation are no more in Existence. LENTULUS BATIATUS
ReplyDeleteDon't critisize a single mother because you are happily married nor talk down on poor Man because you are rich,planet Earth is mysterious than we all thought.Some Issue are beyond human comprehension,it has been since the Creation of the Wold and so it shall be when our generation are no more in Existence.Help those in such situation if you can afford,some issue are meant to be left the way they are. LENTULUS BATIATUS
ReplyDeletePlanet Eart is mysterious than what ordinary Eyes can see outright,it was created for different things to transpire and some of this Issue are damn beyond human comprehension.Those points we are all raising has been in existence since the day of Adam and so it will continue till eternity.Journey of individual is different,never judge a single woman for her predicament because you are happily married nor chastise a poor man because you are rich.The way of God is mysterious. LENTULUS BATIATUS
ReplyDeleteAlibaba is part of the problem too in the past,he left is present Wife with Kids to run after Dstv Woman for so many years ,during the period was or did he provide child support or left everything in his Wifes Hand?. What was he thinking them,so that men who are running away from their responsibility now ,can learn from his past mistake since he was fast ,but not really fast cha to fix it and return back to True LOVE. - Ronke Baby
ReplyDeleteAli Baba well said. However, you just went ahead listing the issues. A good leader wouldn't just see problems but profer solutions yeah. So I'll be expecting a Part 2 of Singleton stating proffered solutions. We all need help in one way or the other whether you be Single or Married. Happy Sunday y'all.
ReplyDeletepearl pls shut up and comment like u have sense.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
ReplyDeleteLet them be opening their pussies 24/7. Most of them get pregnant for married men.
ReplyDeleteThe Lord gives grace sufficient for TODAY. So the Master teaches us Christians not worry about tomorrow - what to eat, what to drink, what to wear. It displeases God.
ReplyDeleteThe Master teaches us to live by faith and to trust in the Lord God our provider, Jehovah Jireh. To seek His kingdom, to walk in righteousness and all these things will be provided us.
Oh, does that mean that we do nothing and everything will fall in our laps?
NO. I am learning that we love God by obeying Him; we walk in love with our fellowmen; we give first place to God and the things of God and He will order our thoughts, direct our steps and cause us to triumph always.
Suppose we miss it and are now in lack? We repent, change our ways, get back in the will of God and He will forgive us. He cannot do otherwise because it is not in His nature - God is MERCIFUL.
- AE
He raised a question in the 2nd paragraph..I scanned down for his opinion of possible solution, only for him to raise same question in the 7th paragraph. So what's the point of the treatise on single mom? Anyone? Or is it just a poser? Or an attempt by the author reveal his charitable side.
ReplyDeleteHere in the US, single motherhood its a rule rather than an exception (okay, i may have exaggerated a bit) and the financial burden is passed down to the govt and the partner(boyfriend/ex-husband/estranged husband) in the form of social welfare and alimony.
How about we push for social welfare, medicaid, wic, free tuition in elementary/high schools, food-stamps, tax relief, and other programs to support
struggling single mothers. We can also enforce the spousal support law(it it exists) and demand for an amendment in our civil laws (if it don't). Like many suggested that the buck stops with the single moms, lets say i agree but will buck passing stop this 'epidemic'? Hell no!
We need strong institutions, better institutions and we're not getting it unless we demand for it! So save the energy you use in blaming single moms to DEMAND ACTION FROM YOUR GOVERNMENT.
One major factor dat us contributing to dis is the desperation on the part of ladies to "settle" down,,and maybe fortunately/unfortunately she get pregnant for one dude who along d line discovers he cnt keep up wt responsibility nd so absconds.
ReplyDeleteStupidity is when you write an article, discussing why something is a big issue, but then you don't offer any solutions!!! Stupidity is when you are condemning women for being single mothers, when you yourself have a lot of baby mamas all over Nigeria!!! Stupidity is when you are jobless and bored out of your senses, and then decide to talk on an issue that is so prevalent, and yet since you don't have a solution, you decide to make a lot of noise!!! Ali Baba is a very stupid and retarded man, if women closed their legs, what of the men sleeping with them, have they not heard of condoms!!! Why is it that in Africa, every conceivable issue is always blamed on the women folk, some of you men are disgusting pigs and beasts, who feel that being a man is about sleeping around with all types of ladies, and getting them pregnant, and once you hear that she is pregnant you abscond and run offer, to prey on the next victim!!! Seriously Nigeria has now become like the Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah, if you are not emotionally, financially, mentally, spiritually and physically ready to take care of a child, then men and women, don't bring a child into this world to come and suffer, fucking bastards and bitches smh!!! Whizman
ReplyDeleteStupidity is when you write an article, discussing why something is a big issue, but then you don't offer any solutions!!! Stupidity is when you are condemning women for being single mothers, when you yourself have a lot of baby mamas all over Nigeria!!! Stupidity is when you are jobless and bored out of your senses, and then decide to talk on an issue that is so prevalent, and yet since you don't have a solution, you decide to make a lot of noise!!! Ali Baba is a very stupid and retarded man, if women closed their legs, what of the men sleeping with them, have they not heard of condoms!!! Why is it that in Africa, every conceivable issue is always blamed on the women folk, some of you men are disgusting pigs and beasts, who feel that being a man is about sleeping around with all types of ladies, and getting them pregnant, and once you hear that she is pregnant you abscond and run offer, to prey on the next victim!!! Seriously Nigeria has now become like the Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah, if you are not emotionally, financially, mentally, spiritually and physically ready to take care of a child, then men and women, don't bring a child into this world to come and suffer, fucking bastards and bitches smh!!! Whizman
ReplyDeleteWhen I read some comments,I want to weep.This silly anonymous person calling Ali baba names.its cause of pple like you that women are called names.how many men are saddled with kids after impregnating women?its the women who end up taking care of the kids and the men show up once in a while that is if they show up.The truth is always bitter to swallow.....women should learn to become more responsible and wake up.They shd stop letting men take advantage of them....if you want to be opening your legs for every Tom and Harry as you claim men do and it's equal rights,pls go ahead but pls stop whining and complaining when you have to face the consequence.
ReplyDeleteplease...having a child is not the only way a woman becomes a single mother.what about the millions of men that use divorce or seperation as an excuse not to provide for thier children as a means of punishing thier mother and the mans friends and family encourage him.
ReplyDeleteafter the woman may have toiled to bring up the children by any means neccesary sometimes even selling her dignity or soul just to make ends meet,the man will now show up claiming the children as his...or havent you heard stories where the man will now say "let the children follow thier mother when it is time they will come look for me thier father" i personally know of a case where the lady was being battered by the husband after taking it for 3 yrs she left with her child,the child was 1 year old then till today the man has not even once looked for the child,the child does not know he has a father,this man has a family who has refused to caution him,he has a mother who calls herself a woman,yet they sit by and allow such wickedness..look humans can be so wicked thats all i will say.my advise to women out there is to prepare yourself financially make sure you have a source of income and work tirelesly to increase that source of income no matter what..THEY ARE REAL MEN AND THEY ARE STUPID MEN...YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW WHAT PEOPLE CAN DO UNTIL THEY ARE TESTED..THAT MAN MAY BE A PRETENDER IF YOU GUYS HAVE ISSUES,HAVING KIDS AND CARING FOR THEM AFTER THE RELATIONSHIP ENDS IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BOTH PARENTS..AL WE SEE ARE SINGLE MOTHERS...HOW MANY SINGLE FATHERS DO WE SEE?THAT SHOULD TELL YOU HOW PATHETIC SOME SO CALLED FATHERS CAN BE...
True.
ReplyDeleteHe proffered the solution which is to be gainfully employed.
Better to be prepared and safe than never.