Dear LIB readers: How long is a 'long enough' courtship
From a LIB reader:
I met my fiancee/boyfriend in July this year and we would be getting married by end of october or december this same year (not decided yet) we have both met the parents and we are planning our wedding. And am certain in my heart that he is 'the one' and he also feels the same. But when people ask how long we have known, I know it'll be absurd to them when they hear the short duration. But does the courtship duration really determine how successful the marriage will be?
182 comments:
Anonymous
said...
No it doesn't matter at all.....follow your heart dear.
Courtship matters. A lot. A courtship of 3 or more years is the best as it gives you time to know your partner inside-out. The reason marriages fail these days is because people think they're sure he/she is the right person for them without fully knowing them until marriage is done.
Honestly, you've not done well by rushing into this. You may think you know him well but not enough to get married.
It doesnt reeally matter if his ur man nufin can stop u but is better to know his likes and dislikes maybe date for a year or so before marriage just lik terryg and his fiancee(how dos dis reduce the price of garri)omo-+iwo says so..via bb bold.5
Like the saying goes:its not how far but how well!And moreover its about what U̶̲̥̅̊ want n what you wanna do!Finally:Congrats and may the Good Lord Bless your Union!
It works.Well for me it did.Met my hubby in Dec.and in April we were married.Itz bin over 6 yrs now with kids in between and of course not without d squabbles,but point is,it worked and is still working.Pray about it though.
Well in some aspects its good †Φ know ur partner 4 a long duration dats what courtship is meant for †Φ know Ў☺ΰя partner better. U ought 2 make dat decision when uve known d guy beta. I bet u u dnt know most things about him yet. Take Ў☺ΰя time. Dnt get me wrong a short courtship before marriage doesn't make dat Marriage not †Φ last but a longer courtship period is adviceable. My Parents courted 4 ova 4years Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ now av not seen dem quarelling Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ dey know each odas in Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ out. Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ d Marriage is going from Strength †Φ Strength. Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ 1 more thing #pray.
The situation there is that this young man is ready for marriage and have been searching for a girl to marry hence everything went so fast.To me the short term relationship don't really matter what matters is the understanding during this short term. Honestly women are complicated,Do you want this man to date you for five years before proposing you ? Having said that you agreed, one of the secret success of marriage is endurance,understanding,less counting of laws,respect. When it comes to understanding, know that you are two individuals with different understanding(in this case disregard the impression that you are one.
Duration of courtship doesn't determine how successful the marriage will be. Afterall, some people court for 10 yrs and the marriage crashes. As long as the two of you know that you're both willing to stay together and work through any/everything that stands as an obstacle in your relationship, then you're good to go. Yeah, it does seem kinda weird that you guys started courting in July and already want to get married, but it doesn't mean it won't work. I personally think that a year at most (for me, a year is even pushing it) is more than enough time to get to know the person well. There's not too much that one can hide from the other for so long. So yeah, happy married life!
Four months is barely enuf sha. Six months could b considered as average. Better early than Late.
Back in School, I had a friend that was engaged for 8years n they r still engaged now. It is sick.
Most guys just strap the lady down wit a ring n live their normal lives while she struts about parading a ring to ward off prospective suitors. Pls Sistas, be smart enuf to know when enuf is enuf.
Michael says.. It all depends on the individuals. I have friends that had love at first sight and married 2 months later and have people that have been in courtship for years and all are still happily married. Marriage is for life so follow your heart until you're 100% sure. Don't mind the societies useless peer pressure which have resorted to many miserable and broken marriages.
The truth about marriage is that it really does not matter how long you've dated , although its advisable you court for a year. Some pple dated for 15years before they got married and it hit the rock for divorce put all your trust in the Lord,pray about it . Your prayer should be God make us friends forever.Allow God to be the architect of your marriage. Goodluck
Nawaoo women and their insatiable nature, when dey date for a short period of time dey complain everything was rushed,when d courtship lasts dey complain of being used. My dear successful marriage has no arithmetical formular,but ingredients and d most important being d sincere love u av for eachother.~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310.
Come on guys, people court for 6years, get enaged and end up not getting married. The duration of courtship doesn't matter as far as you are sure that what whatever happens in the marriage you will be there till death do you part. I hope you have prayerfully made this decision.
@ James: And if after the three years, you decide you cannot live with the woman for the rest of your life, you have just wasted three years of the woman's life? I don't think that 3 years is best, especially for a woman who's time passes so quickly; men have a loooong time to be choosing. Unfortunately, not the same for women. I think a year is long enough to get to know a person. When you see what you want, you will take it, not waste so much time until someone else who sees all those good qualities comes and takes what you spent three years contemplating on.
it does nt matter i and my hubby just met ending of last year too during october period and we are also planning our wedding dis october we now behave like 2people who hv knwn each other for almost 5yrs nw cos nothing is new to us anymore thou we hv nt had sex yet is an agreement we both had to wait til our wedding night i dnt knw i can hold myself till now cos i love sex but here i am nomatter how much i sited his hard erected dick severally times i still hold myself and here we are, and he love me so much for that, i tink either long or short relationship does nt matter wat matters is how fast u both are able to learn and catch up wt each other and may i remind u that most of d long relationship dnt end up in marriage it gives alot of headach and heartbreak so my dear u are on d right track if u ask me.
You have d rest of ur lyf 2 stay married so y rush inot it. Even if u r sure he is d 1 in dt short period, still court him for a few more months or at least a year. get 2 know his imperfections/weakness n ask ursef can I stand his imoerfection for d rest of my life? before rushing 2 d altar to say I do! A failed long courtship is beta dan a failed marriage oh!
@ James I agree it gives you time to know your partner. But u can neva know everything about your partner.some pple can't court for 3years they feel it's too long so I guess 1 or 2 years is okay. But you can never know everything about your partner.
You have d rest of ur lyf 2 stay married so y rush inot it. Even if u r sure he is d 1 in dt short period, still court him for a few more months or at least a year. get 2 know his imperfections/weakness n ask ursef can I stand his imoerfection for d rest of my life? before rushing 2 d altar to say I do! A failed long courtship is beta dan a failed marriage oh!
long courtship does not justfy lasting marriage, the bible it self does not encourage it, bcos its lead to funication, If you make ur decision based on GODS' word u are ok. wish you best of luck in your marriage.
Well , four months is a lil time to date n be wedded. 6 months on the ave is cool. But it is still not enuf to know each other. Pple carry on like they r just it within this timeline.
But beTter early than late. Am strongly against long courtships sha. Some guys just put d engagement on it n start flexing their lives while the girl struts about parading the ring to scare off eligible bachelors that want her. Duration here is a function of the individuals involved n the levels of compatibility.
Asi asi, 4get the long courtship thing ooo. U can never wholly know you partner ooo Some new things must still come out after the marriage... But I would have loved if the couple were "just friends" and not under cloudy "love", as it would allow you see the faults of the partner and come to terms with it
U can never truly know someone. Whether you court for 5years or 5weeks. It is advisable to court for a little while so as to be comfortable and tolerant with the person. I reckon you stick to what you have and make the best out nof it.
Why pay for the cow when u can milk it? Ma boy Peter okoye,chilling with a fine babe,no engagements nathing just spending cold cash and popping out babies! Yoo,that's ma boy! Engagement and all dat is for bitchniggers!
Life is a dynamic. What's good 4 some will b disastrous 4 others. My advice's to spend d little time b4 d wedding 2 know as much as you can abt him. You can b happy with him. Just make sure ur expectations are nt too high cos t are marrying him virtually blind. Goodluck.
6 months or six years you'll find things you love and don't love about them. But once your marriad under a year things may come up that you wont tolerate but may have to compromise. Basically as long as you decide that you will work out whatever situations that are bad then your fine. But honestly its time that allows you to forgive and forget and as you haven't finished your honeymoon period in the relationship yet i would say there is no harm to wait till next year summer or winter, if u love him now you'll love him then but at least you will have built the relationship to something that is concrete and not easy to fall if things will go wrong along the lines as relationships always do but its the foundations you spend time building that will save it.
At all it doesn't. You can date someone for 20yrs before marriage and still won't work while some people will date for 6months before marriage and it will flourish well. Sometimes I feel when u date someone for too long you end up not being able to marry that person because you must have exhausted all the surprises. When you marry someone and in the marriage you are always looking out for something I mean curiousity and inquisitiveness makes you get stick and so the marriage keeps going. But if you already know that person 100% before marriage you tend not to be excited much as regard what to expect that way u get bored bcos u can predict him/her anytime so no surprises. Marriage is something we learn through ,it's never going to be perfect ,if it was going to be perfect then there wont use the word WORST it would have been for BETTER for BETTER and not for bETTER for WORST. If you like date someone for 10yrs or 10months it still won't guarantee successful or long lasting marriage. We learn about each other while married,don't ever have the thought of whether it will work or not,don't think of what to do whether to divorce when there is a slight argument,bcos most people start thinking and having all that in mind even before marriage and I bet it will come to pass if u ever think of any of those. Some people will say in their minds "well make I marry jor if e no work I go divorce na abi na by force after all no be me be first to leave marriage" yes some people start thinking like that even before engagement,I bet if u do that will manifest fast bcos you will see urself not been able to tolerate the ups and downs that comes with marriage. Marriage is not always sweet,sometimes the bitter side will surface,don't always think u have married a perfect man to avoid being disappointed at any slightest move by your spouse,see him/her as someone you are getting to know more about, that In mind you can tolerate bcos u will say after all he/she is not perfect. Pray to God to keep you and him alive and the strength to be able to carry on.
the important thing is how you feel.if it feels right in heart like you said. then go ahead..lots of babes go on to marry a guy they'v been dating for 5years even when they didnt have peace about it. Trust your instincts always...congrats dear
It depends dear long or short cortship does not work for everyone. All u need to do is to understand eachoda in the short time dt u both ve before your marriage. i met my husband april 2011 and we got married nov 2011 and so far God has bin very faithful to us. so all unid do is to go to God in prayer and make him d chief counsellor in ur relationship.
HONEY IT DOES NOT MATTER BUT!...FOR THE SAKE OF AVOIDING PROBLEMS YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE A LONG TALK TOGETHER ABOUT EACH OTHER...
IN CASES WHEN YOUR MARRIED AND STILL LEARNING THINGS THAT YOU COULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT EACH OTHER DURING COURTSHIP CAN BE A GOOD AND ALSO A BAD THING AND IF YOU GUYS CAN HANDLE THAT..THEN IT'S FINE....
BUT AT THE SAME TIME...KNOW IF HE IS THE ONE , THEN HE IS GOING NO WHERE SO THERE IS NO REASON TO RUSH THERE IS NO HARM IN MORE TIME BUT INFACT MORE CERTAINTY
I saw ur comment and I smiled,if I was ur bro I will tell u the truth that ur man is fcuking outside to satisfy himself. I know u know as long as u guys are nt doing it right. Good luck see as men take dey deceive some women.
Who are these people talking 3 years or more for courtship??? E no follow o! Long or short, na God kno as e go take be. Just pray about it and u'll be fine.
I believe if u partner wants to show u his true self he wld cos u wld neva kno al bou him,its wat he wants to know!dats wat e wld portray! So either 4months or a year...jes be prayerful!
months, years........it doesnt matter but i dont really support a long courtship...since you know he is the one for you.....y wait..see if u wait for years before marriage,you cant still know him 100% cos some traits will definately unravel itself in the early years of your marriage.... follow ur heart...all the best!
My husband proposed to me 3weeks after we started dating and now we are married. Long courtship does not guarantee anything. As long as you pray to God and you know for certain that he's God's choice for you, you have no problem. There would be ups and downs especially when you are in the process of knowing each other. However, do not let it disturb you. I urge you to tell it all. If you have a past, please share it with him. In the process of planning your wedding, tell it all. Give a very detailed information about your life, your past, your exes etc. This is very important in every relationship. I also urge all our young ladies, please make sure you don't have a past that will hurt you.. Always put God first in all that you do.
i don't think that the length of courtship matter. A man always know what he wants and if its you he wants then he won't beat about the bush. i have friends who have done the long courtship and ended up not marrying and also married and i have friends who did the short courtship and are married and happy. there is a case which we handled in our firm of a couple who dated for 10yrs and ended up separating after just 2months of marriage and are now getting divorced. As its saying goes its not how far you go but how long! the thing with marriage is that there would be ups and downs no matter how long you knew, its just how you work out your difference that matters and always put God first too, cos with him life is easier.
Wish u all the best...I dated a guy for 9 years and nothing came out of it,am presently dating another guy now,thou have knwn him for about 2 yrs,but we just started dating in May this year,and we planning 2 get married next year.My Dear,God will bless ur union and u will have no cause for regret..
Abeeeeeegii lenght of time of courtship does not matter o! pray to God to help you see and know him in and out, my dear both men and women can pretend kai, there are so many goat in sheep clothing out there is only God that could help us. I met my husband 1st time after school cert. I didnt start to date him till my final year in school (5yrs later) got married after 4 years (all the years I was trying ot get to know him), am just getting to know who he is gangan and how to handle him.
so my dear prayer works and bear this is mind that if God let us know everything about our spouses so many will still be looking for perfect spouse.
Love, patience, understanding, endurance, trust is all the enough you need. Who said it will be easy afterall. Once you both agree to be a TEAM., with all attributes of the word and a doing one at that it all will sum up for good. Dont be restricted by length of time. The guy who bite off wife's nose where childhood friends. The arowolo who killed wife courted for many years. If you both are willing to 'work' the committment, then its fine. Those are the tips that has worked for me and is still working. Dont forget, keep family, friends, 'well wishers' and 'advisers' off interfering in your marriage. Trust me, they are the ones that overblots issues in marriage. Good luck and keep God in the centre always.
for me how long u courted does not matter but d way u both understand each other, bcos d truth is u can never know everything abut him/her, so just pray to God to lead u in dis journey...all d best. linda plsssssss post my comment ooo
its not about how long, but about your decision to live the rest of your life with "the one". if yoy both are determined to make it work, #shikena. However, longer courtship is advised to help differentiate infatuation from love. And also to get you prepared for what lies ahead.
Why the rush? Be careful! Something is fishing.just tell him to give you few more months to be double sure then u will see the revelation.careful is the watch word!
♏̣̇Ỵ̣̥̇ dear long or short term reletionship marriage ЪŦ wil fail wil fail nd d one ЪŦ wil work wil work. Its J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊t̶̲̥̅̊ d grace of God nd U̶̲̥̅̊ hv T̶̲̥̅Ơ̴͡ overlook alot whn U̶̲̥̅̊ re married. Patience communication tolerance etc
From all I've learnt from readin all pastor bimbos books...courtship shud be for at least 1year...to me,the guy is rushing to get married..and most people that find themselves in that situation end up being trophy wives..while he carries on his faaji around.... At the end of the day...pray and seek Gods face in the matter :)
It doesnt matter how long you dated, what matters is, is he or she your friend? can u trust him / her, can you stay together the whole day and find something to always talk about. Can u talk on the phone and flow for an hour. If he / she is your friend, you can be happily married after one month dating. Time doesnt matter. What matters is CONNECTION, CHEMISTRY AND COMMUNICATION.
my dear u are even lucky he proposed d last boyfriend i had i dated him for 3good yrs but he neve proposed i waited and waited and waited and he knew i was waiting for him cos he knew i love him yet nothing happened, wat he kept saying to me was that one day i wil be d mother of his children and i keep waiting for that day to cm and yet noting happened,d least he can do was anytime he's ontop of me leaking and banging me he wil be begging me to marry him right ontop of me and i wil keep saying yes til i got tired,as soon as we finish making love to me end of discussion thou i tink d love i had for him then was nt genue cos now i found genue love,i love him then cos he knws how to make love very much and he gives me money all d time even if i dnt ask,cos he knws i lv money, d only day he tried to propose without being ontop of me he proposed without an engagement ring that was when i knw dis guy was just taking me for a fool and a child cos i started dating him when i was 24 but i look hotter than my age, so frm that day i walk out of his life he keep coming bck but i told him either u put a ring on dis finger or no pussy for u,he then said i should gv him 6months for is client to pay him d 20million naira his expecting then we wil get married then i knw he's upto another game of keeping me for himself for another one year and i refused and take a walk so my dear my point is that long relationship dnt matter it can only gv u headach,pains and heartbreak,u are lucky, thou i hv found d right guy now too so no more long relationship is either marriage or no deal period.
Here is my take! I dated a guy for almost 8yrs I got engaged to him but guess what we no more together.if it was a matter of years that was going to be a judgemental factor am sure I would b married to him, but girlfriend its not.if you love some one and he is the one you would know so no one can tell you what to do. Go with ur heart and love freely.life is to short to wory about what people say.At the end of the day you would be leaving together wit him and not them.so focus on him and ensure u make him happy as much as he does to you. Don't go to bed agry at each orda, talk about everytin don't keep anytin secret from him.that was ma mistake don't do same. Hope I get an invite love...
I dated someone for 8years and i will tell you now, forget long courtship. Just ensure that you are prepared for marriage in your heart cos marriage is not totally 'and they lived happily ever after'. The foundation should be true fellowship with God, Remember how you still have differences with your siblings? you forgive them and move on. So is marriage o.
Courtship doesn,t matter at all .two people can meet and get marreied in 24hours.wat about those dat courted for1, 2,3,4 or more years without getting married,How long to u want to study a person before marriage?. some People can Prtend till dey get wat they want. i peronally do not believe in courtship,just make sure you are attracted to each other,Marriage or choose a life patner is the Grace of God,u can never get a Mr Right or Mrs Right, it is left for the both Parties to Make sure they work out their marriage by all means,its not about spending money for a large wedding. Long Courtship is not the reason for most failing marriages today,i believe the reason why marriages fail is becous some couples are not ready to go extra miles or are not ready for marriage before going into it. Marriage is not a toy game.its for the matured minds.KNOWING THE WILL OF GOD IN MARRIAGE also is very important.Its not how far but how well.
N.B our parents dint get to date for all those years we all want to now and it worked out. The bottom line is two pple ready to work things out no matter how long they have known eachother
Frm my own view, I feel is nt aw far bt aw well, u can court for "years" and yet u might nt stil knw him.cos @ tyms durn courtship, men can b the best u want them to b and wen u get married,dt is wen dey ll bring out deir true self. So my dear, follow ur h@,b prayerful and I wish u well.
All the people saying 3years or more is enough to know someone better...indeed! That's for the text books. Even your parents or siblings u have known for ages exhibit chacters that leave you surprised sometime (if you are honest with yourself). So whether its 3month or 3years, the most important thing I can say about it is that comartibility and the amount of effort both parties are willing to put into the relationship is key to success not the length of time they were together before the marriage.
No it doesn't, its not how long u've known but how well u understand each oda. If ur heart says yea, do it. If he makes u happy, dnt let him go, if he loves, cares & respects u, dats de inn-tin. Its all dat matas my dear, i wish u guys luck.
months, years........it doesnt matter but i dont really support a long courtship...since you know he is the one for you.....y wait..see if u wait for years before marriage,you cant still know him 100% cos some traits will definately unravel itself in the early years of your marriage.... follow ur heart...all the best!
Well said. Tym doesn't matter as such but there's dis thing in marriage I lyk 2 call shock factor. Its best wen u dnt hav 2 discova 2 many unpleasant things in marriage but wen u already kno in courtship, u deal wit it, infact in courtship, genuine adjustment has a greater possibility than in marriage. Cos courtship givs u d opportunity 2 state out clearly d terms of wat can b acceptable or unacceptable in marriage. So if u still go ahead wit d october wedding plans, cool but u just pray 4 grace n Gods hand in ur home. Sumtyms d tym spent in courtship doesn't really decide d outcome of ur marriage
It is written love is kind,patient..1stly, does he love God.2ndly, is he patient bcos u'd need lots of it in marriage.Esp wit a short courtship surprises(behavioural discoveries) would spring up in d early years of marriage.If diz 2 are in check fire on girl.Happily marriedman says so.
My dear if you think it does not matter then why post it here for people's opinion. If u feel you are doing the right thing then go on dear, wish u all the best but u really have to be prepared and prayerful too, because marraige is not a bed of roses all the time...............
As our faces and DNA are different , so is our everyday scenes and fate ... Something might workout for some people and down for others ...I Believe you know what your engaging into... Prayer Is Always The Key... Success!!
3 months is too short for courtship cs usually ur still in ur honeymoon stage...u may nt av even had any major fite..its take about 8-12months for u to even begin to start experiencing wt a relationship is...so I def fnk its too short..my ex proposed to me 2months after we met n even tho I loved him I realised it ws too early to make such a commitment...n after a year d relationship ended so jst imagine if I'd said yes at dt point
July, August,September....Wow...I guess we all are used to the orthodox long courting in Africa...and really its okay if U av the Convincing Spark inside u,that he's d one...people date for 3years and end up saying oh, we parted ways, irreconcillable differences bla bla...God will Guide u and give u the wisdom u need to make it work, and u don't owe any1 explanations, when they ask, u cn avoid it.
well research shows that during courtship,u only get to know 20% of ur partner's charisma cos it is a period of impression both parties wouldn't want to step on each other's toes inotherwards certain charisma are being hidden and this makes it difficult to accept the fac that you know ur spouse so well no matter the duration.if u like court for 10 years it will still be the same 20%.the real you only comes out immediately after solemnization
all the same courtship shouldnt be less than 6months and it shouldnt be more than 1year,from church perspective so as to avoid sin.
YES it matters. My parents courted for only six months and their marriage was a disaster. They don't know themselves in every aspect of life till today. I spent 21years with them trying to join them together, but to no avail. They are just two strangers under one roof showing each other pepper. i hav shifted out and will keep praying for God's intervention or better still they divorce cos the condition'f dat house, i dnt undstnd their 'i must remain married'. The thing's really affecting my life ooo. I'm so scared'f marriage. Hav dated m'man for 9yrs now and i'm 30. Whenevr he brings marriage talk i shift it oooo. Yea i knw its abnormal, but i dont care. If i dont finish knowing him, lie lie... I no want part 2 of my house to replay in my own home
my dear 3 months is very ok. its nt hw long u know the person but hw well. look at Khloe and Lamar. after 10 days of dating she knew he was d one for her. they have bin happily married. but look at Kim who got married after 9months of dating yet got divorced after 72 days. follow ur heart dearie...but dnt spend too much on d wedding. wat is most important is d marriage...cheers.
long or shhort courtship, all is in God's hand o. some can be busy courting and another sharp babe will just swoop in n carry bele! pls follow ur heart my dear. all de best.
my dear courtship really matters alot o. Believe me u dot knw ur guy too well to accept is proposals nw, u need to knw is likes n is dislike, n beside dat i knw he will claim to be a good guy nw,bc he really needs somtin from u nw. So make u shine ur eye before u enter ooooo.bc dis 1 wer u wan enter na skul of no graguation except dead do u part.
my dear courtship really matters alot o. Believe me u dot knw ur guy too well to accept is proposals nw, u need to knw is likes n is dislike, n beside dat i knw he will claim to be a good guy nw,bc he really needs somtin from u nw. So make u shine ur eye before u enter ooooo.bc dis 1 wer u wan enter na skul of no graguation except dead do u part.
if im not mistaken ur fiance's name is OLUSHOLA?? d no of years of courtship really dnt matter ok,it cn take a month,it can take five years,wat matters is maturity communication and what u feel for eachoda. goodluck,if its shola,hes a good guy
All yall bitches need to stfu....why rush into marriage? Have been dating my boyfriend close to 7 years now and guess Wat? We are really happy, I know him in and out now, I know what he likes and what he doesn't like. Even if we get married now it' wouldn't make any difference.....my point is long duration is always the best POint Blank Period
My Dear follow your heart, what is the use of crazy long courtship that leads to unending woes??? We have a similar case, I was in a relationship of more than a decade and believe me it was fruitless. I decided to move on and take the bull by the on. I met the love of my life and within six months we were already settled.... (A broken engagement/relationship is far better than a broken marriage o, girl a word is enough for the wise)It's not how far my dear but how well.. I am telling you the best decision you can take now is to follow your heart, be faithful to ur man, pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and close your ears to what people will say. Never forget that your happiness is paramount in this matter. I wish you best of luck.
I tink u shld just pray to God for directions...we av heard stories of pple who courted for years and wen dey get married d partner starts showing funny characters,some pple are very gud at pretending,it doesn't matter ow long.personally I tink trust,respect,understanding,selflessness and compromise re d major tins dat make any relationship work and above all put God first in everytin u do.I wish u d very best in ur marriage.
it does not matter how long u r in a relationship being that no mata how long you date a person you can never know the person totally. to me what matters is how long the spark can still be in ur hearts. if afta 1 year the spark is not there then it calls for someone to start thinking. i will say, stay on and c how far the spark will be there. u can feel its right now but give it some time.
So for ur mind ur hubby is on d 'no sex' plan with u. Hez satisfied outsyd. N fyi,he myt meet sum1 he'll continue wit afta u guys ve wedded. Fool! Ife nkea afugbukwanu m.
what works for Mr. A, may not work for Mr. B and vice versa. you can court for 2weeks and have a very successful marriage while some one who courts for 10 years may not be successful and vice versa. so pray to your God and if he hears you, you will be happier than people who courted for 15years and are fighting every day.
Wat makes u feel u knw ur bf in and out?u tink u knw him u wld be suprised wid some tins he wld do wen u finally get married to him.u beta pray he marries u sef
As much as we say when we met the person we knew they were the one, I feel it is important to spend at least 6months b4 getting married to someone. Walking just by feeling can be dangerous, people still have attitudes and natures you have to live with. I think time always shows u whether that feeling u felt when u first met is really true.the relationship needs time of trial and testing to make sure it can stand the test of time. Any bridge that is built or foundation laid is taken thru various processes to make sure that it can house people safely or carry any load safely.
Linda, could you share where this person is based? If it is Texas, sounds similar to my story. My boyfriend dumped me after months of dating and met his new girlfriend in July 2012....now he is getting married to her, October or December. He dumped me through text message saying "my new girlfriend is a virgin." But my question to them is: how do you ensure you own happiness when you have caused someone else sorrow. My the good Lord revenge on my behalf.
My dear, u better get married if ure sure and you have all the confirmation you need cuz mehn.... even if u court for 10yrs, you can finish knowing him and the confirmation would not be stronger... if anything, you might encounter problems that could break u apart, but if faced as a (married) couple... it'll just make u guys stronger or you find ways to work around it. So my dear, where's it happening cuz i wan come chop rice o...lol
@OY,I dnt exactly agree.dere are actually some disciplined men around.I waited till I got married to my wife b4 sex.At the end of d day,it takes patience,endurance nd God's help to sustain a marrige,not necessarily d length of courtship.I courted my wife for 2yrs nd God has bin helping us.cheers!
Truth is, duration of courtship doesnt matter, although it is adviseable to date for at least a year before marriage, why don't you move the wedding a few more months if you are still unsure? You can use the extra time to pray about it, wish you all the best tho...
Courtship is very important and crucial to a successful marriage if practised in the manner our forefathers did or in strict adherence to biblical injunctions. However, there is yet no known theory that draws any parallel between success or otherwise of a marriage and the length of time spent in courtship. One thing I have come to learn is that whenever a man that is willing and ready to settle down meets with a woman who is prepared for same, marriage do happen faster than anyone could ever imagine. Whether that marriage will work or not depends on a number of variables which are strictly outside the confine of what courtship could foretell. For example, I met my wife in January, proposed 3 months after and wedded by the 8th month! And you know what; 12 years down the line and wonderfuls kids in between, we are still going strong! Not like there haven't been issues. Yes, we have had issues, really serious issues. But our conviction to make it work inspite of everything have kept us going! So my advise to you is that you both need to assess your preparedness for this journey. Is this what you want now at this point in your life? Does your partner feel the same way? How strong is your faith and conviction? Are you strong in prayer (cos, you are going to need God all the way)? Are your emotions strong enough to withstand situations? I am asking these questions because I want you to understand that true courtship in itself is not a finite thing (as most of us do wrongly think). Today's courtship is carried on in a spirit of flirtation. In the present age, courtship has become more like a scheme of deception and hypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls has far more to do than the Lord! In its TRUE form, Courtship is an endless journey that traverse the whole length of a marriage. You will receive revelations upon revelations about your partner; you will stumble on traits that you had never come across before; and you will come face to face with actions and reactions that may seem alien to your imaginations! Are you prepared to deal with all of these? But as believers, we are enjoined to be as wise as serpent and also trust in the Lord with all our hearts for all things work together unto them that love God! In conclusion, if you are comfortable with the feedback you receive from this instrospection, I advise you follow your heart and go for your dream. I do wish you guys a blissful union!
its very sure that even,if you stay with him for 10years you cant knw him all........but, just sit yourself down when you knw you can listern to your soul / heart,and ask yourself''am i doing the right thing with the right person?''.then above all, ask God too bcos with him all things possible. Mark10:27.
Ask khloe and lamar, yes theirs is working but can u see how much effort khloe is making. She can give up anything for her man and she respects him so well. That's the spirit dear. Its not how long u are in courtship that matters. Women are the ones that make or break the home with the way we handle issues and again depending on the kind of family we come from. If a woman gives her man the highest standard of respect no matter who the breed winner is, believe me the man cannot help but love and adore her no matter how hard that man is. If you are ready to respect your man and accept his people with open heart and God being the foundation of your marriage, Your marriage will surely work.in marriage, women should learn to be ready to give up anything to make their marriage work. Men are babies, the key to their heart is not even love but respect and u will see him sweep you off your feet. Am a witness! I can never enjoy what I enjoy today had I not controlled arguing with my husband and giving him his due respect.men, hate nagging women no matter how beautiful the woman is.
Whether you date for 6 months or 100 years, there are some things about your fiance that will not come to light while you're dating. You will only see it when you're married. Many people say you should date for at least 3 years.. 3 years is not enough time to fully get to know someone.. It takes a lifetime!! So if you think that he is "the one" and vice versa, and both of you are ready, I think you should go for it. Congrats!!
its very clear dat, even if you stay with him for 10years, you cant knw him all but..you jus need to sit your self down when you knw your soul / heart listern & ask yourself ''am i doing the right thing with the right person''? then above all, ask God for right direction bcos with him....all things are possible.Mark10:27.
its very clear dat, even if you stay with him for 10years, you cant knw him all but..you jus need to sit your self down when you knw your soul / heart listern & ask yourself ''am i doing the right thing with the right person''? then above all, ask God for right direction bcos with him....all things are possible.Mark10:27
It doesn't matter, as long as they are God ordained. I met my husband 23rd of Dec 2010, by Mid April of 2011 we'd had our Intros and Trad wedding. With the Church Ceremony September of that year. Now, when I went to join him as his new wife in another region of the UK, I got a big job somewhere wlse and he encouraged me to apply. We were apart for almost another year (long distance marriage), but now God has blessed him with a position in the town where he gave me permision to move to, and now / anyday now we are expecting our first baby. See if it is the will of God, God will work everything out. My husband is more than 10,000 husband. Truly, I could not have been given a better man. And it wasn't as if we courted for long. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy first year, but by God we are where we should be. I'm really enjoying my marraige.
The question you should ask yourselves is: Do we know each other well enough to live together as man and wife?? If yes, pray about it and continue. If no, keep thinking about it, keep praying and extend your courtship period...
Truth is, the time of courtship doesn't matter it all depends on what works for everyone of us..
My relationship with my ex will be 3yrs 10th of September, today makes it one month & 2days we broke up!! The reason being his some pple in his family were controlling and it got to him. We dated, courted without them being around us so I guess that's why I didn't notice.
It still hurts and stings but I will be over it cos I am still very young, beautifull and intelligent! I am glad in a way despite being hurt cause as a woman in Nigeria, I can imagine marrying a man whose family is so controlling...
I am glad I am not marrying a coward; he made promises, spoke words, put a beautiful ring on my finger but never kept his word..
Long courtship, short courtship, it matters little, to be honest. The purpose of courtship is to know your partner to a certain accepted level before going down the for better or worse road. Knowing someone well enough to marry does not have a defined number of years or months. If you feel you know him well enough to marry him, sure, go ahead.
What you need to know is the number of courtship years does not determine the success of a marriage. Hell, even if you date a guy or girl for 7 years and you know them inside-out, and you love them so much, and they love you too, you lot can get married and then 3 months later everything falls apart.
It's not an exact science.
Just follow your heart and ask for God's guidance.
i think i know who is writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!,but i think you guys should go slow,cause i know you my friend,a little thing can make you change your mind.
I don't know if it is possible to completely get to 'know' someone. I feel things unravel every day while you are married and pple change. The important thing I think is to pray and ask God to see one through the journey of marriage. It is not an easy one I dare say.
i was in a relationship for 6 years and we did not end up in marriage.Even though we were engaged but we did not end up getting married.We lost the flames and we broke up. I met my fianace few months ago and trust me he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.He's caring and loving and his family cant wait for us to get married. We are having our introduction before the end of this year and our families are now friends. So to me long courtship is nothing.I have been there and i know the diffrence.To me alli care about is my happiness and i dont care what people say....
The lenght of time does not really matter to me sha... I have a friend that dated a guy for 8yrs. Got married to the guy. They got divorced after 2yrs. My bro proposed to his chick after 3mths of dating. They are still married after ten yrs. There is really no rules to me sha...
was going to marry one guy until 2 months down d line i discovered he lied about going to a university and that he cant even read or write. I didnt know all these wen i met him cos he was all swag and dope...long courtship helps u discover things u can and cannot tolerate.....i say 1 year minimum is goood. please take ur time, marriage is not worth the rush i bet u. ask people married.
Is true my brother oh! Thats how i was forming virgin with my husband(which he agreed to and said he would wait) not knowing he was busy straffing one chic and i was busy waiting for wedding night. Hes lucky i didnt find out before the wedding,i would have left him in a blink. Still feel betrayed after 6yrs but wetin one go do. Men cant be trusted. Just be chaste for righteousness sake.
My parents didn't court and they lived happyly 2geda for 25yrs b4 death parted them. I courted someone for 7yrs and we never got married. I courted my husband for 2months and I am having the best marriage ever. We will be 4yrs in january
my grand father did not know my grand mother b4 b4 his father brought her home and say dis is ur wife. Sixty years still counting, no problem. Marriage is all about commitment on both sides and not the duration of courtship.
My dear follow ur heart. The most important thing is for u to be tolorant and understanding but more importantly have a forgiving heart. you must understand that he is human and thus, u guys will step on eachother's toes so learn to forgive him no matter what. Ignore alot of them say, ur husband is this and that, I saw your husband here and there.but pls watch out if he his abusive i.e if he beats women. from ur conservation/observation u will be able to tell if he is abusive.
Pls iron out ur issues/concerns b4 d "D" date so that u wont be too dissapointed in future.
That's ur mom n dad! My dear, it doesn't mata provided both parties r true to each other n follow ur mind. My bro n wife got married 3months after they met n its 7yrs n still counting. Khloe n lamr was just 3weeks tho some feel they r faking thiers. Just tryg to say it doesn't rily mata. Also pray abt it!
Its not how far buh how well. Provided u both true to eachother. Mandy (the comedian) dated the ex hubby for 5yrs n marriage lasted for 3months. I know a friend that met the hubby n they got married under 6months. 5yrs now wit kids. Just follow ur hrt n pray abt it. God won't disappoint u.
looks like the same story with mine. I met ayoung man in 2009 bue we werent close friends but sometimes injune 2010, he called me to hook up at an eatery and 2weeks later he was talkin about marriage. He is so nice,works in a bank, loves my personality( am troublesome, demanding though fun to be with bt i get wahala), he loves my family member n allows me to put on whatever makeup or cloth i want to put on but later on when his pressure for an intro bcame much, i broke the engagement. y? i said he is not good enof for me, he cant speak good english, and the love i had for him died. He begged me bt i still said NO but this is 2012 n am still regretting my actions. He is happily married to a beautiful woman (taller than me- am 5ft 2 n am complainin that a tall hansome man cant speak well)and with a cute baby.
L left him then cos i was still in love with my ex who came back, proposed but the relationship was a livin hell anytimes we hve issues.(my past wasnt too good and me and my ex came from d same town). he wanted to know my past and the little i told him (i still regret tellin him), Called me names- slut, asshole,ashawo, liar, deceptive demon, gave me lots of conditions and all(this made me shut my mouth up about my past but he still wants me to tell him the rest bt i cant). I know he loves me so much bt he is an african man who blives in lookin simple(i love bein flashy and in control of myself), a dictator, the woman has no right to call him names even if he calls her d worst names on earth. He still wants me to marry him but i know the marriage would be a disaster.The family do not really love me bt acceptd me cos of their brother.But am still crazily in love with him.
After an off and on relationship for 9yrs, i made up my mind this yr to move on and some weeks after, i met another man who told me his intentions the second time we went on a date in June and he wants marriage before dec.
Am not crazily in love with him, he isnt my dream guy, cant speak english fluenty but he is okay as in average(learnt my lesson hehehehe). But i am myself with him, i have a say in the house, most of his family members, friends, church members loved and accepted me though he doesnt know about my past (which was an issue i told him i dont want to talk about even his past). We met in June n gettin married before the end of this yr.A lesson i have learnt is nobody is perfect and if you leve a man cos of some reason, u may end up meeting someone worse than ur ex. I still havent met a guy like the one i broke his hrt in 2010. I had lot of issues with this new guy last month and his called me and talked senses into my head. A woman builds and destroys her home. I was always screamin at the new guy errors, comparing him to my ex, holding on to silly escuses (like he didnt call me more than once today, he read my bbm msg and didnt reply, he complained about my soup)and i make it a big issue. You cant know a man evn for 100yrs, all we need to do as an individual is forgive easily, correct with love,tolerate each other, over look little issues and make urself happy and ladies(have a good source of income and dont give birth to million of kids), if he complains about my soup now, i try to get better and i thank him for correcting me, if he doesnt call me, i call him to ask if he is okay, if he readsmy bbm msgs without replying i cll to check if he is okay and blive me, am having a peaceful relationship now and i pray i a have apeaceful and happy marriage.
You all citing Khloe and Lamar as example,asides what they show u on tv about their marriage,what else do u know about it?I completely agree with Ruby,you have all your life to be married,so y rush into it?I honestly feel at least a year's courtship.Guys we are talking about someone she met July and we are in early sept.My church won't even wed the couple because the minimum time for courtship is 6mnths.You can't compare d knowledge you'll have of someone in a year to that which you'll have in 3mnths unless you want to deceive yourself.Yes,you'll never know somebody a 100% but you can know someone enough to prepare you for what to expect.Sometimes love is not enough...its not the ultimate.My sister dated her husband for 9yrs before they got married and Lord knows I used their marriage as a point of contact to mine.Am not saying ny one shud date for that long cus I can't even try it.I keep telling God everyday that I can't manage a career,manage this and that and then manage a husband.Get to know him well,take your time...read his real character thru tins he does or says unconsciously.Its best to have a failed relationship than a failed marriage dear.It better to date him for a year and find out your not compartable than marry him now and find out you'll have to manage him for the rest of your life.I wish you the best.........Kaiy
Nope! Absolutely not! My huband and I got engaged 3 months into our relationship. We are still together 11 years after. If you know he is the one go for it. Who cares what people think?
Let's be realistic people,2mnths is too little to know someone,common!!!!!.What worked for A may not work for B.I'd suggest you date him for atleast 6mnths/one year.It won't hurt to know him more would it??And pls don't take all this follow your heart advice serious...a thousand times I've followed my heart and it took me to a deep end.Seek counsel frm the word,forget how u feel and use your head.All this pple here encouraging you now won't live with you.Please apply wisdom......God's grace.Kyle
Why the rush darling? Hmm! Men pretend oo,even ladies do,u dnt knw him @ all..Two month pere, naaaaa, too short,@least Dec,Jan or feb.. Dnt let him hook you down oo..
James is right,3yrs is not too much,and a year is nt too short too.. Na if dem don expire for house dem dey find nxt available flight.. + no too do shakara ko ma lo le ni le..lol
Why the rush darling? Hmm! Men pretend oo,even ladies do,u dnt knw him @ all..Two month pere, naaaaa, too short,@least Dec,Jan or feb.. Dnt let him hook you down oo..
Exactly. My family friend have been married for 15 years now. They got married when sex was still a shameful thing to talk about. They started having sex 2 weeks after they met! He told me that for 6 months when he travelled abroad for a course he did not cheat on his wife and he hasn't cheated on his wife before..... Abeg duration does not matter! I don't believe in not having sex before marriage o! Imagine if the mans dick is too big or too small or he doesn't no how to satisfy me. Its your loss and God will not come down and help u.
thou i believe those who ask those stupid questions are those who are stil young and nt searching nt those who are in there late 30s who did nt even see someone to say to them marry me,my dear stay there when u clock 30 by then all d men wil run looking for under 20s then i wil knw what u wil do continue asking questions and let people opinion mislead u may i remind u that most of those people are stil young and dnt knw wat despirate old ladies at there 30s pass through,pls woke up and grab ur husband wt all ur stranght or let another girl take and marry him just within one day.
i courted my husband for 5 months before we got married.i dated my ex and first boyfriend for 5years and he just kept prosponing till he jilted me for another girl.my dear its not how far but how well and with God on your side. what works for A might not work for B
Please take your time,i met my ex in April,he proposed to me in June,moved in together in July,we already booked our registry wedding for October, called off our engagement in August.He was a green snake,Thank God i didn't get married to him
my dear it doe snot matter, so far u both love each other, i met my guy in April and we started talking well in july this year, our wedding is coming up in November. before him i dated a guy for 8 years and he never commited himself to me, each time ask him he will tell me " you are my wife now dont worry God will teach us how to go about it. when you see true love u will definately know, read a linda post about a man that was killed by his inlwa this man and his wife started dating right from school see what come out of it, long courtship is "bush shit" there is nothing in it the man will keep sleping with u and others without commitment. moreover Pastor E.A Adeboye advised 6 months, so my dear go ahead, 3 month is fine. i am happy with my new guy he is very proud of me.
You never know people until you really share a life with them as in bills, kids, responsibilities etc. no amount of courtship can prepare anyone for what life has in store. So just be strong, pray and handle what life and marriage brings with wisdom and dignity.
Naija women don't ask questions until it's too late. Naija women are blindfolded with material wealth or if you have potential to be wealthy. They will say yes. But honest speaking six months is enough but ask the right question
Depends on the individuals involved, my husband and I courted under 8 months and got married (arrangee sha) and we're currently in our 6th year of marriage and can't do without each other...
Please wait o! two months isnt even enough time for HIV to show up in your system. There is absolutely no need to rush into marriage. Even if your sure your going to marry him now, it doesnt mean that things cant change as quickly as they started. You have all the benefits to gain by waiting while you gain nothing by rushing into it. Take your time and see where it goes. If in one or two years you still feel the same then you can get married then and would have lost nothing. However, if you decide he is not for you, you would have dodged a bullet. Sounds to me like a win win!
Please wait o! two months isnt even enough time for HIV to show up in your system. There is absolutely no need to rush into marriage. Even if your sure your going to marry him now, it doesnt mean that things cant change as quickly as they started. You have all the benefits to gain by waiting while you gain nothing by rushing into it. Take your time and see where it goes. If in one or two years you still feel the same then you can get married then and would have lost nothing. However, if you decide he is not for you, you would have dodged a bullet. Sounds to me like a win win!
I would personally say it matters and then it doens't matter. It matters because it gives you more time to get to know your spouse hence preparing you a little bit more for the things you'll see in marriage. It is hard to see the true colors and characters of each other because i like to say the first year of dating is still the honeymoon stage and all is not revealed. But on the other hand it doesn't really matter because people do change and if you are for a fact 100% certain that he is the one and that you are ready to take whatever comes your way then by all means go ahead girl. But i always like to tell my friends, guys of nowadays are all about themselves and are quite different from the men of the previous generation when some couples got married within 6months and are still together today going strong. Remember it is going to be for better for worse and we definitely don't want a situation when you got married in a hurry only to get divorced and wishing you had waited just a little bit longer for the right man to come along or that you had been warned by somethings you saw in him about what to expect. It won't be your portion in Jesus name. Please pray about it and remember patience is a Virtue
D duration doesn't matter. My husband n I got married barely 6mths after our first date n nt dat we were frends b4 den. I also knw two oda pple hu got married in less dan a mth after dey first met. Our marriages r wonderful. U can't knw smbdy all d way
Not that there is any best time as relationship is a work in progress. However, in my opinion, if you are an adult who has come of age,KNOWS YOURSELF, and longs for the happiest, most valued, and most respected relationship to ever be in, I would say that 6 months is enough to court your mate provided both of you have the same values and well defined goals.
Otherwise, it's a waste of time trying to hang on only for you to wake up one day and realize that you have wasted 6 months of your life spending time with someone who drains and sucks the happiness out of you like marrow from a bone.
Folks, if someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room. When a man sees the woman that he wants to be with, 6 months is too much before he pops the question. Never waste your time, fight for a spot or sell yourself to someone who overlooks your worth.
Funny enough, we’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love, true love.
i knew a couple who got married after 10 years and failed....so you never know when the right time is....
but personally... i wouldnt even class a guy as my boyfriend after 3/4 months of dating. let alone consider marrying him because id feel as if i didnt know him.
dont let the wrong man tie u down so quickly just because you want to be 'married'...think about it yourself
People will tell u dat it doesn't matter but in reality it really matters. Why the rush? Take ur time so dat u don't make a mistake u will live to regret forever.
The Truth is you can never know each other fully no matter how long you court,Some marriages have broken up after 30yrs,all I ask is for you to keep praying to God for guidiance & Direction,Marriage is an instituition u wld keep learning about one another
Just like one person could be 'unlucky' doesnt mean d next ppple/persons would be...As a matter of fact haven't u seen peeps dat court for 'YEaRS' and still break-up?.Ma dear the length of ur courting doesn't have a 'meaningful' significance(in its real sense of significance)....dis is just a thingy of 'C-H-O-I-C-E
There is no hard and fast rule to the whole courtship, marraige et al. but u know wot dey say, 'wots worth doing is worth doing well'. infact me i dont know sha O!!
LOL@James above. Met my hubby, got engaged in 2mths, wedding 6mths later. We've been married 3 yrs, a baby and bonny and clyding it out. When you know God, He makes it all clear.
Same thing happened with my parents and they have been married 35yrs now.
personally i think it matters. it is very important for you to know someone very well before you commit the rest of your life to them and likewise. knowing someone requires getting to be with them in different situations, lack, plenty, sick, healthy, angry, happy e.t.c. and this for some people might take a long time other short period of time. i will say at least a year to know the guy coz it is very important. that is why some women get married and after a while it seems as thought the guy has chenged but he actually hasn't it just that situations have changed and you have never seen the side of him that deals with that situation.
most importantly, a lot of young people these days get into relationships with a guy for all the wrong reason, that is why a woman will be asking LIB readers if she should sell her engagement ring coz it looks cheap. is it the ring that will endure for better for worse or you? My dear pls just pray to God about it and if you do not feel comfortable with it just speak to your man about it and agree on something with God.
I don't mean to rain on your parade but what if you are not sexually compatible. If he has PE or something worse nko? Just wondering, seeing as you say you love sex and you are not exactly a virgin.
Dating for close to 7yrs n he Hasn't popped d question? Yet u two ve sex n all that..the point s he hasn't proposed yet so be more careful.duration of courtship doesn't matter cuz u both end up wastin each others time if it doesn't work out
I've been dating my BF 4 6years now,we knw each other through and through, we're good friends and all but to tell u d truth d sweetness is done...I just tolerate him and If he props d question I'm not sure I wanna marry him sef...its just wen u're in a relationship 4 a long time it becomes a routine and even if its wrong getting out and starting afresh may seem difficult. But if I meet a guy 2day and fall in love wit him and he props d question I'll marry him 2morrow if my heart says so. Its not how long darling....if U feel in ur heart dat its right, do it. AnnyD
My dear, no matter how much you feel it in your heart that your fiancé is the right man, be patient enough for long courtship, say a year or thereabout. Use this time to know him more. You've got nothing to lose for a year while you study him.
Wat ithe babe is 38years old and met the guy,so she should court him for another 3years?then she will ß 41yrs and wedding and plans for close 2 one,by the time they get married she is 42..
Courtship matters! I married my husband 7 months after first meeting him. I'm now living in a nightmare. Fact is you cannot invest a courtship of mere months into a commitment of a lifetime. Its been 4 years and I'm still being surprised by aspects of his characer that have appeared. For example, if I miss a call or two from him he disappears for 2 or 3days. No explanations. He is highly emotional and I find that I cannot be free around him beacause he is easily annoyed. I don't like him. Its ridiculous and trust me men do not change. You cannot mould a man. Its important for both of you to have an actual proven knowledge of each other's true character. And that can only be seen through experience. Meaning you have to go through stuff together. You shouldn't depend on niceness, quietness etc. And those his family members you've met? It doesn't really mean anything other than meeting them. All they want is for their son to seem happy. You are replaceable. This is Nigeria.
Knowing when you man will propose is a very deep question thats more than just what the eye sees. there are alot of things to consider before your man can propose.
I'm going to try to keep this short.
His Financial Status His Friends His Family His Level in life
Why will you be dating a kid and expect him to propose? or why will you be dating someone that bearly feeds himself and you expect what he is thinking is getting married. The way most men think about Marriage is very different from the way ladies think about it and until the lady understand that, there might be a problem
Alot of ladies think they dont have anything to do when it comes to making their man propose to them willingly without being pushy or manipulative or without nagging him with marriage issues.
a lady has a lot to do when she wants her man to propose. their are carefully plan steps she can take and in not too long time, the man will thank her for letting him see things in that life and go down on one knee to say the 4 magic words she has being dying to hear "Will You Marry Me?"
i geez u must b an ibo gurl. Ds luks mor lyk 'arrangee' stuff in d sense dt d guy told his pple he nids a wife n u're recommended. He met n u lykd him. D families agreed n re already plannin d future. Hope he is based in naija cos if nt babe u re doomed. All dt glitters is nt gold. Tink wt ur head n nt ur hat. Dere is notin lyk 'he is d one'. It takes two to tangle. Marriage is all abt compatibility. Ur stents re his wiknes n vice versa dts y 1+1=1. Gud luck
Babe, people change O°˚˚˚ . Wait for a while before getting married. Pressure reveals who we truly are. Don't be deceive, the first phase of any relationship is always sweet but time will tell. I wish you all the best if you are convinced that he is the one but no say I know warn you.
No matter how long a courtship is ,u cant know everything about ur partner,,,some people are good in deceits..u start knowing the real person u married after u say I DO.....if u cant know everything about ur partner in a year or two,,,how do u want to know most things in just a short while???if u ask for my opinion,the duration is too short.......he may seem so perfect now cos he wants u.U're not living with him yet,do u know his imperfections/shortcomings?are they things u can change?if u cant change them,are they things u can live with for the rest of ur life?its better to take a little more time now to know him more than rush into marriage and get to know/see things u never saw before or probably expected.if ur courtship is a little longer and u feel u cant cope with him,its better u quit the relationship than have a broken home.........be wise and prayerful as u make ur decision!!!
Success of the marriage depends on A LOT more than the duration of courtship. That said, I personally can't marry a man I haven't courted for at least a year. I've been friends with my partner for 4 years and we've been courting for 2. Over the years I've grown and changed a lot and so has he. I'm glad I didn't marry him 4 months in. You can do it as you want babe, just make sure you're going in reasonably sure of your decision.
Chei!!This is a very bad idea. Its these types of courtship that we later hear the man is a wife beater, already married, a gambler alcoholic or worse. You are wearing rose tinted glasses. You dont really know him so you cant say he is the one. You sound desperate to get married. Please wait at least 12 months. If he is the one, it will last.
I have a couple friends that got married in exactly 3months, like this one case. It's been good since 2009 and will always be.
Life has its way of being unfair; we all have our share of the goods and bads even if we courted for 2years before marriage...there are a lot of those types too.
Marriages are unique; individuals concerned are success-factors too and God is a key factor in marital success.
182 comments:
No it doesn't matter at all.....follow your heart dear.
Courtship matters. A lot. A courtship of 3 or more years is the best as it gives you time to know your partner inside-out. The reason marriages fail these days is because people think they're sure he/she is the right person for them without fully knowing them until marriage is done.
Honestly, you've not done well by rushing into this. You may think you know him well but not enough to get married.
It doesnt reeally matter if his ur man nufin can stop u but is better to know his likes and dislikes maybe date for a year or so before marriage just lik terryg and his fiancee(how dos dis reduce the price of garri)omo-+iwo says so..via bb bold.5
Like the saying goes:its not how far but how well!And moreover its about what U̶̲̥̅̊ want n what you wanna do!Finally:Congrats and may the Good Lord Bless your Union!
It works.Well for me it did.Met my hubby in Dec.and in April we were married.Itz bin over 6 yrs now with kids in between and of course not without d squabbles,but point is,it worked and is still working.Pray about it though.
Well in some aspects its good †Φ know ur partner 4 a long duration dats what courtship is meant for †Φ know Ў☺ΰя partner better. U ought 2 make dat decision when uve known d guy beta. I bet u u dnt know most things about him yet. Take Ў☺ΰя time. Dnt get me wrong a short courtship before marriage doesn't make dat Marriage not †Φ last but a longer courtship period is adviceable. My Parents courted 4 ova 4years Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ now av not seen dem quarelling Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ dey know each odas in Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ out. Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ d Marriage is going from Strength †Φ Strength. Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ 1 more thing #pray.
The situation there is that this young man is ready for marriage and have been searching for a girl to marry hence everything went so fast.To me the short term relationship don't really matter what matters is the understanding during this short term. Honestly women are complicated,Do you want this man to date you for five years before proposing you ? Having said that you agreed, one of the secret success of marriage is endurance,understanding,less counting of laws,respect. When it comes to understanding, know that you are two individuals with different understanding(in this case disregard the impression that you are one.
Duration of courtship doesn't determine how successful the marriage will be. Afterall, some people court for 10 yrs and the marriage crashes. As long as the two of you know that you're both willing to stay together and work through any/everything that stands as an obstacle in your relationship, then you're good to go. Yeah, it does seem kinda weird that you guys started courting in July and already want to get married, but it doesn't mean it won't work. I personally think that a year at most (for me, a year is even pushing it) is more than enough time to get to know the person well. There's not too much that one can hide from the other for so long. So yeah, happy married life!
it doesn't matter,what really count is the love & understand in the relationship &also with the fear of God in it..
Four months is barely enuf sha. Six months could b considered as average. Better early than Late.
Back in School, I had a friend that was engaged for 8years n they r still engaged now. It is sick.
Most guys just strap the lady down wit a ring n live their normal lives while she struts about parading a ring to ward off prospective suitors. Pls Sistas, be smart enuf to know when enuf is enuf.
Congrats !
Michael says..
It all depends on the individuals. I have friends that had love at first sight and married 2 months later and have people that have been in courtship for years and all are still happily married.
Marriage is for life so follow your heart until you're 100% sure. Don't mind the societies useless peer pressure which have resorted to many miserable and broken marriages.
The truth about marriage is that it really does not matter how long you've dated , although its advisable you court for a year. Some pple dated for 15years before they got married and it hit the rock for divorce put all your trust in the Lord,pray about it . Your prayer should be God make us friends forever.Allow God to be the architect of your marriage. Goodluck
It doesn't matter my dear. So long as d feeling s mutual,it's all gud. Just pray 4 God's blessings. Have a happy home.
Mich_mach
Nawaoo women and their insatiable nature, when dey date for a short period of time dey complain everything was rushed,when d courtship lasts dey complain of being used. My dear successful marriage has no arithmetical formular,but ingredients and d most important being d sincere love u av for eachother.~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310.
Come on guys, people court for 6years, get enaged and end up not getting married. The duration of courtship doesn't matter as far as you are sure that what whatever happens in the marriage you will be there till death do you part. I hope you have prayerfully made this decision.
@ James: And if after the three years, you decide you cannot live with the woman for the rest of your life, you have just wasted three years of the woman's life? I don't think that 3 years is best, especially for a woman who's time passes so quickly; men have a loooong time to be choosing. Unfortunately, not the same for women. I think a year is long enough to get to know a person. When you see what you want, you will take it, not waste so much time until someone else who sees all those good qualities comes and takes what you spent three years contemplating on.
it does nt matter i and my hubby just met ending of last year too during october period and we are also planning our wedding dis october we now behave like 2people who hv knwn each other for almost 5yrs nw cos nothing is new to us anymore thou we hv nt had sex yet is an agreement we both had to wait til our wedding night i dnt knw i can hold myself till now cos i love sex but here i am nomatter how much i sited his hard erected dick severally times i still hold myself and here we are, and he love me so much for that, i tink either long or short relationship does nt matter wat matters is how fast u both are able to learn and catch up wt each other and may i remind u that most of d long relationship dnt end up in marriage it gives alot of headach and heartbreak so my dear u are on d right track if u ask me.
You have d rest of ur lyf 2 stay married so y rush inot it. Even if u r sure he is d 1 in dt short period, still court him for a few more months or at least a year. get 2 know his imperfections/weakness n ask ursef can I stand his imoerfection for d rest of my life? before rushing 2 d altar to say I do! A failed long courtship is beta dan a failed marriage oh!
@ James I agree it gives you time to know your partner. But u can neva know everything about your partner.some pple can't court for 3years they feel it's too long so I guess 1 or 2 years is okay. But you can never know everything about your partner.
You have d rest of ur lyf 2 stay married so y rush inot it. Even if u r sure he is d 1 in dt short period, still court him for a few more months or at least a year. get 2 know his imperfections/weakness n ask ursef can I stand his imoerfection for d rest of my life? before rushing 2 d altar to say I do! A failed long courtship is beta dan a failed marriage oh!
I believe 3 years is much better to know your partner before deciding to marry.
what will be will be, we choose our destiny. pray to God for direction bcos he alone knows best. goodluck
long courtship does not justfy lasting marriage, the bible it self does not encourage it, bcos its lead to funication, If you make ur decision based on GODS' word u are ok. wish you best of luck in your marriage.
Well , four months is a lil time to date n be wedded. 6 months on the ave is cool. But it is still not enuf to know each other. Pple carry on like they r just it within this timeline.
But beTter early than late. Am strongly against long courtships sha. Some guys just put d engagement on it n start flexing their lives while the girl struts about parading the ring to scare off eligible bachelors that want her.
Duration here is a function of the individuals involved n the levels of compatibility.
Whatever ! Congrats.
Asi asi, 4get the long courtship thing ooo.
U can never wholly know you partner ooo
Some new things must still come out after the marriage...
But I would have loved if the couple were "just friends" and not under cloudy "love", as it would allow you see the faults of the partner and come to terms with it
U can never truly know someone. Whether you court for 5years or 5weeks. It is advisable to court for a little while so as to be comfortable and tolerant with the person. I reckon you stick to what you have and make the best out nof it.
Why pay for the cow when u can milk it? Ma boy Peter okoye,chilling with a fine babe,no engagements nathing just spending cold cash and popping out babies! Yoo,that's ma boy!
Engagement and all dat is for bitchniggers!
Life is a dynamic. What's good 4 some will b disastrous 4 others. My advice's to spend d little time b4 d wedding 2 know as much as you can abt him. You can b happy with him. Just make sure ur expectations are nt too high cos t are marrying him virtually blind. Goodluck.
6 months or six years you'll find things you love and don't love about them. But once your marriad under a year things may come up that you wont tolerate but may have to compromise. Basically as long as you decide that you will work out whatever situations that are bad then your fine. But honestly its time that allows you to forgive and forget and as you haven't finished your honeymoon period in the relationship yet i would say there is no harm to wait till next year summer or winter, if u love him now you'll love him then but at least you will have built the relationship to something that is concrete and not easy to fall if things will go wrong along the lines as relationships always do but its the foundations you spend time building that will save it.
It doesn't matter, ask Khloe and Lamar! They married after 30days and dy are as strong as anything.
At all it doesn't. You can date someone for 20yrs before marriage and still won't work while some people will date for 6months before marriage and it will flourish well. Sometimes I feel when u date someone for too long you end up not being able to marry that person because you must have exhausted all the surprises. When you marry someone and in the marriage you are always looking out for something I mean curiousity and inquisitiveness makes you get stick and so the marriage keeps going. But if you already know that person 100% before marriage you tend not to be excited much as regard what to expect that way u get bored bcos u can predict him/her anytime so no surprises. Marriage is something we learn through ,it's never going to be perfect ,if it was going to be perfect then there wont use the word WORST it would have been for BETTER for BETTER and not for bETTER for WORST. If you like date someone for 10yrs or 10months it still won't guarantee successful or long lasting marriage. We learn about each other while married,don't ever have the thought of whether it will work or not,don't think of what to do whether to divorce when there is a slight argument,bcos most people start thinking and having all that in mind even before marriage and I bet it will come to pass if u ever think of any of those. Some people will say in their minds "well make I marry jor if e no work I go divorce na abi na by force after all no be me be first to leave marriage" yes some people start thinking like that even before engagement,I bet if u do that will manifest fast bcos you will see urself not been able to tolerate the ups and downs that comes with marriage. Marriage is not always sweet,sometimes the bitter side will surface,don't always think u have married a perfect man to avoid being disappointed at any slightest move by your spouse,see him/her as someone you are getting to know more about, that In mind you can tolerate bcos u will say after all he/she is not perfect. Pray to God to keep you and him alive and the strength to be able to carry on.
Longest time omo iwo, missed u bruh (no homo) gud to av u here again.~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310.
the important thing is how you feel.if it feels right in heart like you said. then go ahead..lots of babes go on to marry a guy they'v been dating for 5years even when they didnt have peace about it. Trust your instincts always...congrats dear
It depends dear long or short cortship does not work for everyone. All u need to do is to understand eachoda in the short time dt u both ve before your marriage. i met my husband april 2011 and we got married nov 2011 and so far God has bin very faithful to us. so all unid do is to go to God in prayer and make him d chief counsellor in ur relationship.
HONEY IT DOES NOT MATTER BUT!...FOR THE SAKE OF AVOIDING PROBLEMS YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE A LONG TALK TOGETHER ABOUT EACH OTHER...
IN CASES WHEN YOUR MARRIED AND STILL LEARNING THINGS THAT YOU COULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT EACH OTHER DURING COURTSHIP CAN BE A GOOD AND ALSO A BAD THING AND IF YOU GUYS CAN HANDLE THAT..THEN IT'S FINE....
BUT AT THE SAME TIME...KNOW IF HE IS THE ONE , THEN HE IS GOING NO WHERE SO THERE IS NO REASON TO RUSH THERE IS NO HARM IN MORE TIME BUT INFACT MORE CERTAINTY
I saw ur comment and I smiled,if I was ur bro I will tell u the truth that ur man is fcuking outside to satisfy himself. I know u know as long as u guys are nt doing it right. Good luck see as men take dey deceive some women.
Who are these people talking 3 years or more for courtship??? E no follow o! Long or short, na God kno as e go take be. Just pray about it and u'll be fine.
I believe if u partner wants to show u his true self he wld cos u wld neva kno al bou him,its wat he wants to know!dats wat e wld portray! So either 4months or a year...jes be prayerful!
it's not like my comment would matter anyway.if i say it's not right would u call off the wedding?
The best courtship is iragodi d ootu and its sweet just put a ring on the finger! U can't put a ring na ootu gbalu uka!!!
months, years........it doesnt matter but i dont really support a long courtship...since you know he is the one for you.....y wait..see if u wait for years before marriage,you cant still know him 100% cos some traits will definately unravel itself in the early years of your marriage.... follow ur heart...all the best!
My husband proposed to me 3weeks after we started dating and now we are married. Long courtship does not guarantee anything. As long as you pray to God and you know for certain that he's God's choice for you, you have no problem. There would be ups and downs especially when you are in the process of knowing each other. However, do not let it disturb you. I urge you to tell it all. If you have a past, please share it with him. In the process of planning your wedding, tell it all. Give a very detailed information about your life, your past, your exes etc. This is very important in every relationship. I also urge all our young ladies, please make sure you don't have a past that will hurt you.. Always put God first in all that you do.
i don't think that the length of courtship matter. A man always know what he wants and if its you he wants then he won't beat about the bush.
i have friends who have done the long courtship and ended up not marrying and also married and i have friends who did the short courtship and are married and happy. there is a case which we handled in our firm of a couple who dated for 10yrs and ended up separating after just 2months of marriage and are now getting divorced. As its saying goes its not how far you go but how long!
the thing with marriage is that there would be ups and downs no matter how long you knew, its just how you work out your difference that matters and always put God first too, cos with him life is easier.
wishing you all the best
Wish u all the best...I dated a guy for 9 years and nothing came out of it,am presently dating another guy now,thou have knwn him for about 2 yrs,but we just started dating in May this year,and we planning 2 get married next year.My Dear,God will bless ur union and u will have no cause for regret..
Abeeeeeegii lenght of time of courtship does not matter o! pray to God to help you see and know him in and out, my dear both men and women can pretend kai, there are so many goat in sheep clothing out there is only God that could help us. I met my husband 1st time after school cert. I didnt start to date him till my final year in school (5yrs later) got married after 4 years (all the years I was trying ot get to know him), am just getting to know who he is gangan and how to handle him.
so my dear prayer works and bear this is mind that if God let us know everything about our spouses so many will still be looking for perfect spouse.
Best of Luck dear!
Love, patience, understanding, endurance, trust is all the enough you need. Who said it will be easy afterall. Once you both agree to be a TEAM., with all attributes of the word and a doing one at that it all will sum up for good. Dont be restricted by length of time. The guy who bite off wife's nose where childhood friends. The arowolo who killed wife courted for many years. If you both are willing to 'work' the committment, then its fine. Those are the tips that has worked for me and is still working. Dont forget, keep family, friends, 'well wishers' and 'advisers' off interfering in your marriage. Trust me, they are the ones that overblots issues in marriage. Good luck and keep God in the centre always.
for me how long u courted does not matter but d way u both understand each other, bcos d truth is u can never know everything abut him/her, so just pray to God to lead u in dis journey...all d best. linda plsssssss post my comment ooo
its not about how long, but about your decision to live the rest of your life with "the one".
if yoy both are determined to make it work, #shikena.
However, longer courtship is advised to help differentiate infatuation from love. And also to get you prepared for what lies ahead.
Why the rush? Be careful! Something is fishing.just tell him to give you few more months to be double sure then u will see the revelation.careful is the watch word!
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♏̣̇Ỵ̣̥̇ dear long or short term reletionship marriage ЪŦ wil fail wil fail nd d one ЪŦ wil work wil work. Its J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊t̶̲̥̅̊ d grace of God nd U̶̲̥̅̊ hv T̶̲̥̅Ơ̴͡ overlook alot whn U̶̲̥̅̊ re married. Patience communication tolerance etc
I agree wit u buh nt actually 3 or more yrs dats much of a time. 1yr is okaii.
From all I've learnt from readin all pastor bimbos books...courtship shud be for at least 1year...to me,the guy is rushing to get married..and most people that find themselves in that situation end up being trophy wives..while he carries on his faaji around....
At the end of the day...pray and seek Gods face in the matter :)
The Fashion Engineer
It doesnt matter how long you dated, what matters is, is he or she your friend? can u trust him / her, can you stay together the whole day and find something to always talk about. Can u talk on the phone and flow for an hour. If he / she is your friend, you can be happily married after one month dating. Time doesnt matter. What matters is CONNECTION, CHEMISTRY AND COMMUNICATION.
my dear u are even lucky he proposed d last boyfriend i had i dated him for 3good yrs but he neve proposed i waited and waited and waited and he knew i was waiting for him cos he knew i love him yet nothing happened, wat he kept saying to me was that one day i wil be d mother of his children and i keep waiting for that day to cm and yet noting happened,d least he can do was anytime he's ontop of me leaking and banging me he wil be begging me to marry him right ontop of me and i wil keep saying yes til i got tired,as soon as we finish making love to me end of discussion thou i tink d love i had for him then was nt genue cos now i found genue love,i love him then cos he knws how to make love very much and he gives me money all d time even if i dnt ask,cos he knws i lv money, d only day he tried to propose without being ontop of me he proposed without an engagement ring that was when i knw dis guy was just taking me for a fool and a child cos i started dating him when i was 24 but i look hotter than my age, so frm that day i walk out of his life he keep coming bck but i told him either u put a ring on dis finger or no pussy for u,he then said i should gv him 6months for is client to pay him d 20million naira his expecting then we wil get married then i knw he's upto another game of keeping me for himself for another one year and i refused and take a walk so my dear my point is that long relationship dnt matter it can only gv u headach,pains and heartbreak,u are lucky, thou i hv found d right guy now too so no more long relationship is either marriage or no deal period.
Here is my take! I dated a guy for almost 8yrs I got engaged to him but guess what we no more together.if it was a matter of years that was going to be a judgemental factor am sure I would b married to him, but girlfriend its not.if you love some one and he is the one you would know so no one can tell you what to do. Go with ur heart and love freely.life is to short to wory about what people say.At the end of the day you would be leaving together wit him and not them.so focus on him and ensure u make him happy as much as he does to you. Don't go to bed agry at each orda, talk about everytin don't keep anytin secret from him.that was ma mistake don't do same. Hope I get an invite love...
I dated someone for 8years and i will tell you now, forget long courtship. Just ensure that you are prepared for marriage in your heart cos marriage is not totally 'and they lived happily ever after'. The foundation should be true fellowship with God, Remember how you still have differences with your siblings? you forgive them and move on. So is marriage o.
Courtship doesn,t matter at all .two people can meet and get marreied in 24hours.wat about those dat courted for1, 2,3,4 or more years without getting married,How long to u want to study a person before marriage?. some People can Prtend till dey get wat they want. i peronally do not believe in courtship,just make sure you are attracted to each other,Marriage or choose a life patner is the Grace of God,u can never get a Mr Right or Mrs Right, it is left for the both Parties to Make sure they work out their marriage by all means,its not about spending money for a large wedding. Long Courtship is not the reason for most failing marriages today,i believe the reason why marriages fail is becous some couples are not ready to go extra miles or are not ready for marriage before going into it. Marriage is not a toy game.its for the matured minds.KNOWING THE WILL OF GOD IN MARRIAGE also is very important.Its not how far but how well.
N.B our parents dint get to date for all those years we all want to now and it worked out. The bottom line is two pple ready to work things out no matter how long they have known eachother
Frm my own view, I feel is nt aw far bt aw well, u can court for "years" and yet u might nt stil knw him.cos @ tyms durn courtship, men can b the best u want them to b and wen u get married,dt is wen dey ll bring out deir true self. So my dear, follow ur h@,b prayerful and I wish u well.
All the people saying 3years or more is enough to know someone better...indeed! That's for the text books. Even your parents or siblings u have known for ages exhibit chacters that leave you surprised sometime (if you are honest with yourself). So whether its 3month or 3years, the most important thing I can say about it is that comartibility and the amount of effort both parties are willing to put into the relationship is key to success not the length of time they were together before the marriage.
No it doesn't, its not how long u've known but how well u understand each oda. If ur heart says yea, do it. If he makes u happy, dnt let him go, if he loves, cares & respects u, dats de inn-tin. Its all dat matas my dear, i wish u guys luck.
Well said.
months, years........it doesnt matter but i dont really support a long courtship...since you know he is the one for you.....y wait..see if u wait for years before marriage,you cant still know him 100% cos some traits will definately unravel itself in the early years of your marriage.... follow ur heart...all the best!
Well said. Tym doesn't matter as such but there's dis thing in marriage I lyk 2 call shock factor. Its best wen u dnt hav 2 discova 2 many unpleasant things in marriage but wen u already kno in courtship, u deal wit it, infact in courtship, genuine adjustment has a greater possibility than in marriage. Cos courtship givs u d opportunity 2 state out clearly d terms of wat can b acceptable or unacceptable in marriage. So if u still go ahead wit d october wedding plans, cool but u just pray 4 grace n Gods hand in ur home. Sumtyms d tym spent in courtship doesn't really decide d outcome of ur marriage
Lilspicer aka omo iwo is back!!!:D
It is written love is kind,patient..1stly, does he love God.2ndly, is he patient bcos u'd need lots of it in marriage.Esp wit a short courtship surprises(behavioural discoveries) would spring up in d early years of marriage.If diz 2 are in check fire on girl.Happily marriedman says so.
My dear if you think it does not matter then why post it here for people's opinion.
If u feel you are doing the right thing then go on dear, wish u all the best but u really have to be prepared and prayerful too, because marraige is not a bed of roses all the time...............
As our faces and DNA are different , so is our everyday scenes and fate ... Something might workout for some people and down for others ...I Believe you know what your engaging into... Prayer Is Always The Key... Success!!
3 months is too short for courtship cs usually ur still in ur honeymoon stage...u may nt av even had any major fite..its take about 8-12months for u to even begin to start experiencing wt a relationship is...so I def fnk its too short..my ex proposed to me 2months after we met n even tho I loved him I realised it ws too early to make such a commitment...n after a year d relationship ended so jst imagine if I'd said yes at dt point
U got lucky...sme1 else may nt be so lucky
July, August,September....Wow...I guess we all are used to the orthodox long courting in Africa...and really its okay if U av the Convincing Spark inside u,that he's d one...people date for 3years and end up saying oh, we parted ways, irreconcillable differences bla bla...God will Guide u and give u the wisdom u need to make it work, and u don't owe any1 explanations, when they ask, u cn avoid it.
well research shows that during courtship,u only get to know 20% of ur partner's charisma cos it is a period of impression both parties wouldn't want to step on each other's toes inotherwards certain charisma are being hidden and this makes it difficult to accept the fac that you know ur spouse so well no matter the duration.if u like court for 10 years it will still be the same 20%.the real you only comes out immediately after solemnization
all the same courtship shouldnt be less than 6months and it shouldnt be more than 1year,from church perspective so as to avoid sin.
in conclusion just pray about it
James u dont know what ur talking abt .....3 yrs is for someone in the early 20s which is ur age i am guessing
no one has time for trail and error relationships.
YES it matters. My parents courted for only six months and their marriage was a disaster. They don't know themselves in every aspect of life till today. I spent 21years with them trying to join them together, but to no avail. They are just two strangers under one roof showing each other pepper. i hav shifted out and will keep praying for God's intervention or better still they divorce cos the condition'f dat house, i dnt undstnd their 'i must remain married'. The thing's really affecting my life ooo. I'm so scared'f marriage. Hav dated m'man for 9yrs now and i'm 30. Whenevr he brings marriage talk i shift it oooo. Yea i knw its abnormal, but i dont care. If i dont finish knowing him, lie lie... I no want part 2 of my house to replay in my own home
my dear 3 months is very ok. its nt hw long u know the person but hw well. look at Khloe and Lamar. after 10 days of dating she knew he was d one for her. they have bin happily married. but look at Kim who got married after 9months of dating yet got divorced after 72 days. follow ur heart dearie...but dnt spend too much on d wedding. wat is most important is d marriage...cheers.
long or shhort courtship, all is in God's hand o. some can be busy courting and another sharp babe will just swoop in n carry bele! pls follow ur heart my dear. all de best.
my dear courtship really matters alot o. Believe me u dot knw ur guy too well to accept is proposals nw, u need to knw is likes n is dislike, n beside dat i knw he will claim to be a good guy nw,bc he really needs somtin from u nw. So make u shine ur eye before u enter ooooo.bc dis 1 wer u wan enter na skul of no graguation except dead do u part.
my dear courtship really matters alot o. Believe me u dot knw ur guy too well to accept is proposals nw, u need to knw is likes n is dislike, n beside dat i knw he will claim to be a good guy nw,bc he really needs somtin from u nw. So make u shine ur eye before u enter ooooo.bc dis 1 wer u wan enter na skul of no graguation except dead do u part.
if im not mistaken ur fiance's name is OLUSHOLA?? d no of years of courtship really dnt matter ok,it cn take a month,it can take five years,wat matters is maturity communication and what u feel for eachoda. goodluck,if its shola,hes a good guy
All yall bitches need to stfu....why rush into marriage? Have been dating my boyfriend close to 7 years now and guess Wat? We are really happy, I know him in and out now, I know what he likes and what he doesn't like. Even if we get married now it' wouldn't make any difference.....my point is long duration is always the best POint Blank Period
I think 1 year + is ok. You are going to spend the rest of your lives together so what's the rush? That's my take though; you definitely know better.
My Dear follow your heart, what is the use of crazy long courtship that leads to unending woes??? We have a similar case, I was in a relationship of more than a decade and believe me it was fruitless. I decided to move on and take the bull by the on. I met the love of my life and within six months we were already settled.... (A broken engagement/relationship is far better than a broken marriage o, girl a word is enough for the wise)It's not how far my dear but how well.. I am telling you the best decision you can take now is to follow your heart, be faithful to ur man, pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and close your ears to what people will say. Never forget that your happiness is paramount in this matter. I wish you best of luck.
I tink u shld just pray to God for directions...we av heard stories of pple who courted for years and wen dey get married d partner starts showing funny characters,some pple are very gud at pretending,it doesn't matter ow long.personally I tink trust,respect,understanding,selflessness and compromise re d major tins dat make any relationship work and above all put God first in everytin u do.I wish u d very best in ur marriage.
it does not matter how long u r in a relationship being that no mata how long you date a person you can never know the person totally. to me what matters is how long the spark can still be in ur hearts. if afta 1 year the spark is not there then it calls for someone to start thinking. i will say, stay on and c how far the spark will be there. u can feel its right now but give it some time.
So for ur mind ur hubby is on d 'no sex' plan with u. Hez satisfied outsyd. N fyi,he myt meet sum1 he'll continue wit afta u guys ve wedded. Fool! Ife nkea afugbukwanu m.
what works for Mr. A, may not work for Mr. B and vice versa. you can court for 2weeks and have a very successful marriage while some one who courts for 10 years may not be successful and vice versa. so pray to your God and if he hears you, you will be happier than people who courted for 15years and are fighting every day.
Wat makes u feel u knw ur bf in and out?u tink u knw him u wld be suprised wid some tins he wld do wen u finally get married to him.u beta pray he marries u sef
As much as we say when we met the person we knew they were the one, I feel it is important to spend at least 6months b4 getting married to someone. Walking just by feeling can be dangerous, people still have attitudes and natures you have to live with. I think time always shows u whether that feeling u felt when u first met is really true.the relationship needs time of trial and testing to make sure it can stand the test of time. Any bridge that is built or foundation laid is taken thru various processes to make sure that it can house people safely or carry any load safely.
Linda, could you share where this person is based? If it is Texas, sounds similar to my story. My boyfriend dumped me after months of dating and met his new girlfriend in July 2012....now he is getting married to her, October or December. He dumped me through text message saying "my new girlfriend is a virgin." But my question to them is: how do you ensure you own happiness when you have caused someone else sorrow. My the good Lord revenge on my behalf.
If the poster is based in Texas, the reason why they are rushing is because she is a virgin and Lanre cannot wait to have sex.
pastor Chris Ojibani meet and married his wife in 21 days. they are still waxing stronger.
i can meet and marry some1 in a week if i believe she is the one for me.
My dear, u better get married if ure sure and you have all the confirmation you need cuz mehn.... even if u court for 10yrs, you can finish knowing him and the confirmation would not be stronger... if anything, you might encounter problems that could break u apart, but if faced as a (married) couple... it'll just make u guys stronger or you find ways to work around it.
So my dear, where's it happening cuz i wan come chop rice o...lol
@OY,I dnt exactly agree.dere are actually some disciplined men around.I waited till I got married to my wife b4 sex.At the end of d day,it takes patience,endurance nd God's help to sustain a marrige,not necessarily d length of courtship.I courted my wife for 2yrs nd God has bin helping us.cheers!
I'm guessing ure 3yrs old dearie?
Truth is, duration of courtship doesnt matter, although it is adviseable to date for at least a year before marriage, why don't you move the wedding a few more months if you are still unsure? You can use the extra time to pray about it, wish you all the best tho...
Lol. Marriage proposal only while Banging? I've not heard of that before
Courtship is very important and crucial to a successful marriage if practised in the manner our forefathers did or in strict adherence to biblical injunctions. However, there is yet no known theory that draws any parallel between success or otherwise of a marriage and the length of time spent in courtship.
One thing I have come to learn is that whenever a man that is willing and ready to settle down meets with a woman who is prepared for same, marriage do happen faster than anyone could ever imagine. Whether that marriage will work or not depends on a number of variables which are strictly outside the confine of what courtship could foretell.
For example, I met my wife in January, proposed 3 months after and wedded by the 8th month! And you know what; 12 years down the line and wonderfuls kids in between, we are still going strong! Not like there haven't been issues. Yes, we have had issues, really serious issues. But our conviction to make it work inspite of everything have kept us going!
So my advise to you is that you both need to assess your preparedness for this journey. Is this what you want now at this point in your life? Does your partner feel the same way? How strong is your faith and conviction? Are you strong in prayer (cos, you are going to need God all the way)? Are your emotions strong enough to withstand situations? I am asking these questions because I want you to understand that true courtship in itself is not a finite thing (as most of us do wrongly think). Today's courtship is carried on in a spirit of flirtation. In the present age, courtship has become more like a scheme of deception and hypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls has far more to do than the Lord! In its TRUE form, Courtship is an endless journey that traverse the whole length of a marriage. You will receive revelations upon revelations about your partner; you will stumble on traits that you had never come across before; and you will come face to face with actions and reactions that may seem alien to your imaginations! Are you prepared to deal with all of these? But as believers, we are enjoined to be as wise as serpent and also trust in the Lord with all our hearts for all things work together unto them that love God!
In conclusion, if you are comfortable with the feedback you receive from this instrospection, I advise you follow your heart and go for your dream. I do wish you guys a blissful union!
its very sure that even,if you stay with him for 10years you cant knw him all........but, just sit yourself down when you knw you can listern to your soul / heart,and ask yourself''am i doing the right thing with the right person?''.then above all, ask God too bcos with him all things possible. Mark10:27.
ola**
you are either desperate or plain stupid!!!
follow ure heart
Ask khloe and lamar, yes theirs is working but can u see how much effort khloe is making. She can give up anything for her man and she respects him so well. That's the spirit dear. Its not how long u are in courtship that matters. Women are the ones that make or break the home with the way we handle issues and again depending on the kind of family we come from. If a woman gives her man the highest standard of respect no matter who the breed winner is, believe me the man cannot help but love and adore her no matter how hard that man is. If you are ready to respect your man and accept his people with open heart and God being the foundation of your marriage, Your marriage will surely work.in marriage, women should learn to be ready to give up anything to make their marriage work. Men are babies, the key to their heart is not even love but respect and u will see him sweep you off your feet. Am a witness! I can never enjoy what I enjoy today had I not controlled arguing with my husband and giving him his due respect.men, hate nagging women no matter how beautiful the woman is.
Omo-iwo is bk
Welcome sweerie missed u loadz
Whether you date for 6 months or 100 years, there are some things about your fiance that will not come to light while you're dating. You will only see it when you're married. Many people say you should date for at least 3 years.. 3 years is not enough time to fully get to know someone.. It takes a lifetime!! So if you think that he is "the one" and vice versa, and both of you are ready, I think you should go for it. Congrats!!
its very clear dat, even if you stay with him for 10years, you cant knw him all but..you jus need to sit your self down when you knw your soul / heart listern & ask yourself ''am i doing the right thing with the right person''? then above all, ask God for right direction bcos with him....all things are possible.Mark10:27.
its very clear dat, even if you stay with him for 10years, you cant knw him all but..you jus need to sit your self down when you knw your soul / heart listern & ask yourself ''am i doing the right thing with the right person''? then above all, ask God for right direction bcos with him....all things are possible.Mark10:27
It doesn't matter, as long as they are God ordained. I met my husband 23rd of Dec 2010, by Mid April of 2011 we'd had our Intros and Trad wedding. With the Church Ceremony September of that year. Now, when I went to join him as his new wife in another region of the UK, I got a big job somewhere wlse and he encouraged me to apply. We were apart for almost another year (long distance marriage), but now God has blessed him with a position in the town where he gave me permision to move to, and now / anyday now we are expecting our first baby. See if it is the will of God, God will work everything out. My husband is more than 10,000 husband. Truly, I could not have been given a better man. And it wasn't as if we courted for long. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy first year, but by God we are where we should be. I'm really enjoying my marraige.
The question you should ask yourselves is: Do we know each other well enough to live together as man and wife?? If yes, pray about it and continue. If no, keep thinking about it, keep praying and extend your courtship period...
Truth is, the time of courtship doesn't matter it all depends on what works for everyone of us..
My relationship with my ex will be 3yrs 10th of September, today makes it one month & 2days we broke up!! The reason being his some pple in his family were controlling and it got to him. We dated, courted without them being around us so I guess that's why I didn't notice.
It still hurts and stings but I will be over it cos I am still very young, beautifull and intelligent! I am glad in a way despite being hurt cause as a woman in Nigeria, I can imagine marrying a man whose family is so controlling...
I am glad I am not marrying a coward; he made promises, spoke words, put a beautiful ring on my finger but never kept his word..
Long courtship, short courtship, it matters little, to be honest. The purpose of courtship is to know your partner to a certain accepted level before going down the for better or worse road. Knowing someone well enough to marry does not have a defined number of years or months. If you feel you know him well enough to marry him, sure, go ahead.
What you need to know is the number of courtship years does not determine the success of a marriage. Hell, even if you date a guy or girl for 7 years and you know them inside-out, and you love them so much, and they love you too, you lot can get married and then 3 months later everything falls apart.
It's not an exact science.
Just follow your heart and ask for God's guidance.
Chucks
i think i know who is writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!,but i think you guys should go slow,cause i know you my friend,a little thing can make you change your mind.
I don't know if it is possible to completely get to 'know' someone. I feel things unravel every day while you are married and pple change.
The important thing I think is to pray and ask God to see one through the journey of marriage. It is not an easy one I dare say.
i was in a relationship for 6 years and we did not end up in marriage.Even though we were engaged but we did not end up getting married.We lost the flames and we broke up.
I met my fianace few months ago and trust me he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.He's caring and loving and his family cant wait for us to get married.
We are having our introduction before the end of this year and our families are now friends.
So to me long courtship is nothing.I have been there and i know the diffrence.To me alli care about is my happiness and i dont care what people say....
The lenght of time does not really matter to me sha... I have a friend that dated a guy for 8yrs. Got married to the guy. They got divorced after 2yrs. My bro proposed to his chick after 3mths of dating. They are still married after ten yrs. There is really no rules to me sha...
was going to marry one guy until 2 months down d line i discovered he lied about going to a university and that he cant even read or write. I didnt know all these wen i met him cos he was all swag and dope...long courtship helps u discover things u can and cannot tolerate.....i say 1 year minimum is goood. please take ur time, marriage is not worth the rush i bet u. ask people married.
Is true my brother oh! Thats how i was forming virgin with my husband(which he agreed to and said he would wait) not knowing he was busy straffing one chic and i was busy waiting for wedding night. Hes lucky i didnt find out before the wedding,i would have left him in a blink. Still feel betrayed after 6yrs but wetin one go do.
Men cant be trusted. Just be chaste for righteousness sake.
My parents didn't court and they lived happyly 2geda for 25yrs b4 death parted them. I courted someone for 7yrs and we never got married. I courted my husband for 2months and I am having the best marriage ever. We will be 4yrs in january
my grand father did not know my grand mother b4 b4 his father brought her home and say dis is ur wife. Sixty years still counting, no problem. Marriage is all about commitment on both sides and not the duration of courtship.
My dear follow ur heart.
The most important thing is for u to be tolorant and understanding but more importantly have a forgiving heart. you must understand that he is human and thus, u guys will step on eachother's toes so learn to forgive him no matter what.
Ignore alot of them say, ur husband is this and that, I saw your husband here and there.but pls watch out if he his abusive i.e if he beats women. from ur conservation/observation u will be able to tell if he is abusive.
Pls iron out ur issues/concerns b4 d "D" date so that u wont be too dissapointed in future.
Goodluck dear
It doesnt matter if ur both sure dat its what u want.
That's ur mom n dad! My dear, it doesn't mata provided both parties r true to each other n follow ur mind. My bro n wife got married 3months after they met n its 7yrs n still counting. Khloe n lamr was just 3weeks tho some feel they r faking thiers. Just tryg to say it doesn't rily mata. Also pray abt it!
Pls, most importantly pray about it.
it is well
Its not how far buh how well. Provided u both true to eachother. Mandy (the comedian) dated the ex hubby for 5yrs n marriage lasted for 3months. I know a friend that met the hubby n they got married under 6months. 5yrs now wit kids. Just follow ur hrt n pray abt it. God won't disappoint u.
looks like the same story with mine. I met ayoung man in 2009 bue we werent close friends but sometimes injune 2010, he called me to hook up at an eatery and 2weeks later he was talkin about marriage. He is so nice,works in a bank, loves my personality( am troublesome, demanding though fun to be with bt i get wahala), he loves my family member n allows me to put on whatever makeup or cloth i want to put on but later on when his pressure for an intro bcame much, i broke the engagement. y? i said he is not good enof for me, he cant speak good english, and the love i had for him died. He begged me bt i still said NO but this is 2012 n am still regretting my actions. He is happily married to a beautiful woman (taller than me- am 5ft 2 n am complainin that a tall hansome man cant speak well)and with a cute baby.
L left him then cos i was still in love with my ex who came back, proposed but the relationship was a livin hell anytimes we hve issues.(my past wasnt too good and me and my ex came from d same town). he wanted to know my past and the little i told him (i still regret tellin him), Called me names- slut, asshole,ashawo, liar, deceptive demon, gave me lots of conditions and all(this made me shut my mouth up about my past but he still wants me to tell him the rest bt i cant). I know he loves me so much bt he is an african man who blives in lookin simple(i love bein flashy and in control of myself), a dictator, the woman has no right to call him names even if he calls her d worst names on earth. He still wants me to marry him but i know the marriage would be a disaster.The family do not really love me bt acceptd me cos of their brother.But am still crazily in love with him.
After an off and on relationship for 9yrs, i made up my mind this yr to move on and some weeks after, i met another man who told me his intentions the second time we went on a date in June and he wants marriage before dec.
Am not crazily in love with him, he isnt my dream guy, cant speak english fluenty but he is okay as in average(learnt my lesson hehehehe). But i am myself with him, i have a say in the house, most of his family members, friends, church members loved and accepted me though he doesnt know about my past (which was an issue i told him i dont want to talk about even his past). We met in June n gettin married before the end of this yr.A lesson i have learnt is nobody is perfect and if you leve a man cos of some reason, u may end up meeting someone worse than ur ex. I still havent met a guy like the one i broke his hrt in 2010.
I had lot of issues with this new guy last month and his called me and talked senses into my head. A woman builds and destroys her home. I was always screamin at the new guy errors, comparing him to my ex, holding on to silly escuses (like he didnt call me more than once today, he read my bbm msg and didnt reply, he complained about my soup)and i make it a big issue. You cant know a man evn for 100yrs, all we need to do as an individual is forgive easily, correct with love,tolerate each other, over look little issues and make urself happy and ladies(have a good source of income and dont give birth to million of kids), if he complains about my soup now, i try to get better and i thank him for correcting me, if he doesnt call me, i call him to ask if he is okay, if he readsmy bbm msgs without replying i cll to check if he is okay and blive me, am having a peaceful relationship now and i pray i a have apeaceful and happy marriage.
Its not how far but how well, plan your marriage joor, and I wish you HML.
Warri Girl.
A lady's key accessory www.warrigirl.com
U are so on a looooooooooooooooong tin! I pirry u!
You all citing Khloe and Lamar as example,asides what they show u on tv about their marriage,what else do u know about it?I completely agree with Ruby,you have all your life to be married,so y rush into it?I honestly feel at least a year's courtship.Guys we are talking about someone she met July and we are in early sept.My church won't even wed the couple because the minimum time for courtship is 6mnths.You can't compare d knowledge you'll have of someone in a year to that which you'll have in 3mnths unless you want to deceive yourself.Yes,you'll never know somebody a 100% but you can know someone enough to prepare you for what to expect.Sometimes love is not enough...its not the ultimate.My sister dated her husband for 9yrs before they got married and Lord knows I used their marriage as a point of contact to mine.Am not saying ny one shud date for that long cus I can't even try it.I keep telling God everyday that I can't manage a career,manage this and that and then manage a husband.Get to know him well,take your time...read his real character thru tins he does or says unconsciously.Its best to have a failed relationship than a failed marriage dear.It better to date him for a year and find out your not compartable than marry him now and find out you'll have to manage him for the rest of your life.I wish you the best.........Kaiy
Dats ur opinion dear...wait until u get invited to his own wedding....u could have started frm cradle to date him
Nope! Absolutely not! My huband and I got engaged 3 months into our relationship. We are still together 11 years after. If you know he is the one go for it. Who cares what people think?
Let's be realistic people,2mnths is too little to know someone,common!!!!!.What worked for A may not work for B.I'd suggest you date him for atleast 6mnths/one year.It won't hurt to know him more would it??And pls don't take all this follow your heart advice serious...a thousand times I've followed my heart and it took me to a deep end.Seek counsel frm the word,forget how u feel and use your head.All this pple here encouraging you now won't live with you.Please apply wisdom......God's grace.Kyle
Why the rush darling? Hmm! Men pretend oo,even ladies do,u dnt knw him @ all..Two month pere, naaaaa, too short,@least Dec,Jan or feb.. Dnt let him hook you down oo..
No time for long thing true talk oo, buh 2months is just too short..let's be real mhen!
James is right,3yrs is not too much,and a year is nt too short too.. Na if dem don expire for house dem dey find nxt available flight.. + no too do shakara ko ma lo le ni le..lol
No time for long thing true talk oo, buh 2months is just too short..let's be real mhen!
Why the rush darling? Hmm! Men pretend oo,even ladies do,u dnt knw him @ all..Two month pere, naaaaa, too short,@least Dec,Jan or feb.. Dnt let him hook you down oo..
Exactly. My family friend have been married for 15 years now. They got married when sex was still a shameful thing to talk about. They started having sex 2 weeks after they met! He told me that for 6 months when he travelled abroad for a course he did not cheat on his wife and he hasn't cheated on his wife before..... Abeg duration does not matter! I don't believe in not having sex before marriage o! Imagine if the mans dick is too big or too small or he doesn't no how to satisfy me. Its your loss and God will not come down and help u.
thou i believe those who ask those stupid questions are those who are stil young and nt searching nt those who are in there late 30s who did nt even see someone to say to them marry me,my dear stay there when u clock 30 by then all d men wil run looking for under 20s then i wil knw what u wil do continue asking questions and let people opinion mislead u may i remind u that most of those people are stil young and dnt knw wat despirate old ladies at there 30s pass through,pls woke up and grab ur husband wt all ur stranght or let another girl take and marry him just within one day.
i courted my husband for 5 months before we got married.i dated my ex and first boyfriend for 5years and he just kept prosponing till he jilted me for another girl.my dear its not how far but how well and with God on your side. what works for A might not work for B
So true on d marriage has "no arithmetic formular
Please take your time,i met my ex in April,he proposed to me in June,moved in together in July,we already booked our registry wedding for October, called off our engagement in August.He was a green snake,Thank God i didn't get married to him
8months to a year,anything more than that is just an excuse to commit fornication.
my dear it really really matters ok
my dear it doe snot matter, so far u both love each other, i met my guy in April and we started talking well in july this year, our wedding is coming up in November. before him i dated a guy for 8 years and he never commited himself to me, each time ask him he will tell me " you are my wife now dont worry God will teach us how to go about it. when you see true love u will definately know, read a linda post about a man that was killed by his inlwa this man and his wife started dating right from school see what come out of it, long courtship is "bush shit" there is nothing in it the man will keep sleping with u and others without commitment. moreover Pastor E.A Adeboye advised 6 months, so my dear go ahead, 3 month is fine. i am happy with my new guy he is very proud of me.
You never know people until you really share a life with them as in bills, kids, responsibilities etc. no amount of courtship can prepare anyone for what life has in store. So just be strong, pray and handle what life and marriage brings with wisdom and dignity.
Yes it does matter. U get to know a little bout each other.
Naija women don't ask questions until it's too late. Naija women are blindfolded with material wealth or if you have potential to be wealthy. They will say yes. But honest speaking six months is enough but ask the right question
Depends on the individuals involved, my husband and I courted under 8 months and got married (arrangee sha) and we're currently in our 6th year of marriage and can't do without each other...
@Lilspicer said...who gives a fuck about your razz bold 5, liar na ppl like yu dey use techno smh
Please wait o! two months isnt even enough time for HIV to show up in your system. There is absolutely no need to rush into marriage. Even if your sure your going to marry him now, it doesnt mean that things cant change as quickly as they started. You have all the benefits to gain by waiting while you gain nothing by rushing into it. Take your time and see where it goes. If in one or two years you still feel the same then you can get married then and would have lost nothing. However, if you decide he is not for you, you would have dodged a bullet. Sounds to me like a win win!
Please wait o! two months isnt even enough time for HIV to show up in your system. There is absolutely no need to rush into marriage. Even if your sure your going to marry him now, it doesnt mean that things cant change as quickly as they started. You have all the benefits to gain by waiting while you gain nothing by rushing into it. Take your time and see where it goes. If in one or two years you still feel the same then you can get married then and would have lost nothing. However, if you decide he is not for you, you would have dodged a bullet. Sounds to me like a win win!
I would personally say it matters and then it doens't matter. It matters because it gives you more time to get to know your spouse hence preparing you a little bit more for the things you'll see in marriage. It is hard to see the true colors and characters of each other because i like to say the first year of dating is still the honeymoon stage and all is not revealed. But on the other hand it doesn't really matter because people do change and if you are for a fact 100% certain that he is the one and that you are ready to take whatever comes your way then by all means go ahead girl. But i always like to tell my friends, guys of nowadays are all about themselves and are quite different from the men of the previous generation when some couples got married within 6months and are still together today going strong. Remember it is going to be for better for worse and we definitely don't want a situation when you got married in a hurry only to get divorced and wishing you had waited just a little bit longer for the right man to come along or that you had been warned by somethings you saw in him about what to expect. It won't be your portion in Jesus name. Please pray about it and remember patience is a Virtue
D duration doesn't matter. My husband n I got married barely 6mths after our first date n nt dat we were frends b4 den. I also knw two oda pple hu got married in less dan a mth after dey first met. Our marriages r wonderful. U can't knw smbdy all d way
Not that there is any best time as relationship is a work in progress. However, in my opinion, if you are an adult who has come of age,KNOWS YOURSELF, and longs for the happiest, most valued, and most respected relationship to ever be in, I would say that 6 months is enough to court your mate provided both of you have the same values and well defined goals.
Otherwise, it's a waste of time trying to hang on only for you to wake up one day and realize that you have wasted 6 months of your life spending time with someone who drains and sucks the happiness out of you like marrow from a bone.
Folks, if someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room. When a man sees the woman that he wants to be with, 6 months is too much before he pops the question. Never waste your time, fight for a spot or sell yourself to someone who overlooks your worth.
Funny enough, we’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love, true love.
Life!!!!!
i knew a couple who got married after 10 years and failed....so you never know when the right time is....
but personally... i wouldnt even class a guy as my boyfriend after 3/4 months of dating. let alone consider marrying him because id feel as if i didnt know him.
dont let the wrong man tie u down so quickly just because you want to be 'married'...think about it yourself
I don't believe in a long courtship at all. Jesus is all that matters, once He is present, go ahead.
Check out African Sweetheart beautiful People! xx
http://africansweetheart.blogspot.co.uk/
People will tell u dat it doesn't matter but in reality it really matters. Why the rush? Take ur time so dat u don't make a mistake u will live to regret forever.
All the three C'z =DIVORCE if the God factor isn't dere....all those things fade away
Oponu u dint have to insult to make ur point.....everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion so go chop iceblock abeg....msheeeew
The Truth is you can never know each other fully no matter how long you court,Some marriages have broken up after 30yrs,all I ask is for you to keep praying to God for guidiance & Direction,Marriage is an instituition u wld keep learning about one another
Just like one person could be 'unlucky' doesnt mean d next ppple/persons would be...As a matter of fact haven't u seen peeps dat court for 'YEaRS' and still break-up?.Ma dear the length of ur courting doesn't have a 'meaningful' significance(in its real sense of significance)....dis is just a thingy of 'C-H-O-I-C-E
There is no hard and fast rule to the whole courtship, marraige et al. but u know wot dey say, 'wots worth doing is worth doing well'. infact me i dont know sha O!!
LOL@James above.
Met my hubby, got engaged in 2mths, wedding 6mths later. We've been married 3 yrs, a baby and bonny and clyding it out. When you know God, He makes it all clear.
Same thing happened with my parents and they have been married 35yrs now.
You can never really know a bf/gf, if you like date/court for 20 years. Marriage is a whole different dimension, and adds more to the plate.
There is no set time.
personally i think it matters. it is very important for you to know someone very well before you commit the rest of your life to them and likewise. knowing someone requires getting to be with them in different situations, lack, plenty, sick, healthy, angry, happy e.t.c. and this for some people might take a long time other short period of time.
i will say at least a year to know the guy coz it is very important. that is why some women get married and after a while it seems as thought the guy has chenged but he actually hasn't it just that situations have changed and you have never seen the side of him that deals with that situation.
most importantly, a lot of young people these days get into relationships with a guy for all the wrong reason, that is why a woman will be asking LIB readers if she should sell her engagement ring coz it looks cheap. is it the ring that will endure for better for worse or you? My dear pls just pray to God about it and if you do not feel comfortable with it just speak to your man about it and agree on something with God.
I don't mean to rain on your parade but what if you are not sexually compatible. If he has PE or something worse nko? Just wondering, seeing as you say you love sex and you are not exactly a virgin.
IMO that was early sha oh but if you both know what you want then rid on all the best
Dating for close to 7yrs n he Hasn't popped d question? Yet u two ve sex n all that..the point s he hasn't proposed yet so be more careful.duration of courtship doesn't matter cuz u both end up wastin each others time if it doesn't work out
I've been dating my BF 4 6years now,we knw each other through and through, we're good friends and all but to tell u d truth d sweetness is done...I just tolerate him and If he props d question I'm not sure I wanna marry him sef...its just wen u're in a relationship 4 a long time it becomes a routine and even if its wrong getting out and starting afresh may seem difficult. But if I meet a guy 2day and fall in love wit him and he props d question I'll marry him 2morrow if my heart says so. Its not how long darling....if U feel in ur heart dat its right, do it.
AnnyD
My dear, no matter how much you feel it in your heart that your fiancé is the right man, be patient enough for long courtship, say a year or thereabout. Use this time to know him more. You've got nothing to lose for a year while you study him.
Wat ithe babe is 38years old and met the guy,so she should court him for another 3years?then she will ß 41yrs and wedding and plans for close 2 one,by the time they get married she is 42..
Linda you didn't post my comment. I know the chick is based in Texas...boyfriend snatcher oshi...
Ur just an oke mkpi nna!
Tessa says...
Courtship matters! I married my husband 7 months after first meeting him. I'm now living in a nightmare. Fact is you cannot invest a courtship of mere months into a commitment of a lifetime. Its been 4 years and I'm still being surprised by aspects of his characer that have appeared. For example, if I miss a call or two from him he disappears for 2 or 3days. No explanations. He is highly emotional and I find that I cannot be free around him beacause he is easily annoyed. I don't like him. Its ridiculous and trust me men do not change. You cannot mould a man.
Its important for both of you to have an actual proven knowledge of each other's true character. And that can only be seen through experience. Meaning you have to go through stuff together. You shouldn't depend on niceness, quietness etc. And those his family members you've met? It doesn't really mean anything other than meeting them. All they want is for their son to seem happy. You are replaceable. This is Nigeria.
Knowing when you man will propose is a very deep question thats more than just what the eye sees. there are alot of things to consider before your man can propose.
I'm going to try to keep this short.
His Financial Status
His Friends
His Family
His Level in life
Why will you be dating a kid and expect him to propose? or why will you be dating someone that bearly feeds himself and you expect what he is thinking is getting married. The way most men think about Marriage is very different from the way ladies think about it and until the lady understand that, there might be a problem
Alot of ladies think they dont have anything to do when it comes to making their man propose to them willingly without being pushy or manipulative or without nagging him with marriage issues.
a lady has a lot to do when she wants her man to propose. their are carefully plan steps she can take and in not too long time, the man will thank her for letting him see things in that life and go down on one knee to say the 4 magic words she has being dying to hear "Will You Marry Me?"
I feel like I know this Texas boyfriend snatcher also. Weird. Lin Lin, post this o :)
5 years
i geez u must b an ibo gurl. Ds luks mor lyk 'arrangee' stuff in d sense dt d guy told his pple he nids a wife n u're recommended. He met n u lykd him. D families agreed n re already plannin d future. Hope he is based in naija cos if nt babe u re doomed. All dt glitters is nt gold. Tink wt ur head n nt ur hat. Dere is notin lyk 'he is d one'. It takes two to tangle. Marriage is all abt compatibility. Ur stents re his wiknes n vice versa dts y 1+1=1. Gud luck
U guys r talking abt d girl ... Wht abt d guy ... Wht if d girl change frm bring a good girl etc
Babe, people change O°˚˚˚ . Wait for a while before getting married. Pressure reveals who we truly are. Don't be deceive, the first phase of any relationship is always sweet but time will tell. I wish you all the best if you are convinced that he is the one but no say I know warn you.
No matter how long a courtship is ,u cant know everything about ur partner,,,some people are good in deceits..u start knowing the real person u married after u say I DO.....if u cant know everything about ur partner in a year or two,,,how do u want to know most things in just a short while???if u ask for my opinion,the duration is too short.......he may seem so perfect now cos he wants u.U're not living with him yet,do u know his imperfections/shortcomings?are they things u can change?if u cant change them,are they things u can live with for the rest of ur life?its better to take a little more time now to know him more than rush into marriage and get to know/see things u never saw before or probably expected.if ur courtship is a little longer and u feel u cant cope with him,its better u quit the relationship than have a broken home.........be wise and prayerful as u make ur decision!!!
Success of the marriage depends on A LOT more than the duration of courtship. That said, I personally can't marry a man I haven't courted for at least a year. I've been friends with my partner for 4 years and we've been courting for 2. Over the years I've grown and changed a lot and so has he. I'm glad I didn't marry him 4 months in. You can do it as you want babe, just make sure you're going in reasonably sure of your decision.
Chei!!This is a very bad idea. Its these types of courtship that we later hear the man is a wife beater, already married, a gambler alcoholic or worse. You are wearing rose tinted glasses. You dont really know him so you cant say he is the one. You sound desperate to get married. Please wait at least 12 months. If he is the one, it will last.
I have a couple friends that got married in exactly 3months, like this one case. It's been good since 2009 and will always be.
Life has its way of being unfair; we all have our share of the goods and bads even if we courted for 2years before marriage...there are a lot of those types too.
Marriages are unique; individuals concerned are success-factors too and God is a key factor in marital success.
I wish them best of the wedlock.
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