Dear LIB readers: Can a child bring a couple closer?
From a female LIB reader
I read the other lady's predicament on this blog a few days ago and sadly I am in the same situation. The spark has gone from my marriage barely a year after it was contracted. My marriage wasn't what I expected it to be and sometimes I wish I were single again. But unlike the other lady, my husband is not a brute and I am not willing to give up on this marriage without at least trying. We don't have any children yet and a good friend advised me to have a child and it will bring my husband and I closer together again. Is this for sure? Because I don't want my children to come from a broken home so I am worried about getting pregnant for a man and a marriage I am no longer sure of. What do you fellow readers think?
There isn't any one size fits all formula, may work for ur relationship or not. My advice: Fix ur relationship first woman! Don't bring d innocent children into a toxic home
Yes o. Fix your marriage first! You can talk to this popular relationship pastor that is on silver bird on Sundays at 1:30pm. His email is pastork@davidschristiancentre.org It would help..
I don't know if it can bring you and your husband closer, but the truth is that there are so many marriage that has lost their spark, there isn't any trace of love between husband and wife, but they stayed in the marriage because of their children, because the truth is that its not healthy to bring up a child in a broken home, a child need parental care of mother and father to grow up
Every marriage has it good n bad side. But that shouldn't be a reason for u to quite ur marriage try ur possible best to see that ur home come to it real stands.that is why u her a woman n not all women are wise but be among the wise,that won't allowed there homes to be divided. And also be prayerful cos a home with God is like a ship without his captain.
Definately.... Yu need to get pregnant and bring fourth a child bcos as i see, thats the only solution to ur problem.... . . . ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Is dat how daft people in jupiter fink? Naaaa in earth here it doesn't o! So pls dnt have a child yet, work on your marriage try to reignite the lost flames, before bringing them into this world! Dont do wat u will regret
@post, madam think about the few good things about your hubby. Its easy for humans to focus on the negative and completely forget about the positive sides of another human.
That's one irony of life that's hard to understand. The solution is to make the best of every situation you are in and never to be under pressure. Society has so many unwarranted expectations...at a certain age dy start shouting "MARRY", u marry they say "GIVE BIRTH" you give birth dy say "ONLY ONE or A GIRL?!" U will never satisfy the human race....just be content with where you are and God will sort us all out.
It takes both man and wife to make a marriage work. Forget pride and show him love, strong genuine love. I never blame women for relationship problems, d man is d head and shuld know what to do. But since hez not doing anything about it and you want your marriage back ,you do something. Love heals all, he wuld change I tell you.
It depends on the kinda man your husband is.Some men don't like children while others do.Try and notice his reaction towards other children before you go ahead getting pregnant.However I believe dialogue is the best solution
Well Ma Dear, Babies Bringing Joy To the Home is a different ball game from what your going through.. If your Husband is Unhappy cause your yet to conceive, no doubt he'll be much happier when you finally do.. But if its something else, you need to speak up on it and deal with it Fast. It looks like you are given up on him allready, relax ma dear, this is the worst time of your marriage and you need to stand in for him in the place of PRAYER!! Except you want us to feed cause we are Specialists In Divorce Party planning!! #JustSaying!!
. . .NO VIRGIN IN LAGOS . >Comment Moderation Disabled<
To be honest, kids can complicate ur relationship. If itz bad now, it will most likely get worse cos pregnancy and children are very demanding & emotions r typically high. Ur bond would be strengthened if both of u were committed to each other & to making this works. But if d center is weak, sorry oh. Things go just fall yakata
go quickly to your husband now and fuck him like u a crazy bitch, smetimes its nt prayer or babies ur marraige needs, jst sme crazy ass romance dts been dead.
Take the time to work on your marriage before bringing in a child. What do u think are the reasons for loosing d spark, talk to him, let him knw u want to make things work, avoid using d word 'try' you should use 'do'. Trying can fail, but doing , will make u resilient. Marriage is a time for character building and reforming. Study ur bible and learn to submit him the way d bible instructed and watch him love u again. And finally, pray until something happens. Wish u all d best dear, stop wishing to be single. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Make it work.
It might break you or make you. Having a baby is stressful but Yes it does bring couples closer but only couples you love each other! I'd it brings you closer it will only be temporarily. Don't do it if your mind is saying no! Everyone deserves to be happy. Do yourselves a favour and end it.
It's true dear,i speak frm experience,i have a daughter dats 3yrs,Weneva I nd my husband have a Lil misunderstanding nd she realises i'm nt talking 2 her dad she'll call d 2 of us nd insist we hug nd kiss.i tell u dat Weneva she does dat I nd my husband will laugh so hard nd 4get we were nt speaking 2 each other.The truth is dat we try nt 2 have issues becos of her.I wish u all d best.
It's true dear,i speak frm experience,i have a daughter dats 3yrs,Weneva I nd my husband have a Lil misunderstanding nd she realises i'm nt talking 2 her dad she'll call d 2 of us nd insist we hug nd kiss.i tell u dat Weneva she does dat I nd my husband will laugh so hard nd 4get we were nt speaking 2 each other.The truth is dat we try nt 2 have issues becos of her.I wish u all d best.
A New born or at d least a Pregnancy does bring couples together, that is glaring from even the 'baby dadas and mamas'. Having said this, the couple would need to do a forensic diagnosis on the cause of their problems/issues b4 the pregnancy and or the baby arrived and make sure it is resolved, otherwise they would go back to where they were. Thanks.
Am praying 2 God 2 give me a husband and people dat are already dia are seeking 4 divorce, na wa 4 dis world o. Young ladies b careful abt marital issues o, is very wrong 2 rush in and out of marriage.
Wen they warn ladies abt re-evaluating urselves nd rushin into marriage, they won't hear. Let me say this again. U only re responsible for ur happiness in life, so wen u jump into mrg hopin to experience all d happiness nd satisfaction in d world, then u re kidding. Find wat mks u happy in life nd do it, so dt even wen u get married, u won't b expecting ur happiness to com frm a man. Wat is ur problm wen ur husband is nt brutal to u, or u just want to jump out nd start sleepin arnd? Why did u get married initially? Wat were u expecting? Wat has gone wrong? If u jump out nd marry somone else, wats d possibility dt u wont feel ds same way aft one yr? Ask urself these ques. U re d problm. Work on u.
Having a child bring couples closer is absolutely relative because all relationships have their own uniqueness. For me, the cementing factor for my marriage was my attitudinal change to my marriage, then my child came and they marriage became so strong. This being said, I know of many couples that having children have not impActed positively on their marriage at all. Please my sister, what you need to do is call your husband to your bedroom and talk. Communication does wonders to any relationship. Prior to this, let go any pride or grudge with your husband. Pamper him, love him, touch him unexpectedly and worship him. I traet my husband like a mini-God just like Sarah did in the bible, and it has worked wonders...he gives me more money, more sex and best attentiion. At times he exclaims and wonders if I have jazzed him. This has nothing to do with having a baby. Please my dear, bring back the spark in your marriage by studing your man and his temprament. Make an example from women who have had successful marriages and you'll notice the factors I stated earlier have contributed to their successes both marriage and business. Do not give up, it can work. God bless your home, give you peace and bless your life
What exactly is d problem wv yhr marriage??? What is stealing d spark? B's we begin 2 advice. And oh yes, a child cn brng a couple closer dependin on d couple... all ds ppl cmplainin of thr marriages, una no marry 4 love??? toh! Na una sabi sha, cos I dnt undstnd ds questns at times!
My advice to u is to settle d problem b4 bringing baby into d marriage cos once there is problem on ground more keep coming, babies ve there own stress and every marriage face d same @ d early stage.
Yeah, a child can definitely make a couple remember what they used to be when they start raising the child as a team. Have seen several occasions where a child/baby saved a broken home. It sha depends on the type of husband u married. Does he luv kids? Is he strong headed? If he loves kids and not strong headed then yes, it would work for u. Gudluck
No dear, A child may not bring you guys closer... With a baby you may be distracted because of all the attention a newborn needs...Now there is no baby, it is an opportunity to start working on the spark, that spark that made you say yes to him ...start working on it again...All the best! Remember to communicate these feelings you are sharing here to him because most of the problems in a home stems up from breach in communication and communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship follow@bride2mum
A child is sure to cement a union dear..plus jst b prayerful and do those things that used to bring up d spark when u were dating and avoid doing things dat makes him feel immasculated..show him more love,respect and care, men so love attention, they r forever 'BABIES' Plus Linda go to church am off for second service..HIC
Linda change ur 'derar'. For the lady, a child can't bring a man n his wife together, you will end up with ur child alone but atleast you can give your marriage a trial. That's a good one, wishing you good luck
Sorry Lady, I feel ur plight but ryt now m more interested in Denrele Gaddafi, or Denrele Okiemute! He is bleaching badly! Please help my brother! Hahahhah
I think every marriage should endure at least 5 years. Get a feel from your husband about children. If one comes it may just be a game changer for the better and if not at least you won't walk out with nothing.. the difference between single girls and a divorced girl is? Trust me you don't want to be a "single" girll again. Give it your best. Pray and Fast let the Lord lead you...
I think all these women posting about their marriages falling apart should just go inside their houses and go be wives that they should be. What is happening in nigeria now? What's up with all these "the spark has gone from my marriage blablabla". Its getting annoying pls. Just go and marry your husbands shikena wetin sef!
Am not an expert in love or marriage ,but I know this,a child doesn't bring people close,rarely even if it does,You may love the child,but your partner you might still feel nothing for.....But If you want your marriage to work,you have to try and fall in love over again with him,find those things that endeared him to you,make him crave you again....but my sister,if nah douche...dump him sorry ass,he doesn't deserve you,remember though,sometimes people fall out of love,its not their fault.
I think you should speak to your hubby to know why the spark is gone. You should both have mutual agreement about having a baby. If children ain't the reason for why the spark is gone, they won't bring it back either. You both might need to speak to you mentor/counsellor. It is well with you.
what is it with marriage issues this days, cant you all try and figure things out, atleast the love was there when he proposed or is it that you are now filled with pride that you cant be submissive to him. my advice for you is that try and think back of those days, maybe there is something you are doing now that he is not pleased with.
Dear your marriage is just barely a year old, I think you guys are still getting to know each other still give it some time and am positive it will work. Try having children it will help.
Love, Sparks, Feelings!!!!! All these words do not fit into the institution of marriage. Marriage is responsibility. It is work, work and more work. When people start viewing marriage as responsibility, commitment, work, we will stop having these kind of articles of LIB. As to your question, a child will only worsen the situation because you are yet to come to grips with the concept of marriage. DW.
God no! Wit a child, ur attention actually gets divided cos u now have someone who really needs ur undivided attention. Plz do not bring a child into a struggling home, even u self tink am. Yes a child can help bring a family closer buh only if the both of u want it, not cos u want to use the child to save ur marriage. Plz u guys shud go see a marriage counselor, its just been a yr, marriage is work, not a walk in d park. The first yr of marriage is always d hardest. Plz woman, work on ur marriage and dnt brng a child into a hostile environment. Gods speed, you'll need it.
kids dont have the magic wand for a wonderful marriage life, if anything it makes it complicated and all.. know wat is missing in this marriage and fix it, if not dont dont surfer through it with your kid or kids..
Please do not be disillusioned. Children are not miracle workers. Sort your issues out with your hubby first before throwing innocent children into the mix. Children can make it worse or tie you into something you are not happy in. They will not make it better. If you two cannot deal with/ sort out your small issues now imagine when you have bigger issues with the kids. children should only be brought into a loving nurturing relationship. Until you establish that between you two do not do this to innocent children.
Children bring couple together n also make marriages heathier.What my unty is passing tru now in her marriage is bc of d issue of childlessness(after 22yrs of marriage)
Iam tired of seeing all these stories on LIB. Biko ask your mother her secret to a lasting marriage. What is spark or not spark. Love is a decision you make irrespective of your partner decision. Marriage is bout putting the other person happiness b4 yours. If you and your husb can communicate bout that, you'll both do things 2make each other happy. Also read the book of Eph 7 and all other scriptures pertaining to marriage and wives. Cos these pattern of stories is becoming to frequent. That's why I advise my friends plan your weDding quietly its the marriage that matters.
Iam tired of seeing all these stories on LIB. Biko ask your mother her secret to a lasting marriage. What is spark or not spark. Love is a decision you make irrespective of your partner decision. Marriage is bout putting the other person happiness b4 yours. If you and your husb can communicate bout that, you'll both do things 2make each other happy. Also read the book of Eph 7 and all other scriptures pertaining to marriage and wives. Cos these pattern of stories is becoming to frequent. That's why I advise my friends plan your weDding quietly its the marriage that matters.
Why do women keep getting in dis situations, a study shud really go into this, is it peer pressure or pressure from parents, a lot of friendship and work and patience, learning should go before saying I do. marriage shud be beautiful, and truth be told Dear, it won't always be Chummy, and u won't like him all the time, same with him, but when in that institution, you need to bring God in, and you need to gist a lot, do plenty aproko and all that so when the spark goes, the friendship lights it again, God help us women really
Just pray to God for his guadiance n to direct ur ways.....bt trust me,if a man dosnt lov u wen ur not avin a baby,he also mite not lov u even wen uve got 1....avoid ur children d stress of cumin a painful world witout fatherly lov
Ojai says" u r feeling this way becos u dont have a child yet. I feel ur marriage is nt going to the rocks. Take ur time and keep trying. Its well with u
I ve been married 4 7yrs w/o children n my hubby n I re very close so I'm not sure about children bringing couples 2geda. I'll need u 2 ask urself some vital questions, why did I marry my husband? What attracted me 2 him? Do I or did I really love him? Try 2 concentrate on those things u love or like about him, work on urself, open urself to only d beautiful things in ur marraige n ur husband. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking d grass is greener some other place n pls remove every image of marraiges in movies from ur head n try not to compare ur marraige with friends around u. Marraige is a beautiful institution but it's what u make of it. One more thing, let children come at d will of the Almighty n not have them with ulterior motive it may backfire. Lastly pls love urself n love ur husband. Sweet anonymous.
It's sad that many marriages are losing/have lost the very essence that binds them together: LOVE.
First, before you rush into having a kid (cuz that will be your cross to bear and not those SPECIAL ADVISERS) try and spice things up in the homefront. What do I mean? Couples' counselling, new tricks in the bedroom, a second honeymoon vacation perhaps? Stuff that you guys loved while courting, spontaneous romantic rendezvous etc.
It's worth a try and when the love is rekindled, then you can start thinking or communicating with your husband as regards the kid issue. Hope that helped.
I think you are looking at it from a wrong perspective. A child is not meant to fix a broken marriage. A child born into a marriage that is failing us like bringing a child into a war zone. The stressors of that broken marriage will impact on that child's early development. You've got to understand that a child's early experiences has a tremendous impact on their future relationships, roles and aspirations. Any stress experienced in the marriage automatically affects the child in the womb, so the child is already at a disadvantage before it is born. Please think carefully before you bring a child into your life. Before you put a baby in its crib you make sure the bed is well made and clean. You don't expect the baby to make the bed it's self. They are not equipt with those skills. So it is ridiculous to expect them to solve your problems. A child comes with its own issues that need solving. So in effect you will just be compounding your own issues. You might be in danger of neglecting the child in other to find other ways to solve your marritial issues. I am a public health nurse in uk. I know that the issues faced in Nigeria are some how influenced by culture but please please, a child is not a THING to be used to solve your problems.
Before I forget, indulge in things that interest him which will also connect you two together. For example, watching football actively (making sounds like GOAL) with him if he is a football aficionado, serve dinner in nothing but a short apron, and other romantic gestures. Talk to him, find out how his day went. Call him etc. You'd be pleasantly surprised.
it depends.. its a yes or no answer. in some ways yes. and in other no. Parenting can be tough and stressful. In my own experience it brought us closer. We bonded through the pregnancy and then learned together how to be parents. but my bro is having a totally opposite issue. he wants out the house. can't stand the baby crying all night and his social life to him is gone. so again i really think that what is meant to be will be. couples can somehow try to work it all together. If there is compromise, teamwork, and understanding then yes I do believe that having a child can bring a couple closer.
Why on earth wld u giv a tot 2 breaking up, somtyms marriages are like dat....isn't always a bed of roses. Some pple hv dia drag early in mariage, while som odas....later. Let's not loose our values all of a sudden. Giv it ur best, try n fix things n DIALOGUE, cut dwn on tv time n pay more attention 2 each oda. Pls dnt hold bac on anytin, not even babies....d Joy is AWESOME, u can't imagine it. Gudluck in ur marriage.
Noooooooooo. U must marryooooooo. Spark ke? I bet u didnt knw wat marriage is all about before u entered.Go find d spark anywhere. Stupid grl. It wasnt wat u xpected. Pple dey marry nai u urself marry so deal with it. Next news linda
Madam, I am gouna have to ask certain question: 1) what attracted u to him? 2) what wus ur idea of marriage before getting into it? 3) are u from a broken home?. Many of our parents got married to their spouses by 'referrals', they never knew each other, they got married and r stil married till date. Young people in this era make marriage seem like silly devilish painful venture! People marry for all the wrong reasons and cry out loud when real life show up! You will lie on ur bed, the way u lay it! Goodluck!
If u tink u do luv him,nd wish to stay wit him foreva,cos marriage is nt just wat u jump into anyow,u tink of d kind of man u want 2 spend d rest of ur lyf wit,fine is true wen u av a baby wit him,u wuld definatly come closer cos its his fruit of joy so gal its ur dicision nt anyone....if u tink u can live wit him 4eva pls get him his joy dats a baby....nd pls b prayerful God will surely mk u smile.... Marriage is nt an easy tin,bt once u re in,u re in..... CHERRY CAMPBEL...
I think you should find the root cause of the problem before a decision is taken. Check within you what you are doing wrong and do the correction. Have a hearth to hearth discussion with your husband. Try marriage concelling and if that is not possible attend weddings together and listen to the sermon. Discuss the sermon with your husband and do what the sermon directs. Finally take your case to God in prayer and pray together.
i have been married for four years and i felt the same way you feel but i brought myself to see that being a wife is a lot harder than being a girl friend and if you haven't metamorphosed into being a wife, you feel like you hate the marriage. my advise for you is to pray always and if that is hard for you, then visit the church always for meditations and keep it behind your mind that you have to make the marriage work. ensure your house is clean, make nice meals, pray and get a job if you dont already have one. you will find out that you will feel more needed, fulfilled and responsible and your house will feel like a home to you. it may be hard but keep trying and about having a baby, stabilize your home first.
A child would not bring you closer or save your marriage and having one for thos sole purpose is selfish. If anything a baby would put further strain on your already strained relationship. Marriage is hard work but if you both try to make it work, open up to your husband and dont pretend all is fine,you can enjoy rather than endure your marriage when you are both on the same page then its easier to deal with the stress of being a new mom wish you all the best
i have been married for four years and i felt the same way you feel but i brought myself to see that being a wife is a lot harder than being a girl friend and if you haven't metamorphosed into being a wife, you feel like you hate the marriage. my advise for you is to pray always and if that is hard for you, then visit the church always for meditations and keep it behind your mind that you have to make the marriage work. ensure your house is clean, make nice meals, pray and get a job if you dont already have one. you will find out that you will feel more needed, fulfilled and responsible and your house will feel like a home to you. it may be hard but keep trying and about having a baby, stabilize your home first.
Don't. Makes everything more complicated not solve the problem. Till you and ur husband are able to work on urselves and relationship, do not bring an innocent child into that kind of uncertainty.
My dear! the truth is,if you are no longer sure about the marriage then I don't think it would be possible for a child to bring the both of you closer. My question is,why give birth to a child when you no longer believe in the marriage? I can advise you to give birth only if you are willing to make it work. You know your marriage and your man well, raising a child might just bring you two closer only if both of you are willing to try to make things work. Problem with couple of nowadays is that they tend to throw things away instead of fixing. Marriage is for the matured minds because there wl certainly be challenges and how you react to the challenges will determine how strong and how well your marriage will stand the test of time. Cheers!
Be sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with him before having a child with him. But my question is dis, did you ever love dis man??? #just wondering#
marriage is never what one expects......yes things will phase out even the spark and chemistry sooner or later what you need to do are things that make you happy and relevant.e.g dreamjob, career,business,children,whatever.I am sure you thot that life will be fulfilled when you got married...sorry nothing like that welcome to reality.The problem is not the Man so changing him will not eliminate this phase even with other men.Its just life pele and welcome to the club...
First be closer to God and pray very well. To God to bring back d spark dt have lost btw u and ur hubby,then u too should bring d spark dt two of u shared wen u re courting. After dt find out how much ur hubby love children if he loves children very much den u can do it. May God help us all in jesus name
whoever told u that is inexperienced...children actually bring more challenges to a marriage especially if it's your first. I'd suggest u try to rekindle that romance and work on your marriage before bringing a child into it..tha wont make it better because u will be so focused on the newborn baby..not all advise from outsiders that u should take regarding your marriage
First be closer to God and pray very well. To God to bring back d spark dt have lost btw u and ur hubby,then u too should bring d spark dt two of u shared wen u re courting. After dt find out how much ur hubby love children if he loves children very much den u can do it. May God help us all in jesus name
Stories like this makes me wonder what was the reason these people got married? Love? Money? Beauty? Fine dude? Etc. No marriage is smooth all the way, there are ups and downs but one thing I know cos am happily married is LOVE keeps you going.
All other reasons for marriage will wear off with time but genuine Love for each other and the great God will sustain it.
A child can bring you guys close to some extent but it will not keep the marriage intact.
i wouldn't advice you to do that. What if after the baby the spark still isn't there ? plus most couples often lose their spark when they get kids. If for anything thing having kids should be the last thing on your mind now. Save you marriage before you make a family.
i wouldn't advice you to do that. What if after the baby the spark still isn't there ? plus most couples often lose their spark when they get kids. If for anything thing having kids should be the last thing on your mind now. Save you marriage before you make a family.
i wouldn't advice you to do that. What if after the baby the spark still isn't there ? plus most couples often lose their spark when they get kids. If for anything thing having kids should be the last thing on your mind now. Save you marriage before you make a family.
Work on the marriage, not on making a baby. "Trapping" a man is a tried and true tactic that's failed for many a women who thought that having a baby would make a troubled relationship viable. In the end, the man loves his child and still rejects the mother.
You are the problem. You admit your husband is not a brute. Check yourself and submit to him and your Union will be happy again. Stay put in that marrige and God will bless you with beautiful Children and You will remain happy.
SO SORRY TO USE THIS WORD BUT WHO IS THE "DUMB" FRIEND THAT TOLD YOU THAT CHILDREN BRING PARENTS CLOSER..........THAT IS 100% WRONG. CHILDREN BRING STRAIN TO A MARRIAGES BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GIVE ALL YOUR ATTENTION TO THE CHILD. IF THE MARRIAGE IS ALREADY STRONG, AND A CHILD IS BROUGHT IN, THE MARRIAGE CAN SUSTAIN BECAUSE THERE IS A STRONG FOUNDATION IN THE MARRIAGE BEFORE THE CHILD CAME IN.
BUT IF THE MARRIAGE IS NOT STRONG.........
NUMBER 1 -THE HUSBAND AUTOMATICALLY GETS LESS ATTENTION FROM THE MOTHER WHICH SOMETIME CAUSES JEALOUSY FROM THE HUSBAND.
NUMBER 2 - LESS SEX....WELL, AT LEASE FOR THE FRIST FEW MOUTHS.
NUMBER 3- THE MAN HAS TO PROVIDE, IN THE CASE THAT HE CANT OR STRUGGLING OR IS DRAGGING FEET, ARGUMENTS BEGIN.
NUMBER 4- WHEN THE HUSBAND FEELS NEGLECTED, HE HAS A HIGHER CHANCE OF STEPPING OUT....SEEKING FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL GIVE HIM THE ATTENTION HE IS LACKING AT HOME.
NUMBER 5 - AS THE WOMAN, YOU NOW HAVE TO LOOK AFTER THE BABY, COOK, CLEAN, RUN ERRANDS ETC .......DONT FORGET, YOU ALSO HAVE TO LOOK AFTER YOUR HUSBAND AT THE END OF THE DAY.
IF YOUR MARRIAGE FOUNDATION IS NOT SOLID....PLEASE DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING CHILDREN INTO THE EQUATION, YOU WILL ONLY END UP FEELING WORSE.
FRIST OF ALL, SORT OUT YOUR MARRIAGE, GO FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELLING (I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAD COUNSELLING SESSIONS BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED) IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN, YOU CAN DO THAT IN CHURCH, IF NOT, YOU CAN DO IT PROFESSIONALLY OR GET AN ELDER PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCED AND TRUSTED BY BOTH OF YOU, WHO CAN TALK, COUNSEL AND GUIDE YOU BOTH.
BOTH OF YOU SHOULD ADMIT YOUR FAULTS AND BE READY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR . REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU TOOK YOUR VOWS, IT WAS FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. SO WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE AND KEEP YOUR WOMB CLOSED FOR NOW (YOU CAN OPEN YOUR LEGS FOR YOUR HUSBAND .....LOL).
Get pregnant and have a baby, it will probably bring you both together or tear you both apart the more....the best thing is to go for marriage counseling.
Pls dnt bring a child into this mess cos it won't help, u r goin to cus urself more pain, bn pregnant, raising a child unhappy is more depressing. Am pregnant and aving issues with my fiance and it's nt bn easy, sometimes I wish I culd turn back the hands of time.. Dear LIB readers pls I need Linda's email I'd, I need to share my story. Thank you
God help person oo,i keep praying for a husband, stories like this makes someone scared,just one year seriously? I think a child would bring both of u closer tho,pls don't give up.
No child will ever be born and bring it's parents close, if it was never there in the first place. Never think to use a child as a bargaining tool. You will only hurt yourself and bring a child who will hate you more than it will hate him.
Hello dear, know that you are not alone. I am currently in that state too. I have come to realise that marriage is tough bcos these are two diff.pple from diff.background & history trying to live as a couple forever. I believe too that having child wud help my marriage bcos we both will have someone to focus on & care for. And children bring a lot of joy & one begins to see the tender side of a man when he has a child. My advise to you is that do not give up on your marriage, open your mind to be happy & love your hubby no matter what. Remember the 1st five years of marriage are the toughest... Your worries would soon be a thing of the past. And pray always.
trust me dear, a child would only pull you wide part. if you want one have one but dont think it would ever make your marriage better. Work on your marriage and pray to God that it gets better.
DON'T TRY IT. IRON OUT YOUR PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU BRING AN INNOCENT CHILD INTO THIS WORLD THAT WOULD NOT BE LOVED. YOU CAN SEE I'M TYPING IN CAPS WHICH I DID FOR A PURPOSE.
Most ladies in Nigeria are now getting married because of family pressure, that is the cause of all the stories we read in this blogs. ( men too ) Dear ladies and gentlemen, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN DON'T!!!!!!
Most ladies in Nigeria are now getting married because of family pressure, that is the cause of all the stories we read in this blogs. ( men too ) Dear ladies and gentlemen, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN DON'T!!!!!!
My dear its @ ds beginning stage u face al kinds of problems! The truth is the Devil isn't happy about Marriage cos that's God's Plan for Man"wen 2 becum one""wen 2 agree God wil move in action"dt ws why Eve ws created in d 1st place for Adam! And u knw wat Satan did!so my dear jst be prayerful and jst knw that ds is d worse it cn be it wil get betr!afta all u guyz r getin to knw ursefs ds is why u r havn differences!pls bring bak dt spark neva neva let it die cos it wil be difficult to bring it bak! BE VERY PRAYERFUL!!!and look attractive to him dress sexy to entice him do stuffs abeg...xoxo Charmie
Edo gal. You will discover that the cuteness of a baby is to help evolution, so that humanity cannot become extinct. Children are hard work. Very very hard. It is hard work that makes them cute and make them grow up into well adjusted people that are a blessing to both parents and community at large. Go and ask your mother. If you are already having problems with your husband , how do you think a crying ,demanding ,totally dependant on you, living ,breathing ,eating ,poo machine can make matters better. You dey dream. Abeg slap yourself out of that dream. It is a solid marriage that bring forth good fruit. As a woman you should have a maternal instinct to protect your unborn children , not use them to solve your problems. That is just selfish. Listen to the good advise people have put up here and halt your wicked plan to bring a child to solve your problems.
Oh Lord, im very scared of dating not to even talk of getting married,Lord Help me. Many people who are married lately are not happy, this is very sad :(
Look dear I've been married well over 6 years and I can tell you that kid(s) make it better. Its not a mistake that they are called 'bundles of joy'. When I'm unhappy about stuff,the smiles on my sons' faces,their arms around my neck and their innocent happy laughter just bring back my life (literally I mean). This happiness I get from them rubs off on their father and somehow we get back in line. There'll never be a time in your marriage when it will be ALL rosy. Believe me. Marriages are constantly worked at. Having a kid,someone that binds you together and someone you both can stick in there for is it. So go ahead and have a baby ASAP! Goodluck.
Its stories like this that interest me the more because it gives a you a wake up call and also makes us to stop living in denial, you tend to realise that marriage is not a bed of roses because a lot of people enter into this institution thinking that oh! It's going to sweet all the time! Well to me the bibles' account is just the answer to anything cos it gives examples of different tins E.G of Good and Bad wives, what they did to make their homes and what did to mar their homes. So most definitely proverbs 31 solves it all and tell me if any of these ladies adhere to the Bibles' admonitions their husbands will worship the feet they walk on and God will bless their homes d more.. Lastly whatever we become in life is as a result of the choices we make. .. So it's simple, Garbage in Garbage out, it's simple computer philosophy!
Have you not heard of a band-aid baby? That's what you are planning to have and unfortunately it never fixes anything, it makes it worse. I've seen it so many times and trust me if you have issues in your relationship, they will double or triple when a baby comes. Don't bring an innocent child in, fix your marriage first!
Why tie yourself down with a man dat you do not love. When you bring children into the situation you will tie yourself in bondage in a loveless marriage. Domestic violence is not just about physical force. It can be emotional abuse too. I know of a lot of women tied down in these sort of marriages and every day they compromise a little bit more of themselves until there is notting left of them. But the tittle good wife. And a house girl you can verge your frustrations on. It's not worth it. Walk out of that marriage , if it is not for you.
Please don't bring an innocent child into all this. A newborn child will bring further stress and if you are not in love with your husband, you will further have less time for him after the child. Good luck! But, please don't have a child for a stupid reason abeg!!
@edo gal which level na! Who u think say dey that ur monkey boat. This gal has common sense and is asking opinion she's not in your monkey banana boat. . Go and have baby now and u will feel the tender side of the mans hand on ur silly face. And u will deserve it. Daft Edo girl. Mchew! Not only tender side. Yeye fowl
Having a baby is a blessing but cannot be used to mend the tension between you and your husband. You need a lot of love patience and devotion. Please start now. Count your blessings,appreciate what you have and blessings will flow in. You are newly wed and you have many blissful years ahead but everyone knows marriage is not a bed of roses.When babies come they will be additional blessing to the marriage. Go forth in joy.
It's not the best for kids to have their home broken, but neither is it any better if they live in a home where there is no love lost between their parents. Fix your relationship first. At least try to identify the source of the issues and work toward resolving them. The truth is that sometimes bringing a baby into the picture might actually worsen the divide between you both. When you have a child, there are emotional and physical challenges that might come with childbirth. How might he react to those? How will you if you already have problems with him? Truth is you cannot predict what might come after and even if having a child helps things for a bit, if the fact that you don't yet have a child is not the root cause of the issues between you, then things may go from bad to worse if those issues are left unfixed. You are busy listening to friends, when the person you should be talking to is your hubby. Have you even bothered to ask him what he thinks about having a child at this point. Seek counseling if necessary, but kids are best brought into the picture when the union between parents is already founded on good communication, understanding,love and respect and not as a hopeful panacea that will rectify all things wrong in a troubled home. If kids automatically brought some kind of untouchable joy to married couples, all the divorced ones who had kids would have had an epiphany and stayed together living happily ever after. Kids need a loving environment, where the love is not just being shown to them by both parents, but where they can see and feel that love between their parents. The worst thing you can do is to bring a child/children into a home that is already unhappy. It is your duty to provide them a happy, comfortable and stable environment, not the innocent child's duty to help make you a happy, comfortable and stable home. All that said, Good luck.
There isn't any one size fits all formula, may work for ur relationship or not. My advice: Fix ur relationship first woman! Don't bring d innocent children into a toxic home
ReplyDeleteYes o. Fix your marriage first! You can talk to this popular relationship pastor that is on silver bird on Sundays at 1:30pm. His email is pastork@davidschristiancentre.org It would help..
DeleteI don't know if it can bring you and your husband closer, but the truth is that there are so many marriage that has lost their spark, there isn't any trace of love between husband and wife, but they stayed in the marriage because of their children, because the truth is that its not healthy to bring up a child in a broken home, a child need parental care of mother and father to grow up
ReplyDeleteYour comment will be visible after approval
Every marriage has it good n bad side. But that shouldn't be a reason for u to quite ur marriage try ur possible best to see that ur home come to it real stands.that is why u her a woman n not all women are wise but be among the wise,that won't allowed there homes to be divided. And also be prayerful cos a home with God is like a ship without his captain.
DeleteDefinately.... Yu need to get pregnant and bring fourth a child bcos as i see, thats the only solution to ur problem....
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Is dat how daft people in jupiter fink? Naaaa in earth here it doesn't o! So pls dnt have a child yet, work on your marriage try to reignite the lost flames, before bringing them into this world! Dont do wat u will regret
DeleteSeriously this edDreamz comments are the dumest ever.gosh are pple really this stupid?
DeleteJupiter man are you for real?
Delete@post, madam think about the few good things about your hubby. Its easy for humans to focus on the negative and completely forget about the positive sides of another human.
Goodluck.
So many unhappily married women around,and some of us cry because we aren't married yet.
ReplyDeleteThat's one irony of life that's hard to understand. The solution is to make the best of every situation you are in and never to be under pressure. Society has so many unwarranted expectations...at a certain age dy start shouting "MARRY", u marry they say "GIVE BIRTH" you give birth dy say "ONLY ONE or A GIRL?!" U will never satisfy the human race....just be content with where you are and God will sort us all out.
DeleteSo many unhappily married women around,and some of us cry because we aren't married yet.
ReplyDeleteJust pray there is nothing God cannot do
ReplyDeleteIt takes both man and wife to make a marriage work. Forget pride and show him love, strong genuine love. I never blame women for relationship problems, d man is d head and shuld know what to do. But since hez not doing anything about it and you want your marriage back ,you do something. Love heals all, he wuld change I tell you.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the kinda man your husband is.Some men don't like children while others do.Try and notice his reaction towards other children before you go ahead getting pregnant.However I believe dialogue is the best solution
ReplyDeleteWell Ma Dear, Babies Bringing Joy To the Home is a different ball game from what your going through.. If your Husband is Unhappy cause your yet to conceive, no doubt he'll be much happier when you finally do.. But if its something else, you need to speak up on it and deal with it Fast. It looks like you are given up on him allready, relax ma dear, this is the worst time of your marriage and you need to stand in for him in the place of PRAYER!! Except you want us to feed cause we are Specialists In Divorce Party planning!! #JustSaying!!
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To be honest, kids can complicate ur relationship. If itz bad now, it will most likely get worse cos pregnancy and children are very demanding & emotions r typically high. Ur bond would be strengthened if both of u were committed to each other & to making this works. But if d center is weak, sorry oh. Things go just fall yakata
ReplyDeletego quickly to your husband now and fuck him like u a crazy bitch, smetimes its nt prayer or babies ur marraige needs, jst sme crazy ass romance dts been dead.
ReplyDeleteIn a way, I tink children contribute alot to a blissful marriage. So, I'd ask u to try nd get pregnant for him. Afterall, u ar married to him
ReplyDeleteWhich one b say una go marry...d nxt tin una no love again? Wetin carry u go dere in d first place?!
ReplyDeleteIt feels like that in the beginning
DeleteTake the time to work on your marriage before bringing in a child. What do u think are the reasons for loosing d spark, talk to him, let him knw u want to make things work, avoid using d word 'try' you should use 'do'. Trying can fail, but doing , will make u resilient. Marriage is a time for character building and reforming. Study ur bible and learn to submit him the way d bible instructed and watch him love u again. And finally, pray until something happens. Wish u all d best dear, stop wishing to be single. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Make it work.
ReplyDeleteIt might break you or make you. Having a baby is stressful but
ReplyDeleteYes it does bring couples closer but only couples you love each other! I'd it brings you closer it will only be temporarily. Don't do it if your mind is saying no! Everyone deserves to be happy. Do yourselves a favour and end it.
Pumpkin
It's true dear,i speak frm experience,i have a daughter dats 3yrs,Weneva I nd my husband have a Lil misunderstanding nd she realises i'm nt talking 2 her dad she'll call d 2 of us nd insist we hug nd kiss.i tell u dat Weneva she does dat I nd my husband will laugh so hard nd 4get we were nt speaking 2 each other.The truth is dat we try nt 2 have issues becos of her.I wish u all d best.
ReplyDeleteIt's true dear,i speak frm experience,i have a daughter dats 3yrs,Weneva I nd my husband have a Lil misunderstanding nd she realises i'm nt talking 2 her dad she'll call d 2 of us nd insist we hug nd kiss.i tell u dat Weneva she does dat I nd my husband will laugh so hard nd 4get we were nt speaking 2 each other.The truth is dat we try nt 2 have issues becos of her.I wish u all d best.
ReplyDeleteyes of course no man would love to marry without the intention of having children, a child can bring happiness to a man's heart
ReplyDeleteY not pray and wait on d Lord
ReplyDeleteA New born or at d least a Pregnancy does bring couples together, that is glaring from even the 'baby dadas and mamas'. Having said this, the couple would need to do a forensic diagnosis on the cause of their problems/issues b4 the pregnancy and or the baby arrived and make sure it is resolved, otherwise they would go back to where they were. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAm praying 2 God 2 give me a husband and people dat are already dia are seeking 4 divorce, na wa 4 dis world o. Young ladies b careful abt marital issues o, is very wrong 2 rush in and out of marriage.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up! There is nothing God can not do,just pray.
ReplyDeleteLindiway. U go try stop al d's fake akiko. U hear? Mtcheeeewwww
ReplyDeleteWen they warn ladies abt re-evaluating urselves nd rushin into marriage, they won't hear. Let me say this again. U only re responsible for ur happiness in life, so wen u jump into mrg hopin to experience all d happiness nd satisfaction in d world, then u re kidding. Find wat mks u happy in life nd do it, so dt even wen u get married, u won't b expecting ur happiness to com frm a man. Wat is ur problm wen ur husband is nt brutal to u, or u just want to jump out nd start sleepin arnd? Why did u get married initially? Wat were u expecting? Wat has gone wrong? If u jump out nd marry somone else, wats d possibility dt u wont feel ds same way aft one yr? Ask urself these ques. U re d problm. Work on u.
ReplyDeleteHaving a child bring couples closer is absolutely relative because all relationships have their own uniqueness. For me, the cementing factor for my marriage was my attitudinal change to my marriage, then my child came and they marriage became so strong. This being said, I know of many couples that having children have not impActed positively on their marriage at all. Please my sister, what you need to do is call your husband to your bedroom and talk. Communication does wonders to any relationship. Prior to this, let go any pride or grudge with your husband. Pamper him, love him, touch him unexpectedly and worship him. I traet my husband like a mini-God just like Sarah did in the bible, and it has worked wonders...he gives me more money, more sex and best attentiion. At times he exclaims and wonders if I have jazzed him. This has nothing to do with having a baby. Please my dear, bring back the spark in your marriage by studing your man and his temprament. Make an example from women who have had successful marriages and you'll notice the factors I stated earlier have contributed to their successes both marriage and business. Do not give up, it can work. God bless your home, give you peace and bless your life
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is d problem wv yhr marriage??? What is stealing d spark? B's we begin 2 advice. And oh yes, a child cn brng a couple closer dependin on d couple... all ds ppl cmplainin of thr marriages, una no marry 4 love??? toh! Na una sabi sha, cos I dnt undstnd ds questns at times!
ReplyDeleteMy advice to u is to settle d problem b4 bringing baby into d marriage cos once there is problem on ground more keep coming, babies ve there own stress and every marriage face d same @ d early stage.
ReplyDeleteWell I think it depends if the husband is the type dah loves children..
ReplyDeleteIf the marriage is not working leave it now or you regret it.Child or no Child if the spark is not there it won't come back.he is love with another.
ReplyDeleteYes
ReplyDelete~D great anonymous!
Yeah, a child can definitely make a couple remember what they used to be when they start raising the child as a team. Have seen several occasions where a child/baby saved a broken home. It sha depends on the type of husband u married. Does he luv kids? Is he strong headed? If he loves kids and not strong headed then yes, it would work for u. Gudluck
ReplyDeleteYes it wll definitely work 4 ɣ☺υ , try n av a child 4 Ūя̲̅ husbnd den ɣ☺υ can b more closer is a very Ğoº°˚°ºϑ advice
ReplyDeletesorry about your predicament.
ReplyDeleteBUT PLEASE LINDA CAN U KINDLY POST ANY MARRIAGE HAPPY STORY. I AM GETTING MARRIED IN A FEW MONTHS AND ALL THESE STORIES ARE SCARING ME.
THANKS.
Think before u make that costly mistake or u forever live to regret it.
ReplyDeleteIf the marriage is not working leave it now or you regret it.Child or no Child if the spark is not there it won't come back.he is love with another.
ReplyDeleteIt will work,buy de grace of God
ReplyDeletePray and fast abt everythng God will reveal d answer 2 u.
ReplyDeleteYes, the love towards the child can make the couple to compromise their stand and come together to make the child happy.
ReplyDeleteNo dear, A child may not bring you guys closer... With a baby you may be distracted because of all the attention a newborn needs...Now there is no baby, it is an opportunity to start working on the spark, that spark that made you say yes to him ...start working on it again...All the best!
ReplyDeleteRemember to communicate these feelings you are sharing here to him because most of the problems in a home stems up from breach in communication and communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship
follow@bride2mum
A child is sure to cement a union dear..plus jst b prayerful and do those things that used to bring up d spark when u were dating and avoid doing things dat makes him feel immasculated..show him more love,respect and care, men so love attention, they r forever 'BABIES' Plus Linda go to church am off for second service..HIC
ReplyDeleteLinda change ur 'derar'. For the lady, a child can't bring a man n his wife together, you will end up with ur child alone but atleast you can give your marriage a trial. That's a good one, wishing you good luck
ReplyDeleteSorry Lady, I feel ur plight but ryt now m more interested in Denrele Gaddafi, or Denrele Okiemute! He is bleaching badly! Please help my brother! Hahahhah
ReplyDeleteIt depends, n yes pls.
ReplyDeleteI think every marriage should endure at least 5 years. Get a feel from your husband about children. If one comes it may just be a game changer for the better and if not at least you won't walk out with nothing.. the difference between single girls and a divorced girl is? Trust me you don't want to be a "single" girll again. Give it your best. Pray and Fast let the Lord lead you...
ReplyDeleteI think all these women posting about their marriages falling apart should just go inside their houses and go be wives that they should be. What is happening in nigeria now? What's up with all these "the spark has gone from my marriage blablabla". Its getting annoying pls. Just go and marry your husbands shikena wetin sef!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you jare.
Delete100% sure of that! A child brings happiness, it wil connect the both of you back 2gether.
ReplyDeleteCan't advise you because I'm still single, all I can say is you need to pray. Don't have kids out of pity, because being a single mum ain easy
ReplyDeleteAm not an expert in love or marriage ,but I know this,a child doesn't bring people close,rarely even if it does,You may love the child,but your partner you might still feel nothing for.....But If you want your marriage to work,you have to try and fall in love over again with him,find those things that endeared him to you,make him crave you again....but my sister,if nah douche...dump him sorry ass,he doesn't deserve you,remember though,sometimes people fall out of love,its not their fault.
ReplyDeleteKamto Haf Tok
I think you should speak to your hubby to know why the spark is gone. You should both have mutual agreement about having a baby. If children ain't the reason for why the spark is gone, they won't bring it back either. You both might need to speak to you mentor/counsellor. It is well with you.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteAdvice!!! Thats all she asked for ... watch as some people starts throwing derogatory comments! smh in anticipation.
#daveydave
Hmmm i suggest you try getting your groove back on first to be sure at least a little spark before thinking of a child
ReplyDeleteSort out your marriage and when u r ready,u can consider having a child. Don't be selfish.
ReplyDeleteYeah...can, but it all depends th
ReplyDeleteLuipita nyong In sexual scene with 2 men
what is it with marriage issues this days, cant you all try and figure things out, atleast the love was there when he proposed or is it that you are now filled with pride that you cant be submissive to him.
ReplyDeletemy advice for you is that try and think back of those days, maybe there is something you are doing now that he is not pleased with.
Linda don even tire self, dear don turn derar.
She is the problem. She should work on her pride.
DeleteDear your marriage is just barely a year old, I think you guys are still getting to know each other still give it some time and am positive it will work. Try having children it will help.
ReplyDeleteLove, Sparks, Feelings!!!!! All these words do not fit into the institution of marriage. Marriage is responsibility. It is work, work and more work. When people start viewing marriage as responsibility, commitment, work, we will stop having these kind of articles of LIB. As to your question, a child will only worsen the situation because you are yet to come to grips with the concept of marriage. DW.
ReplyDeleteYou will go to heaven
DeleteSorry about your predicament.
ReplyDeleteLinda some of us are getting married this year pls post some happy marriage stories. These ones are discouraging.
God no! Wit a child, ur attention actually gets divided cos u now have someone who really needs ur undivided attention. Plz do not bring a child into a struggling home, even u self tink am. Yes a child can help bring a family closer buh only if the both of u want it, not cos u want to use the child to save ur marriage. Plz u guys shud go see a marriage counselor, its just been a yr, marriage is work, not a walk in d park. The first yr of marriage is always d hardest. Plz woman, work on ur marriage and dnt brng a child into a hostile environment. Gods speed, you'll need it.
ReplyDeletekids dont have the magic wand for a wonderful marriage life, if anything it makes it complicated and all..
ReplyDeleteknow wat is missing in this marriage and fix it, if not dont dont surfer through it with your kid or kids..
Please do not be disillusioned. Children are not miracle workers. Sort your issues out with your hubby first before throwing innocent children into the mix.
ReplyDeleteChildren can make it worse or tie you into something you are not happy in. They will not make it better. If you two cannot deal with/ sort out your small issues now imagine when you have bigger issues with the kids. children should only be brought into a loving nurturing relationship. Until you establish that between you two do not do this to innocent children.
yea ofcouse sis children bring hapness in home's try it and c d diff kud luk#THAT AKWA IBOM BOY
ReplyDeleteChildren bring couple together n also make marriages heathier.What my unty is passing tru now in her marriage is bc of d issue of childlessness(after 22yrs of marriage)
ReplyDeleteMaybe u shld take ur frnd's advise. Lili u don't go to church?
ReplyDeleteIam tired of seeing all these stories on LIB. Biko ask your mother her secret to a lasting marriage. What is spark or not spark. Love is a decision you make irrespective of your partner decision. Marriage is bout putting the other person happiness b4 yours. If you and your husb can communicate bout that, you'll both do things 2make each other happy. Also read the book of Eph 7 and all other scriptures pertaining to marriage and wives. Cos these pattern of stories is becoming to frequent. That's why I advise my friends plan your weDding quietly its the marriage that matters.
ReplyDeleteHoha. Tell them
DeleteIam tired of seeing all these stories on LIB. Biko ask your mother her secret to a lasting marriage. What is spark or not spark. Love is a decision you make irrespective of your partner decision. Marriage is bout putting the other person happiness b4 yours. If you and your husb can communicate bout that, you'll both do things 2make each other happy. Also read the book of Eph 7 and all other scriptures pertaining to marriage and wives. Cos these pattern of stories is becoming to frequent. That's why I advise my friends plan your weDding quietly its the marriage that matters.
ReplyDeletewt rubish linda its high tym u stp postin a nonsens updats 4 ppls comments she shld fix her probs her sef. Gosh!!
ReplyDeleteTry n resolve issue first before child comes in...
ReplyDeleteGud morning Linda... Change ur derar to dear... Ur headline
ReplyDeleteProbably it can
ReplyDeleteWhy do women keep getting in dis situations, a study shud really go into this, is it peer pressure or pressure from parents, a lot of friendship and work and patience, learning should go before saying I do. marriage shud be beautiful, and truth be told Dear, it won't always be Chummy, and u won't like him all the time, same with him, but when in that institution, you need to bring God in, and you need to gist a lot, do plenty aproko and all that so when the spark goes, the friendship lights it again, God help us women really
ReplyDeleteMost times it works...
ReplyDeleteJust pray to God for his guadiance n to direct ur ways.....bt trust me,if a man dosnt lov u wen ur not avin a baby,he also mite not lov u even wen uve got 1....avoid ur children d stress of cumin a painful world witout fatherly lov
ReplyDeleteIs u bealief is gonna work for you. To me, is SURE. ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥♡thanks ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥
ReplyDeleteIs u bealief is gonna work for you. To me, is SURE. ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥♡thanks ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥
ReplyDeleteOjai says" u r feeling this way becos u dont have a child yet. I feel ur marriage is nt going to the rocks. Take ur time and keep trying. Its well with u
ReplyDeleteDont get preggy yet till u pple sort urself out
ReplyDeleteI ve been married 4 7yrs w/o children n my hubby n I re very close so I'm not sure about children bringing couples 2geda. I'll need u 2 ask urself some vital questions, why did I marry my husband? What attracted me 2 him? Do I or did I really love him? Try 2 concentrate on those things u love or like about him, work on urself, open urself to only d beautiful things in ur marraige n ur husband. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking d grass is greener some other place n pls remove every image of marraiges in movies from ur head n try not to compare ur marraige with friends around u. Marraige is a beautiful institution but it's what u make of it. One more thing, let children come at d will of the Almighty n not have them with ulterior motive it may backfire. Lastly pls love urself n love ur husband. Sweet anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI advise you try it. A child is always a blessing
ReplyDeleteIf u feel this way this early in the marriage most likely its nit going to work, hving a child will only make things up
ReplyDeleteMayb u shld take ur frnd's advise. Lili u didn't go to church?
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that many marriages are losing/have lost the very essence that binds them together: LOVE.
ReplyDeleteFirst, before you rush into having a kid (cuz that will be your cross to bear and not those SPECIAL ADVISERS) try and spice things up in the homefront. What do I mean? Couples' counselling, new tricks in the bedroom, a second honeymoon vacation perhaps? Stuff that you guys loved while courting, spontaneous romantic rendezvous etc.
It's worth a try and when the love is rekindled, then you can start thinking or communicating with your husband as regards the kid issue. Hope that helped.
I think you are looking at it from a wrong perspective. A child is not meant to fix a broken marriage. A child born into a marriage that is failing us like bringing a child into a war zone. The stressors of that broken marriage will impact on that child's early development. You've got to understand that a child's early experiences has a tremendous impact on their future relationships, roles and aspirations. Any stress experienced in the marriage automatically affects the child in the womb, so the child is already at a disadvantage before it is born.
ReplyDeletePlease think carefully before you bring a child into your life. Before you put a baby in its crib you make sure the bed is well made and clean. You don't expect the baby to make the bed it's self. They are not equipt with those skills. So it is ridiculous to expect them to solve your problems. A child comes with its own issues that need solving. So in effect you will just be compounding your own issues. You might be in danger of neglecting the child in other to find other ways to solve your marritial issues. I am a public health nurse in uk. I know that the issues faced in Nigeria are some how influenced by culture but please please, a child is not a THING to be used to solve your problems.
Before I forget, indulge in things that interest him which will also connect you two together. For example, watching football actively (making sounds like GOAL) with him if he is a football aficionado, serve dinner in nothing but a short apron, and other romantic gestures. Talk to him, find out how his day went. Call him etc. You'd be pleasantly surprised.
ReplyDeletePls be plain so one can know what to advice u on wht is ur problem feeling for u man or ur childlesness
ReplyDeleteit depends.. its a yes or no answer. in some ways yes. and in other no. Parenting can be tough and stressful. In my own experience it brought us closer. We bonded through the pregnancy and then learned together how to be parents. but my bro is having a totally opposite issue. he wants out the house. can't stand the baby crying all night and his social life to him is gone. so again i really think that what is meant to be will be. couples can somehow try to work it all together. If there is compromise, teamwork, and understanding then yes I do believe that having a child can bring a couple closer.
ReplyDeleteNot true.if it's not working ,then it's not.
ReplyDeleteUl only hurt the child.u both have to make it work or leave the marriage.
I guess it suppose to....children r blessing.. Yea dey should!!!
ReplyDeleteWhy on earth wld u giv a tot 2 breaking up, somtyms marriages are like dat....isn't always a bed of roses. Some pple hv dia drag early in mariage, while som odas....later. Let's not loose our values all of a sudden. Giv it ur best, try n fix things n DIALOGUE, cut dwn on tv time n pay more attention 2 each oda. Pls dnt hold bac on anytin, not even babies....d Joy is AWESOME, u can't imagine it. Gudluck in ur marriage.
ReplyDeleteNoooooooooo. U must marryooooooo. Spark ke? I bet u didnt knw wat marriage is all about before u entered.Go find d spark anywhere. Stupid grl. It wasnt wat u xpected. Pple dey marry nai u urself marry so deal with it. Next news linda
ReplyDeleteMadam, I am gouna have to ask certain question: 1) what attracted u to him? 2) what wus ur idea of marriage before getting into it? 3) are u from a broken home?. Many of our parents got married to their spouses by 'referrals', they never knew each other, they got married and r stil married till date. Young people in this era make marriage seem like silly devilish painful venture! People marry for all the wrong reasons and cry out loud when real life show up! You will lie on ur bed, the way u lay it! Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteIf u tink u do luv him,nd wish to stay wit him foreva,cos marriage is nt just wat u jump into anyow,u tink of d kind of man u want 2 spend d rest of ur lyf wit,fine is true wen u av a baby wit him,u wuld definatly come closer cos its his fruit of joy so gal its ur dicision nt anyone....if u tink u can live wit him 4eva pls get him his joy dats a baby....nd pls b prayerful God will surely mk u smile.... Marriage is nt an easy tin,bt once u re in,u re in..... CHERRY CAMPBEL...
ReplyDeleteMy dear its doesn't work for all.sit him down n stay abt ur problems n b prayerful,dere's nofin impossible for God to Do.
ReplyDeleteFDJ
I think you should find the root cause of the problem before a decision is taken. Check within you what you are doing wrong and do the correction. Have a hearth to hearth discussion with your husband. Try marriage concelling and if that is not possible attend weddings together and listen to the sermon. Discuss the sermon with your husband and do what the sermon directs. Finally take your case to God in prayer and pray together.
ReplyDeletei have been married for four years and i felt the same way you feel but i brought myself to see that being a wife is a lot harder than being a girl friend and if you haven't metamorphosed into being a wife, you feel like you hate the marriage. my advise for you is to pray always and if that is hard for you, then visit the church always for meditations and keep it behind your mind that you have to make the marriage work. ensure your house is clean, make nice meals, pray and get a job if you dont already have one. you will find out that you will feel more needed, fulfilled and responsible and your house will feel like a home to you. it may be hard but keep trying and about having a baby, stabilize your home first.
ReplyDeleteA child would not bring you closer or save your marriage and having one for thos sole purpose is selfish. If anything a baby would put further strain on your already strained relationship. Marriage is hard work but if you both try to make it work, open up to your husband and dont pretend all is fine,you can enjoy rather than endure your marriage when you are both on the same page then its easier to deal with the stress of being a new mom wish you all the best
ReplyDeletei have been married for four years and i felt the same way you feel but i brought myself to see that being a wife is a lot harder than being a girl friend and if you haven't metamorphosed into being a wife, you feel like you hate the marriage. my advise for you is to pray always and if that is hard for you, then visit the church always for meditations and keep it behind your mind that you have to make the marriage work. ensure your house is clean, make nice meals, pray and get a job if you dont already have one. you will find out that you will feel more needed, fulfilled and responsible and your house will feel like a home to you. it may be hard but keep trying and about having a baby, stabilize your home first.
ReplyDeleteYea .. If d child is fyn tho .. :)
ReplyDelete#@totallytatted
Don't. Makes everything more complicated not solve the problem. Till you and ur husband are able to work on urselves and relationship, do not bring an innocent child into that kind of uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteMy dear! the truth is,if you are no longer sure about the marriage then I don't think it would be possible for a child to bring the both of you closer. My question is,why give birth to a child when you no longer believe in the marriage? I can advise you to give birth only if you are willing to make it work. You know your marriage and your man well, raising a child might just bring you two closer only if both of you are willing to try to make things work. Problem with couple of nowadays is that they tend to throw things away instead of fixing. Marriage is for the matured minds because there wl certainly be challenges and how you react to the challenges will determine how strong and how well your marriage will stand the test of time. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteBe sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with him before having a child with him. But my question is dis, did you ever love dis man??? #just wondering#
ReplyDeletemarriage is never what one expects......yes things will phase out even the spark and chemistry sooner or later what you need to do are things that make you happy and relevant.e.g dreamjob, career,business,children,whatever.I am sure you thot that life will be fulfilled when you got married...sorry nothing like that welcome to reality.The problem is not the Man so changing him will not eliminate this phase even with other men.Its just life pele and welcome to the club...
ReplyDeleteFirst be closer to God and pray very well. To God to bring back d spark dt have lost btw u and ur hubby,then u too should bring d spark dt two of u shared wen u re courting. After dt find out how much ur hubby love children if he loves children very much den u can do it. May God help us all in jesus name
ReplyDeletewhoever told u that is inexperienced...children actually bring more challenges to a marriage especially if it's your first. I'd suggest u try to rekindle that romance and work on your marriage before bringing a child into it..tha wont make it better because u will be so focused on the newborn baby..not all advise from outsiders that u should take regarding your marriage
ReplyDeleteMay God help us in dis life oooo. Marriage is making me scared ooo.
ReplyDeleteFirst be closer to God and pray very well. To God to bring back d spark dt have lost btw u and ur hubby,then u too should bring d spark dt two of u shared wen u re courting. After dt find out how much ur hubby love children if he loves children very much den u can do it. May God help us all in jesus name
ReplyDeleteStories like this makes me wonder what was the reason these people got married? Love? Money? Beauty? Fine dude? Etc. No marriage is smooth all the way, there are ups and downs but one thing I know cos am happily married is LOVE keeps you going.
ReplyDeleteAll other reasons for marriage will wear off with time but genuine Love for each other and the great God will sustain it.
A child can bring you guys close to some extent but it will not keep the marriage intact.
i wouldn't advice you to do that. What if after the baby the spark still isn't there ? plus most couples often lose their spark when they get kids. If for anything thing having kids should be the last thing on your mind now. Save you marriage before you make a family.
ReplyDeletei wouldn't advice you to do that. What if after the baby the spark still isn't there ? plus most couples often lose their spark when they get kids. If for anything thing having kids should be the last thing on your mind now. Save you marriage before you make a family.
ReplyDeletei wouldn't advice you to do that. What if after the baby the spark still isn't there ? plus most couples often lose their spark when they get kids. If for anything thing having kids should be the last thing on your mind now. Save you marriage before you make a family.
ReplyDeleteWork on the marriage, not on making a baby. "Trapping" a man is a tried and true tactic that's failed for many a women who thought that having a baby would make a troubled relationship viable. In the end, the man loves his child and still rejects the mother.
ReplyDeleteYou are the problem. You admit your husband is not a brute. Check yourself and submit to him and your Union will be happy again. Stay put in that marrige and God will bless you with beautiful Children and You will remain happy.
ReplyDeleteNo, they don't. You'll ve to dedicate a lot of your time to the child so if you guys weren't close to begin with.........
ReplyDeleteSO SORRY TO USE THIS WORD BUT WHO IS THE "DUMB" FRIEND THAT TOLD YOU THAT CHILDREN BRING PARENTS CLOSER..........THAT IS 100% WRONG. CHILDREN BRING STRAIN TO A MARRIAGES BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GIVE ALL YOUR ATTENTION TO THE CHILD.
ReplyDeleteIF THE MARRIAGE IS ALREADY STRONG, AND A CHILD IS BROUGHT IN, THE MARRIAGE CAN SUSTAIN BECAUSE THERE IS A STRONG FOUNDATION IN THE MARRIAGE BEFORE THE CHILD CAME IN.
BUT IF THE MARRIAGE IS NOT STRONG.........
NUMBER 1 -THE HUSBAND AUTOMATICALLY GETS LESS ATTENTION FROM THE MOTHER WHICH SOMETIME CAUSES JEALOUSY FROM THE HUSBAND.
NUMBER 2 - LESS SEX....WELL, AT LEASE FOR THE FRIST FEW MOUTHS.
NUMBER 3- THE MAN HAS TO PROVIDE, IN THE CASE THAT HE CANT OR STRUGGLING OR IS DRAGGING FEET, ARGUMENTS BEGIN.
NUMBER 4- WHEN THE HUSBAND FEELS NEGLECTED, HE HAS A HIGHER CHANCE OF STEPPING OUT....SEEKING FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL GIVE HIM THE ATTENTION HE IS LACKING AT HOME.
NUMBER 5 - AS THE WOMAN, YOU NOW HAVE TO LOOK AFTER THE BABY, COOK, CLEAN, RUN ERRANDS ETC .......DONT FORGET, YOU ALSO HAVE TO LOOK AFTER YOUR HUSBAND AT THE END OF THE DAY.
IF YOUR MARRIAGE FOUNDATION IS NOT SOLID....PLEASE DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING CHILDREN INTO THE EQUATION, YOU WILL ONLY END UP FEELING WORSE.
FRIST OF ALL, SORT OUT YOUR MARRIAGE, GO FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELLING (I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAD COUNSELLING SESSIONS BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED) IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN, YOU CAN DO THAT IN CHURCH, IF NOT, YOU CAN DO IT PROFESSIONALLY OR GET AN ELDER PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCED AND TRUSTED BY BOTH OF YOU, WHO CAN TALK, COUNSEL AND GUIDE YOU BOTH.
BOTH OF YOU SHOULD ADMIT YOUR FAULTS AND BE READY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR . REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU TOOK YOUR VOWS, IT WAS FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. SO WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE AND KEEP YOUR WOMB CLOSED FOR NOW (YOU CAN OPEN YOUR LEGS FOR YOUR HUSBAND .....LOL).
KEEP AT IT DEAR
OPK
A child can never bring u closer.
ReplyDeleteGet pregnant and have a baby, it will probably bring you both together or tear you both apart the more....the best thing is to go for marriage counseling.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you said you don't want to get pregnant and you want him to be happy,my dear give him a child and see if he will not change.
ReplyDeletePls dnt bring a child into this mess cos it won't help, u r goin to cus urself more pain, bn pregnant, raising a child unhappy is more depressing. Am pregnant and aving issues with my fiance and it's nt bn easy, sometimes I wish I culd turn back the hands of time.. Dear LIB readers pls I need Linda's email I'd, I need to share my story. Thank you
ReplyDeleteA child does not always bring people together. It's 50/50. Goodluck to ya'll.
ReplyDeleteIt does...
ReplyDeleteNo it won't draw u closer, this is what will happen. U will transfer all ur live to that child once he is born
ReplyDeleteGod help person oo,i keep praying for a husband, stories like this makes someone scared,just one year seriously? I think a child would bring both of u closer tho,pls don't give up.
ReplyDeleteNo child will ever be born and bring it's parents close, if it was never there in the first place. Never think to use a child as a bargaining tool. You will only hurt yourself and bring a child who will hate you more than it will hate him.
ReplyDeleteMwaha.
Yeah... A child can actually bring a Couple closer...I'm 99.9% Sure about that
ReplyDelete~Beautiful lopez~
Hello dear, know that you are not alone. I am currently in that state too.
ReplyDeleteI have come to realise that marriage is tough bcos these are two diff.pple from diff.background & history trying to live as a couple forever. I believe too that having child wud help my marriage bcos we both will have someone to focus on & care for. And children bring a lot of joy & one begins to see the tender side of a man when he has a child. My advise to you is that do not give up on your marriage, open your mind to be happy & love your hubby no matter what. Remember the 1st five years of marriage are the toughest... Your worries would soon be a thing of the past. And pray always.
Try talking to ur man and may go for a trip just d two of u in dis way u could fix things
ReplyDeletemy dear pray to God to intervene in your marriage....and i really support you gettin pregnant,it will spark up a positive nerve in your hubby...
ReplyDeletetrust me dear, a child would only pull you wide part. if you want one have one but dont think it would ever make your marriage better. Work on your marriage and pray to God that it gets better.
ReplyDeleteB loyal to him. That is all he wnt u do
ReplyDeleteDON'T TRY IT. IRON OUT YOUR PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU BRING AN INNOCENT CHILD INTO THIS WORLD THAT WOULD NOT BE LOVED. YOU CAN SEE I'M TYPING IN CAPS WHICH I DID FOR A PURPOSE.
ReplyDeleteMost ladies in Nigeria are now getting married because of family pressure, that is the cause of all the stories we read in this blogs. ( men too ) Dear ladies and gentlemen, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN DON'T!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMost ladies in Nigeria are now getting married because of family pressure, that is the cause of all the stories we read in this blogs. ( men too ) Dear ladies and gentlemen, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN DON'T!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy dear its @ ds beginning stage u face al kinds of problems! The truth is the Devil isn't happy about Marriage cos that's God's Plan for Man"wen 2 becum one""wen 2 agree God wil move in action"dt ws why Eve ws created in d 1st place for Adam! And u knw wat Satan did!so my dear jst be prayerful and jst knw that ds is d worse it cn be it wil get betr!afta all u guyz r getin to knw ursefs ds is why u r havn differences!pls bring bak dt spark neva neva let it die cos it wil be difficult to bring it bak! BE VERY PRAYERFUL!!!and look attractive to him dress sexy to entice him do stuffs abeg...xoxo Charmie
ReplyDeleteEdo gal. You will discover that the cuteness of a baby is to help evolution, so that humanity cannot become extinct. Children are hard work. Very very hard. It is hard work that makes them cute and make them grow up into well adjusted people that are a blessing to both parents and community at large. Go and ask your mother. If you are already having problems with your husband , how do you think a crying ,demanding ,totally dependant on you, living ,breathing ,eating ,poo machine can make matters better. You dey dream. Abeg slap yourself out of that dream. It is a solid marriage that bring forth good fruit. As a woman you should have a maternal instinct to protect your unborn children , not use them to solve your problems. That is just selfish. Listen to the good advise people have put up here and halt your wicked plan to bring a child to solve your problems.
ReplyDeleteOh Lord, im very scared of dating not to even talk of getting married,Lord Help me. Many people who are married lately are not happy, this is very sad :(
ReplyDeleteY
ReplyDeleteLook dear I've been married well over 6 years and I can tell you that kid(s) make it better. Its not a mistake that they are called 'bundles of joy'. When I'm unhappy about stuff,the smiles on my sons' faces,their arms around my neck and their innocent happy laughter just bring back my life (literally I mean). This happiness I get from them rubs off on their father and somehow we get back in line. There'll never be a time in your marriage when it will be ALL rosy. Believe me. Marriages are constantly worked at. Having a kid,someone that binds you together and someone you both can stick in there for is it. So go ahead and have a baby ASAP! Goodluck.
ReplyDeleteIts stories like this that interest me the more because it gives a you a wake up call and also makes us to stop living in denial, you tend to realise that marriage is not a bed of roses because a lot of people enter into this institution thinking that oh! It's going to sweet all the time! Well to me the bibles' account is just the answer to anything cos it gives examples of different tins E.G of Good and Bad wives, what they did to make their homes and what did to mar their homes. So most definitely proverbs 31 solves it all and tell me if any of these ladies adhere to the Bibles' admonitions their husbands will worship the feet they walk on and God will bless their homes d more.. Lastly whatever we become in life is as a result of the choices we make. .. So it's simple, Garbage in Garbage out, it's simple computer philosophy!
ReplyDeleteHave you not heard of a band-aid baby? That's what you are planning to have and unfortunately it never fixes anything, it makes it worse. I've seen it so many times and trust me if you have issues in your relationship, they will double or triple when a baby comes. Don't bring an innocent child in, fix your marriage first!
ReplyDeleteWhy tie yourself down with a man dat you do not love. When you bring children into the situation you will tie yourself in bondage in a loveless marriage. Domestic violence is not just about physical force. It can be emotional abuse too. I know of a lot of women tied down in these sort of marriages and every day they compromise a little bit more of themselves until there is notting left of them. But the tittle good wife. And a house girl you can verge your frustrations on. It's not worth it. Walk out of that marriage , if it is not for you.
ReplyDeleteA child could bring about a change
ReplyDeleteNo NO NO, speaking from experience o
ReplyDeletePlease don't bring an innocent child into all this. A newborn child will bring further stress and if you are not in love with your husband, you will further have less time for him after the child. Good luck! But, please don't have a child for a stupid reason abeg!!
ReplyDelete@edo gal which level na! Who u think say dey that ur monkey boat. This gal has common sense and is asking opinion she's not in your monkey banana boat. . Go and have baby now and u will feel the tender side of the mans hand on ur silly face. And u will deserve it. Daft Edo girl. Mchew! Not only tender side. Yeye fowl
ReplyDeleteHaving a baby is a blessing but cannot be used to mend the tension between you and your husband. You need a lot of love patience and devotion. Please start now. Count your blessings,appreciate what you have and blessings will flow in. You are newly wed and you have many blissful years ahead but everyone knows marriage is not a bed of roses.When babies come they will be additional blessing to the marriage. Go forth in joy.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the best for kids to have their home broken, but neither is it any better if they live in a home where there is no love lost between their parents. Fix your relationship first. At least try to identify the source of the issues and work toward resolving them. The truth is that sometimes bringing a baby into the picture might actually worsen the divide between you both. When you have a child, there are emotional and physical challenges that might come with childbirth. How might he react to those? How will you if you already have problems with him? Truth is you cannot predict what might come after and even if having a child helps things for a bit, if the fact that you don't yet have a child is not the root cause of the issues between you, then things may go from bad to worse if those issues are left unfixed. You are busy listening to friends, when the person you should be talking to is your hubby. Have you even bothered to ask him what he thinks about having a child at this point. Seek counseling if necessary, but kids are best brought into the picture when the union between parents is already founded on good communication, understanding,love and respect and not as a hopeful panacea that will rectify all things wrong in a troubled home. If kids automatically brought some kind of untouchable joy to married couples, all the divorced ones who had kids would have had an epiphany and stayed together living happily ever after. Kids need a loving environment, where the love is not just being shown to them by both parents, but where they can see and feel that love between their parents. The worst thing you can do is to bring a child/children into a home that is already unhappy. It is your duty to provide them a happy, comfortable and stable environment, not the innocent child's duty to help make you a happy, comfortable and stable home. All that said, Good luck.
ReplyDeleteTHERE IS A POSSIBILITY IN IT. AND IT WOULD BE WORTH THE TRY.
ReplyDeleteTHERE IS A POSSIBILITY IN IT. AND IT WOULD BE WORTH THE TRY.
ReplyDeleteTHERE IS A POSSIBILITY IN IT. AND IT WOULD BE WORTH THE TRY.
ReplyDelete