Impossible Fusion - written by Charly Boy | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Saturday 16 August 2014

Impossible Fusion - written by Charly Boy

Article written by Charly Boy. Enjoy below...
A soulmate marriage does not at all mean that you have found someone you match up with on all the cards – on all the issues, on everything. That would be the most deadly dull thing to even imagine. Instead, it means you've found someone and they don't ever want to blow out that little light inside you. And you feel the same way about them. 
Growing up, seeing my Dad and Mum play the happy couple,  holding hands, stealing kisses, made marriage look so easy and beautiful. Hummmm for where? Continue..
Don't get it twisted, I saw them argue and quarrel as if they couldn't stand each other, but the next minute, they were back to their normal routine of holding hands and stealing kisses, even till my father passed at 97.

Parents shouldn't really worry that children never listen to them, they should worry that they are always watching them. I always had my reservations about 'happily ever after' especially after 3 failed marriages. I always wondered how two strangers can be together for 40yrs, and guess what, I just woke up to discover that I have been with the same woman, the same smell, the same f--k, the same routine for the past 36yrs, damn! Someone form another background, home training, different ideology, IQ, so many things different, if not all.


When you are not yet married, people give you reasons why you should get married, as if one could just go to the shop and pick a spouse off the shelf. Even if that was the case, how do you know what you are buying until you take it home. They tell you everything good about marriage and how interesting it can be, but they never promote the down side. “Just marry the right person” is what they always say but ‘right’ itself is relative. Who is the right person? Dem never born dem joor. In my village they will always say, if one waits to marry someone like themselves, they probably will wait forever.
Sometimes I think my wife is too good for me and some other times I feel I should have done better.

Get it straight, marriage is no fairy tale.  Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy - and satisfied. It's your job to make your marriage happy - and satisfying. Same goes for sex. It isn't supposed to make you passionate and "hot". It's up to you to make it passionate and "hot" - and intimate. I see people getting married every weekend and I wonder if they know what they are getting into. So many are consumed by just wanting to get the title, some by the ceremony, others think it’s a safe haven. As usual most of us don't want to do the job, we want it so easy. Hmmmmmmmm, see gobe!

The first time I got married, I guess my head was filled with assumptions of what marriage should be like; of-course I  was immature and an armature. However, it wasn’t what I had assumed and so it failed. The others too didn’t work out because maybe I wasn’t psychologically and mentally prepared for the mess, crap and bullshit in marriage.


I’ve been married to my wife Lady Diane for years, and the seeming success of our marriage maybe as a result of my experience from my other broken marriages. Let's tell it as it is, marriage is somewhat putting up with a lot of crap and bullshit, and we must have a strong stomach for that. The word 'marry' is fusing two imperfect things together; so how is it possible that two imperfect things are merged? I guess it just means two people willing to be in a mess together, constantly finding a way out.

When asked my secret of love, being married for over 36years to the same person, I say , "Diane and I are happily incompatible and I have learnt to live with that. She is an extrovert and believe it or not, am an introvert regardless of how I putout as CharlyBoy.

The most important marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way that they can't possibly doubt that you love them. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. It was when I realised that love was forbearance that I had a successful marriage. Both parties have to know and have that. You bear and you keep bearing and you keep bearing. To be a bearer you must be a forgiver, sometimes no apologies rendered. Oooops! Yeah, that’s  marriage.


Rice can never be beans and beans can never be rice, if you like cook them in the same pot they will always be different. They’ll still perform their different functions, what you will get is a different taste from the mixture. That’s marriage, what you get is not as a result of only you anymore but a mixture of two. You’ve got to take it as it comes. What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with each other's incompatibility.

Marriage is usually a disaster when so many things take the partners by surprise, when things don’t turn out as assumed. The good always comes with the bad, so it is with everything in life, marriage inclusive. Any  fool can have a trophy spouse. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage. I bet that getting married is a way to show family and friends that you have a successful personal life.  It's like the ultimate merit badge. My late father stayed married to my mum for 60something years. Looking at my stubborn mother, he must have been willing to stomach a lot of crap, but am also aware that my mum swallowed lotta bullshit too.


My guys, this marriage matter no easy sam sam. Kai, abi I wan become marriage

113 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Replies
    1. Dnt I just love you Charly boy. No matter what they say, am ur biggest fan. Remain blessed sir.

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  3. a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
    .
    Making sense post no doubt......
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

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  4. Nice piece.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

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  5. Funny person #bright bravo#

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  6. I concur. Nice write up 4rm d man wit twisted personality

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  7. Honestly, I am truly impressed. Very sensible article. People should look beyond his strange and weired attitude. He's got sense.

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    1. Thumbs up. U spoke my mind 100%. Dis piece was superb. Who knew charlie had it in him. Read most of his article earlier too. He's got brains eventually.

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  8. Nice post! Charlie. Bt d qustn is, is it reali rit 2 ovaluk incompatibility b4 mariage. I usd 2 luv a guy nd i stil do bt we were graveli incompatible am a feminist, he belngs 2 d oda syd. I chose rather 2 burn ma hrt dan b wit him.

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    1. Dnt overlook b4 o my dear. U made d right choice. D point is, d seemingly compatible couple will discover der many differences in marriage nd d only way to deal with it is accept u are 2 with diff ideologies nd work thru it.

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  9. Nice article charly..

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  10. Do anyhow Sir, that's wat u like.
    ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥♡thanks ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥ 

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  11. Frank appraisal ! Esp. Good for those who have their heads in the cloud about marriage .

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  12. Replies
    1. What do u expect? He no go night school like you wey go ota akara before u graduated to one primary school under the petess and finally went to one Nigerian Govt school.

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    2. its an excalmation! Means he's praising him and not a questionmark? So who no go sch now? Smh

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  13. Much as i do not really like his lifestyle. He is very much to the point on this one...

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  14. Am not married though I know marriage is a lot of tolerance judging from my sisters who are married.

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  15. Nice Job! Egbon. He who has ear let them hear. Gbam!!

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  16. He should go and sleep biko... anuofia.

    Ifuro ka o di.

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    Replies
    1. If your father is called anuofia am sure you will not appreciate it.. Na pple like you go make same mistake. Mtshew nincompoop

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  17. Nice article, wish ur reputation,conduct n character are as sweet as some of d things u write.I dread to look at some your pix

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  18. One of the greatest myths that's been fed us is this notion that we marry because "we're in love" and that "love" is a certain way that one feels about another. LIE.
    Love is NOT a feeling. It is the RESULT of marriage, not the reason for marriage.
    It is the committment and loyalty to a marriage union that produces fidelity, fertility, passion, affection, intimacy and love. - C.S. Lewis.
    It took the word of God to teach me that "love" is an act. It is the things that we do, the deeds that we do, the way that we speak. It is the putting first before ourselves of another's welfare, another's interests, another's happiness. An unwavering committment to put aside our own self in order to give to another, regarless of how we feel and how we are treated.
    Thank you Charlie Boy, for destroying the myth.
    -AE

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  19. Awwwwwwwww! Charly boy just pulled a sensitive string in my heart ooooooooo! Gbam! Gbammer! Gbammest!! So so on point! I feel like getting married now! Ppl r moved by too much fiction into marriage without even knowing wat they r heading into! Thank u so much!
    Btw, am sure not everybody wud see ur point cos am sure u persona has clouded their eyes! Make it work!
    #Do not judge a book by it cover but d content#





    #GozManuel Says#

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  20. Don't even say that this your last marriage work out because you learnt from your past broken marriages because to me it work out because you got married with a black American woman who don't have time for all these nonsense things you are engage with and normally do her own things in her own way and is happy with her self. When I look at her beauty, hight, shape, colour and every thing about her and hear her speak it marvels me what she is doing in your house. She even introduces her self as Charly boy's wife when she comes to public. Thank God her grown up children are base in American though comes to Nigeria. I just hope they are living usefull life there and are responsible in life and not a disgrace like you.

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    1. Ur point exactly is???? No need trading words with u cos even ur written English is appaling n dnt u dare blame it on typo! Ooni fu'n ra re ni brain!!

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    2. Wow!!! Bitter much? May God bless you with unspeakable joy so that you can be happy for others.

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    3. An illiterate and a hater! Two dangerous combinations. Smh4u miss!

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    4. ...Julie best, you be born idiot, obviously!

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    5. To hell with u all for attacking Julie. When an old twisted mind uses words like " f** k my wife" " bull shit" , he opens himself to all forms of ridicule and bile. Charlie boy is a big mistake. Nice one Julie. A very good write- up. You obviously come from a decent home.

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  21. Master piece. Charly boy is such an intelligent and homely man. Looks can be deceptive.

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  22. We can always make sense out of NONSENSE

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  23. Good advice for the married and intending couples.

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  24. Grand pa, you piece make sense joor.

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  25. Truly nice piece Charly. You won't expect this from a man with all that makeup. *winks*

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  26. True talk sir.....u said it all

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  27. From Someone who has bn able to stay married for almost 35 yrs now....When he has something to say about the
    Sacred Institution, u kinda have to listen...

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  28. Words for the wise

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  29. The man I hate to love. You are on point with this one. I am married for 4 years now, will see you on my 40th anniversary. Dont die on me yet charly

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  30. nice write up dear. Am so touched with this. I think i have to work out my relationship with this advice.

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    Replies
    1. Who be ur dear? Are u over 60 years or more? Nawa o

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  31. And Julie Best is not best after all.....more like Julie Worst! You think you have his whole life all wrapped up in the wasted tiny molecules spread around your brain!!!! You are the epitome of disgrace with that silly speech of yours! Go get married successfully first and then do us all a favour by coming back to explain how well you are doing at it....which I guess will not be told because you obviously lack decorum....and for your information. ...they are all doing fine! You can never fit into Charly Boy's shoes. ..he was and still is made of silver spoon! A concept that is obviously too 'cerebral' and alien to you.

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  32. charleyboy no get work abi???

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  33. introvert my foot make a lot of sense though

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  34. I must confess dis is really good coming frm charly boy

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  35. How many failed marriages has he had exactly? I thought his current wife had been his one and only. This writeup makes it seem as if he's on at least his third.

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  36. Awesome. Piece. My wife loves it. She made me read it. I think it was worth my time.

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  37. I understand the need to hammer home the point that marriage is a series of ups and downs, not constant bliss. But there is such a thing as a bad marriage. People shouldn't live in misery either in the name of vows. There should be some satisfaction with the union for it to continue. I reject the idea of persistent unhappiness as an acceptable characteristic of marriage.

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  38. A very interesting piece.

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  39. Ok. LIB Princess!

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  40. For once he spoke well. Nice one Charlie

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  41. Hea bin married 3times? #Shocked #puzzled face... Truth is marriage needs patience, understanding and tolerance. Show me a couple who have these qualities and I will show u a marriage that will last.


    sherrykoko

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  42. Wat a smart man!....iv nva bin his critic..iv always hd soo mch respect fr ds man.Cs I see d him dt many do not.

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  43. Why d so much hate? Nobody holy pass, funny how society ask you to be yourself and yet they judge you. + Nice post Charly.

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  44. Julie Best should stop being so judgemental. Who are you to call someone else's life disgraceful - just because he dresses differently and wants to be himself, you say he's living a disgraceful life. You're a funny somebody lol

    Charley boy is making a lot of sense. Marriage isn't a picnic. It takes *work, commitment, time, effort, patience, understanding etc

    *all of the above a lot of people don't seem to have or display.

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  45. Nice write up from a weird man



    _HaleemahTush

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  46. Such an intelligent man acting un-intelligently, its a free world dou. 9ce piece. Pepperextedpepple@yahoo.com

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  47. This is a fantastic piece charly. !

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  48. Nice..

    "we have to make it real so I gave him my breast to touch'- Anita Joseph clears the air over breast rumour with Nkem owoh

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  49. Like he didn't make any sense? Hw does ur hatred or dislike for him relate to the message he passed across? I guess yu'll refuse attending lectures coz yu dn't like d instructor/lecturer as if yu ar any better... Live ur life n allow others live theirs.. #Word

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  50. well said! sometimes I love marriage and sometimes I hate marriage but I will stay longer than 40years in it by God's grace.

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  51. Charly Boy is such an impressive personality, he keeps on showing that he is other sides , no body can really define Charley boy excepts perhaps charly boy himself,
    I read his piece and i just felt that somehow he was talking to me
    Thanks bro and Godbless you

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  52. Good write up. But bro charly ds ur makeup dey fear me.

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  53. Gosh! Me too at Chanchad. So freaking irritating. Deluded old man confusing his mental disorder for freedom. Agbaya oshi

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  54. charly boy with twisted personality,i can't seem to categorise, bur dis article sounds like marriage is an everlasting endurance.

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  55. Aint Interested (Li×”da's Ma×”)

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  56. @Julie best, u really need to be quarantined. You are really sick. Ekwueme nwa agu muru, u are on point sir. $£.

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  57. @Julie best, u really need to be quarantined. You are really sick. Ekwueme nwa agu muru, u are on point sir. $£.

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  58. @Julie best, u really need to be quarantined. You are really sick. Ekwueme nwa agu muru, u are on point sir. $£.

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  59. @Julie best, u really need to be quarantined. You are really sick. Ekwueme nwa agu muru, u are on point sir. $£.

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  60. Thanks CB, so on point. Ive been married for 22 years now and your write up make sense. I admire your courage any time, only if people can see beyond your clown and realise you are a very intelligent man. God bless your marriage xxx

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  61. Julie best you are a total idiot.....fools like u think you know something when u know nothing.......he made a lot of sense.....people u term normal people are divorcing everyday and u are here talking bullshit...

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    Replies
    1. Drop ur own shit n leave Julie alone. Charlie boy is a big mistake

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  62. This is quite inspirational. With this motivating piece, many marriages will be well guided and better shaped. Well done Charly boy, your write ups are always on point. I know my wish might not be good for your style, but I wish you could look more normal, God loves you soo much. All the best.

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  63. Loving yo post...will keep it in mind

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  64. Osondi owendi, Charly boy is very open to Lady Di and she closed her eyes on most of the things he does, else they would have been history.

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  65. So true n he sure kept it 100 as he laid out the facts

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  66. This makes a lot of sense. He is smart and articulates very well.

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  67. I so much like this guy, he knows it all, *wink*

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  68. Any fool can have a trophy spouse. It takes
    a real man to have a trophy marriage. I RESPECT YOU SIR FOR THIS!!

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  69. I agree with all he just said, nice one Area Father!
    Especially "Rice can never be beans and beans can never be rice, if
    you like cook them in the same pot they will always be
    different. They’ll still perform their different functions,
    what you will get is a different taste from the mixture.
    That’s marriage, what you get is not as a result of only
    you anymore but a mixture of two. You’ve got to take it
    as it comes. What counts in making a happy marriage is
    not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal
    with each other's incompatibility"

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  70. What has that got to do with the piece? Deduction from ur comment... you are not married and know nothing about marriage if not u would have given him kudos.

    Nice one Charly boy. I see 2 nice quotes about kids watching n rice n beans.

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  71. he is always talking about marriage..nice and well said..however i get the sense he is also trying to convince himself with this post that his marriage is worth it...he has probably cheated on her a lot of times too

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  72. charlie nice one there: i hear u sir

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  73. Good piece bro. But we cud still marry people who we are compatible with;it saves u a lot f stress in marriage, though its not usually an easy task. Marriage has a lot of ups and downs. Tolerance, endurance, forgiveness and love are he basic ingredients to a successful marriage. It struck me wen he said something like "sometimes u forgive without apology". I was thinking its an exceptional xter in my home, but it's a good contributor to successful marriages. Charley boy swept us off our feet on this. Cheers bro.

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  74. Even the weirdest things do you find fountains of wisdom.....Charles Oputa,please write more,cause your piece was splendid.Thanks!!!

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  75. Nice writeup, i am praying for that

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  76. Nice. One!this man is follow my words and not my foot step.

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  77. when i read your posts it feels like u have 2 personalities struggling within u... what you want the world to think (the extrovert homofriendly u) and the real u who is intellectual and truly introvert..
    nice read please write a book


    http://monthlyyouth.com/?ref=324250

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  78. gosh..... I just love this write up! u got brain charly....

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  79. Someone will say something and instead of thses idiots to pick and learn one or two things from it, they will be spittiong out rubbish. I don't like charly Boy doesn't mean he hasn't made a lot of sense with this write up

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  80. very nice! The pictures go with it too but...

    Warreffa mehn!

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  81. nice write up....marry is wat u make of it, no marriage is the same.

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  82. the children are watching even the outfit.

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  83. makes a whole lot of sense

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  84. Loool to hell with who? Julie Best is judgemental and you're saying 'hell to us & idiots' - wow, and I bet you call yourself a religious person. You need to wash your mouth with soap and think before they write such ludicrous.

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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the comment writers alone and does not reflect or represent the views of Linda Ikeji.

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