‘Hi, Uche or Etcetera or coma or whatever that singer called you the last time. Guest what?’‘Guest what? At this time of the day? Chudi, in case you didn’t notice, it is still 2am in naija and you are calling me to guest what?‘Hey Chudi, you guest what?’I’m hanging up this phone now and am going back to sleep. Mscheeew. Effing diasporans with no respect for time difference.’
‘Uche, you are dead when I get to that house if you dare hang up the phone on me.’
‘If you get to what house? Chudi what are you talking about? I thought you quit doing drugs?’
‘I don’t do drugs Uche, I only smoke
marijuana which is legal where I reside in America and I haven’t smoke
in hours since I boarded my flight to Nigeria. I’m right at the airport
in Lagos now. Can you please come get me from this place?’
‘Chudi, please I don’t have time for this madness. It is too early for your pranks.’
‘Chudi, I swear I’m in Nigeria for real, I’m at the airport. We just landed’
‘Seriously? Chudi, but you should have
informed me before coming na. Ok, I am on my way. Give me about 30
minutes, I’ll be there.’
So that’s how I picked up my fave cousin
at the airport and after the hugging and few minutes of catching up, he
asked if we could make a stop at the shrine on our way home. He said
he’s heard so much about it and would love to see what it really looks
like.
‘Chudi, what did you hear about the
shrine that you are so eager to see at this time of the morning? Or
you’ve been told they smoke igbo there and you think you can
blackmail me with the things you claim to have bought for me to take you
there right? For you info, as a personal rule, I only go to the shrine
when I am scheduled to perform. However, if you want us to make a stop
at St. Leo’s Catholic Church for the morning mass, that would be fine.’
‘Please spare me the sermon Uche. I only want to visit the shrine like every other tourist.’
‘You mean visit like every other igbo
smoker? Chudi, I will take you there at the appropriate time for your
so-called tourist visit. On a second thought, I could take you there on
my way to the radio station this evening and pick you up later when I am
done. Apparently, Femi is rehearsing this evening.’
‘Fantastic. Seems I’ll be enjoying a
combo of live afrobeat music and scooshi and some pure naija marijuana
tonight. What a way to hit the sky.’
Upon our arrival at the shrine that
evening, I was greeted by a chant from some people around who recognised
me. Three guys looking stoned as hell walked up to us shouting ‘Etc
baba, haa! Our own don better today. Baba Etc, how far naa? How many
wraps you want? We dey sell rizla too. Na your broda be dis? Una
resemble oo.’
My cousin was already taken with their
lingo. He was really fascinated by one among them, who looked like one
of the zombies in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video. He was gawking at
the black nylon bag which this individual was carrying. We didn’t need
to inspect the bag to know that it contained igbo. So they
didn’t get it twisted, I quickly told them that I didn’t smoke. They
just look at each other and laughed like hyenas. With one of them
saying, “Baba, talk another tin. With this your hair? Abeg you dey
smoke. You wey be musician?
“Baba, e no get any naija entertainer wey no dey smoke igbo. Even sef, na the girls smoke pass. I no dey talk about Tonto oo, everybody already know say dat one na mama nla igbolabi.
But how una take dey know female entertainers wey dey smoke and the ones wey no dey smoke?
‘Baba Etc, no let their pink lips
deceive you oo. Dem dey do pink lips for Ikeja under-bridge. We know sey
dem dey smoke because we dey supply most of dem igbo for their house
and others dey come choco for here direct.
Baba, I know say you no go beleive
because dey no dey do am for public but we wey dey supply the tin no say
she dey choco wella. We fit even give you names of female entertainers
wey smoke igbo pass Baba Fela.
‘Oh my God, these are our role models and you are saying they all smoke igbo?’
‘Hahaha, Baba Etc, we dey tell you say dem smoke pass Fela, you dey say dem be role models. Role models ko, rolling models ni.’
‘What about the male entertainers, una no talk their own?’
‘Bros Etc, why you wan waste our time?
Those ones dey smoke anything wey enter their mouth. Una dey talk say
naija music don spoil finish. So una no know say na igbo dey cause am? All their music dey sound the same way because all igbo smokers dey think the same way.’
‘Ok guys, make I waka before I late for my radio show. Chudi, see you later ok?’
Dis Nigga should go nd get a life naa
ReplyDeleteI love this dude. He is the truth but he too dey talk like woman. Lindaobserve
ReplyDeleteI love this dude. He is the truth but he too dey talk like woman. Lindaobserve
ReplyDeleteThis mad man again???
ReplyDeleteLMAO why you shouldn't see 50 shades of grey with your nigerian girlfriend (must read)
Didn't read it joor...who read it shld pls help us summarise
ReplyDeletetoo long abeg
ReplyDeleteaittyfinest xyz
aitty olosho! Mad man like say dat ur guy no de dope... M.I
DeleteLolzzzz
ReplyDeleteSeen
ReplyDeleteThis guy should go and sleep joor.
ReplyDeleteU bloggers keeep promoting this failed singer hun
ReplyDeleteWow! Indeed he is singer turned writer. He is really gifted in writing. I believe he can used and direct dis gift to better tins dat wil fetch him money. Thumbs up to him.
ReplyDeleteYour hustle for the 100k end of the year giveaway is real motherfucker.
DeleteAnd the moral of the story is????? "I left chudi there to get high too"
ReplyDeleteThis isnt interesting as others jor!!
Hehehehehe, Funny Guy!! Igbo is For Inspiration.. RAPS IN THE CHOKO..
ReplyDelete.
.
.
.NOTE: Raise Your Words, Not Your Voice. It Is Rain That Grows Flowers, Not Thunder..
They will come for him again, nice one.
ReplyDeleteOrder for your beautiful bedspread @ 79AEFD3B. Delivery available nationwide.
Etcetera again!!! kinda funny tho.... I like the "rolling model" part.
ReplyDeleteEtc should rest already
Delete"Guest what" ? TF is that ? is this from etcetera or Linda? Linda is prone to error all the time so i wouldnt put it beyond her!
ReplyDeleteEtcetera ...go and smoke igbo with ur cousin nau abi wetin concern me ..ur lips sef kuku black so no diff.
etcetera ooo. u will not kil somebody.. always saying things shaaa
ReplyDeleteGET PAID FROM THIS
Naughty Etcetera is at it again Choi!
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! This guy get time sha, he won't stop. Its nothing new to us that musicians smoke Iboo (Marijuana). Simply #Morale high#sofarigodanceshoki#
ReplyDeleteLol..this guy is very funny....i love his boldness..lmao
ReplyDeletewww.glowyshoe.blogspot.com
aah finally read it,one word,,,,senseless!!boring.im sure he was high on igbo whn he wrote thz piece
ReplyDeleteaittyfinest xyz
Etc be looking for tonto's trouble nw
ReplyDeleteWhy is the his write-up short today? I was really enjoying it, and was expecting to hear more juicy details.
ReplyDeleteLol. I hope he doesn't get beaten one day. Must tonto name be mentioned? Haba! Etcetera get mouth sha!
ReplyDeleteInteresting read , but this part 'all igbo smokers dey think the same way'. extremely false
ReplyDeleteLol....I wonder who he's referring to this time around.....
ReplyDelete::::::::::::::::::::::::QUEENMAYA::::::::::::::::::
Lol funny piece, this is for those always kissing MaryJabe and are left with black lips.
ReplyDelete~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
Igbolabi tonto?? Loooool. Dis etc na case,buh on a serious note,not all naija female artist dey high joor.#Asa n Gloria maduka
ReplyDeleteThis guy has interesting reads,I'll give him that.
ReplyDeleteGosh! I love this...rolling models...got me cracked up!### I long to write abt etc smday#loving him day by day
ReplyDeleteDude is becoming a Hero by the day. The scumbag is a type of dude that u love 2 hate n still hate 2 love.
ReplyDeleteNa wa for dis dude
ReplyDeleteSorry, ain't got time to read this bullshit.
ReplyDeleteMoral of story? bullcrap..bro u just made it up..who sabi u? how will they recognise a dead artist?.if u sound different just drop a single lets see if u will win grammy..schoolbag..pple smoke weed in shrine and so? attention seeker..
ReplyDeleteThe writer has a punctuation problem. Please go and read a good novel and after that you re-write that piece, This is an advice to be given and I volunteer to give it
ReplyDeleteTaah... Bullshit. Evri1's responsible 4 dia
ReplyDeleteand what is the message here ? Linda why you sef dey give this E.T.C publicity? any message here? so na because of igbo smoking artists naija music don spoil? how come Baba Fela music na forever???
ReplyDeleteBunch of rubbish... This guy is going insane gradually...
ReplyDeleteTaah... Bullshit. Evri1's responsible 4 dia actions neva blame on da kush!
ReplyDeleteLol...I'm still laughing...good one ETC
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDelete#Commenting thru Glo 4G LTE
Was that a story or a test to know how long he csan write
ReplyDeleteAhahahah
ReplyDeleteHaaa. Etc no well....waiting for the rebuttal frm anyone the shots fired hit...
ReplyDeleteEtc leave naija celebs alone o
ReplyDeleteI know he was talking about wizkid going to ikeja under bridge to do pink lips
No be your mouth them use smoke am now
Woteva rocks there boat
ReplyDeleteLmao @ everybody know say Tonto dey choco. So all our naija celebs na ganja men and women.
ReplyDeleteBusy Fingers.
Lol he has enter trouble from dis guys oh do not involve den on ur column iur brother dey there oh he can be attacked lol
ReplyDeleteEtc......
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha Chei!! i like this guy.
ReplyDeleteQuite boring please
ReplyDeleteWetin be 'guest what'?
ReplyDeleteJobless Man...Tonto kill you!!! Y her Name??
ReplyDeleteIt is not easy to sit down and write, I shall give you the credit. Good job
ReplyDeleteEtcetera, really? 'Guest' what? Really??? Guest??? As you yab people reach, so, you nor fit spell 'guess'??? Na wa o! Please, focus on fixing your vocabulary, biko. Remove the log in your eyes before talking about the speck other people have.
ReplyDeleteYawn. He wrote this because he had a deadline to meet and nothing to say.
ReplyDeleteI know all the igbo smokers will take offence now....That's how to recognise kids that have little brains to read and understand...most of you guys missed the storyline because of your hate for Etcetera....fools I got one message for you, he has a life and he's living it, what about you hypocrites???!!!
DeleteNo wonder all their music na shout shout plenty pass and repetitive lines.
ReplyDeleteMtcheeew just wasted ma time going tru dis crap, dis ETC z just a jobless fool! Now u r sounding so annoying! Linda u r giving dis guy so much attention! Pls allow him write n read his rubbish himself, pls don't share it with us again! Broke ass make d loudest noise!
ReplyDeleteFF on IG n Twitter @Osirmah
Its a shame you don't recognize good intellectual work when u see one... This piece my friend is d handy work of a sound intellectual mind, a guy who knows how to cut his onions... As for u, I'll advice u go back to school, that's if u even went to any.
Deleteif this piece of shit is wat u call knowng how to cut an onions then u equally dnt have a life cuz if u do u would be minding ur bizness
DeleteLol..he yaf com again
ReplyDeleteClap for etcetera! Nice one
ReplyDeleteSeen.
ReplyDeleteClap for etcetera! Nice one
ReplyDeleteLmao!!!!!!!!!! @ totoo dike day igbola wela! Lol
ReplyDeleteThe guy na mumu hin no sabi sing again na stupidity kill am
ReplyDeleteThis guy is frustrated and getting dry.
ReplyDeleteNever reading anything by this guy. It'll probably be a waste of time. Yes I'm being judgemental,, just like him :) mtcheeew ----C21
ReplyDeleteexactly my point
DeleteNa wa o....
ReplyDeletereview of why men marry bitches
Haha this guy funny o.Wow! Linda, You guess what? Lol. There is a very good revealing exclusive about the late Actor Muna Obiekwe on Angeleze.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteHaaaaa yawn no make brain uncle etcetera try something different next time thanks,.#THAT AKWA IBOM BOY#
ReplyDeleteHmmmm? So wetin come concern u for inside na? Na ur mouth dem take smoke am? Etc i no knw y u no fit my ur business for one second, mtcheeew, jack of all trade master of none, etc ni full stop ko, my ur business joor
ReplyDeletelol this guy is funy##wink
ReplyDeleteIt makes no sence to me
ReplyDeleteLol...dat one sure pass...M I na chairman for that side na
ReplyDeleteLOL, this is hilarious! Especially the part about all our artiste sounding alike, this makes real sense! LMAO
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeleteLolz.... Quite intresting!! Very funny @ role models ko, rolling models ni.
ReplyDeleteLolz.... Quite intresting!! Very funny @ role models ko, rolling models ni.
ReplyDeleteLolz.... Quite intresting!! Very funny @ role models ko, rolling models ni.
ReplyDeleteLolz.... Quite intresting!! Very funny @ role models ko, rolling models ni.
ReplyDeletelol..what good rolling models they are *wink*, but Etcetera can't deny the fact he has never done it once. so don't cast a stone on others when you are also guilty.. though i like the part he suggested going to the early morning mass *hahaahaha* hilarious
ReplyDeleteLolz.... Quite intresting!! Very funny @ role models ko, rolling models ni.
ReplyDeleteHaha.... Na dem sabi!
ReplyDeleteLolz.... Quite intresting!! Very funny @ role models ko, rolling models ni.
ReplyDeleteAre you related to retard Juliet Iwuno. The hustle for the 100k end of the year giveaway is real. The likes of you and other retards like Royal Priesthood.
DeleteOkiie o, I'm still 'Guesting what o'. LMAO. Well done Etcetera. Linda take note!
ReplyDeleteOkiie o, I'm still 'Guesting what o'. LMAO. Well done Etcetera. Linda take note!
ReplyDeleteOkiie o, I'm still 'Guesting what o'. LMAO. Well done Etcetera. Linda take note!
ReplyDeleteOkiie o, I'm still 'Guesting what o'. LMAO. Well done Etcetera. Linda take note!
ReplyDeleteThe female folks smoke more ,I believe that
ReplyDeleteBiko etcetera what is "guest what"??? Guest what???? Twice for that matter!! REALLY? In short, the grammatical blunders in this piece of writing just put me off completely! Chai
ReplyDeleteLol+including wizkid wey dey sing rubbish.my grandma was listening to 'in my bed' dis morning wen I was playing it and she was like get out of dis house wit ur rubbish.lolzzz
ReplyDeleteLolz, really interesting piece.. Am a fan of dis dude nw oooo, always looking forward to his next n den d next piece from him... He is so winning coz each time he speaks, he says nothing short of d truth.. Always on point
ReplyDeleteLol+including wizkid wey dey sing rubbish.my grandma was listening to 'in my bed' dis morning wen I was playing it and she was like get out of dis house wit ur rubbish.lolzzz
ReplyDeleteIssokae
ReplyDeleteNo be today and no be news...next plz!
ReplyDeletePlz beta news ...
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this write up. But etcetera ur lips black die na
ReplyDeleteAm not a smoker but I don't think igbo is the reason our music in Nigeria all sound the same. Americans do smoke but their music don't sound the same way. Our problem is we just celebrate nonsense.
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Lmaooo........ Very funny write...... Tonto o, i thought she has stopped smoking.....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
A lot of dem celebs smoke weed including the females..lemme not name names but dey know them selves.
ReplyDeletei laugh at this " Una dey talk say naija music don spoil finish. So una no know say na igbo dey cause am? All their music dey sound the same way because all igbo smokers dey think the same way."
ReplyDeleteetcetra u can as wel chanel ur writing skills into writng inspiring things im also a writer.instead of lashing out 'celebbrities'
ReplyDeleteAhahahahah....I laugh in Japanese...
ReplyDeleteHilarous. Babaa Etc you cracked me up. Still laughing...Of course they are SmokeStars now...Nothing new there. Second base oh jare...
ReplyDelete*yawns* Boooring !!!... Or mayb I'm not getting the yabs
ReplyDeleteBiko, how is this stuff interesting?
ReplyDeleteDis guy loves wahalA
ReplyDeleteHonestly, dis guy is smtin else. Jst watch ur back cos dey r after u
ReplyDeleteHonestly, dis guy is smtin else. Jst watch ur back cos dey r after u
ReplyDeleteHonestly, dis guy is smtin else. Jst watch ur back cos dey r after u
ReplyDeleteMtchew....poor write up n lacks creativity!!!
ReplyDeleteKikikikiki.....all of our musicians are igbo smokers both male and female
ReplyDeleteLol@ rolling model, but nawa o!...
ReplyDeleteLol....lil since of humor....entertainers all round d world deals with drugs so he should shut d crap ....like asking pastor what he is doing with anointing oil...I don't smoke but neither am i against smokers ...is a free world
ReplyDeleteLol....lil since of humor....entertainers all round d world deals with drugs so he should shut d crap ....like asking pastor what he is doing with anointing oil...I don't smoke but neither am i against smokers ...is a free world
ReplyDeleteExetera you mean to tell me people know who you are? Like you walk in the streets and people Recognize you? Bloody liar!
ReplyDeleteLmao @ Dem dey do pink lips for Ikeja under-bridge.
ReplyDeleteHaha...role models ko, rolling models ni...
ReplyDeletefunny and real
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, but on the second thought, what is the essence of this write up. I feel he didn't drive home the point. Waiting for celebs to come after etc.
ReplyDeleteLmao @ their description of Tonto as 'Mama nla igbolabi'...
ReplyDeleteEtcetera it is not "Guest what", it is "Guess what". We can mention very prominent people, role models who have all taken hard drugs one time or the other e.g Obama, George Bush... i can go on and on... You are in no way better than any of these people. Your shallow view towards life as a whole should automatically disqualify you as a writer not to mention your poor choice of words.
ReplyDeleteYou are a pity case bro. As shallow as a tea spoon.
you just want to spoil this girl's name saint Etc. na wa for you...this you wrote is just about tonto, maybe she denied you s*x
ReplyDeleteDon't have time for this nuisance
ReplyDeleteImagine! Guest wat instead of Guess wat.. hmm. this guy wan open all these entertainers nyash oh.. see as dem even finish Tonto. its well!
ReplyDeleteMagnifico this guy is good
ReplyDeleteLol!!!!!!! This guy is crazy mehn!
ReplyDeleteMsteeeew
ReplyDeleteObviously he's got nothing to writE this time, wait oooo honestly this write up is sooo unlike etc's partern of writing, bia lindodo r u sure he wrote this? Then he must joined the igbo smoking community..........#OYeGO!!!...... Linda Return My Ring!!
ReplyDeleteAnd who's gonna read all that??? Hey dude!!! Go take several seats. U aint gat nothing to sai.
ReplyDeleteWhat's new in igbo when we know all of them smokes.
ReplyDeleteWho this write up help?!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahhhahaaa etcetra etcetra na ur way o.
ReplyDeleteBrother etc...I don't know who u are but I have read a lot of things u write cos I read everything on this blog..it seems u r always looking for ways to pick on our naija entertainers..u were once a part of this group..why are u taking it upon yourself to bring the next man down..trust me u are making more enemies than friends wif all this write ups..some day u mite need help and pple will turn their backs on u...im not sayin u shouldn't write or speak the truth but somethings speak good about ur brother man..we are all here trying to feed...we are here for all of us...#stophatin
ReplyDeletewhy dis short nau? was realy enjoying d gossip. Etc baba!
ReplyDeleteI love this mumu guy, Igbo is just an herb, God created it like he create uncle Adam and aunty Eve
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeleteLmao....funny but I believe most entertainer are on something especially when they go on stage.....linda I have spoken
ReplyDeleteSeriously you guys should watch out for ETC his going to be the next big thing
ReplyDeleteNegative or positive, its all down to relevancy,
ReplyDeleteAnd y had to name tonto? Guy u dey find poko trouble o,go and take a chill pill niccur!
ReplyDeleteNah u say soooooo! http://tinyurl.com/pfgxd4d
ReplyDeleteI wish he can write a hit song too
ReplyDeleteBreast, hip, butt, penis enlargement without surgery, skin toning, erectile dysfunction, libido booster solutions add 52E85DB5