From a LIB reader...
Is there any need to let your husband know how many men you had intimate relationships with before you two got married?
For me, I told my husband about the guys i dated in the past on a 'need to know' basis. If conversation geared towards that area or if he knew me when i was dating the guy, then i tell him. Aside that, i dont say anything.
A friend of mine who just had her traditional wedding last xmas was telling me that she and her hubby had a 'say it all' evening, where they discussed everything they had done in and out of relationships before they got married. even the relationships they have had after meeting but before getting married! What is the point really?
Wouldnt the man look at you as a whore (even if he doesnt say it) if you have had a lot of guys gone thru there? Could you put this out there let's see what LIBers think of it.
Please share your thoughts!
Well if u know banging diff guys will make people think of u as a ho, then u shouldn't have done it. Same goes to the guys tooo! I used to think all men where womanizers until I met this 24yr old virgin, ok bottom line is that if ur no is high, then u give an estimate so as to avoid problems sha. That's wat I will do!
ReplyDeleteFor all those girls dat say all men are d same, who asked u to try dem all ? :p
DeleteMy dear,,we all ve our past.wat matters s d future ahead of us.
ReplyDeleteI really dnt see d reason why?
ReplyDeleteIf ur no is more than five, omo give an estimate joor! Like if it's 10. I wouldn't say 10. I would just say about 5 or 6 guys. Sounds more bearable that way. Some guys never give u an exact no anyway. Because they lose count. So I'm not telling u everything I did in the past before we got together
ReplyDeleteIt is not all men dat are mature enfu to talk it when u tell dem,some will lafu about it while some will tak it to be one big issue.I dnt see anything wrong in it u can say it nd lafu about it,depends on ur guy if it will nt spoil things
ReplyDeletePLEASE GIRLS DON'T TELL ALL OOOOOO. I BEG YOU. I didn't tell my hubby all yet the only thing I told him he still holds against me... Mschewwwwwwwww.
ReplyDeleteLmao :D
DeleteOld things have passed away! Unless its a permanent illness or condition, no need! Full disclosure has a way of playing on the subconscious... As far as whatever won't impact on ur present relationship, let sleeping dogs lie
ReplyDeleteIf my guy has high numbers I would think him a womanizer too. Thank God me I won't have any problem counting to my future husband. By Gods grace I hope I only get to rise one finger. Lol! I'm not a prude... I'm 24 and still a virgin because all my relationships rush the sex thing and I always cut them off with no! No dey rush me joor! It's gotta feel completely right and I wanna be guilt free before and after.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very wrong step. If he doesn't ask u, pls keep ur mouth shut. I told my bf about my past relationships and he has never stopped rubbing it on my face anytime we had an issue. I know we are compelled to do the innocent thingy; "just so u know, I dated this...did this.." but it doesn't pay off at the end of the day. Forget that ancient remark "don't worry baby, it's all in the past, I'm your present" they will still hint on it one way or the other and not in a polite manner. If he doesn't ask u, keep ur mouth shut, if he do ask u, don't tell it all. Capishe?
ReplyDeleteIts so not a good idea to be honest...Guys are just not it. Even if they dont have any issues with your past, chances are that they will tell their friends who would now plant seeds of discord and distrust. Theres no need, abeg!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMany men want to hear all the dirty little secrets that their women has but the truth is, we can't handle most of them. And like they say, what you don't know don't kill. I once dated a girl I really loved but she committed the error of telling me she had aborted thrice. I stopped seeing her a few months later and even though I didn't say so, that was the real reason. In my mind, I was like what if she can never have any more kids of her own
ReplyDeletedont fink its bad if u tell it all
ReplyDeletemy husbie will av an heart attack if i tell him d number of guys av kpanshed...y tell? abegi.
ReplyDeleteOmo u bad gan! Lol!!
DeleteYeah it's ok to tell him, bcos it may not be nice if he should hear it elsewhere.. I personally told my fiance of my past relationship and he did same... If he thinks that i'm a whore then he is one too lolzz. But is all about the maturity
ReplyDeleteTo me it doesn't really matter, as far it is okay with you two. However, you can use the info agaianst each other. If you don't trust your spouse not to used the info as weapon against you, then make on a need to know basis alone.
ReplyDeletedts y its good to keep urslf as a woman in d 1st place,if sh has gone round den sh is really a whore.
ReplyDeleteBack to the main issue u ave 2 knw ur partner 1st if he is sum1 dt cn tke ur past den u cn tell him all bt if nt, tell d important tins dt wont destroy ur marriage wen he hears 4rm 3rd party.
Most Men admire confidence in women...if you cannot tell ur man everything then it means you see yourself as a whore and you are ashamed of your past.......personally for me marriage is about trust and undertanding ...if I am to marry i would tell my guy everything its either you accept the full me or not....what if you meet one of your ex, and your with him?....then arguments occur in your marriage.....anyways evryone has what wrks best fr them...
ReplyDeletei decided to tell my husband the things i had done in the past and he had no problem whatsoever. BUT when we finally got married, most times we had misunderstandings, he would call me a prostitute! and all manner of names. even at that i still believe i did the right thing. no one has the right to judge anyone based on their past.
ReplyDeleteAbeg what he doesn't know won't hurt him. There is absolutely no need to spill. You should spend more of your energy trying to stay faithful in the marriage because when the chips are abit down and you both are constantly engaged in arguments, those old boyfriends always find a way to call you andtry to meet up with you. You are venerable at that point and should spend your energy being strong and saying MI
ReplyDeleteWhat he doesn't knw won't kill him. Never imagine tht saying it all will make him love u or trust u more...infact, its quite the contrary. So ladies, please zip those lips. Nobody ask u!!!
ReplyDeleteIhuoma so dis na ur own opinion?wel done!i guess u are rite.dis is somebody u use to knw.longtym...
DeleteIn my opinion i think the hubby needs to know enough to avert any future problems esp.those you know will hurt him badly. I am married i told my hubby all that he needs to know and left one little detail apart thou he knws about the guy...the rest wont hurt him.
ReplyDeleteOf course he'll look at you like a whore
ReplyDeleteBecause that's what you are. It just depicts how willing you are to let anybody go through you. A shame really. Good thing is, you can't hide forever even if you lie at first:))
If need been I will spill out but we can never have a confession nite cos there are somethings i Don't want to knw.. Ignorance is bliss..j
ReplyDeletei read this exact same thing from a website a friend introduced me to!
ReplyDeletehere is the link
http://www.wivesroundtable.net/topic56-does-hubby-need-to-know-d-men-uve-slept-with.aspx
For me, im no need to know jare, afterall, will he tell me his own?
whoever speaks first obviously would tell a lie and when the discussion gets heated the point of defense would be 'i just wanted to see how you would react' na so, please just enjoy your marriage and keep quiet about the other escapades........
ReplyDeleteMen do not need so much details about your past as much as they want you. Just dont lie about it!
ReplyDeleteEspecially if u knw he's ready to take you as a wife and he is not trying to sample round like some men do.
Men are very jealous and so am surprised a man actually sat his woman down to ask her everything abt her past relationships outside theirs.
Trust me he would swallow poison or probably hug d nearest transformer if he heard so much bad side of her.
Hmmmmm u Berra shut it oh, I hav a friend who told her hubby all abt d guys who had passed thru her and till date whenever they quarrel he calls her a prostitute then anoder friend who I knw has had more men than Kim she didn't mention any thg to her hubby and in his eyes she's an angel in short 2 him he's d second man 2 ever hit her promise land cos she wasn't a virgin now so thr was only one man b4 him dat was when I made my decision 2 Berra shut my trap too when getting married. Dear Lib readers if u had d intention of ratting ursef out u Berra shut it.tansh u
ReplyDeletemy own husband actually made me a promise that he would never use my past against me or judge me based on my past but now that we're finally married, he's a constant reminder of the mistakes i made in the past. i will still advise anyone going into marriage to tell their fiancé/fiancee the details of their past no matter how terrible it is. it is better they know before they make a commitment to you.
ReplyDeletewat was done in d past shuld stay in d past. cos if u decide to tell him evrything,it can count against u later in ur marriage.
ReplyDeletewat was done in d past shuld stay in d past. cos if u decide to tell him evrything,it can count against u later in ur marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis is how it's done. Tell your husband how many men you have dated not how many you have slept with. That way your number's will reduce.
ReplyDeleteMy aunty lost her marriage cos of dat.. Past is past, and men can b awfully jealous. I told my fiancée I got only two guys in d past before I met and data it. Women fink like men and act like ladies.. Dose sort of finks r left where they should b.
ReplyDeleteI think it's not compulsory u do that.It shld be strictly on a "need to know"basis cos surely d guy wl look at u lyk a b**ch nd wil strt loosin trust.
ReplyDeleteWhat grandma doesn't know won't kill her... #my opinion.
ReplyDeleteHmmnnn.I think its very important dt ur hubby gets to know evrything cos u neva know what tomao holds.
ReplyDeleteUnless asked, dont tell but once you've been asked, the truth is best. if its true love, the past wont matter.
ReplyDeletei dont think it is necessary,let by gone, be by gone. when u let out such details , it gives room for suspicion, when something that relates to the past happens again.
ReplyDeleteI fink its important. No man wants to hear no funny stories bou' his lady.so its best he knos it all. So no suprises in dt area. If he loves u, trust me nofin wd change.
ReplyDeletefirst timer. yipeee
ReplyDeletei dont think i can tell him all.
the past is just that....the PAST!! Let's move on, darling :D
ReplyDeleteits better you tell your spouse everything before marriage, although it takes a lot of gusts but it helps the relationship and the foundation will be very strong. if your spouse tuly loves you he will appreciate your honesty and he will forever love you.
ReplyDeleteShez makin ha man luk down on ha despite d fact dey ar married he wud srt loosin his respect 4 ha truth
ReplyDeleteWell its gud to tell ur boyfy al d relationships u hv had b4 u two strts datin b4 he turns husband. So what I'm sayin is dat dnt wait for "say it all"moments b4 u say sumtins or till hez nw ur husband,so if he won't date u he shud go cuz its ur past.
ReplyDeleteI feel honesty will forever be the best policy. But m'sister, if u had soooo many affairs, i'll advice u kip quiet n jst say 'i've dated some pple b4'. Men re smthn else smtims. Dey can sooo judge a woman ehhnn..... Use ur brains!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am FIRST! Secondly, I don't see why you need a tell it session. It is as good as it is risky!
ReplyDeleteIf your husband isn't at all the jealous type like me, and you are SURE of it, you can tell but if you are not sure of what may come from there, keep ur 'lips'shut!
And here is ur award for being 'first' olodo!
DeleteAnonymous 8:07
Deleteit's either you're a stupid kid or an adult with reading disability for replying without understanding was was written. Every body is entitled to his or her opinion so next time if you hav no comment, DO NOT COMMENT OR REPLY .
For me, I dont really see any need to tell the hubby everything that happened in my past... I mean my past is past.
ReplyDeleteBut, even if i have to tell him something, then its gonna be the one's i think he should know. there's no need really telling the hubby the number of people you have been with.
HELL NO, I AIN'T SAYING SHIT......... my secrets are my secrets
ReplyDeleteHe only needs to know what he needs to know abeg!!!....dear ladies, ur man will never tell u all that he has done in the past so dont say yours!!He will one day use it against u...do not say it all
ReplyDeleteThe past is the past. now is what matters. For I told hubby everything.
ReplyDeletei tink its a gud idea to hav such talks to clear the air.i did it wit my hubby and it was guud.we respect each other, we let go of the past and we r best of friends now.but the 2 of u have to be prepared to forgive and forget, that is key.
ReplyDeleteMe! for where, i will never tell my woman everything i did in the past. It might affect the relationship cuz she will think i womanize a lot. Wen i get married i will only tell her a few........harrison
ReplyDeleteAh ah no no Linda itz nat proper Oo...gosh! So if 2 say ma wife don sleep wif more than 6 or 10 guyz in da past b4 we marry; na so she go dey count am 4 me: WIFE spills; Emeka disflowered me at da age of 14.I slept wif Charles wen i was abt leaving high sch.Jude jilted me after a romantic affair in ma 100 level buh slept wif him only once.Urm In my final year i met diz Austin by name whom i tot would be my future husband buh we lost contact as soon as we went 4 our youth service.There in camp i met Chris buh da relationship didn't last as he travelled out of da country as soon as we left camp after three weeks.Chris was superb in bed and i was enjoying da relationship buh never knew he had a different plan altogether till we left camp.I was posted to P.P.M.C a subsidiary of N.N.P.C where i met u.Buh i engaged in another relationship and cheated on u 4 fear dat u might jilt me.I dated Mr Humphrey who promised to marry me.Mr Humphrey was da chief security officer P.P.M.C b4 he was transfered to Portharcourt branch.I almost gave up buh lo and behold u my husband engaged me.Now Linda having read dis lil story above dat would look like samfin dat would come outta my FUTURE wife's mouth,U expect me 2 stay put,sit down and listen 2 utter crap spewed outter her mouth? No way...infact i won't giv her da priviledge 2 spew such shit.NONSENSE AND INGREDIENT.
ReplyDeleteLaff wan kill me lol
DeleteHian!!!! You tell him 3, your first boyfriend, the one before him, and him.If he does not believe you, that is for his pocket. Unless there was photographic evidence or camera action - you dated without sex. The day he gets angry or insecure or jealous he will use it to demean you.
ReplyDeleteMen can be callous - It's little things like this that chip away at the foundation of a marriage.
Nobody needs to know body count. The most important thing is you are fluid bonded - BOTH STD FREE with bi-annual testing.
@ d baddest Nanko!!! Very on point.. 3.. Na d same numba I gather give my man.. Is crazy.. Honesty wiv nigerian men especially d ibo guys.. Na joke of the year..
DeleteI was a proper runs girl before I got married how would I tell my hubby I slept wit many men uncountable sef before I got married I only told him abt my last relationship before I met him n didn't tell him I had aborted before until when I was pregnant wit my daughter had my wedding in d states cos I was scared one of aristos will come n destroy it o or someone might tell my hubby abt my past.anyway all dat is past now as am born again but still can't bring myself to tell him abt my past don't see any reason to as it was before I met n married him.P.S he told me his ex gfriend has many abortions for him n she didn't tell him until after dey broke up anyways all is bygone now
ReplyDeleteIf the girl is from my village, I demand to know the men she's been with.....If she's within my circle of friends around where I reside/work, I also demand to know who she's been with....It may sound stupid on my part,as you would say, that was in her past, but honestly,am not the kind of guy who would feel all good to know that some dude from my village had actually slept with my girl.Ego thing I suppose!That's why I'd date someone far away from where I come from, than someone from my area.
ReplyDeleteAnother reason why I would love to talk with my lady is to honestly know about her sexual history.It's important that I know how active her sex life is before committing so that I can work on myself to be a better lover if she's the kind that has a high sex libido.I have been a relationship where I couldn't match the lady's libido.....I was drained, and that affected my esteem, because I felt that she would never ever be satisfied with just one man.I just don't want to be with a lady that will be comparing me with her ex after I had tied the knots,wouldn't be able to communicate with me,but feels so cool to discuss our problems with her friends.
My one cent, and am sticking by it because by communicating with her, we bond better and are able to help each other, which to me, is the whole essence of companionship in marriage.
God knws I will neva eva say it all,I told my hubby d nid to knw aspect cos he is a man,n dey cn be funny sumtimes.so I rily dnt tink its dat necessary to say it all,cos he wld use it against u sumday
ReplyDeleteMy sister, from experience, no need telling... Men r like babies, when they get angry, they will just squeal and tell it d way it is and ds could be so disturbing for d woman wishing she never said anytn... Imagine a woman telling her hubby how many abortions she's had only for tns to get hooked up in terms of childbearing, u can tell what some men can say in such situations... No matter, d height of d love, it's safe to keep certain sensitive issues to one' self...
ReplyDeleteLinda, wats happening today... U haven't published comments... I tire o... Pls, make sure u publish all my comments, ysday i didn't see any of my comments and honestly i felt so sad... Plrizzz! Ada oma, biko mee kaa my comments puta ife... Dalu..
ReplyDeleteI promise ur friend dat her hubby will insult d hell out of her oneday oneday....I've said all bfr n it led to disrespect!
ReplyDeletePersonally, i don't think it's necessary xcept our conversation gears towards that. its all in the past and its best to leave it that way. buh if my hubby wants us to bare it all out den he should not get worked up unnecessarily cos i'm not even interested in his past as long as he doesnt have a child,i'm ok. wat i dont know will never kill me so wats d point of delving into wat might cos me emotional and psychological pains? its just unecessary......
ReplyDeletethat's why we value virgins more who give it to there's husbands alone.
ReplyDelete'disrupted' ladies are like 3rd class/economy plane tickets. No one wants them if you can fly a 1st/business class .
BUT SHA WE WILL STILL BE SAMPLING CHICKS WEY GO OPEN EASILY B4 WE SETTLE FOR THE BEST
Olodo! U be virgin? Ewure!
DeleteD man n d woman should not say al abt their past cos it could dent their image n may lead 2 distrust n fear of d future. Rather, a little of d past can b told, 2 preserve dignity. My thoughts though.
ReplyDeletewell if u haven't had so many men n d man has had a multitude of chics what happens den, its a flip sided coin, iv had a handful of guys n my man has had a truckload of women, along d way I decided dat d knoWledge of it doesn't change nufin instead it creates dis trustn I decided to stop askn q's he loves me absolutely now dats what matters
ReplyDeleteAm engaged to be married but I recently had phone sex with someone.. Should I tell my fiance b4 we tie knot?
ReplyDeleteNo Judging U o BUT u r engaged to be married n u having phone sex with sum1 else... Y don't u just go n marry dat sum1 cos I forsee cheating tendencies in ur marriage...
DeletetHese re adUlts sPeakin....so dey will kNw beta......all d disavantage n advantage as well.....bUt e Go make sense oooo.....Only if dey re truthfUl in der wOrds.......watevA.....i gO do am iF na me shA!
ReplyDeletepersonally i dont think there is any need to bring in too many details of ur past relationship into a new one.men are very funny peeps a guy friend once sed to me that its not like he wants to marry a virgin and all,he really loves his girlfriend wife to be but he just couldn't help but b jealous that she had been with other guys in d past.
ReplyDeletei also had dis friend who in a madness trance (as thats all i could term it) went and told her bf that she had cheated with about 3 oda guys while they were dating.obviously she thot she as coming clean and they wlda moved on but a guys mind would never work that way.
i suggest d very necessary no details not that u shld lie but no details and if u think lying is essential u cld about numbers sha.but men never forget stuff like that
If he likes let him tell it all, d women he chooked, how he chooked them, how many times, am not saying jack! Anything I open my mouth and reveal, na serious edited version!!
ReplyDeleteLmao! Way forward jare!
DeleteU make sense my dear!
DeleteDon't think there is need for you to start saying the history of ur life unless your bf or fiance wnts to kno. There are some that jst let sleepin dogs lie and start wit a new beggining bt they are some dt jst wnt u to tell them all the tiny details of ur past so they wouldn't be caught unawares... All in all I think it depends on d kind of person you dating. That's my take.
ReplyDeleteThis is 2012 he has to no that u have had other men before just say d truth or dnot even talk abt it
ReplyDeleteWell I realli don't see anyfin wrong with dat.
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason why they say "let sleeping Dogs lie"
ReplyDeleteThere's no need for 2 reasons.
ReplyDelete1. It won't achieve anything
2. Majority of girls can't truely remember all those they've slept with.
No, no, no! It's not right telling one's husband your past in such a the-whole-truth manner. It'll definitely open a can of worms, especially for the man. Your man won't see you as being his ideal woman, knowing full well you've been 'banged' mercilessly.
ReplyDeleteMary
ReplyDeletemy husband and i talked about each other past so NO SURPRISES in the future.....
good thing i didn't have a long chain, although i had one story i wasnt proud of
@ blanco so funny, ' majority of burls don't remember'
ReplyDeleteif they ask u, speak. if they dont, pls let the sleeping dogs lie gracefully and in peace. the past remains in the past. look ahead to a brighter future where u ensure ur mistakes of the past never re-occurs
ReplyDeletesome things are better left unsaid esp for the women folk..madam phone sex keep your mouth shut or you might regret it
ReplyDeleteIts a good topic,its a guidance to the lifestyle young ladies of today should live,always think ahead of marriage and if it will sound right when you open your mouth to say 40 men have slept with you and you have had 10 abortions when indulging in excesses of today.Even if you do not tell him,he will surely get to find out about the sordid past one way or the other,so its best to come out clean,and those who are just growing up should ensure that at least you limit your sexual escapades.Women for a change should put themselves in a man shoes,if you know a girl who has lived a life of bed hopping will you recommend her to your brother,or cousin to wife.Enough said,keep your legs closed to avoid future awkward disclosure.
ReplyDeleteDis is one if those situations where u always plead d fifth
ReplyDeleteur comment is so on point, plead d 5th nd dtz al. Men re too jlous, ma x bf jst telin him dat so so person toasted or is toastin u he wld conclude dat u hav slpt wiid him. Men re incredibly jlous, i'll alwz plead d 5th as d past is lng gone nd al tins hav been made new
DeleteIf they ask just say u dated before u met.That should be all oh....warning ladies don't go in depth.telling all before marriage is what disrupted my marriage Men cannot cope
ReplyDeleteI did it and sometimes I regret it..... Overall its not too bad to tell. But f u can avoid it, don't jus bother tellin!
ReplyDeleteyawns~
ReplyDeletefound me a new blog online
http://www.organicsinfusion.co.uk/
I think its best you let him know if he asks because these things have a way of coming around and hurting even the most established relationships. If he asks I think you should let him know. For the future. Instead of been a divorced single mother
ReplyDeleteSo should a man marry a woman who has had more than 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 Lovers?
ReplyDeleteLikewise, should a woman do same? How much is too much?
I think if both partners are secure, no biggie. If they are not, they shouldnt...
I'm engaged to my bf and we're about to get married very very soon but we're yet to have sex. Im trying to avoid any possible conflicts in the nearestest future, so how do i bring up the topic of our sexual likes and dislikes to him without sounding funny. (d 25 y o v). Pls nice comments only oo. Thanks. Love u Linda ure a life changer.
ReplyDelete( My sis beware o,i'm know u'll know its me)
He deserves to know everything!! better than him finding out later///
ReplyDeleteITS NOT A GOOD IDEA TO TELL.WE ARE HUMANS AND WILL NEVER FORGET IT.
ReplyDeleteKEEP SOME SHIT TO URSELF.IV BEEN MARRIED FOR 6YEARS AND MY HUBBY NEVER ASKED ME HOW MANY MEN DID ME.HE ALSO DIDNT TELL ME AND AM NOT ABOUT TO ASK.AS LONG AS WE BOTH CLEAN OF STDS N HIV,WE GOOD.
MARRIAGE BLESSED AND LOVE INCREASES.NO OLD STORIES
For me, its an ask n tell situation. If u ask me n i knw u r mature enuf to handle d truth, y not? Esp if we r serz with each oda n looking at d future 2geda. I wouldnt want a situation whereby he would hear summin i havent told him frm a 3rd party.
ReplyDeleteAs my mother advised me, if a man doesn't ask you anything about ur past relationship...SHUT UR MOUTH...if he does you say but be mindful, because most men cannot handle the truth not that they are better anyway.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, u tell a man how many relationships you have had....
Secondly, if he asks how many u have been with intimately then you know how to answer that...just be wise. How many men will tell you he has slept with 20 babes????
Thirdly, no need to lie about too much just answer the best way you can.....and if it's meant to be it will be.
Fourthly, ur past is ur past a man that is willingly to over look ur past for a better and brighter future then take him and run....
Everybody should not tell, ladies keep Your prostitute history to yourself and guys please don't tell her about how many girls you paid for their abortion and also how you slept with all her friends.
ReplyDeleteYou will both eventually find God at old age and nothing else matters. That is the process nowadays. Do not spoil it.
It depends on what u both want. My hubby didn't want to know, we weren't having sex before marriage. He told me his, and I dont even remember names! No point really in our case. Thankfully our church does HIV testing b4 marriage.
ReplyDeleteIt truly is a man's world in Naija o! See women dishing out advice as to what to tell and what not to all in the name of make us men no get HBP. My question to my fellow men that cry over how many men their gf or wife to be has slept with; all the one's you professed love to and shagged only to dump them for another woman; don't you think its the same way other guys would have done to your present gf or wife to be, and because of that they became single and met you. Or are us guys saying that our woman shouldn't meet anybody b4 us. Then my question again would be what about the ones you shagged and did not marry what should happen to them? For you Naija women, una dey fall my hand o, why are you feeling guilty about who you have slept with, unless na one night stand there is nothing to be ashamed of. Bf and gf all over the world dey nak everyday, you are not any different. Sex comes with relationships in most cases; hold your heads up and stop feeling sorry for yourselve's, if you show guilt then he will respond in that way, if you stand your ground and make sense no man will bully you into feeling like a whore. Me I don't get into any relationship if there will be no sex, how can I then turn around to judge another human being for having sex. I think Naija guys still live in the stone age, for some reason we think women don't get horny as guys do. We are all human for pete's sake!!!!!! Relationships must not lead to marraige; if we know this then we won't judge. So my dear women and gals, if your bf or fiancee or husband is man enough to ask then he should be man enough to take it, unfortunately us men are always crying over everything that has to do with the female anatomy, so my advice would be not to tell everything. Somethings are better kept to one's self. Deekay gburu gburu
ReplyDeleteSmall boy still dey worry u.
DeleteWell said.. Thumbs up!!
DeleteThere's really no big deal in talking about ur past, no mata how dirty it may seem... If he loves u he would deal with it. Some men marry women who were once prostitutes and they know... Its worse if u lie and claim to be a saint who lost her virginity when she fell off a mango tree, if he finds out later, u r in soup... I told my BF all there is to me and trust me I don't regret it...
ReplyDeleteSince he dnt meet u A̷̷̴̐͠ virgin,he alrdy knos u had A̷̷̴̐͠ past,,no matter hw much d luv Ȋ̝̊̅§ shakin u now,plz dnt spill
ReplyDeleteImagine tellin him u were in2 runz,datin married men,,,if Чυя hubby cheats,u wll b so ashamed 2 confront him cos he knos Чυя past
Nawa oh...Some women have slept with 40 men???? Kilodeh? What are you looking for???? Na real wa oh. No judging but women and men should keep themselves. Dont just open your legs for any guy/girl u see...we can control our urges but instead we choose to allow them control us. I am 26 and I have never had sex with anyone because my personal philosphy is that I cannot share such an intimate moment with anyone who does not feel strongly about me and we women know, we have our intuition to guide us. We know when a guy is not that into us but for material things we spread our legs. This is not to say I havent done other things, I have kissed and smooched and given/received oral sex but my hymen is still intact. I am no saint for that but my advise is for us all especially the younger generation to take heed, a relationship should not just be about sex for Christ's sake. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAs the saying goes what you don't know won't kill you. pls don't tell all the is no point.
ReplyDeleteI would say if he doesn't ask, then you don't av to spill it. Most guys use these things against their wives later when an argument comes up. Please readers, am curious, how do you know if a guy is a virgin?
ReplyDeleteYes ooo, old things done pass away; but the DENT will ever remain - at least we are humans, not divine.
ReplyDeleteIf you have been into a few relationships in the past..You won't find it difficult to talk abt it ..but then if you have been into numbers then that's when girls finds it difficult to talk . Guys knew about this .....so being dodgy about it will make some guys understand that u have had it big in the past....Think about this.
ReplyDeleteI'm re-discussing dis topic wit my fiancee now. Cos we've gone tru dis b4. I'll say its a cool tin 2 do cos "Life itself is a risk" and d only tin we're avoiding is a break-up. But d issue is if d guy loves u so much, no mata wat d past looks like, he'll wont stop loving you.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why some men feel they deserve virgins or angels when they're not virgins themselves! If you ask me I'll tell you and if you don't like the answer then fuck off. Na wa for these men and their delicate egos...nonsense! Don't ask questions you don't really want honest answers to regardless of how dirty they might be.
ReplyDeletelooool everyone is back to anonymous. Yall are some freaks on the low. As for me? my hubby shall know and if he judges me ill slap his whoring face!!!
ReplyDeleteLadies! Ladies!! Ladies!!! Please ZIP it! He doesn't ever need to knw esp when he didn't ask! And if he does ask, 2(two) is. Perfect number to tell! Even if its 30guys uv been wit. I don't even knw y we need a debate on dis topic! Its a NO-NO!!! Also topics like past abortions, contraceptive use, how uv once had to take out Fibroid etc, these guys don't need to know!! Guys r not wired to understand these things ooohh!! Ha!
ReplyDeleteWOW!!!! some peeps blog or comment on dis blog as early as 6am? Naija internet must be on point plus u guyz most be really hooked on LIB...
ReplyDeleteHmmm... Very delicate topic.. Well, if u ve had ur fair share of men, don't go in2 horrid details.. but if u know ur past may catch up wit U then tell him wat he needs 2 know b4 he hears it 4rm a 3rd party.. Better safe than sorry..
ReplyDeleteI like a girl with a little experience,there are virgins but rare to find,if i meet a beautiful sexy virgin,then i am a lucky man,if I dont,life goes on.Its the heart that matters ,not the virgin or not.
ReplyDeleteONOME says.............
ReplyDeleteHe wants to marry a virgin but he's no virgin???lmao.Double standard much?
shii........ this is why i'm going for a virgin when i'm ready.
ReplyDeletecan't deal with hoes who have effed more than 1 man(your a hoe if you've had 2 or morre) or done some abortion.that's just nasty most nigerians girls r nasty af only a few r still preserved
damn!!!! anon May 18, 2012 4:29 PM and a.y.o went hard! lol good thing i'm still a virgin so no dark secret my hubby will have 2 worry about.
ReplyDeleteits a big mistake to tell guys the no of men u've been with ooh. personally i've nt had penetrative sex wiv any guy but dang, i've done the others... hymen still in place and wen my ex asked me how many guys ve kissed, i told him and believe me any little confrotation we have, he starts to count... now what if i had slept with these guys in question then i'm done for abi??? i'm not saying a word to any man again.... no kiss n tell.. keep ur past and i keep mine. so far you dont have STDS or a child, i guess we're good to go plus who's looking for a virgin guy.#shrugs... btw my ex was ibo... so if u're gonna spill dont make the mistake of spilling to an ibo man or u're done for.
ReplyDeleteLinda my tak is that...
ReplyDeletewhen he ask yoyu the questions you tell him what he needs to know but pls be discreet on the details. Men are so insensitive, he culd use this against you in a way later on.. and trust me.. except if he is really Born Again as in Kasko type will he tell you every detail. how many guys will tell their woman they slept with a prostitute and had to pay someone to blowjob them? so seriously I counsell the ladies to be discreet when revealing. I do really bliv that people change regardless of the past, afterall some of us did realy bad and terible stuff and we do not do dat again now.
A.Y.O May 18th 6.02PM is a stupid idiot!!!! I hope you end up sampling HIV
ReplyDeleteCorrect pple here. 3 is the magic number. Till marriage, the number will never be above 3. *wink*. Men are such babies. Never be fooled by 'it's all in the past'. Yimu. He will feel insecure about it and will eventually use it against u. The euphoria of a new relationship might make u want to spill, but i beg dont get carried away oo. I have a friend that was so in love, told her bobo about all are kpansh mates agianst my advice, now the bobo calls her an ashi everytime he sees her talking to a guy. That is my own one kobo.
ReplyDeleteTHink about it. If a man approached you for marriage and gave you a list of 60 people he has slept with. You think of 60 golf holes and what each hole contains by way of germs. Then by chance you live in a small big city and you know a few people on the list per small town gist. Maybe 2 of them grew thin and died. Maybe 1 of them has been battling cervical cancer. Maybe another has been barren. Emmmm....will you feel confident opening ya legs? Not that this is all connected to ya dude but it gets the mind working overtime. Keep all those closet stories in the closet. Now if there is one person that you dated seriously for a long period of time such that you share the same circle of friends and hubby will run into them sometime soon, yes please do not surprise him.
ReplyDeleteI av a friend who used to tell me abt all his escapades,now d@ he has bcome my fiance, it takes but d grace of God not to use all d stuff he told me against him wen we fight.Besides too much info has a way of makin u doubt ur partner,it keeps ringin in ur head"am I sure he has really changed?"
ReplyDelete@BANJO ORE! i love you for this kind of statement you made guy.keep it up, because that is exactly what i'm experiencing in my relationship now. MAY GOD HELP US ALL.
ReplyDeleteif yhu guyz feel its ok wiv u guyz no harm tearing ur asses 2 each oda but if yhu dont feel comfortable wiv it well DONT!!!! but if ur hubby gets easily jealous or takes things too personal i'll advise u dont oooo if not u'l live to bear d consequences #word
ReplyDeleteso pls wat do u call a gal who hasnt had penetrative sex but has done all d odas???????do naija men prefer dis types???VIRGINS dat can head n suck anything?????abeg i want to know oh!
ReplyDelete@May 20, 2012 6:32
ReplyDeletelol why you dey vex now? abi your hymen has already been 'disrupted and overused b samplers lol
U need to say all at least come clean and have PEACE of mind, cos if he stumbles on another info leading to ur numerous bf’s u didn’t tell him about. Will u quickly cover up and still tell him that that one doesn’t exist since u have sworn it was only d ones u mentioned to it.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible says that when we repent and turn away from our wickedness and sins, God forgives us and old things are passed away. If he cannot trust u or love after knowing what u were and what u are now if are sincere don’t go into that marriage.
Women do know that some men do even have 1 or 2 issues out of wedlock and still accept to marry them it should be so too for women vice versa. Thank u
I will not discus how many men i have dated with my husband. there is absolutely no need for that. the past should remain in the past. the only question i will answer is if he ask me what broke up my past relationship but i will not tell him who he is or his name. all these will definitely become a problem later. he should let the past stay in the past. i've had a friend that told me that her husband claimed she mentioned the name of the only boyfriend she had before he married her during lovemaking. she insisted that she did not and dont even mention his name during sex even when they were together so why should she mention the name when she is having sex with her husband. this is bcos she told him everything about the ex including his name. problem like this could have been avoided by letting
ReplyDeletethe past be.