Monalisa Chinda speaks on failed marriage

The beautiful actress spoke with Stella Dimoko Korkus about her recent marriage break-up

Quite an interesting read...

Tell us why your marriage crashed and what you didn’t do right

Firstly I didn’t plan for what happened to me. Secondly, marriage is a beautiful thing and I have always loved the marriage institution. Right from when I was 18yrs old, I had always wanted to get married; unfortunately I ended up with someone I thought was the right person. I tried all my best to make sure that I stayed put in my marriage even when all the odds were against me. I wanted to stay put in my marriage, carry my shoulders high and act like everything was normal but things went from bad to worse. It was all constant misunderstanding and quarrelling which is normal in every marriage but not being able to sort it out as two mature people, it was just the kind of issues most marriages have but ours just got out of hand and that’s why I am where I am today.

You ran out of your marriage. At what point did you decide you couldn’t take it anymore?
Let me tell you the truth, there were signs of violence when we were courting. You know when you fall in love with someone you just met and feel he is the one you want to be with, regardless of both our shortcomings, women we have this tendency of not facing the truth and the harsh reality that this thing can remain and become a problem if you remain with this person. I am a woman who sticks to something once i make up my mind to do it no matter what, which is not very good because you have to place yourself in a place of reason so that when your mother or older ones tell you, something is not good for you, you listen but I didn’t listen saw a bright future with him. i didn’t want to be concerned with his short comings, especially when he gets angry and wants to get violent, I just thought that the maturity that marriage brings would change him but he didn’t change. At a point I wanted to leave 2yrs after we got married but i thought about my family thought about my friends, especially as I was warned to look before leaping, I thought about that and then I thought about myself. I kept thinking how people would look at me if I left the marriage, people were already saying actresses could not keep their marriages considered a lot of things and so I stayed and prayed he would change but it got worse instead, so I began to pray, I wanted God to bless me with a child that would give me joy and maybe bring back some sanity into the marriage. I wanted a child to give me hope and make me stop thinking about the things I could no longer bear. when my baby arrived felt things would change for the better, I thought the cry of a baby in our home would make things better, I thought we would become more mature and concentrate on the baby but this didn’t happen, he didn’t change and I knew deep within me that if things didn’t change I would leave him. Six months ago after we had a very serious altercation I decided to leave.

We hear he was giving your money to other girls.that you both shared a joint account and his girlfriends were enjoying your hardwork and that was part of the problem.

Point of correction, we never shared a joint account. I need to make that clear. The bible says we should be submissive to our husband and that was what I did. His money was my money and mine was his. If he was giving it to his women I didn’t think that was the problem. I didn’t think that was an issue, if there was basic understanding between us, I wouldn’t even know that these were the things he was doing, yes he was paying for girls I heard but if there was love, he wouldn’t even do these things, love covers a multitude of sins my sister. I would have forgiven him and just let it go.


Why do you think Segun was beating you so much? Was there something you were doing that made him loose his grip on sanity and beat you?
There are issues he could not deal with and I guess he got his release from beating. At first it used to shock me but later I used to run for cover and I used my child as a shield to stop him but he would beat me and the child mercilessly as well. I never used to talk back at him or provoke him because I knew that would amount to my being beaten and I used to avoid that. Segun got his kicks from beating me and the baby, maybe it was a normal thing to do for him. anyway like I said, it got worse and I ran!

You are now officially single again, how does that make you feel?

Mixed feelings. I am happy that I came out of that marriage with my whole body intact. I didn’t loose an eye, a leg or a hand and my baby is intact as well and nothing happened to her physically or mentally. There are challenges as a single woman, you and I know that. I am satisfied with where I am right now. I am happy with where God has brought me and I am happy I had the strength to walk away from what was happening to me before it was too late to do so.

Now that you are out from this marriage without loosing any body part, how would you want to help people who are going through the same thing you went through but cannot break free because they are not financially or emotionally strong?

Marriage is a very sensitive thing, it is only you, on your own you will just get up and ask God what is this? What happened to me? I used to look at myself in the mirror and say God I am better than this, take me out of this misery, I used to talk to the mirror. I wasn’t myself anymore, I was beginning to believe in the lies the marriage told me. I was telling myself that maybe I wasn’t normal, maybe I was useless, maybe I was mad. So many maybes. I didn’t listen to my mum, my brothers and sisters or my uncle. They allowed me to go in and be happy and make it right but it didn’t turn out right. So on my own nobody told me, I just carry my pikin and run! I cant tell the next person what to do because no marriage is the same. If you are being beaten, molested or whatever just talk to God and apply wisdom. I really want to do something later, maybe a talk show or an NGO, I want to go out there and fight for women who are being molested in their marriages but right now I want to get my act together first.

***

 

Of everything Monalisa said, what stood out for me the most was - 'There were signs of violence when we were courting'

 

Signs in courtship! I think a lot of us women live in denial. We see these signs but because of our desperation to marry or maybe because of our 'deep' love for the man, we lie to ourselves. We think marriage or children will change him. You can't change a man. He is what he is. Take it or leave it.

 

I was in a relationship that was pretty awful and I used to tell myself once we get married everything will change. Then one day my mum said to me - 'If the relationship is bad, marriage will be worse'.

 

This is something we women need to understand. If he's cheating on you when you are dating, the number of women will increase when you are married! If he's slapping you when you are dating, he will punch you in the face when you are married. Marriage doesn't solve anything. It doesn't necessarily have to get worse, but it doesn't get better either. The 'man' you are dating, is the 'man' you will be married to. You just have to decide whether you can deal with 'who he is' for the rest of your life - or not!

 

What do you ladies think of what I wrote?

 

PS. To buttress Monalisa's point... if you are being beaten or molested or whatever, talk to God - on your way out of the door...:-)

Playboy model burned beyond recognition

Paula Sladewski, a 26-year-old who once modeled for Playboy, was identified Wednesday by Miami police as the person found dead and "burned beyond recognition" in a trash bin on Sunday.

Sladewski's body was found Sunday night after firefighters extinguished flames coming from a large trash bin near a propane business. When they put out the fire, they saw a body. But there was barely any way to identify it.

"It's so horrific. They'd have to be a monster. It's a dastardly act," North Miami police spokesman Lt. Neal Cuevas told CNN. "It's the most heinous thing that a person can do to another person. It was just total, total, disfigurement. You couldn't even tell that it was a woman or a man or even what race."

Police were able to identify the body through dental records late Tuesday night, he said.

Police are trying to figure out how a model from Michigan, who appeared in a 2003 Playboy video, ended up burned beyond recognition inside the trash bin -- and who put her there.

The only timeline police have comes from Sladewski's boyfriend, who was vacationing with her. Because he was the last one to see her, police are considering him a person of interest, but he has not been named as a suspect. The couple arrived in Miami on Thursday to ring in the new year by watching Lady Gaga perform, police said.

Cuevas told CNN that Sladewski's boyfriend said they went to Club Space on Saturday and remained until about 7 a.m. Sunday, when they got into an argument. When he was thrown out of the club after the altercation, Sladewski decided to stay, her boyfriend told police.

That was the last time her boyfriend saw her, according to police. Cuevas said when Sladewski did not return to their hotel by Monday, her boyfriend called police and filed a missing person report.

Source: CNN
A sad way to go. RIP.

9ice and Toni Payne announce separation

Press release from 9ice’s PR Company

Lagos

Nigeria

January 8, 2010

It’s a brand new year of opportunities and possibilities; and we’ll specially like to thank you for your love and support for 9ice and his label this past year.

That 9ice has grown from an upcoming singer-performer, to become one of Africa’s most promising exports, is not just as a result of his talent, hard work and can-do spirit; but because the media in Nigeria (print, broadcast and online) have been extremely kind to him and his music.

Unfortunately, we may have some sad news for you.

9ice and his beautiful wife Toni Payne; with whom he tied the knots last year; are separating.

The couple have agreed to separate for a while, even though they continue to remain good friends and business partners.

Their baby Zion will reside with Toni for now.

This is a very very tough decision for the couple, and it’s a tough, even trying time for the young partnership we all admire so much. And they’re even the more constrained to make this announcement; knowing it will shatter many of their fans, and admirers inside and outside the country.

But they have both agreed to be responsible about the development, and make public what is necessary, to avoid unnecessary speculations, and rumours.

And it is their wish that we all respect their privacy at this period.

Neither 9ice nor Toni will be granting any press interviews on this matter.

Scanned copy of the press release

***

Source: thenetng.com

Someone say it aint so...

Togolese National team attacked. Driver killed, several players injured.

According to various reports the Togolese team bus has been attacked in Cabinda, Angola, after crossing into the country by road from Congo.

The latest news from Angola indicates that the driver of the bus has died from gunshot wounds. Four others have also been shot: two of them are players, reported to be Serge Akakpo and Kodjovi Obilale. A team doctor and another Togolese official of an unknown role were the other two victims.

The rest of the passengers, including the Togolese team, were immediately taken to the nearest hospital for injured players to receive treatment.
***

Why now eh?

Mind-reading systems

A would-be terrorist tries to board a plane, bent on mass murder. As he walks through a security checkpoint, fidgeting and glancing around, a network of high-tech machines analyzes his body language and reads his mind.

Screeners pull him aside. Tragedy is averted.

As far-fetched as that sounds, systems that aim to get inside an evildoer's head are among the proposals floated by security experts thinking beyond the X-ray machines and metal detectors used on millions of passengers and bags each year.
***

Mind-reading machines? lol
Can any machine read the mind of a Naija man? That will be the day!!!
If they are ever able to create such a machine, please whenever you are confused about your man, just take him to the airport so the machine can tell you exactly what he's thinking.
Seriously half the time we can't figure you men out ...lol

Missing Person

Our situation would have been so funny if it wasn't so sad!

5 skincare mistakes that will make you look older

1. Over exfoliating

People with dry skin often think exfoliating can help by sloughing away flakes and dead skin cells. But over exfoliation can make dry skin worse by impairing your skin's ability to hold onto water, making it look dull, lifeless and older.

2. Using the same moisturizer year-round

If you have oily skin, don't assume you should use an oil-free moisturizer all year--or that you can go without. Instead, use a serum or lotion when your skin is oily and switch to a richer cream when it's dry.

3. Using a harsh cleanser

People love the tight, tingly feeling they get after using foaming cleansers and bar soaps, but that feeling just means your natural lipids have been stripped away, leaving your complexion parched and more prone to premature wrinkling. Instead, use an oil-based cleanser like Shu Uemura High Performance Balancing Cleansing Oil.

4. Going green

There's no natural alternative to retinoids like Differin and Atralin, and they're the only products proven to diminish existing wrinkles. Organic sunscreens are just not as effective as their chemical counterparts, especially if you're going to be in the sun for prolonged periods. So use an organic cleanser and moisturizer.

5. Mixing the wrong ingredients

Some ingredients are not compatible. For example, neither retinoids nor hydroquinone should be used in combination with glycolic acid, which renders them inactive. And you can only use hydroquinone and retinoids together if they're in a specially formulated product like Tri-Luma. All of these ingredients fight signs of aging and sun damage--but you have to use them correctly to get results.

Source: can't remember some beauty site...

Photo of the day

Don Jazzy, Dbanj OBJ and a dancer on stage...
You pipul should leave our ex president alone...what kind of caricature is this now?
lol

Google's Nexus One - Web meets phone.

I'm in love. Head over heels in love...lol

Google's Nexus One with T-Mobile was unveiled two days ago and they say it's the best Android powered phone to date. Whatever that means...all I know is that it's hella sexy and I want one. It costs about $529 and works in most countries. Too cute!!!

EFCC confiscates assets belonging to Erastus Akingbola

The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, has begun the process of seizing properties belonging to ex-Vice Chairman and Managing Director of Intercontinental Bank and 'Church Elder', Erastus Akingbola.

The agency yesterday sealed up his main house on 12, Ruxton Street Ikoyi, Lagos. (Pic of house below), 15 exotic cars found in the home were also seized.

A Lagos Federal High Court ordered the interim confiscation of Akingbola's properties in Lagos, the United Kingdom, Dubai, and Accra in Ghana.

Among the properties to be seized are Amazing Grace Plaza, Ligali Ayorinde Street, Victoria Island, Lagos; properties, cars, and personal assets on Milverton Road, Ikoyi; at 2 Bedwell Road, Ikoyi, Lagos; 26 Chester Terrace, London; 65 Gove-End Road, London; and 8 Connaught Street, London.

Also confiscated are his shares in Intercontinental and Access Banks, Tropics Securities, Tropics Property, Tropics Holdings, Summit Finance Company, Tropics Finance and Investments Company, Yankuri Nigeria, Regal Investments Nigeria, Bankinson Discount House, and Associated Discount House.

The Courts also restrained the ex-bank chief  from touching the N346 billion in his bank accounts pending his arrest and prosecution for alleged mismanagement of depositors' funds and abuse of office

His house in Ikoyi...pics thanks to Next.

Money is great surely, but what does anyone want with one million cars, one million houses, one million bank accounts, shares in one million companies? It's not like we have a million years to live...

Please share your thoughts on this...

Quote of the day

If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

You agree?

Change-A-Life Annual January show

Change-A-Life Presents Annual January 1st Live Show

The Change-A-Life foundation on the first day of each new year, has traditionally hosted a live TV program to usher in the new year on a note of hope as well as showcase its achievements over the year. The hour long show was presented by Change A Life's founder award winning talk show producer Funmi Iyanda, and televised live on the NTA Network and LTV 8.

The show was opened by acclaimed Nigerian music artiste Asa, discussing her hopes and dreams for the country and its people as we mark the fiftieth year of Nigeria's independence.

Since its inception, the Change-A-Life January 1st show has always been supported by the office of the incumbent governor of Lagos State. This year, Lagos' number one citizen, His Excellency Babatunde Raji Fashola, was on hand to lend his support for the foundation as well as kick off the new year with a message to the citizens of Lagos that we still live in a society that recognizes and rewards hard work, honesty, dedication and kindness.

The governor presented the “Acts of Selfless Service” awards -- recognizing ordinary citizens who have performed extraordinary deeds. One such person was Sergeant Odogwu, a police officer who found and returned Funmi Iyanda's laptop. The governor also presented awards to the top three students on the Change-A-Life scholarship scheme who distinguished themselves academically. John Bassey, Tobenna Akaeze and Folarin Olamide were given laptops as a reward for their hard work and academic achievement.

The foundation recorded new additions to its scholarship scheme, taking on to the program, Qudus Olojede and Samuel Urja-Uti, sons of the deceased Ibrahim Olojede and Friday Uti who were both shot on October 1st 2009 by the Nigerian police. Change-A-Life also gave scholarships to five teachers from the Whanyinna Nursery and Primary, Makoko to attend teaching college.

Change-A-Life's mission is to act as a bridge between people with potential, yet great need and the people, agencies and organizations that have the capacity to help and are willing to help these people. The scheme which is solely not for profit was founded by Funmi Iyanda in 2002.

Over the years Change-A-Life has affected the lives many children and people through its scholarship, healthcare, counselling and micro-finance intervention scheme. The scholarship scheme currently supports 98 children.

Pictures from the show...

To Todd Moss - Nigeria is NOT a failed State!

The USA Deputy Secretary of State Jacob Lew in reaction to the Nigerian government seven-day ultimatum given to the United States authorities to remove Nigerians from their watch list, described the Nigerian action on CBS News as “so predictable” and that the US is more concerned about the safety of American Citizens. The snub came as former Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs during the Bush administration Todd Moss describe Nigeria as a “FAILED STATE” with no visible leader to partner with the USA.


Below is the article he wrote

After the plane bomber, where in the world is Nigeria’s President?

Written by Todd Moss (Todd Moss is vice president and senior fellow at the Center for Global Development in Washington DC. He served as Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs during the Bush administration.)
Tuesday, 05 January

Amid all the media frenzy around the Nigerian underwear bomber and how America should have stopped him before he tried to blow up a passenger plane on Christmas Day, a critical piece to the counter-terrorism puzzle seems to have been missed: where in the world is the Nigerian President? Normally, after such a horrific incident, President Obama would be on the phone with his counterpart, discussing what went wrong and agreeing on ways to work better in the future to prevent such attacks. But this couldn’t happen because Nigeria’s President Umaru Yar’Adua left his country for medical treatment in Saudi Arabia on November 23rd and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.

Yes, you read that right: the whereabouts of the leader of Nigeria—America’s most important strategic ally in Africa, the fifth largest source of U.S. oil imports, and home to 150 million people—are unknown. It is also not clear if he is alive or dead.

The situation is so uncertain that Nigeria’s parliament is openly considering sending a delegation to Saudi Arabia to find out the truth. A major opposition party yesterday demanded, quite reasonably, some “proof of life”.

The mystery over Yar’Adua is so bizarre as to be comical—if the consequences weren’t so severe. His absence has thrust the country into an immediate constitutional crisis. The President failed to delegate authority to his deputy before travelling, effectively leaving no one in charge. This 43-days-and-counting power vacuum is being swiftly filled by an insular cabal bent on exploiting the situation for their own gain.

Complicating matters, the vice president—ironically named Goodluck Jonathan—is a Christian and an Ijaw, part of a minority group from the southern Niger Delta region and far from the power centers of the northern Muslim elites who expect one of their own to run the country. There is much speculation that insiders are scheming now of ways to keep Jonathan from ever assuming power. In an ominous sign, a new chief justice was quickly (and possibly illegally) sworn in last week.

These developments all put Nigeria’s future at great risk. A decade of constitutional democracy is threatened by the specter of mass violence and a possible military coup.

The failed terrorist attack by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab on Northwest Flight 253 highlights that Nigeria’s power void is dangerous for the U.S. as well. The foundation of a counter-terrorism strategy is to build cooperative partnerships with friendly nations. This means sharing information and helping to build security capacity in places like Yemen, Afghanistan, and Nigeria.

But we cannot have a partnership if there is no one on the other end of the line. Nigeria cannot be a reliable ally if it is consumed by its own corruption and political machinations. In this way, Nigeria is rapidly becoming more like Somalia—a failed state with no real government to cooperate with—than a real partner.

What can the United States do? First, it should insist on an immediate public declaration of President Yar’Adua’s health and fitness to govern. If the President’s staff refuse to oblige, then the U.S. should encourage the national assembly to assert its constitutional responsibilities when it reconvenes on January 12.

Second, if, as seems likely, Yar’Adua is in fact incapacitated, the U.S. must demand that the constitution be followed and power transferred to the vice president. The long-term security of Nigeria depends on entrenching the rule of law and this must supersede any palace intrigue or political bargaining.

Third, it is clear that whatever the outcome over the next few weeks, Nigeria will remain on a knife’s edge until elections in 2011. Any hope for a more stable country hinges on a credible election next year. Yar’Adua came to power in a deeply flawed poll in April 2007 and almost no steps have since been taken to fix the broken system. The U.S. is in a unique position to push for and help deliver a better election that would strengthen the authority and legitimacy of the next government.

Last, the U.S. can support Nigeria’s vibrant civil society that is clearly fed up and is increasingly demanding change.

The case of the missing Nigerian President is a wake up call to the United States about the vulnerability of many of our global partners. How we respond is not only crucial to the future of an important ally, but a critical test of our strategy for building partnerships in troubled places to combat the global ills of our time.

The end

***

Dear Mr. Todd, I agree you wrote a lot of truth in your article, we do recognize that we have a lot of issues in Nigeria that we need to tackle if we are to progress as a nation, I agree that we are led by corrupt leaders, I even agree that we have a dysfunctional government and like you said it's quite comical that we do not know the whereabouts of our President, I mean where does that happen? But I do not agree that we are a FAILED State.

You see, every nation in the world has it's own problems; some worse than others, we are not in denial, we do know what our problems are in Nigeria and hopefully one day we will resolve some of them. But despite all the problems we have faced over the years, Nigeria is still standing, and will continue to stand because Nigerians are stong willed, we are a peace loving people, and we are blessed.

How many African countries live off us? How many countries in the world rely on our natural resources? Please give us a break! You can not discredit 150million people because of the failings of a few people. Instead of trying to tear us down why don't we work together to grow our nation?

By the way, is he indirectly telling the US Govt to invade Naija? Eti po to...

PS, this is the only home I know...if I don't defend it, where else will I defend? I think it's time we stop pointing out all that is wrong with our nation and start looking for solutions.

What's your thoughts on this?

Slu..ssh @ Swe Bar pictures

Nobleconcept presents Slu...ssh @ Swe Bar

Pix thanks to werunthings.net