We are not talking about relationships here, we are talking about marriage. Does it matter? Please share your thoughts.
Thursday 2 February 2012
Question of the day: Would you marry a man who earns far less than you?
We are not talking about relationships here, we are talking about marriage. Does it matter? Please share your thoughts.
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161 comments:
No I won't! Men are Cray.....I Can't!
First of all, a lady earning one mill a month is just outrageous.. As such the man mite be somehow intimidated.. But then again if there is mutual understanding and guy is ok in all other aspects.. I dont see why not. And yes! Can marry him.
scratching my head... this is hard ooo! 1mil to 75k??
It has to be the voice of God leading anyone into that marriage cos He alone knows the end before it begins.. And His ways are not our own.. Sounds tough but with God nothing shall be impossible.. It just has to God anything else will be trouble!
#Shalom
Because his earning a lil now doesn't mean he won't earn more later, does he have prospects is the ?, can he take care of you is another, those are the questions you should ask urself deep down nd if u know the answers dont gork yourself
75K a month ya but no job and no dime to his name HELL NO
I'm a guy and I think a real man would want to make more money than his wife, but if the wife earns more but doesn't announce it, the guy may not really mind.
Eem I fink it does. Cos sooner or later, its gonna cause serious issues, especially on the guys ego. So, no. Don't fink I can marry a man that earns FAR LESS than I do. But then again if u n ur husband UNDERSTAND urselves, it mite , MITE just work.
Well,2 me as a person I wodnt kar if my husband earn less dan I do...provided he is not jealous of my being richer dan him.....
na him go kill u na....N1M a month - N75,000???? JEALOUSY, BEEF
u just take ur hand dig ur own grave....eg titi arowolo & co and that Victoria Abuja matter
I will never do it....earm more than I do or make more than I do = marriage apart from that sorry no marriage
Not advisable!!!
Inferiority complex can make the guy kill the lady later in life.
This is Nigeria alot of men will frustrate their wives because based on the salary, the woman becomes the bread winner of the home, and even if the man has prospects, dosent the woman? If he start making cash she too will also improve, b4 he starts earning 1mill she would be earning 50mil, so I won't support it, am a guy , a man shld be able to support his family, if his wife is richer it shld be 100k diff or 200k not 900k diff. The man shld go and hustle.
Well what we need to look out for here is PROSPECT. If dude has got a qualification to earn say 500k wit d right connections,there shouldn't be a problem. Where I sense trouble is their level of reasoning n exposure if d guy is limited with how far he can go cuz of education.
It won't work!
I can't marry a man i earn more than,with the kind of person i am i don't think i can
Naaaah,can't marry a man dat earn lesser that men,it can't work and won't work
I won't do that, I mean marry a man that earns FAR LESS than I do. If you don't know it men usually let go of women that were by their side in their most vulnerable time. Earning FAR LESS than me will make him feel very vulnerable.
All this cheap talk of Ego bla bla bla.....look even if a woman earns more should not border a real man as far as he will care for the woman within his capability...and if she respects him that should not be an issue @ all, there have been many instances of woman earning more than their man Bill Clinton when he was president , Hilary earned more than him then even Tony Blair as well...so this is the 21 century pple... She needs to shot up without blaming outside and just respect him same way a pepper seller will respect her man that is a Bus Driver and there will be peace..hehehehehehehe Linda Kudos for this topic as its really commom these days...
This question has probably received considerable debate in recent years and this is most likely due to the recent male/female reversal role in earning power.In the good old days way way back,men were the breadwinners.They were hunters,farmers etc and took care of their wives and children.The women took care of the home front.THOSE DAYS ARE GONE!!!!Now women go to school, advance and improve themselves and so are in the forefront earning good bucks and being as competitive and even more so than their male counterparts.Now putting rhetorics aside would I marry a man who earned way less than me,the answer is NO NO NO!I wont.And I say this categorically cos i was in a similar situation before i got married.Nice suitors got about 5 all talking marriage(yeah well i am pretty,a medical dr,come from a good home,good manners,hardworking, a bit stubborn:)),but i had all the traits that men look for in a wife to be so don't hate:))However when it came to the crunch i had to choose between 2.One earned way way more than I did and the other earned far far less than me.The rest is history,suffice it to say I am noew married to Mr I can take care of you for the rest of your life.lollllllllllll.Marriage has all its attendant stresses,there are bound to be quarrels,arguments,etc why would any woman enter with her eyes open a partnership that would be fraught with financial issues?puhhhleassse ladies a real mann will hustle and want to earn more,he needs to earn more.It is an ego thing for a real man.But all said and done if he's got the potentials to earn more in the nearest future well...i dunno for those who get mind go ahead.Me i no fit and i didn't.Good luck to all #idonwakago#
i think it matters a lot. if not at the beginning of your marriage but in the middle or end. lol. some men cannot handle the thought of earning far less than their wives. and we all know about men and their egos....
No!!!even when a lady is not pronouncing dat she earn more thru her actions at Home.The Man will always feel inferior and nt secured.
i cannot marry a man who earns far less than me
Men and their fierce pride! this is a really hard decision. The next minute he'll start blaming his wife's doing on her salary just because of his insecurities. I wouldn't want to be in a marriage that I'll have to babysit my man's feeling all the time because of his ego so I'll pass on this one. But you never know though, love makes us do crazy things so then again...
Firstly, lemme congratulate u Linda 4 ur blog! Well, regarding ur poser, I think it's a very difficult one bt wth God its possible. All dat's required is love and undastanding, odawise, sooner or later ego wud set in. Naturally, men are entrusted wth providing 4 d family, when d reverse bcomes d case, d woman takes d drivers seat and as such, dictates 2 d man which in turn leads 2 crack in marriage. Ideally, it's not right 4 a lady 2 marry a man whose earnings is far less dan hers except God's intervention!
Let me be sincere now. Based on the kinda person i am, i dont think i'll want to try that. Its either i ride him or i nag him to death.
Not becos i am mean hearted, but becos i am a very tough person and if i am the bread winner of the family, its the guy i fear for not the fact that he might kill me later in life due to jealousy or beef.
But if the guy can handle me with love and understanding, i aint got a problem with being the breadwinner so far he's not sitting his behind at home waiting for me to go look for chow. 75k to 1 million is better than 1 million to nothing!
Linda u are obviously the one in this predicament. I just hope all these ur negative readers wont give you bad advice!! Ehn ehn i talk am......i never type finish and see wht the first comment is. Truth be told, that BS about men being the bread winner of house is played out. Marriage is a partnership, every one should provide their share according to their income. Its pretty simple as long as you both understand and love your selves. But then again most times it doesnt work for ever cos woman start to disrespect men even if they earn just one naira more than him! S my advice is simple...if you love and understand him, you can marry knowing he has potential and then support him till the point he makes more money than you then after that, pray he doesnt change cos u know money changes people. Its all a gamble! Then again life is generally a gamble so do as you want. However, a lot of women make more money than their bfs and still marry them without issues. Thats my advice. Love and understanding and prayer...shikenah!
No! Because he'll always feel intimated & try to resist me, or use my money to cheat on me with other girls. Besides, a man who goes after a lady who is richer than him is a gold-digger.
Well no condition is permanent, things could change for the better with God but it's always advisable to marry someone who can guarantee you security. Plus on the mans side he may not feel like a man later on because I feel men have this ego in them to just be a man.
There is nothing bad in marry a man who earns far less than woman. Marriage is not based on money it is LOVE, if there is love between the partner the marriage will work and nobody will know their financial status. In everything woman should seek for the God direction, if God said she should go ahead why waiting, we only know today but God knows tomorrow, who can tell how tomorrow will be? It is only God. Just leave everything for the one who holds life and do His will.
HELL NO!!! the marriage will definitely fail, men have 2 much ego....btw what ll a babe earning 1million be doing with a man dt earns 75k? except they were high school sweethearts or something. Any guy that goes for such a lady is definitely a gold digger and u cant tell me otherwise.
Presently, i am dating a guy and i earn FAR more than him,he has prospects and we are working hard to change that status.but if he eventually, he does not put all his best, and it doesnt happen, im out.i cant go ahead and marry him. marriage is much more than love,respect and all the rest. my own opinion tho...its not the law.
I would say it is advisable for a woman to marry a man more financially stable than she is. This is due to the fact that it is the man responsibility to look after his woman and children. A man will get comfortable and complacent if the woman does all the struggling for the family and by the time the woman gets fed up, you wont be able to change him the only option will be for you to pack your bags. Also, men easily forget, so if you think by buying all the luxuries for him will keep him keen, you are simply kidding yourself. He will use your hard earned money to catch other girls.....
Don't even go there. There will be problems in the future especially if he doesn't up his game.
Why things like this always an issue especially amongst Nigerian/black women beats me! U let loose ur ego once money is involved. Pride, self respect etc are thrown in the gutters by the sound of money. It disgusts me it makes me puke! You wonder why u only feel that air of pride only in blacks generally even though they come least in everything. Why u cant fall in love without factoring ur partner's finances into it beats me. God bless the western world for the doctrine of self independence. And God bless Michelle for dumping that bastard even with his money. Dont even even worry urslf about who Michelle is she should be a demi god amongst ur black ladies. For the benefit of doubt, she is a friend that did what most of u black ladies wouldnt have done. Lazy ass bitches
Hell No. marriage alone is hard, why will i want to add financial stress to it. Truth is no matter how much you love a man eventually it all boils down to one thing. every woman likes to be taken care of. no matter if you earn 5m a month. you will want a man who can occasionally take control. In this day and age of men killing their wives over money. please i dont want to die yet.
Well, am a Man and I WILL NOT, CANNOT, MUST NOT and CAN NEVER even THINK of that, let alone marry a Woman that earns more than I am, that's why am hustling with every thing have got and also with God helping me. Ha Helloooooooo. No go there ooooo.
@February 2, 2012 9:45 AM what do you mean outrageous? so what would you call me that earns close to 2 miilon a month i wonder!!!
anyway linda back to the question; provided he would be ready to upgrade himself after marriage as the difference is really clear and some men are really greedy. I would give him a chance with caution....
for the man that has no job, why would you be after a woman who earns 1 million in the 1st place ehhh?
All these people blabbing, if you meet the right person you won't even mind if you are earning way more than him, as long as he is earning a reasonable amount and has prospects of getting way better in the future.
As a Man, I WIIL NOT, CANNOT, MUST NOT and WILL NEVER think of it, let alone marry a Woman that earns far more than I do. That's why I am hustling with everything have got, from energy, certificates, knowledge, ideas etc., with God helping me. Ha, helllloooooo, i no dey for trouble oooo. No go there oooooo. I no wan hear say my yam no done ooo.
lets be real ! you can ! it is easy to over look the finacial aspect of marriage if your man is faithful, respects you , loving , protects you and a good father . Mine earns little and i earn 500k but we have never quarelled for a day .In marriage money is just one of the many challenges you have to face together.Note ladies i said if he treats you right not if he is the wicked type.
Sure, if he has a job but earn far less than i do, i can marry, but if he doesn't have a job at all, biko i cannot shout
LADIES PLEASE DONT TRY IT
KOLA, JOBLESS KILLED HIS WIFE;
A TAXI DRIVER KILLED HIS BANKER WIFE, AND THE STORY CONTINUES.
DO U WANT TO BE THE NEXT ONE? SHA I WISH U WHAT U WISH URSELF.
GUDLUCK
LINDA, U BETTER FIND ONE ARISTO AND JAZZ HIM 2 LEAVE HIS WIFE COS IF U THINK SAY ALL THESE YOUNG RICH LAGOS CHAP MGO LOOK UR WAY FOR KEEPS, NA LIE.
THE BEAUTIFUL ONES R NOT YET BORN SEF
NA JOKE I DEY JOKE OOO.
BUT SINCERELY, STOP LOOKING AT MONEY AS A WAY OF MEASURING A GUY TO SETTLE DOWN WITH. A REAL MAN WOULD ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF HIS WIFE.
Hmmmm...this is like saying, will you marry a man who doesn't have a job?. The gap is just too wide! It will be foolhardy of a woman that earns that much to marry a guy with that stipend seriously. The chic may see it as nothing from the onset but Mehn, things dey change ESP in marriages of our time. Mores, how is this guy in question going to feel all the days of his life with this woman knowing he practically contributes nada in there marriage which is essentially what makes a man happy and in control in any relationship! So for me it is a no no with this margin! If it was a lil difference, I wouldn't bother so long as whatever he earns takes care of us and then my lil overage will be used for some spontaneous adventures *winks*
I will since no one knows tomorrow especially if the guy's future is bright as in being educated. better still, if he is into business i can be helping his business to grow. Nothing is difficult when there is love and understanding
This question sounds suspicious. Aunty Linda are you dating a 75k per month guy? Cos i know ur earnings are close to 1m per month.
I wont linda and pls dont... guys have bad inferiority complex.. dont let him kill you cos of envy o! get someone who is almost on ur level. My 2 cents
Biko, neva! Over my dead body. For wetin now? No be by force to marry.
DONT !!! NEVER!!!!!
IT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE! HE WILL KILL YOU......
HELL NO!!! Mr 1st bf is that type, dude thought I'm ATM machine. I had to run. Poor me collecting from my parents and him begging me for money and claiming he is hustling. It was irritating life out of me. I kept pretending till I broke my silence.
I can't imagine that to be marriage. God no go gree.
Pls cn u xplain wat u mean by 'a lady earning one milli a month is outrageous'b4 i conclude dt u b mumU
Linda!!!i dont even bother to read the news..but you articulacy is superb,hillariuos.keep it up.
Linda, based on personal experience, i advise against it. I was naive enough to think that with love and understanding all will be well. It never got better, the guys always feel intimidated and insecure and this usually leads to a breakdown of the relationship eventually.
When I wz going out with my hubby, none of us had a job but we had hope of a better tomorrOw. Fortunately I was d first to get a good paying job. I Helped him get A loan to start his biz. Today we are married with 3 beautiful children and a veRy happy home. I couldn't have gone dt road if there was no love between us. Mind u , midway in our marriage, I lost my job and wz unemployed for 6 months. That trying period, he took care of the home, we were happy cos there was love in d family. He is doing very well nw and I still have a good job too. My advice, marry for love. When there are prospects, don't determine the future with d present. I am so enjoying my marriage, I thank God everyday dt I didn't marry all d so called eich dudes coming for marriage then. Happiness matters more than money. Money will eventually come
Infact,ur head dey dere.u said it all.dt 1st questn is wat u shld ask ursef 1st *does he av prospects*
no way can't settle for less
i will not advise a lady to marry that kind of man,because take it from me i am a married woman and men get intimidated and will feel less a man when d wife is more successful than they are,u cannot take the ego from the man.
Annoymous 01.18AM.I choose 2 disagree wit ur belief dat men always let go of women dat stood by them wen tins were rough.I went thru dat n nw am happy 2 say am engaged 2 b marrid dis year 2 d same guy.u shld neva generalise.
Dont try it !
NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!He has to look for his likes.
If a man get this kin offer from our 9ja woman,dat man shud run 4 his dear life,unless he ready to watch undies.
well if a guy ends less or a lady ends more. Let me speak 4rm wot i ve observed d man will b a pillow while d woman will be d head on d pillow. It depends on how to control ur mind n ur money. Y i said so let ur money not get in d way n b smart abt it. Sm stupid guy will want 2 leech on it lk a f**k*** parasite instead of him to see as a challenge 2 move fwd n sm guys will act lk dumb dumb bringing their yeye ego as d topic.... Well this kind of situation i will say its 4 mature minds... Luv u guys...
After reading most of the comments, what's making me smh is that Nigerians are naturally evasive! More than half of the comments are by "Anonymous". I mean, put ur 1st name or a nickname. I tire for my people and their backward mentality.
Other way around would you marry a woman earn farless than you do, if the answer is yes why not for the man. it as to do with the mutual and understand and knowing the person you marry to sometime people change for good or bad both man and woman.a real husband not full-time husband like some of my naija brother in U.k will never stay in the married. as my mum use to say a dead man is better than a lazy man staying at home for the wife to make a living why he stay on is bed sleeping. Linda iam a man i will not, i can not. a real man should earn more than a woman
Wow! Pls am a lady oh, with a BSC in Economics and MSC in International Business. I need a job that pays 2million a mnth. Ladies pls help out o,as I saw someone here already earns 2mill amd above.
i dated s guy that earns less than me. he broke up with me because of that reason (something about his male pride and all that crap). i tried dating another man that just finished his masters frm UK (and he gave me the same male pride thing)
will i marry a man that i earn more than? i cant answer it with all certainity. but as at today, the ans is HELL NO!!!! i have been there. men and their stupid pride
Please let's be realistic.
If I'm earning 200K monthly and he's earning 50K, how we go chop, pay rent (for dis Abuja) etc?
It's a tough call. He might have prospects but what if they never materialize?
Its hard 2 see a real man nowadays srry if i stepped on any toes. In a genuine marriage there is no she wealth or moi wealth d word becomes plural our wealth. If a "real man" sees that his wife makes more its no room 4 intimidation its only room for improvements a way to wrk together as a pair 4 d future of their nuclear family. A real woman will now humble hersef b4 her hubby to mk him knw he is d boss n d money belongs to d family newly established, n use powerful tools lk love, communication, trust, understanding wiv d help of God. Trust me its not easy @ d beginning but if u do these I assure u, u will never go wrong. At 1 point in time i was richer than moi hubby, nobdy knew but today we thk God he is richer than me. Pls stay away 4rm bad relatives n bad friends that give u advice 2 ur untimely demise. It takes a mature mind to deal with situations lk this. A real man wont b intimidated but use it as step to learn hw 2 b wealthy n successful 4rm his partner n also a real woman will not carry it on d head lk a market seller she will humble hersef b4 her man
Linda,
You should know that water get levels and coat get sizes. See, if you do that in the name of love, in the long run the man will not understand it that way. He will want to exercise his authority and want to control every event at home in terms of money. And if you (the Lady) fails to oblige, then you see yourself being battered and possibly killed!
Ladies should look up to the class nature has placed them and pray to get a match! It is total and arrant nonsense of a love cos at the end of it all you lost out when you have been used and most especially lost your pride as a woman!
Ted Philips
Some guys earn far less but it does not show on them...cos they carry themselves very well and they also have good prospects because they strive to improve themselves. So, sure. Such guy wouldn't be a bad choice. But ladies before you walk down the isle, make sure the guy truly loves you for YOU and not for your FAT bank account. And if the guy is JOBLESS, let him get a decent JOB first else, in his idle state he may become a BOXER and turn u into his PUNCHING bag. Lol.
If d salary wud b ano issue, switch jobs na!
E no get wetin no go cause wahala!
Nway, as for me, I cn comfortably marry a guy wif little or no income.
Love endures all tins, hopes for all tins etc!
Darris all!
depends on the situation.
i am currently engaged to a guy who is doing his housemanship (medical doctor), our engagement in in august. After housemanship he still needs to do nysc! Meanwhile, I work in investment banking as an expat and earn an equivalent of 850k once u convert. My guy is on 30k a month, lol. NO JOKE! But he is handsome, incredibly brilliant, loving and God fearing. He is from a popular home but would not take a kobo from his father. Im quite happy now to be the big earner, I know however in 5yrs, that wont be the case. Because I trust him, My salary will go to him and he will simply give me what I need for my hairdressing/spa visits, my dinner with the girls etc. He will give me food allowance etc (even tho technically it is my money, it will not be treated as such) Im prepared to take on this role in order to ensure our future is comfortable so that by the time our kids are young, I can stay home and run a business or something. Its not his fault nigeria pays them crap, but with the right prospect and position, the sky is our limit. I love him and he’s my future baby daddy. The lack of money now doesn’t mean a thing to me.
It can work in some cases with genuinely good men. However, in majority of cases, even if you genuinely fall in love with a guy like this and get married, as a man, his pride is bound to be dented and no matter how loving and submissive you may be or try to make him understand that you love him warts n' all, his insecurities and resentment will eventually ruin the marriage. As someone said here, who wants to spend their entire marriage babysitting a man's feelings? God knows why he created man first and declared him to be the HEAD of his family...so a man should be a man. My 2 cents.
nope, can't do that. personally i dont mind, but my man's gonna start having ego problems later. that always strains marriages, i can date a man like that o, but marry... hian!
ehn ehn...then he'll kill me cos of money??? that seems to be the trend nowadays!!!! lol
in dis case, there wouldn't av being an issue, but to av a second tot, men are something else, even after d woman is going to b everything in dat house, yet d man still went further by cheating on dat same woman who is like carring d whole load of the house, at dis point dn't u think there'll b problem? is only God dat helps so one shd seek God and b ready to bear any circumstances dat will follow it. and moreso, one day when misunderstanding arises, mennnnnn d man will JEALOUS, by using dat against d woman. so my own is: if d woman can stand what comes bcos of love, let her go but if not let her withdraw b4 is too late. But for me am into it and i can tell u is not easy, mind is not even walking for 8 years now, though we love each other but atimes he'll say bcos am working. and i dnt like hearing dat 4rm him sha.
Actually, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. If the man meets my mental, physical , social and spiritual standard. However the problem is usually the men who have so much ego and cant deal with it in the long run.....reading meaning into every thing that happens...ranging from insecurity to outright jealousy. so in the final anaylsis i would not advise it. please stick to ya level.
Linda, Good question for the NOW. Well, March this yr will make me 6yrs in marriage. when i met my husband, i was earning more than him, after then he chose to be on his own & he still doesn't earn as much as l do but we still live a very wonderful, & great married life.
So give me my kind of husband all over again & i'll choose him all over cos he makes up in all other areas.
So, access your OWN situation & then decide what's best for YOU & not others or what society expects. lts your happiness that COUNTS.
Ko JOOR.........
No!!! For personal reasons.
I wouldn't mind if he's ok with it but the truth is that he wouldn't be, I understand men and their ego thing,so it will cause major problems.
People and the society seem to frown at it as well.
Secondly,I sincerely don't know how I will act if I am richer cos I've never been in that situation so i think its better not to try.
I have not heard or seen a family in this situation work,so it seems its impossible to be genuinely happy in this situation!
Kudos!!! Like I always tell people, a doctor will eventually pick some good cash if he knows what he is doing, d only problem is, it takes some years, say 8yrs post graduation and above. Yeah, I know cos I'm a doctor too. But 30k/month for housemanship??? I strongly doubt dat cos even a remote hospital in d village will pay better than that, not to talk of federal hospitals that pay as much as...well enough to get him a very, very decent car after housemanship.
Money/material is just one aspect of a marriage. Even if the man was the richer partner there still won't be a guarantee of a succesful marriage. Marriage also has to do with intellectual and spiritual(will to power) compatibility. Most importantly, Marriage is a partnership; if your husband doesn't feel like your partner in everything then you might have chosen the wrong person. Your poorer husband might end up giving you ideas for your business that'll take your profits from 1million to 20million in two months. It's about a man you're attracted to, intellectually, spiritually and physically. Money passes through hands everyday; anyone can become a millionaire overnight. To simplify, if you're an independent woman, I advise you to marry a man who fits you AND your business/goals at the same time. One of the beauties of being an independent woman is that you can choose your husband; you don't have to wait for a man to choose you.
LINDA AM SURE THAT KING OF GUY IS TOOSTING YOU...BUT FOR ME I NO DO
I ACTUALLY CAN TO BE HONEST.....NA LIE OOOO
Am a young woman & I know that wealth can develop wings & fly. For me, his qualities rank more than his present financial status. What if this rude Shell guy looses his job barely 1yr after the marriage, meanwhile the gentle civil servant guy I ran away from is now a wealthy bizman making over 5mil a month. Change is the only constant thing in life. However, if I am getting married to a guy who earns far less than I, we must come up with a M.O.U that would state that: "the Husband shall perform his duty as the breadwiner by providing 70% of monthly home upkeep, while the wife shall support her husband as a helpmate by contributing the remaining 30%. Any financial dispute arising in this marriage shall be resolved in court... I NO DEY JOKE! If he barks off then I'ld be sure he was after my money. If it's wise to protect yoursel with an MOU when entering into bizness partnership, it would equally be wise to have an MOU when entering into marriage partnership which ought to be for life. Marriage is an institution where two CANNOT walk together UNLESS THEY AGREE.
@anon3:16, im not even joking. 30k a month and that isnt even paid regularly. luckily he does private consultations and is able to earn more but sometimes, i do for him what i never thought id ever do for any man, giving money etc. i feel for him, working crazy shifts, passionate and broke but i know his future is bright. i believe God blessed me today to bless him. everything happens for a reason if you trust in God.
i think the question should be 'would youmarry a woman who earns far more than you?' because women are down to whatever as long as the man is self confident irrespective of whatever and a good husband and father.
Anonymous posters @ 10.38am, 10.43am, 10.56am - make God bless una for the true tok wey una don write for here!
I am laughing in Sancrit o! Chei, women will cry for equality on one hand then don't want it on the other when it comes to certain things.
People, marrige is not so black and white...there are many grey areas. The concerns of two people getting married should be their compatibility, shared values/ethics/morals and the love, respect and trust in the relationship. IF you don't have all those things in tact, I don't care if the woman makes $10mil a month and the man makes N5k a month or vice versa, the marriage will NOT work full stop, comma no dey dere!
Having said that, I am not saying that financial matters are not important in marriage because it like sex is crucial to a marriage BUT it all depends on how the couple who should be partners deal with it and each other. If the man is making a concerted effort to move up at his job, to build on and create opportunities for himself, if he is contributing his share according to wetin him fit do, wetin be the wahala? It is about the family unit moving up TOGETHER, no be all dey go the same pot? E matter who put wetin as long as you are taking care of business in your house old? So we go siddon dey count "you put 1, I put 1...you put 2, I put 2? Na marriage be dat or na accounting office?
If a man LOVES a woman and shows it in more ways than just being able to provide a Hummer and a 1 Trillion Naira home, he is kind, understanding, loving, gentle, faithful, a help mate, a confidant, a friend, a lover I will take that over a rich lying, cheating, scoundrel who is whooping my nyash from Ajah to Maryland, Ikeja go reach for Lekki.
Let me ask all the ladies protesting, if you didn't make a dime or say you only make N75k a month (using Linda's figures) and your husband made all the money BUT every day he hounds you about not your fair share, you for like am? I think not!
The same people saying they wouldn't marry a man who makes less than them are the same people who will abuse a man if he says he wouldn't marry a woman who looks a certain way...what is the difference? You are still not choosing to marry a person for intrinsic reasons having to do with their character but for superficial reasons!
Concern yourself with how a man treats you and not what he is providing - materials wealth is NOT everything. Put God first in seeking a mate not check book balances.
M.K.O Abiola...didnt have a dime. And his wife, Simbiat took him thorough, fed him, clothed him, made love to him, cooked for him...until he was one the biggest black moneybags on this Earth.
In-fact there is one of his stories, that he first ate boiled/fried eggs at her house.
Love has nothing, to do with money.
I cant believe how many people here are commenting about bread. This is why marriages break down - because the emphasis is on bread - not compassion. Marriage is the same word as Sacrifice. Signed: 1974
No lady will ever agree to marry a man that earns lower or a jobless man. But have you people consider a situation where by the man looses his job after the marriage may be some months or year after the marriage, what will u do? Whenever we are reacting to questions like we, instead of saying "No way, i cant" we should simply respond by saying God will not let it happen to us.For Ladies that are desperate for marriage, of course she wont mind someone that earns lower or even jobless.
And by the way, Linda baby, more Questions of the day like this...
Signed; 1974
ANONYMOUS FEB 2, 2012, 11.37 AM. YOU ARE MY KIND OF WOMAN.PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE. I AM ON 80K 100K THOUGH...TODAL77@YAHOO.COM
i guess u are d one faced wit d predicament Linda. well, my two cents is this; pls don't unless you are sure that the guy is not marrying u for ur money. The only way to be sure is to have an MOU before marriage. You will never give or loan him money. He will take up 60 or 70% of d responsibilities at home while u take up d rest. All your monies and any acquired properties go to your children. If he is happy with this arrangement, then go ahead. but my guess is that , he will scram! had such an experience. d guy started asking me for loans as if I was the CBN and didn't want to ever pay back. This is a man who gave me a 4 year head start as a salary earner. d dude got greedy after I made d mistake of telling him my salary after I changed jobs. Wat do you think I did? I showed him d door! No man worth his salt would ever want his woman to pick up the bill.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I married a jobless man out of love. 3 years later he's still jobless and because I'm broke but still hustling. Ladies, being broke is not a crime but when a man depends on you for shelter all the way to his toilet paper, you need to leave or open a secret bank account. If you're a man and have no means of looking after a woman then don't get married.
@READ THIS, I am so, so sorry for you. Your man is really taking you for a ride. I am a doctor too and I can tell you that even though doctors may not earn as much as they should, there is NO house officer anywhere in Nigeria that is earning 30k. He is lying to you so that you can keep on feeling sorry for him and giving him money and buying things for him. My sister, wake up and smell the coffee.The guy don hammer with you big time.
Linda, i am married to a man with no job and i leave abroad..i have always made it clear that money shouldn't be the bases for our love hence when i visit him i tender all my moving to him, but the truth is whenver we have a little misunderstanding he brings up the "oh becuase i dont have a job attitude". we love each other no doubt and he can take a bullet for me...is just that no matter how much u claim u love each other there would still be some whole...so in conclusion, if u r patient like me and can tolerate those "oh becuase i dont have a job attitude" then u should be fine and dont reply him when he says that o, coz if u do trouble don come be that...just let him talk and do the listening, then go close to him and rub is head and tell him how much u love him and that ur money is nothing com[pared to his love...and then all will be well...am talkiing from experience o
@READ THIS!!! I did not want to tell the lady that so I don't bring strain into her relationship. Like I commented earlier, am a dr. too and I doubt that 30k/month story, it can go as low as 50/60k, but 30 is just too low and difficult to comprehend but not IMPOSSIBLE. And I sincerely wonder why a brilliant guy should be working in such a hospital wen there are FMCs and teaching hospitals all over the place where he can earn very good cash. But don't doubt your man, maybe he is there earning that low for the sole purpose of learning surgical skills which is a good thing too..just maybe sha. All d same, wish u the best of luck.
There is no way I would marry a man that even earns a couple of thousands less than me...lailai.I wont even date one for that matter that earns less.
I hoPe he is being honest with his earnings and doesnt just see u as a sugar mummy o
Pls remind me how many wives he married after her.......
Love aside..coming from the same social background and having genuine potential..is better than using money to evaluate suitability..'cos one day he would make way...
Look around you there in 9ja..how many so called women married to rich men are happy..see them at those big functions looking miserable as fuck..probs haven't seen a dick in years..
Naijja women are worse for this..so many single now outplayed themselves and now have no suitors always in church praying for any man after stupid yeye posing...now that boys are smiling you want us to jump on outdated pompous azz!!..look at other races they appreciate the real meaning of a what makes for a good relationship!!
Hmn,it's not very healthy unless the relationship is well grounded in love;Currently my uncle's wife whom he trained earns more than him and she's threathening a divorce and even planning to elope with the kids abroad simply because he doesn't match her new status.You can see what happens the table turns around
@Chichiluv
My type of woman..loving the comment..now that's a real woman talking..guess there's still hope..that is there are some well grounded 9jas ladies still out there..
Linda, truth be told its hard but at d same time nothing is impossible. My concern is this, assuming u are both married d guy is earning 75k and maybe d lady earns 50k. But things get better for d lady along d way and she starts earning 1mill per month? In this case what would she do? Remember they are married.
YIMU!!!! What's ur profession?! Mcheew abeg jor !
@ READ THIS
My hubby and i are doctors,he worked in Naija,i didn't.There is no way a house doctor earns 30k.BIG FAT LIE,IMPOSSICANT!!!lowest he can earn while doing his house job is 100k and i am being quite economical with the figure.Please ask fellow house officers,my hubby is screaming here.
It is in nysc anyone can claim that amount and get away with it.
I believe you are being lied to for reasons best known to your fiance.Please,open your eyes and don't be blinded..
Private hospitals pay like 40-60k minimum.
I am in no way inferring that you should stop pandering to his whims oo,i am just telling you that he must be operating under the my wife must not know the salary i earn logo.OR you are simply an ocean of money and he sees no need to spend his.
I just had to comment after seeing how you are giving him money and co.
GOOD LUCK OO.You will need it.
loool! he doesnt need to lie to me, because of where he is posted he doesnt have internet connection. i do all his online banking for him. 50k, 30k, o, do you really think that's a reason to lie? a 20k difference? pls i can spend that in one afternoon at BNaturalSpa so please dont be cheap. if ur talking a 100k difference then maybe i'll even listen. even if you want to save that 20k every month for a year, 240k? should i tell you how much my last trip to dubai cost? loool.
i don't expect you to understand seeing as how money conscious you must be. even with what he earns, i get the most beautiful and thoughtful gifts from him. he listens to me, he remembers everything i say. he goes that extra mile to make me happy. he's my other half and no damn salary can change that. i dated guys that rode bentleys etc, i know how that life is. im from a middle class home but went to very posh schools. i have very rich friends and not so rich friends, my parents raised me to focus on contentment. thats what anyone who is getting married needs to consider.
if he pulls a fast one, do you really think im the loser or him? i have earning capacity any which ways, but the guilt and karma can last with him a lifetime and destroy him. i aint worried guys and if ur in love, neither should you.
like i said, we get married this summer.
Ends?!? -----_---
YIMU!!!! What's ur profession?! Mcheew abeg jor !
@ Read this,
I am happy my fellow doctors have told you the truth.
I had to look for the CONMESS salary scale for payment of medical doctors for you cos you are being played big time.I beg you to reconsider your plan to give him all your money and then ask for an allowance.If you wana play santa,you can deposit 400 or 500k into the family account and save some for yourself for rainy days.
Doctors especially with the newly approved conmess are relatively comfortable
applicable to those working with federal health institutions and with some state goverments who have approved it
also docs workin in reputable private units/research/academia/Ngos
fresh medical graduate(intern) 180k per mnth
junior resident jst after nysc (260k per mnth)
senior reident (320k per mnth)
consultant starts from 800per mnth plus honorarium if u double as a lecturer i.e in unn oau unilag et all
culled from nairaland.http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-3022.224.html
This is one concrete reason why some rich n famous ladies in our societies today finds it difficult to get husband. . .civilization. .
No way!!!I will now be trying to deal with someonelse's subdued Ego. Mathematically, 1million:75thousand is ratio 13:1. The lady who says she doesnt mind being 13 times wealthier than her husband is either deceiving herself or is ignorant of the marital implications. Money is needed to make decisions, who has the money? who makes the decisions? There shall be fightings o!!!
No No No, a thousand times No!
@February 2, 2012 12:56 PM you are very funny and yes i am the lady that commented earning close to 2 million naira salary a month. my advise for you would be to advertise your skills which is what i did but i have a lot of years experience in my professional field. i also have a bsc and an msc as well as 2 professional qualifications and currently going to start my PHd and in my 30s and not married. i wish you all the best and your own would definetly come just remember to be prayerful!!!
@February 2, 2012 4:35 PM LOL do you think the best place to seek a mate is on the web? i don't think so but all the best in your search for a good and wonderful woman!!!!
There is no way I would even consider a relationship.... no matter what we say or how we see it, every woman wants to be taken care of by a man. no matter how much she earns, she still wants a man who will give to her and thats d honest truth. Even bible said a man should take care of the woman!!!! Once she starts taking care of the man or taking care of herself when she has a man, she starts to question the relationship, gets bossy ... as the case may be and consider meeting other men that can provide for her financially!!!
so.... for me, its a no-no
Yes, I would
1. If he is a good man(God-fearing, faithful, caring, responsible...)and
2. supposing, he also doesn't have a problem with my richer income, because I wouldn't want him referring to that each time we have issues. You know, the "because you earn more" bickering.
But, that's me. My priorities and values may not be similar with the next person's. While I value mostly a God-fearing man, another girl's main consideration might be a man's financial status(even if she's financially balanced).
So, whatever works for one, whatever one can live with....
Jbleenk,
Go to hell you demented, bitter and confused scumbag. You act like you are not aware that Nigeian men are a piece of work. How many Nigerian men feel comfortable marrying a woman that earns more money than they do? They may be cool with it at first but after a year or two, everything the woman does becomes a problem to them. Nigerian men become hostile, abusive and can even kill their wives out of envy and bitterness.
You sit here comparing Michelle Obama. The nerve of you! Is Michelle married to a Nigerian/African raised male? NO! She is married to an American raised male who does not see her as inferior/property but rather as his wife and best friend. Obama treats Michelle in a way that you backward, bitter, chuvinist African/Naija men can only dream of. It is no news that the average Nigerian/African man treats his wife/GF like shit! So don't come here barking like a rabid dog about Michelle (an american) who is happily married to Obama (an american) and who are both living in a society and culture where men are expected to treat women right. Something you African ape and son of a demented poverty-stricken bitch will never comprehend. Now, run along and go and take your medication. Psycho!
I will not suggest it. My sister married a man who earns less than her and till date, he has refused to lift his weight. He got too comfortable and has allowed my sister to pay all the bills while he lazies around in the house sexually molesting the housekeepers. In short, never marry a broke Nigerian male or one who earns less than you do. If he does not have sufficient money to start a family, he should remain single. It's not by force to get married. Atleast, not in advanced, organized societies of the world.
What do woman really want, if I may ask...I won't 'Marry Him'...I will 'marry him'....
Man make more money, they complain that he makes so much money, that it is not all about money...She makes more money, she complains and disrespects a brother, calling him lazy,broke arse mofo...Nothing you do that they appreciate.
BTW,there can never be a situation where a lady makes 900k and dude makes 75k...The discrepancy is so wide...maybe 200k difference.And trust me,Dude that has the confidence to knock down a babe that make 900k, definitely aint settling for 75k job.He sure will upgrade his hustle.
As per the comments here, you sure know the level of maturity of those who comment here....When love takes over you,sweetheart,you will bring the 900k....no be juju.When it catches you,you too go help upgrade brother's hustle.
I have seen life, a 34 yrs old cardiovascular surgeon,on a six figure salary,rushing to meet her bf fiancee who works as a Door Man in a busy pub,every evening after work. Dude earns €500/week.And you know, they are happy together.So when love takes over, money means nothing because,anybody can have money overnight.
After what I have seen happen to my sibling who married a perpetually broke Nigerian man, I will never advise it. All those gullible Nigerian men coming here to yarn dust are wasting their time. Most married nigerian women look miserable as fuck irrespective of whether they are married to a rich or poor naija man. This is because the average nigerian male does not know how to treat a woman with genuine love and respect. When you date and marry a non naija male, you will notice the difference. Nigerian men think they are the best thing that happened to women but if anything, they are the worst thing that happened to naija women. That is why all they are good at is infidelity and passing around sexually transmitted diseases. I feel for those women who go praying in church for a naija husband. They will send you to an early grave. Try a foreigner instead. You won't regret it.
LOL@ANon 9:45am, who said a woman earning N1m a month is outrageous. Why so??
Anyway, its all about potential. If the reason he is making N75k/mth is because of lack of connections, and he is qualified. Then the N1mil/mth lady will now be able to use her own connections (as per she must have a lot, to at least get him a job of about N350-400k/mth easy. Salary is not supposed to be stagnant. Plus salary is not wealth, wealth is being able to sleep and still have money coming in.
Please read this, A poor boy loved a rich girl.
One day the boy proposed to her.
The girl said, "Hey! Listen, your monthly salary is my daily hand expenses. How can I be involved wit you? How could you have thought of that? I can never love you. So, forget about me and get engaged with someone else at your level" she turned, hissed & left.
But the boy could never forget her!
10 years later, they met at a shopping mall. The boy was øη jeans & T-shirt.
The lady said, "Hey! You! How are you?
The boy said, obviously happy to see her, "I am fine. How ar u too?
The lady, in her arrogant manner teased. I'm married to a big shot. husband earns N500k monthly. And he is also very smart." bet U̶̲̥̅̊ don't earn upto 80K, she snickered.
The guy's eyes got wet with tears on hearing those words.
A few seconds later, her husband came but before the lady could say a word, her husband shook hands with d guy with a bow & said, "Sir you are here? Meet my wife."
Then he said 2 his wife, "This is my boss. He owns d $100million project we Ǎ̜̣̍я̥ε̲̣̣̣ working on. boss is a complete gentleman. He loved a lady S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ much he remained unmarried. How lucky would that lady have been if she had married him. These days, who will love someone that much, he said to his wife.
The lady was speechless.........
Moral lesson:
Life is so short and its just like a mirror. You can only see as much as it reflects. So don't be too arrogant and proud of yourself. don't look down on people because situations change with time.
A big no can always be said not just with prIde but with prudence and humility...
Linda,
I hope you know Obama was earning $65k per annum as a state legislator in Chicago while the wife earned roughly $250k per annum for several years. She was the family breadwinner for several years. A smart person would know it's not about the income now but about the potential.
@read this,i am a dr also and have done my housejob.My dear,no houseofficer earns 30k o,na lie.For clarification purposes and with due regards to all drs,with the conmess houseofficers earn 168-175k per month.Those in central hospitals earn about 80k.So me dey wonder if this ur guy na correct bobo why is he so complacent and willing to earn much lrss than his counterparts/colleagues even if he is doing a good thing in one village and as someone said learning surgical skills?could it be that he is enjoying his sugar babe and hence sees no need to struggle much?Ladies we want men who can take care of us o#idonwakago#
Question of the day frm Linda: would u marry a man who earns far less than you? My Answer: NO!
Hmmmm, it would have to be LOVE oh! Love is blind.
But on a 2nd note, if I seriously find love in this guy and I see that there are high potentials for him to rise. Why not?
On a 3rd note, it would be a big risk.... Wat if sometin happens and I lose d N1m/mnth job, hw wud we survive on N75k? & for hw long?
So hmmm, on my accord, I'll rather prevent than cure. So my answer still falls on a NO! i just cant!
Lets be honest here ladies, women have done this marrying a man for his money.Men pick girls up from the gutter, with no education or even food, and make them alahajas, because most of them do it for love. IN nigeria Golddigging is a tradition for most women. with that said a man's financial worth should not be a problem, if you truely love him and you both respect each other.Sometimes love and money isnt enough, respect and understanding becomes the palmoil that we use to eat the yam of relationships. In many african proverbs, they say tomorrow is pregnant, meaning that no one knows tomorrow, or rather its full of promises. A real woman helps build her husband up for the family, because if love,respect and understanding is there, monetary wealth loses value. But what i wont have linda is a backward chauvinistic, controlling,uneducated, lazy man.If i cannot help him help himself, and he has no ambition, to me that is when love isnt enough.
90% of a normal man's ego is tied to money and competition, providing for his wife and kids. if he cant, this is almost certain to cause cracks in the marriage. However, for a sponger,lazy-bone and never-do-well, you're two gifts;free sex and money. Don't do it.
to the girl that is getting married to a doctor - I never knew girls could be this naive! There is no doctor that earns 30k as a house man, is this the 90s? I earned 100k as a house officer, and that was 3 years ago! With the new salary scheme (google CONMESS if you dont know what that is) the salary is about 170k!
Love is blind but marriage go open your eye. I never post on LIB but you seem a nice girl, and I just had to reach out. The guy possibly (POSSIBLY) is seeing you as a money bag. Not necessarily because he is a bad person, but you have probably spoilt him too much.
Babe I have been there before and it doesnt pay. Men get complacent when they know you are up to the task. 850k? Kai i need that kain job in my life. Which investment bank you dey again...lol
But on the real, dont dull yourself. Ask questions, be sharp, all this We are in love bullshit should not stop you from opening your eyes.
Choi! This post long die....bear with me, i dey vex jor...lol
When God created man and woman, as husband and wife, He did not set rules and regulations or qualifications for one to find true love or marriage. Nowadays we find well educated and beaultiful ladies chasing married men or young men why? Those Ladies are in need of marriages but they can't find one. Those multi million guys are also mostly deceivers bcoz with their money they can but love anywhere in the world(am not saying marrying the rich is bad, but some of them are) Love is the root of all happiness. Marriage is based on true love not qualifications or money whatsoever. Me, I dont see any problem as long as love, respect, peace and joy are in our family.
@ READ THIS
NO need to be unnecessarily RUDE.People only alerted you to the fact that no one earns 30k as a house officer.The advise wasn't majorly about the cash but fears that you were being lied to.A wise person would have just internalised the concern others have shown as per the discrepancy,unless you are the one who downplayed figures just to play 'The husband earns less, I am a good partner card'.
You should accept constructive criticism with graciousness and say thanks to those who bothered to alert you, not going off about who is materialistic and calling people cheap(nasty attitude).
No one is attacking your holy summer matrimony.Do we know you?NO.Are we going to be in your house with you?NO.If you laugh or cry do we know?NO.If he chops your money or if you chop his money will anyone know?NO.
By the way there are people on here who earn waaay more than you so we are not particularly impressed by what you spend in the Spa or Dubai.
The way you went off is very untoward.Face your man and just have your eyes peeled.That was just what the people who commented were trying to get across to you.
FYI most people here are married,No one is dragging with you,as per the comment
'As I said,we get married in summer'.
Very inappropriate and unbecoming for the long suffering attitude you are trying to portray..
I apologise to you READ THIS for commenting on what isn't my business.
Sorry to all the other doctors who tried to play good Samaritan.
GOOD LUCK MADAM.
READ DS, I see sincere love with the manner u speak n simply put u sound a virtuos woman. i pray God that ur fiance would be true to u, appreciate u n love u...ur home will be blessed n i wish u well. dont mind all d people here calling u a mumu, trying to make u rethink saying ur beau is a liar @30k income, some men r good just d hardship n low employment that kips dem where de r financially.
secondly i know most men find it hard to accept a woman/wife being d money bag while de bow loyal to her but i tell u something..that case always comes wen d woman is older than d man, and/or could be younger but becomes bossy,turns d man to his houseboy, controlling n all of d negatives n as such reducing d guy's ego.
if u r true, humble n respectful no matter ur high income to ds man, conscience will never make him treat u wrong. this is not a mumu matter, its d truth.
i do not wish to go further, i believe u get my point.
go with ur heart. God will bless ur home. wish u d best. *big hugs*
NOTHING IS WRONG OOOO BUT WAHALA DEYYYYY.LOL
LOL @ Read This......a house officer earning N30k a month???????????? like seriously???
Biko tell us the name of the hospital (if e get name) and where it is located. their HR have some questions to answer!
Back to LI's question....hmmmm, that one go hard o. I have been dating this guy since NYSC days. After NYSC I went for my MSc like the next month. Completed the MSc after a year and proceeded to my PhD.
My bobo on the other does not have any other qualification apart from his BSc. He has a job tho but he is only paid like N80k a month. Now when we have issues he tells me things like 'you know too much for your age and that is a problem I have with you'. Of course i understand the mindset behind these comments.
The thing is men believe they are naturally wired to be the head (family, career, finance, education bla bla bla). When they are in a relationship with a woman that is by no fault of hers above them, it affects their ego (no matter how much they try to hide it) and it would show in a lot of things they do. NB; this guys is absolutely amazing (not going into details)
What i'm saying is, no matter how much love there is, it'l take double effort (especially from the woman who is doing (earning) better than her man) to ensure that these kind of relationships sail properly.
And to the question......hmmm, when i get to that bridge i go cross am.
whats all this talk about prospect. abeg its not advisable jare, and not becuase he is poor/broke, but cos he will always feel intimidated and start picking faults with all u do. abeg,i no gree for this kain marriage.
another daddy's little girls movie, this time without the ex wife drama and without the little girls
nawa oo this was a simple question asked oo, with the way people are throwing insults eh you would wonder if most of this people are educated. For me tho, i dont date guys because of money, but would i marry a guy that earns less than i do? maybe if he ticks the other boxes. However, my friends say i am high maintaineance but i believe in working hard and spending my money on myself or others.
@jus chillin...ur post no too long jare!!d babe jus dey make me dey vex too.30k house job na beans????????Get a grip READ THIS and open your eyes and ur brains.When different peeps sa the same thing,they are probably right.Like i said before ur guy has gotten complacent and is quite happy to allow his sugar babe carry the load#idonwakago#
ki ni big deal no body knows 2morrow
life is not all about money. av tried it n it didnt work 4 me
The place of a man in a relationship is leader. One of the function of a leader is management of resources. Whoever earns what, the man should be able to manage all income belonging to the couple. Separating this is the bane of homes in our society.
Anonymous said...
Linda,
I hope you know Obama was earning $65k per annum as a state legislator in Chicago while the wife earned roughly $250k per annum for several years. She was the family breadwinner for several years. A smart person would know it's not about the income now but about the potential.
February 3, 2012 1:22 AM
KPAM! THANK YOU
@Oyinade the question that linda asked have you answered it? no... abeg give answer jor and leave matter for mataiase as leave matter for anonymous. so answer the question would you or would you not QED
Wetin D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣ worry this one? You well so? Ode, fake ass bitch*tongue out*
Helloooooo, you can't overlook finance in marriage! #realitycheck
i know i should be talking for myself now but seriously, even without saying it a man should know the answer is definately NO! sooner or later the woman will be egocentric about it and just might say it in public which is so natural about us i.e getting things into our heads. let's be pratical and realistic and stop decieving ourselves about some mutual UNDERSTANDING.
@February 2, 2012 8:00 PM let me answer that question for you now it is she stays put
In my opinion isn't a question of who earns more but character. A lady who earns more would have to humble herself much more because by nature we men are egocentric. As long as the man as a purpose and a vision 75k is just a start point not the end point. So I would advice ladies who don't mind to marry someone that earns much less to ask God for extra humility for such situations so that there marriage can work perfectly.
Nope. Even if i am ok wt it, he wont be. trust me. and if he is and not tryn to be better, ill get mad. so we ll date till the distance not so much then we marry
@February 2, 2012 8:31 PM what are you yimu for? I work here in the uk and earn about £550 per day as a financial consultant. I have a professional qualification ACCA, bsc, msc and so on.... hence i am able to command that kind of money as a woman and if i convert it to naira at 250 naira exchange it is about 2.75Million naira per month so it is not a big deal for a woman to earn 1 million naira a month!!!
@February 2, 2012 9:45 AM 1 million naira outrageous? rolling my eyes...dont make me laugh same comment above applies to you.
For a man that earns less than me; yes i can marry the man provided that he is not a gold digger and he is happy with it and would love me as an individual and not as a money bank because men and their EGO sometimes it gets into their head.
For a man without work i would encourage him to find a job at least before we marry no matter how low the income is so that he can be a man and head of the house who brings money in!!!
Linda keep up the good work love your blog as you engage well with your audience kudos!!!
Lol,laugh wanna kill me die ooo. Easy on him girl but I totally feel u.
@ read this
eeyah e pele oh. Like i said, no one knows you from Adam here, all na advice. Take it or leave it. The people that have talked here are doctors myself inclusive, so we are talkin from an informed position. You can stay on your high horse and be talkin about spa, na only you dey go spa? I should not even have bothered commenting. Na so girls dey set themselves up. I wish you all the best.
My advice is "LET GOD PICK YOUR HUSBAND FOR YOU". Cos some women married such men,and dey are enjoying the marriage and d man even started earning more dan d woman later. But some other women such men and dey are truly regretting deir actions till date. On the other hand, some women refused to do it and wen dey see how wealthy d man is after some years, dey regret not marry him.
Let GOD pick for u. Selecting a spouse is not sth dat can be done with an oridinary eye but with Spiritual eyes to pick the perfect will of GOD for your life.
And for d lady who says her bf doctor is earning 30k, goodluck to ur summer wedd. But am wondering, why d guy refused to collect money from his biological family/dad but wud prefer to collect money frm gf. He buys you expensive gifts? awww, dat is so thotful of him and a generous man too, who spends part of the money you give him to still buy gifts for you. Not all men do dat o. lol. Anyway, wish you both d best and I hope you guys are divinely meant for each oda? Cos dats the most impt thing to consider.
No, i won't!
When a woman earns more, it brings in more responsibility on her part. Some men would 'relax' at the home front and allow the woman to do MOST of the spendings.
While some men, their Ego[s] would be bruised because the woman might not ask permission or discuss with him about any project she wants to carry out in the home, and when a man feels he is not respected as 'MAN' at home, he begins to seek succor outside, for a woman that would 'worship' him, thus, finding fault with anything the wife does at home and ropes his own family inside, who would feel she had turned their bother or son to a 'foot mat' which would cause another problem entirely!
So looking at both ways, it is NOT advisable at all! A woman should marry within her 'status' for the sake of peace.
@ February 4, 2012 3:49 AM
Very good reasoning!!!! why would Read This's bf not collect money from his biological parents but would rather collect money from her?
E no concern me sha, but the story nwe kwa ka o di.
*PHEW!* cleans sweat off brows!
Read ALL the comments.
I agree with MANY and dis-agree with FEW.
To add to my former comment:
Money can either MAKE or MAR a relationship of whatever kind.
Issues like where would they live? modest or highbrow environ?
where would the children school? affordable or expensive school?
where do we do the shopping? local market or shopping malls?
what kind of ride should we buy? 'i dey manage or i don arrive?
and do we get nannies and chef to do the cooking and look after the kids or mother-in-law or any relation comes to stay?
and how would we be spending for extended families? his mother 5k and her mother 5ok monthly?
For those comparing Niaja with oyibo, i ask, IF LOVE IS SO SWEET AND UNDERSTANDING AS THEY PORTRAY IT, WHY DO THEY HAVE THE HIGHEST RATE OF DIVORCE?
Obama and michelle?...oh! come on! they were having issues in their marriage before the election, all was quickly resolved because of his presidency!
When a woman is in love, she is BLIND to all reasoning! Hey! @ READ THIS, listen to the advise of the other doctors!
MARRIAGE IS NOT A FAIRY TALE PEOPLE! IT TAKES HARD WORK, AND IT IS ENJOYABLE WHEN ONE HAS A PARTNER THAT WORKS IN THE SAME PACE WITH THEM!
HEY! REMEMBER, WHO PAYS THE PIPER, DICTATES THE TUNE!
@ read this na wa oooo you mean that you could not even do a quick research on the answers that doctors here have provided you with!! at least someone gave you a link to check for starting dr housemanships sal and you are here yaning nonsense. well he is a dr quite alright but also a good spin doctor telling you pokies... all the best to you if you eventually marry him as long as he does not carry your money to build a house for himself and abandon you later.
@February 3, 2012 10:46 AM your words are go and don't mind her as you said there are people who have commented here who earn much more than her and i would also now include myself because if she multiplies her sal by 3 that is my own sal per month so who cares if she goes to the spa or dubia or wherever... leave her jare make she park well and no fall from moluwe her eyes would soon open and may it not be too late for her mschew!!! upon all her education she could not even provide a civil response to other educated ones who have provided her with good advise.
linda babe jare well i would try and give the man a chance provided he would upgrade and the one not working i would try and assits him to find a job with my connections.
500 or 50k nigerians stop lyin about mschew
Na wa ooooo
@Anon feb 2 04:08pm pls your comment speaks alot about how exposed and intelligent you are. Wow I didn't know there are women like you. I laughed after reading alot of comments here concerning the Topic. If you can't marry your Spouse because you earn more then ask yourself who will marry you if you earn less? The bible says two shall become one not two,so my people why count what you have or contribute in the relationship?well I don't know how old some of you are or how mature you guys are bcos most comment here are just not positive . We should learn to be supportive and tolerance
In these days that the table has turned..women now earn salaries only men could in the past. If lady met this man when she had nothing then ...yes go ahead. But if they met after she started to make her million...NO ..the greater chance is that he may be a Gold digger.. And most gold diggers are lazy men who look for comfy women, play their cards well to intake them with their fake wonderful attitudes/manners....It will definitely be short lived.
The rest of my comment is based on lazy. laid back drones who go about town looking for hard working ladies to charm with their fake good nature. Infact that man will symbolically be the lady's first son.
My advice isa capital NO...do not. 99.9% of Nigerian men will have a complex with that. And to show that they are the head of the home, they will make like unbearable for the woman. Every comment the woman makes..'is it because...' Even when he is squandering money the lady would find it difficult to confront him because of fear of being tagged disrespectful. This kind of man will be so lazy that he does basic work to earn a living, leaves the lady to care for almost all house work, pay for every family holiday, furniture, house/land etc. He will be earner to look out for the best car for you to pay for and every spare time he has , he goes to the gym, parties, clubs etc. His little money will only be used for his family to anger you. Listen if after a few years he begins to narrow the wage gap, take it from me, he will never change. His family will try to play dumb, pretending not to know that most money comes from the woman...they would go around saying that the lady stops their son from meeting their financial needs despite the fact that wife provides the money to solve his family's problems. Ladies please look for a man in similar social circumstances if you must marry a Nigerian man. If you are marrying a Nigerian man born in a western world, a white man or black Carribean man the chance comes down from 99.9 :0.1 to 50:50 that he is marrying for whom you are & not your bank account. Please no woman needs all the hassles and emotional torture...After a few years you may loose your personality/self esteem in the process of making effort to ensure you get it right most times and not hurt the so called husband. Remember at this time it may be difficult to walk out of the marriage because of children etc.
BESIDES HE MAY BE SIMPLE PUT ...A GOLD DIGGER.
Experience is the best teacher but why not learn from other peoples mistakes. I rest my case folks!
why not?money is not about everything except the inferior complexity disturbs the men.Which law states that men must earn than women?Men wake up and stop being childish
Don't try it, am in the shoes, believe me it's terrible he eventually lost d 60k job which i will attribute to his irresponsibility, he hasn't gotten anything doing again for more then 5yrs now, he is always conning and ripping me off. He is not so bothered cause he believes am there to provide.When he is not given by me,he steals it from me and turns aggressive/oppressive when he doesnt see to still. It is terrible. He never does anything,he is always on my neck for money and sits on as well as spoils anything i buy. He does not know how to take care of anything.
Guy,you are sensible and responsible,dat is exactly d case.You are very right. I am experiencing this, no woman would want to be in my shoes.
You made a lot of sense. I picked points from what you just wrote up there.
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