Dear LIB readers: I don't want any more kids but that's the condition for getting married again
From a female LIB reader
I am a 39 year old divorcee with three lovely kids. I'd given up on love and romance when this man suddenly showed up in my life four years ago. We've been engaged for two years now but he insists the only way he would go ahead with a wedding is if I'm willing to give him children. I don't want any more children. I have a 13 year old, a 12 year old and a 9 year old and the last thing I want is to get pregnant again. My fiance doesn't have any kids of his own and says he wants at least two.
I love this man to death and he is good to my children but the thought of being pregnant again makes me suicidal. What do I do? Should I let him go?
This woman is selfish and very wicked. So d man shld not av his own children abi,wicked woman.leave him 4 single ladies dat re ready 2 gv him all he wants. Rubbish. Ur story is very annoying.
His gud to ur children nd u luv him...wat is luv? if u can't sacrifise gettn pregnant for him that dosent even hav one.its either u let him go meet who is ready to giv birt to more dan two for him dan waste his tym nd been selfish.if u don't even marry again u hav ur kids to make ur entire life happy
if you can't give him a child free him, don't be selfish. My best friend marry a 40yr old woman when he was 37, the woman is now 44 yet to get pregnant. He just got his 33yr old mistress pregnant at 41. hes not planing on telling his wife
If you really love this man the way you've expressed it, and both your finances can cater for all 5 kids( the 3 you have already and the two he is asking of you) I see no reason why you are developing a cold feet.
It is rather selfish of you not to have kids for him. he has none from his loins, you have three. c'mon!
Madam,if u love him dis much like u claim,pls give him a child,u don't expect him to train another man's kids and be happy in the marriage,he loves u and ur kids,all he asks frm u is to have his own children wit u bcus he adores u and u don't want to comply,stop being selfish and make ur man happy if u truely love him dt mch.lovi says so.
Life is give and take. He luvs ur children and makes u happpy so why can't u giv him just two kids? No man is father christmas that'll marry u without wanting his own children and accepting kids from another man. U dnt luv him to death as u claim cos if u do, u won't think twice b4 getting pregnant 4 him. I urge u to take a bold step and embrace him. Dnt worry about d two kids u'l have for him, they'l be even finer than u expect. U'r evn lucky to find a man like him. Sweetie! Life itself is a risk. Forget ur fears and dance 2d music or back out of his life which I'm sure u can't do. If ur church will not wed u then go to another church.
if you truly love him to death you should be willing t give him children, even if it kills you. You say he is great with your children and i understanding him wanting his own. Love compromises.
U sound selfish, u already hv 3 kids and he doesn't hv any? And still u don't want 2 give him his own kids. U can't eat ur cake and have it...u simply don't love him
I understand how u feel but the thing is do u want more babies?????!!!!!. I ask because I am divorced and my last baby is 16.I do not want more kids but if I fall in love again and the man has no kids and wants us to....then I will. Make up your mind about what u really want.
Its easier to accuse her of being selfish esp if u have not gone thru pregnancy and child rearing. I perfectly understand what u are saying, im married with 2 kids - a gal and a boy, my hubby wants one more cus he grew up as an only child, left to me, im done with having babies, i want my life and body back...but Love conquers all fears. Let the love u have for him conquer all ur fears, take the baby steps, discuss your fears and worries with him. After all you have gone thru its scary having another child and facing the unknown of : what if he walks out like ur ex-husband, can u handle 4 kids alone? If u truly can not go pass this point, let him go. There are divorcees out there that want only companionship too...men that have their own kids and all they want is love and companionship...wish all the best babe...hugs
OK so when you said the thought of you being pregnant again makes you "suicidal"...what that mean????What's wrong with your womb(or whatever)woman???Dont go killing yourself all for making a lover "happy"...amean if that's literal though(suicidal)DAMN!!!
Babe No Sista you guys aren't compatible move on and let him look for a sweet 16 to give him kids. don't deserve yourself with love it won't be long before he starts telling you he is tired of taking here of his step children they are old enough to go to there father blah blah blah. Move on and "thank me later".. Blog Heart.
@ikwerreboy ur brains r made of peanut butter n nuts... N itz still on dys same blog one fool came to complain dt er broda wntz to marry a woman wiv two kids n most of u supported er. Stupid do u knw y dys one iz divorced? Una tink sa una da oyinbo land abi? Beta wake up dys iz Africa, dis iz NIGERIA!!! No nigerian man will marry dt lady wivout wntin ez own child.....STUPID. Saddiest oshi
I am in the same situation but I had to let the guy go. I have 4 kids already and can't imagine being pregnant one more time. I love to get married again but I can't!!!! If you don't want more kids, let him go.
Stop bein selfish my dear! Since d guy luvs U and is willing to take care of 5 children, give it to him abeg. If U luv him dat much, U wuld want to always see him happy. U knw dat if he were in Ur shoes, he wuld go to any length to make U happy too. Abi U no want husband? Me I want Ooooo. Abi Linda?
Linda not only wants husband, she craves for a husband. Thiis gurl dey fall Linda hand sha. If dis man even wants 10 kids Linda ready to pop dem out. @ 32 she dey vex 4 dis woman. Looool
It's very easy to think of his love as conditional but you need to understand the angle he is coming from. As a man he needs children of his own. If you could, do give him one or two.
My dear,,don't be selfish... Give him kids or leave him alone... U already hav 3 nd he has none... As long as ur fear isn't medically related den derz no excuse.. Yours,,Mine,,nd Ours hav different meanings.. U grab? MYRAYA
So he should take care of your bastards as his own? They answer their father's name don't they? You are a selfish old woman. I don't understand people like you who only think of themselves. You obviously don't love this guy or else there would be no confusion... please leave him alone for better women.
Be wise enough to make your words soft because life has a way of making pple chew their words...if u have NEVER carried a child in your womb, you have NO business commenting on this topic...go wash the dishes boy
You are a very selfish woman. You should have been the one asking if he needs kids. So you have enjoyed looking at the product of your loins and cuddling them and you don't want him to have the same privilege? No problem. Please step aside.
If u dnt want d dude,I'm available,a man without kids dt can L♥√ع u wen he knws u hv kids,good 2 ur kids den loves u,what more do u want..if u dnt want him dere re plenty younger nd unencumbered women dt will give him a child in a heartbeat.be wise jarre!!
D solution to dis matter is simple madam.I think he wud luv d arrangement of u letting him to go and get kids outside and bring home for all of u to live happily ever after. Anu mpama. Kwarangida no be luv
Kinda understand your predicament. Met this guy, love him. I have three kids, he has two. He is divorced. The ex has custody of his kids. He wants to marry me. I said no, because I don't think he will be happy helping me raise mine while his just visits during their summer breaks. I tied my tube and cannot have anymore.. He does not understand how frustrating it will be for him ....I think if I could have more, it will be easier to raise all together... But, I love him and I know he loves me too..
Don't get pregnant again!....I repeat don't get pregnant again....Ignore any advice telling you to get pregnant at 39 especially when you have 3 children already...If you truly love this man you would kindly end the relationship else na ojuju calabar you go born o...Apart from increased risk of breast cancer,the baby has a very decent chance of having down syndrome or any other genetic/chromosomal abnormalies....I have said my own
I know the risk of fetal anomalies increases with age, but medically aside, don't be selfish...he has no child to call HIS own. It's either bare him at least 1 child, or simply let him go.
Emmmmmm if he has good to u and ur kids like u said, and u are not ready to compromise, abeg pass am to me..
Mstweee mumu, do u think u what u are saying is reasonable??? U have 3 and he has non!! Do u have an idea what how many single, no children will do to bag a man at all.. Like I said abeg instead of killing ur self, u can make some1 like me happy... Pass am to me
This stort sounds fictious to me but if true yhe woman in question is a retard ,u want the man to be childless abi ,by the time he may have trained those children from ur former husband'' they must still go back to their father house and this good sameritan will remain childless , to me , its a wickedness .they way people reason and think atimes baffled me why cant she go for a (divorcee man) that have already have kids ,this story sucks sha
Abeg, don't have kids to please your man or anyone else! If you give birth and resent your child, the same preachers making noise here will shower u with hateful comments. If he wants children badly, then he needs to find a mate who doesn't have any of his own or a mate who wants to have more kids. Your life, your body, your decision!
My dear seek Gods counsel. Don't make any decisions based on sentiment or feelings. Once married all bets are off, you have to submit. I understand not wanting more kids, not every woman likes the process of child bearing, it's not a crime. Be level headed about this. The most important people are your kids and you. You SHOULD be happy, making sacrifices could lead to resentment and bitterness to him or any baby that you may have. Don't do it to please him if you are not happy,
I think you first have to identify exactly what makes you "suicidal" about another pregnancy. Did you have a bad experience with previous pregnancies (such as extreme morning sickness, vomiting, headaches, etc)? Are you afraid of carrying a child to term nearing 40? Are you just tired of raising children and don't want to do it anymore?
What exactly are you afraid of?
Once you identify what the fear is, then you can work through it with him and figure out a resolution.
If there are no concrete fears and you're just tired of raising children and don't want to do it anymore, perhaps this man is not for you. My dear, good men are hard to find. Your man has shown the level of his commitment with an engagement ring.
It's time for you to decide whether he's worth putting aside your fears for...
Stop being selfish and self centered and give him wat every man is proud of.....his kids. 5 kids ain't a large number cause if my ajeboh mom cud raise my siblings and I then y can't u?
That is being selfish not wanting kids knowing he has never had any. At the end of the day your kids have a dad so he is only amster dad. Two more wouldn't hurt. If not find a man who doesn't want kids. I like the fact that he is honest about iit from day one.
Pls just 1 question...wetin d man marry u for???abi u b toy??madam start producin 4 broz ooo,time no dey...u open mouth say u don't want to have kids,no just provoke me ooo!!linda pls talk to her jaree!
This is not a matter to debate on att all. The most important pple here are you and ur kids. Think about the effect is going to have on u and them if u want to please this guy, probably u are going to end upp displeasing 4 pple just to pls 1 person. Am in the same situation, mine is even 1 but I made upp my mind because i do not want to have more kid or kids not even half because i do not want kids from diff papas. What happens if this guy's love suddenly disappears because love dey expire here for western world and u will end upp a single mum to 4 or 5kid from 2 diff fathers.Is that what u want for your life? My advice is look for a guy that matches your profile and let this guy gooooooooooo. Linda post my comment oooo.
Am sorry but I think ure bn selfish ! I once met a very handsome rich guy, he was an every woman s dream , if had took him home to my parents am sure they wld hve bn so happy dt I made d rite choice. He was a medical doctor @ NMH in Manchester but a divorcee with 4children nd I was 39 neva bn married nd ds guy wanted to marry me but does not want any children!hey! I want to be married some day with kids! nd I told him he was selfish nd dts how we ended it. Today am married to a local champion ,not rich , no class sef! But am so happy nd fufilled , ve got two cute boys @ 42 to show off. So pls gve d man space thr r so many girls out thr dt wld gve him babies.
Ahdaisy Jayde Sorry if I sound rude... But I feel you are asking a very rhetorical question. Or what do you want to hear?
I mean, come on! Seriously? You shud have been done with this guy 20 years ago!
Ladies pls stop wasting your time. I dnt support Kim K, but when she realized Kris wasnt for her, she was done. 72 days and it was over. I dnt support divorce but I said that to say that we women, while dating shud know when to Z snap their fingers at a guy and point to the left!
U r a very selfish person. I pray d man sees u for who u are and goes for sme1 else. Don't u think d man's mum wld even want grandchildren???? U don't love this man at all.
Depending on how old u are, getting pregnant may not be d best thing 4 ur health. If una dey outside Naija & get money, I for say u shld consider surrogacy. Anyway, u may really talk to ur man & explain ur feelings abt getting pregnant. Some of our pple r so insensitive abt this - as d comments here clearly show - but not all women want to be pushing out offsprings like animals. I have one child & lost every desire to have more even though husband & I had initially agreed on 2. We talked and talked abt it & he chilled. So, try d talking. Also, be willing to have something to negotiate with. Maybe agree to having one more kid; dat may make ur decision easier for him to understand. Good luck
Kris Jenner (Kim Kardashian's mum) had 4 children with her first husband and two for the second husband. They are still married. It would be selfish of you to have your own kids from another man and expect this man not to have his. Remember he has a choice to go for a woman with no 'baggage' so to speak. Let him go if you don't intend to have kids for him. Cos if you marry him and he sees you never had the intention of bearing his children, not only would he hate you for deceving him, he'd go and have these kids outside and your marriage may eventually pack up. So what would you have gained except the title of two-time divorcee?
Madam, u have your own kids n dont want him to??? If you Love him, u dont have to be 'stingy' wiv your own concern. So u dont want him to father his own child n take care of yours??? My dear, if you cant give him a child, dont deceive yourself, that is NOT Love! No man will take u like dat, dont be deceived. He might accept now n believe me, you wont enjoy the marriage cos issues will come up as a result of this! GIVE HIM A CHILD or LEAVE HIM ALONE! WHAT GAN SEF???? PELE SHA!
Madam, If ur spirit is telling u not 2 get pregnant again, then don't becos marriage is not abt children, didn't he knw u had children b4 thinking of dating u, so y conditioning u? Since children is his ultimate goal in marriage, he shudnt hav fallen in luv wit a woman wit 3 kids already, he shud rather marry a sweet 16. Sincerely speaking, if u giv him children, problems will arise as regards equal luv 4 his own children n initial ones.
yes stop being selfish since the guy love u and u do too, and above all u have ur own kids, and he doest pls, just try and understand with him with love on his own side and consider him too since he has none.
just talk over it with him, dont pouch him away, you have and he need his too, let God be everything in whatever u do. children is the happiness in marriage, so my dear have a thought of mine and consider him.
Please let him go jare, den introduce us please, ill bear as many kids as possible for him. U never hear say man no dey,and u don go before,but we still dey find one. Please. Pass him over
Madam, dat suicidal thoughts is from d pit of hell. Love is more on sacrifice. U re so lucky to meet a man that still hv ur interest@heart even afer 3. Give him his desire & stop being selfish with ur thoughts...or better still, give him space.
Put urself in his shoes for a minute, ud want urs too if u were himself, aft all my guess is he'd tk care of ur kids so an addition of jst one or two of which ud luv is not a bad idea. Oh and don't get me wrong, I guess ur fear is tht ure scared tht snc d first didn't wrk out, wats d guarantee that the present wud? But dear, Life is a Risk, all thru so God has a plan for every1. Be optimistic after all... ~D great anonymous!
What is love without sacrifice! Atleast he is not asking for the impossible. I sense selfishness on her part otherwise you have no reason to deny him kids.
My dear, reverse the situation. If it were you in his shoes and your dear love told you he's not interested in having more kids, won't you feel frustrated? Either way, don't be selfish: You give him kids if you want to keep him or you let him go if the thought of getting pregnant again seems sucidal to you. Somebody's got to give in or let go.
P.S. But what were you thinking when you hooked up with a man with no kids??? You thought he won't he wouldn't pop up the big question? So you thought that the love he has for your kids will stop him from wanting to have his? Every man, i mean every man would love to have kids of his own one day even if he loves other children (nephews, stepkids, friends'kids ) to pieces. We women can reason so funnily at times lol Getting pregant at 39 though....
Praise the name of the Lord. He is worthy to be praised. How many Christians truly worship and praise the Lord of Hosts. Are you the type of Christian who would spend one hour in asking from God, thirty minutes in firing at the enemy and two minutes in worshiping and thanking the KING OF KINGS? His word clearly says in the book of Psalms chapter 100 verse 4( psalm 100:4) that we should enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful to him, and bless his name. Why can't we spend time to praise THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. If it were to be the president, we would be ready to lie down flat on the floor, how much more THE I AM THAT I AM. Jesus died for us and gave us a free gift of salvation, how often do we exalt his HOLY name. Let's begin to thank him for all he has done, is doing and yet to do. Praise the EVERLASTING KING!
If u don't want kids, then leave space for the younger, single and available girls out there who are ready and strong to bear the children! Why do you want to monopolize him? You want a husband without fulfilling one of the duties that come along with being a wife? Why don't u try a divorcee just like you who's also got kids of his own? I believe you'll be fine. I don't think he will bother you with any more kids. Best of luck!
I won't go all out and call u selfish,.....oh wot d hell u r selfish. U meet a man u luv and who loves u bck, only problem e wantz a child u doesn't. Tink abt it, every man no mata aw civilized wntz a child of his own, wotz d gaurantee dt u will find a man dt won't wnt kids? Only if e has one of ez own already doe. My dear u cnt ve it all. Quit d relationship if u really feel u dnt wnt a child buh before u do plz be sure of xctly wot u giving up.
It's true that at almost 40,getting pregnat is sucidal. Let him go. He 'd definitely end up having what he wants somewhere else. The age factor on your side is a big problem.
if you scared another pregnancy may be risky for you, then make sure your pregnancy is followed abroad cos our hospitals here...hmmm. At least, there they have the latest material, competent doctors and very good and thorough follow-ups. See Halle Berry; she had her 1st kid in her eary 40s if i'm not mistaken and now she's 44 expecting baby n° 2 and she looks good!And she's diabetic for that matter! BUT that's a lot of money. So if u 've got that cash, go for it, if u no get that kind money, sit down and reflect cos getting pregnant at 40... i shudder myself at the very idea.
1.Pray and fast for God's guidiance. 2.don't lie to youself. 3.Consider the income situation of taking care of your kids if anything happens.I want you to know that if your marriage failed once,it can fail again.4.don't sweep any bad attitude of your fiance under the carpet all in the name of love that could be of danger to you in future. 5. Does he love you as much as you love himm if not more...pleas take your time before taking any decision,you have a lot of thinking to do. Its not easy to cgo through with the 9 months again but you have done it before and can still do it again successfully,so that should be the last of your worries as far as you are in perfect condition. All the best.
She dey fear 2 start 4rm scratch*nursing mother* hehehehehe,sister mi gaan marry dt man nd gv him d 2kids he wants sinc u love him nd wuldnt want him unhappy.gbam# + don't worry God myt suprise u wit twins sef.
U sound so selfish, put ur self in hiss shoes and ask urself if you will agree 2 not having kids. Dis is not US where such men exist, count urself lucky 4 meeting a man dat is willing 2 marry u after 3 kids. No Naija man will accept anoda man's child as his own except one who is impotent.
Woman, u're being selfish here. Who won't want a child of his own? If u don't want to lose the man,give him a child and honestly he will double the love he has for u and ur kids. He will be more committed. Otherwise, leave him to go. Many girls are willing to give him what he wants.
What to do is ti Leave dis guys to go find a woman dat can give him children. D children u hvae dose not carry his DNA, and yet all u can say is to selfishly marry u and remain childless? Pls imagine UR elder brother telling of his intention to marry such a woman like u, am sure u will advise him to go for a woman who will give him children. Pls leave him alone if u will not give him children especially if he is asking for dat.
WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM: HIS CARE OR MONEY? JUST LET HIM BE IF YOU CANT MAKE HIM HAPPY. U CAN MOVE ON WITH HIM IF YOU WILL ALLOW HIM HAVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU AND WHO WILL GIVE HIM AS MANY KIDS AS HE WANTS AND THAT WILL LIVE YOU TO HAVE LITTLE OR NO ATTENTION AGAIN. REMEMBER, ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER.
You are approaching menopause and I hope you won't later agree to his choice when your own chance of getting pregnant has become very slim. Otherwise better let him go now and find someone else. True love is about sacrifice and there is no limit to what you can sacrifice for love. If you love him, give him children, and that will make him happy.
My Dear, there is notin to be worried abt, once u knw u truely love him, bcos wat matter is love and he truely loves u too, and he hav been wit u 4 sum yrs nw, only d tin u hav to do is to make him happy, bcos love goes wit happy. So pls allow him
If the thought of having more kids really makes you feel so bad, it may be better to leave him and just wait till you find a much older guy probably divorced or widowed who does not want any more kids then you marry that one. You obviously dont love him as 'unconditionally' as you imagine you do if the though of kids is making you feel this bad. In the two years of being engaged to him, you have actually had a long time to think about this issue. its best to let him go and get on with his life because he trully is not being selfish by asking to have his own children with you. Most men will NEVER marry a divorced woman with three kids! So he must really love you. Good luck in any decision you take. It will end in praise.
As you love him to death, then be ready have kids for him as he said maybe two. Make it an agreement between each other. By the way watch out the man as well, make he love to death because some men mind do change gradually after marriage or child birth. I don't want know normally twist their brain and mind. Study him and understand each other even to perfection. Discuss lengthy about both of you future which all lies in the marriage.
I understand where you are coming from. To have kids at 39 isn't the best health wise..complications and all that. See your doctor, he or she is your best adviser. If you are certified fit, abeg give the man what he wants.
I thnk I undastnd y she's scared..she was a single mother of 3 n m sure she went thru hell 2 carter 4 d kids..her fear is dat d man myt disapear again afta havin 2kids 4him..she's thnkin of takin care of 5kids all by hersef if somthin go wrng wit d marriage..well jst talk2 God n listen 2 wat he says
As you love him to death, then be ready have kids for him as he said maybe two. Make it an agreement between each other. By the way watch out for the man as well, make sure he love you to death because some men mind do change gradually after marriage or child birth. I don't know want normally twist their brain and mind, perception and understanding of love. Study him and understand each other even to perfection. Discuss lengthy about both of your future endeavour which all lies in the marriage.
my dear having 5kids is not a big deal,dnt be suicidal just remeber someone you knw who has got none, so embrace love and embrace the thought of having two tiny feets running around your home once more. they bring so much happiness you know *winks
Lady, i'd say let him go. Bear in mind that besides you not wanting to have more children, they (children) might not even be in the cards for you considering your age. Just my 2 cents.
U are a definition of selfish!!! Rily u shud not ave wasted his time...cos u shud know he wud want his...seeing ur kids is enuf for him to want kids...so pls stop d excuse and do the right thing. We all can help who we fall in love with, wot matters is ow much we will to sacrifice
love is selfless if you really love him give him kids, you could do ivf to have twins because i don't think he would want only one biological child since you are afraid of getting pregnant if not pls let him go.
you dont know what you want, period! Pass him on to me, am willing to give him six children. you better get hold of your man if you really want him. other wise he moves on . am sure he is not getting any younger.
Being pregnant no be beans oh,its tiring abeg.but wait oh Linda, dis woman like d sex part I guess nd yet she doesn't want d man to feel like a real man, mtcheeeew!!!! What a waste of SPERM. Selfish woman.
Eyaaaaaah I undastnd u, I stopped child bearing at d age of 30 nd I have 3kids. The thought of getting pregnant again scares me. 9mnths no be beans oh!!!! Pls leave d man to look for a younger girl who doesn't think of pregnancy as suicidal
Being pregnant no be beans oh,its tiring abeg.but wait oh Linda, dis woman like d sex part I guess nd yet she doesn't want d man to feel like a real man, mtcheeeew!!!! What a waste of SPERM. Selfish woman.
its not a matter of life and death...let the man go and believe God that you will meet a man more suitable for you...in my books, if a couple have different visions, then they are not suitable for each other...your last child is 9 years old and the thought of getting pregnant again is making you suicidal which is reasonable especially if you had put a closure to that part of your life- child bearing, nursing and training. it is a big deal and you should be in the best psychological state to even consider it otherwise you might end up resenting the man you love so much now. wish you the best in whatever you eventually decide to do.
So u are happy to tell us you have 3 lovely kids and doesn't want ur fiance to tell people too that his got lovely kids,if u truly love that man,u will give him not just a kid but the 2kids he has demanded for.
honestly i think having a total of five children isn't a bad idea ,if u love him like you say you do then you wuld bear him a child that wuld b the symbol of your love
This man sef try 0,he wan marry madam with three pikin,anyway sha,I understand u n0t want 2 be pregnant again,but u ve 2 c0nsider him,he will need children 0f his 0wn...
how can you let him go?that shouldnt be an option atal..if you love him give a a child.dont be selfish.love is not selfish,love is kind.its not easy to find true blove so dont let this go becos of ur own selfish reason.i wish u all the best.
if you let go of this guy cos of ur stubborness to give him a child u will never find anyone like him so stop being selfish good men are hard to find!!!!! from a sister to another sister
My dear let him go, but bear it in mind that the times we are in you are NOT going to meet a man like him again. Unless you are not telling the truth here, that there is more to this story that meets the eye. He needs his own children, one day ur ex can come and decide to take his children so where will he stand then? if you can not give him at least one then leave him be.
Haba,don't be stingy with kids jor,God has given u a second chance,don't mess it up. He's a guy 4 crying out loud and would want his own kids too like u
He is good to your kids and you dont want to have for him, YOU ARE JUST BLOODY SELFISH! Do you think its easy for a man to look after kids that are not his own? Whatever floats your boat though, you have seen the guy that is your spec and you are still being choosy. Goodluck
This is easy, if you are sure you don't want any more children then move on, this way he can look for some one who will give him children, I can understand this man. You have your own children but you don't want him to have his own ? that is very very selfish on your part! I wonder what he is even doing with you.
My dear,love aside, people change, thing go wrong sometimes. we dnt pray for things to go wrong but wat if ..........?,Can u handle d situation,"5 kids & urself"?
Pls ♍Æ” dear don't be self centerted d truth is that u can agree with him on two more for him if u realy realy luv him as u claim. Its nt easy but oderwise is neither easy too
U claim u love y can't u satisfy him,dats wat he want.do it.2 children is nt 2 much.if I may ask sef wat do u want frm him if u can't bear children 4 him.Pls safe ursef frm prob
Why judging the poor woman!! You pple should think about her health as well as making the man happy. If in the process that guy will not remember that she made sacrifice for him. If I were you let him go and u will surely find another man who will understand you very well. Gudluck dear
My dear, truth be told, you're only being selfish! if it was you that didnt have a child you wont complain about age and figure. If you love this man like you claim, give him children, start trying to get pregnant!!
y do u want to cheet him,ehhm? U hav ur own u dnt want him to hav or ar u scerd his goin to luv his own more dan urs letter? Pls trrrry n giv him one to complete d happiness of every one in d family.
you re only being selfish, i'm sure u only claim to love him cos of the benefits attached to it, he luvs ur kids nd all. But u don't want to sacrifice anything, my dear true luv comes wit alot of sacrifice
L♥√ع is sacrifice... And I think he deserves that much cuz dere r few men that will ßε̲̣ willing to take anoda mans responsibility up even when they can afford it.. I don't thnk he'z asking for Ï„̲̅σ much ..ts only logical that he wants his own children... Just do this for L♥√ع but if U̶̲̥̅̊ r rili sure U̶̲̥̅̊ don't want it den let him go
wat kind of love and marriage proposal comes wit a condition?it seems like he loves d kids u ll give him,more dan he loves being wit u.my dear,d foundation is alrdy shaken.wat happens if u cnt bear children?d love ll fold den?if he really loves you,he should marry you,cos i beliv u cud have a change of hart and let go of your fears eventually.anyways,he dat wears d shoes knws wre it hurts most so use ur head.
Are u sure she can still bear children? She's a selfish & wicked woman who doesn't deserve dat man....Abeg direct d man †̥☺ M̶̲̅ε̲̣ ....A̶̲̥̅♏ single, fruitful & ready †̥☺ have more than 2 kids!!
Are u sure she can still bear children? She's a selfish & wicked woman who doesn't deserve dat man....Abeg direct d man †̥☺ M̶̲̅ε̲̣ ....A̶̲̥̅♏ single, fruitful & ready †̥☺ have more than 2 kids!!
That is why we have the word "Compromise" in relationship, u already have children of your own and no matter how nice he is to ur kids he will also want his own biological children... I see no reason why u cant give him kids if u truly love him like u claimed but if it will have any medical implication on ur health,Pls DONT!! Because u need to be in perfect shape to take of ur children...My advice is that both of u shld seek a medical expert advice before u continue with the Lovey Dovey.. Wish U Well, Linda post my comment ooooooo
Do you know the meaning of love? I no you dont live him pls let him go and get a better woman for him self. You have your own children and you dont want him to have his, dont you think that you are so lucky for a single guy to love you with three children.
Madam i think you should think about it very well. Not after having babies, the man will start seeing reasons why he cannot cope with your children from the other man. But if u feel he loves u so much and will never disappoint u, go ahead and give him a child.
Love is all about being happy when when ur partner is happy!!! I am a woman but I do completely understand d guy when he says he needs children...don't let go of dat guy give him kids of his own n remember u will need a companion when u get old!!!
Pls leave d guy alone u don't need marriage and kids now mk d money babe and find a dude to service u up when u cold look after d ones u hav u scared of beening lonley but u can't man er trouble if u tink u settle one as in d kids issue anoda is coming economy nt good for to many children
U̶̲̥̅̊ aint being very explicit when u̶̲̥̅̊ used d word SUICIDAL, ÈŠ̝̊̅§ it dt when u̶̲̥̅̊ get pregnant again, u̶̲̥̅̊'r going †̥☺ die or what? Or ÈŠ̝̊̅§ it dt u̶̲̥̅̊ do av alot of complication during pregnancy and/or childbirth? Any answer †̥☺ dis qns hs †̥☺ b backed-up wif a medical report stating d risk n dangers involved... If dis d pregnancy ÈŠ̝̊̅§ gonna cost u̶̲̥̅̊ anyfin too expensive(life/deformation), u̶̲̥̅̊ av †̥☺ sit n discuss d issue wif ur fiance n explain evryfin in detail n probably go †̥☺ d medical expert 2geda, if he still stand on d ground of aving his own kids, my dear hop on d nxt flight outta dt relationship... Fine!, its reasonable n quite understandable of him †̥☺ want his own kids frm a woman he loves bt his love 4 her life shd come 1st in evryfin.... Anyfin contrary †̥☺ d ground I av mentioned earlier, that ÈŠ̝̊̅§, not wanting pregnancy based on unreasonable or flimsy excuses(gain/loss of weight or figure, go thru stress involved..) ÈŠ̝̊̅§ very selfish of u̶̲̥̅̊. Try †̥☺ imagine him in ur own shoe and he refused on d ground of nt wanting †̥☺ follow u̶̲̥̅̊ †̥☺ ante-natal or oda unreasonable grounds? If u̶̲̥̅̊ love him as much as u̶̲̥̅̊ claimed, aving his kids shd jst b a token †̥☺ pay. ~~~~~CUTIE~~~~~
Oh No!plz dont let him go!you two get married asap,give him children,he needs children of his own. if God has been faithful to bring such good man your way again,den u should put all effort to keep your loved ones en make d rest of your life enjoyable on earth~~wanas
THIS GREEDY SELFISH WOMAN. DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT BEFORE YOU GOT ENGAGED TO HIM? ARRANT NONSENSE...IF IT WERE YOUR BROTHER WOULD YOU LIKE WHAT HIS FINACE HAS JUST TOLD HIM THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE CHILDREN. OLE OLOJUKOKORO MAKE YOU NO LET ME VEX RUBBISH. JUST LET THAT MAN GO QUICK AND GO AND FIND SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HAS KIDS TOO SO AT LEAST HE WON'T WANT ANY MORE AS WELL. GREEDY SILLY WOMAN.
SO HE WILL SPEND HIS MONEY TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE HIS OWN ABI WHAT A WICKED EVIL WOMAN YOU ARE!!!JUST LET HIM GO NOW IN FACT IF I WERE HIS SITER I WILL BE THE ONE TO CHASE YOU OUT MYSELF RABBISH
To anonymous whose friend got mistress pregnant your friend is a bastard and will rot in hell....so he thinks not planning to tell his wife is a good things? Stupid idiot, did they force him to marry his wife? Anyway am not surprised men r fool of shit...that's how they have kids all over and leave trouble behind when their sorry arse go six feet under......pray God gives the wife her own children so he hides his randy headyin shame...stupid fool...
Engaged for two years? mehn that sounds like forever••• Anyways Sounds like he is comfortable•Marry him already and give him his own kids too•••I mean wouldn't you want kids too if you had none? saying you don't want to give him any child sounds selfish on your path if you L♥√ع him to death like you claim then do it for him!
I think that ur guy needs his head examined, doesn't have a family to give him good advice or im don chop juju. How can a single guy be trying to get married to a divorcee in the first place,WITH 3 CHILDREN ALREADY EH... When remain when I'm wan enjoy for there as a man.
My dear, you don't find that kind of man everyday, the fact that he loves you enough to L♥√ your 3 children means he is kind hearted. My advice is that, you get pregnant @ least 2, like he wants, or 1. Listen, your 3 children are all grown up, trust me, it will be a perfect idea and advantageous most especially for you @ old age, think about it .
Are people really saying this woman is selfish to not spend 20 months of her advanced maternal aged life, bearing children? Do you know what it means to already have 3 children? And to think you are done? And then to now start over with diapers and sleepless nights and runny noses? LIBers dont have jobs, or dont have kids and are obviously not doctors (the ones who are making these stupid comments anyway...Bloglord, I expected better from you. Dont you live in the states? Dyu know how expensive it is to have kids here? Or anywhere for that matter? Or is it in Nigeria, one of the worst places in the world to have a child or raise a child, that you should now add 2 more people to suffer?.) This is a little bit of a rant, I know...but Im 6 months pregnant with my second girl ! Papa Ifu wants 3 more, but na lie o!!! One more to try and have a boy, THATS IT!!! Dyu hear me PAPA IFU? I hope you're reading this! Everything hurts! I cant wait to be done with this pregnancy... Back to the question: Linda, tell this lady to stand her ground. Its actually abuse to "force" someone to have kids against their will....You guys should have discussed this before hand but now that you're here, you have to weigh the pros and cons. If he wont take you as is, then you have to let him go...and you need to be sure...don't let him agree to marry but leave room for him to cajole you... ok, i gotta get some breakfast...im obviously hypoglycemic.
Madam I take God beg u, free that guy so he can get a single fresh younger lady meant for him. You should not be selfish rather should u inconvenience urself or even d guy for that sex u are both having. U have enjoyed d better part of ur life with someone else, pls and pls free am
madam, tell urself the truth. no bias. everyone can lie to you but u cant lie to urself. u will always know d truth no matter how much u try not 2. simply ask yourself this question;
if the reverse was the case, what would you do? base your judgement on that. will you be ready to forfeit the longing for your own children?
i think you are being selfish (eat ur cake and have it). what do u think?
OMMGG!!! YOUR RIDICULOUSLY SELFISH because you have kids of your own you now want someone else to go a life time without children... ahh ika ni e there are many young women out there that no man wants to mary because they have one child you!! you have THREEE and the man wants to marry you regardless and u wanna deprive him of children. its not your fault because you managed to get someone that gave u ring.. let him goo nahhhhh...and u will see who else is willing to marry you and raise three teenagers that are not him. you dont know what u have SELFISH FUCKTARD!!
YOUR SOOO SELFISH ur lucky he only wants 2,u never jahmmmm men that will make u produce 4 ...better let him marry someone that is less selfish cause clearly all u think about is ME ,ME ME so he should not father a child ,,but he should be paying for ur own 3 kidss ahh ur wicked ...God did not make him impotent y do u wanna make someone else's child a bastard
My question is;- if it was the reverse,wouldn't you want him to do the same for you?If u had met him with three grown kids n he insisted you wouldn't have any kids of ur own how would you feel? it's very simple...just apply the golden rule-"do unto others as you want others to do unto you"
I think your question is just as silly as you sound...just saying.
@ Mam ifu,and it's not abuse to force someone not to have their own kids right?Please stand corrected that LIBers have jobs and have kids of their own.I am a mother and a working one at that so i understand what it means to go through pregnancy and in a harsh economy so don't give me that bull!
Nobody said it was going to be easy...at least 1 child is ok.den she can beg him to have no more kids.basically,she'll meet him half way.would u still sound like this if it were the reverse?
Marriage(nt just love) all about sacrifice and if u as a wife n mother can't understand that,then what else on earth can you understand?
My dear, I know exactly what you feel and have been in the same boat as you. I made it clear to my guy at the beginning that I did not want anymore kids. BUT I looked at the way he was with me, with my children and realised that he deserves to be a father himself and not just a step dad. Iit is a sacrifice but if you truly love him then you need to make the sacrifice hor him. I've done it and my boo will be a daddy in the true sense of the word in a few weeks. Believe me I never wanted more children but I specifically asked God for a heart of flesh concerning this matter and now I cannot believe how happy and content I am concerning this baby. Finally, consider that any child or children you have will complete the link between your hubby and your children. This child will cement what you already have. Trust God and he will surprise you.
Mama ifu, I love ur comments... Got me laffing out loud whilst being vry educating!!!
To d post; evry1 one is entitled to his/her opinion and we really shud respect dat...we can only advice but nt judge/insult....my candid advice is for dem to do what makes dem happy...lolz
You obviously do not understand the meaning of love if u can't understand why he wants his own children. put urself in his shoes and think about it. As selfish as ur thots are, u don't deserve him. Remain a single mum!
Ah ah! make una see me see torokwocha o! You have said it "he doesn't have children of his own", give him children nah. Hia! Let him go if you no wan do. You knoew he wanted children during ur 4 solid years of the relationship, wetin come happen we u still dey for inside the relationship? It means that you have been considering it. You are only asking for our opinion because you have already decided u will have the children for the man, but you just want us to dissuade you. The ring he put on ur finger 2 yrs ago is a symbol of love, friendship and wombship.
Hmmmmm!I no aw it feels to e pregnant again d pain and all dt.bt sincerly you need to born for him ni ooooooo cus dats d only way you can prove your love to him
you would be crazy to let him go. what is it for you to give him two kids that he doesnt have. if you love him you would because at the end of the day he loves you two and you cant deprive him of something he doesnt have. moreover you have 3 kids that are your blood why not give him his own two. if you dont another woman will think of it as the cycle of life. :). no hard feelings.
Shuuuuu see devil see this Anti oooo! Chai you take style wicked ooo Anti! Make boda dey service you, dey carry your own pikin? E dey do me mak i stone you wit this fufu wey i dey chop
As far as I am concerned na the foolish man I blame. There are robust sweet 16s there who will do anything to have kids, he no see those ones na mama 39 with baggage he wan die put for her yard. A WOMAN WITH KIDS IS A BAGGAGE PERIOD! And these predicament you brought on yourself came as a result of her baggages if she don't have them she won't be thinking in such a selfish way!
I hate it when adults ask stupid questions. Can't you see it is a trap...? You feel suicidal at the thought of having more kids, then don't...!
Must you marry the man in the first place...? Can't you enjoy the status quo and remain engaged for as long as you can...? Just be tactful about it. You don't have to tell him you are no longer interested. Just keep up the contraception and promise him that if he can get you pregnant, you'll agree to his terms. Then lay back and enjoy yourself while you watch him try.
If it's rubbers you guy use, you may wanna start learning various safe contraception methods that don't backfire and result in Octoplets. You go commit pass suicide, be that.
If all that doesn't work, I am so available... Hon. I'll be good to your kids too and I promise not to knock you up. It is not do or die for a man to procreate a child of his own. It is just selfish vanity and base popular opinions that induces the urge.
are you mad ney?no matter how much he loves your kids except if his an impotent man but everyman would want to father his own child na so u should give him 1.haba dont be selfish na woman!
the question is,what do you both want? he wants a child, you want love? what if he is with you because he wants a child and not the marriage, and you re with him because of the love/ and security of marriage not the child! think about it! Love with your head Maam,Unconditional love is from God not Man
madam this man does not need you for sex, he realy love you, and he din't love you b'cus of many thing is to have is own child{ren} from you. And if you realy love him do as he want to put joy to his life if you dont love him leave him to have another woman to get his child{ren}. He care for you and your children so why you dont want to make him happy? An do not take much advice on this mater b'cus if you take much advice you will confiused.
madam this man does not need you for sex, he realy love you, and he din't love you b'cus of many thing is to have is own child{ren} from you. And if you realy love him do as he want to put joy to his life if you dont love him leave him to have another woman to get his child{ren}. He care for you and your children so why you dont want to make him happy? An do not take much advice on this mater b'cus if you take much advice you will confiused.
i get where he's coming from. but my guys its not easy having children especially if youre the ones bearing them. come on now. give her a break. rather than her being selfish, it seems like he's being a bit mean. having three kids so close to each other and the eldest only twelve is not easy. being pregnant is not easy at all. and i doubt hes going to be the one getting up to feed it or changing diapers or making the food plus going to work. give her a break. also, why di this ultimatum come up after two years of engagement? are you sure he knows your feelings and is not using this to push you away purposefully. im sorry but if he only wants to marry you so you can shit out his kids then i think you really need to re-evaluate your relationship.
Madam be sincere here please are you sure you are not using black magic on this innocent guy? because i don't see any reason why a reasonable single guy will stick to a divorcee with 3kids haba! wetin remain there wey the guy go enjoy self...or should i say you sabi do the thing wellwell ni? i think the guy needs his head examined. Please if you can't give him a child let the poor guy go abeggy.
Madam be sincere here please are you sure you are not using black magic on this innocent guy? because i don't see any reason why a reasonable single guy will stick to a divorcee with 3kids haba! wetin remain there wey the guy go enjoy self...or should i say you sabi do the thing wellwell ni? i think the guy needs his head examined. Please if you can't give him a child let the poor guy go abeggy.
If you love him the way you imply, then you would give him a child! Simple! Everyman would love to have his own kids with the woman he loves.
ReplyDeleteThis woman is selfish and very wicked. So d man shld not av his own children abi,wicked woman.leave him 4 single ladies dat re ready 2 gv him all he wants. Rubbish. Ur story is very annoying.
DeleteC'mon u hav to giv him a child.Its every Womans dream to bear a child{ren} for the man she loves so much.Even me.I don't care if I've had b4 or not.
DeleteHis gud to ur children nd u luv him...wat is luv? if u can't sacrifise gettn pregnant for him that dosent even hav one.its either u let him go meet who is ready to giv birt to more dan two for him dan waste his tym nd been selfish.if u don't even marry again u hav ur kids to make ur entire life happy
ReplyDeletedon't let him go,u hv to make a sacrifice 4 ur luv,every man need's a child of his own.make him a real man by giving him a child.
ReplyDeleteIf u lov him ask u said, giv him a child,or u back off.every man wnts his own child.
ReplyDelete@sharon it is as not ask...pls with your TUSH name u dey make english tire us 4 here...change ur name 2 bimbo or sumtin..tanx 4 ur understandin..
DeleteIts typographical error ma frnd
DeleteIts typographical error ma frnd
DeleteChai! Sharon...Hehehe!!! She'll do ASK you said o!!
DeleteStop the stupid love if you dont want a child. Else if you marry him,he will ffuck outside for a child.
ReplyDeleteif you can't give him a child free him, don't be selfish. My best friend marry a 40yr old woman when he was 37, the woman is now 44 yet to get pregnant. He just got his 33yr old mistress pregnant at 41. hes not planing on telling his wife
ReplyDeleteTry to have at least one more,
ReplyDeleteIf you really love this man the way you've expressed it, and both your finances can cater for all 5 kids( the 3 you have already and the two he is asking of you) I see no reason why you are developing a cold feet.
ReplyDeleteIt is rather selfish of you not to have kids for him. he has none from his loins, you have three. c'mon!
See dis madam ooo,won't u b hapi dat at least e wants 2 mari u afta 3kids?abeg if u no go born 4 am commot make yung girls enta joor
ReplyDeleteMadam,if u love him dis much like u claim,pls give him a child,u don't expect him to train another man's kids and be happy in the marriage,he loves u and ur kids,all he asks frm u is to have his own children wit u bcus he adores u and u don't want to comply,stop being selfish and make ur man happy if u truely love him dt mch.lovi says so.
ReplyDeleteLife is give and take. He luvs ur children and makes u happpy so why can't u giv him just two kids? No man is father christmas that'll marry u without wanting his own children and accepting kids from another man. U dnt luv him to death as u claim cos if u do, u won't think twice b4 getting pregnant 4 him. I urge u to take a bold step and embrace him. Dnt worry about d two kids u'l have for him, they'l be even finer than u expect. U'r evn lucky to find a man like him. Sweetie! Life itself is a risk. Forget ur fears and dance 2d music or back out of his life which I'm sure u can't do. If ur church will not wed u then go to another church.
ReplyDeleteif you truly love him to death you should be willing t give him children, even if it kills you. You say he is great with your children and i understanding him wanting his own. Love compromises.
ReplyDeleteEven if it kills her???? Kai!
DeleteU sound selfish, u already hv 3 kids and he doesn't hv any? And still u don't want 2 give him his own kids. U can't eat ur cake and have it...u simply don't love him
DeleteLove sacrifices
ReplyDeleteI understand how u feel but the thing is do u want more babies?????!!!!!. I ask because I am divorced and my last baby is 16.I do not want more kids but if I fall in love again and the man has no kids and wants us to....then I will. Make up your mind about what u really want.
ReplyDeleteThank you dee for posting a mature comment..
DeleteIts easier to accuse her of being selfish esp if u have not gone thru pregnancy and child rearing. I perfectly understand what u are saying, im married with 2 kids - a gal and a boy, my hubby wants one more cus he grew up as an only child, left to me, im done with having babies, i want my life and body back...but Love conquers all fears.
DeleteLet the love u have for him conquer all ur fears, take the baby steps, discuss your fears and worries with him. After all you have gone thru its scary having another child and facing the unknown of : what if he walks out like ur ex-husband, can u handle 4 kids alone? If u truly can not go pass this point, let him go. There are divorcees out there that want only companionship too...men that have their own kids and all they want is love and companionship...wish all the best babe...hugs
OK so when you said the thought of you being pregnant again makes you "suicidal"...what that mean????What's wrong with your womb(or whatever)woman???Dont go killing yourself all for making a lover "happy"...amean if that's literal though(suicidal)DAMN!!!
ReplyDeleteLet d fucking love disappear,if u don't want to get pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteThe way people use words though...dayum!SUICIDALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBabe No Sista you guys aren't compatible move on and let him look for a sweet 16 to give him kids. don't deserve yourself with love it won't be long before he starts telling you he is tired of taking here of his step children they are old enough to go to there father blah blah blah. Move on and "thank me later".. Blog Heart.
ReplyDelete@ikwerreboy ur brains r made of peanut butter n nuts... N itz still on dys same blog one fool came to complain dt er broda wntz to marry a woman wiv two kids n most of u supported er. Stupid do u knw y dys one iz divorced? Una tink sa una da oyinbo land abi? Beta wake up dys iz Africa, dis iz NIGERIA!!! No nigerian man will marry dt lady wivout wntin ez own child.....STUPID. Saddiest oshi
Deletemay b u dey fear to carry belle 4 nine months,i understand,but u hv to make him a real man by giving him a child.be reasonable plz
ReplyDeleteI am in the same situation but I had to let the guy go. I have 4 kids already and can't imagine being pregnant one more time. I love to get married again but I can't!!!! If you don't want more kids, let him go.
ReplyDeleteStop bein selfish my dear! Since d guy luvs U and is willing to take care of 5 children, give it to him abeg. If U luv him dat much, U wuld want to always see him happy. U knw dat if he were in Ur shoes, he wuld go to any length to make U happy too. Abi U no want husband? Me I want Ooooo. Abi Linda?
ReplyDeleteLinda not only wants husband, she craves for a husband. Thiis gurl dey fall Linda hand sha. If dis man even wants 10 kids Linda ready to pop dem out. @ 32 she dey vex 4 dis woman. Looool
DeleteIt's very easy to think of his love as conditional but you need to understand the angle he is coming from. As a man he needs children of his own. If you could, do give him one or two.
ReplyDeleteIf you truly love him,changing your mind to give him 2 kids won't be a serious problem for you!
ReplyDeleteMy dear,,don't be selfish... Give him kids or leave him alone... U already hav 3 nd he has none... As long as ur fear isn't medically related den derz no excuse.. Yours,,Mine,,nd Ours hav different meanings.. U grab?
ReplyDeleteMYRAYA
You don't want more kids?
ReplyDeleteSo he should take care of your bastards as his own? They answer their father's name don't they?
You are a selfish old woman. I don't understand people like you who only think of themselves. You obviously don't love this guy or else there would be no confusion... please leave him alone for better women.
Be wise enough to make your words soft because life has a way of making pple chew their words...if u have NEVER carried a child in your womb, you have NO business commenting on this topic...go wash the dishes boy
DeleteIf you love him to death and the thought of being pregnant makes you suicidal then you should be indifferent between the two options.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very selfish woman. You should have been the one asking if he needs kids. So you have enjoyed looking at the product of your loins and cuddling them and you don't want him to have the same privilege? No problem. Please step aside.
ReplyDeleteIf u dnt want d dude,I'm available,a man without kids dt can L♥√ع u wen he knws u hv kids,good 2 ur kids den loves u,what more do u want..if u dnt want him dere re plenty younger nd unencumbered women dt will give him a child in a heartbeat.be wise jarre!!
ReplyDeleteD solution to dis matter is simple madam.I think he wud luv d arrangement of u letting him to go and get kids outside and bring home for all of u to live happily ever after. Anu mpama. Kwarangida no be luv
ReplyDeleteKinda understand your predicament. Met this guy, love him. I have three kids, he has two. He is divorced. The ex has custody of his kids. He wants to marry me. I said no, because I don't think he will be happy helping me raise mine while his just visits during their summer breaks. I tied my tube and cannot have anymore.. He does not understand how frustrating it will be for him ....I think if I could have more, it will be easier to raise all together... But, I love him and I know he loves me too..
ReplyDeleteFunmi O, California..
Don't get pregnant again!....I repeat don't get pregnant again....Ignore any advice telling you to get pregnant at 39 especially when you have 3 children already...If you truly love this man you would kindly end the relationship else na ojuju calabar you go born o...Apart from increased risk of breast cancer,the baby has a very decent chance of having down syndrome or any other genetic/chromosomal abnormalies....I have said my own
ReplyDeleteI know the risk of fetal anomalies increases with age, but medically aside, don't be selfish...he has no child to call HIS own. It's either bare him at least 1 child, or simply let him go.
ReplyDeleteEmmmmmm if he has good to u and ur kids like u said, and u are not ready to compromise, abeg pass am to me..
ReplyDeleteMstweee mumu, do u think u what u are saying is reasonable??? U have 3 and he has non!! Do u have an idea what how many single, no children will do to bag a man at all.. Like I said abeg instead of killing ur self, u can make some1 like me happy... Pass am to me
This stort sounds fictious to me but if true yhe woman in question is a retard ,u want the man to be childless abi ,by the time he may have trained those children from ur former husband'' they must still go back to their father house and this good sameritan will remain childless , to me , its a wickedness .they way people reason and think atimes baffled me why cant she go for a (divorcee man) that have already have kids ,this story sucks sha
ReplyDeleteIf he had kids of his own it would have been a different ball game. Give him his own kids or let him go immediate effect
ReplyDeleteAbeg, don't have kids to please your man or anyone else! If you give birth and resent your child, the same preachers making noise here will shower u with hateful comments. If he wants children badly, then he needs to find a mate who doesn't have any of his own or a mate who wants to have more kids. Your life, your body, your decision!
ReplyDeleteThe best advice in my view. Seconded
DeleteThe best advice in my view. Seconded
DeleteMy dear seek Gods counsel. Don't make any decisions based on sentiment or feelings. Once married all bets are off, you have to submit. I understand not wanting more kids, not every woman likes the process of child bearing, it's not a crime. Be level headed about this. The most important people are your kids and you. You SHOULD be happy, making sacrifices could lead to resentment and bitterness to him or any baby that you may have. Don't do it to please him if you are not happy,
ReplyDeleteI think you first have to identify exactly what makes you "suicidal" about another pregnancy. Did you have a bad experience with previous pregnancies (such as extreme morning sickness, vomiting, headaches, etc)? Are you afraid of carrying a child to term nearing 40? Are you just tired of raising children and don't want to do it anymore?
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly are you afraid of?
Once you identify what the fear is, then you can work through it with him and figure out a resolution.
If there are no concrete fears and you're just tired of raising children and don't want to do it anymore, perhaps this man is not for you. My dear, good men are hard to find. Your man has shown the level of his commitment with an engagement ring.
It's time for you to decide whether he's worth putting aside your fears for...
***Lush
Stop being selfish and self centered and give him wat every man is proud of.....his kids. 5 kids ain't a large number cause if my ajeboh mom cud raise my siblings and I then y can't u?
ReplyDeleteNne u have 2 be wise, marrry him.
ReplyDeleteThat is being selfish not wanting kids knowing he has never had any. At the end of the day your kids have a dad so he is only amster dad. Two more wouldn't hurt. If not find a man who doesn't want kids. I like the fact that he is honest about iit from day one.
ReplyDeletePls just 1 question...wetin d man marry u for???abi u b toy??madam start producin 4 broz ooo,time no dey...u open mouth say u don't want to have kids,no just provoke me ooo!!linda pls talk to her jaree!
ReplyDeleteThis is not a matter to debate on att all. The most important pple here are you and ur kids. Think about the effect is going to have on u and them if u want to please this guy, probably u are going to end upp displeasing 4 pple just to pls 1 person. Am in the same situation, mine is even 1 but I made upp my mind because i do not want to have more kid or kids not even half because i do not want kids from diff papas. What happens if this guy's love suddenly disappears because love dey expire here for western world and u will end upp a single mum to 4 or 5kid from 2 diff fathers.Is that what u want for your life? My advice is look for a guy that matches your profile and let this guy gooooooooooo. Linda post my comment oooo.
ReplyDeleteAm sorry but I think ure bn selfish ! I once met a very handsome rich guy, he was an every woman s dream , if had took him home to my parents am sure they wld hve bn so happy dt I made d rite choice. He was a medical doctor @ NMH in Manchester but a divorcee with 4children nd I was 39 neva bn married nd ds guy wanted to marry me but does not want any children!hey! I want to be married some day with kids! nd I told him he was selfish nd dts how we ended it. Today am married to a local champion ,not rich , no class sef! But am so happy nd fufilled , ve got two cute boys @ 42 to show off. So pls gve d man space thr r so many girls out thr dt wld gve him babies.
ReplyDeleteAhdaisy Jayde
ReplyDeleteSorry if I sound rude... But I feel you are asking a very rhetorical question. Or what do you want to hear?
I mean, come on! Seriously? You shud have been done with this guy 20 years ago!
Ladies pls stop wasting your time. I dnt support Kim K, but when she realized Kris wasnt for her, she was done. 72 days and it was over. I dnt support divorce but I said that to say that we women, while dating shud know when to Z snap their fingers at a guy and point to the left!
my dear if u cant get preggy for him because u are too selfish, then let him go!
ReplyDeleteU r a very selfish person.
ReplyDeleteI pray d man sees u for who u are and goes for sme1 else.
Don't u think d man's mum wld even want grandchildren????
U don't love this man at all.
Depending on how old u are, getting pregnant may not be d best thing 4 ur health. If una dey outside Naija & get money, I for say u shld consider surrogacy. Anyway, u may really talk to ur man & explain ur feelings abt getting pregnant. Some of our pple r so insensitive abt this - as d comments here clearly show - but not all women want to be pushing out offsprings like animals. I have one child & lost every desire to have more even though husband & I had initially agreed on 2. We talked and talked abt it & he chilled. So, try d talking. Also, be willing to have something to negotiate with. Maybe agree to having one more kid; dat may make ur decision easier for him to understand. Good luck
ReplyDeleteKris Jenner (Kim Kardashian's mum) had 4 children with her first husband and two for the second husband. They are still married. It would be selfish of you to have your own kids from another man and expect this man not to have his. Remember he has a choice to go for a woman with no 'baggage' so to speak. Let him go if you don't intend to have kids for him. Cos if you marry him and he sees you never had the intention of bearing his children, not only would he hate you for deceving him, he'd go and have these kids outside and your marriage may eventually pack up. So what would you have gained except the title of two-time divorcee?
ReplyDeleteU just have to give him a kid, orelse u ll look selfish,cos he takes care of ur kids like u said. So give him his.
ReplyDeleteMadam, u have your own kids n dont want him to??? If you Love him, u dont have to be 'stingy' wiv your own concern. So u dont want him to father his own child n take care of yours??? My dear, if you cant give him a child, dont deceive yourself, that is NOT Love! No man will take u like dat, dont be deceived. He might accept now n believe me, you wont enjoy the marriage cos issues will come up as a result of this! GIVE HIM A CHILD or LEAVE HIM ALONE! WHAT GAN SEF???? PELE SHA!
ReplyDeleteMadam, If ur spirit is telling u not 2 get pregnant again, then don't becos marriage is not abt children, didn't he knw u had children b4 thinking of dating u, so y conditioning u? Since children is his ultimate goal in marriage, he shudnt hav fallen in luv wit a woman wit 3 kids already, he shud rather marry a sweet 16. Sincerely speaking, if u giv him children, problems will arise as regards equal luv 4 his own children n initial ones.
ReplyDeleteyes stop being selfish since the guy love u and u do too, and above all u have ur own kids, and he doest pls, just try and understand with him with love on his own side and consider him too since he has none.
ReplyDeletejust talk over it with him, dont pouch him away, you have and he need his too, let God be everything in whatever u do. children is the happiness in marriage, so my dear have a thought of mine and consider him.
Oh my goodness, how selfish can you be?
ReplyDeletePlease let him go jare, den introduce us please, ill bear as many kids as possible for him. U never hear say man no dey,and u don go before,but we still dey find one. Please. Pass him over
ReplyDeleteMadam, dat suicidal thoughts is from d pit of hell.
ReplyDeleteLove is more on sacrifice. U re so lucky to meet a man that still hv ur interest@heart even afer 3.
Give him his desire & stop being selfish with ur thoughts...or better still, give him space.
So says d big mama!!!
Put urself in his shoes for a minute, ud want urs too if u were himself, aft all my guess is he'd tk care of ur kids so an addition of jst one or two of which ud luv is not a bad idea.
ReplyDeleteOh and don't get me wrong, I guess ur fear is tht ure scared tht snc d first didn't wrk out, wats d guarantee that the present wud? But dear, Life is a Risk, all thru so God has a plan for every1. Be optimistic after all...
~D great anonymous!
Hmmmmmm wat a world....last to comment
ReplyDeleteWhat is love without sacrifice! Atleast he is not asking for the impossible. I sense selfishness on her part otherwise you have no reason to deny him kids.
ReplyDeleteJust try and give him if is 2 he need his own children
ReplyDeleteMy dear, reverse the situation. If it were you in his shoes and your dear love told you he's not interested in having more kids, won't you feel frustrated?
ReplyDeleteEither way, don't be selfish: You give him kids if you want to keep him or you let him go if the thought of getting pregnant again seems sucidal to you. Somebody's got to give in or let go.
P.S. But what were you thinking when you hooked up with a man with no kids??? You thought he won't he wouldn't pop up the big question?
So you thought that the love he has for your kids will stop him from wanting to have his?
Every man, i mean every man would love to have kids of his own one day even if he loves other children (nephews, stepkids, friends'kids ) to pieces.
We women can reason so funnily at times lol
Getting pregant at 39 though....
Praise the name of the Lord. He is worthy to be praised. How many Christians truly worship and praise the Lord of Hosts. Are you the type of Christian who would spend one hour in asking from God, thirty minutes in firing at the enemy and two minutes in worshiping and thanking the KING OF KINGS? His word clearly says in the book of Psalms chapter 100 verse 4( psalm 100:4) that we should enter into his gates with
ReplyDeletethanksgiving, and into his courts with
praise: be thankful to him, and bless his
name. Why can't we spend time to praise THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. If it were to be the president, we would be ready to lie down flat on the floor, how much more THE I AM THAT I AM. Jesus died for us and gave us a free gift of salvation, how often do we exalt his HOLY name. Let's begin to thank him for all he has done, is doing and yet to do. Praise the EVERLASTING KING!
U have u own kids n he doesn't, wat kind of love is dat.
ReplyDeleteANd men are supposed to be wicked and selfish, right?
ReplyDeleteIf u don't want kids, then leave space for the younger, single and available girls out there who are ready and strong to bear the children! Why do you want to monopolize him? You want a husband without fulfilling one of the duties that come along with being a wife?
ReplyDeleteWhy don't u try a divorcee just like you who's also got kids of his own? I believe you'll be fine. I don't think he will bother you with any more kids. Best of luck!
I won't go all out and call u selfish,.....oh wot d hell u r selfish. U meet a man u luv and who loves u bck, only problem e wantz a child u doesn't. Tink abt it, every man no mata aw civilized wntz a child of his own, wotz d gaurantee dt u will find a man dt won't wnt kids? Only if e has one of ez own already doe. My dear u cnt ve it all. Quit d relationship if u really feel u dnt wnt a child buh before u do plz be sure of xctly wot u giving up.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that at almost 40,getting pregnat is sucidal. Let him go. He 'd definitely end up having what he wants somewhere else. The age factor on your side is a big problem.
ReplyDeleteif you scared another pregnancy may be risky for you, then make sure your pregnancy is followed abroad cos our hospitals here...hmmm. At least, there they have the latest material, competent doctors and very good and thorough follow-ups.
ReplyDeleteSee Halle Berry; she had her 1st kid in her eary 40s if i'm not mistaken and now she's 44 expecting baby n° 2 and she looks good!And she's diabetic for that matter! BUT that's a lot of money.
So if u 've got that cash, go for it, if u no get that kind money, sit down and reflect cos getting pregnant at 40... i shudder myself at the very idea.
1.Pray and fast for God's guidiance. 2.don't lie to youself. 3.Consider the income situation of taking care of your kids if anything happens.I want you to know that if your marriage failed once,it can fail again.4.don't sweep any bad attitude of your fiance under the carpet all in the name of love that could be of danger to you in future. 5. Does he love you as much as you love himm if not more...pleas take your time before taking any decision,you have a lot of thinking to do. Its not easy to cgo through with the 9 months again but you have done it before and can still do it again successfully,so that should be the last of your worries as far as you are in perfect condition. All the best.
ReplyDeleteJust give him the kids darling..
ReplyDeleteShe dey fear 2 start 4rm scratch*nursing mother* hehehehehe,sister mi gaan marry dt man nd gv him d 2kids he wants sinc u love him nd wuldnt want him unhappy.gbam# + don't worry God myt suprise u wit twins sef.
ReplyDeleteU sound so selfish, put ur self in hiss shoes and ask urself if you will agree 2 not having kids. Dis is not US where such men exist, count urself lucky 4 meeting a man dat is willing 2 marry u after 3 kids. No Naija man will accept anoda man's child as his own except one who is impotent.
ReplyDeleteWoman, u're being selfish here. Who won't want a child of his own? If u don't want to lose the man,give him a child and honestly he will double the love he has for u and ur kids. He will be more committed. Otherwise, leave him to go. Many girls are willing to give him what he wants.
ReplyDeleteWhat to do is ti Leave dis guys to go find a woman dat can give him children. D children u hvae dose not carry his DNA, and yet all u can say is to selfishly marry u and remain childless? Pls imagine UR elder brother telling of his intention to marry such a woman like u, am sure u will advise him to go for a woman who will give him children. Pls leave him alone if u will not give him children especially if he is asking for dat.
ReplyDeleteWHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM: HIS CARE OR MONEY? JUST LET HIM BE IF YOU CANT MAKE HIM HAPPY. U CAN MOVE ON WITH HIM IF YOU WILL ALLOW HIM HAVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU AND WHO WILL GIVE HIM AS MANY KIDS AS HE WANTS AND THAT WILL LIVE YOU TO HAVE LITTLE OR NO ATTENTION AGAIN. REMEMBER, ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER.
ReplyDeleteYou are approaching menopause and I hope you won't later agree to his choice when your own chance of getting pregnant has become very slim. Otherwise better let him go now and find someone else. True love is about sacrifice and there is no limit to what you can sacrifice for love. If you love him, give him children, and that will make him happy.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear, there is notin to be worried abt, once u knw u truely love him, bcos wat matter is love and he truely loves u too, and he hav been wit u 4 sum yrs nw, only d tin u hav to do is to make him happy, bcos love goes wit happy. So pls allow him
ReplyDeleteIf the thought of having more kids really makes you feel so bad, it may be better to leave him and just wait till you find a much older guy probably divorced or widowed who does not want any more kids then you marry that one.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously dont love him as 'unconditionally' as you imagine you do if the though of kids is making you feel this bad.
In the two years of being engaged to him, you have actually had a long time to think about this issue. its best to let him go and get on with his life because he trully is not being selfish by asking to have his own children with you.
Most men will NEVER marry a divorced woman with three kids! So he must really love you.
Good luck in any decision you take.
It will end in praise.
As you love him to death, then be ready have kids for him as he said maybe two. Make it an agreement between each other. By the way watch out the man as well, make he love to death because some men mind do change gradually after marriage or child birth. I don't want know normally twist their brain and mind. Study him and understand each other even to perfection. Discuss lengthy about both of you future which all lies in the marriage.
ReplyDeletediscover secrets to losing some weight and eating healthy
I understand where you are coming from. To have kids at 39 isn't the best health wise..complications and all that. See your doctor, he or she is your best adviser. If you are certified fit, abeg give the man what he wants.
ReplyDeleteI thnk I undastnd y she's scared..she was a single mother of 3 n m sure she went thru hell 2 carter 4 d kids..her fear is dat d man myt disapear again afta havin 2kids 4him..she's thnkin of takin care of 5kids all by hersef if somthin go wrng wit d marriage..well jst talk2 God n listen 2 wat he says
ReplyDeleteAs you love him to death, then be ready have kids for him as he said maybe two. Make it an agreement between each other. By the way watch out for the man as well, make sure he love you to death because some men mind do change gradually after marriage or child birth. I don't know want normally twist their brain and mind, perception and understanding of love. Study him and understand each other even to perfection. Discuss lengthy about both of your future endeavour which all lies in the marriage.
ReplyDeletediscover secrets to losing some weight and eating healthy
my dear having 5kids is not a big deal,dnt be suicidal just remeber someone you knw who has got none, so embrace love and embrace the thought of having two tiny feets running around your home once more. they bring so much happiness you know *winks
ReplyDeleteLady, i'd say let him go. Bear in mind that besides you not wanting to have more children, they (children) might not even be in the cards for you considering your age. Just my 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteMarry him, sign a prenuptial agrement that he has to take your three kid the same way he treats his kids
ReplyDeleteno way if you love him you need to give him a baby
ReplyDeleteyou have three and his got nothing what do you think???
U are a definition of selfish!!! Rily u shud not ave wasted his time...cos u shud know he wud want his...seeing ur kids is enuf for him to want kids...so pls stop d excuse and do the right thing. We all can help who we fall in love with, wot matters is ow much we will to sacrifice
ReplyDeletelove is selfless if you really love him give him kids, you could do ivf to have twins because i don't think he would want only one biological child since you are afraid of getting pregnant if not pls let him go.
ReplyDeleteyou dont know what you want, period! Pass him on to me, am willing to give him six children. you better get hold of your man if you really want him. other wise he moves on . am sure he is not getting any younger.
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant no be beans oh,its tiring abeg.but wait oh Linda, dis woman like d sex part I guess nd yet she doesn't want d man to feel like a real man, mtcheeeew!!!! What a waste of SPERM. Selfish woman.
ReplyDeleteplease let him come and marry me..I will give him five kids..
ReplyDeleteEyaaaaaah I undastnd u, I stopped child bearing at d age of 30 nd I have 3kids. The thought of getting pregnant again scares me. 9mnths no be beans oh!!!! Pls leave d man to look for a younger girl who doesn't think of pregnancy as suicidal
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant no be beans oh,its tiring abeg.but wait oh Linda, dis woman like d sex part I guess nd yet she doesn't want d man to feel like a real man, mtcheeeew!!!! What a waste of SPERM. Selfish woman.
ReplyDeleteits not a matter of life and death...let the man go and believe God that you will meet a man more suitable for you...in my books, if a couple have different visions, then they are not suitable for each other...your last child is 9 years old and the thought of getting pregnant again is making you suicidal which is reasonable especially if you had put a closure to that part of your life- child bearing, nursing and training. it is a big deal and you should be in the best psychological state to even consider it otherwise you might end up resenting the man you love so much now. wish you the best in whatever you eventually decide to do.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear, every man wants HIS own child! So please give him one if you truly love him.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear, every man wants HIS own child! So please give him one if you truly love him.
ReplyDeleteSo u are happy to tell us you have 3 lovely kids and doesn't want ur fiance to tell people too that his got lovely kids,if u truly love that man,u will give him not just a kid but the 2kids he has demanded for.
ReplyDeletehonestly i think having a total of five children isn't a bad idea ,if u love him like you say you do then you wuld bear him a child that wuld b the symbol of your love
ReplyDeleteThis man sef try 0,he wan marry madam with three pikin,anyway sha,I understand u n0t want 2 be pregnant again,but u ve 2 c0nsider him,he will need children 0f his 0wn...
ReplyDeletePls go ahead & gv him what he request for.
ReplyDeletehow can you let him go?that shouldnt be an option atal..if you love him give a a child.dont be selfish.love is not selfish,love is kind.its not easy to find true blove so dont let this go becos of ur own selfish reason.i wish u all the best.
ReplyDeleteif you let go of this guy cos of ur stubborness to give him a child u will never find anyone like him so stop being selfish good men are hard to find!!!!! from a sister to another sister
ReplyDeleteI think it is selfish of you to say you dont want to have kids with him, if you dont want to give him kids then let him go
ReplyDeleteMy dear let him go, but bear it in mind that the times we are in you are NOT going to meet a man like him again. Unless you are not telling the truth here, that there is more to this story that meets the eye. He needs his own children, one day ur ex can come and decide to take his children so where will he stand then? if you can not give him at least one then leave him be.
ReplyDeletepls move aside for younger women who want to marry and born and stop being so fucking selfish
ReplyDeleteHaba,don't be stingy with kids jor,God has given u a second chance,don't mess it up. He's a guy 4 crying out loud and would want his own kids too like u
ReplyDeleteHe is good to your kids and you dont want to have for him, YOU ARE JUST BLOODY SELFISH! Do you think its easy for a man to look after kids that are not his own? Whatever floats your boat though, you have seen the guy that is your spec and you are still being choosy. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteThis is easy, if you are sure you don't want any more children then move on, this way he can look for some one who will give him children, I can understand this man. You have your own children but you don't want him to have his own ? that is very very selfish on your part! I wonder what he is even doing with you.
ReplyDeleteif he has the money for 5, why not go for it. Money i mean the 5 all school abroad for university.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,love aside, people change, thing go wrong sometimes. we dnt pray for things to go wrong but wat if ..........?,Can u handle d situation,"5 kids & urself"?
ReplyDeletePls ♍Æ” dear don't be self centerted d truth is that u can agree with him on two more for him if u realy realy luv him as u claim. Its nt easy but oderwise is neither easy too
ReplyDeleteU claim u love y can't u satisfy him,dats wat he want.do it.2 children is nt 2 much.if I may ask sef wat do u want frm him if u can't bear children 4 him.Pls safe ursef frm prob
ReplyDeleteWhy judging the poor woman!! You pple should think about her health as well as making the man happy. If in the process that guy will not remember that she made sacrifice for him. If I were you let him go and u will surely find another man who will understand you very well. Gudluck dear
ReplyDeleteThere is a choice...Let him go.
ReplyDeleteHe is not unreasonable asking for kids...you are..
Let him go....
Madam, please let him go if you are not ready to give him at least 2 kids, even 3. You dont have to selfish.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, truth be told, you're only being selfish! if it was you that didnt have a child you wont complain about age and figure. If you love this man like you claim, give him children, start trying to get pregnant!!
ReplyDeletey do u want to cheet him,ehhm? U hav ur own u dnt want him to hav or ar u scerd his goin to luv his own more dan urs letter? Pls trrrry n giv him one to complete d happiness of every one in d family.
ReplyDeleteyou re only being selfish, i'm sure u only claim to love him cos of the benefits attached to it, he luvs ur kids nd all. But u don't want to sacrifice anything, my dear true luv comes wit alot of sacrifice
ReplyDeleteL♥√ع is sacrifice... And I think he deserves that much cuz dere r few men that will ßε̲̣ willing to take anoda mans responsibility up even when they can afford it.. I don't thnk he'z asking for Ï„̲̅σ much ..ts only logical that he wants his own children... Just do this for L♥√ع but if U̶̲̥̅̊ r rili sure U̶̲̥̅̊ don't want it den let him go
ReplyDeletewat kind of love and marriage proposal comes wit a condition?it seems like he loves d kids u ll give him,more dan he loves being wit u.my dear,d foundation is alrdy shaken.wat happens if u cnt bear children?d love ll fold den?if he really loves you,he should marry you,cos i beliv u cud have a change of hart and let go of your fears eventually.anyways,he dat wears d shoes knws wre it hurts most so use ur head.
ReplyDeleteAre u sure she can still bear children? She's a selfish & wicked woman who doesn't deserve dat man....Abeg direct d man †̥☺ M̶̲̅ε̲̣ ....A̶̲̥̅♏ single, fruitful & ready †̥☺ have more than 2 kids!!
ReplyDeleteAre u sure she can still bear children? She's a selfish & wicked woman who doesn't deserve dat man....Abeg direct d man †̥☺ M̶̲̅ε̲̣ ....A̶̲̥̅♏ single, fruitful & ready †̥☺ have more than 2 kids!!
ReplyDeleteThat is why we have the word "Compromise" in relationship, u already have children of your own and no matter how nice he is to ur kids he will also want his own biological children... I see no reason why u cant give him kids if u truly love him like u claimed but if it will have any medical implication on ur health,Pls DONT!!
ReplyDeleteBecause u need to be in perfect shape to take of ur children...My advice is that both of u shld seek a medical expert advice before u continue with the Lovey Dovey.. Wish U Well, Linda post my comment ooooooo
Do you know the meaning of love? I no you dont live him pls let him go and get a better woman for him self. You have your own children and you dont want him to have his, dont you think that you are so lucky for a single guy to love you with three children.
ReplyDeleteMadam i think you should think about it very well. Not after having babies, the man will start seeing reasons why he cannot cope with your children from the other man. But if u feel he loves u so much and will never disappoint u, go ahead and give him a child.
ReplyDeleteLove is all about being happy when when ur partner is happy!!! I am a woman but I do completely understand d guy when he says he needs children...don't let go of dat guy give him kids of his own n remember u will need a companion when u get old!!!
ReplyDeleteLIB readers r great!!!ur advice are all wow!!! If only u ppl r advisers 2 fed gov,Nig will b goo by now
ReplyDeletedon't you think you are been selfish?
ReplyDeletePls leave d guy alone u don't need marriage and kids now mk d money babe and find a dude to service u up when u cold look after d ones u hav u scared of beening lonley but u can't man er trouble if u tink u settle one as in d kids issue anoda is coming economy nt good for to many children
ReplyDeleteU̶̲̥̅̊ aint being very explicit when u̶̲̥̅̊ used d word SUICIDAL, ÈŠ̝̊̅§ it dt when u̶̲̥̅̊ get pregnant again, u̶̲̥̅̊'r going †̥☺ die or what? Or ÈŠ̝̊̅§ it dt u̶̲̥̅̊ do av alot of complication during pregnancy and/or childbirth? Any answer †̥☺ dis qns hs †̥☺ b backed-up wif a medical report stating d risk n dangers involved... If dis d pregnancy ÈŠ̝̊̅§ gonna cost u̶̲̥̅̊ anyfin too expensive(life/deformation), u̶̲̥̅̊ av †̥☺ sit n discuss d issue wif ur fiance n explain evryfin in detail n probably go †̥☺ d medical expert 2geda, if he still stand on d ground of aving his own kids, my dear hop on d nxt flight outta dt relationship... Fine!, its reasonable n quite understandable of him †̥☺ want his own kids frm a woman he loves bt his love 4 her life shd come 1st in evryfin....
ReplyDeleteAnyfin contrary †̥☺ d ground I av mentioned earlier, that ÈŠ̝̊̅§, not wanting pregnancy based on unreasonable or flimsy excuses(gain/loss of weight or figure, go thru stress involved..) ÈŠ̝̊̅§ very selfish of u̶̲̥̅̊. Try †̥☺ imagine him in ur own shoe and he refused on d ground of nt wanting †̥☺ follow u̶̲̥̅̊ †̥☺ ante-natal or oda unreasonable grounds? If u̶̲̥̅̊ love him as much as u̶̲̥̅̊ claimed, aving his kids shd jst b a token †̥☺ pay.
~~~~~CUTIE~~~~~
Oh No!plz dont let him go!you two get married asap,give him children,he needs children of his own. if God has been faithful to bring such good man your way again,den u should put all effort to keep your loved ones en make d rest of your life enjoyable on earth~~wanas
ReplyDeleteTHIS GREEDY SELFISH WOMAN. DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT BEFORE YOU GOT ENGAGED TO HIM? ARRANT NONSENSE...IF IT WERE YOUR BROTHER WOULD YOU LIKE WHAT HIS FINACE HAS JUST TOLD HIM THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE CHILDREN. OLE OLOJUKOKORO MAKE YOU NO LET ME VEX RUBBISH. JUST LET THAT MAN GO QUICK AND GO AND FIND SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HAS KIDS TOO SO AT LEAST HE WON'T WANT ANY MORE AS WELL. GREEDY SILLY WOMAN.
ReplyDeleteJune 11, 2013 at 11:01 AM
ReplyDeleteAND IF THERE ARE MEDICAL REASONS THEN SHE SHOULD LET HIM GO...WICKED WOMAN IN MY OWN OPINION WHO WANTS TO EAT HER CAKE AND HAVE IT MSCHEW!!!!!
SO HE WILL SPEND HIS MONEY TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE HIS OWN ABI WHAT A WICKED EVIL WOMAN YOU ARE!!!JUST LET HIM GO NOW IN FACT IF I WERE HIS SITER I WILL BE THE ONE TO CHASE YOU OUT MYSELF RABBISH
ReplyDeleteOLE OLOJU INSECT. IKA OBIRIN BURUKU. SO YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE KIDS ABI CHAI SEE SELFISHNESS WHAT AN EVIL WOMAN NANSENSE!!!
ReplyDeleteAppreciate this post. Will try it out.
ReplyDeleteTake a look at my website - cellulite treatment
If u r not comfortable with his conditions pls quit. That's ALL
ReplyDeleteIf u r not comfortable with his conditions pls quit. That's ALL
ReplyDeleteTo anonymous whose friend got mistress pregnant your friend is a bastard and will rot in hell....so he thinks not planning to tell his wife is a good things? Stupid idiot, did they force him to marry his wife? Anyway am not surprised men r fool of shit...that's how they have kids all over and leave trouble behind when their sorry arse go six feet under......pray God gives the wife her own children so he hides his randy headyin shame...stupid fool...
ReplyDeleteEngaged for two years? mehn that sounds like forever••• Anyways Sounds like he is comfortable•Marry him already and give him his own kids too•••I mean wouldn't you want kids too if you had none? saying you don't want to give him any child sounds selfish on your path if you L♥√ع him to death like you claim then do it for him!
ReplyDeletePRETTY GIRL
I think that ur guy needs his head examined, doesn't have a family to give him good advice or im don chop juju. How can a single guy be trying to get married to a divorcee in the first place,WITH 3 CHILDREN ALREADY EH... When remain when I'm wan enjoy for there as a man.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you don't find that kind of man everyday, the fact that he loves you enough to L♥√ your 3 children means he is kind hearted.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is that, you get pregnant @ least 2, like he wants, or 1. Listen, your 3 children are all grown up, trust me, it will be a perfect idea and advantageous most especially for you @ old age, think about it .
Are people really saying this woman is selfish to not spend 20 months of her advanced maternal aged life, bearing children? Do you know what it means to already have 3 children? And to think you are done? And then to now start over with diapers and sleepless nights and runny noses? LIBers dont have jobs, or dont have kids and are obviously not doctors (the ones who are making these stupid comments anyway...Bloglord, I expected better from you. Dont you live in the states? Dyu know how expensive it is to have kids here? Or anywhere for that matter? Or is it in Nigeria, one of the worst places in the world to have a child or raise a child, that you should now add 2 more people to suffer?.)
ReplyDeleteThis is a little bit of a rant, I know...but Im 6 months pregnant with my second girl ! Papa Ifu wants 3 more, but na lie o!!! One more to try and have a boy, THATS IT!!! Dyu hear me PAPA IFU? I hope you're reading this!
Everything hurts! I cant wait to be done with this pregnancy...
Back to the question: Linda, tell this lady to stand her ground. Its actually abuse to "force" someone to have kids against their will....You guys should have discussed this before hand but now that you're here, you have to weigh the pros and cons. If he wont take you as is, then you have to let him go...and you need to be sure...don't let him agree to marry but leave room for him to cajole you...
ok, i gotta get some breakfast...im obviously hypoglycemic.
mama ifu
Madam I take God beg u, free that guy so he can get a single fresh younger lady meant for him. You should not be selfish rather should u inconvenience urself or even d guy for that sex u are both having. U have enjoyed d better part of ur life with someone else, pls and pls free am
ReplyDeleteIf there is no medical danger at hand, then you are a very selfish and inconsiderate woman.
ReplyDeletemadam, tell urself the truth. no bias. everyone can lie to you but u cant lie to urself. u will always know d truth no matter how much u try not 2. simply ask yourself this question;
ReplyDeleteif the reverse was the case, what would you do? base your judgement on that. will you be ready to forfeit the longing for your own children?
i think you are being selfish (eat ur cake and have it). what do u think?
OMMGG!!! YOUR RIDICULOUSLY SELFISH
ReplyDeletebecause you have kids of your own you now want someone else to go a life time without children... ahh ika ni e
there are many young women out there that no man wants to mary because they have one child
you!! you have THREEE and the man wants to marry you regardless and u wanna deprive him of children.
its not your fault because you managed to get someone that gave u ring..
let him goo nahhhhh...and u will see who else is willing to marry you and raise three teenagers that are not him.
you dont know what u have
SELFISH FUCKTARD!!
Dont u tink ure being selfish? If u were in hus shoes would u accept such a condition?
ReplyDeleteYOUR SOOO SELFISH
ReplyDeleteur lucky he only wants 2,u never jahmmmm men that will make u produce 4 ...better let him marry someone that is less selfish cause clearly all u think about is ME ,ME ME
so he should not father a child ,,but he should be paying for ur own 3 kidss
ahh ur wicked ...God did not make him impotent
y do u wanna make someone else's child a bastard
My question is;- if it was the reverse,wouldn't you want him to do the same for you?If u had met him with three grown kids n he insisted you wouldn't have any kids of ur own how would you feel?
ReplyDeleteit's very simple...just apply the golden rule-"do unto others as you want others to do unto you"
I think your question is just as silly as you sound...just saying.
@ Mam ifu,and it's not abuse to force someone not to have their own kids right?Please stand corrected that LIBers have jobs and have kids of their own.I am a mother and a working one at that so i understand what it means to go through pregnancy and in a harsh economy so don't give me that bull!
ReplyDeleteNobody said it was going to be easy...at least 1 child is ok.den she can beg him to have no more kids.basically,she'll meet him half way.would u still sound like this if it were the reverse?
Marriage(nt just love) all about sacrifice and if u as a wife n mother can't understand that,then what else on earth can you understand?
if u give him his own children he would get tired of your 3 children and eventually mistreat them so babe pls let him go for your children's sake.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I know exactly what you feel and have been in the same boat as you. I made it clear to my guy at the beginning that I did not want anymore kids. BUT I looked at the way he was with me, with my children and realised that he deserves to be a father himself and not just a step dad. Iit is a sacrifice but if you truly love him then you need to make the sacrifice hor him. I've done it and my boo will be a daddy in the true sense of the word in a few weeks. Believe me I never wanted more children but I specifically asked God for a heart of flesh concerning this matter and now I cannot believe how happy and content I am concerning this baby. Finally, consider that any child or children you have will complete the link between your hubby and your children. This child will cement what you already have. Trust God and he will surprise you.
ReplyDeleteMama ifu, I love ur comments... Got me laffing out loud whilst being vry educating!!!
ReplyDeleteTo d post; evry1 one is entitled to his/her opinion and we really shud respect dat...we can only advice but nt judge/insult....my candid advice is for dem to do what makes dem happy...lolz
You obviously do not understand the meaning of love if u can't understand why he wants his own children. put urself in his shoes and think about it. As selfish as ur thots are, u don't deserve him. Remain a single mum!
ReplyDeleteAh ah! make una see me see torokwocha o!
ReplyDeleteYou have said it "he doesn't have children of his own", give him children nah. Hia!
Let him go if you no wan do. You knoew he wanted children during ur 4 solid years of the relationship, wetin come happen we u still dey for inside the relationship? It means that you have been considering it. You are only asking for our opinion because you have already decided u will have the children for the man, but you just want us to dissuade you. The ring he put on ur finger 2 yrs ago is a symbol of love, friendship and wombship.
Hmmmmm!I no aw it feels to e pregnant again d pain and all dt.bt sincerly you need to born for him ni ooooooo cus dats d only way you can prove your love to him
ReplyDeleteThis woman must be a joker...mtcheeeeew
ReplyDeleteMy dear,u beta run 4 40,bcos u will have problems leta in d marriage,as their will b divided interest and jelousy will also come 2 play.
ReplyDeleteyou would be crazy to let him go. what is it for you to give him two kids that he doesnt have. if you love him you would because at the end of the day he loves you two and you cant deprive him of something he doesnt have. moreover you have 3 kids that are your blood why not give him his own two. if you dont another woman will think of it as the cycle of life. :). no hard feelings.
ReplyDeleteShuuuuu see devil see this Anti oooo! Chai you take style wicked ooo Anti! Make boda dey service you, dey carry your own pikin? E dey do me mak i stone you wit this fufu wey i dey chop
ReplyDeleteAs far as I am concerned na the foolish man I blame. There are robust sweet 16s there who will do anything to have kids, he no see those ones na mama 39 with baggage he wan die put for her yard. A WOMAN WITH KIDS IS A BAGGAGE PERIOD! And these predicament you brought on yourself came as a result of her baggages if she don't have them she won't be thinking in such a selfish way!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when adults ask stupid questions. Can't you see it is a trap...? You feel suicidal at the thought of having more kids, then don't...!
ReplyDeleteMust you marry the man in the first place...? Can't you enjoy the status quo and remain engaged for as long as you can...? Just be tactful about it. You don't have to tell him you are no longer interested. Just keep up the contraception and promise him that if he can get you pregnant, you'll agree to his terms. Then lay back and enjoy yourself while you watch him try.
If it's rubbers you guy use, you may wanna start learning various safe contraception methods that don't backfire and result in Octoplets. You go commit pass suicide, be that.
If all that doesn't work, I am so available... Hon. I'll be good to your kids too and I promise not to knock you up. It is not do or die for a man to procreate a child of his own. It is just selfish vanity and base popular opinions that induces the urge.
Mr. No Wahala.
please leave him oh. this love will turn to hate five years from now.
ReplyDeleteare you mad ney?no matter how much he loves your kids except if his an impotent man but everyman would want to father his own child na so u should give him 1.haba dont be selfish na woman!
ReplyDeletegive him a child if u truly love him, he deserves it
ReplyDeletethe question is,what do you both want? he wants a child, you want love? what if he is with you because he wants a child and not the marriage, and you re with him because of the love/ and security of marriage not the child! think about it! Love with your head Maam,Unconditional love is from God not Man
ReplyDeletemadam this man does not need you for sex, he realy love you, and he din't love you b'cus of many thing is to have is own child{ren} from you. And if you realy love him do as he want to put joy to his life if you dont love him leave him to have another woman to get his child{ren}. He care for you and your children so why you dont want to make him happy? An do not take much advice on this mater b'cus if you take much advice you will confiused.
ReplyDeletemadam this man does not need you for sex, he realy love you, and he din't love you b'cus of many thing is to have is own child{ren} from you. And if you realy love him do as he want to put joy to his life if you dont love him leave him to have another woman to get his child{ren}. He care for you and your children so why you dont want to make him happy? An do not take much advice on this mater b'cus if you take much advice you will confiused.
ReplyDeletei get where he's coming from. but my guys its not easy having children especially if youre the ones bearing them. come on now. give her a break. rather than her being selfish, it seems like he's being a bit mean. having three kids so close to each other and the eldest only twelve is not easy. being pregnant is not easy at all. and i doubt hes going to be the one getting up to feed it or changing diapers or making the food plus going to work. give her a break. also, why di this ultimatum come up after two years of engagement? are you sure he knows your feelings and is not using this to push you away purposefully. im sorry but if he only wants to marry you so you can shit out his kids then i think you really need to re-evaluate your relationship.
ReplyDeleteMadam be sincere here please are you sure you are not using black magic on this innocent guy? because i don't see any reason why a reasonable single guy will stick to a divorcee with 3kids haba! wetin remain there wey the guy go enjoy self...or should i say you sabi do the thing wellwell ni? i think the guy needs his head examined. Please if you can't give him a child let the poor guy go abeggy.
ReplyDeleteMadam be sincere here please are you sure you are not using black magic on this innocent guy? because i don't see any reason why a reasonable single guy will stick to a divorcee with 3kids haba! wetin remain there wey the guy go enjoy self...or should i say you sabi do the thing wellwell ni? i think the guy needs his head examined. Please if you can't give him a child let the poor guy go abeggy.
ReplyDelete